Finding Love After Incredible Loss Chapter 20
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NOTE – When the twins "talk" it is really AJ interpreting what they are saying, they are not quite old enough to have conversations, but parents typically know what they want/need.
Finding love after incredible loss – Chapter 20
You to keep in mind that next week is going to be twice as hard – The boys were born on January 1st and Syd was there for that – now she is not and you 4 will be by yourself in North Carolina.
Scott grabbed a blanket and went out on the patio – he wrapped it around he and AJ, pulling his lover into his body. AJ started to apologize; Scott stopped him with we know. Let's just watch the water, be quiet and just be together for a while. AJ turned his head into Scott's chest and breathed deeply, he was conflicted. He knew that Syd was gone and that Syd somehow pushed him toward Scott, but his heart was still broken – he was going on and Syd was not with them and it was not fair. The boys would never know their mother, they would never have her kiss a booboo, she would not be there for their first heart break, she would not be there the day they got married, the day they became fathers and it SUCKED. Breathing in Scott's smell comforted him, turned him on and made him feel like he had found a new home. He was not sure how he was going to explain where his head is to this man (how the fuck did I fall for a man, he's muscled, he has sharp angles to his body, he has chest hair, he has a dick and balls. Yet here he was – head over heels in love with A MAN, he loved his smell, he loved those hard muscles, he loved the chest hair, he loved sucking and fucking loads of cum out of that cock and balls. Shit he was truly hopeless).
Scott kissed the top of AJs head and said `penny for your thoughts' and AJ laughed out loud and he felt his heart lift for the first time in the last couple of hours as Syd had been on his mind since he sat down for dinner. AJ sat up a little straighter and hugged Scott and told him – `first bear with me, I'm going to pull `a Scott', so if you have questions at the end, please ask them. I can't believe how much I love you and how good you are for me and honestly the only way to say this is – I am gaga over a man, a studly, hot, caring, kind, generous, loving, genuine, smart, did I mention FUCKING HOT. I need you to know that because I am also still a mess and am scared shitless right now that the boys' birthday is going to be a mess and I need to make it special. Its so hard to be so happy when my first true love is dead; today has been a roller coaster of epic proportions. Making love with you this morning – watching your face and feeling your body respond to me, hearing your passion was mind-blowing. Seeing the love bites on your body, made me feel like a carefree kid again. Knowing I could make you feel and look so FUCKING HOT made me feel invincible; set me on a high that I loved being on. When I sat down to Christmas Eve dinner, it hit me – life is moving on. Caleb and Conor will never know their mom, we will do everything we can to keep her alive, but they will not KNOW her. The pjs the boys got tonight, Syd bought before they were born. She also bought each of them a gift they will receive tomorrow and then they each have two birthday gifts from her for their first birthday. Please bear with me, I'm trying to keep my shit together; it won't be pretty at times.'
Scott let AJ finish and then he said – your mom is a witch or something. She said almost verbatim what you just said, so I have had time to put together my response, so bear with me as you know I get long winded. First and foremost – THANK YOU for saying I'M FUCKING HOT – you obviously are not as big a mess as you pretend to be. Second – I'm ALL IN FOR LIFE; your struggling right now, my turn will come. I love you with all my heart and I'm hear. Oh, one last thing – you are a master with making me hot, bothered, loud, crazy, sweaty and as long as you can make me cum three times per session, my ass is yours!
AJ laughed out loud, hugged Scott and kissed him deeply. Thanks for being you and putting up with this sometimes-clueless mess of a man.
While AJ and Scott were on the patio, Eva arrived on the scene. When Evelyn opened the door, Eva gave her a great big hug and asked her how mama was doing and how their boy was holding up. Eva and Evelyn went to the kitchen, opened a Merlot and poured glasses of wine for themselves. They sat at the table talking – Eva knew tonight would be hard for AJ as they had talked earlier in the week that he had Syd's stash of gifts for the boys. Mama said things kind of fell apart about 30 minutes ago – Scott is on the patio with him and I know that is also a bit of added stress. AJ feels guilty for moving on and for the boys never knowing their mom. I also think he is still wrapping his head around the fact that he has fallen HARD for a guy, it's all new to him. I know he is head over heals for Scott and it will work if they prop each other up and focus on one step at a time.
Eva wiped a tear from her eye, Syd was her little sister and it has been tough on her. She told mama that she was pissed at both her and AJ when they wound up pregnant before finishing school but was so utterly proud of them for making adult decisions and telling everyone it was their life and they were going to live if for each other. Those little boys were the center of their universe after they were born; they were GREAT parents together and AJ has been everything since Syd was taken. That event almost broke our young man, but he pulled himself together for Caleb and Conor. Eva recounted here conversations with Scott at the funeral and the months after; it was clear that he was falling for our guy but was struggling to comprehend how his heart was getting wrapped up with another man. She talked to mama about the night that AJ took his ring off; Eva cried for a large part of the night – part for an end to Syd & AJ and the hope for AJ and Scott. It was horrible and awesome at the same time.
AJ and Scott came in from the patio and saw Eva and mama sitting at the table drinking wine. Eva got up, crossed the room and hugged AJ and just held him – the water works started flowing again – Eva was a mess, AJ was a mess, Scott was a mess and mama was a mess. Group hug. Eva asked what she could do to help get things done for the morning. JJ & JR sauntered in and said everything, but Santa and Syd's gifts are under the tree. Cookies and milk are on the table next to the boys' tree, stockings are filled and hung. JR said his good nights, JJ grabbed Evelyn and said their good nights, Eva kissed AJ and Scott and said her goodnights and AJ walked her to the door thanking her for stopping by and told her he loved her and would see her for dinner.
Scott waited for AJ – he asked him if he needed help finishing up or if he wanted to handle the rest by himself. AJ told him, we are in this together for better or worse and this is a mixture of both. The gifts are wrapped and, in our closet, so your help is much appreciated and very necessary. The two men took the gifts out of the closet and placed the small present from Syd under the main tree and the Santa gifts under the kids' tree. AJ also placed two additional gifts under the main tree for the boys – it was a framed picture of their mom and dad from this time last year. It was a candid photo on the deck at Charlene and Elliott's home where they were sitting on a bench on the deck talking, facing each other. You could see the love on their faces and the big belly carrying Caleb and Conor. AJ wanted them to have a keepsake that was meaningful with their mom and dad together.
Scott and AJ checked the doors and windows, turning out lights as they headed to bed. They brushed their teeth and were headed to bed nude, Scott said we need at least bottoms on as Conor and Caleb were likely to be in their room first thing in the morning. AJ kissed his cheek and said – `silly ole man, you have new PJs under your pillow. Scott punched AJ in the arm and pulled out new satin pjs – red from under the pillow. He slipped the bottoms on and whined about putting the top on; AJ told him the top could be for tomorrow morning. Scott asked where AJs were – AJ looked at him and said I bought yours, so you didn't get me any? Pouty face ensued at first Scott did not see it when he did, he knew AJ had him – so he looked at AJ and asked so smart ass where are your sexy PJs and he searched under AJs pillow and there were some green ones. Scott walked up behind AJ and bent to help him dress as he pulled up the PJs he nipped at AJs firm ass cheek and then on the other one he left a huge hickey.
AJ laughed and pulled Scott to him, kissed him on the lips and pulled him into their bed. The two hard bodied studs cuddle up and pulled the blankets over them. They instinctively knew tonight was about their closeness and love for each other not sex; their bodies were melded together their combined body heat warming the linens quickly. Their breathing fell into synch and they were off to dream land; they woke up with two excited little boys bouncing on them. They played possum, when the boys excitement got to a fevered pitch the two men grabbed a kiddo, rolled them over and started tickling their prey. AJ relented and looked at the clock on the ceiling – 5:38 AM; well, that was a little later than he had anticipated. He kissed both boys and before he could get the words out Conor squealed – new diapy. Scott chuckled, grabbing him and tossing him in the air; Caleb squealed me to daddy. AJ went to take Conor to change both boys and Scott dismissed him saying – I'm all in; Conor hugged Scott hard and kissed him on the nose.
With the boys changed the men proceeded to the kitchen – this caused a ruckus with the boys squirming to get down and lots of noises and high pitched `no Santa twee, Santa twee'. AJ looked at Scott pretending to not understand the fuss – asking the boys don't you want breakfast and they were having none of that pwesents, pwesents daddy Santa came, Santa came. AJ gave a confused look and asked why Santa would come, there was no one on the nice list that lived here and the boys protested – we nice all da time and Santa knows that. Caleb stated boldly `Daddy you and Scott naughty – loud yelling in your room'; AJ stifled a laugh and said that is just playing around, just like you and Conor this morning trying to wake us up you were noisy too. Ok then why no pwesents for you and Scott under the twee? Conor yelled – cause they old, down Scott, down, please. Daddy not fair, down please Caleb half scolded.
The boys were free and ran right for the Santa tree. AJ was about to tell them to wait for Mimi, Papi and JR when they saw them sitting in the media room waiting on everyone. AJ and Scott greeted everyone; AJ told the boys they could open the Santa presents and stockings only after they made sure to get stockings to everyone there. The boys tore into the gift and were so excited that they got new puzzles, some play dough and the best part was the police car and fire engines they both received. AJ asked the boys to see the card that Santa left for each boy; Caleb told his dad there was no card and Conor with a bit of attitude – said here daddy, there was a card Caleb just naughty. Before a scuffle could occur, AJ scooped both boys up and gave them a kiss and told him he loved them bunches and directed Caleb to his card that got left under the tree diffusing any retaliation between the identical little boys. As Caleb went to retrieve the card – Conor stuck his tongue out and AJ grabbed it before he could get it back in his mouth and quietly whispered to him – Santa is watching for next year, do you think that was good boy behavior. Conor shook his head and ran to his brother and gave him a big hug and kiss; all was right again with the boys. Caleb gave the card to his daddy; off he and Conor went to play with the police cars and fire engines.
Evelyn leaned over AJ's shoulder kissed his cheek and told him he was a very good dad and the boys are lucky they wound up with him. AJ squeezed her arm and just said – thanks for that mama. As she stood up in her most motherly voice told the young men that they should finish getting dressed before the rest of the presents should be opened, suggesting a little concealer to Scott for his unfortunate bug bites. JR and JJ laughed out loud with JJ stating to the boys as his wife of nearly 50 years headed for more coffee – did you honestly think she wasn't going to say something to you about not having shirts on. AJ yelled over his shoulder as he headed for the pajama top – if you would have been really good grand parents you would have changed diapers and we would not have been rushed out of our room. Evelyn retorted – I raised you better and JR agreed – Scott knew better too.
AJ and Scott decided that they would shower quickly and get dressed. A quick rinse and as they were drying off, there was banging on the door from 4 little hands – Daddy huwwy up, Mimi said we had to wait for you, huwwy please. AJ chuckled and yelled – 5 minutes boys and we'll be there. They dressed quickly in jeans and t-shirts and headed to the family room with wet hair which AJ knew would be a nit from his mom. When they headed for the kitchen JR said – your coffee is in here. Scott sat and as AJ went to sit, his mom reminded him – youngest passes presents; AJ sat on the couch next to Scott and proudly stated – `Caleb your up buddy, start passing presents'. Caleb looked at his dad like he had 2 heads and said in a bit of a panic – I can't wead and started to cry. AJ jumped up, scooped up his son and blew belly farts saying daddy was teasing you; why don't you, me and Conor do the honors since we have a bunch of old people here with us – Conor chimed in Scott not really old, just a little. AJ rolled on the floor with the boys laughing hysterically – Scott threw a pillow at his boyfriend, which just made the 3 laugh even harder.