Genderqueer Sex - Part 1
Long-time reader, first-time writer, so please be gentle. Let me know what you think by emailing eli_6969@yahoo.com. I'm not sure if I'll continue the story, it depends on what sort of reaction I get. If you'd like to hear more, let me know!
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My name is Sam and this is the story of my first exposure to dick. I'm genderqueer. I was assigned female and when I was in my thirties I figured out that the label "woman" really didn't work for me, so I started transitioning. I'm now 42 and I've changed my name and pronouns (I use they/them), had top surgery, and been on testosterone for a few years. I've only been in relationships with women, but since my 20's I've recognized that there was something about men's nude bodies that I found very appealing. I hear it's not unusual for women, straight or lesbian, to be turned on by two guys getting it on. I think it's something about erect penises being such an obvious sign of arousal. I also appreciate that I have to worry less about unequal power dynamics when all parties involved are men. Yes, of course, age, race, trans/cis, ethnicity, and so on, still create hierarchies, but for me, at least, it's easier to find porn that I can just masturbate to without getting caught up in the other stuff when it's two dudes.
The changes that have come with taking testosterone (or T for short) have been pretty wild. One of the first things I noticed is that my sex drive went through the roof! I actually had to devote mental energy to managing my sex drive. Like, I needed to be sure I woke up early enough to rub one out before I left in the morning and that I got to bed soon enough for another round before falling asleep. I've been a serial monogamist since I started dating, with one failed marriage in my early thirties. I was dating someone when I started T and we had a hell of a good time! Riley and I always had great sexual chemistry which was enhanced as my libido went up. Another change with T is that my clit got bigger. I knew this was coming, but experiencing it was really cool. I basically sprouted this tiny dick! It's got a head and flesh that moves back and forth on top. It gets hard when I get horny and twitches when I come. Unlike some folks who take T, I still get really wet when I get turned on, too. I love swiping those juices around my diclit (what I call it now) and using it to jack myself off. Riley had dated people with penises, so she knew exactly what to do with it. I fucking loved watching her between my legs, her long chestnut hair pulled back in a ponytail so she could watch me watching her. She absolutely worshiped my diclit. She made love to it. Sometimes she'd treat it like she would a cis guy's dick, licking up and down from base to tip, suckling and nursing it, sometimes she'd use the flat part of her tongue to smash it down hard against my public bone and drive me crazy! Oh, and it's been SO much easier for me to cum since starting T, too! And I can still come lots of times in one sitting. Anyway, Riley and I had a great time together, but we did eventually break up. She's dating a great woman now, but Riley and I are still close.
Another sexual change that's happened with T is that I've found myself more and more interested in dicks....and men...but also women with dicks...and nonbinary people with dicks...I guess it's really dicks that interest me. I've been finding myself navigating to bisexual porn and erotic fiction. I love reading about and seeing people with dicks be sexual. It really doesn't matter what kind of genitals the people they have sex with have, I'm really just interested in the dicks. Well, to be fair, I really love boobs too. I did NOT love my own, but seeing them on others, playing with them, sucking on them, rubbing my diclit on them, having a nice big erect nipple in my vag....mmmmm, yeah, boobs are awesome. And, of course, vulvas are fucking amazing, but I've always thought that. I love the mystery, the discovery that comes with sex with a person with a vulva. Yeah, you can tell some things by looking, but to really know a vulva you have to explore, use your hands and your mouth and your tongue to feel the folds and creases and crevices. Pull things apart, squeeze them together. And the sounds a wet vulva make, oh my god, the squishing and squelching and lapping. Yeah, so I guess dicks are a fairly new addition to my sexual interests, which makes me more of a generalist that I had been, before.
My sex drive became more manageable after the first year or so on T, but I'm still turned on more often than before. So, here I am, in my early 40's, not partnered, horny, and spending a lot of my sexy time reading and watching and fantasizing about dicks...in addition to the boobs and vulvas that have always turned me on.
I live in a medium sized city and am an anthropology professor at a small liberal arts college. There's not a very big queer community here so the dating options aren't plentiful. I draw a hard line when it comes to relationships with students, especially because we only teach undergraduates. I don't actively avoid relationships with colleagues, but it's just never come up...before now. I often work in the coffee shop on campus. It's got a good energy and there's a table that's pretty secluded. The baristas all know me and usually give me free refills, which is a nice perk. I also get to do some prime people watching. The beginning of the semester is a great time to do that as there are often new faces.
It was a Tuesday morning at 11:45, peak time for traffic, and the breezeway was bustling. I was trying to finish reading an article that wasn't really holding my attention, mostly because it was hopelessly flawed methodologically, when I heard a lovely, baritone voice with a slight, but noticeable German accent order a "large coffee, black". I looked up and saw that the voice was coming from a dashing man wearing a fashionable button down with a floral pattern, skinny checked tie, slim, well fitting pants, and expensive shoes. He had a messenger bag slung over one shoulder with a plastic tube also hanging off his shoulder. He wore clear glasses and pulled a slim micro-wallet out of his front pocket to pay for his drink. "Architecture, definitely." I thought. I had gotten pretty good at guessing what department folks came from. It was hard to tell how old he was, his hair was black with just a little bit of grey peaking through in spots. He was clean shaven. Maybe late 40s or early 50s? Maybe younger? Although the shop was crowded and he was carrying a lot, he moved with confidence, not bumping into others but still being efficient. The barista called for 'Peter' when he approached the counter to pick up his drink. He didn't stop for sugar or cream, walking right out the door after flashing a warm smile at the person who made his drink.
Because we are a fairly small institution it's easy to keep up with things like new hires. I vaguely remembered the architecture department scoring a great win in their latest hire. This must be him. He came in as a full professor and had a great reputation for working in the field, publishing, and teaching. There was something controversial about the hire though, I remember it was a tricky negotiation and they almost didn't get him, but I can't quite recall why... Ah, well, nice to notice some eye candy!
Days later I found myself still thinking about Peter. I had fantasized about him while masturbating more than once and found myself searching for porn with German guys. Most of it was pretty standard stuff, but it didn't really include much talking, which is what I was hoping to hear, to get a reminder of that enticing accent... When I added "verbal" to the search terms things went south, fast and still didn't satisfy my desire to hear his voice and his accent. The porn I searched was gay, I liked imagining him with another man and watching the two of them ravish each other. I needed to talk to someone about this, so I texted Riley:
Me - So I've got a serious man-crush... Riley - Oooo, what's he like? Me - Average height, slim build, dark hair, German accent Riley - You've always been into accents Me - Yeah, I think he's the new hire in Architecture Riley - Oh, so he's someone you may have a chance with? Is he married? Me - Uhhhhh, don't know Riley - Well, was he wearing a ring? Me - Don't know, didn't check Riley - Seriously?!? But I'm sure you could reconstruct his outfit from memory Me - Naturally Riley - So are you into him or do you just want to look like him? Me - maybe both? Is that a new height of arrogance? I'm basically saying I want to have sex with myself Riley - You've masturbated thinking about him already Me - yeah, a lot Riley - find any suitable porn substitutes? Me - none :-( Riley - gotta run to a meeting, see you at rehearsal Thursday? First one with the new conductor! Me - she's an INTERIM conductor, but yeah, see you then!
Riley and I met singing in choir. Neither one of us are professional musicians, but we both love singing and have been doing so for most of our lives. In addition to having descent sounding voices we are both good at sight reading, which paved the way for us to sing in the very selective Chamber Choir, which is composed of "avid amateurs", music educators, and professionally trained musicians most of whom make a living doing something other than music. Last season our artistic director moved and the board, of which I'm a member, had hired an interim AD for this year because we didn't want to rush the search and hiring process. The interim AD's name is Sarah Hampton and she has an impressive resume. In addition to conducting and singing she's also a composer. I should have been more excited about meeting her and starting the year, but I was having a hard time getting used to the idea that our old AD was gone.
Normally I'd arrive a good 15 or 20 minutes early for our 7:00 start time, but because I teach on Thursday afternoons, I walked in about 5 minutes to seven. The chairs were set up and folks were milling around chatting when I heard BJ's piercing wolf whistle and her voice from across the room "Who's that hottie prof walking in here? It must be Dr. Sam, what's up doc?" When I first met BJ she was an 18 year old baby-butch who had just moved away from home and behaved like she invented butchness, complete with misogyny and objectification of women and femme folks. She also fancied herself irresistible to people of all genders and set her sights on me, mostly because I called her out on her BS. She was, in fact, incredibly attractive with her soccer-toned body and silvery clear soprano voice. I'd never let her know that, of course. She's also wicked smart and a critical thinker, so it wasn't hard to show her the errors of her ways. After giving her a few things to read (thank you Teen Vogue and Everyday Feminism!) she took some Women's and Gender Studies classes and ended up switching majors. Over the years her flirting persisted, regardless of either of our relationship statuses, but got more playful and fun.
She sauntered over and I greeted her, "Looks like you've spent some time outdoors lately, were you coaching all summer?"
"So, you noticed...?" She grinned broadly then continued, "Yeah, back-to-back soccer camps for the last 6 weeks." She leaned in for a hug. When I put I arms around her I noticed how solid she felt, she had definitely toned up.
"And somehow you didn't injure yourself?"
"I've been doing more weight training lately, Which has been great for preventing injury. You've probably already noticed, the other befits, huh?" She said as she turned to highlight her noticeably rounder ass.
"Don't flatter yourself!" I said, but I could feel myself blushing.
She leaned in again and whispered in my ear, "Ya know, doc, I'm 24 now, the age difference doesn't seem that important, does it?" and placed a lingering kiss on my cheek. I stayed a moment longer than necessary, pulled back, smiled and playfully swatted her (very solid) bicep "Get to your seat, BJ, rehearsal is stating." She walked to the front row to find her spot and I enjoyed the view.
Looking back on things, it's funny what I remember about that first rehearsal with Sarah. Picking up the music before rehearsal I was intrigued at the diversity of composers and styles she had included in our repertoire. When she introduced herself and talked with us she struck me as very young and almost awestruck at getting to work with us for a year, we had a really good reputation as a choir. Warm-ups were pretty standard, but when we started working through the music I saw her natural leadership and musicality come through.
I always stay a little late after rehearsal to stack chairs and make sure the room is tidy. After chatting with several of the singers Sarah approached me while I was cleaning up, "You're Sam, right?" she seemed hesitant, uncertain.
I piled the last few chairs on top of the stack and smiled at her. I was genuinely happy after a few hours of singing, but I also wanted to put her at ease, "Yeah, that's me! It's good to meet you. I'm sorry I couldn't be part of the interview process but I was traveling this summer. I think tonight was a really good start, though."
"Yeah, I do too, everyone did great with the music. You're such good readers! I'm really looking forward to this year. I was deliberate in programming music written by women and people of color, this choir is so well known, I think it's a great way to get some of these lesser-known composers and pieces the visibility they deserve."
"I was so excited to see the repertoire and really appreciative of how up front you were about how you made your choices!"
"Do you think the choir is on board with it?"
"There are definitely some traditionalists who believe nothing will ever be as good as the same, tired, pieces that have been sung for centuries. These are the same people who grumbled when we adjusted performance attire to be more gender-inclusive and stopped calling the sopranos and alto "women" and the tenors and bases "men." Sarah nodded, knowingly. "But they'll fall in line, you're the AD, what you says goes. And with some explanation and time they've come around to the changes in attire and language."
"I was hoping to talk to you about some of the repertoire. You see, in some other choirs I've directed, singers got upset about cultural appropriation. I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to only program music by dead white guys."
I chuckled, "Yeah, that's a big question that a lot of artists are thinking about. It's not easy."
"When I was interviewing this came up and some of the board members said you'd be a good person to talk to."
"Absolutely. I've got a few things to read I can send your way, first, but I'd be happy to talk, too. We can go through the pieces you've picked and think about different approaches."
"That sounds really good. I'm still getting settled in town, but I'll send you an email?"
"Definitely, I'll keep an eye out for it!"
Sipping my red wine I glanced down at the text messages that had been accumulating on my phone:
Her - Be honest, are you telling me you didn't feel something? Me - You're attractive, we've established that. Her - and there's chemistry between us Me - yes Her - i want you, you want me, this doesn't need to be complicated Me - famous last words... Her - alright, ground rules then. let's start with tonight, see how it goes, zero expectations for more. after tonight if both of us want another... Me - rendezvous? Her - perfect, rendezvous, then we take it from there Me - no expectations about seeing or not seeing other people Her - none Me - safer-sex always Her - always Me - come over, now, before I change my mind
Two strong knocks pulled me out of my reverie. I had to force myself to slow down and walk even though my libido was screaming for me to run. My boxer-briefs were already wet and my diclit was getting hard. It had been a while since anyone other than me and my dildo were involved in my sex life. I opened the door and she stepped in and kissed me, on the mouth, I easily opened my mouth and welcomed her tongue in. I've known BJ for years, I know what it feels like to hug her, her frame is familiar, the feel of her lips on my cheek, I'd even come to expect the smell of her shampoo, as she often came to rehearsal right after going to the gym, but this was altogether different.
I pulled back and opened my eyes, I hadn't even realized I was closing them, and saw her grin. "I'm so glad you said yes, this is going to be awesome."
"You want a glass of wine?" she crinkled up her nose, "or there should be a few beers in the fridge, too." She went to the kitchen to get one and I followed her.
"Why do you keep it so hot in here?" she said as she peeled off her soft grey hoodie to reveal a faded blue t shirt. Her shirt pulled about halfway up her torso in the process, revealing her softly rounded belly and smooth skin. I dragged a finger along her bare mid-section and pulled her in for another kiss. When we parted we were both grinning,
"It's all part of my plan to get you out of your clothes." BJ took off her shirt and unclasped her bra to reveal to lovely, pendulous breasts that swayed gently after being released as she sat down on the couch in the living room
"Well let's go then!" It's easy to forget how well endowed she is, because she's almost always dressed so casually. I straddled her thighs, pushed her shoulders back, and took her left nipple in my mouth, kneading the other gently with my hand. I felt my vagina getting even wetter. She moaned in appreciation of me nursing her. I released my mouth and started kissing my way up her chest, to her neck and ear.
"If this goes the way I think it will we're going to need to make some plans."
"Yes, right, you're right. Ok, the last person I was sexual with was Jenna, a girl I met over the summer. I got tested in September and I'm still negative for everything they tested for, including HIV. No symptoms of anything, either." I slid off of her lap to sit next to her on the couch.
"It's now the end of November, you mean to tell me you haven't been involved with anyone since the summer?"
She laughed, "I mean, I've had to beat them away with a stick, but grad school keeps me busy!"
"Well, I've been exclusively enjoying the reliable company of Randy, my vibrator, for about a year now. My last test also showed I was negative for everything, too. A while back I tested positive for HPV, but have been negative for several years since."
"Didn't you get vaccinated?"
"Too old"
"Ahhh, right. Well, I did get the vaccine, so I'm good there. So it doesn't sound like we need any barriers, now that we've finally gotten over the biggest barrier, your hang-up about my age" which she said while pulling me in for another long, wet kiss. Our discussion about safer sex seemed to amp up the desire in both of us.
"God, your breasts are amazing." I said as I transitioned from suckling one to the other, her continuously running her fingers through my hair. Then she shifted her thigh to between my legs and lifted it to rub my crotch. I moaned at the sensation, pushing down against her muscular leg. The seam of my jeans was rubbing through the cotton of my underwear across my throbbing diclit. "Fuck, I'm so wet."
"Don't keep that all to yourself." she gently pushed my shoulders back, creating space between us, reached down to my waist and pulled off my white t-shirt and sweater all in one move. It seems she got distracted before making it to my pants, though. "Mmmmmm, look at all that hair" she said running her hands in circles over my chest "and damn, looks like I'm not the only one who's been working out." she said as she ran her hands down my biceps and nibbled on my shoulder. She moved her mouth to my chest and started kissing right between my pecs. "You've even got some definition here."
While her mouth was exploring my chest her thigh was insistently applying pressure to my crotch. As much as I enjoyed humping her, I was getting impatient. I stood up, reluctantly backing off of her leg, and took both of her hands, "let's go, we need more room." She followed me into my bedroom, "Ooooo, the inner sanctum, I've never been here before"
"I keep the whips and chains in the basement, now shut up and take off your pants" I said, smirking, as I played with her succulent breasts (god I do love breasts).
She countered with "Why don't you do it for me?" I raised my eyebrows, intrigued, and reached down for her waistband while I continued kissing her. I groped around her mesh athletic shorts looking for her underwear. I had actually spent some time imagining what she'd look like in her underwear. I had a sense she'd probably wear something sold in the men's department, my fantasies often had her in sleek, black boxer briefs. I loved imagining what they'd look like peeking up over the waist of her pants, a slim black boarder just hinting at what they encased. I looked down to see if reality matched my fantasy, and saw no underwear waistband at all. I pulled the shorts away from her body to confirm and saw only flesh and the outline of pubic hair.
"Damn!"
I could hear the sensuality in her voice "though you'd like that." That put me over the edge, I couldn't take things slowly any more, I slicked her shorts down and over her socks and sneakers and ordered "shoes off." She toed them off deftly. I crumpled to my knees and dove into her luscious vulva. Her pubic hair was a bit darker than the dirty blond hair on her head. The hair around her lips was matted from her wetness and her crotch smelled amazing. She stayed standing, spread her legs, and shifted her hips forward to give me access, grabbing a fistful of my hair. It was an awkward angle, so I had to tilt my head back to reach her lips and clit, but I loved pleasuring a standing partner. I reveled in supplicating myself to her, being below her, my knees on the floor, searching out her core. She must have sensed my need for this, because she brought her other hand down and pushed my mouth into her crotch
"You love this, doc, finally getting your mouth on me, yeah, you're so fucking desperate for it." She emphasized the "doc" playing with the juxtaposition of me, her elder, her mentor, giving myself to her in this way, focusing everything on pleasing her.
"Mmmmmm" I hummed into her body, both in response to her words and to stimulate her more. I had been desperate for her, desperate to have my mouth on her, desperate to supplicate myself to her, but to still retain the power of adding or removing stimulation when I wanted
"Fuck yeah, eat my cunt...damn you're good at this!" I reached up with my long middle finger and found her opening, easily slipping it in, with all of the fluids she was producing and I was adding with my mouth. I slowly moved it in, enjoying the feel of being inside of her. Feeling her softness and wetness. Our finger tips are so sensitive, it was so erotic exploring BJ's cunt, feeling the inside of her.
"More, I need more of you in me." I pulled slowly out and repeated my slow entrance, adding my index finger. All the while I continued using my mouth on her clit and her lips. Occasionally swiping my thumb across her clit, to change up the pressure. I wasn't particularly coordinated with my left hand, but I was so turned on I needed some stimulation, so I unbuttoned my jeans and reached down to play with my diclit, swirling around in my own juices, rubbing my lips. BJ was getting frustrated at the limitations of our position and pulled away from me.
"I need to lie down." She noticed me touching myself, "and I need to see you naked." I stood up, kissing her stomach and sucking on a nipple on my way. I left my right hand on her vulva, playing in the folds and wetness, and began kissing her again. Her hands were at my waist, unzipping my jeans the rest of the way, then grabbing my underwear and pants on my hips and moving them down. She had to break our kiss to get them off, and once she did she wasted no time in feeling me up.
"Holy shit, you're drenched, you're practically dripping!" Her touch on my diclit and folds and wetness was electric. Her ease, her familiarity, despite the fact that she had never touched me there before, was such a turn on.
"Mmmm hmmmm, I'm really fucking horny."
She was was completely at ease with me and loved sex, and it showed. She used all five fingers, starting at the outer edges of my sex and moving in together, meeting at my diclit, then starting all over again. "Both of the other trans folks I've been with had a hard time getting wet."
"Fuck that's good, damn...yeah, I'm lucky to still get so wet, but I've got plenty of lube just in case." I had to stop her explorations of me, because I was getting distracted and I wanted to focus on her. I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her back. She took a few steps back, sat on the bed, scooted up to the top, and laid her head on the pillow. I took a moment to take in her raw sexuality, then slid up next to her, attached my mouth to her left breast and resumed fucking her with the index and middle finger on my right hand. She grabbed the sheets with her left fist and squeezed while moaning.
"I want your diclit, I want it on me, get on my thigh." I drew my right leg over her, pushing my hard little member into her hip and dragging it across her thick, strong, smooth thigh muscle the whole way.
"Oh fuck, that's good." My diclit was stone hard and sticking out, pushing my body into hers felt amazing. I left a trail of juices on her leg and immediately started humping her. I knew I was getting close, since I was young I had to be moving to cum, I couldn't just be a passive recipient. I used my own humping movements on her leg to drive my fingers inside of her. "More fingers, add another" she panted, and I added my ring finger, making a triangular phallus to fuck her with. "Yesssss" then she bent her right knee, pushing harder into my sex, increasing the pressure, We found a rhythm, both of us moving, both of our hips straining to meet the other, to get more, to feel more, to minimize the time apart.
"Fuck, just keep fucking me, I'm so damn close." I could only grunt in return. I looked up and saw her breasts sliding in time up and down her body, her eyes closed, and her mouth open. I reached up and devoured her mouth with mine, forgetting my own humping but concentrating on the connection between her mouth and mine and on fucking her with my hand, making sure to rub her clit with palm on the upstroke. We started to lose our rhythm, her thrusts getting more erratic and urgent. I pulled my fingers out, focusing on staying with her body as it bucked and rubbing her clit. Our mouths clung together desperately. She finally pulled away to say "Fuck yeah, I'm cumming" as she continued humping my hand and grunting and moaning. I stayed with her, as best I could, and as she settled down I stopped rubbing and gently laid my hand over her sex. In all of the action I had slipped off her leg and way laying next to her, body to body. I was gently kissing any part of her body I could reach, her arm, her shoulder, her ear, her neck, when she turned to me.
She grinned broadly and said "we're not done yet" while puling me on top of her and bending her knee again. I was surprised at how easily she maneuvered me, she really was strong. "I know you love my tits, doc, why don't you give them some more attention?" She cupped both breasts and offered them to me. I reached my body across hers, increasing the contact between us, and sucked on her left breast. At the same time I started humping her thigh again, which was insistently pushing into me. I took my time with her breast, now, really feeling her hard nipple, totally erect in my mouth, using the tip of my tongue to trace the aureola and then across the sensitive top. With my hands I played with her breasts, feeling the softness and the weight of them. I would have liked to continue this exploration, but every time I started slipping my hips to the side BJ brought me back on top, grabbed my ass, and encouraged me to hump.
"Fuck me, doc, we'll have time for other things later. I know you were close a minute ago, and I want to see your cumming face." We both laughed. I moved to her right breast and just latched on, putting me in a better position to hump her leg. She inched it up, again, bending her knee even more, and I groaned. My diclit was achingly hard and wet, nursing on BJs tits and feeling her hands roaming my body just added to my hotness. Finally I couldn't take it any more, I release her breast, put my hands on the mattress to hold myself up, and focused entirely on humping her.
"Yeah, that's it, fuck me, fuck me doc, get your nut, you're so fucking close aren't you?'
"yeah"
"I know you are, I can feel your dick on my leg, it's so fucking hard, you want this so bad"
"mmmm hmmmmm"
"You spent the day with Sarah, you're all hot from that. Being so close to her, but nothing happening. I bet you imagine her and her man fucking, don't you? Does she tell you about it, about sex with him?"
"Fuck yes, she tells me everything, EVERYTHING, I imagine it's me instead of her."
"Yeah, you taking his German cock, it rubbing against your dick, that would be so fucking hot to see!" The image of Peter rubbing his cock against my diclit put me over the edge, I fell into a hard, wet, stunning orgasm.
"Yes, yes, oh Lorde, fuck yes!" I put my arms around her back and pulled her chest into mine, while desperately humping her leg. My diclet was pulsing wildly as my cunt thrust against her. Eventually I stilled, resting my body on top of hers, with my head in the crook of her neck, breathing hard, her hands rubbing gently over my back and ass.
After a few minutes of quiet BJ said "Damn were good at this!"
I chuckled, "Yeah, we are, aren't we?"