In My Dreams by Reprobate (rprob8@hotmail.com)
In My Dreams .. is a true story ... a story of lust. Of love of a man who I love as a brother. There is no sex involved ... sorry . Just a story of a straight man, who became one of my closest friends, and for whom I have lusted for since the day we met until even now these many years later. I hope you enjoy it.
I remember in detail the day he walked into my life. I put an advertisement in the paper for the company I ran, we needed a new delivery driver. Only 6 applied, and he was one of them.
When he was shown into my office, I just about fell out of my chair. I collected myself, shook his hand and took his application form for the job. He was 21, 5'10" tall and 170 lbs. He was muscular but not in the "gym rat" sort of way. Sparkling blue eyes and a quick smile that showed very even, very white teeth. A straight aquiline nose ... and a chin that seemed set just a little too close to his lips. He was not classically handsome, but to me he was extremely good looking. His hair was dark brown and cut almost in a military cut so each individual hair stood out at almost 90 degrees from his scalp without any hair product in it. His hair always stood out like a porcupines quills, so even now, 15 years later, he still keeps his hair cut the same way.
When he spoke, he had the thick accent of an "east coaster" just arrived. As he walked to the chair I indicated, I made note of his clean tight white t-shirt, his unfashionably tight jeans and his sneakers. Yes, he certainly had a nice body and, intentionally or not, he was really showing off all its fine details. His crotch bulged hinting at a promising package, and when he turned to walk to the chair .. my mouth watered at the sight of his ass.
This man became the lust of my life. Not my love ... my lust.
He got the job, but not because of my lust ... well, not only because of my lust. I confessed to him a few years ago why I had given him the job and not the other 5 he saw applying. They were all equally qualified, had the same amount of required knowledge. They each appeared to have the same knowledge of the city streets. So it was a difficult decision for me to make ... on qualifications alone. But this guy, the object of my sudden lust, I gave him the job. And for reasons I should have been fired for (if I had been anyone else but the boss) ... I decided if I was going to have to look at these guys every day ... I may as well hired the guy I knew I would enjoy looking at.
I knew from his application that he lived in a community not far from where I lived in the country ... almost an hours drive north of the company's location. He did not know where I lived until one day a month or so after he started. He'd gone out to start his rather old dilapidated car ... and it wouldn't start. I arranged for the mechanic I used for the company to tow his car over to his shop and he would fix it the next day. And then I gave "him" ... lets call him Jeremy ... a ride home. The only problem was, I was expecting a delivery and had arranged for it to be made at a specific time. Jeremy's car problem had me running late, so I explained the dilemma to him and told him he would have to come to my place until the delivery arrived and then I would drive him home. He had no problem with that.
We arrived at my place and offered him a beer, which he accepted, and we sat down in the living room and chatted while we waited for my delivery. I had spoken with Jeremy from time to time since he had been working for me, but because of my ongoing lust, I decided it would be best to keep my distance and our talks on a professional level. But that evening, we learned more personal information about each other.
He learned I owned my house and lived alone. That I was 37 and never married. And that I had finished college with a business degree just after I turned 19. I had lived in a number of places ... some thousands of miles from my nearest friends and family.
This last bit of information intrigued him. He rented a room with a family in the community I mentioned. He moved here to find work because there was nothing back home. He didn't know anyone here, except us at work and all his family was out on the coast. He started to tear up a bit ... and that is when I decided we needed another beer.
Just as we started them, the delivery truck showed up, dropped off the package ... and we continued our chat.
Jeremy hadn't been able to make friends here yet and no one at work seemed interested in socialising outside of work. Jeremy and I were the only ones who lived north ... the rest were scattered south through the city ... or up to 30 and 40 miles east and west of it. It became very evident that the guy was lonely, real lonely. The family he boarded with wasn't all that friendly, just wanted his weekly money and that was it. He basically drove home from work and stayed in his room until it was time to go to work again.
Our beers were finished and I told him I would give him his ride home then ... but on the way I wanted to stop to have some dinner and I was going to treat him ... so no arguments. I drove us to this nice little restaurant with great food I frequented, usually alone, and were seated .. the owners greeting me by name. I told him to order whatever he wanted. Jeremy commented that there weren't any prices on the menu ... and I told him that is why I had told him to order anything he wanted and don't worry about price.
I found myself falling for this guy the more I got to know him. I knew what he was going through because I had gone through it myself when I moved thousands of miles away from home. He was kind of the "puppy dog lost" and I just wanted to protect him ... but I knew I had to keep my distance. He endeared himself further to me when he leaned across the table and told me he didn't know what any of the stuff was on the menu. I grinned and told him I would order for both of us ... and I guaranteed he would enjoy it. So I ordered the steak item, although by its description you never would have known it was beef tenderloin. I had already ordered a wine and we relaxed back, sipping our wine, and just talking.
When our meal came and he took his first bite ... the expression on his face was something to behold. Before the meal had arrived he had gotten a little worried about all the cutlery around his place setting, not know which to use for what ... so I told him just watch me and do as I do. So we ate our main course and I think it was the first time he ever had a taste explosion in his mouth. I got more enjoyment from watching him experience it than I did from eating my own meal.
This restaurant had an almost orgasmic desert called "Mud Pie". It was pure decadence. So I ordered us each some and Jeremy watched as I picked up the desert fork ... he did the same and dug in. Again ... watching him was the best part. When we had literally devoured it all, there was remnants of the ice cream, chocolate and God knows what else on the plate. Jeremy just about choked on his wine glass when he saw me tilt the desert plate towards me and I ran my index finger around the plate ... brought the coated digit to my mouth and sucked it clean. When he stopped coughing and choking, he leaned over and said even he knew you shouldn't do that in a fancy restaurant. I laughed and told him that the first thing he has to learn about etiquette ... there are just sometimes you have throw the rules out the window. Then we both laughed. But Jeremy quickly looked around, I guess to see if my wiping my plate clean with my finger had gone unnoticed, and then he did the same. I told him ... see, nobody cares. And we laughed again.
I then drove him home and he thanked me for the ride and dinner ... and I told him I would pick him up in the morning to take him into work. His car was ready by the end of the next day and the mechanic drove it back over in time for Jeremy to drive himself home.
A few days later, the weekend arrived. Saturday I was just puttering around the house when there was a knock on the door. Imagine my surprise to find Jeremy standing in the doorway. He said he would have called first but couldn't find my phone number ... I told him that was because its unlisted. I wasn't sure what I thought of him "just showing up" ... but I invited him in and offered him a beer. So we took our beers outside, sat down and started to chat again. Soon, any reservations I had about him coming over were forgotten. He had such a fresh bubbly personality ... I found it intoxicating.
In those days, I was heavily involved in various charities and money raising gala's. Usually, when there was an event on a weekend, I booked a hotel suite and would check in after I finished worked on Friday ... and head from the hotel straight to work on Monday. That particular weekend, I had decided just to attend the event and then come home right after. And when I did that, I always arranged for a limousine to drive me there and back so I wouldn't have to worry about my drinking. By about our third beers, I told him I had to start getting ready ... but I guess the loneliness was getting to him again and he didn't want to leave or at least didn't seem to. So I told him to help himself to more beer when he was ready and I would be back shortly. So I left him there enjoying the nature from my deck and I went in to shower, shave and get dressed.
I came out about a half hour later dressed in my tux. I could see Jeremy was on about his fifth beer at this point and I told him there was no way he was driving himself home. I would drop him off on my way to the city and then I would call him the next day and then go down pick him up and bring him back up to get his car. That sounded good to him. Just then the horn sounded in the driveway and as we walked through to the front, I was closing and locking everything up. I locked the front door and pulled it closed behind me and practically ran into Jeremy.
Apparently I had forgotten to tell him my ride that night was a stretch limo. Again he was like a school boy. He had never seen one of these up close let alone been in one. He had hardly had a chance to check out all the gadgets, the TV, the phone and how the window between the back and driver went up and down as well as the sun roof ... when we were pulling up in front of where he was staying. He hopped out and I told him I would call about noon the next day. The gala was typically boring, but I made nice to all the politico's and business leaders who would be donating heavily to our cause.
The next day, I picked Jeremy up and brought him back to my place ... and he stayed the day. I cooked us up a roast beef dinner with all the trimmings ... and about 10 PM Jeremy decided it was time for him to go home. Although he seemed to do so reluctantly. That night as I showered before bed, I jacked off under the spray and my only thoughts were of Jeremy. That's when I knew I was in trouble.
Jeremy continued to come over, more and more regularly. I guess I had become something like his big brother. There was nothing sexual emanating from Jeremy during our time together. He just wanted company and I was handy. I knew he was straight, even my gaydar told me he was totally straight ... but I was head over heals in lust. I enjoyed his company immensely ... but I lusted for his body.
When it became evident that our friendship was a pretty deep one and was not likely to change ... I decided it was time I told him that I was gay. It was no big secret. The people who owned the company I ran .. they knew. They knew before I even accept the job there. I always told my employers. I figured if I was going to get fired some day, I wanted it to be because I didn't do my job right ... not because I liked to suck dick. My family and friends had known since I was 21 ... so for about 16 years. The employees at the company ... some may have speculated but none knew for sure ... at least no one asked if I was. I never yelled it out from the roof tops. I just never considered it an issue unless I planned to bed someone.
But Jeremy was fast becoming a very close friend ... and it was time he knew. He was floored when I told him. And hurt, I think. He didn't talk to me for 3 days after I told him. I had started to believe that was the end of our friendship.
Over the months, I had taken him places and introduced him to a lot of new experiences ... not because I intended to get into his pants ... but just so I could enjoy the reactions he displayed as he encountered these things for the first time. I think I enjoyed experiencing them again .. as if threw new eyes ... as much as Jeremy did. Things that to me were every day things now, nothing to get excited about. But I found myself getting just as excited about things as Jeremy did.
I had a weekend of charity events, so I got a hotel suite for the weekend. The hotel over booked or something so my one bedroom suite turned into a two bedroom suite. I called Jeremy, told him to pack a bag and a limo would be there to pick him up in an hour. The concierge had been alerted to his imminent arrival, and as per my request, Jeremy was ushered up to my suite as if he was royalty. He had stayed at a hotel before. And that weekend he was constantly phoning Room Service for something. I discovered they had a masseuse on staff at the hotel .. so booked an appointment for him with her. She came to the suite with her portable table and they went into his bedroom, About half an hour later he came tearing out of the bedroom with the comforter wrapped around him like a mummy and sat on the couch opposite me. He was all flushed and I could tell he was totally embarrassed. I asked what was wrong and he leaned over and whispered that he had gotten "a stiffie" .. which he didn't think was right to be showing in front of a stranger and a lady stranger at that. The masseuse came out of the room with a huge smile .... she definitely knew what had happened and why he had bolted.
He came with me to visit friends occasionally and their houses were literally mansions, and he was in total awe all the time we were there. I took him to the finest restaurants in the city, and he slowly learned how to order wine and what to order that he knew he would enjoy eating. I took him to his first plays, operas, ballets ... art openings ... and the sites all around the area where we lived and the sites in the city too. He even tried to lose his east coast accent ... but a hint of it is still there today.
Most of the time I paid for our "adventures" or excursions ... but not all the time. And he never just expected me to. I paid because I wanted to and because the cost was just basically "pocket change" to me. Where, if he paid, it usually was a fairly big chunk of his weekly wage.
Anyway, as I said, we had grown quite close in the "big brother little brother" sense ... and I held my lust in check. Finally, I was working late on the third day after I told him I was gay ... and he came up and knocked on my office door and asked if we could talk. I said sure, set my work aside and indicated a chair on the opposite side of the desk. I thought ... here it is, end of our friendship. He shocked me when he apologised for acting the way he did. He said he just realised that it didn't make any difference whether I was gay or straight. I am exactly the same person then as I had been before I told him. Nothings really changed.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Then he asked me if I had been nice to him and did all those things with him because I wanted to get into bed with him. I was bluntly truthful. I told him I have wanted to get into bed with him since the day he applied for the job. I admitted at times its been difficult for me to keep my lust in control. But, I said, we have become very good friends these past few months, and lust or no lust, I was not going to make a pass at him and jeopardize the friendship we now have. I told him if he came to me stone cold sober and told me he wanted to go to bed with me ... I would not say no. But I am not going to make a first move on him. I reminded him, his friendship means too much to me.
A few months later he called me up about 2 in the morning, completely drunk. He asked me if I would come down to his place (he had gotten himself into an apartment by then). I reminded him it was 2 in the morning and I was in bed. He told me if I came down there he would let me suck his cock. The lust driven side of me wanted to scream out YES and hop in the car and get down there. But, the logical (?) side of me prevailed and I reminded him he was drunk and that I had told him the first time he asked me, if he asked me, he had to be stone cold sober. I told him I would talk to him in the morning and hung up the phone.
He used to do these totally innocent little things that would cause me to go instantly hard. Like, if he had to come into my office for some reason, we had gotten to know each other so well he could tell just by looking at me if it had been a particularly stressful day. On those days he would, without a word, walk behind my chair and start to give me a neck and shoulder massage. He knew the effect he had on me mentally .. but I don't think he was ever aware of the physical reaction I would experience just from his touch. Many a night, as I laid in bed stroking myself to a climax, my thoughts for many years were of Jeremy.
We are still friends these 15 years later. He has stuck with me through some very difficult times, difficult for me, and its been hard on my friends. You see ... I have been disabled for the past 9 years. No more high paying job, my investments and retirement certificates are all gone as is all the money in my bank accounts. All that money was used up to pay off bills and a mortgage when I was compelled to stop working ... and used to live on for years while I battled to get a disability pension that I was entitled to right from the beginning. Anytime I have needed help to do something or go some where ... Jeremy has always been right there.
Jeremy knew I missed going to the east coast. I used to spend 4 to 8 weeks of my vacation every year out there. But I hadn't been able to travel out there since 2 years before I had to stop working. Jeremy, a couple years back, bought himself (and his wife and daughter) one of those large motorhomes. He literally kidnapped me for 2 weeks and drove me out there ... and helped arrange it so a large number of my friends from around the world would meet me out there ... even if they could only stay a day or two. I think my friends had every Bed and Breakfast booked in the area where I was staying. You see, I had figured a few years ago the only way I could travel that far now was in a motorhome. That's not the reason Jeremy bought it ... but taking me out there was one of the first things he did after he bought it. I am blessed that most of my friends are like Jeremy ... they have stuck by me through all of this disability crap.
And I have been here for Jeremy too. Through all his loves, and loves lost. And any major decisions, it seems he still has to talk to me about them first. My thoughts and opinions still matter a lot to him. Still the big brother little brother thing. I've been here for him through his marriage, the birth of his only child, a very messy divorce. Been here to help guide him when he decided to open his own business, and the lean times until he got it established. I couldn't help him financially, but he has always known and counted on my shoulder to be here when he needed one.
But even after all these 15 years ... I find him to be just as hot,sexy and lustful as I did that first day. He knows I still lust for him ... as did his wife before they divorced ... and even his current love interest that I think will again end in marriage. The only difference now ... he doesn't mind teasing me a bit about it and joking around about it. He is also well aware that even though I haven't had sex in over 7 years due to chronic pain ... I would still suck his cock at the snap of his fingers, even though I would probably have to deal with escalated pain for months after. I still dream of laying him back and running my tongue and lips over every square inch of his body ... show him what a blowjob should feel like, kiss and lick that still marvellous butt of his, fuck his virgin asshole until he squirms and whimpers with the ecstasy I know I could drive him to. But, that's as far as my fantasies go ... they are sequestered to my dreams.
Do I love him? Yes ... I guess that's obvious. On top of my lust for his body ... there is love. But love as a brother ... nothing more, nothing less.
You never know though. I am now 52 ... and Jeremy is 36. There's a lot of years yet in which I may wear down his defenses