I ONCE WAS LOST-CHAPTER 2 By YOUNGDAD
THE USUAL DISCLAIMERS APPLY HERE. IF YOU AREN'T OF LEGAL AGE (18 IN MOST AREAS) THEN PLEASE LEAVE. THIS STORY MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF SEX BETWEEN MALES. IF THAT BOTHERS YOU THEN PLEASE LEAVE. ALL TRADEMARKS ARE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. IF YOU ARE STILL READING THIS THEN...PREPARE TO ENJOY AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY.
(RECAP)
I raised the gun, pulled the hammer back and raised it higher. I closed my eyes and then, a loud noise, a searing pain in my arm. I opened my eyes but I couldn't focus. Suddenly everything went black.
(THE STORY CONTINUES)
The next thing I knew I woke to the sounds of beeps and bells. I struggled to open my eyes but finally managed it. I had trouble focusing but I did. Everything was still kind of blurred.
I tried to swallow and couldn't. What was this thing in my mouth, going down my throat? I tried to touch it but couldn't move my arms. I glanced downward and saw that I had been restrained and one of my arms was bandaged heavily. My legs were tied to the bed as well. I thought I heard a man's voice, then again. I couldn't see him. He sounded young. Was he talking to me? TYLER? I looked all around the room then-PAIN! OH GOD MY ARM! I blacked out again.
The next time I woke up I was able to stay focused a little better and I could actually distinguish shapes and everything! A young guy, maybe early twenties came in. He smiled when he saw I was awake.
"Good afternoon Jesse. How are you feeling?" he stated in a friendly tone.
I just nodded my head. Hell that's all I could do. I wasn't able to speak thanks to that tube down my throat.
"Good, I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm Will and I'm your nurse for the evening. Dr. Redding should be in shortly, he's making his rounds now. I bet you can't wait to get that tube out can you?"
I nodded again. He chuckled as he walked around the bed, checking the various monitors and looking at the bags of fluids hanging on a pole beside the bed. He drew the curtain around my bed to block the view from the hallway then he put on some latex gloves. He took my temperature and said, "There's just two more things and I'll be done. I need to check your injuries and your catheter.
"JESUS HELP ME" I thought.
Will gently removed the bandages then pressed around the wound on my arm and I winced.
"I'm sorry man but I have to check," he said sweetly but firmly. There was kindness in his eyes but I heard authority in his voice.
He pressed all around it then laid a towel underneath, just before he poured some solution on it. It stung but not too badly then he applied a clean bandage to my arm. Next he took something out of a box and tore the paper away from it. He moved up close to my face and gently opened the corner of my mouth with two fingers, kind of stretching it. He swabbed the qtip-looking thing on it and it burned like a mother! I tried to turn my head but he quickly did it again.
"I'm really sorry Jesse but it'll help that cut to heal."
I glared at him. If had been able to speak I would have cursed that guy for everything he was worth and then some.
"Last thing, then I'm done torturing you," he smiled, "This might be a little embarrassing but just try to relax."
He slowly pulled back the blankets and glanced back up at me. The look on my face must have given me away.
"Don't worry, I just have to check the Foley Catheter to make sure it's still in properly and no infection has set in. I've seen all kinds of penises and yours is no different."
I was embarrassed as hell to have to lay there with tubes coming out both ends, arms and legs tied down, unable to speak and all the while some cute male nurse was fondling my goober. He finished and pulled the blanket back up to my stomach.
"That wasn't so bad was it?" he asked as he stepped over to a pail, tossing the gloves inside.
I snorted and he turned back and smiled at me.
"Yeah, I guess I wouldn't like it either. I wish we didn't have to keep you restrained. You're a cutie," he said with a wink as he opened the curtain and stepped out.
"Oh my God, he called me a cutie." I thought. He was pretty cute himself. I lay there quietly thinking of Will and all the possibilities and then the probability that it wasn't freakin' likely that anything would ever happen between the two of us.
In a few minutes an older doctor walked in, following him closely were what I figured were two interns or at least med students.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Redding and these are Drs. Williams and Eskew," he said pointing to each of them. I nodded my head, they nodded and smiled politely in return. Dr. Redding glanced at my chart and it me.
"Let's see what we can do about removing this tube. I think you'll probably feel better without it now, don't you?"
I nodded in agreement. He patted my leg and smiled as he glanced back down at the chart. He seemed to have a very calming effect. His voice was even and clear. He seemed almost grandfatherly with his solid white hair but his face didn't tell his age.
"I think we can remove the Foley as well. There will be a police officer stopping by in a little while to take your statement regarding what happened the other day. It'll be up to him or her as to whether we can remove the restraints." he stated matter of factly, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Dr. Redding and co. left and I pondered my fate, wondering why the police were involved. Suddenly I remembered hitting Jared. God I hope I hadn't really injured him. I began crying again, softly at first and then harder and my nose began to run too. I couldn't grab a tissue to wipe it on or even my sleeve. The utter helplessness and hopelessness I felt were too much.
Will came back into the room after a few minutes seemingly full of cheer as he hummed a song. He walked right past the bed and up to the box of gloves hanging on the wall. He barely slowed to pull the curtain closed.
"Good news Jesse my friend, you are going tubeless," he chuckled before looking at me.
He glanced down as he snapped on the glove with a "Pop".
"Jesse, what's the matter? Oh gosh, I'm sorry man let's clean you up first."
He grabbed several tissues and dried my eyes for me then made me blow my nose.
"There you go Jesse. That's better. Now, I want you to do just as I tell you do then, you can tell me what made you feel so bad just now."
He unhooked the tube going into my throat. I closed my eyes as he gave me instructions.
"Ok now Jesse, get ready and do like I said. 1...2...and 3! All done man, bet it feels better too."
I wondered if he was always this darn chipper.
"Yeah it does feel better, lots better," I half whispered.
"Don't strain, here have some water and take small sips at first," he said as he held a small cup with a straw in it near my mouth.
"God, that's good water," I said hoarsely. I took another, bigger sip.
"Ok time for the OTHER tube."
He lowered the blanket and I closed my eyes. I really didn't want to watch this.
"Ready? 1...2...and 3!"
"Oh God! I squeaked out.
"What's wrong? Are you in pain?"
"No man, it just suddenly felt like I was going to pee all over myself for a second there."
He chuckled, "That's a normal sensation but I don't tell my patients that."
"You like torturing your patients?"
"Mmm sometimes," he said with a hint of devilment in his eyes.
"I wish the restraints were off."
"Yeah, that's gotta be a bummer man. Anything you want to talk about? It might make you feel better." He pulled the blanket up and pushed the curtain open as he placed his hand on my leg.
Maybe it was because he was a nurse, I didn't really know, but this dude was being really nice to me. He seemed sweet and I felt at ease around him. I started to tell him my story but before I could speak came a voice from a visitor.
"Uh...excuse me, is this Jesse Mayhew's room?" asked a big, young, hot-looking uniformed police officer as he peeked into the room.
"Yes sir, I'm Jesse Mayhew," I instinctively tried to raise my hand to shake his but the combination of the restraint and pain from the injury kept me from doing that. I was raised to be polite and courteous to law enforcement even though this guy probably wasn't much older than me or even Will.
"I'm Officer C.D. Stoneman. I'm here to take your statement and to authorize the removal of these restraints. We don't feel that Mr. Mayhew will be a threat to anyone or himself at this time," he said in a deep, husky voice, almost hoarse.
"Yes officer," replied Will, "Do you need me to stay after I undo the restraints?"
"As long as it's fine with Mr. Mayhew I have no problem with it."
"You can stay Will, I want you to." I think I wanted him there for comfort more than anything, kind of like having a familiar face around.
As Will loosened and removed the straps from my arms and legs, the cop asked me all about the events leading up to my arrest and hospitalization. I told him the whole complete story well, I answered as best as I could. My memory was a little sketchy but the policeman helped fill in the gaps. It seems that someone in the next room was on their balcony and had seen me holding my father's gun when I stepped outside. They had called the front desk who had called the cops. They had been given a key by the older lady in the office. That must have been the clicking sound I heard, I distinctly remembered that.
Anyway, the cops opened the door and I was standing there, bawling my eyes out and holding the gun to my head. I was told to put it down and apparently I didn't hear or didn't want to put the gun down because Officer Stoneman said I was told again. He said the next part was fuzzy because they had conflicting stories from the two officers who actually saw me get shot. He said that after the second warning, I started to lower the gun and I was crying out, "Help me please. Don't let me die."
I turned away from the cop at that moment and he paused. My face got hot and I was suddenly ashamed of my behavior in the motel which led me to my predicament. Will handed a tissue to me and I dried my eyes. I turned back to face the policeman and he continued.
Just as I was lowering the gun I paused and held out my hands and asked "Why", the younger officer apparently mistook that as a threatening gesture and fired his weapon, thankfully only grazing my arm. When the bullet hit me I dropped the gun and fell backwards, onto the bed. He told me if I had been standing 2 feet to my left my head would have crashed into a chair.
I stared intently at him. He never blinked.
I asked him about my parents and my younger brother. He said they had been notified fully of the situation and that my father had stated quite plainly that I got everything I deserved and he hoped I rotted in hell. I was to send a postcard with my address on it and they would ship my stuff to me. I was never to be welcome in their home again. When he told me that, I turned away for the second time of our conversation.
"I'm awfully sorry for you Jesse. I really am," he stated with sincerity, "We get lots of runaways here, mostly teenagers but you don't have to be a kid to runaway. We get adult runaways too, people just wanting to make a new start in life. Myrtle Beach is really a beautiful little town right here by the Atlantic Ocean and people just seem drawn to it for one reason or another. Some are drawn away from it too," he teared up as he said that last sentence.
It was Officer Stoneman's time to turn away then. Will and I both noticed it. He sniffled a couple times and seemed to wipe his eyes on his sleeve.
"Officer, is their something you'd like to share with us?" Will asked softly.
He turned back around to face us and it was clear that something had just moved him to tears.
"Um..I apologize for that. I uh...kinda lost my composure for a second."
"It's ok, you know there was a song out a few years by REM that describes every man, woman and child at sometime or another. It's called Everybody Hurts and it's a very emotional and sad song but it's so true. Everybody does hurt sometimes, Officer Stoneman, even nurses, even runaway boys laying in a hospital bed and even...big ol' policemen sometimes," Will said compassionately as he placed his hand on the cop's shoulder.
I thought that big, hunky cop was gonna break down right there. Will handed some tissues to him and he excused himself to use my restroom. We heard the water go in the sink and heard him blow his nose. He stepped back out.
"I apologize again for that but yeah you're right. Everybody does hurt. Guys, this is off the record but this case kinda hits close to home for me. I was raised here in Myrtle Beach along with my brother, Michael. He announced to the family, three weeks ago yesterday, that he was gay. He did this over Sunday dinner too. Not much was said that day. I left after a couple of hours and went back to my place. I called the next day and talked to all three of them and everything seemed fine. Last Tuesday when I got home from work, there was a note taped to my front door. I opened it up and it was from Michael saying our Dad flipped out and kicked him out of the house but not before hitting him a few times with his fists. The rest of the note just stated that he loved me and was thankful I was his brother and he would call me whenever he got to where he was going.
Well, I haven't heard a word from him guys. I have searched this town up and down and every which way but Friday. I've grilled all his buddies and checked every single place I could think of where he might be hanging out. I'm lost. I just want to talk to him for a minute, to tell him I love him and that I care about him. It doesn't matter that he's gay. He's my brother, damnit. I want to tell him he can live with me. I'll get a restraining order against our Dad if I have too. I'll file for custody. I'm sorry guys. It hurt, listening to your story Jesse but if there's anything I can do to help out, just let me know. There's one more thing Jesse. There aren't any charges against you but the motel would like to be reimbursed for new bed linens and 1 carpet cleaning, also they want you to promise you'll never step foot on their property again."
He handed his card to me and gave one to Will.
"Since you've seen me blubber like a baby, why don't you just call me Charles instead of C.D." he said with a grin.
Will and I both shook Charles' hand before he left. He was kind enough to remember my right arm was the injured one so he shook my left hand. That felt weird.
"I guess everybody really does hurt don't they Will?" I said as I stared at the ceiling.
"Yes...everybody does," he replied.
"That guy was pretty cool for a cop. It was weird seeing him get emotional like that though. Most cops I know are all hard asses or something."
"Yeah, he was sweet though and it's obvious that he really cares about his younger brother."
"Yeah it is."
"Jesse, I'm sorry about you and your friend getting caught and then outed like that. How do you feel?"
"How would you feel man? I'm mad, I'm hurt and I'm embarrassed as hell. I think I'm more embarrassed than anything though."
"About getting caught?"
"Well, that but I'm embarrassed at myself mainly, for a lot of things. I never should have put Tyler in that position dude, I mean I instigated the whole thing with him."
"Obviously he didn't exactly tell you stop though," Will chuckled.
"No he didn't. I think he probably wanted to do it as much as I did but something didn't feel right. He seemed to reciprocate almost as a "have to". We kissed but he didn't seem quite as into it as I was, maybe I was just so horny it felt that way. I don't know."
"This is personal and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to but was Tyler the first boy you've been with?"
"Yeah, the first and only guy I've been with."
"You're gay right? I mean, I know what you said about Tyler but do you believe in your heart that you're gay?"
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Will."
"What about Tyler? Do you think he is too?"
"That, I'm not so sure about now that I think about it. I've suspected for a long time that I was and I had always hoped that Tyler was too. He's so cute Will, I wish you could meet him," I smiled.
"He sounds wonderful Jesse." "He is and so are you, Will."
"What?" he exclaimed wide-eyed and grinning.
"I mean it. I've thought about it and I can't quite put my finger on it but there is something really special about you. Ever since I woke up finally and have been able to focus, you've been smiling and buzzing around, doing your job like you love it. If you treat all your patients like this you ought to get Nurse of the Year or something."
Will laughed and blushed slightly.
"Thank you Jesse, that's really sweet of you to say. I do try to be pleasant here because it's such an unpleasant place and I'm glad you noticed that. It makes me feel good."
"Well...you've made me feel good. Thanks for talking with me."
Will left the room but not before he said he'd round me up a tray of food off the cart which just went up the hallway. I hadn't even noticed that I was hungry but figured I could eat a little something.
I thought silently about my situation and felt pretty badly about it. I had gotten caught, by my little brother, sucking off my friend. I had fought with said brother and slapped him. He, in turn, outed me to our folks. I freaked, stole my Dad's gun and some bullets and ran away, almost 300 miles. Before I could kill myself I was shot by some gung ho rookie cop and I wind up here, thinking about the whole mess I've created.
I was normally a very rational guy. I studied hard in college and made decent grades...COLLEGE! Oh man, what was I going to do about college now? My Dad wouldn't pay for his queer son to get a higher education now, would he? I needed to write the school and let them know I wouldn't be back. I needed to write a lot of letters I guess...to apologize. I needed to write to Mom and Dad, Jared too. I didn't really care if they hated me or not. I had to apologize to Tyler and tell him how I really feel. I needed to write to the people who own that stupid motel. Maybe I could send a check for the cleaning bill with it. When that thought ran through my head I laughed at loud, just as Will came back in, carrying a tray.
`Well aren't you Mr. Fun-N-Giggles now," he said with a chuckle.
"I just thought of something funny."
"Tell me please. I need a good laugh."
"Well maybe it wasn't so funny but anyway, I was thinking about how stupid I've been. I don't normally check into cheap motels to kill myself, you know? I'm a normal guy who just had too much shit to deal with all at once. I really am embarrassed and sorry for what I've done and I want to write letters of apology to some people, including the folks at the motel where the incident took place. I was thinking I could send a check for the cleaning bill with it, that's all."
Will looked at me straight-faced then finally he smiled slightly and chuckled out of politeness I think. He raised the head of my bed up so I was more sitting in a more upright position. He rolled the cart in front of me and placed the tray on it.
`This isn't much but you need to eat lightly anyway, since you haven't had solid food in at least 3 days now."
"You're kidding me right?" I asked as I removed the lid from the plate.
"No really. You were brought in Saturday night about 9:30 and this is Tuesday evening."
"My God, why was I out so long? They didn't do surgery did they?"
"No surgery, but you were really combative, I mean REALLY combative. You even kicked one of the cops in his testicles. You cussed everyone in sight too. They had to sedate you heavily. Every time they'd try to wake you, you'd start fussing and fighting again so they had to keep you sedated."
"I had no idea. I'm sorry man, I really am. That wasn't me I promise you and I feel so bad for that guy too."
My face turned crimson with embarrassment.
"I know you do Jesse. As soon as I saw you I knew something must be terribly wrong for you to have tried to kill yourself. You didn't look like the type that was into the drug scene and the toxicology tests confirmed that only alcohol was in your system, a whole lot of alcohol too. The police said they found an empty 5th in your room."
"Yeah I had to drink it to get the courage to try to kill myself."
"Listen, I know you're probably hungry and your food is getting cold so let me leave you alone. I'll be back in about thirty minutes or so to get your tray. We can talk some more then if you want to."
"Yeah, I'd like that a lot. Thanks"
Will left and I looked down at my plate, noticing it's contents for the first time. "Yum, yum yum dinner fit for a king," I said quietly to myself. There was a small bowl of chicken broth, at least that's what it looked like and a container of green Jello. To wash it all down was a cup of unsweetened tea with no sugar packets in sight and a half pint of skim milk.
I grimaced as I took a bite of the Jello. "Take it like a man Jesse, take it like a man," I laughed.
TO BE CONTINUED
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