Title: Desperate Measures Pairing: Nick and Kevin of the Backstreet Boys pen name: NGCfan email: ngclle@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: I don't know any of the Backstreet Boys. This story is pure fiction. Also, I hope Kevin fans aren't angry at me for portraying him in a darker way. He is one of the main characters in the story and he is not evil, at least, not consciously!
Pairing: Nick and Kevin
And yes, I love email so just send them to me if you have ANY comments. ngclle@yahoo.com
I knew I had made a mistake. I knew it immediately after the fact that it was done, yet I couldn't help myself. Emotions are hard to tame. But now that it had already happened, I had to deal with it. I hadn't gotten sleep all night because I was disturbed. Yeah, it felt funny because I never felt guilt ever in my fleeting 24 years. Oddly, the feeling makes me queasy, not pained. It felt vague, awkward. How come I have done this so many times yet never felt guilt until this last incidence, I don't know. I'm so confused. I was actually feeling guilt and enjoying myself all at once. I sighed. Oh well. Nothing in life is perfect and I cannot always bathe myself in guilt.
I looked at the clock. Rats! It was 6 a.m. We're supposed to have a group meeting at 6:30. I let out a disgruntled groan and yanked my body off the bed. I still felt sore. My arms hurt so bad from having to pin him down. It had been a rough night, but then again, I half expected it to be that way. I quickly pushed my reflective thoughts aside and showered quickly. I had to wash off the perspiration and any other evidence of last night, just as I know that 'he' would as well.
I was a speed demon and went through my daily ritual of bathing and cleaning in less than 15 minutes. Then, I was out the door, thinking I was ready to face the day. I imagined it to be slightly different today. Maybe that was an understatement. However, I wasn't going to show any remorse in front of him. He would get no special treatment from me and he would have to deal with it. I knew that in some ways, I was heartless, but life had to go on. There was so much work left undone. And we had to concentrate on that.
I quickly shut the door and walked off to the conference room downstairs. We were at the Hyatt in New York for one of our promotions. It had been a fun week. We practiced a lot during the day, but at night, we simply relaxed. Besides, the new album wasn't released yet. We needed some vacation time before all the excitement began. I guess I just got carried away.
Anyways, I walked into the conference room and stopped at the door. Why was I so nervous? I was always the calm, stoic type. I looked up, half in relief to see Brian. "Hey cuz," I greeted him warmly.
"Hey, waz up, Kev?" Brian replied in that soothing voice of his. I was so happy that he was family. Otherwise, I would suffer from lack of love everytime we were on tour.
"Nothing much," I replied hastily, hoping he didn't sense any tension in me. I hadn't seen 'him' yet so I shouldn't be tense, but my mind can't control my heart so I had to try to look relaxed so nobody would suspect that I was jittery.
I sat down near the table about 5 feet from Brian, not really wanting to talk to him. I picked up the newspaper, but jumped up when I heard a raspy voice. "Ello!" AJ screamed from behind the door. "Hey, kinda jittery there, are ya Kev?"
Why does his voice sound like a bomb every time I hear it? Can't he learn to talk at an intensity of less than 120 decibels? I glared at him. "Only when you're around!" I replied smartly. I didn't know why I was so nervous. Still, I didn't see 'him' yet. I counted to ten to calm myself down, ignoring AJ's reply to my statement.
"Where are the others?" I finally asked after about 15 minutes of waiting, starting to feel queasy again. This time, it wasn't from guilt, but rather fear. Did he try to do something drastic after last night? I was starting to condemn myself again.
AJ's loud voice again cracked my ear drums. "Don't know. I'll call them."
As expected, he called Howie first. Besides, they were closer to each other. I didn't care to listen in on their conversation. I was only interested in the last one. I was only interested in Nick. Nick . . . His name was starting to give me the chills. I hope he didn't take last night as humiliation. I just got out of control. I now wished I hadn't drank that brandy.
Finally, AJ hung up. "Howie'll be down in a second. He just overslept," AJ informed me and Brian. I nodded and looked away.
"I'll call Nick," Brian offered. I smiled at Brian, glad that he was my link to Nick. Ever since the group started, I found it easy to get along with everyone, but Nick. Perhaps it was the age difference. I don't know. But Brian, by being Nick's best friend, had made it easier for me to talk to Nick. The three of us would spend so much time together. And then, Nick became more comfortable talking to me without Brian's presence. There would be times when it was just him and me playing music all day long and singing. And now . . .
I willed my mind to stop thinking about last night, but I couldn't. I was a lot stronger than him and a lot bigger as well. He was rather frail and thin, but good-looking nevertheless. So often I had to kick myself to stop staring at him. I haven't always been like this. I had gone out with other men before these past few years and never really considered being in a sexual relationship with Nick. And then, last night happened.
I was pulled out of my trance from Brian's soothing voice again. "He's not going to be here today."
"Why?" I immediately pounded Brian, the frustration starting to set in. "This is an important meeting. Tell him to get his butt here!" I demanded angrily.
Brian pulled the phone to his ears again and relayed my message, although in a gentler tone. Then he hung up. Brian always knew to never challenge me when I'm mad, and that meant never taking Nick's side when the kid is late.
I then decided that we start breakfast. We couldn't delay things just because Nick didn't want to come. If he missed breakfast, that was his problem. I knew that I was being harsh, but that was how this business ran. We finished breadfast when Nick finally came in.
I didn't turn to face him, partly because I was angry at him for being late again . . . and partly because I was afraid to see his face. Funny. I always had been the decisive, firm, strict leadership figure in the group. And now, I'm starting to feel slightly insecure. "Sit down and have some breakfast, Nick," I commanded, trying to sound determined. If I had treated him nicer, the other guys would suspect something.
I heard the shuffling of footsteps and pretty soon, he was at the table. It was at this moment that I lifted my head to look at him. I was aghast. His face was pale and sweaty. His eyes were still beautiful, but didn't reveal any emotion. He averted my gaze. All the other guys remained quiet, respecting my conversation with Nick. Perhaps they too were tired of him being late all the time. I continued to gaze at Nick, this time with a little more compassion. "Take a few bites. It will help your stomach settle in so you won't get nauseous."
He nodded and poured milk and cereal into his bowl, still averting my gaze. His lips were slightly cyanotic. I began to feel more guilt. He did look terribly sick to me. "If you're really sick, then . . . "
"Naw. It's just early in the morning," Nick replied and forced the cereal into his mouth. Pretty soon, he was done with his bowl and we began to file out of the room. We had to meet our management at 7:30. Quickly, everybody got up except for Nick. He seemed to sway a bit when he tried to get on his feet. Finally, he was upright and started to walk. I walked behind him, just to make sure he didn't fall.
He barely took a couple of steps when suddenly, his head fell backwards and his body leaned towards me as well. I immediately ran up and grabbed his unconscious body before it hit the ground. What I felt scared me to the bones. His body was completely cold except for his head which was seething. "Brian!" I yelled.
Brian immediately ran to my side with a warm blanket and placed it around Nick's body.
"AJ, Howie. You guys talk to management. Just tell them we've had a few delays and we'll try to get to the meeting later. Brian, why don't you call the doctor. I'll take Nick to his room." After all my delegations, I swept Nick's limp body in my arms and headed for his room with Brian trailing after me, frantically talking to the doctor on his cell phone. It seemed like ages before we got to Nick's room and I gently placed him on his bed, which was still ruffled from last night's 'excitement.' Well, at least for me, it was exciting.
I told Brian to follow AJ and Howie while I tended to Nick, reasoning that I could tend to Nick myself. Mostly, I just wanted to have some time alone with Nick. Brian left uncertainly. When he was gone, I looked to Nick's pale body and winced. "Sorry Nick. I just got a little out of hand last night," I whispered into his ears. "I promise I won't be that rough again," I added, kicking myself for that statement because the next minutes, Nick's eyes widened in fear.
He pushed himself away from me. "Please don't," he managed.
But the more he backed away, the more I moved forward. "It's okay Nick. What happened last night wasn't bad. It was act of love, remember?" I tried to coax him. Usually, I was very good with words and could convince any of my lovers to cater to me, even if I was wrong.
He shook his head slowly. I continued. "Last night was beautiful. I enjoyed every minute of it." When he didn't respond, I knew that I had somewhat calmed him down. Slowly, I placed some fingers on his bare arm. I knew it was the most inopportune time, but I felt aroused again. My gentle touch suddenly became a tight grasp as became suddenly lustful and aggressive. Before he could move, I quickly pinned his other arm and legs down and pressed myself down on him. I hated the effect he had on me. I couldn't control myself. I thought last night was enough, but I guess we were reliving it again with the same emotions.
He struggled just as he did last night. His frantic cries were muffled by me as I pressed my lips onto his. I could feel the bed shaking as he tried to get away, but he was even weaker than yesterday. Fortunately for him, my logic came back and I paused in my act to let him breathe. He pushed me back off the bed and willingly, I took a few steps back.
"Come on, Nick. You're not afraid of me, are you?" I coaxed, knowing that every thing I was doing was aggravating him further.
"Don't, Kev. Please," he pleaded, although his voice was anything but yielding.
I eyed him with a sudden irritation. I knew what I did last night was uncalled for, but he didn't have to act like I was the most disgusting thing in the world. "Look, Nick. I'm not trying to mess with you. You don't have to avoid me like the plague. I do care about you. Just forget about what happened last night, okay? It was nothing. Let's act mature and pretend it never happened, okay?" I felt like my usual self again, calm and in control.
Men would swoon over me and follow my command blindly. I could make any man I want beg me for love and I could push them away without having them hate me. I had a magnetic attractiveness that other guys just couldn't resist. No one had ever said no to me. Except Nick.
Perhaps it was the thrill of conquest that made me decide at that moment that I was going to tame his heart no matter what it took me. I was going to dig into my innermost powers to make him fall for me just like every other man in this world did. Perhaps I sound like an arrogant pig, but I would prefer to label myself as a fierce competitor.
In a way, he was intriguing. He had said no when any other man in his position would yield without a second thought. He was the first real challenge I had in a long time. I don't fall in love. But I like to make people fall in love with me. Perhaps it was a way for me to recover from my childhood.
You see, I was taken advantage of when I was a child. My parents didn't know. No one knew my darkest secrets. I was raped when I barely turned 14. And ever since I knew about the real world, I began to play the people's game and to protect my heart by breaking other's. Better to hurt than be hurt. And that was my motto ever since. So I had gone through the years breaking hearts and feeling triumphant about it.
And now, my latest conquest would be Nick. I always had disturbing feelings for him. When we first met, I barely spoke two words to him. Maybe it was because I envied his youth and his innocence. But now, I guess I'm leaning more towards hatred. I hated that he maintained that innocence. And that was what led to last night. It was the culmination of all my wrath and my unresolved lost of innocence. I had to take it out on someone. And I took it out on Nick by taking away his chastity.
Somehow, it didn't make me feel any better. But it did give me some sort of satisfaction. However, the satisfaction was not complete. I had slept with other men, but they were 100% willing to oblige me. Yesterday was different. Nick was struggling to be free. That was a bad move on his part. Had he relished that sexual act, I would have given him the cold shoulder and passed him off as any other sexual object and would never bug him again.
But he didn't enjoy it. And that was what made me want him emotionally. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not satisfied with just sex with him now. I have to have his heart as well. Perhaps the sex is not what gives me the power. It is having men offer their love to me that gives me pleasure.
My train of thought was broken and I gazed into Nick's eyes. "Don't worry Nick," I said soothingly as I placed a hand on his arm. "I won't hurt you. Just relax."
He gave me a sad look, which amused me. "Then don't touch me," he said softly, but firmly.
My eyes betrayed my surprise at his insistence. I backed off towards the door and turned around. Without a second glance, I left. My ego was hurt. Why was he being so difficult? Why did he act like last night was pure hell? I was starting to feel some anger at him. But with anger came a new vow. I considered it a challenge. I cracked a smile as plans began to form in my mind. Wouldn't it be fun to see how far my charms can go with him? I loved to tackle impossible feats. He was difficult, but intriguing; and he would be my next project.