Legal Stuff: This story could contain theme's that aren't suitable for younger audiences and does contain material which may offend others. So if your under 18 (or 21 in some area's) And find gay content offending please don't read any further
"Somewhere I Belong"
Chapter One
Alone is a perpetual feeling of lonliness that one sometimes never seems to escape. It numbs the senses and eats at the soul until there is nothing left in an individual to build a foundation for trust and love for anyone else. Once alone, always alone..
Derek walked home in the bitter chilling rain feeling very much alone. The thick drops pelted his clothes and hair soaking through that chilled him to the bone. Not that it mattered to him since at the moment getting sick or worse would have been a greater relief than continuing what he had thought was a pitiful existance to begin with. He silently stalked along the puddles the heavy drizzle had created, splashing water into his shoes, but it didn't mater much to him since he was pretty well soaked anyway.
He usually didn't care about the trivial things in life like wet feet or the discomforts of being out in the rain. Derek tended to look at things on a much deeper level than anyone else which was the main cause of why he was misunderstood. Most teenagers his age carried on about sports and fashion and the latest gossip of the week from the ones that made up his junior class. Derek despised it, and every other thing that made up life. He often wondered why he was even born to grow up in such a messed up world.
Being gay didn't help matters for him either. Derek had known about his sexual preferance from an early age although he didn't share that little fact with anyone, mainly to the fact he didn't believe that anyone could be his friend. After observing life from what he thought of as an observer's view he only found that friends really only ended up using you in the end and always betrayed what little trust you put into them.
His thoughts where interupted when a city bus passed by splashing even more water on him. He let out a scowl and a look of hatred for the carelessness of others even though at times he was usually careless of others as well. Derek continued in his self induced agony, stumbling to find his way through the dismal streets of a stormy afternoon. People he knew from school sped by and laughed at him in his soaked state, the voices were like acid, laughter like knives that continued to stab into his heart making him as cold on the inside as he was on the outside.
Derek finally rounded the corner to where his house sat. Modest by most standards, his parents were both well off, which also ment that they also worked alot which fed his feelings of lonliness. Well he was used to it. His parents just like everyone else only acknowledged his presence only when necessary. As he came to the front door and turned the lock with his key the rain stopped. Darek glared over his shoulder and muttered.
"Figures."
Stepping inside he took off his shoes and peeled off his socks knowing that his mother would give him an earful if he traded water and mud over the persian rugs that filled the house. He picked up his shoes and quickly made his way up the stairs, in search for the solitude that only his bedroom could grant. The only place on this earth where Derek felt whole was his room. Here, he could bring down the temporary mask of anger and truely be himself without prying eyes invading his privacy. Derek flung his back pack off his shoulder, which landed in a corner with a moist thunk, not needing to worry about the contents just yet since at least that was water proof on the inside.
He shrugged off his drenched jacket and shook out some of the water and laid it aside as he peeled off his shirt and threw it in an empty laundry basket. Empty basket.. It was full when he left this morning which ment sometime during the day someone had invaded his solice to take the laundry. Derek eyed it carefully then scanned his eyes across the expance looking for anything out of place but reluctantly, everything else was just as he left it. Another indulgance his parents enjoyed were hired house cleaners that came and cleaned the place twice a week. Why his parents felt the urge to pay someone to do their own dirty work was something he didn't understand, but he had an idea it was because they thought such tasks where beneath them.
After peeling off the rest of his clothes and throwing them in the basket, and changing into a set of sweats he sat in his chair at his desk and rested his head on his hands. There he remained just silent, settling the days trials behind him. Derek pulled up his shirt and poked at a bruise on his ribs that had been gifted to him a few days before by a group of seniors who appearently needed a shot to their ego's. It was still tender to the touch which made him flinch a little. He was glad it was only bruised and not broken, it was something that he wouldn't really want to explain to his parents because they would probably try to say the whole affair was his fault.
It had happened the year before when he was a sophmore, he had been walking home as he always did when a roup of four surrounded him and dragged him into an alleyway. At first he was able to keep a solem face of calm but when push came to shove his mask broke and the thugs took full advantage of it. He came home that night bruised and bleeding and the first words out of his fathers mouth where not pleasent. That experiance caused his heart to ache, especially since his push over for a mother had taken his father's side instead of attempting to keep what integrity she had to fight for him.
Derek looked down at the bruise again then allowed his shirt to fall back down to his waist and rubbed his eyes before the memory caused more pain than they where worth. He stood up and walked over to the bay window that took up a good part of his room and peered out. The rain had stopped and a break in the clouds allowed the sun to poke its rays through interrupting the bleakness of the environment. Outside younger children in the neighborhood began to splash in the streets which depressed his mood even further. People continued on with their lives on the outside as he shielded his on the inside.
He moved away from the window and softly layed down on his bed carefully nursing his chest and shut his eyes..
A knock on his door a few hours later interupted his quiet slumber, he opened his eyes enough to identify the source which happened to be his mother. She poked her head into his room and quickly glanced around as if she was looking for something incriminating and when she saw all was well she let out a smile.
"Have you been sleeping all this time?" His mom entered without being asked and picked up his coat from the floor.
"Derek, how many times have I told you not to leave wet things on the floor, it just soaks through the carpet and causes mold. Now we payed good money for this carpet least you could do is take better care of it." Her condecending voice made him stifle a sigh.
"Yeah I know, and it wasn't on the floor when I laid down." He sat up slowly not wanting to flinch and looked at her with mild displeasure in his eyes.
"Well if you would stop walking in the rain, or carry an unmbrella." She set dumped the jacket into the basket without a second thought as if it were an old rag.
Derek didn't acknowledge her remark as much as he wanted too instead he just played civil with the hopes of getting her to go away.
"Anyway," she continued, "you need to get dressed we're going out to dinner. Your father has some news he needs to share and felt that it was to big to be enjoyed at home." She smiled and made way to his bed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. This reaked of a setup and he knew it, but he couldn't think of anything off hand as to what the news was. Whenever his mother ever really showed effection it was usually because his parents were about to do something that would turn his live upside down which right now was the last thing that he really needed.
"Why can't we just stay here, I don't feel like going anyplace right now." Derek grumbled and flopped back down onto his pillows.
"Well tough get dressed your father is on his way home and I expect you to be ready before he pulls into the drive." Her voice went from condacending to forceful at the drop of a hat. Derek pulled himself out of bed and walked over to his closet as his mother finally granted his wish and left his domain. After a few minutes of plucking through the stuff that his mother insisted was full of taste and very "smart" he found the black dinner jacket and slacks his mother didn't really care for as much as he did.
Whatever this big news was he thought he may as well dress for the occasion. By the time his father's Mercedes pulled into the driveway Derek was dressed for a formal funeral. But then again knowing his parents as he did, this was most likely suitable for the situation.
Derek heard a door slam downstairs which signified his fathers arrival and heard a booming voice downstairs that confirmed the fact. Derek's father was a large stout man who never took no for an answer, always knew when you were lying and kept his family only for liability's sake when out in public. In fact out in public was the only place his father really paid attention to him.
Derek reluctantly left his bedroom and slowly made his way down the stairs where his parent's were waiting in the family room. Why it was called a family room he had no earthy idea. It was never used for that purpose, but leave it to his parents to give it a proper name but be damned on what it was actually suppost to be used for.
His father glanced at him once and nodded, most likely thinking, 'Well at least he's presentable.' His mother just shook her head.
"Well lets get going." His mother said as she removed a pair of white gloves from her purse. The three of them headed out in silence and climbed into the car and drove away. The trip to the restraunt was mostly dominated by his parents chatter with small comments made to him to check to see if he was still breathing in the back. Derek just gazed out at the passing world and bserved as he always did. Most things world wise he had been sheltered from, so he only saw most of it from a distance which is how he got his unique prospective on things.
Finally they arrived, the restraunt was more "posh" than Derek would have preferred. The wood paneling alone must have cost some part of the world a once thriving forest of its strongest trees. The meal was drab, you'd figure the amount his father was paying they could produce something that didn't remind him of school food. After dinner his parents left him alone to dance for a bit, which he expected. Sitting alone left him alone to his own thoughts which where interrupted prematurely as his parents came back to the table.
"Now for the news, Derek your mother is aware of it already but we thought that we would take you out for a special treat to share it with you." His father smiled at his mother who returned the smile a bit to eagerly which made him a tad uncomfortable.
"With the promotion I was awarded last week and the raise that comes with it, me and your mother decided it would be best to send you off to continue your education. Lately your grades.. Have erm.. Well not good. We both feel it is best if you continue without the distractions from your current school."
Derek's jaw dropped, blood flushed to his head as he attempted to protest, to say something , anything but the words left him as something else filled him, a rage, an ugly dragon ready to rip his parent's to shreds. His parent's toasted each other with champaign as if they had been searching for a quiet place to dump their only child and finally succeeded.
The rest of that evening Derek didn't quite remember. He spent most of it in a daze attempting to keep his mask up so he wouldn't show his true feelings to his parents or anyone else. He had learned that being emotional had left him open for attack and it was something that he would never allow. The parts of what his parents had kindly informed him that had retained in his memory for him to mull over as he laid in bed staring at the wall, where the fact that he would be leaving almost immediately to begin his new life as an outcast.
As the night burned on if someone had actually been listening they would have heard a soft sob, and if they had actually looked they would have seen a single tear from someone.
TO BE CONTINUED...