Finding Joe
By Simon Peter
I can't keep my eyes off him. I just can't.
Joe is my roommate and he is the hottest male specimen I have ever seen, in all aspects. Unhappily, Joe is straight! Also, Joe has no idea that I am gay and that I have the hots for him in such a bad way.
We don't go to the same classes; we have different majors. I am in literature; he is in chemistry. What do we have in common? Almost nothing. Joe is taller than I am, slimmer, with a killer athletic body. He is a very outward kind of person, unlike me, who tend to keep to myself. I don't make friends easily, and as a natural consequence, I don't have many friends. On the other hand, Joe seems to be friendly with almost everyone on campus.
My most favorite time, also the most torturous time, is in the evenings. Invariably, Joe would come back from the gym or from some kind of sport activity, all sweaty and healthy and emitting gallons of testosterone. I would be working on some assignment or another. He'd sit around in his bare torso, beads of sweat still glistening in his chest hair patch. He'd be wearing his shorts, not skimpy, but emphasizing his toned thighs and legs. He'd kick off his gym shoes, and whiffs of male sweat fill the room, making me dizzy with desire.
We'd talk for a little while, and then Joe would hit the showers. He would come back with a towel around his waist, just below his flat belly, a delicious hair trail starting at his belly button, thickening, to disappear under the towel, his dick outlined, and instead of sweat, his body would be glistening with beads of water from the shower. His hair would be wet, and his face would kill me.
I have been tempted so many times to jump on him and pull off the towel and take his dick into my mouth all the way down to the base. The smell of shampoo and soap, mixed with the earlier scents of sweat still lingering in the room, would go deep into my lungs. But I have never dared to show any sign of sexual interest in Joe. I would just stare and torture myself. Later, naturally, I would jerk off.
I must admit that I have not been promiscuous. People tend to think that gay men would grab at any cock available. For me, that's not true. I have to be totally attracted to the guy, both physically and as a person. I can't take a guy's cock into my mouth or allow him to fuck me just because he is a guy. I have to really, really like him. And I really, really like Joe. All of this translates to my limited experience with guys added to my natural tendency to be timid.
But what can I do? The string of Joe's girlfriends seems endless. Alice to Melanie to Jane to... endless. I remember one evening when Joe asked a favor of me: go have a beer on me, Ed, he said, pleadingly.
"Suzie is visiting," he continued, "and if you could give me a couple of hours with her, buddy, I'd love you forever."
Forever! He would love me forever! He couldn't have meant it literally, but I took it literally and it made my whole body tingle. Joe had no idea that what he had said made my whole being shudder and soar, making me dizzy. I knew that he hadn't meant it the way I took it. But that didn't matter. When I came back two hours later, Suzie had left, and Joe was lying on his bed, naked, his dick limp, covering his balls, but the juices glittered on his crotch, probably both his and Suzie's. He had a just-fucked look all over his face. I almost fainted. This was the first time I saw Joe totally naked. His dick, oh God, even limp, made me tingle all over. I made a point to linger on his crotch, taking every detail of his manhood: the cut knob, glistening, the hanging balls, fuzzy and limp, the insides of his upper thighs, hairy, sweaty, the thick pubes, forming a beautiful halo around the base of his cock, the trail up to his belly, also wet and sweaty, the flat stomach, heaving from the fucking exercise, the arm pits. This was all imprinted in my mind and I knew for certain that I would be bringing back this image of Joe in all its glorious details as I masturbated.
Why aren't I a Suzie or a Jane? I'm just Ed, another guy, a roommate, to disappear when Joe, the love of my life, wanted to fuck pussy. Life is not fair.
After that night, I laid out a plan. Joe loved to fuck. Ok. That's good. But did it have to be pussy? I need him to fuck me. My plan was simple. But I had my doubts. Joe wouldn't fall for it. It wouldn't work. He is so straight, as straight as a nail! A nail? My God, his dick! I have to jerk off.
Well, I need to send Joe a message, hinting at my sexuality without going all out to tell him that I was gay and that I wanted to go to bed with him. I planned this for last Tuesday. I knew that Joe had some kind of tennis practice and would come to the room sweaty and full of energy. I also knew that, surprisingly, he had not been with any girl for almost two weeks. He should have full nuts, ready to explode. Down my throat? Oh, please, God, let it be so.
I turned on my laptop, and got onto a naked men website. It showed photos of men in underwear, in speedos, as well as totally naked. They all had soft cocks since this wasn't a porn site, but to me it was a very erotic site. I often masturbated to the photos of bulges in jockey undies and muscled stomachs before Joe's image replaced all of them. I decided that I would stay on the page when Joe came in and I would watch how he reacted.
Joe came into the room: as usual, sweaty and heavenly male. He took off his training shirt and glanced over to where I was, sitting at my desk with the laptop open. The screen was at an angle, so I wasn't sure whether Joe could see what was displayed: a fantastically built man in speedos, his dick erotically outlined under the stretched fabric.
"Another assignment, Ed?" he said as he kicked off his trainers. My heart was racing at full speed, my hand was shaking as I worked the mouse to enlarge the hot picture. Now was the time of truth. Would I get fucked? Or kicked out of the room with a black eye?
"Just surfing," I mumbled, barely able to make my voice audible.
"Oh," Joe sauntered over, his body heat hitting me at full force. "Anything interesting? Earthquakes?
Massacres?"
He was laughing and I was scared shitless. But I had an erection already. I knew that I was seconds away from losing a friend. Or, much, much better, from getting myself fucked by my friend. Oh, what wishful thinking! I didn't answer, waiting for the reaction. It was going to be a sneer, for sure. He was going to feel disgusted with me. He would probably demand to change the room since he wouldn't want to stay with a fucking queer. A faggot.
Joe stood behind me, inches away, looking at the picture on my laptop screen. I could feel his body heat, sending shivers down my spine. I froze, not daring to move.
"Hmmm," he mumbled.
I looked around at him, moving my eyes from his crotch, up his glistening flat stomach, to his face. His eyebrows were knotted, and he was staring at the picture. He looked down at me, meeting my eyes. I had no idea what my eyes communicated to him, but it must have been clear to him what I was interested in. Slowly, as if in slow motion, Joe touched his crotch and moved away towards his bed.
What did that mean? Why didn't he make any comment? Why did he touch his dick? Oh, fuck. I blew it! "Ed?" he said after he sat on the edge of his bed. "Are you gay?" he asked me looking down at his feet, avoiding my eyes.
His question was not accusatory, not sarcastic, not judgmental. I could tell from his tone that he was asking out of surprise, but also out of friendship.
I remained silent. I forced myself to stare at him, willing him to look up so I could see his eyes. Maybe I could tell what was going on in his head. I wasn't going to admit to my gayness. Not yet. Not in so many words. I needed to gauge the situation and try my best to back away if Joe's reaction was negative.
After an interminably long time, Joe glanced up at me with a wondering look. I melted. Joe repeated, "Are you gay, Ed?"
By then, I decided that it was all or nothing. I had no idea where I got the courage, but keeping my eyes locked onto his, I answered, "Does my appreciating male bodies make me gay?"
I had learned some time ago that the best way to avoid a direct answer was to respond with a question.
"Well," Joe hesitated, moving his eyes down to stare at his deliciously erotic bare feet. "It stands to reason, doesn't it?"
"It stands to nothing, Joe," I retorted, regaining my self-control. "Tell me, Joe. Have you never, ever been interested in seeing a naked or partially naked guy?"
Joe was silent. Was that a yes? Was he interested? Could my dreams come true? I was torn. I was dying for him to say something.
Slowly, painfully slowly, Joe stood up and pulled down his shorts and jockey underpants. God, what a fantastic sight! My eyes glued to his body, taking it as a whole and simultaneously going over the details. I met his eyes: they twinkled in a look of interest and humor. Was he serious? Was he showing me his body just for my sake? His dick had elongated in a semi-erection state, still drooping over and covering his balls.
"Well?" Now there was a smirk in Joe's tone. "Ed? Is this what turns you on?"
"Does it turn you on too, Joe?" I croaked, maintaining the question-for-a-question technique. I was shivering. I was erected. My sphincter was going crazy on me, relaxing and squeezing, almost painfully.
"Yes," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "Would you like to touch?"
Would I? WOULD I? What the fuck! At that stage, I would have given anything to lay my hands on the beauty standing a couple of feet away from me, naked, glorious. I decided to quit the questioning technique and go for it. Joe was definitely encouraging. His tone seemed to say: touch me, touch me, instead of asking me whether I liked to touch him.
And I did. I reached out and placed my hand on his chest.
Heaven of heavens! My hand touching his skin! Did I hear bells ringing? Angels singing? Drums beating? It was his heart that I felt, thrumming though his chest into my hand and into my whole body, like an electrical current with high voltage. His heart was beating fast. Fast for me? Fast at my touch? I closed my eyes and took in the sensations that I knew would remain with me forever, the first time I touched Joe, that way! I heard him take in a deep breath at my touch. I also felt him move a half-a-step forward, towards me, making me press my hand more on his body. I felt the heat, the smoothness, the ripples, the manhood, oh, the fast heart beats. Joe looked down at my hand. Ever so slowly, he reached up and placed his own hand on mine and started moving it up and down his chest, caressing the abs, to the sides, towards the nipples. I closed my eyes again, and took in the feeling of one of his nipples between my fingers, which had turned into naked nerves transmitting sensations I had never experienced before.
Joe moved closer. When I opened my eyes, his crotch was inches away from my face and his cock was hard. Fully erect: angled upwards, covering the curly black pubes, straight as an arrow, the cut shape stretching the knob, showing the underside of a defined ridge. Nothing had prepared me for this. By now I was moving on instinct rather than experience, of which I had so little.
I bent down and licked Joe's cockhead tentatively. He moaned. Loudly. Placing his hand on my head he guided me down on his boned cock. Oh, the taste, the saltiness, the throbbing, the fantastic manhood, extreme masculinity, right there, between my pressed lips. I could just die and go to heaven.
But I had to know more before any further commitment. Was I just a blowjob for Joe? Were there any feelings for me other than getting his load off? Just because he hadn't had sex for some time, with a female? Was I just a pair of lips servicing his cock? I couldn't let myself become a tool for his sexual release whenever he wasn't able to fuck someone.
I pulled back, regretfully releasing his glorious tool, and stood up to face him.
"Would you like to see me naked, Joe?" I asked as I started to undo by shirt buttons.
He stood there, his cock throbbing and glistening from my spit, his hands down by his sides, his eyes staring at me, watching me, and I sensed some confusion, mixed with what? An interest? Oh, how I hoped it to be so. I bared my chest. I was not as chiseled as Joe, but I did have a flat stomach, a patch of chest hair, a fairly masculine body. As I started undoing my jeans, Joe got in motion.
"Let me," he said fumbling with my jeans buttons, taking me by surprise.
Oh, my God! Joe was undressing me. The implications of this gesture were too intense to take, to explain, to interpret, to accept. My heart beats increased way beyond when I first saw him naked or when I touched his bare chest or even when I took his penis into my mouth. It was now my imagination that took over.
Joe pulled down my jeans, kneeling in front of me. My erection strained at the fabric of my jockey shorts, sideways, almost peeking through the waistband at my hip. He ran his hand along the shaft, reaching the outlined head, already marked by a small spot of wetness. I could hear his breathing: irregular, shallow, but also intense.
"First time you touch a guy's dick?" I whispered, my voice shaking.
Joe nodded and reached inside my briefs to grab me. His hand encircled my cock shaft and he pulled it out, studying my cock.
"Not much different from mine," he said with some humor in his voice, but I could tell that he was disguising his discomfort by the humor. Thankfully, there was no disgust in the way he stroked me.
I decided to take it a step further. I leaned over, turned his head up and kissed him on the lips, lightly, as he was concentrated on my cock. He immediately pulled back, taking his hand away from my cock, moving a couple of steps backwards on his knees. Shit! I had just blown it. Damn my uncontrolled enthusiasm. I so wanted to love Joe, not just sex him, that I had forgotten that he might find kissing me disagreeable.
Joe sat on his bed, avoiding my eyes. His dick plastered against his belly, not going limp. So he was interested in me, sexually, but perhaps emotionally this was too much for him to take in?
"Sorry, Ed," he mumbled as I stood in my place, fully naked, fully erect.
I was confused. What should I do? Go back onto sucking his cock, which he had enjoyed a few minutes before? Or should I just forget it? Get dressed as if nothing had happened?
Suddenly, as if he had just made up his mind, Joe stood up, strode to where I was standing and pushed me onto the bed on my back. Quickly, he straddled my chest, kneeling on both sides of me. He lowered his cock onto my lips, lifting my head with his other hand. I automatically started to lick around the knob. Even the hairs around his cock base were erect. He started to thrust into my mouth. Only halfway inside, his cock reached the back of my throat and my gag reflex kicked in. I forced myself to fight it back, pushing on his thighs to make him release the thrusting.
He took the cue and let me take control, but he kept his hand at the back of my head, goading me to take more, as if pleading with me to swallow him.
And more I did take. With every gulp, I managed to swallow a little more of his gorgeous cock. Fuck the kissing! Fuck the emotions! So I was a suck tool, so what? Joe's cock was in my mouth, begging to be serviced. I would be such a crazy fool to let go.
When I reached the base, pursing my lips around it, Joe arched his back and moaned with pleasure, holding onto my head. My hands caressed his back, his butt cheeks, and the backside of his muscled thighs.
Then I went to work on Joe's man dick. Slobbering, swallowing, pressing, licking, teasing, all the while my hands were working his back. I rubbed inside his ass crack, hairy and wet, finding his hole, fingering around it. Joe never pushed my hand away. I felt that he was getting close. His cock thickened in my mouth and his balls shrunk into his scrotum. He held my head with both hands and fucked my face, fast, until he froze, pressing hard on the back of my head, as he started to shoot his load. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep all the cum inside my mouth or swallow fast enough as spurt after spurt of semen left his body and shot into mine.
Finally, Joe pulled out and sat back on my crotch, breathing hard, sweating, still shaking from the intensity of his ejaculation.
"Never," he said shakingly, "never, Ed, have I shot a load like this one. Ed. Never. Ever."
I smiled up at him, feeling his butt just inches above my hard cock. I thrust my pelvis so that my cock head touched his ass cheeks, sliding into his crack. This surprised him. He started to move away, off of me, but I placed my hands around his waist and forced him to remain seated on my lower belly, my cock between his sinewy butt cheeks.
"No way," Joe said, feeling my hardness at his ass. "What are you doing, Ed?"
"Loving you, Joe," I answered, my cock now sliding in and out of his crack, dry fucking him. "I have loved you and ached for you for so long, man. I need you, Joe, baby. Bad!"
Seeing how intensely I sounded, how desperate, how much he had enjoyed dumping his load in my mouth, but at the same time not able to accept the fact that a cock was knocking at his back door, Joe turned around, bent over, and took me in his mouth, his butt now right at my face, hairy crack almost touching my nose. It didn't take me long to shoot my load as my tongue found his hole and probed it.
Maybe a minute or two, and Joe's mouth was filled with my cum. I exploded, literally. Streams of semen left my body, spurting into the warm mouth. It felt as if my balls were vacuuming my body for more and more juice to feed my lover. Yes, as Joe swallowed my essence, he became my lover. I just cummed and cummed.
We lay next to each other, naked, spent, exhausted, for a short while, in total silence. The only audible sound in the room was our breathing and my heart beats. I couldn't tell the thoughts that were going on inside Joe's head. Perhaps it was ok for a guy to let anyone, female or male, to suck him off. But Joe sucked my dick. He swallowed my cum. I could have died just to know what was going on in his head.
But I knew what was going on in mine. I had Joe. My inhibitions were released, so were his.
On the spur of the moment, I turned and kissed him for the second time, on the lips, lightly, the scent of my cum strong in my nostrils. I didn't care what would happen. I didn't give a damn that he had rejected my kiss earlier. I expected him to move away, but to my surprise and delight, I felt his hand reach around to the back of my head, pulling my face closer to him, kissing me back full and hard, forcing my lips open with his tongue, sliding down to reach my throat. Instinctively, as I returned his passionate kiss, he rolled on top of me. I felt his hardness press on my stomach. Sticky and throbbing.
Using his knees, Joe spread my thighs, his cock sliding into my crack. I felt the hot knob pulsating at my hole, urgent. Still wet from the spit and cum, Joe entered me. The pain was indescribable. I held my breath to stifle a scream. Oh, how I wanted him inside me, regardless of the pain. His manhood driving into me made me squeeze harder on the shaft of his cock as if forcing him out or keeping him in. He kept going deeper inside me in spite of my reflex squeezing of my rim muscle. His cock seemed to naturally find my fuck tunnel and slide through it to reach my insides.
When he was completely inside me, I relaxed. The pain was still too much to bear, but the pleasure was stronger. His lips locked onto mine, Joe started fucking me, missionary style, my legs raised high.
He was my man, masculine, lustful, buried inside me. I looked at his face and saw the extent of his passion for me as he fucked me.
When I cummed under the pressure of his sliding belly, we both felt the slickness, and this made him go faster and deeper. In no time, he shot his load also. I didn't feel the spurts as I had felt them hit the back of my throat earlier, but I did feel the extra hardening of the shaft, spreading my ass muscle wider. He froze on top of me as he kept shooting what I felt like gallons of semen into my belly. The feeling was indescribable. Could I say fireworks? Did I hear bangs and see umbrellas of stars falling down on me? Choirs chanting hallelujah? Mixed with rock and roll, blues and jazz, even some Beethoven and Mozart? All of the above. Nothing can describe the feeling of Joe's exploding his love inside me. I had been fucked before, not a lot, but a couple of times. Nothing compared to Joe's ejaculation. I had had other lovers, for short periods, but in no way could anyone come near to Joe's grunts as he spurted into my bowels. My ass muscle vacuumed his cock and balls, sucking out every last drop. I was filled.
Flexing inside my ass, moaning on top of my body, Joe rested his weight on me, his lips glued to mine.
"Thank you, Ed," he whispered inside my mouth as I squeezed on his softening cock with my rectum.
"You are beautiful. I love you."
Slowly, Joe finally slid out of me and plopped on his back, his cock still throbbing, glistening with juices.
Lying on my back next to him, his maleness intoxicating, my legs still stretched wide, I closed my eyes, heaved a deep sigh of contentment, and smiled. My ass tingled with drops of Joe's cum starting to seep out although I was trying my hardest to keep his love juice inside me.
I turned around, nibbled his ear lobe and said: "I love you, too, Joe."
Looking forward to hot times, I thought: I finally found a lover.