Blood Sport By James
Disclaimer
This is a fictional story which deals with sexual/romantic situations between consenting teenaged boys. This story may also at times deal with situations concerning rape, child abuse, Ableism, Racism, Anti-LGBT Bigotry, violence and suicide. If you're not of the legal age to read such material, or if you can't handle this kind of story then please back out now.
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I wanted to take a moment to thank my editor K, without who's help this story wouldn't be what it is. Your corrections, suggestions and other edits really help with this story being amazing. I always value your feed-back, and it's appreciated. Thank you.
Finally, if you like this story and haven't done this already, secretly go into the dating profile of my E-mail address jamesheady1985@gmail.com and change the Relationship Status from Single to It's Complicated.
Blood Sport
Part Two
Friends for Always
Chapter Six
Opening Up
Josh
Up until the point at which Josh met Jacob, his life had been far from easy. When his parents received his Autism diagnosis after he was born, he had been enrolled in ABA Therapy. That began when he was six, and continued into his teen years. The sessions were long, intense and sensorially-speaking, they were a nightmare. Rarely did Josh have an ABA Therapist who was kind or willing to go slow with him. Most always kept Ronny away from him, and used the stuffed dog as a reward if Josh followed their instructions. Other times they'd make him look for several minutes at florescent lights, many of which were too much for Josh to handle. The flashing lights were the worst, and fortunately they had stopped that after he had went into a seizure the two times they did it.
Mostly though, he was told to sit down, he was also told to draw whatever pictures they told him to draw and repeat whatever sentences they said. Most of them were ones dealing with appropriate manners though. Other times they would work with him on making eye contact. After that, the main instructor would make Josh not stim. When Josh wouldn't stim, the instructor would let him have a moment with Ronny. If Josh stimmed, then the instructor slammed his hand on the table, and yelled "No" loudly just inches from Josh's face. He'd also threaten to throw Ronny in the trash.
Josh worked as hard as he could to act as the instructors wanted, but there were still times in which he would have a melt-down, or a couple at a time. If he had them at home, his parents would beat him afterwards. If they occurred during the ABA sessions, then the instructor would yell at Josh. One of the instructors who started working with Josh when he turned 13 dealt with one of his melt-downs by making him write the sentence: "I won't melt-down ever again." 100 times. That had been pure Hell for Josh, and after he was allowed to go home, he melted down long enough so that he had a seizure afterwards for which he was hospitalized for the rest of the night.
Through all of this, Josh hoped he could find someone who would be his friend. It was when he was about a month away from turning 13, that he began feeling attracted to other boys. He felt like he wanted to hug them, and even kiss them like what he would see some adults do with each other. He especially wanted them to kiss him back. Once he began going through the more intense changes of puberty though, was when he really started hoping that sexual stuff could happen between him and a boy.
With his family like they were, and given most of the time when he'd hear them call gay people Faggots, he figured that he probably shouldn't tell them about his own gay attractions. So he didn't. He kept it to himself, and they didn't seem to notice. As Josh thought about all of what had gone on in his life, he now thought of Jacob. He really hoped that he and Jacob could be best friends, and eventually boyfriends!
Josh then thought about the next two times he and Jacob spent together. They had been at Josh's house, and it was just the two of them since Josh's parents were still at work. Josh and Jacob watched TV for a bit, then went out for a walk. Finally on the third visit which took place at Jacob's house, Josh told Jacob how glad he was that they were really good friends.
"We're best friends," Josh said after a moment. "We'll always be best friends right Jacob?"
"Yeah, anything you want," Jacob replied.
0000
As Josh was remembering those times, Jacob was thinking of them as well. He increasingly thought far more though about the idea on which his bet with his friend group was placed. The end goal of promising that he could make Josh think he would be boyfriends much less get into bed with him. As Jacob thought more about it, he decided that he would make Josh give him sex.
"Why not?" he thought.
He had been forcing his mentally challenged younger brother Nathan into giving him blow jobs for about a year now which started when he told him that he'd get a yummy treat if he sucked on him long enough. Watching him gag as he forced his brother to swallow once he came was the best. He loved getting off at his brother's expense whether it be jokes, or in this case his rocks. Adding Josh as another retard boy to satisfy his sexual needs would be even better.
As November came to a close, Jacob began having Josh over at his house more and more, he finally crossed that line with Josh on the first weekend in December. It was Friday night, and Josh had been at Jacob's house since they both left school earlier that day to begin the weekend. Most of Friday evening was spent with Josh and Jacob watching TV in the living room with Nathan. Jacob was totally frustrated with Nathan, but he struggled to maintain his friendly smile so as to not alarm Josh.
Soon it was 9:00 P.M., and Nathan was off to brush his teeth, then he would be in bed a few minutes afterwards. Once he was in bed, Jacob's parents were in their own room, and now Jacob took Josh to his room.
"You can sleep in here with me for the weekend," Jacob said as he went in to the restroom to brush his own teeth.
"Thanks my friend," Josh said as he put away his own tooth brush then got into the air mattress that was beside Jacob's bed.
"No problem," Jacob responded as he finished up and cleaned off his tooth brush before placing it back in its holder.
Once Jacob was in bed and the lights off, he began getting hard. He got out of bed, and once he made sure the door was firmly closed as well as latched, he quietly locked it. Going over to where Josh lay, he bent down.
"Josh, are you asleep?" he asked.
"Josh was beginning to drift off, then he opened his eyes again. Turning to face Jacob, he looked at him.
"I'm awake," Josh answered. "Are you alright? Did you need something?"
Jacob moved onto the air mattress and leaned on one elbow looking down at Josh's deeply innocent face. He had to struggle to hide the smile that wanted to appear on his own face.
"Well, we've been hanging out for a while now, and I think that we're definitely getting really close," Jacob began.
"I think we are too," Josh replied looking up at Jacob.
"I really do like you, and I have noticed that you don't seem to like girls that much," Jacob went on.
"I like them as friends," Josh said not sure where Jacob was going with this.
"I'm sure you do, but I mean, most guys like girls around our school as more than friends," Jacob responded. "There are some who don't like girls, and they're either gay, Bisexual or people assume that they are either one of those categories. I'm sure you've seen how badly some guys who are either Gay or Bi have been treated by other kids."
"I think I have seen stuff like that," Josh said.
"Well, I'll protect you if you are gay," Jacob said as he moved closer to Josh and put his hand under the covers and on Josh's inner thigh very high up.
"Please keep it between you and I," Josh said worried that others would find out.
"I won't tell anyone else," Jacob said as he began rubbing Josh's inner thigh up and down slowly several times. "I'm sure I'm gay as well, and I really do like you. You're really nice and friendly. I really want to show you how much I like you."
Jacob moved the covers off of Josh, and took Ronny from Josh's right arm putting him off to the side.
"What are you doing Jacob?" Josh asked starting to get worried.
"Just relax," he said. "I'll show you what gay guys like to do together."
Josh only knew about the feelings he had for guys, but he was still at the point of only wanting to hug and kiss boys. He only wanted to kiss and hug those of his own age though. Jacob was almost 18. Though that might seem odd given that Josh went to a middle school at the time, they had the high school in that same building in a separate wing. Sometimes though the high schoolers and middle schoolers shared a couple of periods together, namely Gym Class and Lunch. So it went without saying though, that Josh didn't know much about sex between guys. He certainly didn't know what some of the terms meant that some guys threw at other guys in the locker room.
For example, just a couple of days ago in the locker room, two guys were teasing each other about one of them knowing just how much the other liked getting it in the back door, and the other one joked that he knew the other one just loved the number 69, whatever that meant. Add in the fact that no one had talked to Josh about sex other than a quick talk from his parents about penises going into vaginas, Josh was still extremely innocent when it came to sex between straight people, and even more so when it came to sex or anything related when it came to gay guys.
So now, while Josh felt his penis growing hard when Jacob was rubbing up and down his inner thigh, he felt something else though. He couldn't figure it out, and he just knew though that it felt off somehow.
Now Jacob was trying to get Josh's boxers off, and Josh began to feel afraid.
"Jacob!" Josh said trying to sit up. "What are you doing!"
"Just relax," Jacob said stopping long enough to take off his own boxers, then his shirt.
He returned to trying to remove Josh's boxers, and he struggled a little harder now. He managed to get them down Josh's legs to his ankles.
"What are you doing!" Josh asked again now scared.
"Just relax," Jacob said. "It's part of what gay guys like us do together. You'll love it. You just have to get comfortable. It might help if you take off your shirt."
Jacob pulled Josh up to a sitting position, then lifted up his shirt. Josh resisted, and looked at him.
"I don't understand what you're trying to do!" he said, and Jacob leaned close to him.
As Josh looked at him, he could sense a change coming over Jacob.
"Keep your voice down," Jacob said sharply.
Now it felt like this was someone else in front of Josh, and he didn't know what to make of it. Jacob never talked to him like that before, not ever!
"I'm sorry Jacob," Josh responded.
"Just do what I tell you to do, and you'll be alright," Jacob said working to regain the kind tone he had been using just moments before. "Take off your shirt, and I'll get your boxers all the way off."
Josh did as Jacob told him, and now Jacob pushed him firmly back onto the mattress. Josh could feel his penis hardening a little more, but he still felt uneasy. He could also see that Jacob's own penis was also hard, or looked that way at least.
"Get on your stomach," Jacob said, and now Josh could hear him breathing heavy.
"Josh did as he was told, and now as he looked behind him, he could see Jacob licking his palm several times as well as his fingers. Suddenly he felt something at the entrance of his hole, and there was discomfort then an aching pain. He felt even more scared now.
"Jacob!" Josh called out louder than he should have.
Jacob suddenly shoved Josh's face into the pillow.
"Not so loud!" Jacob hissed into Josh's ear. "Keep your voice down! I'm just getting you loosened up with my fingers."
"It hurts!" Josh said struggling to keep his voice at a low volume. "Jacob, stop! I don't like this! I don't know what you're trying to do, but this really does hurt!"
"It always hurts the first time, but you just have to relax," Jacob said as he moved over top of Josh now. "This is what guys who are gay like to do together, and I'm just giving you what all guys like us want. You'll love it."
With his erection slicked up with his own saliva, Jacob began pushing into Josh's opening, and Josh was terrified now! It felt like a burning-hot iron rod was being pushed into him, and now he felt a slight nausea taking hold of him! He didn't understand what was happening to him, and worst of all he had no idea why Jacob was doing whatever this was to him!
"Jacob stop!" Josh struggled to say through clenched teeth as he felt tears fill his eyes! "Please stop!"
"Just relax, I'm almost in now!" Jacob said as he felt his erection push all the way into Josh's hole finally. "Damn, you're much tighter than any girl I've fucked! That's what this is Josh, fucking, and this is what all us gay guys like. I won't need to fuck a girl now, not now that I have you!"
"Jacob Stop! Please!" Josh said as he began sobbing. "I don't want this!"
"Yeah you do," Jacob said. "You just have to relax, and we're going to do this. We're both going to have fun with it."
Soon it was over, and Jacob pulled out quickly. That hurt more, and now Josh lay there wiping his eyes. He then reached around and feeling wetness, he saw a mixture of something white and then a lot of red.
"Jacob what did you do!" Josh whispered harshly. "I'm bleeding, and what's this other stuff!"
"That's sperm," Jacob said smiling as if he didn't have a care in the world. "You don't need to fuck a girl to blast out a few hot loads of that, you've found that out tonight. Come on, I'll take you in the restroom and get you cleaned up."
Jacob had a restroom in his own room, so they wouldn't have to go out into the hallway. Once he wiped away the blood and sperm, then he made Josh sit on the edge of his bed while he joined him.
"Don't worry Josh, I know that probably hurt a little, but it'll get better the second time," Jacob said. "Let's be boyfriends now. It'll feel even better if we become boyfriends, because it means that we love each other. I'm sorry that hurt, but everything will be alright. Okay? You just have to trust me. Stick with me, and everything will be alright. Also, you will keep this between us right? My parents wouldn't like the fact that we're boyfriends, and I don't think yours will like it either."
"No, I don't think they will either," Josh replied in agreement.
"Besides, a few days ago when your parents were at school for that one parent/teacher meeting, I over-heard them as they were entering the classroom while I walked by to go to another room. They were talking about how they would kick you out if they ever found out that you have sex with other guys. Your dad even said that if you ever turned out to be gay, that he wouldn't have a little gay Slut like you living in his house."
None of this was true of course, and Jacob was lying. He was doing it so well though, that anyone not aware of the situation would have thought he had been telling the truth. Every word of it was untrue, but Josh didn't have to know that.
"I don't want any of that to happen!" Josh said as he felt a stab of fear rush through him.
"I didn't think you would, so we're both on the same page about this?" Jacob said. "You'll keep our relationship and the sex we had just between the two of us?"
"Yeah, I will," Josh said still trying to process all that had just happened, but hoping that he and Jacob could be together as boyfriends.
It didn't get better the second time around when Jacob entered Josh again the next night, and the next weekend Josh stayed over was the first time that Jacob hit him. It happened when Jacob's brother and parents were out of the house. Josh had taken care of ordering the pizza that Jacob asked him to order for the two of them to share. When it arrived, Josh sat it down on the kitchen table, and Jacob came in and opened the lid of the box.
"This has green peppers," Jacob said looking directly at Josh. "I told you to tell them not to put green peppers on this thing!
Now Jacob was shouting, and Josh could hear the rage in his voice.
"I'm sorry," Josh replied moving around the table to put an arm around Jacob's shoulders. "You said order it with everything that comes on it. I didn't think they'd put green peppers on it."
"I told you as you were putting the call through that I didn't want fucking green peppers on this god-damn pizza!" Jacob screamed, and Josh was terrified now. "Next time you fucking listen to what I tell you!"
"I did listen," Josh yelled, but he was more afraid than angry.
Pain exploded in Josh's face, and he suddenly found himself on the floor blood dripping from his lower lip that was split. He then saw Jacob standing over him. He couldn't believe that this boy who said he was his friend, and now boyfriend had actually hit him.
"Oh god Josh, I'm so sorry!" Jacob said moving down to help Josh to his feet. "I really am sorry! I don't know what got into me! Please forgive me! I really do care a lot about you, and I won't ever do that again! I promise!"
"You promise?" Josh asked as Jacob helped him wipe the blood from his lip.
"I promise," Jacob answered.
If Josh thought it was going to get better from that moment forward, he was sadly mistaken. Jacob forced himself on him later that night, and the next night as well. After that second time of him being inside Josh, Josh told him he really didn't like any of that. He also said that he just wanted to kiss, hug and cuddle each other.
"So you don't like the fucking we've been doing?" Jacob asked as they sat on the edge of his bed once he got Josh cleaned up. "I think you do like it."
"I don't," Josh said feeling afraid again. "It really hurts, and I wish you'd stop when I ask you to."
"I know you like it," Jacob repeated. "I can tell how much you like it because of how your own dick is hard every time we do it. It definitely was that first time."
"Yeah, but I still asked you to stop," Josh replied.
"I know, but that's just because you're new to this," Jacob said. "If your dick wasn't hard, then you wouldn't be enjoying it. So you don't really have any reason to complain about how you don't like it. Besides, I'm just being a loving boyfriend."
"You said that you're just being a loving boyfriend, but you never want me to kiss you," Josh said. "You always decide where we hang out, and what we do together. You also are the one who started the sex stuff between us."
"You said that you didn't want your parents finding out about us," Jacob shot back.
"I didn't say that, but you told me not to say anything to them, because they'd throw me out of the house if they found out," Josh said getting more confused now. "You told me about what my dad said as you walked past them a couple of weeks ago when they went for that parent/teacher meeting."
"You're crazy Josh," Jacob responded with a contemptuous laugh. "I didn't say anything like that. I said that they'd probably be upset enough to throw you out."
"I don't understand," Josh said feeling more off center now. "You told me that you over-heard my parents talking as they went in for that parent/teacher meeting, and that they were talking about what would happen if I were gay and they found out."
"I think you're remembering wrong, and if not that then you're making shit up," Jacob shot back. "Look, the point is that you're obviously pissed that you can't be out about our relationship, and so you're trying to put it all on me with saying how you don't like the sex we share, nor the fact that you can't be out about us in public. You can't blame me if you can't deal with the consequences of us doing what we're doing. That's your own fault."
"But you're the one who said that I couldn't tell anyone about us, and that was because of how your parents would be angry if they knew you were gay and had a boyfriend," Josh responded.
"Josh, you really are retarded aren't you," Jacob said letting out a faked annoyed sigh. "I said that my parents might not want me to date someone like you. You really don't understand much of anything do you? Look, it's late and we need to get to bed. Now get in bed. We have to have you back to your house at 11:00 A.M."
Josh got under the covers on his air mattress, then he looked over at Jacob.
"Jacob?" he called as Jacob got under the covers in his own bed, the one Josh whished he'd let him lay in beside him.
"Yeah?" Jacob called out annoyed.
"I love you, I really do," Josh said smiling.
"Just go to sleep," Jacob said turning his back to him.
"Aren't you going to say it back?" Josh said feeling hurt.
"You're too young to know what love is Josh," Jacob said. "Get to sleep now."
Oh, okay," Josh said softly as he felt tears threaten again, and a deep pain from within. He tried to ignore it. Jacob really did love him, he jus was worried about showing it, because of the people around both of them. He would come around, Josh knew that he would sometime. Hopefully soon.
0000
The loud tapping on the rim of the pot from the large serving spoon suddenly brought Josh out of his flashback. He hadn't expected to go back there, and he felt the deep sadness that always followed after the flashbacks ended. Josh wasn't in a huge degree of destress that he had been a few months ago when recalling everything. The counseling had really helped with that, and he sat there for a moment focusing on his breathing, as well as his surroundings. He then felt stable enough to stand, and he went into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along for that Tuesday evening. He also turned his thoughts to that up-coming Saturday afternoon when he'd be going over to Danny Evan's house to visit him! That thought definitely made him feel extremely happy, as well as made him feel even more comforted and safe!
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Danny
The rest of the week flew by, and it was now Saturday. Josh texted me a little after 9:00 A.M. letting me know that they would be on the road in about another hour. I texted back that I couldn't wait to see him, and he sent back a Smiling With Hugging Hands sign.
Putting down my phone, I went into the kitchen where Mom, Martha and Jason were getting breakfast set up. They would all be going out for most of the day to get shopping done.
Martha wanted to get some new art supplies for some projects coming up in her Art Class. The projects were one pertaining to Thanks Giving. The other three had to do with Christmas. Jason wanted to get a couple of Metal albums he had his eye on, and Mom was going to do some clothes shopping to get a few new outfits for work. Though no one had come out and said it, I wondered if they weren't actually giving me some time alone so Josh and I could be alone without any interruptions. If that was true, I was really glad they were giving us some space!
"Thanks for breakfast," I said as I finished the last of the eggs on my plate.
Mom had made sausage, eggs, toast and hash browns for that morning's breakfast, and it was definitely one of my favorites. I was glad that everyone else was enjoying it as well!
"You're welcome," Mom answered.
"I hope you guys have fun today," I went on as I placed my plate into the sink after running it under water for a moment.
"Thanks, I'm sure we will," Martha said. Everyone else agreed.
"Did Kelven have any plans on coming over today at any point?" I asked.
"He's got something going on out of town," Mom said. "He hadn't said what it was, but I'm sure he'll let us know here soon."
"Okay, thanks for letting me know," I answered.
Soon everyone was exiting the house after we all exchanged hugs. Closing then locking the door, I went into my room making sure that all my dirty clothes were in the hamper which fortunately they were. I then went into the restroom that was attached to my room, and checked everything in there. All was clean, so I sat down at my computer desk, and thought about Josh for a moment.
I knew in that moment that I wanted him as not just my best friend, but as my boyfriend. The physical attraction was definitely there, and had been since the first time we met. That was true, but as we continued spending time together, I could feel a deepening connection between the two of us that wasn't as much physical, but was turning out to be what I could only describe as spiritual.
When I was with Josh whether it be talking with him by text, phone call or in person I felt like our hearts were one! I felt like something missing for a long time perhaps for always was now found! I hadn't ever felt like that about a boy, not ever, and I had been experiencing crushes on boys since accepting that I was gay.
Returning to the present, I checked my phone for messages, then looked up a couple of songs on my music player. I found one that made me think of Josh. It was the song titled I Need You by the singer LeAnn Rimes. I sat there listening, and when she got to the course I thought even more of Josh. When she got to the lines singing about needing them like water, breath and like rain, I smiled. That described perfectly how I felt about Josh, and I hoped that he felt, or would come to feel the same way about me someday, hopefully soon!
After the song ended, I looked at the clock on my phone. I couldn't believe it! It as almost 12:00 P.M. Just then a text alert came across my phone's display! Opening the message, I read it. It was from Josh!
"Josh Gibson: "We're about two minutes away. I can't wait to see you here very soon!"
I tapped on reply.
Daniel Evans: "Hi Josh, I can't wait to see you either! I'm really looking forward to it! See you in a couple of minutes!"
Putting my phone down, I went into the living room to wait. After another moment, I heard a car pull up in the driveway! Excitement flooded through me, and I could feel the huge smile that felt like it was taking up my whole face! I went to the door and waited as Kate, Josh and Connor exited the car and walked up the walkway to my house!
I opened the door, and greeted them as they stepped up to the doorway.
"It's really good to see you guys!" I said as I stepped aside to let them in. "I hope you guys had a nice ride over here!"
"We did!" Josh answered.
Connor and Kate agreed.
"I'm really glad to hear it!" I answered.
"You have a really nice house from what I can see so far!" Josh said.
"Thanks!" I replied.
"You're welcome," he answered.
"If it's alright with you, I'll call a couple of times to check in at certain points," Kate said as she took hold of her hand bag. "As excited as Josh has been for today, I don't think he'll be wanting to come back home anytime soon though."
I smiled, then shook her hand.
"I've been looking forward to our visit today as well," I said. "Sounds good about you checking in from time to time though."
After saying goodbye to both Connor and Kate, I watched as they drove off. Josh stood beside me, then we went back into the house where I closed then locked the door. I then set to showing Josh around the house.
I showed him the kitchen, living room with its two couches, recliner and entertainment center in the back of the room along with the rest of the house. I showed him where our mom's room was, Martha's room then the regular restroom. It should go without saying though, that I only took him as far as the doorways of my mom and sister's rooms. I did the same for Jason's room, then after showing him the above-mentioned restroom, I lead him to my room.
"You have a really nice room!" he said as we entered. "I really like the posters you have across the room from me, and the two above your bed."
"Thanks," I answered. "I'm really glad you like them. The poster to the right across from you is a poster of the group Demons and Wizards. The one next to it is of the group Borknagar. The one nearest the wall above my bed is of the group Amon Amarth. The one to the left of it is of the group Manegarm. Yeah, obviously you can see how Metal rules the day around here in this room."
We laughed, then Josh looked around at the other stuff in my room. He took in the sight of the computer desk a few inches away from the foot of my bed, and he said how he thought I had a nice laptop regarding the one that stood open on the desk.
After he admired the rest of the room, he sat down on the edge of my bed after I offered him a seat anywhere he wanted. After offering him a drink, I got Cokes for both of us.
"What were you doing before I got here?" Josh asked once I was seated on the edge of the bed beside him.
"I was just listening to music, and checking my phone for texts," I answered. "What were you doing this morning before you came over here?"
"That sounds good about what you had been doing," he replied. "I was just watching some videos on YouTube before coming over. I was watching a couple of music reviews."
"Cool," I answered. "Anything good?"
"Just usual Rap Crap," Josh answered.
I laughed, then smiled at him.
"Nice name for it," I responded. "I'm guessing you're not a big fan of Rap?"
"No, not at all," he replied.
"Neither am I," I said.
"So in other words, when I come over here to visit," Josh went on. "I won't have to listen to anything by Lil Tecca, Kid Rock or Lil Baby. Right?"
"That's right," I responded. "Fuck those guys, especially Kid Rock. I never liked his music, and him supporting that Asshole Donold Trump only makes me hate his Bullshit even more."
Josh smiled, and put a hand on my shoulder.
"I think you and I will get along just fine!" he said.
"Me too," I answered.
After I got up to throw away our empty bottles, I looked out the window that was over the kitchen sink. I couldn't believe how much snow was out there. It had been coming down for the last hour off and on, but now it was coming down even harder! I smiled, then returned to where Josh sat watching me.
"The snow is really coming down hard," I said sitting back down. "What's your favorite kind of weather?"
"I really love the cold weather," Josh answered scooting closer to me than he had been a moment ago. "Do you like cold or hot weather the best?"
"Cold the best, definitely," I said. "The snow is really lovely to look at, as well as to go out and play in from time to time."
"Yeah, I love that too," he responded.
"Did you want to listen to some music?" I asked turning to face him. "Don't worry, I won't put on any Death Metal or anything totally hardcore like that."
Josh smiled, then put his arm across my back pleasantly surprising me.
"You can put on whatever you want," he said. "I'm open to anything."
"Cool," I replied.
I put on a random playlist, and I was surprised that I Need You by LeAnn Rimes was the first one to start up again. Sitting back down, I scooted closer to Josh, more than we had been just a moment ago, and he closed the distance, then further surprised me by taking my hand. He didn't hold it lightly like one would when first holding someone's hand, but he took hold and held on firmly as if not wanting to be apart any longer! I held on just as firmly, and we just sat there in silence as the song played.
While the song played on, Josh and I would look at each other from time to time. As the song came to a close, we were now gazing deeply into one another's eyes so intently that I almost wanted to look away! I wasn't afraid, but that was the first time I had ever held that strong of eye contact with anyone ever in my life. That it was with the boy I knew I was falling for, made it all the more intense. Part of me was intimidated by gazing into each other's eyes as intensely as we were doing, because I could see what was in Josh's eyes. Not only that though, but I could see it so clearly. I wasn't used to seeing something like that.
His eyes were full of a deep and intense love for me, as well as an even deeper hope that I suspected was the hope that I would be the friend he needed me to be. I also saw deep pain, as if something he had been through had deeply wounded him. Still though, I held eye contact until the song ended, then Josh was the first to drop his eyes. I then took my eyes off of him, then we scooted away from each other about an inch, but we continued holding hands. Josh did let my hand go after a moment, and I felt shock as his fingers traced the scar from near my pinky finger to below my wrist.
Of course he was sitting on my right, and had been this whole time. So he definitely had a good view of my scar. I involuntarily sucked in breath through my teeth that had clenched, then without knowing I was going to do it I jerked my hand away.
"I'm sorry Danny Evans!" Josh said clearly getting worried and leaning forward. "I really am sorry, I didn't mean to scare or hurt you! Did I hurt you! I really didn't mean to!"
Doing my best to recover, I put my arm around him, and gently pulled him closer. He accepted my physical contact, then I touched his cheek with my left hand looking deep into his eyes.
"It's alright Josh," I said softly as I moved my hand to lightly stroke his hair. "You didn't hurt me, and I know you weren't trying to scare me. It just shocked me for a moment. I've never had anyone aside from my doctor or my mom feel my scar, especially when it was still getting better from when the wound had been there originally."
"What caused it?" he asked looking intently at me.
I had to think for a moment. What the hell did I say to him? I didn't think I could just casually tell him that one night in a fit of self-loathing and rage as my mom was trying to comfort me that I decided to get into a one-handed fist fight with the window in the center of our front door could I? I gathered my thoughts then spoke.
"I was going through a lot over the last couple of years, and it was a lot of really painful and hard stuff I had going on," I began. "I told you about Brad, the guy I have long since considered as being the one who donated the sperm that helped bring Martha and I into the world."
"I remember you saying that when we had dinner earlier this week," Josh answered.
"When Brad left, it really hurt everyone," I went on. "Martha blamed herself, and thought for a time that if she hadn't been disabled then Brad would have stayed. Our mom struggled to be there for both of us, and I dealt with it by doing everything I could to be really responsible. By that, I mean that I worked extra hard to get all good grades in school. I also stayed up almost until 1:00 A.M. or later studying and completing other homework assignments. I also took care of things around the house like cleaning, cooking and helping Martha with homework and other things. Mom was working late a lot of the time, and even with our friend Kelven helping out, I didn't leave him a lot of things with which he could help out.
I basically became both Super Brother, Super Son and Super Student all in one. Now I know that I was doing it, and believing that this was the way to deal with the anger, rage and hurt about Brad leaving. eventually I began experiencing a few moments of anxiety around 13, just a few months before turning 14. Soon though I was having full-on Panick Attacks. I did the best I could to hide them until Kelven came by when I was in the middle of one. He let himself in when no one answered the door, and found me as I was falling to the floor.
I worked to try to convince him that I would be alright, but soon everyone else noticed when I would have them shortly after. Obviously Kelven had let Mom know. Long story short, I told everyone that I'd be alright, and that I was just stressed out about school which was true. I wasn't aware at the time of how there had been more to it than that. So finally after a few more months of sleeping badly and getting further to the end of my rope, my mom was trying to tell me that I didn't have to worry so much about everything. This was after I accidently spilled a drink I had just set down on the table.
By this time, I was about three months away from turning 15. She tried again to tell me that everything would be alright, and it all came out, at least most of it anyway. Not how I wanted it to though. Before I could realize what happened, I was standing at our front door with part of my wrist, a couple of inches of my arm and part of my hand ripped wide open. I didn't even feel the pain, and it wouldn't set in until a few minutes later when my mom was rushing me out the door and to the ER to get stitches.
So that's how it happened. I'd love to say that the scar was because of some wrong-headed devotion to some crazy out-there Metal group, but it wasn't."
Josh sat there after I stopped talking, and he looked worried, and especially sad. He put his hand on my shoulder then scooted so that he was pressed against me.
"I'm really sorry you went through all of that, especially hurting yourself with the window like that," he said as he put both arms around me.
I hugged back, and we just held each other for a long moment.
"Thanks," I answered. "That means a lot. It was all really hard to go through, and I felt so alone at the time. My mom was doing the best she could, and with me acting as super-responsible as I had been, obviously she didn't press further. As far as she was concerned, there was no reason to given how I basically had put up walls. I didn't know that's what I had done, but it was."
"I really do hope you're okay now though Danny Evans," Josh said resting his cheek against mine and continuing to hold on to me.
"I really am," I said softly as I rubbed his back up and down slowly and gently. "I would let you or someone else know if I wasn't doing well. I promise you that."
"Good, I'm glad to hear you say that," he said as we separated, then looked deeply into each other's eyes for a long moment. "I'm here for you Danny Evans, I really am. I'll always be here for you."
"That means a lot Josh, and the same goes for you too," I responded. "I'll always be here for you, and I'm here for you now as well."
After sharing another hug, we let go of each other, then I looked out the window. Snow covered everything, and I smiled.
"There's a lot of snow out there now," I said. "If you want, we can go out and enjoy it for a while."
"Yeah! Let's do it!" Josh said smiling hugely as we quickly got on our socks and shoes along with our coats and gloves!
Author's Notes
So you have more in regards to Josh's back story as well as with Danny's. You'll get to read more about the rest of what happened to Danny in the coming chapters, and the events detailed here were just part of what he went through. I hope you guys can handle what happens next.
As for Josh and Danny's time together that Saturday, it'll continue on in the next chapter, and they'll enjoy several tender moments as well as some fun ones as they play out in the snow for a while. I hope everyone enjoys reading about all of that.
All that being said, I hope everyone is having a good evening, and are doing well. I look forward to seeing you guys in Chapter Seven.