EDGEWATER DR by Mike Austin
nasstop@yahoo.com
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IX.
Ben did not return Saturday night. While I didn't have a concern for his safety actually, I would have expected him to let me know his status. I'd approach it as a business courtesy if he was going to `play in the big league'. Jack and I had gone to our separate zones and crashed. I'd wondered what Miguel had done on his first Saturday and free Saturday night. Somehow I knew he'd be responsible with his new role.
As for Juan and Rodrigo, no doubt they were out whoring around. I also knew that come Sunday morning, whatever they got into overnight, that work was first and they'd be on the job too. That brought me back to Benny.
Sunday morning was rainy and the wind coming off the bay was unusually chilly. Not cold by any measure, but cooler than should be in a Texas Summer. I started the coffee, Jack came in blurry eyed and horny, but wouldn't let me blow him; his reluctance about Benny turning up unexpectedly he advised. I asked his thoughts about why Ben had turned up down here and if he'd shared anything with Ben that first day to give a clue; he shook his head no and asked about breakfast. I suggested we go to Mi Ranchito or such and he lept at the idea of getting out, even in the rain. We dressed, headed to the café and were greeted by several different regulars and waitstaff. Our orders arrived, we ate and chatted. I told him how horny I was for more of his dick, he grinned teasingly and offered only "maybe". He asked about this new project so we drove out to the northside property. Juan and Rodrigo were doing some demo work on the concrete approach to the dumpster pad. Juan waved as I pulled in, "hola Mr. Brad, you come to check on us, see if we workin" he grinned from under his poncho hood. I said no just showing my new handyman/project guy the site and repairs you have underway. Jack and Juan nodded hellos as Rodrigo approached and I repeated the intros to he and Jack then told them "we'd leave them to get on with the demo, but to watch the weather"; then we headed back home. During the drive, Jack put it out, "so did you blow them"? I stalled, "well Jack I have, when I was horny and they were available and we sort of have a history from years ago, so there, yeah you know how much I love sucking dick" and nothing more was said. Ben was at home when we returned, sitting at the bar having coffee and looking real rough and puffy. "Hard to soar with the eagles when you wallow with the pigs there Benny boy" I tossed out off-handedly. He raised his mug of coffee as a salute, dropped his head forward and moaned. Jack and I laughed, knowing full well he'd likely fucked his brains out and shared the same fate as Megan had the day before. I suggested he remember one thing and went on about he being a part of a business and I was his boss and deserved the courtesy of a status call to know he was safe. "Yeah well I'm not 16 anymore DAAAAAAAAAAAAD, and furthermore, I'll go damned well where I want and do what I want and no one better fucking get their noses out of joint in the process", he went off. Stunned and about ready to pounce, Jack gripped my arm in restraint and shook his head NO. I went upstairs and left Ben and Jack to chat or ramp down the tension. Jack did just that and in about an hour came upstairs to report he'd diffused the mood and if I wanted to visit with Ben it might be ok now. This time it was my turn to do the NO headshake and remain distant. Jack left to go get some laundry started and it was another hour before Ben came up and apologized. "I don't know why I snapped at you like that Unc, uh Brad; just that you sounded like dad when I was a teen and I did something stupid and needed to be punished" I listened. "I need someone to hear me, to let me open up, Jack seemed to try, but he's not fam you know and yet he did seem genuine, a real good dude as a friend, a bud" Ben continued. "Tell me where yall met again" I waved off his question and came to his point, "Ben something has happened to or with you, not sure if it's your folks, friends, Brandon, a girl whatever it is, your stress is ALL FUCKING OVER YOUR FACE and I don't know what to do to help; but I am there if you need to open ABOUT ANYTHING and you know I have no bias, just care and concern" I stood, walked to my nephew, rubbed his tense shoulders and could feel him relax in my hands.
"Brad, you're spot on and I need to open up about it" he almost whispered. "It got real bad overnight with Megan and she brought it all back, both the good and bad" he paused, then continued "it goes back to last Summer" he took in a deep breath and continued again, "see Brandon and I had gone to Water Street for drinks and I was getting shit faced and she was tending bar and he and her got to talking and coming on to each other and I got pissy and asked her to go fuck back here when she got off and they laughed at me and I told her I was a better fuck than Brandon and well he tried to settle me down and I got quiet and started to cry, right there in the fuckin bar and she tried to console me and that made it worse and then I tried to punch Brandon and the manager came over and told me to leave and Brandon told me he'd take me home and gave Megan the keys to the Bimmer and the address here and to bring the car there when she got off and he'd bring her back for her car and she agreed and then we left and then we got back here and I feel asleep and then Megan was here and then she and I were at it and I couldn't get it up and Brandon came in and joined and then she and him were at it and I crawled between them and tried again and she was tired of having to hold me up and Brandon got behind me tryin to pull me up off her and then the next thing I know Brandon is fuckin me and I'm tryin to fuck her and then Jesus fuckin Christ I was getting butt fucked by my bro..." silence. The only sound was a tick tick tick of a wall clock..............................
His cries were almost bellows, his tears flooded my hands and wrists, he hugged my waist and continued crying aloud, so much so that Jack came up to see what was happening. He stood watching us, raised his arms to offer help or anything then disappeared out of courtesy. I squatted beside Ben, held his head and wanted so much to hold his face close to mine and kiss him with comfort and reassurance but knew better at this point. "Ben it is ok, you're ok, I'm ok and you don't deserve this self-inflicted turmoil and punishment, we'll work through this", I offered. "What happened overnight with Megan" I asked? "We were starting to fuck and she said how great I was the night before and asked if I could be like that on a regular basis with her, I tried to reconnect and we got into it and then I started failin, ya know, losin my bone and she went off, sayin that maybe I just needed Brandon to help me stay up or somebody else and that's when I lost it the bone and my temper and just stormed around, got dressed and left her fuckin apartment and got a room at the Sheraton to crash" he admitted and went on "so when I woke up this morning and replayed it all, I got out and came back home and here I am spillin my guts about getting queered again and........................." His admission stopped cold in its tracks. "AGAIN" hung like a boulder over a glass table. Again, I thought silently and just hugged him softly. I poured Ben a small glass of wine, asked him to SIP it and take deep breaths to relax and go on if he wanted to. His voice grew soft and almost insecure, unlike his usual fratboy arrogance. He went on to explain that "there WAS more, there was Tom, Tommy from high school and they were good buds until he wanted to ya know get me to blow him and I turned him down and shut him out and we got into it and I called him a queer to his face at his house with his parents there and left his fucking self to jack off and find another queer to blow him", Ben grew angry and began crying again, gulped down the remaining wine and held out the glass for more. He went on ".....and then those fags across the street came onto me last Summer and I told em I wasn't gay or into their faggy shit or pool parties and then AND THEN Bandon shows up over there and he and those two are sorta laughing at me over here in the yard and Brandon told em, I know he told about that night with Megan and they roared out loud, I fuckin hate him and them so I told mom and dad that Brandon tried to screw me, I just didn't know what else to do I had to tell someone" he broke down again. "Ben why the fuck didn't you just come to me and talk this all out" I suggested without being dismissive. He looked up, swollen eyes still filled with tears, "Brad I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing, why I'm here, what I'm about, no one loves me anymore, I've really fucked up big time and don't know where to go or do", he dropped his head in my hands. He mumbled "maybe I am gay" and I replied softly "and if you are it's OK, I'm ok with it, others will be too" and stroked his head. "You can't be punishing yourself Ben it is not a crime and if you're gay, you'll find your way and I'll help you, I won't turn on you" his eyes blinked gratitude and he rubbed his cheek on my hand. I was stunned and added, "Let me get you something to help you sleep awhile. You need some peace, quiet and rest".