The Goddess

The Goddess By William Dohle

"All praise be to the goddess, now and forever..."

"Amen..."

It was the normal mid-day ritual at the monastery of Zurcam. As monks, we practiced an acute form of asceticism to the high goddess of love and virtue. The function of the mid-day ritual was to calm our hearts and prepare our minds for meditation on her holiness.

For many of us, the ritual did not serve its function today. Today was a special day in the monastery. Today was the Feast of Eros! Not many monks participated in this feast since it only occurred once every fifty years. Its precepts and rituals were a mystery written in the Great Tome only the Abboto kept.

As the mid-day prayers ceased, I opened my eyes and looked around at the monks. Peering through the crowd, I could feel the anxiety of our Order as we awaited the celebration tonight! Walking across the room, I spoke gently to a brother of mine.

"I anxiously await the arrival of the feast tonight, and you?"

"I have tried to quiet my mind and soul and concentrate on her Holiness, but the wonder of the Feast astounds me. Perhaps her Holiness wanted it this way?"

"Perhaps...perhaps this is the reward you receive when you arrive at a certain time."

"...or the punishment." Brother Kiltern, a friend I had known since I was a child, walked slowly back to his room. "I shall see thee at the Feast tonight?"

"Yes indeed" I answered and turned the corner to return to my own room. There in the privacy of my den, I closed my eyes and prayed to her Holiness for renewal and peace of mind. It was a hard prayer, but at last I felt her peace sweep over me. I felt calm and still, as I usually did in mid-day prayer. Before me I felt her Holiness' presence smiling down upon me. I looked so small next to her radiance, but I did not feel uneasy. In fact, I felt her favor fall down upon me.

Suddenly I heard a knock at my door. I looked up and darkness peered through the window. It was Brother Kiltern, "Brother Don...Brother Don...awake! The feast begins!"

I felt strange as I dressed in my robe, bowed, and ran down the hall. The Feast was to begin promptly at dusk and this tardiness would not be accepted by the Abboto or any others in the monastery. As we reached the hall, I heard the voice of the Abotto begin to speak. I sat down near the back so as not to be seen my him or any one of my superiors.

"Today is a great day in this monastery. As you know, the Feast of Eros only occurs but once in fifty years. We are privileged to be a part of this great Feast in this era. I shall now open the Tome and read for you of the Feast of Eros."

Opening the book, the Abboto fell silence as an ahh sounded across the audience. The Abbotto then spoke, though not in his usual voice or tone, "The goddess Speaks: Every fifty years the Feast of Eros shall commence in my monasteries. One shall come forth in this feast who will be my Image on Earth. That one shall carry my presence for a single year after which time they will be released to live a life away from the monastery but blessed by my Special Blessing." The monk continued reading, "The monk I have chosen this year is Brother Don."

My heart stopped. Brother Kiltern turned to me with a smile. The Abbotto continued speaking. "The Abbotto will assist with the transformation. I look forward to seeing all my monks in the flesh soon." The Abbotto stopped reading and declared. "This is the word of the Goddess." The whole assembly responded with, "Amen." Then all was silent. Many of them, including me, had hoped for a different feast, one with wine, women, and song. Instead this Feast was an intimate communion with one individual and no one else. Unfortunately that one individual happened to be me! For some reason, before the dawn of time, the Goddess had chosen me to be her vessel in this time and place. I would, for purposes, carry out her mission here.

As the monks began to exit the room, I too began to leave. The Abbotto stopped me and motioned me over to his chair. He did not look pleased as he said, "I see the Goddess has chosen you to be the recipient of her Holiness. I will not argue with her judgment. We shall start immediately. Meet me in my study at dawn. There I will bestow on you the blessings of old and give you the sacred water of Love." With these words, the Abbotto departed, leaving me alone in the Great Hall to think and ponder.

The monastery had never been my first choice of occupations or locations. I had once imagined and even wished to be a graceful dancer in the theater. As a child I watched the women who danced the theater. I always wished I could be there, twirling my body and living life to the fullest. I once told my parents my desire. Their response was quite clear. Dancing was a women's occupation, not a man's job. Pursuing it would bring great disgrace on our house. Still, despite their frowning, I began to study under a young woman, Serina. She taught me the dances of Nature and the Goddess. Oh how I loved to dance the night away, praising the earth and the goddess! Often I would sneak out of the house and there, where no one could see me, break forth in dance and praising. This continued for some time. One day my parents found me dancing. They were disappointed and displeased. They immediately sent me to the monastery and I have been here ever since.

The monks have treated me well over the years. The Abbotto is the only one who knew of my dancing. He still frowns at me when he passes in remembrance of my punishment being here. I have tried to concentrate on the prayers and meditations, but I still hear the music of the dance calling me away.

That night I had the strangest dream. I dreamed the Goddess Herself had come to visit me in my slumber.

"I am so proud of you, Sister Dawn. You above all others have proven yourself worthy of harvesting my presence."

"I do not understand, Goddess. Why have you chosen me?"

"Do not think of such matters, my Sister. The only thing you need know is that I love you and promise to be with you. Many changes are going to be taking place in the next few days. Just remember my presence is with you and anxiously awaiting your final transformation."

"I will try..." The dream faded and I awoke to a feeling of peace and security.

No other dreams occupied my sleep that night. In the morning, I went to visit the Abbotto in his chamber. He was meditating at his desk when I knocked at the door.

"Come in, my son," he said as I walked in. "You have been chosen for a great task, one I am not sure that you are up to handling. In any case, I will still perform the rituals and have faith in the Goddess' judgment. She is after all supreme."

"Amen," I said to this statement of faith. The Abbotto walked over the cabinet and opened a large door. In a small alcove there stood two candles and a picture of Her Holiness. I had never seen a picture quite as beautiful as the one painted there and I knew that even it did not contain her beauty. The Abbotto turned toward me with a large book in his hand. It was the same tome he had read from the previous night.

"Come here, my son." Taking a large flask, he dipped his fingers into the liquid and touched my forehead. Reading from the book, he declared: "Goddess....you have chosen this one to be your messenger into the world and to carry your image for this monastery. Mold him as clay!

Make him your image that is above all images." A strange feeling came over me at this point. The words began fading and I could see the Goddess standing behind the Abbotto, her arms raised and her face smiling. I could see she was mocking the Abbotto and his ritual. I chuckled in response.

"Brother Don...do you understand the extremity of these rituals?"

"Yes, Abbotto."

"Then why are you smiling to some stranger behind me? What is so funny?"

"Abbotto, that is no stranger, that is..." but the Goddess silenced me. Putting her finger over her mouth, I could tell that she did not want to be known now.

"That is whom?" the Abbotto insisted.

"No one, your Grace."

Impatience gripped the Abbotto. "I will forego the rest of the ritual. It is all a bunch of words anyhow." Pushing a vial of liquid in my hand, the Abbotto said, "Here! Drink this down. This will bring the essence of the Goddess into you."

"But...what is..."

"Drink now!" the Abbotto said, his face red with rage. "Closing my eyes, I drank the vial down. The sweet smell of flowers on a cool afternoon filled my nostrils and the sweet taste of honey touched my tongue. I smiled. "Now, you may go back to your order. The Feast is complete!"

Walking out the door, I saw the Goddess in the corner wink at me and shake her finger mockingly at the Abbotto. I laughed and walked quietly out the door to proceed with the day's duties.

The rest of the day proceeded normally, though I was a bit giddy and anxious at all the prayer times. I found myself giggling at nothing in particular and had to prevent myself from skipping down the hall when no one was looking. All in all, the day went by as no other had. By nightfall, I had worried not only the Abbotto but Brother Kiltern as well. "Something is not right with you," my friend told me. I knew something was not right, but I could not determine the error in my action. I felt so full of life and love that I wanted to share it with these dreary monks! Still I tried to keep this feeling down.

That night, I felt strange. The air was stagnant and hot all around me. I tried to sleep with my robe on, but found that position impossible. Locking my door, then I did the forbidden and slept nude on the hard bed. At first I did not think I would sleep through the night, but I quickly discovered otherwise.

That night I had a dream. The Goddess came to me in this dream and stood beside me. I tried to cover myself up, but she tenderly took my arms away from my body and laid me back down.

"Tonight we will begin your wonderful transformation."

"What transformation," I wondered nervously.

"Just relax. I am the potter, you are the clay. Relax in my hands and I will mold you into a beautiful creature, more beautiful than you can possibly imagine!"

"all right," I said, giving into this wonderful woman beside my bed. Laying down, I felt a strange stiffness come over me. Then her hands, her wonderful hands, were touching my body. My skin felt tender to her touch as she began at my legs. She molded my feet first, making them more round and slender. They looked like the feet of my mother before I left home. She would often walk around the house barefoot and I use to watch her feet. These feet, though, held something more than hers did. I could feel an energy rise in them. These feet wanted to move! The Goddess molded my toes and moved up my leg. Wherever she touched, the skin turned soft and hairless. The muscles began to regroup themselves and I could see a definite shape in my legs as she moved up my lower legs stopping at my knees.

"Did anyone ever tell you your knees were square?"

"My mother once," I replied. "That was an excuse she found for forbidding me to dance."

"Well, we will just have to fix that." I felt my knees rearranging themselves, become sturdier and more flexible. Their shape turned round instead of square and a faint smile crossed the Goddess' face. "There, that should be better now." Moving her hand up my calf, she made that too smooth and hairless, throwing a bit of energy there as she had done with my feet."

"There, that should do you for tonight," she told me as she got up and walked out the room.

"When will I see you again," I called out after her.

"See me again? Why we are a part of each other, sister. Soon you will be able to look in the mirror and see my face."

"Oh..." I said as she took her leave. The dream ended, but the rest of the night I could not sleep. I had lost the legs I had fallen asleep with and had gained two very feminine looking legs.

The next day I tried to hide my new appendages under my robe. It worked fairly well, though I had a few people staring at my feet as we walked up the stairs, face down, to the room for mid-day prayer and petitions. In hopes of avoiding any frontal contact, I kept my face down during the prayers in "deep humility."

After prayer, a deep longing to escape the monastery came over me. The monastery where I had been staying these last years was not without a garden. The garden, conveniently located in the center of the monastery where none could escape, was filled with lush vegetation. One could theoretically get lost in such a place if it were not for the four convenient exits. I found myself wandering around in this Eden, completely oblivious to my surroundings. In the center of the brush, I pulled up my robe and peered down at my new legs. They seemed so graceful and elegant, as if they had been molded for a particular purpose.

Above me, the chanting of the monks signaled mid-afternoon. I stopped what I was doing and knelt down in prayer. As the monks sang, my feet began to feel jumpy. I stood up and began to move with the chanting. The dance carried me throughout the brush. Careful not to disturb others, I quietly danced through the meadow, praising the goddess of love and virtue for all she had done. I found myself moving to the dances I had learned as a youth, but this time as a graceful participant in them instead of a clumsy man following the steps laid by another woman. I felt so alive and renewed as the chanting stopped!

Taking a deep breath, I walked back to my room. What had I done, I thought. I had suddenly broken out in dance. It was as if that dance had been harboring in me all along and had sprung out when I heard the mid-day chanting. I feared what would have happened if I had been in a more public place. I was sure I could not have stopped dancing even if asked to stop. This potential both frightened and excited me. So, careful to avoid any music or dancing, I retreated to my room after dinner.

That night I anxiously awaited the Goddess' arrival. What new dances would she teach me tonight, I thought. As I drifted to sleep, I once again saw her stow her way into my room, a smile brightly shining on her face. "So, Sister, did you enjoy the dance?"

"Oh yes, your Holiness. I felt so...so...alive!"

The Goddess smiled again. "And so you should...but I am far from done with you, my precious."

"Will you teach me a new dance?"

"Later perhaps. Now I need you to lie down for me."

I did as she said, though I was still clothed. This did not seem to matter today as I felt her smooth hands pass over my body. The same stiffness came over me as did a sense of peace. Gracefully, the Goddess moved her attention to my hands. Taking one of them in her hands, she massaged them until a warmth developed within them. Then she spread out my hand and taking each finger individually, she moved her own fingers over them. I could feel them getting softer and the scars that I had known since I was a child disappearing. My nails grew long and my fingers round. Then she moved her hands up my arm and I watched in awe as new changes occurred there. The dark skin and black hair that had once occupied my arm was replaced by a soft, white skin and blonde hair.

The moved her hand up my arm, pass my elbow, and onto my upper arm. Where ever she touched, the skin grew whiter than it had been, the hair blonde. As she reached my upper arm, the Goddess took more care. I could feel my arm shrinking in her touch. As she moved away, I understood the reason. The muscle that I had worked for when I was a child had suddenly shrank as had my arm.

Moving to the other side of me, she did the same with the other arm. Now my arms and legs matched! The Goddess smiled. "So you liked the dance, did you?"

"Uh..I guess..." I said, waiting if she was going to continue her work tonight.

"I am so happy to hear that because I want you to continue to dance! Continue to move to my music."

"I will try, my Goddess..."

"That is good," she said, wiping her brow. "I will of course continue my work tomorrow." Winking, she walked out of my dream as I awoke once again to a newly changed body.

The dance started earlier today, this time in plain sight of most of my Brothers. We had just begun mid-day prayer when suddenly my legs started moving. As my legs moved, my arms also joined. They seemed so graceful and I could not remember such grace since I watched the dancers back when I was a child, but their gracefulness seemed inappropriate at this particular time. The monks stared at me as I moved my hands and legs, slowly and serenely, to the beat of the chanting. The motions appeared random to me, but had some rhythm to them. The chanting monk did not stop, perhaps our of fear or perhaps out of awe. Then I understood the dancing. I was telling the story of the goddess from her beginnings until now, only I was dancing to her story instead of singing it. I was a participant now in a story older than the earth and everything in it. As this revelation hit me, I found a joy building inside of me. To think that the goddess would choose me to convey her story to the world, to tell all in such a unique and beautiful way!

The chanting stopped and with it my dancing. As I stopped moving, I found myself face to face with the Abbotto. He did not appear too pleased with my conduct, but did not keep me back. I found my friend, Brother Kiltern later who asked me in a broken whisper:

"Where did you learn how to do such things?"

"I do not remember.... they just came to me!"

"I know, "he said looking around, "but don't you know that it is what women do. Dancing is not for men. Good reflection is a man's work in this world."

"Perhaps that will change soon," I said to his stern disapproval. Then, restating myself I said, "I will try to refrain myself." With a nod, he walked off.

The rest of that day I tried desperately to understand my actions. The dance I did in the garden and the dance for mid-day prayers both had some connection with the Goddess, but how? She had told me last night that I should continue dancing. Was this her doing? I made it a point to ask her about this later tonight when she visited me. I wish I could have asked her then, though, because for the rest of the day the monks treated me as though I had committed some cardinal sin. Walking around with their heads down, they made a faint motion toward me in rebuke. I understood this motion from when I had arrived here. This was their way of telling me to change my ways.

And so, I spent the rest of the night in my quarters, contemplating my deed. I must have fallen asleep in the midst of these contemplations, because the door opened and the Goddess entered, her face radiantly shining with a smile and a laugh.

"I hear you really disturbed the monks today," she said to me.

"I have been confined to my quarters...unofficially of course, but still just as pressing."

"Dancing never hurt anyone. They ought to try it sometime."

"They would never do anything like that. That is a woman's job after all. It would take the Goddess herself to come down and tell them to dance before they would begin."

"Precisely..."she beamed. "Now, lie down and we will begin our nightly exercises. You are becoming such a beautiful creature!"

I could not help but obey her wishes. She was the Goddess after all, though I was beginning to get a bit nervous of this transformation she was performing on me. Thus far, the two transformations that I had undergone, namely my legs and my arms, had been purely out of necessity.

That is what I thought at least. What could she possibly transform now?

Lying down, the stiffness came suddenly. Then the Goddess moved around to my head. With her finger tips, she massaged my scalp. I closed my eyes to revel in the feeling. Moving across my scalp, the Goddess moved her soft fingers to my face beginning with my forehead and moving across and down until she had covered every inch of my face. I did not notice anything differently here at first. Her fingers felt so soft and cool. When she had finished, every inch of my head was relaxed and at peace. She smiled at me and said in her sweet voice, "You may open your eyes now, Sister."

I opened my eyes and at once noticed that my hair had grown longer.

With no mirror in the room, I could not tell how long it had grown or what I looked like now. I felt a little stranger, now. My lips felt larger and my face felt more circular. The Goddess smiled softly at me as she left. "Tomorrow we shall complete the picture for you, my darling. Then you will know what it is to be in the image of the Goddess!" The door closed and once again I found myself awake, only this time it was already morning.

I had just barely fallen back to sleep when Brother James came knocking at my door. I opened it with sleep covering my face. "What do you want, Brother?"

His jaw fell open. "What happened to you, Brother?"

"What do you mean," I asked.

"Your face, your hair. They look like those of my sister back home. Where did you acquire this?"

"You would not believe me when I told you," I said as I closed the door. Today I was not in the mood for anyone milling over me, but I knew that it was exactly what I was going to have today whether I liked it or not. I went to morning breakfast, only to have the entire monastery looking oddly at me. I tried to eat in peace, praying to the Goddess for strength and wisdom. One Brother who had been there longer than I came close to me. He was known to be a harsh one with words and often was confined in his quarters for his statements to others. He came close to me and whispered in my ear, "Did the dancing woman finally have her face done properly?" I turned around suddenly only to see his ghastly grin. With a sneer, I quickly exited the room.

I did not arise from my quarters that entire day. Even at the Abbotto's knock, I still did not answer the door. I did not know what I looked like, but from the reaction of others, I must look quite different. By touch alone I could determine that. I no longer had any facial hair. My skin was as soft as silk. My cheeks had more to them too. My entire face had grown plump last night. My eyes opened wider they seemed and my nose too felt odd. Most odd were the lips that I ate with. They also felt quite large and full. And then there was my hair.

I did not even want to think of that.

So that entire day I spent alone in my room, thinking, and waiting for the new changes this Goddess would bestow onto me.

That night on schedule, the Goddess arrived in my room. I was ready for her this time.

"What do you think you are doing," I cried at her. "Now I cannot even go out in public! People stare at me and think me a freak!"

The Goddess only smiled and nodded. I could tell she had heard this from others before, though I could only imagine what other people had told her. "You shall feel differently today," she said sweetly. "I am about to put the finishing touches on my masterpiece. Now lie down..."

"...but you Holiness, I do not..."

"Just lie down!" she said with a force that compelled me to obey. I did as she commanded and at once felt the same stiffness. I had begun getting use to this feeling. "Before I begin, I must tell you something. Today I am going to make you a woman. As a woman, you must behave as a woman would behave. You are not to touch yourself except to wash yourself. Only the man whom you will choose later in life will be able to please you in this way, do you understand?"

I did not understand at the time, but I nodded my head nevertheless. The Goddess continued, "If you are to be my image, you must do as I do. Do not ever please yourself. Pleasure only comes through the man whom you will choose." After this repetition, she put her hands on my chest. The skin became smooth and soft to her touch and the hair that had grown on it disappeared at once. Then, slowly, I saw her kneed my flesh as one would kneed clay when fashioning a pot. First she fashioned my nipples and made them larger. Then with two fingers, she pinched them softly. I could feel a spark run down my spine and the Goddess grinned. Then taking the flesh around my nipples, she kneaded it and created two perfectly round sized breasts, each the same size as the other. They were not too large, but still quite prominent on my body.

"Now I shall begin the most important part of all," she said as she rubbed her hands together. Bowing her head and closing her eyes, she began to chant incoherently. A yellow glow grew between her hands. Her chanting grew louder and louder until finally she separated her hands and placed them both on my stomach. I could feel something change within me as my stomach began to grow in size. Now I looked as my mother had looked before my sister had been born. The glow now came from my stomach and with it I felt a pulling sensation between my legs. I could hear the Goddess still beside me chanting, "Life...life..."she said mixed with words I could not understand. I now knew what she was doing. She was giving me the ability to bear life, to bear children. She was finally making me into a woman!

Her chanting grew more and more quiet as she removed her hands. The size of my stomach began to decrease as did the glow. In just moments, my stomach was flat but smooth and soft.

"There, my child. Now you are a woman," the Goddess said with a sigh. The task had exhausted her and she began to take her leave.

"My Goddess," I said, my voice still low and masculine. The Goddess smiled and came toward me again.

"I forgot one important part. We cannot forget to change that." Placing one finger on my throat, she said, "Now may your words be my words. May my words pour forth from your mouth as a river and renew this place once more." Then with a sigh, she left.

I did not know whether I wanted to wake or not. I knew now that waking in the morning would not change what had happened to me that night. Something miraculous had happened tonight, but I was afraid to see the implications. I closed my eyes and covered myself before I woke up. My mind would need a little time to get use to these new changes.

A loud knock awoke me in the morning. "Brother Don. Awake and meet me in my chambers!" It was the Abbotto. He had obviously heard what had happened to me the day before and was probably preparing to dismiss me. I got out of bed, forgetting what had happened the night before. Two perfectly round breasts greeted me on my chest. I would need to get use to these soon, I thought as I pulled my robe on. I tried to hide my features but found I could not. With the robe tied around my waist, my new cleavage still hung out. I shrugged my head and went to meet the Abbotto for dismissal.

Walking down the hall, I did not expect the reaction that I received. Monks that had once had their heads down suddenly shot up in surprise and followed me with their eyes until I was out of sight. I could feel the attention of the whole monastery and for the first time I felt totally at ease with it. With a brisk knock on the door, I walked into the Abbotto's chambers. The Abbotto was stunned, but tried to quickly regain his senses again.

"Brother Don. It appears that something odd has happened to you this week. I urge you now to consider leaving the monastery before anything else happens."

I opened my mouth, but the words that fell out of them did not sound like my words. They were soft and feminine, but still held authority in them. "Brother Abbotto, I will not leave. I have much work here in this monastery. The Goddess has come and she is now among you." I took off my robe and let it fall to the floor. "I am the Goddess," I said to him. The Abbotto's face grew pale as his eyes ran up and down my body. "This was once a temple for my glory. I am the Goddess of love and virtue. You have made my dwelling a house for holy men. Men who have never heard of love or virtue. You pride yourself on your rituals, but you do not have my spirit. Therefore, I declare that from now on this monastery will be a house of dancing and singing. The morning, mid-day, and evening prayers will be abolished and dancing will commence immediately.

The Abbotto's face was frozen, his jaw open and his eyes still on my new body. Then, rising from his chair, he moved to the door. "I shall inform the others, my Goddess," he said. Closing the door behind him, he left me alone in the chambers.

The robe that I had worn still sat on the floor. I would not need it now, I thought. This monastery needs to be awaken, and it cannot be awaken until they see the full figure of the goddess. So, naked, I strode out into the monastery again, ready to face the future.

I cannot say that things changed rapidly, though they did change in ways I could not have imagined. The Abbotto had told everyone of his encounter in his study and had immediately consulted the tomes and books of old, confirming that indeed my presence here was the presence of the goddess. Taking me by the hand, the Abbotto lead me up a flight of stairs to the secret room reserved for the goddess when she comes. I was given a large wardrobe of elegant dresses which I wore around the halls and to everything except the dancing. Everyone in the temple accepted me as the embodiment of the Goddess and took every word of mine to heart. The Abbotto gave the authority to me, honoring me with his words of faith.

One thing still disturbed me, though, and that was the prayer schedule. Scheduled prayers had become a bore and I wanted to change their celebration. I had come for some purpose, I thought, and that was to shake the lives of these monks from complacency to rejoicing. I would be worshipped as I wished. The monks were more hesitant when it came to changing their routines, but slowly things did change. A core group of monks, known as the Rejoicers, began to assemble in the central garden with me. These monks, which I counted as the highest of my devotees, participated with me in the dance of silence, a dance we danced naked in celebration of love and virtue. This dance traditionally involved only women, but I decided to change that and involve the men of the monastery in it. It was a beautiful occasion and one of the things I awoke every morning to participate in. Many of my fellows from the monastery, including Brother Kiltern, danced among the flowers and plants celebrating life in this way with me.

One day a young man came to the monastery. He was dressed to travel and had all the necessary provisions. I escorted him in and began to talk with him.

"What is your name?" I asked him politely.

"Frederick...and yours?"

"It is no matter," I said, avoiding the answer. "Where are you from?"

"Quite a distance away. I have been traveling for sometime."

"Would you like a place to stay," I said, secretly anticipating an affirmative answer.

"Yes, I would," he said with a smile. I found myself staring strangely into his large brown eyes. They were eyes of a wild and free man, tamed by nothing except the passion to explore.

"I will show you to your room," I said shyly. Strange feelings had surrounded me at this point. An electricity that I had never known pulsed up and down my spine as I spoke to him. I walked him to his room, the entire monastery staring at this new arrival. I wondered if anyone could see my attraction, but I did not care. Something inside of me wanted to be with him more than anything.

Things move slowly at a monastery, even one of the Goddess of Love and Virtue. Frederick did not leave as he had anticipated and during the next few weeks, he and I became good friends. Often, after the Rejoicers had danced at mid-day, we would walk together among the flowers and trees, talking and laughing. I found myself strangely attracted to him. His eyes glowed with a radiance that I had never seen before. He seemed so curious about life and the world. I feel passionately in love with him. Still I did not want him to know me for who I was or to know who I had been before. The anxiety of this information still haunted me, though.

"Why are all these people here really?" he asked one day while we were in the garden.

"What do you mean?" I asked in my usual question avoiding manner.

"These monks or priests or whatever all seem different somehow...different than ordinary men at least!"

"Huh," This puzzled me even more. Everyone seemed to look the same as when I had entered some years back. True people had grown old and some had died, but they were all essentially the same people.

"Take that priest over there," he said pointing to Brother Kiltern.

"Look at him closely. You will notice something quite odd.

I looked closely at my brother. Nothing seemed odd to me. His naturally long black hair fell down around his shoulders. His figure had improved in the last year and I had noticed a small brown spot developing on his right cheek. He had spoken to me about two lumps that had developed on his chest, but I had not paid too much attention to anything else.

"I do not see anything odd about him?"

Surprised, Frederick asked, pointing at another one of the Rejoicers "What about that priest over there?"

Looking closely I did not notice anything odd about him either. His long hair had been pulled back into a braid. He, like Brother Kiltern, had lost incredible weight from the dancing and had also developed two lumps on his chest. His face was round and smooth and he noted the other day that he had not shaved in some time. In addition to this, his voice had gone up a few octaves, making him an ideal soprano in those dances that required singing.

"I do not see your point," I told him.

Frederick became impatient. "They are all so feminine looking! Something is or has happened here. They have all become women!"

Looking again at my brothers, I noticed that Frederick was correct.

All the brothers who had participated in the dancing with me had become quite feminine in the last year, many to the point of actually becoming women. They had not noticed as I had not noticed. We had all been too caught up in the dance. Frederick looked at me puzzled. "Now will you tell me who you are?"

I was a bit hesitant to say anything, but decided that it was best for the man I loved to know a little about me. With a sigh and began: "Frederick, I am the goddess of love and virtue sent down to heaven for a year to share my life with this monastery. I have nearly been here a single year and have been awaiting my return. Sister Dawn, the woman you are speaking with and have fallen in love, is the mortal through which I have come to this place. She is everything you have fallen in love with and more!"

Frederick looked a little puzzled. "I think I will be leaving tomorrow. My time here is at an end."

Frederick's words hit me. "Why," I frantically asked him as he started to get up. "What have I done to you?"

Frederick smiled, a smile that reminded me of the goddess who had visited me those months past. "I have fallen in love with you, goddess Sister Dawn. Unless I can have you as my own, I must take my leave from this place or find myself forever in your midst and perhaps as unfortunate as your brothers here." With that, Frederick walked back to his room.

There was no dancing that evening. I spent the evening silently in my bedroom, pondering what Frederick had said. I did not know when I was going to have to leave, but the year was nearly up. As I thought so hard about the future and about my love, I fell asleep and dreamed.

In my dream, the goddess came and stood before me. She smiled down on me and said in her sweet voice, "You have served me well, young one. You deserve my blessing." Putting her hand on my head, she said quietly, "I bless you with the life and vitality of women everywhere. May you go and live with your Frederick. May you nurture him and his children until the day you die when you will at last rejoin me in my bosom." Taking her hand from me, the goddess began to leave.

"Wait," I yelled after her. The goddess stopped walking and turned around. "I have so many questions. What do I do now?"

"Go and meet your bow. You have chosen him and he will be yours."

Nodding my head, I remembered the Rejoicers. "Why did your presence change things so radically? What happened to my brothers?"

"There are reasons for all the folk legends everywhere. Did you not think that the dances you danced to me would change the dancers? Dancing is meant for women or men open to the changes the dancing can bring. Those men were open to such change because of you. They were prominently changed and made into manifestations of the dance in which they celebrate."

"What will happen when you leave?" I asked, puzzled.

The goddess just smiled. "I have never left my people. The Rejoicers we started will continue dancing and may even recruit others to join the dance. Their gender means little to them now. The dance is the only thing that must remain. For the others, the chanters and such, they will continue the tradition they have passed down for another fifty years when I will again choose one to mold and come into." Moving to the door, she said, "I must go now, my child. Live the life that is within you and do not forget to teach your children the dance."

"I will, my sister. Thank you."

As she left, a loud knock sounded through the door. "Sister Dawn," Frederick said. "Goddess, can I come in?"

"Of course," I said sitting on my bed.

Frederick came in with his pack on his shoulder. "I must say, my goddess, that I will now take my leave of you."

"You'd better not," I snapped at him, grinning.

"I need to go," he said.

"Not without me," I told him.

Frederick smiled. "What do you mean? Are you not needed here?"

"The monks will take care of themselves, the goddess has told me. I am no longer needed. She has given me her blessing for children and long life if only I choose a man. And I have chosen you, Frederick! So, by the power of the goddess that remains in me, I order you to take me from this place and into your life!"

Grinning, Frederick nodded. "Gladly, my goddess!"

"Just call me Dawn, Frederick..."

Gathering the few supplies I had with me, I walked arm in arm with Frederick out the doors I had never left. As we left, Frederick said, "Dawn...how did you ever get this way?"

"You will never believe me," I said as I closed the brass doors to the monastery.

"Try me," he said, lifting me on his horse.

"Well, it all started way back...."