Fraternity Memoirs

Fraternity Memoirs - Part VII

The rain was coming down pretty hard and there was a definite chill in the air. The clouds were low and the ground was soaked and muddy. It was the kind of morning where you just wanted to stay in bed all day, under the covers cuddling with your girl. Except on this morning, I wished that I was cuddling under the covers with a guy, Kevin. Well, not literally cuddling, but I did wish that he were there when I woke up. I was going to miss him. Who else was gone?

I made my way to the fire, what was left of it due to the rain. Sean was standing there, trying to heat some water for coffee. He gave me a 'Good morning Walsh' and seemed just as happy as I did about the rain. It seemed that I was the first one out of the tent. I opened a can of soda and took a chug. Behind me I heard a voice say, "I see you are still with us, Walsh, alright!" I turned around to see it was CJ. Cool, I liked CJ. I had hoped he was still with us. Although he was a dick about it at first, my accidentally cumming on him the Pizza night actually got us a lot closer. He still jokes every once in awhile that he waiting for his revenge.

"You too CJ," I said and gave him a high five. "Kevin quit last night, he never came back to the tent."

"So did Steve, he never came back to the tent last night either," CJ said, "This fucking sucks. No great loss with Kevin though, the conceited prick, but Steve was a great guy."

"Kevin wasn't so bad dude. He and I, of all people, were actually starting to get along. Once you got past his conceited side, he was actually an awesome Dude," I said. Me, defending Kevin?

"How many pins and shit were next to the fire when you went last night?" CJ asked.

"Two," I responded

"There were two there when I went too. Guess Kevin and Steve were the two who quit, unless other pledges quit, after we went. You think anyone else would quit?" CJ asked.

"Don't know. I can't believe that Kevin and Steve quit to begin with. But I guess we'll find out soon enough," I said. We got a bit closer to the fire. I was drenched already and I had only been up for 10 minutes. This was going to be a very long day. The fire was giving off about zilch in the heat department and the rain was freezing.

"Yo Walsh, here comes your roomy," CJ said and nodded his head to my right. I turned around and Matt was making his way in my direction.

"Fucking aye, brother, glad to see you are still with us," I said to Matt and gave him a hug. I was so glad to see Matt. If Matt had quit, I don't know if I could have continued. Losing Kevin was bad enough, but Matt would have been tragic.

"Hell yeah! I was worried about you, but I knew you wouldn't quit," Matt said as he returned my hug. This was the first time that I actually hugged Matt, and to be honest it felt kind of good. I held on for about a second longer than Matt. "God last night sucked being in that tent all alone trying to figure out who else quit beside Anthony. Glad you're still around CJ," Matt said and gave CJ a high five as well.

"Thanks Matt, you too," CJ returned. "Anthony quit too? Fuck, that makes three."

"Three?" Matt asked.

"Yeah. Steve and Kevin never came back to the tents last night either. This does fucking suck. I hope that is everybody," I said. Jesus, who the hell is going to quit I thought to myself?

"Damn, three guys? What the hell? Kevin quit? Kevin's a prick and all, but I never thought he would have quit. And Steve too? Shit!" Matt responded. I felt the urge to defend Kevin again, but what the hell was the purpose? He was gone anyways.

A bunch of the guys started making their way towards us from the tents. Mike, Damien, Evan, Ben, Kevin. Wait a second, what the fuck? Kevin? I felt the excitement in me growing. Holy shit its Kevin! He was wearing a sweatshirt with his hood up, but it was Kevin. I couldn't believe it.

"Look guys, its Kevin. Its fucking Kevin!" I said to Matt and CJ, pointing at him. They seemed a bit surprised at my outward excitement, but they seemed happy themselves.

Kevin hadn't seen me yet as he was keeping his head down I assume to block the rain from his face. I heard someone say, 'Yo Kevin. There's Walsh. He didn't quit.' And Kevin looked up and saw me. I'd have to say that it was the biggest smile on anyone's face that I have ever seen. It made me feel great that he was just as excited to see me too. He looked awesome, even in his soaked sweatshirt.

In seconds we were up to each other and gave a huge hug. It was different than the hug that Matt and I had moments before. It was tight and heart felt, like we hadn't seen each other in a year. "Fuck am I glad to see you, bro," Kevin said. "Thought I might have scared you away, that you quit because of the other day. I didn't sleep a wink last night."

"Man, glad to see you too Kevin. I missed you so much last night, I couldn't believe you were gone," I said. I felt like I was choking up. I loved his tight hug around me. I could feel his strength and it felt good. The hug lasted a few seconds longer than Matt's as well.

"What the hell happened last night? Were did you sleep? I saw your stuff was gone, but I thought eventually you'd be back. But you never came," Kevin said, we had let go of our hug and were walking back towards the others.

"Ditto, man. I slept in our tent but you weren't there. It must have been some kind of a trick, like that wall thing last night," I said. Although I missed Kevin, I didn't realize just how much I missed him until just this moment.

"Bro, how scary was that? Jumping off that wall? I thought I was gonna fall," Kevin said.

"Yeah, me too. I was telling my legs to jump, but they just wouldn't move," I said laughing. Not so much at the wall jump, but kind of intoxicated by my happiness of Kevin still being with us.

"Ha ha. Mine neither, bro. So you think that last night was a trick? You think that nobody quit?" Kevin asked.

"We'll find out in a second, but I think not. I mean, you're here, so I have the feeling that so will everyone else," I answered.

Sure enough, everyone was there. They had tricked us. At some point in the night, they had put up another 9 tents and separated our stuff. The pins, books and demerits were extras. We were led to the tents in blindfolds, so we had no idea that some of us were in different tents. I didn't even realize when I left this morning that the tent that I was in was in a different spot.

Everyone was ecstatic to see each other, especially the assigned pairs. Everyone was hugging each other and giving high fives. The trick had worked and fooled us all. It was such a great idea and made all of realize just how important we were to one another. Even those that previously didn't get along, like Kevin and I. We just had to be shown it. It was one of my favorite moments of all of pledge season.

The rest of the day pretty much sucked. The Brothers had a tarp going off their tent so they stayed nice and dry. But the rest of us had to eat in the wet and cold. The rain was relentless. Luckily we didn't stay for too long. But we didn't leave until we had done a bunch of chants in the rain, along with about 100 pushups and 100 sit-ups in the mud. We were all freezing and soaked and muddy. It took us forever to break down the camp and clean up. All the stuff was packed in the cars when Kevin asked me to ride in his car. If you remember, the night that Kevin and I got in our fight was the last night that I rode in Kevin's car. I was touched. I was still afraid of what had occurred between us, and how to address the issue, but still wanted to be next to him, if that makes any sense. I was going to ride with Matt in Damien's car. Matt seemed disappointed when I told him that I was going to ride with Kevin. I told him to ride with us, but wasn't a fan of Kevin and passed. I felt bad, but I figured that we could talk about it later at the dorms.

The ride back was kind of quiet. I though that everyone would be talking about the events of the weekend, but perhaps being soaked dampened everyone's mood. Perhaps everyone was exhausted. I fell asleep rather quickly, so for all I know, they could have talked about it. I didn't open my eyes until we pulled up on campus. I love when I can sleep a two-hour car ride away.

As an interlude to the story, a few of you indicated your anticipation for what the condoms and lube were used for. Keeping true to life, unfortunately, they were never used. We were told by Sean that they were going to replenish the Frat House Supply and that all the Brothers thanked us

I looked at the clock in Kevin's car. It was 4:00 PM. I couldn't wait to take a shower and get some good food. Before we left camp, the pledge masters had told us that we were to find an open lounge in one of the halls for a meeting at 7:00 PM. They had their Brother Meeting at 8:00 but wanted to meet with us for an hour before hand and would give us instructions for the night's activity.

Matt and I went right to our room. It felt great to be home again. We dropped our stuff immediately, grabbed two towels, soap and shampoo, and headed straight for the showers. We passed a few guys on the floor that looked at us like we had 10 heads. I guess we looked like hell being soaked and muddy. I guess some people think that what we are putting ourselves through for 'acceptance' was idiotic. Sometimes I agreed with them, especially lately. But they didn't know the half that they were missing. But that's a debate that has been going on for years.

Matt and I peeled our wet and muddy clothing off us in front of the sinks and mirrors. Both of us examined ourselves in the mirror. The hair that was shaved was starting to grow back and my crotch area was itchy. I noticed that Matt was scratching like crazy. I wasn't sure if it was the scratching or what, but Matt's dick was growing. So was mine. I couldn't help but sneak peeks at Matt as he was checking himself out. He was doing it rather thoroughly, lifting his balls, turning around and looking at his behind in the mirror. Matt had such an awesome body. I imagined myself shaving Matt Friday night and sleeping with him in the sleeping bag. My dick grew even more. I was afraid that someone was going to come in the bathroom and see us in front of the mirrors naked and shaved, so I grabbed my towel and headed for the shower. I also didn't want Matt to see that I was getting a chubby and I hoped the warm water would settle little Johnny down a bit.

I turned the water on real hot and jumped under the spray. The hot water felt awesome running over my body, very therapeutic. I just stood with my head under the water with my eyes closed for like 5 minutes. Eventually I heard the shower next to me start and Matt said, "Damn, this feels great!"

"Hell yeah," I responded. I took my head out from under the spray and looked at Matt. He was standing with his back to the showerhead, his head tilted back and under the running water. His eyes were closed. We must have been taking some seriously hot showers because the shower was filling with steam quickly. I followed the mud as it rinsed off Matt's head and made its way down his body. Matt's body was not over-worked-out, but just enough to be bulging. His dick was fat but not erect, hanging at about 4 inches. Nice thick legs. The water just rolled off his now hairless body. I couldn't help but stare, I was mesmerized.

I don't know if Matt felt my eyes burning him or what, but he suddenly turned his head my way and opened his eyes. I freaked inside. My first instinct was to look away but I decided that would infer that I was doing something wrong. Better to play it off in another direction.

"God, it looks so funny to see you, everyone, shaved. It feels funny too. Your hair starting to grow back, itchy?" I asked Matt, hoping that it would make him think that I was only checking out his 'hairlessness'.

"It sure does. It's starting to feel a little stubbly and real itchy. It was fucked up that they made us shave each other. Just my luck that I had to be stuck with the hairiest guy of the group," Matt said. My diversion seemed to work. He stuck his head under the water again and closed his eyes.

I had to keep my attraction someplace else, so I grabbed the bar of soap and started lathering myself up. I sort of half turned away from Matt so he couldn't see that my dick was getting harder. What the hell was going on with me? I'm throwing wood at my roommate in the shower. My sexual desire was in overdrive. I needed to find myself a girl to screw soon, hell, even jerk off if I have to, to stop thinking about guys.

"That was fucked up. First time that I was ever that close to a guy, like touching one, ya know? And then the sleeping bag shit and the oil. Matt, can I ask you a serious question?" I asked. I wanted to talk to Matt desperately about what happened Friday night. I was going to leave the BJ part out for now. I just didn't know how to pose the question. I had most of myself lathered up, just finishing up my feet.

"Sure Walsh, what's up? Before you ask though, can I borrow you soap? I forgot mine by the sinks," Matt asked. Now, I realize that people share bars of soap all the time, no biggie. But given the circumstances, us standing next to each other naked in a shower, about to discuss the acceptance or non acceptance of guy sex, I was shocked at his question.

"Soap? You want to borrow my soap?" I asked, fumbling for my words. The idea of Matt and I sharing a bar of soap seemed so erotic to me.

"Dude, I don't have the cooties or anything. If it's a big deal, I can go get my soap from the sink," Matt said looking at me strangely.

"No. No, its OK Matt, I just didn't hear what you said," and I handed him the soap. I passed the lathered up soap bar to Matt, our hands touched for a second. I was starting to shake. Why the hell was I so nervous? All he wanted was to borrow my soap. Chill out John, you're freaking yourself out! I watched Matt as he started soaping up his upper body. I had to look away, I was getting dizzy.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Matt asked. I saw from the corner of my eye that Matt had his arms up and was washing under them. His back muscles stretched. I was chickening out. I lost all confidence to have this conversation with Matt, especially in the showers. I felt like I was going to pass out from the heat of the shower, the steam and my nerves.

I turned to lower the temperature of the shower. It felt a bit better, but I decided I wasn't going to have this conversation with Matt yet. It would have to be over a few drinks, maybe many drinks. I decided to go in another direction, but still something that was really bothering me. "Around the fire, Saturday night with Adam and Sean, how close were you to quitting?" I asked Matt.

"Didn't even give it a thought," Matt said as he washed his legs. The water was hitting his back and rolling down and over his ass. I was definitely checking out my roommate and he was doing for me what only girls had previously done, making me horny.

"Really? I contemplated leaving. Then they had to go and use the quit word. It wasn't that I wanted to leave, I'm just tired of all this. You know what I mean?" I said, looking at Matt, but concentrating on his face.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Just think though, we're almost halfway done. Don't lose sight about the benefits bro. Think of all the pussy we're going to get when we are wearing those letters," Matt said in excitement. Did he forget that both of us were doing quite all right in the pussy department before ever deciding to pledge? Did we really need the letters for that reason? But it seems that lately I was checking out the dick department more than the pussy department. That was my issue, Matt. Why is this happening? But I didn't say that.

"I know, I know. But half way through? We could still have six weeks left, or more. I don't know if I can make it that long," I said.

"Dude, you're just a little down from the weekend. You don't want to quit, I know you. You'll get a good night sleep tonight and be ready to go in the morning. And if you ever think about quitting, I'm going to kick your ass. So don't think it ever again," Matt said. He had done soaping up his body and was rinsing all the soap off.

"Thanks Matt. I'm glad that we are doing this together. I can't imagine what it would be like if you didn't pledge," I said, kind of emotionally. I really meant it.

"No problem man, Trust a Brother. I'm here for you, you're here for me. We can talk about anything dude. We got to help each other get through this. Is that all that was bothering you? You were really quiet on Saturday," Matt said with concern.

"Basically, I just feel like I'm changing, you know what I mean?"

"You seem the same to me bro. I'm sure we've all changed a bit, but I don't think you are any different. Just don't be hanging around with Kevin too much. You'll start getting all conceited and shit. Listen, can you do me a favor? You mind soaping my back up a bit? I can't reach it all and I feel like I still have slimy baby oil on my back," Matt said, assuming I would because he was already passing me the soap.

I took the soap from Matt's hands. I decided to dodge the Kevin comment as I didn't want him to become a topic. Matt had his back turned to me and moved up real close so that he was practically under the shower with me. I stared at his back for a few moments. What was he doing? Did he have any alternative purpose here? Or did he want me to just wash his back? Maybe I didn't get away with my stare before? Maybe he was testing me? Maybe Matt was just as horny as I was? Maybe I was thinking this out way too much.

I brought the soap to Matt's skin. I didn't spend too much time on it, I was really freaking out. His skin was real smooth. I noticed the few freckles that he had on his back. I could feel the strength of his back from working out. I couldn't keep my mind off imagining Matt in the sleeping bag with me. I felt my dick getting harder. I had to stop. I quickly finished Matt's back and passed the soap back to him. I turned my back to him so that he couldn't see my hardening dick.

I guess Matt assumed that I wanted him to do my back since I turned around from him. I felt his hand touch me. I could have sighed but I held back. It felt amazing having Matt wash my back. But only for a moment before my heterosexual side took over. I tensed up and couldn't enjoy it. I was afraid. Not of Matt, but afraid of myself for enjoying Matt's touch and it being an erotic moment to me when he had no idea that I was hot to his touch. This was all too much for me to handle. What the fuck was going on with me? Matt ran the soap over my back a few times and then passed the bar of soap back to me, over my shoulder. I had to leave the shower. I quickly washed my hair and got out. Matt followed me out of the shower about a minute later. I didn't even look at him.

We went back to the room and got dressed. I felt much more comfortable and myself when we were both clothed. I wondered if since I shower with Matt everyday, was I going to go through this sick feeling each time. God, I hope not. Although we were exhausted, we were hungry too. We went down to the cafeteria and had some food. We took a nap for a while and slept till the alarm went off at 6:30. Before napping we had reserved the lounge on our floor and called the pledge masters to let them know. We also started the phone chain amongst the pledges to let them know.

Matt and I walked in to the lounge about 5 minutes to 7. Adam and Sean were waiting for us. We made small talk about something and everyone else filed in. I saw Kevin come in, but he sat in the back with a few of the other guys. It kind of hurt that he didn't even acknowledge me. When everyone was there, Adam and Sean began. They started off by congratulating us for a successful camping trip and that although we could have done better with our individual quizzes, they thought that we all learned the lessons of the weekend well. Always remember to trust a brother, yadda yadda yadda.

On to business, the reason for tonight's meeting was to go over some events that needed to be planned. As a pledge class we were expected to hold two functions, a fundraiser and a charitable event. We had a week to come up with our ideas and present them to the pledge masters. Typically, prior pledge classes collected around $1,000, so we should plan something that would pull in that amount. The money would be donated to out national charity. We were also told that we were to begin the interviewing process. Each of us was required to interview each of the Brothers for a minimum of a half hour. They passed out index cards that we were to record the interview on, have the Brother sign it and turn them in each Sunday evening. Hell Week would not begin until every pledge had interviewed every active Brother. There were 67 active Brothers this semester and 10 inactives. The inactive Brothers didn't have to be interviewed, but for every 5 we got, a demerit was taken away from us. Up to this point, I had 7 demerits.

The event for the evening was that there was no event. We were given the night off to rest. Everyone cheered at the news. Of course, pairs were still in place. Otherwise, we were free to do whatever we wanted. Sean and Adam left for their meeting. A bunch of the guys left to hang out with their girlfriends. Those of us that didn't, hung around in the lounge for a bit. A couple of the guys wanted to go back and rest, but Dan had an idea that all of us liked. Dan, if you remember, is the one that lived locally with his parents. His parents were away for a week and he was home alone. He suggested that we go over to his house and hang out for a while, drink and maybe watch a movie or something. Although we weren't supposed to drink without a Brother, we figured that we wouldn't get busted. It had been a long time since any of us just relaxed and drank. We were sold on his idea.

So Matt, Kevin, CJ, Damien, Evan, Ben, Mike, and myself jumped in a car and went over to Dan's house. His parents must have had a lot of money because his house was huge and beautiful. His father was the Superintendent of Schools and his mother was a doctor. His father had a refrigerator full of beer in the garage. Dan told us that we could drink as much as we wanted, but we had to replace it before his parents got back. Dan had a few bottles of vodka and tequila that was his own, which we could drink as well.

Dan put on some tunes and we just hung out chatting for a little while, just shooting the shit. A few of us went to Dan's porch and smoked a fat joint with Evan. I was pretty stoned. We went back inside and talked for a while. At one point Kevin got up and went to the bathroom. The guys started talking about him and how surprised they were that he was hanging out with them and actually being cool. They all said that whatever I did to turn him around, I had better keep it up. They had no idea what they were asking me to do.

Kevin had pretty much been on my mind since we got here. I was surprised that he came as well. The only reason that I could come up with why he came was that he was looking to have a little fun again tonight. I was nervous about it and I wondered how I was going to handle himm, and do with him, if anything. But at the same time, my balls were aching for another blowjob. So far he was being real cool. Yet, he was actually being a bit distant from me. He hadn't said more than two words to me all night. Maybe Kevin had his fill and was done with me. I wasn't sure if I liked that or not.

After about an hour and 3 beers, Matt suggested that we play a game of Chandeliers. Everyone was in. I'm sure that everyone knows how to play chandeliers, but if you don't, just know that when the game is done, everyone is wasted. You could easily go through a case of beer in a half hour. We had gone through almost a case and had to get more beer out of the fridge. I hadn't gone yet to get any beer, so I got up and went to the garage. I hadn't stood up since we started playing and I probably drank 7 or 8 beers already. I had a problem walking straight and realized that I was kind of drunk.

The light in the garage was off and I couldn't find the switch. But with the light shining in through the door I could make out the fridge straight ahead and against the wall. I made my way to the fridge and opened it. Jesus Steve's dad liked beer. The whole thing was stacked with beer. I grabbed a half a case and closed the fridge door. I turned to leave and Kevin was standing right there. I jumped and almost dropped the beer.

"Fuck Kevin, don't fucking do that," I said. I was scared for two reasons. First, the obvious one, he had startled me in the dark. Secondly, I was scared at what he was doing here. Why had he followed me? Was he going to try something? As nervous as I was, my dick started getting hard at the sight of him.

"Walsh, I need your help with something, I have a plan. These guys are all pretty wasted and I want to find out if any of them have ever fooled around with a guy before. Maybe find out if anything really happened in the tents. You want to help me?" Kevin said.

"Umm, yeah, OK Kevin," I responded. "What's your plan?"

"You ever played a game called 'I Never'? You go around the table and each person says 'I never something', like 'I never had sex on the beach'. Anyone who has had sex on the beach has to take a drink. Got it?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, I got it. So what do you want me to do?" I asked, excited at his idea. Leave it up to Kevin to come up with an idea like this.

"At some point, after we go around a few times, I need you to say 'I never had sex with a guy'," Kevin said.

"I don't know if I can say that Kevin. Why don't you say it?" I wanted to find out what the other guys were going to say, but I didn't want to be the one asking.

"If you say it, and the guys don't react, I can drink and be like 'right, you guys have never been with a guy'. But if I say it, and then try to get something out of them, it will look like that was my purpose. Know what I mean?" Kevin said, dazzling me with his smile.

"Gotcha. I guess I can do," I said, not really wanting to do it, but how could I say no to Kevin. He was standing right in front of me and my body ached for his touch. Touch me Kevin, please touch me. I couldn't ask him. I wouldn't allow myself to. It wasn't that I necessarily wanted sex from him, I just wanted his attention. I wanted him to want me.

"Cool, just follow my lead, I'll let you know when it's a good time to ask," Kevin said and turned to leave. He never touched me, or came on to me. I was pissed. I wanted his attention, and he didn't give it to me. What was up with that?

We made our way back to the table. Kevin stopped in the bathroom and I continued the table. About 30 seconds later the toilet flushed and Kevin came back in. We played Chandeliers until we finished the beers that I had brought in. Everyone was pretty wasted, starting to slur our words.

"So you guys want to play something else?" Kevin asked the group.

"Sure, what you want to play Kev?" Matt asked. Matt was not a big drinker and I could see in his eyes that he was feeling no pain.

"How bout spin the bottle?" Kevin asked while laughing. I never could have said something like that. I was amazed by Kevin's forwardness, yet no one seemed to notice. Guess no one knew what I knew, so to them it was just Kevin being a wise-ass. I envied his self-assurance of his sexuality, yet complete chameleon approach.

"Pass," Matt said directly, but not like he was shocked at the suggestion.

"How about I Never?" Kevin said.

"That would be cool," said CJ and everyone agreed.

"I have a rule that will make this more interesting. If somebody drinks on the I Never, they have to tell the story about what happened and allow us to get to know each other better. Good idea?" Kevin said.

Again, everyone agreed. Dan got up to get more beer. These guys had no idea what Kevin was setting them up for. I was excited at the prospects. My dick was tingling and ready for what could happen. At the beginning, the typical stuff was said, like I never smoked crack, I never jerked off at work. But after a few rounds, it started getting more sexual, like I've never been tied down during sex. Everyone drank to that one and told some crazy tales. Not me though. Although I thought I had a pretty healthy sex life, I was beginning to learn that it was very innocent compared to some of the things these guys had done. I was the next to go and I saw Kevin giving me eyes to ask the question now.

I stumbled on it for a while, ready to ask and then too afraid. I pretended that I couldn't think of anything to say and that I was thinking it out. I was too embarrassed to say it. I wanted to hear the answers, but I couldn't gather enough confidence to come out with it. Finally Damien says, "Come on Walsh, ask a question or pass!"

"OK, ok. I never, umm, I never," I saw Kevin looking at me like 'say it, say it', "umm, I never fooled around with a guy." There, it was said. I was relieved. Everyone's face sort of dropped. Not scared, more like 'how am I going to answer this question'.

I saw everyone look at each other around the table. There was silence. Either no one wanted to omit it or no one had. I watched Kevin lift the beer to his mouth slowly and take a sip. All eyes were on Kevin as he did so. Eventually, other guys brought the cans to their mouth, Damien, CJ, Evan, Ben and Mike. I kept a close eye on Matt out of the corner of my eye, but didn't actually look at him. Matt didn't make a move for his beer. I was disappointed. Neither did Dan. The tension in the room was thick. I couldn't believe that a few of the guys drank. I have to admit that I didn't drink. Not that I was trying to hide, I was just so wrapped up in everyone else. I was growing hard in my pants. Something had to be said and it was Kevin who did so.

"Alright. I realize that I made the rules here, so I'll go first. But what is said at this table stays at this table, agreed?" Kevin said. Everyone shook his head in agreement. Kevin was such a devil, posing himself as the martyr when he was the one who set this whole thing up.

"OK then. (pause) Well, until a few nights ago, I wouldn't have taken a sip. But on Friday night (my heart stopped beating, I knew what he was going to say) when Walsh and I were in the sleeping bag together, we kind of got off on each other," Kevin said.

That fucker had me set myself up. I was so pissed. He was lying. Well, he was telling the truth, but I wasn't his first. Or was I? Did Kevin set me up in the tent with his whole bi story? I'm sure that I turned the color purple. Everyone's eyes came off Kevin and turned to me. I felt like crawling under the table I was so embarrassed. It was the last thing that I expected. I was angry, but I was at a loss for words. I brought my hands up to my face and hid behind them. It was all that I could do. I was even more humiliated since Matt didn't raise his beer and drink. What would he think?

Kevin continued, "To Walsh's defense, it was mostly my idea. I mean, like when I was in HS, we jerked off together and shit but we never touched each other. I don't know what came over me the other night, but I was just horny as hell, oiled up and against his body. And given the circumstances, we just had to get off." He left it at that. I had my hands buried in my face the entire time, shaking my head. I couldn't look at anyone. Thanks for the defense Kevin, but I was still an accomplice.

Damien spoke next (Damien is the v-ball player). He admitted that when he was in Community College, he had heard a few guys talking about great blowjobs they got in the basement floor bathroom of one of the academic buildings. He was curious so he went to the bathroom. He saw a guy coming out of one of the far stalls zipping up his pants. He wouldn't make eye contact with Damien. Damien made his way to the stall the guy just came out of. He got in the stall and saw that there was a hole between them. Above the hole it said 'insert dick here' and under the hole it said 'for a great blow job'. He said that he was scared as shit, but horny as hell. So he pulled down his pants and his dick was already hard. It was his first time doing such a thing, but he stuck his dick through the hole and got the best blowjob ever. He didn't frequent the place, but he went more than once. He admitted that the first few times he tried to convince himself that it was a girl behind the wall, but deep down he knew that it was a guy.

Listening to Damien's story, I was hard as a rock. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I had never heard of such a thing. But it totally turned me on. I took my hand away from my face and looked at Damien. He was looking into his beer as he spoke. But he wasn't done. He said that since Kevin was so honest about what happened in the sleeping bag (yeah right), and he knew that I had pretty much seen the aftermath, he admitted that Evan and himself had jerked off with each other in the sleeping bag. All eyes moved from Damien to Evan. I didn't once look in Matt's direction.

Evan (pot head) kind of looked down himself and told his story. Yes, Damien and he had jerked off together. They were both so horny from not getting any in a while that they decided to get off. But when he was in High School, he used to go skiing with his best friend's family every weekend. There were always a hundred people in the house up to go skiing, and his friend's mother wanted them to have the beds. So he and his friend had a queen sized futon that they always shared. One night Evan woke up to the feel of his friend playing with Evan's dick. He was going to say something, but it felt really good so Evan pretended that he was sleeping. The guy jerked him off till he came, cleaned him off and put Evan's dick back in his underwear. This happened week after week and Evan never said anything. One night his friend started sucking his dick and it felt awesome. Evan had to look so he opened his eyes and his friend saw him looking and knew Evan was awake. He finished Evan off, but again nothing was ever said. Evan said that it was kind of a weird situation, but both of them, when they woke up, pretended like nothing ever happened. After that it wasn't as constant as it was before, but every few weeks he would wake up to his friend sucking or jerking him off. Evan admitted that a few times he felt bad, so he jerked his friend off, but that was it. Then Evan got a girl friend and he stopped going skiing. He was still friends with the guy, but to this day, they still haven't discussed what happened.

I was blown away. I couldn't believe that these guys had been with other guys. I was dumbfounded, but hard as a rock. I guess Kevin was right, I was the odd one out, not including Matt and Dan. There was kind of silence for a minute, no one wanting to fee up next. Kevin asked Ben what his story was.

Ben (baseball player) didn't seem as ashamed of his tale as everyone else did; he kept his head up and looked at everyone as he was speaking. Ben had a gay cousin that was 3 years older than him. His cousin was out to everyone and Ben said that he was a real cool guy. One night his cousin came over to Ben's while his parents were away. Ben was 17 at the time. His cousin brought over a case of beer and they drank it. Ben had never drank before. Ben's family had a swimming pool and they decided to go swimming. His cousin convinced him that they should go skinny-dipping. Ben said that he was pretty wasted. His cousin kept on making slight moves on him and that Ben was hornier and hornier. Eventually Ben decided to give in to his cousin's advances and wound up in his bedroom and his cousin gave him a blowjob. Before Ben came, his cousin came off him and asked him if he had ever had anal sex with a girl before. Ben said that he hadn't and his cousin said that he wanted Ben to fuck him. Ben wasn't sure at first, but he decided that he had gone this far, why not do it. He said that it was the tightest thing he ever felt around his dick. He didn't last long, but he came like crazy. He said that he and his cousin would get together every once in awhile, only when Ben was drunk. Then Ben got girl friend and he stopped messing around with his cousin.

Oh! My! God! I was astonished. Ben had fucked his cousin. He fucked a guy! He never mentioned if ever let his cousin fuck him, or if he ever actually touched his cousin's dick. I wanted to know more details, but I was too shocked to speak. From the look on everyone else's faces, they appeared to be just as shocked as me, even Kevin's face. I think that Kevin wasn't expecting to find all this out. But he seemed in his glory. I was too. My dick was hard as steel and pressing against my pants.

Ben finished off by saying that nothing happened between the three baseball players in the tent Saturday night. They were exhausted from the day, playing baseball, riding up to the mountains, doing the trust walk and then the shaving ritual. He mentioned that it was pretty fucked up that none of us gave them any warning. So by the time they got in the sleeping bag, they were beat. And although it was uncomfortable with three guys in the bag, they just fell asleep.

CJ was going to go next, but he said that he needed to have a beer first, so he got up for a second and went to grab some more beer. As you recall, CJ had a pretty big dick and it was obvious when he got up that he was sporting some wood in his pants. I don't know if anyone else noticed, he was moving pretty fast. We remained silent while he was gone, everyone deep in thought. I still hadn't looked at Matt.

CJ came back with some beers and passed them out. I was wasted, but I took another one. CJ went on to share his story. Last year, when he was a freshman, the team was up in Vermont for a swimming match. They had won the match and were sleeping over one more night before heading back the next day. A few of the guys were hanging in a hotel room drinking some beers. They had gotten pretty drunk and ran out of beer. No one could drive so CJ said that he would drive. It was late, like 1:00 AM. He drove a bit and finally came upon a bar. He went in, but they didn't sell beer to go. The place was empty, a couple of guys and girls getting ready to leave. They were closing up. CJ went back to the car, but realized that he forgot his keys on the bar. He was walking back up when the other people were leaving. The bartender was locking the door but opened it when he saw CJ. CJ told him that he forgot his keys inside. He let CJ in and locked the door behind him. The bartender made some small talk and asked CJ if he wanted a beer while he cleaned up a little.

CJ said yeah, so the guy poured him a beer. CJ has a fake ID, but the bartender never asked for it. The bartender looked about 25 years old, normal looking out of college guy. They talked for a while as the guys cleaned up. CJ had a second beer. Eventually the guy poured himself a beer and sat next to CJ. They started talking girl friends and sex. The bartender asked CJ if he had ever had sex with a guy. CJ said he should have known right then and there to leave, but he was horny as hell and wanted to see where this was going to lead. He was nervous but excited. CJ told the bartender that he had jerked off with a few guys before watching porn, but never any contact. The guy put his hand on CJ's leg and told CJ how hot he thought that he was. The Bartender said that he had a girlfriend, but liked to fool around with guys too. He asked CJ if he wanted to try it. CJ told us that he was nervous as shit, and wanted to leave, but he wanted to cum. The guy reached for his crotch and found that CJ was rock hard and he rubbed CJ's dick through his sweatpants. The guy said holy shit, your dick is huge and asked if he could see it. CJ said he was proud of his dick, so he stood up. CJ told us that he was just wearing sweatpants after swimming with no underwear. His dick was sticking straight out causing a 9 inch tent his pants. The bartender dropped to the floor and pulled CJs pants down to his ankles and worshipped his dick. He was giving CJ the best job of his life. CJ told us that he was shaking like a leaf he was so nervous but the BJ felt awesome.

CJ went on to say that he was getting close to cuming when he heard a lot of knocks on the window. They were out of sight, but the banging continued and was louder. The bartender got up and peeked around the corner. He told CJ that he thought his buddies might be here, there was like 10 college guys out front looking in the window. CJ freaked and pulled up his pants and came up behind the bartender and looked himself. It was the swim team. CJ told us that he pretty much went berserk. The bartender calmed his down and said not to worry. Just tell them that you were hanging out. They won't know what happened. But that he had better do something with his dick, it was still rock hard and pointing straight out. CJ told us he lifted his dick up and under the stretch band of his sweatpants and came out by the window. The guys looked pissed. The bartender came out and opened the door. The guys came in and started yelling, where the fuck you been? You been gone for two hours! They thought he was dead on the road or something. They were driving around and finally saw the car parked out front. CJ had to think fast so he told them that he came here to buy some beer, but the bartender was an older brother of one of his HS friends so he was just shooting the shit. He had no idea that he was gone that long. He said that the guys went along with his story, but they left immediately. CJ said that his dick never went down the whole ride back to the hotel and that he had to go into the bathroom and finish himself off.

I was at the end of my seat at CJ's story. It appeared that everyone else was too. "Wow, that was close, CJ," I said. The fact that he was talking about a blowjob from a guy seemed to escape me. I mean I knew it, but I was more fascinated by how close he was to getting caught.

"So anything happen in the tent?" Damien asked. I was surprised at his curiosity. Perhaps he wanted to know that he wasn't the only one besides Kevin and I to get off that night.

"Well, to be honest, no," CJ said. "Both Brian and I were boning pretty hard, and I thought that I was never going to get any sleep. But Brian just laid there still with his eyes closed. He didn't even talk. I mean, it not like I was attracted to Brian or anything, its just that it felt so warm and slick under there and once my dick gets hard, its like impossible to get down unless I cum. But I wasn't about to ask Brian to help, if you know what I mean."

We all shook our heads in agreement. Mike went next. We had two Mikes in our pledge class. One Mike was a sophomore on the baseball team with Ben. But that Mike stayed behind in the dorms. This Mike was a cool guy. Mike was a freshman. He was a tall dude, like 6'3". He played basketball in high school, but like some of us, not good enough to play college ball. Mike was a good looking guy, dark black hair. He was on the skinny side, but naturally broad due to his height. Mike and I eventually became really good friends, but I hardly talk to him anymore.

Mike said that he and one of his best friends when he was a jr. in HS used to watch porn together. At first, nothing happened. But then one day they layed on top of each other with their clothes on and sort of rubbed their bodies together. It felt really good and both of them came, but under their clothes. This went on a few more times. One time, his friend suggested that they get down to their underwear and do it. Mike didn't really see any harm, so they went for in and came that way. It become their new practice and they were doing it once or twice a week. Eventually the practice led to doing it with no underwear and they were doing it more often, like three times a week. They never had sex, including blowjobs, but they would jerk each other off sometimes. After about 4 months or so of doing this, he said they both eventually grew tired of doing it and they just stopped. Regarding the tent, he said that he shared this tale with Steve (who was in the sleeping bag with Mike), that both of them had this very discussion we are having right now. Mike made it a point to say 'that although he was straight', he and Steve reenacted what he did in high school, rubbing together until they both came.

Kevin looked surprised. He was the one who woke Steve and Mike up. Guess they somehow got it past Kevin. So that was everyone's tale that drank at 'I never fooled around with a guy'. I was truly amazed. I guess Kevin was right, there really isn't much wrong in getting off with a guy. I mean, after all, these guys did. I was leaking pre-cum in my pants I was so hard and turned on by these guy's stories. I didn't want it to end. I wanted to hear more. I guess Kevin did too, because he continued the conversation.

"So Matt, Dan, you guys didn't take a sip. You guys never fooled around with a guy? Ever?" his voice was kind of condescending, almost as if he was accusing them of lying.

Matt spoke up first, "No man, I never have. I mean, a few of us on the football team used to watch porn and shit together. There were a few times that we pulled out our dicks and compared sizes and shit. One guy jerked off in front of us once. But we never touched each other or anything. I know some guys who did though. Me, I was just never into it."

I was disappointed. It wasn't so much that I was looking to get off with Matt, although I had thought about it lately. I just wanted to know that Matt maybe had the same experience and confusion that I did, and that he got out of it OK. But at least Matt was exposed to it and didn't seem to be bothered that pretty much everyone else did.

Dan was real short about it. "Nope, never fooled around with a guy." That was it. I wondered if he was hiding something. But maybe he was just like me. After all, before Friday night, I had never been with a guy ever. And if you were comparing stories, Matt's story was worse than mine. I never even watched a guy jerk off before pizza night. I suddenly discovered that maybe that is why I was so 'enthralled' by all this. These guys had subjected themselves to getting off with other guys years ago. They experimented, but got over it. Me, I was a few years behind, never experimenting in high school, and this was my experimental period now. Maybe I would get past all this. It was just so new to me. Regardless, I was hard as a rock still and needed to go jerk off or something.

Kevin got up and grabbed a bunch of plastic cups and the bottle of tequila. He poured up 9 shots and passed them out. "To trusting a Brother, what was said here remains here," Kevin said as he raised his glass.

We were to take the shots, but Damien had one more thing to say, "Wait a second. What about you Walsh? I didn't see you drink, but Kevin says that you two helped each other out camping. Was that your only time?"

I had just calmed down and was ready to move on and do the shot. Not like I needed the shot, I was already pretty fucking wasted. I cringed at Damien's question. Fortunately, I had nothing to tell. But I also had to fess up that something happened in the sleeping bag. If Matt wasn't around, or had fessed up to something himself, it wouldn't have been so bad. I was mostly concerned about what Matt would think. Would he treat me differently?

"Umm, yeah, just that one time with Kevin. Before that, I never did anything," I looked at Matt as I said it, as if I was pleading my case to him. He was looking back at me. He seemed to be OK with it, he didn't look disappointed or anything. And yes, I lied. It wasn't one time with Kevin, there was the second time, when he sucked me off. So much for trusting a Brother. But I didn't want to omit that.

"Alright then, to Trusting Your Brothers!" Damien said and threw the shot back. We all followed suit.

Everyone seemed to relax a bit more after the shot. Everyone was plastered. We talked about getting home, but no one was sober enough to drive. We decided that we would spend the night at Dan's and get up early enough to go back to our rooms, take a shower and be in the student center by 8 AM. It was around midnight. Dan suggested that we try calling one of the guys, in case the pledge masters were looking for us. We all thought it was a good idea. Dan walked away to make the phone call. The rest of us just hung around talking about something and still drinking beer. Dan came back and said that he got Jacob on the line. All was cool, they hadn't heard from the pledge masters all night.

We probably hung out for another hour or so. Most of the guys, like Matt, slowly passed out on the floor and couch. Eventually it was only Kevin, Dan, Evan and I left awake. Dan said that he was going to bed. If the rest of us wanted to sleep upstairs in the bedrooms, we could. We all decided to go to bed and followed Dan upstairs, after quickly cleaning the downstairs up. Matt pointed a bunch of rooms out. He would sleep in his parent's room, Evan could sleep in his room, Kevin sleep in his brother's room and me to sleep in the guest room. We all said good night and went into the respective rooms.

I took off my shoes, socks and pants, leaving on my boxers and t-shirt. I usually sleep in boxers only, but being a guest in a strange bed, I figured it was polite to sleep with my shirt on. I crawled under the covers. The room was spinning, I was that drunk. My mind was all over the place. I couldn't believe what I had heard tonight. All these guys having sexual experiences with another guy. I felt rejected by Kevin. First of all by him setting me up just like everyone else and announcing to the class that we hooked up in the tent. I understood why he did it; he wanted to get everyone else to admit it too. But he could have done it another way.

Second, he pretty much ignored me the whole night. He made feel so special and significant over the weekend, but today like I wasn't even around. I felt used and abused. I guess part of that was my fault. I did distance myself from him. But I really wanted his attention and affection, I wanted him to make me feel special again. I was so confused.

My mind went back to the stories that I heard tonight. They were so intriguing and erotic. I liked CJ's story the best. It was anonymous sex, a random blowjob by a stranger. What a hot account. I pictured in my mind CJ in his sweatpants with his big dick sticking straight out, the bartender on his knees. But I knew the bartender. It was Kevin. My mind had put Kevin in the Bartender's role. I envisioned Kevin pulling down CJ's sweatpants and going down on him. I was rock hard and hornier than anything. I started jerking off to the image of Kevin sucking off CJ.

I didn't want to jerk off. I wanted to be with Kevin. I wished that Kevin would knock on my door. 'Come on Kevin, please come into this room', I prayed. Please make me feel the way you did over the weekend. I was desperate for his presence, his touch, his caress, his attention, his smell, his body, his mouth. I was actually aching for him. Should I go to his room, I wondered? No, I couldn't do that. Its one thing to fall into temptation, but to seek and ask for his attention was another matter.

I tried closing my eyes, but I couldn't get Kevin off my mind. I started to get up, but then lied back down. I wouldn't allow my to go looking for a BJ from another guy, no matter how good it was. I debated it in my head for a few minutes. I eventually got up off the bed and paced the bedroom, back and forth. Going for the door, and then turning around. This was insane. I had to make up my mind, either go for it, or go back to sleep.

I went to the bedroom door and slowly opened it and peered out into the hallway. It was dark and quiet. I was shaking but my mind had been made up. I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind me. I tiptoed to the door that Kevin was in. Should I knock? No, someone might hear the knocking and wake up. I stood outside his door for a second. Are you going to do this or what? I asked myself. It was now or never. I took a deep breath, grabbed the doorknob and slowly turned it. I saw that the light in his room was on. As I opened the door the bed came into view. There was Kevin, lying on the bed buck-naked. I found his face. He was awake and smiling. Jesus Christ, he looked amazingly hot and my dick was instantly hard at the sight of him.

"What took you so long Walsh? I was beginning to think that you weren't interested," Kevin whispered. He was waiting for me. I guess he knew I couldn't resist him.

I closed the door behind me and made my way towards the bed...

To be continued...Let me know what you thought alt76frat@yahoo.com