Blue Sky

BLUE SKY by reid

-18-

I'd been to LAX quite a few times in my life, but never actually going anywhere.

My family wasn't big on traveling so we rarely got the experience of actually boarding a plane and taking a trip for pleasure. Plane flights always signified the leaving behind of friends and the dreary need to make a new life in a new town.

After I'd gotten out on my own, I'd flown three times: twice to Las Vegas, and once to Phoenix. None of the three flights were of any real length and I knew that was why the eleven hour marathon to Tokyo was going to be difficult.

As I sat there looking at the itinerary, I wondered once again, what I'd managed to get myself embroiled in. Even though the crisp pages weren't threatening in and of themselves, the numbers they contained made my stomach burn. First class was nice and all, but for eleven hours, I imagined that even the poshest of conditions would wear a bit thin.

After our eleven hour flight to Tokyo, we had a three hour layover in Narita before we had to catch another flight to Nagoya. I got a sort of grim amusement from seeing the flight time to Nagoya listed as only twenty-six minutes. By the time I was on that plane, the final of the journey, I'd probably have regressed to five years old.

At least Teddy could take care of me then. I had that going for me.

I leaned back in the pounded black leather of the airport seats, rubbing my face. The airport was pretty quiet at five in the goddamn morning. Not like I was surprised. All the sane people in the world were home in their beds sleeping. They weren't getting ready to fly across the globe and acclimate themselves to a harsh foreign culture.

Teddy sat down next to me, falling heavily into the seat at my side. He'd just gotten finished checking us in for our flight, leaving nearly an hour and a half of time to kill before we'd actually be leaving on this odyssey. We sat there for a few seconds, both of us quiet in the early morning miasma of stress and lack of movement.

"So now what do we do?" I asked.

He shrugged and yawned, "Worry about crashing into the ocean?"

I didn't find it funny. I was never all that good at flying. Teddy noticed my lack of amusement and smiled gamely. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck, nuzzling me playfully. A warm shiver ran up my spine as I rubbed my eyes and sighed. Patting him on the back, I shifted and pushed my my back against the chair. My shoulder blades were beginning to ache just a bit.

A warmth closed around my hand. I looked down to see Teddy wrapping his fingers around my palm, his skin warm and soft. I did the same, enjoying the sensation of closeness than merely holding hands with him gave me. Across the aisle, an older woman didn't look too impressed by our public display of affection - but I didn't care. She probably hadn't gotten laid in a long time so her distaste was pretty understandable.

A yawn escaped from my mouth, the need for caffeine coursing through my blood once again. Teddy recognized my withdrawal symptoms and handed me some of the money he hadn't exchanged yet. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, grateful that he knew me that well.

With a heavy breath rumbling out of my lungs, I stood up and trudged across the terminal, my feet feeling like they'd been dipped in concrete. That sensation was quickly cured when I was nearly run over by a "courtesy transport vehicle."

More of a golf cart - but that wasn't important.

As I stood at the Starbucks counter, waiting for some sort of service, I rubbed my eyes again. The airport had the air conditioning on extra high in the early morning, making me glad I'd worn my extra-thick sweatshirt. Just as I heard some signs of life from the back of the vendor, I became aware that someone was behind me.

"You never did learn to comb your hair in the morning, did you?"

I recognized the voice immediately. It was my father.

Quelling the rage in the pit of my stomach, I turned around to face him. He was dressed nicely, just like always, with his hair buzzed short and his shoes perfectly shined. His constant perfection was one of those things that always drove me crazy. It was always different than me. His perfection stood in stark contrast to my baggy sweatshirt, pajama bottoms, old running shoes, and my mussed-up hair. For a second, I tried to plaster on a "fake smile" but gave up quickly.

I said the first non-hostile thing I could think of.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to get it cut."

He looked at the ground for a second, "Your mom said you have enough money. I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any last minute expenses."

My father was so cheap, he once made me walk to school because he didn't want to give me a couple bucks to take the city bus. He believed in saving all his money for the day that I was out of the house and on my own, then he could spend it on himself. After I became self-reliant and didn't actually need his money, that was when he could feel justified in spending it.

"No, we're good."

"Good," He nodded, "Remember to find a bank once you get there."

I stood there silently. Finally, his casual tone became too much to stand.

"Okay, what?"

He rubbed his chin, "Look, Shawn, I know that things haven't been all that great between us for the past while."

"You could say that."

"I want it to stop."

How about that? He wanted it to stop. Maybe he was serious after all. Just as soon as I allowed myself to think such a thing, my cynical nerve flared up. If he really wanted to get in touch with me, he could have. He didn't have to wait and sandbag me a few hours before I left the country. But that was my old man.

"Well - Give me a call when I get back and we can try?"

He nodded again. I knew that it was the only solution. I knew that he knew it was the only solution. Maybe he wanted some idea that would have given him instant gratification. He probably wanted me to say that I wouldn't leave the country and that I'd stay and reassure him as a father. He knew that, by coming here so close to my departure, he could try and put the screws to me. He wanted things to be fast and immediate.

But that wasn't the plan. If he wanted to make it work, really wanted to make it work, he could wait six months. He could sit back and think about his side of the deal. I was willing to make concessions - but they wouldn't include leaving Teddy or pretending to be straight. Both things that he had made pretty clear were the major stumbling blocks in our relationship. He'd have to make his peace with me, I decided.

"Take care of yourself." He said, his voice sounding oddly soft.

"I'll be okay."

Just as soon as the softness had appeared, it went away. He steeled himself back up and became the military man once again. He nodded curtly and gave me his weird half-smile. Without saying another word, he turned and walked away. I only looked after him for a moment before I turned back to the counter and a bleary-eyed cashier walked out.

After I'd purchased a coffee and made sure to get correct change, I slowly walked back to the gate. Teddy was busy reading a Japanese sports magazine as I sat down, not noticing that I'd gotten back. Silently, I sat in the seat and looked out at the pink sky. The coffee was bitter and hot in my mouth, but I didn't really notice.

Once again, my father had managed to screw with my mind.

Maybe that was his goal all along. It wouldn't be unlike him.

Teddy looked up, "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"Shawn, what happened?"

"I talked to my dad."

He looked surprised, "Where? On the phone?"

"No," I shook my head, "He was there and we talked and then he left."

When I didn't say anything else, Teddy seemed surprised.

"What did you talk about?"

I shrugged, "We just - we talked. He's gonna call me when I get back."

"Did he say what he wanted?"

"Yeah. He said he wants things to be better between us."

"Really?"

I laughed bitterly, "No, those weren't his exact words. He 'wants things to stop.' God forbid he actually admit that he might have contributed to our shitty situation."

"Maybe he really does?" Teddy asked gently.

"I don't care. I really don't. I'm not going to worry about it until we get back," I spat, my stomach in a knot, "It's his time to think about it. I'm not going to let it screw with me one more day."

Teddy rubbed my shoulder, "Good."

"So it's over," I said, trying to forget what happened, "It's over and I'm done with it."

"That's the best thing to do." Teddy said, kissing me on the cheek.

The warmth of his lips sent a shiver through me. I smiled, relaxing more by the second, and kissed him back on the corner of his mouth. His skin was always so warm and soft. If we hadn't been in a public place, I would have pulled his pants off. I took a deep breath and shifted in the chair, trying to will down the rising situation in my pants.

I looked across the aisle and saw the same older woman was still staring at us. With a very disgusted look on her old, dried-out apricot face. She shook her head, sneered, and turned back to her Christian Science Monitor. At that moment, I just felt sorry for her. I didn't feel anger or malice - just pity.

At that point, I realized that was how I felt about my father.

All the anger was disappearing and only one thing was left: pity.

Pity was a lot less taxing than anger, I was beginning to realize.

-19-

Once we were cruising at some thousand-odd feet, my body finally was able to let go of it's nervousness. That which came from reading about how most plane crashes took place close to takeoff or landing. So, in my mind, half of the battle had been won and it allowed me to relax just a bit. Even though I'd craved a good Gin and Tonic, Teddy's hand in mine was really very soothing - in a fruity, girly way.

After the worrying had stopped, I discovered how nice the plane was. First class, at least. The seats were real leather, the foot room was ample, the air was much cleaner smelling - and the food. Oh, the food was good. Not only were we provided with snack baskets, we also had drinks on command with two gourmet meals on the way.

"When are you going to sleep?" I asked Teddy, knowing that he had to go to work only a couple hours after we arrived in Nagoya.

"In a minute," He looked at me, his expression guilty, "Are you gonna be okay? I mean, I don't want to abandon you."

I smiled, "You need to sleep. They need you at your best. I'll be fine."

Teddy chewed his lower lip adorably, "You sure?"

"Yes," I nodded, spreading the thick first class blanket over him, "I'll sleep while you're at work. It'll be fine."

Teddy smiled and leaned in, kissing me gently.

"If you get freaked out or anything, wake me up."

"I'll be okay."

I watched as Teddy reclined the seat and burrowed down under the blanket. He always looked like a little mole whenever he got into bed. He always nestled himself down under the blankets and dug a little trench for himself. I watched him squirm a minute and I knew that he was uncomfortable without me to snuggle up to me. And without my neck to catch his hot, wet breath as he slept.

Left in the land of the living, I settled back into the reclined seat and took a deep breath. Teddy had taken the seat next to the window, my lack of enthusiasm about flying driving me to the aisle. I stretched my legs out and looked at the ceiling of the plane, wondering how in the hell I was going to kill eleven hours of air travel.

The stewardess walked down the aisle, her pace slow and thoughtful. I smiled with a bitter tone, thinking of how rude and caustic the flight attendants had been on all my previous air flights. When you were sitting in first class, they couldn't be nice enough to you. If you paid enough money for your ticket, you deserved this nice treatment.

At that moment, I realized how so many people could get drunk with power.

It was easy to suddenly think of yourself as on a "higher level."

But one look at Teddy and I grounded myself again.

I couldn't keep from smiling genuinely. He was already asleep. From the way he fidgeted and pulled the blanket tight, I knew he was lonely. Then I told myself that we'd have plenty of time for that when we landed. When we landed in Japan. Our new home for the next six months.

An excited pang struck my stomach and I shifted in my seat. I had to resist the desire to order a good, hard alcoholic drink to deal with the nervousness. Part of me, actually, didn't want to kill the excitement with liquor. Part of my was - sick as it may sound - enjoying the feelings of excitement.

I looked at my watch, remembering the calculations I'd done so many times.

Eleven hours until we landed.

I passed the next few hours in a stupor of boredom.

The lovely little LCD movie screens weren't much help. I didn't feel like watching "Cheaper by the Dozen" or "Big Fish" or any of the other crappy movies the airline felt like providing. Maybe if they were playing "Alive" or "Airport '75", I would have been interested.

I tried the music stations. All of them. Several times over.

Entertainment wasn't exactly abundant.

After my eighth lap around the first class section, my legs were starting to get quite unbearably sore. The legroom, while a nice touch, didn't really make up for the fact that there was only so much movement you could make in such a small area. As I felt the pins and needles in my knees for what felt like the millionth time, I cursed whoever had invented airline travel.

Sitting back in my seat with a fatigued sigh, I looked at Teddy. He was still curled up under the blanket. He'd stopped squirming after the fifth time he'd tried to straddle the video screen bank between the two seats. I guess his body had given up trying to find the warmth of human contact.

I knew it would be time to wake him up soon.

The stewardess had told me that he needed to be awake at least thirty minutes before we landed. He had to be able to put his seat in the upright position and make sure his video monitor was safely and properly stowed away. I smiled and stroked the top of his head - the only part sticking out from under the blanket - petting his hair.

My watch beeped and I quickly hit the button. Gently, I reached over and pulled the blanket down, poking Teddy in the side. I persisted and when he didn't wake up, I added another finger. After digging my fingers gently into his side a few more times, Teddy squirmed and groaned in his sleep. He straightened his legs and sat up a bit, his eyes bleary and his hair sticking up in unruly spikes.

Teddy looked sexy to me even then, too.

He yawned, "How long until we land?"

I looked at my watch, "About an hour and a half."

He scratched his scalp and cracked his neck joints, sending a jolt right to the nerves in my teeth. I actually sympathized because I knew how badly he needed to fully stretch when he woke up after a long nap. But then again, I'd just gone the better part of ten hours without being able to stretch. So I wasn't that sympathetic.

An hour and a half. Then we'd actually - be there.

Narita Airport in Tokyo could have been a stone bench in the middle of a snowbank and I still would have been thrilled to get there. It was like a beautiful oasis in the middle of a scorching desert. Nothing really compared, in that moment, to getting off the plane and collapsing into one of the benches at the next gate. The seats weren't much better than those at LAX - but they were closer to the ultimate destination.

Teddy tossed down the carry-on bag next to me. He'd decided to lug it along because he, unlike others, had gotten a fairly satisfying rest on the flight over. I leaned backwards and rubbed my eyes as he sat down next to me. I yawned, feeling my mind dip momentarily into sleep before I yanked it back out.

"You want some coffee?" He asked, sorting our tickets.

I shook my head and slid from the chair onto the floor. After I spread out my coat and laid down on the tightly woven rug, I actually felt somewhat easy on my jet lagged spine. Amazingly enough, our mattress at home was almost as firm as the floor. The aching muscles in my back relaxed a bit as I laid there, luxuriating in the sensation of comfort.

Teddy laid down next to me as I fought to keep from falling asleep. I wanted to go out like a light but I knew that if I did, I'd never fall asleep once we got to Nagoya. Besides, I'd just have to wake up in three hours, which would screw with my internal clock even more. I yawned and made my peace with no sleep for at least a few more hours.

"You want me to pinch you if you fall asleep?"

I chuckled, "No, just drive your bony little elbow into my ribs."

Teddy snuggled up to me, draping his arm around my waist. I worried a little that we'd face some sort of harsh public backlash, but logic (or fatigue) took over. Why would a bunch of tired travelers worry about two guys on the floor in an airport? The intra-country terminal of the airport was deserted, the only sound I could hear was the vague rumble of foot traffic a few floors down.

The quiet of the terminal allowed me to drift in and out of sleep, dozing off at times but never fully falling asleep. Once my spine had made his peace with the floor, I was able to get some rest without throwing myself off. Teddy's warm body against me, the only sound being the soft shuffling of his work papers, was a great calming agent.

At some vague point, our gate had begun to fill with people, almost all of them business men. As we stood up and went to check in, I thought about how out of place I must have looked. I was the only white person in the area. I smiled as I thought about how little time it had taken before I became the weird-looking one in my relationship with Teddy.

I liked the feeling. I felt unique.

Teddy spoke briefly to the attendant working at the gate, conversing with the man in fluid, natural Japanese. My head spun as I didn't even try to translate. Teddy simply spoke to him and got the information we needed. In his own square way, Teddy had managed to look like a bad ass. Or as much as he could have given the situation.

After another few minutes on the floor, we got back up and boarded the plane to Nagoya. It was much smaller than the plane we'd flown there on, more of a commuter model. We found our seats and sat down, my antsiness only balmed by the knowledge that it was almost done. Even with the smaller seats, I was still in good spirits.

During the flight itself, I managed to sleep just a bit. Not enough, of course. My internal clock said it was about 7:00pm Saturday, but in Japan, it was 2:00pm Friday. Added on top of all the jet lag, the early wake-up time, and the airplane contortion, my body was about ready to wave the white flag.

I never thought I'd see the day when 7:00pm felt like 3:00am.

-20-

Nagoya was a nice place.

From what I saw on the taxi ride from Nagoya Airport to the apartment, it looked very well-kept. Not knowing what any of the street signs or store signs or anything else with lettering said was disconcerting, however. I just gave up and went back into half-sleep as the taxi navigated the narrow streets.

We pulled up out front of the apartment building, the afternoon sun high and warm in the sky. As I climbed out of the car, I took a moment to savor the experience. The moment. The actual feeling of being in a foreign land in which I'd have to sink or swim for the next six months. I liked that feeling, too. It felt like a challenge.

With my last reserve of energy, I lugged several suitcases up the compact stairwell. I had to slump down to keep from hitting my head, something I'd acknowledged but not really planned on. That was something I'd have to get used to. Not the only thing by any stretch of the imagination - but at that point, it certainly seemed like the biggest thing.

Sweat rolled down my face and stung my eyes. I wheezed as Teddy pulled the key from the envelope and unlocked the door. I followed him inside and dropped the luggage on the floor with a thud. For the first time, I looked around at our new home. To my weary eyes, it looked just perfect. All that mattered to me at that point was the bed.

The small living room was furnished with nice, white leather furniture. A decent entertainment center. Several shelves full of DVDs. I looked to the left and saw the kitchen in all it's compact glory. There was a modern refrigerator and everything else that any modern human could desire. All in all, the place looked just fine.

I fell onto the couch in a heap, my shoulders tense from everything I'd done. I leaned back and closed my eyes, listening as Teddy dialed the phone and called into his work. I didn't even try to listen to his Japanese skills, instead looking out the window at the leafy green trees that surrounded the window.

They were camphor trees. I thought back to my high school job at an arboretum - remembering the green trees and how quickly they grew. They were quite nice. They weren't at all like all the crappy, smog-fed palm trees that dripped their nasty oil all over my car back in LA. They made a nice noise when the breeze caught them, making me think of pictures I'd seen of trees in the Northwestern U.S.

I looked out between the green branches. On the series of balconies across the way, a black and white cat strolled along the ledge.

That cat speaks Japanese, I thought to myself.

Teddy hung up the phone and opened his suitcase.

"I have to go to the school and meet with my boss. It should only take me a few hours and then I'll be home," He pulled out a few essential clothes, "Are you hungry at all?"

I just shook my head.

He came over and stroked my hair gently.

"Have I mentioned how awesome you are for doing this?"

"Not nearly enough." I yawned.

Teddy turned and went into the bathroom, clicking on the light. In the empty room, the light switch sounded like a gunshot. He closed the door and I listened for a moment longer, hearing the shower begin to run. With another hefty yawn, I stood up and dragged my suitcase down the hall towards the bedroom.

As soon as I opened the door, my eyes found the bed. It was covered in a fluffy white comforter, which looked like an angel to me. I let the suitcase fall from my hands and I sat down on the bed, feeling the mattress bend under my weight. I yanked out a pair of pajama pants and tossed them on the bed, then standing up and stripping off my travel clothes. I wanted nothing more than to toss them in a corner and never have to look at them again.

Once I was changed, I felt a little bit better.

Not having to fester in the sweaty, smoke-scented clothes I'd just spent so much time in had a way of perking me up. Not wanting to get too out of sync with the local timetable, I walked back into the living room. Rubbing my eyes, I inspected the DVD collection, finding a few rather hard-to-find titles. Same thing with the CDs. The entertainment community in Japan must not be as bad as I'd been told.

The bathroom door opened and Teddy walked out in a cloud of steam. He'd changed into a clean pair of clothes and his scent had once again returned to normal. He walked over to me and hugged me from behind, kissing my bare shoulder.

"I have to go. I'll be back soon."

I nodded, another yawn escaping me.

"The number is by the phone. Call if you need anything, okay?"

I nodded again.

"I'm serious. Anything."

I turned and kissed him softly, "I know. I'm a big boy. I can handle it."

He smiled, "I know."

The doorbell rang. Teddy hugged me one last time and walked to the door, picking up his athletic bag and slinging it over his shoulder. Before he opened the door, he turned back and looked me. Then he looked at the floor for a moment. Then back at me.

"You know I love you, Shawn." He said, his voice tender.

I smiled, "I know. I love you too."

Teddy smiled and opened the door, speaking briefly to the man outside. He closed the door behind him and I was left alone in the apartment. I stood there for a second, trying to get my mind to wrap around reality. I wanted to pinch myself. I was actually in Japan. I was living on foreign soil. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined it.

I spent a while trying to negotiate Japanese TV, finding relief in ESPN and CNN Worldwide, the English language providing a welcome blanket of comfort. I even watched Larry King just to stave off the desire to sleep for a long time. I also watched Sumo Wrestling for the first time as well as a rousing Japanese children's show, complete with naked phone sex commercials in the middle of it all.

After my eyes nearly shut for the hundredth time, I turned the TV off and looked at the clock. It read 4:00pm. That was close enough for me. I stood up from the couch and stumbled towards the bedroom, taking an unhealthy pleasure in the sound of the covers being pulled back. Slowly I laid down in the bed, pulling the crisp sheets over me and letting my head sink into the pillow.

I yawned again, a smile on my face as I still couldn't quite accept it.

I was living in Japan.

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART THREE ... HALLOWEEN 2004

Comments: fear1980@yahoo.com

Links to my other stories: http://www.livejournal.com/users/fear1980/