I'm not going to say anything, besides I hope you like the chapter.
If you're younger than 18 or find these kinds of stories offensive, please close up now and have a great day! If you are of legal age and are interested, by all means keep going. I'll be glad to have you along for the journey. Please donate to Nifty. This is a great resource for great stories and a useful outlet to authors like me and readers like you.
49
To Rest, At Last
Hearing those same words from Fidum, powerful and compassionate, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I leaned on the back of the couch; my hands gripped the seatback for support. "How do you know about that?"
"Our seer, Ammonitum, he had a vision soon after we were exiled here. `A powerful and compassionate man from another world will save us from this prison. His power will offer the world a shimmering white light of hope for the future.'" Fidum recited like he was reading from a script. "Ammonitum suspected it had something to do with a Vitalis power known as white magic."
"Well fuck me." I said to the top of the couch. "It is me they've been waiting for."
"But...you're a telekinetic." Fidum objected.
I floated a nut from my pocket into the air and vaporized it with a white magic stinger.
"TWO POWERS!" Fidum shouted in surprise. He ran to Pravus, climbed into his lap, and planted kisses all over the insensible man's face. "Darling, we can rest now." He announced, then buried his head into the burly chest and wept.
I stared at the scene that was unfolding between Fidum and his king and grew uncomfortable. I didn't like being present for their private moment. I touched a few shoulders to get the attention of the rest of the team and jerked my head toward the stairs. They got up and followed me out.
We stood on the flat summit of the mountain and could see nothing around us but swirling yellow. Shawn threaded his left arm through my right and laced his fingers into mine. "You alright?" He asked.
I shook my head. The touching scene I'd just witnessed, and the matching prophesy I'd heard, had shaken me to my core. "No, not really...not at all. It's bizarre. They've been waiting for me...for hundreds and hundreds of years. How? What can I do? How can I fix this? How have they been waiting for me? Me of all people. Why? It makes no sense. And those visions...Fidum's seer and your uncle's...same fucking prophesy. A prophesy of me. The fat fucking welder from Philly."
Shawn shook his head with similar confusion. "Maybe it's fate." He reasoned.
"Fate?"
"Yes, fate."
"Are you kidding?" I asked and looked square in Shawn's face to see if he was using sarcasm for the first time in his life. His expression told me that he wasn't.
"What else could it be? It's too coincidental to be coincidence."
I stared at Shawn. "You just sounded like your uncle."
Shawn thought for a second, reviewing his words in his mind, then grinned self-consciously at me. "I guess I did." He shook his head like he wanted to clear the distraction of his sounding like Ars from our conversation. "But, that's not the point. What matters is...what matters is...it doesn't matter."
"What doesn't?"
Shawn released my arm and stepped back so he could command my whole attention. "It doesn't matter why you're here. It only matters that you are here. Think about it. Whether it's fate or divine intervention or coincidence, you're here at the exact right time with the exact right power to help these poor people and to help yourself and me at the same time."
"Help you?" I asked.
"Yes," he insisted and stepped into me, "you brought me a new boyfriend to love."
His sweet words melted away a fraction of my worry and I leaned in to kiss him on the lips. "Thanks."
Shawn licked his lips. "Thank you."
I took the slight stoop out of my posture and looked around again. I saw the barrier like the insurmountable problem it seemed to be. "I just wish I had an idea. I mean...how do I fix this when they couldn't?" I waved my free arm at the yellow all around us. "And that poor sad man in there. I know how he felt, but I can't imagine feeling that way for so long. The way he's stayed here alone, taking care of that living corpse, working every day to carve all this while he waited for someone to come kill him. The selflessness of it." I trailed off, at a loss of what else to say.
Shawn took my hand and gripped it to get my attention back on him. "Kind of like a man giving up his own world to help save another?" He asked a leading question.
I snorted at the comparison. "I'm flattered, but I got nothing on that guy. I told you and your uncle that I got involved because I didn't have anything to lose."
Shawn tapped his forehead. "Don't lie to me Church Philips. I know why you agreed to help. I looked at your memories from the time we met to when we created the link. You fell in love with me the moment Cy shoved me at you out in front of that bar. I know because of your thoughts when you looked at me...they weren't carnal. You wished you would have met someone like me before you were too old and fat and damaged to do anything about it. You wished there was a chance that I could return your feelings. You couldn't walk away then, and you couldn't walk away when my uncle asked for your help. You're not saving the world, you're saving me. I know it as plainly as I know that if I was the man in that chair downstairs, you would be the one crying and missing me."
I blew a breath out in a long, toneless whistle. Shawn was right with what he'd said. I still didn't think I deserved to be compared to Fidum, but I had to admit that Shawn was right. "I...uh...I didn't think I was that transparent."
"It was that moment, when you shouted at Cy and the others and pointed that gun at them...I saw it after we shared memories, that's why I fell in love with you. When I saw how sad you were, how miserable and lonely...you didn't think anyone could ever love you, but you stepped in to help me anyway."
"So, you're grateful." I cut Shawn off mid-speech and felt a wave of misery at the idea that Shawn's love for me wasn't love at all, but gratitude.
"NO!" He insisted. "I WAS grateful, but that was only the start. When we spent time together, and I learned who you are, underneath all the sadness. It's the real you that I love, not what you did for me. I love the man that did those things, not the actions themselves. I love you, Church."
I felt incredible, joyous and happy and thrilled. I raised Shawn's hand, the one I was holding, to my lips and kissed the back of it. "I'm sorry...for doubting you."
"You can do better than that." Shawn teased me.
I took the hint, grabbed Shawn, and lifted him up against my body. His legs wrapped around my middle and clamped on, fastening himself to me. He looked into my eyes for a second before, as if cued by the same impulse, we opened to each other for some violent kissing. I licked and sucked at his mouth like I wanted to devour him. Shawn did the same to me. We didn't stop or falter when Bem whistled and threw catcalls at us. He's jealous,' I thought, he should be jealous.'
Shawn and I kissed until an oppressive quiet told me that we likely had a larger audience for our display of affection. We disengaged and I set Shawn on his feet. We turned to find the whole team staring at us...the whole team and a very red-faced Fidum. "AHEM...uh...AHEM," he sputtered, "you two...are...uhm...AHEM."
I was as embarrassed as Fidum was and rushed to diffuse the moment. "Yeah, we are." I said and rubbed the back of my neck. I would have reached for my watch, but that would have meant letting go of Shawn's hand and I wasn't ready to do that.
"That's um...nice, for you."
"Yes, it is." Shawn added.
"Um, so...can we...uhm..."
"We probably should." I said and hoped that I'd interpreted Fidum's stumblings correctly. I waved the team over. They gathered around and I led off. "Do you know what I have to do?" I asked Fidum.
"I have a theory, but that's all it is. You can't destroy the barrier, not directly. You have to destroy his majesty, just like you did with that nut earlier. Without his life force to anchor the magic, the barrier will fade. It will fight you, though. It will flood power into him to try to heal his body while you try to destroy it. You have to eliminate every trace of him. If an atom remains, the barrier will rebuild him from it. Do you have the power to do that?"
A wave of anxiety crashed over me. I dropped Shawn's hand, pulled my watch off, and twisted it. Do I have the power to vaporize a human being?' I thought. Sure...I mean, I fucked up that quarry pretty bad. That was bigger than a man. Can I vaporize a person?' I glanced around for Shawn. I wanted to hold his hand again. He'd stepped away from me and was whispering to Neb.
Wonder what that's about.' I thought before my brain spun out of control again. Can I kill a person? I don't just have to kill him...I have to destroy him...while his lover watches me. Holy shit!' My mind was racing like an engine with the governor wired open. Shawn appeared next to me. He took my hand. His touch was like a magic sedative. My mind slowed; peace replaced panic, and my mind cleared. `I can do this.' I thought.
"Yes, Fidum." I answered. "If that's what needs to happen, I have the power."
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, amen." Fidum chanted, head bowed in reverence for the words. "Please, come inside. I have things to give you, things that will tell our story. My king, my love was...is a great man. Our exile was a travesty."
The team followed Fidum to the spiral staircase and down. I held Shawn's hand to keep him from following the group and waited until we were alone on the mountain summit. My new mental calm had enabled me to think clearly, and I had a fresh worry that I needed to deal with. I tried to ask Shawn a question but my words turned into a statement. "Fidum asked me to kill King Pravus." I let the statement hang in the air because I didn't know what else to say. I wanted to ask Shawn if he could be OK with that. I wanted to ask him if he'd still love me if I took a life, but the words wouldn't come.
Shawn's eyes searched my face, then they lost focus as I suspected he retreated into his thoughts. "You're worried about how I'll react." He prompted like he'd read my mind.
I nodded because my words still wouldn't come.
Shawn's hand, the one that I wasn't holding, tightened into a fist in front of him. I suspected that if the hand I was holding was free, he'd have wrapped it over the fist to squeeze his tension into it. He took a breath and blew it out, across my face. I don't think he realized he did it. He took another breath and his eyes focused on me. He blew the second breath out to the side, like it was a lungful of cigarette smoke.
"I believe that all life is sacred." Shawn said to premise what I thought was about to become a short speech. "But I also believe that our lives are our own, to do with as we please. Their lives, Fidum's life and King Pravis' life, are a burden to them. Even without the rest of the world and the magic and all that, these two men are suffering under the burden of their lives. They...not `they,'" Shawn shook his head once, "Fidum, who speaks for both him and Pravus, they asked you to relieve them of their burden. If you agree, because it's your decision and only you can make it, if you agree to...to end their lives, to relieve them of their burden, that won't make you a murderer, or even a killer, and it won't change the way I feel about you."
I was so relieved. Shawn had given me permission to do what I knew was necessary, to do what had to be done.
"Besides," Shawn interrupted my mental celebration, "even if you don't believe it's fate, or if you don't believe they've been waiting for you specifically, they have been waiting for someone who can release them. You can do that. So, in a way, they have been waiting for you. Just like...just like...in a way, you were waiting for me."
"What do you mean?"
Shawn stepped away again so he could command my whole attention without distracting me with his closeness. "Church, look at it this way. This whole...fight, mission, whatever you want to call it, it's about love."
"Love?" I asked.
"Pravus and Fidum, they love each other but they can't share their love because...because in a way, this barrier is between them. You and me, we love each other, we found each other because of this barrier, but we can't be together, not really, until we finish this mission. Eliminating the barrier, solving this problem, that will make love possible, both for Fidum and Pravus, and for us."
"No pressure." I said and rubbed my neck with the heel of my hand.
"I believe in you." Shawn stepped into me again.
I thought about that, and about everything we'd just talked about. I appreciated that Shawn had said it was my decision, but I didn't see how there was any decision to make. If what Fidum had said was true, then to save the world, Pravus had to die. That meant, to save Shawn, Pravus had to die. That meant there was no choice. I had to kill...to end Pravus' life to make the world safe for Shawn...and to make our love possible. I was glad that Shawn recognized the necessity and wouldn't judge me for doing what had to be done. I hugged him and kissed the side of his face. "Thank you."
Since there wasn't anything else to say, I held Shawn's hand and we went down the spiral steps to join the rest of the team. They'd been waiting for us in relative quiet, gathered around the stone banquet.
"These were my friends." Fidum explained as he stood on the far side of the table, next to the statue of himself. "This was an actual event, a banquet that celebrated the grand unification of the whole of Solum." He looked to the stone Pravus at the head of the table. Love radiated from Fidum. "He worked so hard, put everything else aside to make the world a better place. The only way he saw to do it was to stop the bickering of the individual nations. The land needed to be unified under one rule. All science and technology needed to be shared for the benefit of all mankind. This sculpture is of the night his dreams were realized. I was so proud, proud to serve the man who did so much."
Fidum's tone shifted, grew bitter. "It wasn't six weeks later the world he'd united to save, rejected him. His own son...you see, his majesty never wanted to be king, but he ascended to the throne as a young man and saw a world in turmoil. Solum was a desperate world of epidemics, poverty, pestilence, and crime; an ignorant land. Each of the four continents was subdivided into feudal domains loyal to a local petty lord and no one else. Each lord ran his land for his own benefit and not for that of his people. The peasants were mere chattel. His majesty had a vision of a bright future for all the land, a future of plenty, of medicine, of higher learning, of comfort and safety. He set out to make this vision a reality."
"He organized vast armies, seized the lands and property of the local lords and united it under his own rule. He abolished the feudal system and organized the peasants into self-governing villages and states. The people owned property for the first time, farmed and sold instead of farming to survive. Cities were founded, merchant and trade guilds, specialized professions, industry. Everywhere the King's army marched, progress followed. Minds were opened, practical knowledge flourished, academies were established to train the next generation. Men began to shape the land to their will instead of bending to the will of the land. It was a glorious time of progress. The future was whatever we decided to make it."
"That was in our country only, this continent you know as the Protectorate of the Common States. The neighboring countries became jealous of our progress. They sought to steal the fruits of our labors for their own. His Majesty built a navy, warships, troop transports, larger armies. We sailed the oceans, conquered the neighboring nations. Instead of subjugating them, we brought our progress to them. We transformed the lives of the people in these foreign lands, increased the standard of living to that of our own. We held nothing back. We were conquerors at first, but benevolent leaders thereafter. It was the only way."
"Unfortunately, greed and vice are as large a part of the human condition as altruism. His majesty suffered many attempts to remove him from power, to destroy all the good that he did for the sake of the world. Because of his cunning, and the fierce loyalty of his subordinates, these attempts failed. The last one however, the last was successful because it came from inside his own family."
Fidum heaved a sad breath, his eyes lost their focus, presumably to look back to a time long dead, of which he was the only survivor capable of telling the tale. "Even though he preferred the company of men, the king was aware of his responsibility to his people. He took a wife and sired heirs. He loved them. Perhaps he didn't enjoy his wife as much as other men could enjoy theirs, but he did love her, and he never had relations outside of that union. She died...an accident. His majesty was crushed. I admit, I comforted him, many times. His majesty's eldest son used this time of distraction...you see, he was of age and impatient for wealth. He formed a pact with disloyal elements in the court and overthrew his father."
"The power he gained; he didn't keep. He ruled only long enough to transfer the lands and government to the people, something my king planned to do in his own time anyway, then he...the king's son, abdicated his throne. For this act, he exacted a massive bonus from the newly formed representative government as well as a yearly tribute guaranteed for as long as he lived. It was the son who decided we should be exiled here. He couldn't garner the support he needed to have us, his majesty and his loyal cabinet, killed, so with the assistance of powerful mages loyal to whomever could pay them the most, he locked us away here. I don't know what happened on the outside after that. I was here, and my king was a broken man."
Neb interrupted Fidum's story with an `a-ha' moment. "That explains the missing records."
"The what?" Fidum asked.
Neb explained. "When we were preparing for the mission to come here, we searched for records on King Pravus, his reign, his exile, the creation of the barrier, but there was nothing. Everything you've told us about the king is new information. I said, at the time, that the information was deliberately absent. It must have been purged after the exile to keep people from finding out about the lies. The little information that's left portrays King Pravus as a tyrant who embroiled the world in endless wars. From what you say, he fought to unite, and the wars were over by the time he was exiled."
"Absolutely!" Fidum insisted. "His majesty never wanted to hurt people. He..." Fidum seemed to be gearing up to make his case, then he deflated when he realized the pointlessness of making it to us, "you mean he is known as a bad king?" Fidum asked like he feared the answer.
Neb shook her head. "He's barely known at all."
Fidum shrugged a deep, expressive shrug of sadness and defeat. He didn't address what Neb had said. He seemed to want to move on from it. He put his focus back on the stone banquet. "I carved this scene to comfort his majesty and remind him of better times. The people here, we were his majesty's most trusted advisors. We were exiled with his majesty because we refused to renounce him. You could say that all of us accompanied his majesty to this place, if not willingly, we did it because we didn't want to live in a world that was not ruled by our beloved monarch. We would rather live in this tiny kingdom and continue to serve at his majesty's pleasure, than to live in the great wide world that was ruled by strangers."
Fidum introduced us around the table. "To my left here is Timore Pedisecus, an ancient servant to the Pravus family. He served the king and his father before. He was far too old to work, but his majesty had a soft spot for the old man and ordered him to accept the honor of a seat at the royal table. To my right, Regnare Ammonitum, the advisor for matters of state. He was a dour and humorless man, but shrewd. Next, Civilis Indicina, political advisor. The polar opposite of Regnare in personality but not in his competence. An excellent advisor and a source of constant amusement. He is the only one," Fidum cracked a wide, amused grin, "he used to call his majesty `Vene,' which was a corruption of the king's given name, Veneficus. His majesty found it so amusing he gave leave for Civilis, and only Civilis, to use it."
"At the head, you know very well who that is. To his right, Exercitus Praefectus, leader of the armed forces on land. An aged and vastly experienced man, his majesty trusted his judgement completely, but no less than Sal Ductor, the admiral of the navy. Younger by a century than his counterpart, he was brash and arrogant and brilliant. Last, old Cessatas Libellis, the court historian. It was said of him, no detail escaped his notice and he never forgot."
Fidum lifted a large, brown, leather-bound volume from the table and held it to his chest. On its cover, was a golden seal that matched the one on the king's jacket. It was a massive book, like a podium-mounted dictionary in an institutional library. "This is the real history of his majesty's reign, the reasons for his wars, and the details of his life. I don't know if it will survive leaving the protection of the barrier, but I pray it does and I pray you can let the world know that he was truly a great man. He deserves that at least. This statue in the wilderness is hardly adequate tribute to the founder of the modern world. Libellus wrote it. He suspected the truth would be obscured by those who banished us, so he wrote it out for posterity. It's called `The Victor Writes the History.'"
Neb accepted the book and turned it immediately over to Cy. It was obviously more weight than she could easily handle. "I'll try." Neb promised in reference to Fidum's hope that we could tell the world the truth about Pravus.
"Fidum," I asked, my curiosity piqued by the man's references to God, "who do you pray to? Your religion sounds like the one I was raised in."
"We refer to him as God, but the scriptures record his name as Jehovah."
"The god I was taught to worship has the same name. Would you mind, do you have a book? It would be very interesting to me if there were more similarities."
Fidum crossed the room to the sleeping area. From the top drawer of the bureau, he drew a black volume, also leather-bound, and with far more wear than the volume Cy now guarded. Fidum ran his fingers lovingly across the tooled cover as he walked the book over to me. "This is mine. Let it be my gift to you for helping me achieve peace for the man I love." He gave me the book.
I accepted it and felt the wear on the cover and the cracks in the spine. It was a book that had seen heavy use long before it ever came to the mountain. I felt it was a prized possession and was honored that Fidum would entrust it to me.
"Thank you. I promise to take good care of it."
Fidum made a lingering tour of the living space like he was getting ready to go on vacation and didn't want to forget anything. He made little adjustments; pushed drawers the last fraction of an inch closed, smoothed bedcover that was wrinkled from his sitting on it, closed the bed curtains and straightened them. He came back to where we lingered near his stone friends. "I'm ready." He said, but I could tell that he wasn't. His face was a grimace of anxiety and he rocked and bounced on the balls of his feet.
"Nervous?" I asked.
"I am," he admitted, "you'd think I wouldn't be. I've waited so long for this moment, and now that it's here...I've been alive a long time...it's become a habit. I need to rest, though, and I miss his majesty. I want to be with him again and I can't do that here. I hope he won't be angry with me for staying with him. He always put me first...even if it hurt him."
Fidum was starting to ramble. I felt for him and his anxiety and decided to help by asking for help for him. "Neb," I called over my shoulder, "Fidum is nervous."
Almost as soon as I said it, Fidum stopped bouncing and came to rest. The worry lines smoothed from his face. He took a long, slow breath. He must have recognized where the calm was coming from because he turned his placid face to Neb to thank her. "Oh, thank you, Neb. I needed that." As Fidum calmed through Neb's influence, it occurred to me that it wasn't Shawn's handhold that had settled me, it was Neb's power. I realized that Shawn must have asked her to intervene when he felt me panic.
"I'm ready now." Fidum said. "We should go outside for this." He added. "I don't know what will happen to this room when the barrier fades and everything ages fifteen-hundred-years in an instant. Will one of you help me with his majesty? It will be a long walk I'm afraid...unless perhaps the gantry outside. I hate to use that for his majesty...it wouldn't be right to subject him to the indignity of it. To be lowered to the ground like a sack of potatoes or some cast off rubbish. No, perhaps one of you wouldn't mind helping me carry him? Please." Fidum pleaded with us and directed his request at me and the Dux brothers, I assumed because we were the stoutest three of the team.
"Will his chair fit down the stairs?" I asked.
"Oh yes," Fidum confirmed, "I made the cut wide enough for us both to walk down together. I used to like that." Fidum colored slightly at the memory. "His majesty...he used to hold my hand as we went."
"If you'll let me, I'll take him down in his chair." I offered. "No reason to disturb him."
"Oh, thank you, Church. That is the proper thing to do. I am sure he will appreciate your kindness." Fidum agreed.
I gave the black book to Shawn for safekeeping and used my telekinesis to raise King Pravus and his chair, and to carry them to the head of the stone staircase. Fidum took his place beside the king and the rest of us fell in behind them. I floated Pravus down while Fidum walked beside him. He held the king's hand and wept gently as we descended. I guessed Neb's calming effect was no match for the intense emotion that Fidum was feeling.
After a lot of stairs, we got to the bottom and stepped into the sunshine. It was noon or a bit later, judging by our almost non-existent shadows. I turned Pravus to face the statue and set him close enough to the mountain that he was in the soft shade. Fidum kissed the king's hand and his face again and stood with him. He held the king's hand in both of his, his head bowed in muttered prayer. We kept our distance until he finished.
After a few minutes, Fidum looked up and waved us over. "I've made my peace. We are ready."
"What will happen to you?" I asked.
Fidum shrugged the shrug of someone who's beyond caring. "I presume I'll age fifteen hundred years in an instant, just like everything else will. I doubt there will be enough of me left to bury, but if there is, will you lay me to rest beneath where my king now sits?"
I said we would and choked back my own tears. I shook Fidum's hand and leaned close to him to give him what comfort my religious upbringing told me that he would appreciate the most. "Good luck in the hereafter. May you find your happiness there, and...and don't let him give you any shit for staying when he told you to go. Remind him, king or peasant, we are all equal in God's eyes."
Fidum surprised me with a hug. "May you and Shawn enjoy a long life together." We separated. "I don't want to watch." He said. "If you don't mind, I'll stand behind you."
"That's fine. I need to talk to the team for a minute before I do this. If you have anything else you want to do or say, now's the time."
Fidum went back to Pravus and I went to where my teammates were lingering a few paces away. "First," I said, "thanks for the calm, Neb, keep it coming. Second...any thoughts on this? We haven't really talked about it. I assume that you agree with Fidum's plan, or one of you would have said something by now. Any advice, warnings, concerns? Anything?"
Neb offered her thoughts. She was hugging herself like she was cold. I suspected she was worried. "What Fidum says makes the most sense. The magic of the barrier is anchored to Pravus. If you can destroy Pravus, the anchor will be gone, and the magic will have nothing to maintain its form. It will diffuse back to nature where it belongs." Neb looked to the rest of the group for confirmation.
The other professionals issued murmurs of agreement. Neb kept the floor and went on with some advice. "Overwhelming force," she offered, "your enemy is all the magic this barrier can draw from the world. You have to hit it so fast and so hard; it doesn't have a chance to call on its resources. Don't think of it like you're vaporizing a man, think of trying to vaporize fifteen-hundred-years of history that the magic has kept from happening."
"OK," I nodded my appreciation to her, "overwhelming force, good. Anyone else?"
Shawn was up next. He took my hands in his as he spoke. He seemed very calm as well and I suspected Neb's influence. "Be careful. I don't know how much mass this will cost you. It will definitely cost something. Listen to your body. If your body says stop, then stop. They've waited a long time. If we need to get help to finish this, they'll have to wait a little longer. Their deaths are not as important as your life."
"Thanks, Shawn." I squeezed his hands in acknowledgement of his caring. The discussion he and I had before, when we were alone on the mountaintop, returned to my mind. "About the rest of it, relieving them of their burden, are you sure everything between us will stay the same?"
"Yes," he squeezed my hand back, "I promise."
I kissed him to thank him for reassuring me and stood back. An unsettling thought struck my worried mind. "Should the rest of you be in here while I do this?"
Bem answered that one. "We're a team and we're not leaving you alone. We will all leave together."
Vulp gave me a thumbs-up. Cy joined him with a "you got this."
I started to overthink and was getting nervous despite Neb's continued emotional influence. `Better just do it before you make yourself crazy.' I thought.
I grabbed Shawn and kissed him again...for luck I told him, and I turned away from the team to move toward Pravus. Fidum saw me approach and came toward me. He shook my hand again. "Thank you, Church. I'm glad it was you that came to save us."
I liked the way he phrased that. It sounded better than `came to kill us.' "Maybe we'll meet again." I said, even though I didn't believe something like that was possible.
"I'd like that. Goodbye, my friend."
"Goodbye Fidum."
He walked around behind me and out of my line of sight. I moved to stand in front of Pravus. He stared at me. I knew he wasn't actually staring, but it felt like he was. I might have been projecting. In my mind, I knew I was getting ready to kill a man, and it bothered me in spite of Shawn's words of reassurance and Neb's emotional help.
My brain started to work overtime again. Fear and dread of what I was about to do threatened to overwhelm me. I closed my eyes and turned my back on Pravus to try to collect myself. I felt people staring at me and opened my eyes to see who they were and what they wanted. It was just the team, obviously wondering what I was doing. Fidum had his back to me, thank God. I don't think I could have dealt with his gaze as well as all the others.
Shawn started to break ranks to come toward me, but Bem stopped him and came instead. "What's wrong, Big Guy?" He asked.
"I don't know if I can." I whispered without looking at him.
"You have to." Bem insisted. "You're the only one that can."
I rubbed my face with my palms and left them covering my eyes when I answered him. "I've never killed anyone...or anything. I mean, I've stepped on bugs, and I hit a couple squirrels with my car over the years. Even those damn squirrels made me feel like a murderer. Fuck me, Bem...how can I kill a person?"
I dropped my hands to look at the lean man for the first time since he walked over. "I psyched myself up to the idea that I might have to kill someone that was trying to kill me, but he's just sitting there. He's not doing anything to me...not threatening or anything. He's a fucking vegetable. How can I murder a vegetable?"
Bem grabbed my hand and held it, like Shawn would have if he had he been close enough. As much as I loved Shawn's touch and his support, I was glad it was Bem that was there and not Shawn. Shawn wouldn't have known what to do or to say. I suspected that Bem did. "Big Guy, there's a few things you need to think about. The first is, that man behind you is threatening you, and he's threatening all the life on Solum, and he's threatening Shawn. The longer he lives, the more magic it will take to keep him alive, the less magic available to the world, until everyone dies. Just because he's not charging at you with a weapon, doesn't mean he's not trying to kill you."
I started to object to Bem and his characterization that Pravus was `trying to kill me,' but Bem squeezed my hand to stop me. "I know he's not aware of it, but he's doing it just the same. The other thing you need to think about is...this is what they want. Fidum asked you to do it, and I'm sure that if Pravus could reason and talk to you, he'd tell you he wants it to. Think of the torture they're enduring, both of them, stuck in this crazy type of forever. They think there's something after this life."
Bem cocked his head and lifted his shoulders in a non-committal shrug. "Maybe there is. If there is, they deserve to have it. You have the power to help them. You're the only one that does. You also have the compassion to do it. I know that you do because you helped Shawn when he needed it on your world."
I stared at Bem. I didn't remember telling him that story beyond a few details to explain how I recognized the Dux brothers when they showed up. Bem grinned at my goggle eyes. "I read the report Shawn submitted to his uncle." He explained, then shifted back to the current situation. "Maybe this is why Shawn needed a powerful AND compassionate man. This is the part that requires the compassion. What do you say?"
I thought for a minute, not sure what to say. Bem seemed to have an idea and voiced it before my brain came up with anything. "If it helps, I could shoot him. Right before you use your magic, I'll shoot him. That way he'll already be dead. It's a technicality, but...would that help your conscience?"
I bent down and hugged Bem. "Thanks." I whispered in his ear. "You don't have to shoot him. It's not fair of me to...you shouldn't have to have his blood on your hands because I'm a wuss. I'll do it. You're right. It's what they want and Pravus is a threat, whether he wants to be or not." I released Bem and stood up. "Thanks." I said again.
"You OK, Big Guy?" Bem asked.
I shook my head. "Not really, but fuck it, right? I got this."
Bem's hand sprang from his side and groped my crotch. I jumped away from him instinctually. Bem drew his hand back and examined his palm. "You've got the equipment for it." He grinned at me. "Do your thing and let's get back to the hotel. I want to romp again."
I laughed at Bem, because I had to. I thanked him again and sent him back to the group. He went and stopped near Fidum to whisper something I didn't catch. I winked at Shawn, and he winked back. I turned on my heels to face Pravus and stared the man down. He stared back. It started to unnerve me again, but I resisted. "This is what they want." I said aloud and got ready to do my job...to do the job that only I could do.
I still felt the calm from Neb and mentally thanked her again for helping me do what had to be done. I adjusted my stance to prepare for my task. I held my hands out in front of me, palms toward the king. I imagined a cone of light coming from my hands, falling on the king so his entire body was lit. I imagined building power in my core, accumulating it in my body, my arms, my hands. I knew I needed to hit Pravus with a cannon blast of white magic. I built volume and pressure inside myself until my body felt like it would split its seams, then I built some more. I didn't release the magic until it was leaking from my palms.
The initial burst was the most intense discharge I'd ever done. The flow of power...I felt like a god. My core was a nuclear reactor running at full power, and my arms were conduits pouring the power out. The white magic blasted Pravus. The barrier reacted immediately. In my peripheral vision, I saw the swirling yellow become a stream of opposing power, a yellow serpent flowing into Pravus, trying to drive my power out.
"NO!" I roared. "MORE!" I bore down, willing the nuclear reactor inside me to run amok, removing all the safeties so it would generate as much magic as it could. Power surged from my core. It felt like it couldn't get down my arms fast enough, like the circuits were overloading. I was angry at my limitations and euphoric at the birth of the magic. The barrier fought, its opposition increased, the yellow serpent grew thicker, more magic flowed along its length. A second serpent darted from the yellow wall to join the first.
I felt Shawn worry for me. I felt his love and his arousal at the display of my power. I took his emotions in and added them to my own to help me fight Pravus and the barrier. The barrier pushed against me, like it was a living thing. I felt the pushback, the barrier fighting me. I felt its threat, its threat to me, to all life on Solum, to Shawn. I fought harder, but my arms burned from the flow. Somehow, I needed to get more magic out. I was desperate and angry and excited. Shawn's love and his concern for me was encouraging my efforts along with the euphoria of creating the magic and my growing anger at Pravus and the barrier.
My heart, the organ that Shawn rebuilt and the one that beat only for him, hammered in my chest like it wanted to burst through my ribs. Burst through my ribs,' I thought and was suddenly inspired, BURST FROM MY CHEST!'
I took all the love that I felt from Shawn and all the love that I had for him and all the hate that I had for anyone that would threaten him. I balled the emotions together, the love and the hate and the euphoria and the worry, and the white-hot fear of ever being alone again. I added the desire, my desire for Shawn and for the love and happiness he offered me. My desire for the life I'd found with him and all the possibilities it offered.
I built the feelings into the final weapon, the only thing left in my arsenal. The emotions became the core of the power plant, but it wasn't a power plant anymore, it was an atomic bomb. I took a deep breath and cried out, announcing myself, my feelings, my resolve to the world. "FOR LOVE!" I cried and willed the power plant to melt down, to detonate into the final weapon.
White magic in the form of brilliant light erupted from my torso; a huge column of power flowed from my body, from my collar bones to my waist. It added to the columns flowing from my palms, displacing them as I rolled my shoulders back and threw my chest out to broaden the surface pouring out magic. The white was blinding, like a thousand fireworks bursting at the same time. It hit Pravus and drove the yellow back. The barrier made an all-out attempt to survive. It drew its reserves into a final push. The entire yellow dome concentrated itself into a writhing sewer-pipe-sized column of power that surged into Pravus. I fought it off with a final, desperate burst of power. The atom bomb inside me exploded from my body, smashed into Pravus, and split the yellow serpent into oblivion.
I released the magic and stopped the flow. The white winked out and my eyes adjusted to the natural light of day. The sun shone down on me. I could see the sky. On the spot where Pravus sat, was a dished area of soil fused into ashy glass. The barrier was gone. I could see our camp and the Vic. `I wonder if we can get back today?' I thought.
I felt very tired, and hungry. My body felt strange. I tried to turn around to check on Fidum and the team, but my legs wouldn't move. My balance failed. I fell backward and landed on the hard ground. The scrub must've cushioned my landing because the fall didn't hurt. Shawn appeared next to me, kneeling at my side, his face drawn and serious. His expression reminded me of how he'd looked right before I lost consciousness when I got stabbed by the ax in the dojo. I reached for him to prove that I was OK. The hand that appeared in my field of vision was thin to the point of being skeletal. I wouldn't have known it was mine, except for the swollen knuckles and the old, jagged scar from a broken reciprocating saw blade.
I let the hand drop. It wouldn't move smoothly, and it felt very heavy. My voice wouldn't work either. Shawn's hands ran along my body with light touches, like he was making sure all of me was still there. I thought it was strange that I felt his fingers directly on the skin of my chest and stomach. I assumed the white magic had destroyed my clothes. I tried to tilt my head down to look, but my neck muscles wouldn't work.
Bem dropped to his knees on the other side of me, opposite Shawn. "You did it, Big Guy. You did it." He said and looked at me with his own worry.
Shawn's touch moved up my body and landed on my face. "You're going to be fine. We're going to get help." He whispered to me in his best soothing tone.
I tried to tell him that all I needed was a minute. I didn't need help; just a minute to rest and we could go home. My voice still wouldn't work. Even if it did, Shawn didn't seem like he would listen. He was too busy shouting orders, him and Bem both. Shawn was more insistent than Bem. "Neb, bring the car over here. Cy, can you pick him up with your magic? Gently, I SAID GENTLY!"
I felt myself being lifted with Cy's telekinesis. I floated into the back seat of the Vic and was laid across it. That didn't make sense to me. I didn't think anyone in the group was powerful enough to lift me and that's why I had to ride a rope up the mountain earlier. I knew Cy was powerful by regular Solum standards, but two-hundred-forty pounds of fat-fuck is a lot of weight. How can he lift me all the sudden?' I wondered. If he could, why...just why?'
Bem pointed at Cy and Vulp and shouted some directions. "There's no room. Call Rugam and tell her to pick you up."
Neb jumped in the driver's seat of the Vic and adjusted it for her much smaller body. Bem jumped in beside her. Shawn moved the passenger seat all the way forward and knelt in the rear footwell on that side, so he was at my head. Neb started the car.
The CD player spooled the CD that I'd picked and music of the clichŽ tune I'd selected started. I tried to smile at my own joke as the music played, but my face didn't seem to want to follow my orders any more than the rest of me did. The strumming of a rhythm guitar, the beat of a snare drum, and the haunting strains of what I always assumed was a synthesizer, flowed like a lazy stream from the old paper-cone speakers. Neb pulled the shifter down and I felt the car go into gear. She gave it too much throttle. We set off with a lurch and the harsh tearing sound of light-truck tires scrabbling for grip on the dry, hard-packed dirt of the nameless plains.
"You'll be fine." Shawn said and brushed some hair out of my face. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince me. "You have to be fine."
David Bowie's deep, conversational voice joined the swelling music. I didn't know why I couldn't move or speak, or why everyone seemed so worried, but I knew that I was safe. Shawn had promised me that I was safe with him, that he loved me, and I'd never have to be alone again. I put my faith in him. I closed my eyes, and my consciousness drifted. I was so tired. Just before I sank into unconsciousness, I thought, `I guess we won. I guess we really are heroes.'