To the high council of ZMok_Hor'Ra,
Most reverented and respectold lords,
I hereby request to be dismissed from my duty as a member of the Interdimensional Explorer Team 4.1. Fifty-five Time Units after my arrival on the planet of Sun 3, I have decided this is where I wish to spend rest of my time.
I apologise to my brethren for this treason, but my decision has been made and cannot be changed. As an explanation for this strange behaviour I will now tell you, in the best way I can, of my first encounter with the strange and primitive bipeds of Sun 3, and the bizarre effects it had on my person. This is the only way I can conceive of to give a satisfactory explanation, please forgive my humble person for not being there in person to clarify my experience, but this will have to do.
Let me first give you the raw data on the primitive bipeds of Sun 3, a species that calls itself "humans" and shares it's planet with googols of other, even more primitive species and races. They exist in three dimensions, are large and clumsy, and breed by mixing the two sub-kinds: man and woman. All this information, but no more, can be found in the Interdimensional Explorer Database 4.1, as you know I was sent to add to this information. But how could I have been prepared for the amazing things these 3-dimensional beings had to offer?
I made impact, quite as planned, in a city, a densely populated area where most of the inefficient plantlife of this planet has been removed. For a moment I believed I had made a mistake, because I had landed on a particularly densely overgrown spot, but luckily soon one member of the alien race came into sight. I lifted myself up and positioned myself between the eyes of this rather small creature so I could observe all the things the creature observed. I soon drew the conclusion that I had attached myself to a particularly young member of the species; the two other creatures it had immediate view of were considerably larger and more leathery and wrinkled of skin. I observed these creatures for a while, and was surprised to find that they must somehow have acquired some sort of language, for they seemed able to communicate with each other, and with the larva I was attached to.
Then they called out to a third one, who quickly approached. He sat down as they stood up and disappeared. He leaned into my direction and sent some phonetic messages to the larva. Immediately I felt the need to examine this specimen more closely, and as I drifted closer to him, I felt some strange calling emanating from this being, and it was answered from somewhere in me. He had less of his skin covered than the others, leaving his body bare up to the place where it began dividing into the two legs, and especially that bareness seemed to hold some hidden significance. I nestled into the gold-brown skin of the shoulder, with a view over the rich hills and valleys of the chest.
Confused by my own lack of logical action, I rolled down towards the darker-brown tiny volcano that stood in the middle of one of these hills, and an indescribably pleasant feeling began to flow in through my tactile sensors. It was as if some hidden vibration, on an obsolete frequency was sent out by this creature, and somehow it was stronger on this volcano-shaped tip. I felt the vibrations increase as the little volcano changed shape, grew harder and higher. There was nothing that could have stopped me now, my whole being was vibrating along with this golden creature, he let out the air in his lungs in a long rush, and I saw his forepaw move in the direction of his lower front.
That attracted my attention, I began to wonder what was hidden under the green cloth, and, reluctantly, began to make my way across the warm brown landscape towards his lower body. You must understand, that by this time I had lost all sense of duty and responsibility, I was simply determined to find out what these strange and new sensation could mean, all else had slipped from my mind. Call it dementia if you will, classify this planet as a class % area if that is what you must do after reading this message. I can only tell you the truth.
I had made my way across the part of his body that was uncovered, and slipped into the cave that was formed by the green material that covered him. The light filtered through it turned soft green too, the atmosphere growed moist and fragrant, the incredible vibrations still increasing as I made my way downwards. I was making my way between short, black hairs, (as I told you, it's a primitive species) when I caught sight of a very unusual shape of flesh. It was responsible for the large space under the clothing, a broad, brown tower of flesh, bent against the green material and poking it upwards as far as it would go. This, I felt my innermost being tell me, was the source of these exotic sensations, this was my goal.
I made my way around the stem, and started climbing up the underside, making my way across a drumming vellum, shot through with speeding rivers, just below the skin. They made my sensors blur out, my neural center getting overloaded with their subliminal message. Above all this, I heard my human making another kind of vocal noises, at first I thought he was communicating again, but they were too rhythmical and too alike to carry much meaning. His breath had changed from a normal, inaudible ebb and flow to a fast and short rushing, and I guessed the human must be experiencing something like I was.
I had reached the top of the tower, and my whole being was now swaying with the heavy throbbing that emanated from somewhere below that skin. The sensations by now blocked out my sensory input, and blinded I moved on across slippery skin, following the call of this amazing body. I came across some kind of liquid, dove into it and found a tiny hole. As I hung motionless at the entrance, I suddenly felt the vibration increase from all sides, my neural center was trying to shut itself down, I felt this whole strange world collapse around me as suddenly, the sensory information came flooding back terrifyingly clear. I felt a sudden wave of liquid rushing out from the tube I was hanging in, washing me away on hot waves, lifting me high, pulling me out of my being, again, and again, oh!
Eddy opened his eyes to a painfully blue sky. He heard his mother and father, distantly; his mother in panic: "Oh my God, honey are you all right? are you in pain?" Never before had he felt so hot all of a sudden, in fact, he had never felt hot at all, too hot to talk, to hot to think, to hot get up and make it to a place where he could jerk off without being watched. He looked down and saw that his shorts were wet, a darkgreen spot was growing between his legs.
He had come right there, on the grass in the park, moaning and sighing, with his little brother right next to him. He felt like laughing. It was so inexplicably funny, and then he did laugh, long and hysterically, his mother growing more worried every minute. They would think he had gone mad. He had no idea what had come over him, but he sure hoped it would come again sometime.