I don't know if any of you have shared the same type of obsession I've had, but for those who have I hope it turns out to be as rewarding for you as it as for me.
I first saw Axel Preston when I was a lowly freshman at prep school and he was the student body president. He was one of those guys, obviously blessed by the gods. From one of the best families, keen of mind and wit, killer personality and graced with a body that made even straight guys take a second look. He was 6'2", not an ounce of fat on his tight muscular body. He looked every inch the star quarterback, which of course he was. And his face, full and handsome, with soft sensuous lips, light brown bedroom eyes punctuated by long curved lashes, chestnut hair which fell gently to frame a countenance almost too beautiful to be male, while at the same time too rugged to be female.
From the moment he walked to center stage during freshman orientation I fell desperately in love. His voice, rich and deep with the unmistakable lilt and tone of a New England aristocrat, gave me a hardon. Though I'd never had sex with a man, except in fantasies, I knew I had to have him.
I did everything I could during that year to be near him. Since it was an all male school I became a cheerleader so I could share the locker room and travel with the team. I worked on the school paper, because he was the Editor. I got a part in the Spring play because he was the star. I volunteered to be on any committee he served on. He was always very nice to me, friendly, kind, but I could never break beyond just polite social contact. I was never priveleged to be invited up to his room for one of his famous bull sessions.
When I learned he'd be going to Harvard the following year, I transformed myself into a diligent student. Though I wouldn't see him for three years I knew I wanted to be where he was so I made certain that my grades were what they had to be so that I could follow him.
During my first year in Cambridge I managed to cross his path as often as I could, but Harvard is a bit wider world than prep school and I saw even less of him. It didn't matter. Close or distant I adored him. I was fortunate in that he decided to go on to Harvard Law, so though it didn't afford the opportunity to be any closer to him it kept him close by.
I entered the Law School the year following his graduation. He took a job with a Boston firm as I buried myself in Torts, Civil Pro and Con Law. To the observer my life couldn't have been better, everyone said I had a stellar future before me, but I knew the course of my life was being driven by my obsession for the unobtainable.
In my senior year I was offered a number of jobs with some of the finest law firms in the country and even the opportunity to clerk for a Federal judge. I wanted only to work for Axel's firm. The Fates intervened to allow the continuation of my mania. I was offered and immediately accepted an associate's job with his firm. Axel, who'd just been made a full partner was assigned to supervise me.
Of course he remembered me and for the first time acted as if I were more than just a person passing through his life. Though he drove me hard and without mercy, I was up to the job. I'd endured much more than anything he could dish out now and my reward was to be close to him even though it only made the torture grow. We spent hours together in the office, I became his partner at racket ball, I even stood up for his wedding. I knew I had no chance, but I'd resolved to lead a celibate life so long as I could be near him. So it went for six long years.
It was sweet torment, I saw him at work, we played golf, tennis and racket ball off work, we travel together (unfortunately never sharing a hotel room); we'd become best friends. Then in March the bottom fell out of his personal life. Out of the blue Sarah, Axel's wife, announced she was seeking a divorce. She claimed that since he spent so much time at work she felt abandoned; her grounds were mental cruelty. The real reason was that she'd fallen for someone else and she wanted out so she could be with her new lover. If I live to be 100 I'll never understand how anyone would give up Axel for any reason.
Axel who'd never failed at anything slipped into depression. Of course it couldn't have come at a worse time, we were in the middle of major litigation with one of the firms biggest clients. Axel was the lead partner on the case and I was his second. I did as best I could to keep things together, but we needed Axel's expertise in order not to blow the case. Slowly he started to climb out of his lethargy. We became closer at work and off. I was relieved, the case was pulling together and Axel seemed to be returning to his old self, still I felt that under the surface things were still not right with him.
Then about six months after Sarah dropped the bomb, the divorce became final, Axel was single again. Three days later we had to go to Springfield, Massachusetts to take some depositions in our case. It was a last minute sort of thing and there was only one room available in the Springfield area, all rooms were booked due to the New England States Exposition. As our travel department said we were lucky to get a room at all.
We flew into Bradley Airport rented a car and drove up I-91 into Springfield. It was after 7:00 by the time we checked into the hotel. It wasn't awful, the usual run of the mill room, but hardly the type of accomodations we usually had. Axel said he wasn't in the mood to eat out and said he'd order room service.
"But, don't let that stop you from having a decent meal. I wouldn't be good company anyway. Go out and have a good time."
"Forget it. I hate eating in a restaurant alone. I'd rather have a sandwich from room service than a steak alone."
"Don't like eating alone myself, but I'd better get used to it," he gave a laugh containing no mirth. "I'm sorry you're stuck with me Jeff. I know I'm shitty company. I thought I was over the rough part, but the finality of the situation came roaring back with the decree. The worst part is I'm not getting any sleep. I spend most of the night pacing. I'll just lay in bed tonight, so don't worry I won't keep you awake."
"Don't worry about me. Once I'm asleep a heavy metal band could rehearse next to the bed and I wouldn't hear it. So pace all you'd like, watch TV, whatever you won't bother me. But listen Axel, if you'd like somebody to talk it out with or even a shoulder to cry on I'm here for you."
"Thanks Jeff, I really appreciate your friendship. Maybe talking about it would help. I've thought about going to a therapist, but I just can't imagine telling a stranger what I'm feeling. I'd much rather talk with a friend, someone I trust. But I certainly don't want to burden anyone else with my problems; of course, if your willing and volunteering, I'd like to very much."
"Hell, what are friends for? I owe you more than you'll ever know. Though I doubt you'd understand, I am who I am in large part because of you."
"Bullshit, you are who you are because you're one of the smartest guys I've ever known. And you're a good friend. If I've helped in you're career it's because you earned it. You're a damn fine lawyer."
"Thanks, Axel, from you that's a compliment."
"I mean it."
"Okay, pal. Let's talk. What, besides the obvious, is wrong?"
"Everything and nothing. I guess the hardest part is knowing that the divorce was my fault. I was a piss poor husband. Oh I was a great provider, Sarah had all the material comforts, everything that money could buy. I just wasn't there for her in any other capacity. The only time we spent together was during social affairs, otherwise we almost never saw each other. I usually came home after she'd gone to bed and left before she got up. We were seldom intimate, our sex life consisted of one or two times a month and even those she had to initiate contact."
"Axel, don't be so hard on yourself, that's par for the course for a guy with your resposibility. It couldn't have been a surprise to Sarah, her dad had to be the same way."
"That's true, but knowing it and experiencing it are two different things. The hell of it is that I liked things the way they were and I assumed she did too. I was wrong, but I've faced the fact that I love my job more than I did my wife. That's were my real guilt lies. I never cheated on her, I just didn't care enough. I went into it with my eyes wide opened. I got married not because I couldn't live without her, but because it was time, it was like any other career move."
"That is a little cold, but Sarah's happy now, or says she is. You still have your career and for your age your just about in the best position anyone could be. There isn't any doubt that you'll be the senior partner once the old man retires. That's still, what at least 8, 10 years away, you have lots of time to get your personal life on an even keel. You've learned your lesson, move on. Just don't make the same mistake over. I'd say things have worked out for both you and Sarah."
"Intellectually I understand everything you've said, and I agree. Emotionally I'm a basketcase. Me, who had sex more to please her than me, I'm horny all the time. I don't think I masturbated as much when I was a teenager as I do now. I stay awake at night wishing Sarah was here so I could fuck her or shove my cock in her mouth."
"Yeah, so what's your point. In some way the divorce has released some pent up sexual energy and you're horny. Listen pal, most guys are like that most of the time. Maybe you're just a late bloomer. And speaking as a single, mostly celibate man there is nothing wrong with masturbation."
"I don't know. It's not me. I've never been very sexual. Never had a strong desire to pursue and seduce women like my peers. I was happy with Sarah as my wife and sex once in a while was enough. Now I crave it."
"There's probably some deep seated psychological explanation behind it, maybe you've repressed all sexual urges in your pursuit of career. I don't know, but the fact is that you're horny now just like the rest of us. I say go for it and enjoy it. You're young, you're good looking, you've got status and money, getting laid should be the easiest thing in the world for you."
"Right. I'm horny, but I'm not sure I want to go through all the trouble. It's a paradox; I want sex, but I'm not motivated to look for it. That's fucked up." He laughed again without humor. "Well, enough of my dysfunctional life, let's order some food."
The conversation had been leading down a path I'd always wanted to take but had been afraid to. So all I said was, "Sounds good to me."
We both decided on club sandwiches, french fries and iced tea. Twenty minutes later a waiter was wheeling in a small cart that he efficently converted into a small table for two. The sandwiches were actually very good made with oven roasted turkey, crisp bacon, fresh tomatoes, a leaf lettuce." After we'd polished them off I took a long hot shower before coming back to the room wrapped only in a towel. Axel followed me in the shower and soon we were both sitting on each of our beds, still clad only in towels. Of course I'd showered with him and seen him naked countless times, but always at the club, this was the first time we'd hung out in a state of semi-nakedness for any length of time. I was sure I'd get aroused if I let myself think about it. I suggested having a drink from the mini-bar. May a good buzz would prevent me from springing a woody.
"Do they have scotch?" he asked.
I walked over to the small fridge, unlocked it and looked in. "You have your choice of Dewar's, Jack Black or Chivas."
"I'll have a double Chivas," he said. "Is there enough?"
"Sure, there's four bottles. I think I'm going to try Dewar's."
"I didn't know you drank scotch, I thought you were strictly an Absolute man."
"I am, but tonight I have a taste for scotch, it hits me every once in awhile." I poured us each a glassful of the the golden liquid and added a couple of cubes to each.
Two doubles of scotch later and each of us were feeling no pain. We'd engaged in meaningless, inane conversation, each of us for our own reasons staying off the topic of sex and relationships. I was soon nodding off, coming awake from the sound of my own snores.
I wasn't really asleep, more in an alcohol induced daze. When I came out of it for about the sixth time I realized I must have been out for a longer while than the others. I was lying on my bed on top of the covers, still with the towel around my waist, but the room was in darkness and in the dim light coming through the window could see Axel pacing the width of the room. My mind was a bit dulled and I didn't have much energy so I just lay there observing without his knowing it. He was no longer wearing the towel, but was totally naked. I focused in on his penis. It was soft, but long and thick, a real sausage of a piece.
Soon I was lost in my own fantasy. I don't know how much time passed, but the next time I looked at Axel he was staring out of the window with his back to me. I could just make out the hard muscles of his firm ass and was about to slip back into a twilight dream of cocks and asses when he turned. I almost let out an audible gasp, but managed to control myself, the last thing I wanted was him to know I was awake. His cock had grown rock hard, protruding out a straight 8 inches. He fisted it, giving it a couple of strokes, glanced toward me. I froze, making my breathing sound even and regular. Apparently satisfied I was sleeping he gave his meat another couple of tugs before moving away from the window toward his bed. If he'd bother to look at me closely a second time he'd have seen that booze or no booze my own dick was beginning to expand to its own full 7 inches pushing the towel aside as it sought room to grow. Fortunately he was too involved with his own needs. I sensed that he'd kicked back on the bed and was stroking himself in a solitary pursuit toward ultimate pleasure. I waited as long as I dared before turning over on my side as naturally as possible.
He froze again for a very long minute, but once satisfied that I was still asleep returned to self-pleasuring. I had a perfect view of him going at it with long, slow, sensual strokes. Light reflected off the syrupy liquid pouring from the bulb shaped head and running down the long shaft easing his the action of his fist. His legs were spread wide apart, I could see his toes curling, his pelvis thrusting, his hand pumping all syncronized in the beat of the male ritual.
I knew he was at his most vulnerable, that any advance now was less likely to be rebuffed. I'd wanted this for so long, I might never have such a chance again. The fog lifted from my mind, possessed as I was by the hunger of years of waiting. In one quick fluid move I sprang up, dove between his outstretched legs, pushed his hand aside and swallowed his beautiful cock before anything registered in his mind. When he realized what was happening he tried to struggle, but I held him down, refusing to let him out of my mouth. After I'd swabbed his shaft with my lips and tongue a few times the fight went out of him. He let out a moan and then his hips resumed their forward thrusts.
"Jeff, I can't believe this is happening, it feels so fucking good. Oh God, I had no idea--"
That's all it took for me. I went crazy on that cock. I sucked it like I held the world championship in cock sucking, I'd waited so long, I'd sucked it so often in my dreams that I knew exactly what to do. I'd been born for this moment.
I felt him tugging at me, but I didn't want to break away from the cock of my dreams. Only his strength and a sudden sense of what he wanted allowed him to prevail. He pulled me up to him, face to face. We looked into each other's eyes. I felt it and knew he did too. He lifted his face to mine and our lips met. It was as if the world was moving in slow motion. I felt his tongue pushing to gain access into my mouth, then our tongues were locked in a dance of love.
Our passions were given full vent, the dam burst open. We made love, we turned until we were coupled with him in my mouth and me in his. He swallowed the length of my manhood until all of the shaft was buried in his mouth. We came that way the first time, almost at the same moment he was pumping his seed into me as I bathed his throat with my hot rich fluid.
We made love again and with my urging he took my virginity. I'd never felt so filled, so complete, so alive.
"Oh, Jeff. Now I realize what was missing, why it hadn't seem worth having. It was you, I've always loved you. Ever since that pesky little freshman followed me everywhere."
"There's only been you for me. I have never even looked at another person, now I never will."
"Oh God, I'm cumming inside of you. Oh, God. I love you."
"And I love you."