This story is a complete work of fiction. This does not imply that the sexuality of any character is this story is in question. Understand? Good. Now enjoy the story.
"Look Into the Mirror of Your Soul. Love and Hate are One in the Same. And you'll Hear a Voice that Says, 'I Love You, I'll Kill You, But I'll Love You Forever."-Enigma
Whoa. At least two weeks with Nick Carter and his family. This was really strange. Of all the people out there, he was my second-most dream lover. Second only to Justin, that is. Sill, I figured nothing was going to happen, so it didn't matter how much I lusted after him. While we were riding to his home, he tried to make me more comfortable. "So what kind of things you like to do, Ryan?"
"I, uh, like doing karate, RPG's and uh, swimming, I guess."
"RPG's?"
"Video games. Like Final Fantasy Seven and Eight. Stuff like that."
"Video games? Sweet! Let's play some when we get home!"
"Uh, sure." I shrugged. "Why not?"
"Great. My brother's gonna love you!"
"Who?"
"Aaron, my younger brother."
"Why?"
"'Cause he wants someone else to play Nintendo against!" He laughed.
I smiled. I forgot. Not only did I need to get used to Nick, but to his whole family, too. This would be weird. To top it all off, besides my ordinary work, I also had to take a biology course for the summer. What a mess.
We arrived at his house, and no sooner did we step out of the car than my cell phone rang.
"Hello?" Who could it be?
"Ryan? Where have you been?" I stopped. No way. ********************************************************************************
For the months after he called me last, Justin wondered about me. -Is he all right now? I wonder what he's doing?- He didn't really know it, but the others noticed his new behavior.
"JC," Chris began one day while both he and JC were finishing changing after a concert, "have you noticed that Justin seems really, uh, out of it?"
"Yeah. Do you know what's going on?"
"I dunno. He's been acting like this for a while, though."
Joey, who had just walked into the dressing room heard them. "You guys talking about Justin?"
"Yeah," Chris affirmed.
"I've been thinking about that, too," Joey said. "It's really been since Atlanta, hasn't it?"
"Yeah. About two or three months now," JC agreed.
"That long?" Chris seemed surprised. "Why haven't we done something about it? We're supposed to be like family."
There was a knock at the door. They all got quiet. "Come in," JC called. Lance walked in. "Here you all are. What's going on?"
"We're talking about Justin," Chris replied. "You're his closest friend in the group, Lance. Has he said anything to you?"
"Uh, not really," Lance replied. "But you're right. He has been acting a little weird lately."
"Do you think we should go find out what's wrong?" Joey asked.
"I dunno, Joey," Lance replied. "If Justin hasn't wanted to tell us that something's wrong, I think we should respect that and wait for him to come to us," he disagreed.
"But Lance," JC argued, "he's been like this for a long time without telling us!"
"And besides," Chris added, "he started really screwing up today during rehearsal."
Lance nodded. "I can't disagree with you. But if you want to approach him, do it gently, OK? I mean, don't barge in and be like, 'Justin, what the hell's wrong with you?' It'd be a bad way to start things off."
The others nodded sagely.
"Instead, say something like, 'Justin, we know something's bothering you, and we just wanted you to know that we're there for you. We'll support you, no matter what.'" Lance looked at them, his green eyes blazing. "And if you DO say something like that, you had better mean it, or both of us are gonna know that you're lying, and that's gonna be a big problem. Understand?"
"Sure, Lance," Chris placated him. "What are you getting so worked up about? We're doing this for Justin's own good, aren't we?" He, JC and Joey turned to leave.
"I've heard that before," Lance muttered as he, too, left and followed them to Justin's room at the hotel.
They got to his room fifteen minutes later and JC knocked on his door. There was no answer. "Maybe he's asleep already," Chris supplied.
"You might be right," JC agreed. As he turned to leave, he heard what sounded like a sobbing sound from inside Justin's room. Shocked, he jerked upright.
"What is it, JC," Joey asked, concerned.
"Did you hear something," Lance nearly begged.
"Yeah. I think so," JC replied as he turned the knob and opened the door.
Justin sat at the little coffee table in front of a laptop. His back was to the door and it seemed as though he were staring out at the stars. Except for the fact the computer screen was brightly lit and Justin's face was in his hands, of course.
Lance looked over Justin's shoulder and read what was on the screen:
"He opened the box carefully and gasped with what he saw inside. It was a ring, made of two pieces of metal intertwining together until you couldn't really separate the two. One was a strip of plain platinum, but the other was platinum with .5carat sapphires all along the strip. There were easily about 40 of them. And along the outside of the plain band, there was some more engraving. Justin pulled the ring close to his face and read the engraving, his eyes widening and filling with tears. He started to cry and dove into my shoulder, dropping the ring next to him on the couch. He started to kiss me passionately and hugged me like he would never let me go.
"'Well, what does it say?' Lance wanted to know.
"Brittney, the one sitting closest to where Justin put down the ring, picked it up and read out loud, slowly and with a catch in her voice: 'Justin, I love you more than life itself. Without you, I would know only darkness. You have been my light. Please light my life forever. Will you marry me?' Everyone had tears in their eyes and I stopped Justin's kiss. I held out my hand and Brittney put the ring in it. "I slid my right side off the couch so that I was kneeling on my right side and looked at Justin in the eye. 'Justin, will you please marry me?'
"With his eyes full of tears, he smiled at me-a smile so full of love that I nearly melted on the spot-and said, 'With all my heart, Ryan.' I smiled, put the ring on his finger and he pulled me up for a kiss. Both of us were crying, and surprisingly, so was everyone else. When we kissed again, a huge cheer went up from everyone in the room. After a few more minutes, I whispered to Justin,
"'I have one more present for you then, baby.' I pulled out a photo of my newly completed house and showed it to him. 'It's ours. Happy birthday, my love.'
"His eyes widened even more and we fell into each other's arms again."
Lance closed his eyes. "Oh no," he moaned. "Justin... c'mon man, don't berate yourself like this. Justin," he began again.
"Wait a minute Lance," JC interrupted. "What are you talking about?" He leaned in and read the same passage. "I see." He turned to Justin. "Curly, I knew you liked this story, but it's more than that, isn't it?"
Justin nodded slowly. "Justin, are you gay?" Joey asked gently. Justin nodded again, slowly.
Chris sighed loudly. "Why didn't you TELL us, man? Did you think we wouldn't support you?"
Justin shrugged.
"Curly," JC began, "you're our little brother! C'mon, Justin. You should have known that we'd support you. I'm surprised at you! We've never had secrets before."
"I know," Justin croaked. "I'm sorry."
Lance smiled. "See, I told you so, Justin."
Joey turned to Lance. "You knew? And you didn't tell us?"
Lance stiffened. "It wasn't my place to say anything."
"Lance's right, Joey," Chris supported him. "Now we know what's going on with Justin, so it's all good, right?"
"Is it, Justin?" JC asked.
He shuddered. "I'll be fine."
"You sure," Lance asked, concerned.
"Yeah. Just let me..."
"What?"
Justin went over to the phone and pulled my now-crumpled portfolio out of his pocket. He dialed the number and waited. One by one, everyone left. Lance left last, after making sure that Justin was all right. There was no answer. He frowned and dialed the agency. Through them, he got my cell phone number and immediately called it.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Ryan? Where have you been?" he asked.
"Uh, it's good to hear from you, man" I stammered, surprised.
"Who is it, Ryan?" Nick asked.
"Justin Timberlake," I answered quietly and full of hope. Justin called again! He liked me!
"You know Justin?" Nick asked loudly, surprised.
"Ryan, is someone with you right now?" Justin wondered.
"Uh, yeah, Justin. I'm gonna be staying with a friend for a couple of days, or weeks, maybe months. It depends. I'm in Orlando for a photoshoot."
"Cool. We'll be back in a couple of weeks, so maybe you'll still be there and we can hook up and I can show you around a little," Justin said hopefully.
"Sure thing," I answered as nonchalantly as I could in front of Nick. I couldn't show that Justin's call made me this excited, not right there. He might get upset that I really dream of having a relationship with a guy.
"Great!" he replied excitedly. "By the way, can you give me the number where you're staying? I mean, just in case?"
I looked up at Nick, who was waiting patiently at the door. "Sorry," I told him.
"No problem, I know how these calls can be." He indicated his cell phone. "We get them all the time."
I smiled. "Is it OK for me to give him your phone number?"
He grinned mischievously. "Tell him he already knows it!"
I dropped my mouth. "That's so cruel!" Then I started laughing. This would be perfect.
"Justin," I said into the phone, "he says you already know it, so stop pestering me!"
"You want me to call you on your cell phone then," Justin asked, sounding surprised and hurt.
"No, you goof, you already know his home number."
"Really?"
"Yup. I'm staying at the Carters' house."
"NICK?!"
"Yeah. Something wrong?"
"How's he doing? I haven't seen him since the MTV Music Awards!"
"Well, Justin, we just got here. Can you call back in five minutes and the two of you can talk?"
"Works for me," Justin answered.
Nick nodded, "Fine with me."
"Great. Later, Justin," I said as I started retracting the antenna.
"Bye," he said and hung up.
I sighed loudly. "Whoa, what timing that guy has!"
Nick laughed and unlocked the door to show me in. The house was, amazingly, empty. I stared. It was huge! "Nice house," I said in an awed voice.
"It's home," Nick answered deprecatingly. "C'mon, I'll show you to your room."
I followed him up the flight of stairs and on the third door to the left of the hall. "This'll be yours. Hope it's all right." I walked in and looked around. It was large and had a double bed in the middle of it. The room was white, the standard color for guestrooms not meant for anyone in specific. But it was nicely decorated and all in all, I thought it was great, and I said so.
"Good. He showed me around to the walk-in closet and the other door that was more towards the back of the room. "Hope you don't mind, but you're gonna be sharing a bathroom with Aaron and me." He opened it and I stared. The bathroom was ENORMOUS! There was a bathtub large enough for five people to soak in and next to that was a glass-walled shower. There were three sinks on the counter on the opposite wall from the bathtub and shower, and the toilet was off to the side, partially hidden by three walls that blocked it from direct view of any of the three doors that went in. The colors were blue and blue green, almost turquoise, and mixed with the white of the tile and countertop looked extremely nice. Nick walked me to the door that was on the right of my door. "This is my room, and the other is Aaron's. Feel free to stop by whenever," he added, jokingly.
I hadn't said anything, I was so amazed and my thoughts were flooding with interesting images. I was SHARING a bathroom with BOTH Aaron and Nick? This is so wrong! I smiled unintentionally as the images got more and more intense. Luckily, just before my new state of mind could be noticed, the phone rang. "Probably Justin," Nick said.
I nodded and replied, "You get it. I'll start unpacking, and if he wants to talk to me, just gimme a call, OK?"
"Sure thing, man," he grinned. A second later, he was chatting away and I began putting my clothes away neatly in the closet.
I pulled out my new Vaio laptop computer my dad had gotten me before I left for college. In it were all of my stories, ideas and assignments from the previous year. I flipped it up and placed it on the desk. I pulled a phone cord out and noticed that Nick there was a second phone line. I got up and knocked quietly on Nick's open door. He waved me in. "Nick, can I plug my computer into your second phone line?"
"Are you on it all the time?" He asked me.
"Not really. I just check mail a few times a day and do the occasional Instant Messenger."
"Sure, feel free."
"Thanks, man." He went back to chatting with Justin for a while.
"No problem."
I plugged in my computer and opened my favorite scene from my best work ever. I read it again, tears forming in my eyes, just as when I wrote it. There was a quiet knock at the door and startled, I jumped.
"Ryan, Justin wanted to talk to you for a couple of minutes now that we've caught up." I picked up the receiver off the desk.
"Hello?"
"So, how're you doing?"
I leaned back in the chair. "I'm doing all right. It's kinda strange down here, but I think I'll get used to it pretty quick."
"Cool. Ryan, there was just one main reason I wanted to call you..." he trailed off.
"Yeah," I prompted.
"Well, when I read part 9 of your story for the first time, I was listening to the radio, and when you wrote that 98 Degrees sang "I Do," the song came on. It was just really weird, but I just wanted to call and tell you how extraordinarily beautiful that was. I read it every day, and I hope that we can be friends. I thought you were really cool, just a little shy. I just, I dunno. I feel like I've known you for a long time through reading your story."
"I know how you feel, Justin. For a couple of days after I finished, I almost expected you to come home to me, but it just wasn't my plan. My story was mainly to show how truly lonely I was feeling and how much I totally desired a soul mate. I'm sorry that you got brought into it like that. I've always just wanted to be friends with people who are famous. I know that sounds a little...selfish. When I say that, most people think that I want to be friends with famous people in order to take advantage of them."
"I don't."
"Thanks, Justin," I sighed hugely. That was such a relief to hear.
"I don't, either," Nick said from behind me.
I turned, startled that he was still there, but he was sitting on the bed, watching me closely.
I smiled at him. "Thanks, Nick."
"So, anyway," I was addressing both Nick and Justin now, "the reason I've always wanted to do that is that I've figured 'Here are people who are as lonely as I am. Maybe I can help them and make a friend or two in the process.' I grew up moderately advantaged. I'm not rich, I worked hard, and so did my parents in order to provide for me, but we're definitely well-off. And so, I always enjoyed helping people. It made something inside of me...glow. I did a lot of community service and volunteer work, but I just...wanted to help people on even more of an individual basis." I closed my eyes for a second. -Jason, Zach-I thought. "I like it even more when I'm really giving of myself. I just hope you guys all understand that."
"We do," Justin said.
"Thanks again, Justin," I sighed again. Then a thought hit me. "Oh, by the way. The..." I hesitated, looking at Nick, "...scene you were talking about? Well, as I was describing it, I was listening to the radio too, and 'I Do' came on, so I threw it in. So when you were telling me what happened, I got a chill. I just thought it'd be cool to tell you."
"Thanks, Ry. It was cool, and it makes me appreciate it all the more. But I need to let you go. I got a performance tomorrow, and it's late enough already."
"I understand. Later, Justin. Thanks for calling."
"Later."
I hung up the phone and looked at Nick. He had dozed off on my bed. He looked so cute like that. I shook my head. Uh uh. No way should I be having any thoughts like that about my host. It'd start causing problems sooner or later.
I pulled out the first three lines of the new story I'd begun writing. I still couldn't get past my writer's block. After the fiasco of "Devon and I," I knew that I had to be a little bit more careful, but what to write?
"Shit," I muttered. I opened my CD case and put "Jekyll & Hyde" into the CD player. It quietly played, and I sat, contemplating what to do now.
As the music flowed through me, I began to flow into a kata. I closed my eyes and entered the state of mind that I had learned in Tai Chi class at school. I moved in flowing motions and felt the strangeness and discomfort of the new surroundings slowly fade from me.
CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP. The sound brought me out of my reverie. Startled, I tripped and landed with an audible thud. "Wha-?"
"That was really cool, Ryan," Nick congratulated me. "What was that?"
I rubbed my sore face and slowly got up. "Tai chi. I thought you were asleep?"
"Yeah, I dozed off really quick. Sorry 'bout that."
"Uh, no problem. I just didn't want to wake you."
"Don't worry about it. You didn't. I think my mom just got back."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I felt her come in. I've been able to do that since I was little."
"That's kinda cool. You're absolutely sure she won't mind?"
"Don't worry about it." I shrugged as he got off the bed. Sure enough, after only a few more seconds, the sounds of several voices talking at one time wafted upstairs. "Mom!" Nick called.
"Nick?" Mrs. Carter's voice seemed surprised. "You're home so soon!"
"Well," he said as he began descending the stairs, "I was doing a favor for someone at the studio, so I got to leave a little bit early. Oh, and the plane actually landed on time."
"I'm just surprised you weren't mobbed like last time. It took hours to get you out." I could see the top of her head as I slowly went down. "I was so worried last time."
"Well, it started to go, but a friend of mine bailed me out."
"Oh? Who was it?" Now she could see me. "Him?"
"Yeah. Mom, this is Ryan. I invited him to stay with us for a while?"
"What?! Nick, you know how crowded the house is with both you and Aaron back from touring!"
I quietly spoke up, "Mrs. Carter, I don't want to be any trouble. I'm sure I can find a hotel or something-"
Nick cut me off. "-You stay out of this, Ryan. Look, Mom, he saved my butt at the hospital, and he's come down here for a job. I thought that he could stay with us, at least for a while."
She looked at me, thinking.
I grinned nervously. "I know how to cook and do my own laundry," she seemed rather surprised. "I was in college this past year."
"Oh? College? Well, well, well. Nick, you didn't tell me that he was actually and educated one. Not like last time-"
"-Mom!" he said, embarrassed. "C'mon, Mom, what was that for?"
I noticed that he glanced at me and was bright red. -What could she be talking about-I wondered.
"Well, Ryan," she started. "Welcome to the family." She smiled. "And call me Jane, OK?"
"Uh, OK." She smiled. "Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it."
"No problem. I guess I should introduce you to the rest of the family."
I looked at Nick, who nodded. "Uh, sure."
She led me downstairs and into the great room where there were five small heads sitting on the couch and watching television. "They are: Ginger, BJ, Leslie, Angel and Aaron."
"Uh, hi." They all turned to look at me. Damn it was uncanny how closely alike they all looked. Aaron looked exactly like Nick when he was younger, according to the pictures out there.
"Hi, what's your name?" he asked.
"I'm Ryan," I answered, smiling.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Aaron."
"I know. Nice to meet you, too."
"Why don't I let you all get acquainted?" Jane asked nicely.
"Sure, Mom," Aaron answered. Jane shot Nick a look that said "come with me," and he lowered his eyes and followed.
I came over to see what they were watching. "It's Aladdin," Ginger said.
"Cool. I like this movie." I started to sit on the floor to the side of the couch, but Aaron scooted over and made a little room. He beckoned me to sit down and I did. It was a tight fit with the six of us on the couch, and Aaron was literally pressed against me tightly. He felt really good next to me, and I settled in to watch the movie.
"Nick," Jane began, "I don't know what you think you're doing-"
"Mom, it's not what you think," he interrupted.
"Really?" She asked archly. "Nick, how many times have you brought home a new boyfriend? And how many times have you gotten hurt?"
"But, Mom-"
"Listen, Nick, I let him stay, hoping that this time would be different. He definitely seems different than the others, but I'm getting tired of avoiding explaining things to the others. If you keep bringing home different young men, they're gonna suspect things. Aaron already does."
"I know," Nick admitted. "We've talked about it, but don't worry about that. I was trying to tell you that he isn't a boyfriend! He's only a friend!"
"Don't you dare lie to me, Nicholas Carter!"
"But I'm not lying, Mom!"
"I won't have it!"
"Mom, he saved my ass at the airport! He pulled me out of the crowd and he didn't ask for anything, he didn't try to shmooze with us, he did it because it's who he is!"
"Really?" she asked skeptically.
"Mom, earlier today, he was telling Justin and I-"
"-Justin?" she interrupted.
"Timberlake. From NSync. Mickey Mouse Club. Remember?"
"Oh, yes. How did he know Justin?"
"They met at an NSync concert. Justin told me."
"So he was talking to you both?"
"Uh-huh, and he said that no matter what, he always wants to help someone. It's who he is!"
"And you BELIEVED that? Nobody is really like that, Nick, no matter how much we wish it were true. I mean, look at what NSync went through with the lawsuit! Everyone takes advantage of other people in this world!"
"But, dammit Mom, it doesn't have to be like that! He's been very nice and polite and quiet. There is no reason for you to automatically dislike him!"
"You're right, Nick. It's just...I don't want your boyfriend problems again."
"He's not my boyfriend!" "Well, OK. I'll admit he's not nearly as cute as your exes have been."
Nick smiled witheringly, "Thanks, Mom," he said sarcastically as he came back to join us at the couch.