The Great Matthew
By scass3254@aol.com
George Michaels smelled the newness of the leather couch as he sank into it and felt its rich softness as he made himself comfortable. His legs were stretched straight out and his feet crossed at the ankles. He had his arm folded across his forehead, the knuckles of his right hand pressing against his brown hair that was just beginning to gray at the temples. He exhaled and looked over to where Dr. Benjamin Frost was seated.
Sitting in an armchair was Dr. Benjamin Frost who smiled at George like a parent at a child. He had his notepad securely in his lap and was holding a pen with which he scribbled notes in what George perceived to be hieroglyphics. Dr. Frost cleaned his glasses on his silk tie and waited for the session to begin.
"It was a beautiful day," George began. "I ran over the stone bridge past the field of wildflowers along the creek." George closed his soft blue eyes remembering. "I hurried as I wanted to get there, so I would have a front row seat. I wanted to be right there so I could see it all, all the action." Images flooded his brain and he stirred uncomfortably. It was so long ago. "Do I have to go there?" George said barely audible.
"I know it's difficult for you, but I feel we are at a breakthrough so continue." Dr. Frost was a tall, thin man with a full beard.
"Maybe continuing is easy for you," George said sarcastically, and Dr. Frost let it pass it with a benevolent smile.
"I remember wearing my new gabardine pants and a blue shirt that matched my eyes. I was wearing penny loafers that I had polished to a high gloss. The fairgrounds were beginning to fill with people who came from the farms and town and as I said, I wanted a good seat at the wresting match. The fair came to town once a year. I stood on line and bought my ticket and entered the cavernous tent where a makeshift ring had been set up and hurried to a seat smack up front. Like a giddy kid, I sat there and felt the excitement as the crowd began piling in around me. Most were men and there was tension in the air, as some of these men would fight "The Great Matthew". Hopefully, some might win the one hundred dollars offered as a reward if they could last ten minutes in the ring with him. It was bravado mixed with fear and the tent took on an aroma of sweating men who laughed and cursed and were having a good time.
George began to sweat and Dr. Frost handed him a box of Kleenex that George held on his trim stomach and blew his nose.
"Go on," Dr. Frost said as George sighed. Dr. Frost looked at his patient. George was a man around forty-five that had been referred to him by a colleague. George was an eminently successful architect who'd been impotent for a long time. His wife had divorced him and he suffered from bouts of depression. He was a strikingly handsome man with soft blue eyes.
"I heard the yelling and then the applause before The Great Matthew entered the tent. He was over four hundred pounds and he was big. He climbed through the ropes and postured like a peacock wearing a blue cape that he wore around his broad shoulders. He wore matching blue trunks and I remember how excited I was to be there and see this strong man who had never been defeated."
"How old were you?" Dr. Frost asked.
George chewed on his bottom lip, a nervous habit and stroked his chiseled chin. "I was eighteen."
"What excited you about this man? You wore you best clothes?"
The question surprised George and he moved uncomfortably on the couch. He nervously unbuttoned a button on his shirt exposing a hairy chest. His breathing became heavy and beads of sweat lined his forehead.
"His strength, yes, his strength. He stood there against the ropes and he was big and strong, something that I desperately wanted to be. I remember him looking at me and waving his massive arm. He smiled and I sat there happy."
"Explain. Why was it about this man that made you happy? There were rides and games and food at the fair but you wanted to see this Matthew."
"Explain what?" George said annoyed and he turned to face the man who was making him drag up the past and he resented him. George lay there not saying a word wanting the hour to pass but finally said. "Is this necessary?"
"You tell me?"
"Fuck you!" George screamed out. "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. You fuckers are all the same. "
"Why are you so angry? What happened that day? Did something happen that day?"
"I don't want to discuss it. Can I go?"
"That decision is yours. But I think that you should sit here for a moment and think about your leaving. It's tough confronting our demons but I believe you have the strength and willpower to see it through. It's your choice."
George ran his manicured fingers through his thick brown hair.
"Take a deep breath and let's explore what happened that day."
"I remember the yelling and the screaming as Matthew took on all comers and dispensed with them like they were small children. His arms were muscled and his legs thick like the oak tree in our backyard. He had a belly but he was strong and he threw not one but ten men across the ring that afternoon. He flung them like they were pieces of kindling. People laughed and I laughed with them. When the fighting was over, I just sat there in the large tent alone remembering what I had just witnessed when Matthew came out and walked towards me." George hesitated and closed his eyes. There is awkwardness in silence as the ticking of a desk clock was the only sound in the room. "He didn't have on his cape and he had a towel over his massive neck. I remember looking into his eyes. They were dark and mysterious and he winked at me."
"Kid," he said and walked to where I was sitting. He smelled of perspiration and he toweled himself. Beads of sweat ran down his bare chest. He had a smooth, fleshy chest and I remember he had these big round nipples. "The fight is over and you have stayed too long at the fair. Your mother will be worried."
"I have no mother," I blurted out. "I live with my father and he is out with his girlfriend and he thinks I'm staying with a friend. You were awesome today," I said.
He smiled and his round face and dark eyes stared at me in a way that made me feel funny. "Have you had dinner?" He asked. "I'm starved and would like some company and since you don't have to be home, how about we going to the hotel dinning room and having supper. I hear the food is quite good there."
"I didn't know what to say."
"Cat got your tongue?" He reached out and put his massive paw on my shoulder.
"I felt the heat coming through my shirt. His fingers were large and his hand calloused as he held it there. "I would like to have dinner if it's no trouble. I don't know where I found the courage but I wanted to be in the company of this big man."
"Good. I don't like eating alone."
"We walked out the fairgrounds and into town. He was staying at the only hotel in our small town and we went up to his room. "
"Get comfortable," he said and began to undress. He stood there in his jockey shorts and then he slipped them off. "I'll only be a moment."
"I couldn't take my eyes off his body. His belly was round but it was hard and he had this huge cock and large balls that hung between his legs. He was uncircumcised with this large blue vein that ran down the length of his shaft. He had this hood covering the head and I knew that he knew that I was looking at him. He went into the bathroom and I could hear the water running. I sat on the bed. " George became silent once more. He checked his watch.
"You were excited about seeing him naked?" Dr. Frost asked in a tone that was soft hoping to elicit a response. "Let's discuss this. You said you were impressed with his strength but why his body? You said you couldn't take your eyes off his body. You even noticed the blue vein that ran down the shaft. Did that make you wonder?"
The words were like a sharp slap in George's face. He reddened and yelled out. Yes...............
George lay there and didn't move. His lips moved and then the words "Yes, I wondered." The words spilled out of him. "I was excited and thought my penis would burst through my shorts. I wanted to run but stayed."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not."
"Kindly explain. Why was it wrong for you to stay? You said you were excited. Let's discuss these feelings that were exposed within you. Did you realize that you might be a homosexual and seeing this man naked proved the point? If he had been a woman would you have been turned on?"
"Is this how you get off. Do you live vicariously through others? You guys are all loser and for that privilege I pay you one hundred fifty dollars an hour. "
"Do you realize that you have been seeing me for over six months and today is the first time that you have been truthful? Yes, it is painful and you have kept it bottled up inside of you. What are you afraid to reveal about yourself?"
"I sure the fuck have kept it bottled inside of me until I'm ready to detonate. I have lived with this guilt and pain since it happened. It fucked up my life." He blew his nose with the Kleenex and looked at the Doctor who sat there waiting. "The Great Matthew came out of the shower and stood in front of me naked. He handed me the towel."
"Dry my back," he said.
"It was a wide, massive back and I rubbed the soft cotton against it. I looked at his buns and they were round and firm. I put the towel across it and then down his legs. He turned and he was hard and my face was close to his penis." George let out a cry of pain. "He took his hand and placed it against my head and tried to place his penis into my mouth."
"Did he force you? Was he threatening you in any way?"
"No, but he was smacking my face gently with this big piece of meat, enticing me."
"And you were enticed?"
"You know you want to suck it," he said. "You want to suck this baby until it spurts heavy sweet cream into that pretty mouth of yours."
"I tried to pull away but I couldn't. I wanted to run but my heart was beating and I was sweating."
"You want this cock of mine and you want me to fuck that lilywhite ass of yours. Isn't that why you're here?"
"I was terrified and didn't know what to do. I panicked and the more frightened I became, the more aroused it made him."
"Isn't what he was saying to you true?" The doctor said. "He wasn't forcing you to stay, was he? Could you at anytime walked out of that room and gone home? So why did you stay?"
"Yes, I could of gone but I stayed."
"So why did you?" Dr. Frost looked over at George whose eyes were closed. "The truth is that maybe you didn't want to go? Maybe you wanted that cock of his in your lilywhite ass? Is that what you wanted? What were you feeling? What was going through your mind as he stood there naked?"
"I can't."
"Yes, you can. That is why you went with him and you have been denying this your whole life. It's time to bring it out to free yourself."
George began to whimper but began to speak. His voice was husky. "I began to suck his cock. It was big and I began to gag."
"He took his hand and held it on his shaft at a place that I could comfortably suck him. I tasted him and the sweetness of the pre cum that was leaking from the hood. He had a huge head that was purple as it became exposed. Do I have to continue?"
"Yes. This has been inside of you for all these years and has to come out. You know that as well as I do."
"I tasted the liquid and it was sweet. It was insane but I was frightened, and yet at the same time I was excited as he fucked my mouth with this huge cock. Then, he did something that surprised me."
"What was that?"
"He lifted me off the ground like I was a child and kissed me. It was rough and he forced his tongue into my mouth. He held me close and began kissing and undressing me until he had my shirt off. Then his kisses were soft and loving and his tongue kissed me with a sweetness that I had never known. He put those big thick lips on my nipples and began to suck. I thought."...He hesitated. "I thought I would faint. I had never had anything like that done to me and he took my belt and had my clothes off and I was naked. He looked at me and smiled.
"You have a wonderful body," he said.
"He placed me on the bed and spread my cheeks apart. I knew what he wanted to do and cried out that I was afraid that he would rip me apart."
"Did you want him inside of you? Did you want this big man with all his strength and power to fuck you? Now, you're with Matthew and you were having your fantasy fulfilled. Is this what you dreamed it would be like?"
"Oh, yes. It was what I dreamed about, what I jerked off over. I once
watched my father jerking off and I came all over without touching myself. Yes, I wanted him. I felt his huge cock pressing against my ass and prayed to God that he wouldn't rip me apart. "
"A young tender ass," he said and felt my ass running his hands over them, kissing them and placing his tongue between my cheeks."
"He was sweating and I felt his hands on my hips as he pushed the bulbous head of his cock against my ass. I cried out in pain. It was like nothing that I have ever felt. He put lubricant between my legs and placed his finger into my ass. I winced but before I knew it he was inside of me."
"Did you enjoy this kind of attention?
"Once he was inside of my ass, he placed another finger and I was surprised that I was able to take it. The pain had been replaced by this feeling."
"What kind of feeling? Was it a good feeling?"
"It was wonderful. Once again he took that massive tool and this time he applied pressure and I felt him slip inside of me. It was only the head and he held me close and was kissing me, whispering to me, telling me that he wouldn't hurt me. Then he began fucking me slowly, inching his way inside of me."
"Oh, baby, it's good, really good," he said as he was fucking me.
"He was big in weight and I could feel his belly against me as he slammed that rod of his into my ass and every time it came out he rammed it home harder."
"Move your ass," he said. "Shake it, sweetheart", he cried out."
"I moved my ass and he began to move slower now taking it easy and something happened to me.'
"Yes," the doctor scribbled furiously in his pad. "Don't stop keep talking."
"He had this huge salami inside of me and I was moving with him taking his thrusts and bringing my ass up to take him. I began to enjoy it. I was so ashamed. No longer did I feel pain but I wanted this big brute in me, fucking me. I wanted him inside of me coming. I wanted his load and began to call out his name as I felt his balls slap against my ass. He held my hips and thrust his meat into me again and again, and the joy I felt sickened me but I loved every minute of it."
"That's it baby," he cried out. "Oh, yes, move it for Daddy. Make me cum with that beautiful, sweet ass and the candy that daddy is going to give to you."
"I knew he was going to cum in me and I was ready. I clamped my butt down on his dick and felt him begin to shudder and them he cried out like a wounded animal as he shot a load inside of me that I never thought would end. When he went limp, he pulled it out. He grabbed me and kissed me and cleaned himself off in the toiled and came back to the bed. He lay me down on the bed and began to lick and suck me. I have never had a sexual experience man or woman and he had his mouth on my dick and he began sucking me. I knew that I couldn't last as his tongue moved around the head of my dick and down the shaft. He took my balls in his mouth and sucked on my dick until I came into his mouth. He took my load and swallowed it and smiled. Then he kissed me."
"Shower," he ordered and I did as I was told. My ass was sore but I knew that I wanted him inside of me again. We did it for thirty hours. He let me fuck him and we made love until he left town and I went home. Then it happened."
"What happened after he left town? Did you tell anyone what happened?"
"No! I was ashamed, for liking being fucked by this big fat man. I became depressed of what I had done and became withdrawn. I never told anybody until today. I never had another sexual experience until I met my wife in grad school and we were married."
"How long have you been impotent? Did it happen after the incident? Were you able to perform with your wife?"
"I became impotent during the honeymoon. We tried and we were both virgins and thought that in time it would get better. It didn't. Sex was something she wasn't interested in and it freed my guilt about not being able to perform. I thought about seeing a doctor but we were married in name only. Our marriage was one of convenience. I suspected that my wife was gay but since I wasn't interested in having sex, I didn't care. When she asked for a divorce, I was glad. It was amicable and she is living with a lady journalist. I see them both from time to time."
"So today for the first time, you were able to admit what you always knew but were fearful, so you denied it, even to yourself."
"What's that?"
"That you're gay and have been gay but refused to admit it to yourself. You have been denying it and therefore created your impotence. Tell me. Do you get excited now when you see a man naked?"
George lay there and then got up. "Yes but I have tried to suppress it. You're right. It is so crystal clear now that I have broken a silence that has crippled me for all these years. My marriage was a sham and I did it to hide from what I really wanted. I couldn't perform because it was with a woman and rationalized it was because of that day with Matthew that had made me impotent. For the first time in over thirty years I feel free. I told somebody what I feared for all these years and you just listened. I felt like a freak but you have made me realize that I was gay all along and didn't want to admit it."
"You just have admitted it. How does it feel?"
"Not bad. It didn't kill me." He got up and smiled.
Dr. Frost looked at his watch. "The hour is up."
"I don't know how to thank you doctor."
"You were the one who discovered who and what you are. Now live your life for you and be happy. You're being gay doesn't change the man that you are. Now live your life and find a man that will make you happy and your impotency will disappear like morning dew in the sunshine."
"I will."
As George left, Dr. Frost sat there and felt the erection rising in his pants.