Copyright 2010 by Jaden Lane, All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording , or by any information storage and retrieval storage system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner. (Permission to post electronically is given to www.nifty.org and its affiliated mirror sites only.)
This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to any person, place, or written works are purely coincidental. It may contain consensual sex between young men. Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.
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If You Could Read My Mind
With the diner closed for the day Bailey is overjoyed to see Neville stop by in the morning with Josh. At the same time he's a little jealous that Neville and Josh got together first before coming over. He'd rather it just had been Neville; then the two could comfortably lounge around all day together.
All three are slightly on edge as they hang out with Brooke, Megan and Bethany. Josh is trying hard to wrap his head around the concept that Neville and Bailey are still just normal people. Neville is concerned that Josh now knows more about him than he ever intended to reveal to anyone, and needs to figure out a way to take it back. Bailey is distressed because he wants to start a physical relationship with Neville, but can't hug or kiss him in front of Josh, let alone cop a better feel of what Neville had pressed his very hand against a few mornings ago when they met up before school. He can't even speak about the subject.
Megan is still mad at Brooke and Neville. Silence is her greatest weapon against them, and is also a wise decision so that she doesn't share the secret, accidentally or on purpose. Brooke is quiet because she feels that by being meek she won't garner the attention of Megan's ire. Selfishly, she hopes Megan gets over it sooner rather than later because she's discovered that she relies heavily on Megan's affection.
Bethany is simply bored by the lethargic older teens, "You guys are so boring. This one girl in my class says that the bowling alley downstairs was glow-in-the-dark every night. We could bowl in the dark! Josh, Neville, you guys aren't lame like these losers. Will you guys bowl in the dark with me?"
Bailey scoffs at his younger sister, "I told you already; I tried to get the pin resets to work but couldn't figure them out. Even if I had, the power needs to be on anyways."
"So what? We can set the pins up ourselves can't we? We've got this cool bowling alley in the basement and you're just going to hyperventilate into a bag in the corner while we play anyways. Josh and Neville can set the pins because I'll bet they're not scared of the dark like you!"
Megan likes the idea but sees it's tragic flaw, "The balls and pins only glow in the dark with black lights, so even that won't work today Beth. We could shoot some balls on the pool table over in the bar instead."
With enough light from the large banks of windows, the group breaks into pairs to play. Bethany is all smiles because she gets paired with Josh, and everyone knows she's unabashedly checking him out. He sympathetically shrugs his shoulders at Neville and just rolls with it. Brooke trash talks her brother as though they weren't partners. Paired with Neville and having sat out the first game, Megan takes to hissing at him each time she sinks a ball or each time he misses a shot. For a different reason Brooke shrugs her shoulders at Neville and rolls her eyes.
The shrugs and eye rolls don't escape Bailey's attention, `The first chance I get alone with Nev I'm finding out what secret everybody's got that I'm not in on. Well maybe not the first chance. The first chance I get alone with him I want to kiss those pink lips of his! We've been boyfriends for four days and we've kissed what twice, no three times. We'll kiss 'till our lips are sore first, then I'll ask what the dealio is.'
).:.(<<
Megan summons Neville downstairs while waiting for their next turn to play. Waiting for her to say something, Neville starts flipping aimlessly through the milk crates of abandoned CD's again.
"She's not pregnant. We think her friend visited, so your impending fatherhood is cancelled. I guess we owe you piece of mind at least. But I'm still mad as Hell at you," She says after discovering a tin-can ashtray and lighting a cigarette indoors.
Neville inclines his head. He has mixed feelings about the greatest weight in the world being lifted from his shoulders, "Thanks."
"So what now? You really hurt me you know? I thought we were going to become lifelong best friends. You just fit into my life so well, and Brooke really likes you too. Now I can never trust you and that really bothers me," Megan states.
"I'd swear on my soul that you can trust me forevermore. I just can't ever make it up to you for what I did. Now that we know our sin at least didn't create a child I'll just move on. As soon as the storm clears out, I'll clear out of your lives with it too. Maybe I'll start over with a friend in Montreal who I'm a bit worried about. I don't know, but I'll get out of your life now," Neville says with anguish in his heart.
"Don't you dare flake out on me and run away from this. You're going to stay and make this up to me. Bailey and you may end up together down the road, maybe not, but I don't always do friends too well. Call it a Scorpio trait; once you've crossed me I have no use for you. I'm giving you second chance because I see you in my life for the long haul. Just don't ever hurt me again like you did," Megan says and emphasizes with a hug before charging back upstairs.
Before following her upstairs, Neville goes back to the milk crates and pulls out a CD that caught his eye upon the second perusal. After quickly tucking it into a front pocket of his baggy jeans he climbs back up the elaborate stairs.
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While Megan and Neville are downstairs, Josh seizes the opportunity to stop playing for a moment. Turning to Brooke and Bailey he blurts out, "Nev needs a place to stay tonight, maybe a few nights. Thing is, he'll never ask on his own. You guys have more room than me, but if he'll be any trouble for you I'll take him to my place."
Thinking she's covering for her brother, Brooke answers, "Yeah, he can stay. I'm sure Mom and Dad will let him. And Bailey here gets outnumbered by girls most of the time, so he'll love having Neville around!"
"Cool. Thanks. And don't tell him I said anything; you know how he is," Josh hints.
Josh decides it's time to get going after a few rounds of play. He suggests Neville call him later if he wants to, but knows it won't happen if for no other reason than that Neville doesn't have his phone number.
).:.(<<
The rest of the teens make their way back over to their house along with Josh before he heads home. Bailey and Neville seclude themselves in Bailey's bedroom after building up the fires. Bailey reclines on his bed and Neville takes a seat on the couch. Neville's eyes are scanning the whole room, still trying to capture a good sense of his boyfriend's private sanctuary. The room is cavernous to him.
"Your room is cold, it's not you; you need to add some life to it," Neville comments.
"You're here to liven it up. Forget I said that, that was corny! C'mere," Bailey says.
Neville wrings his hands nervously, "Corny, and so you. I have to tell you something first and you're probably not going to like it. Just listen first?"
Bailey feels a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. He inclines his head only once in acknowledgement as he braces himself for bad news.
"I slept with Josh last night. He came over because he knows my place gets cold, and he brought extra blankets. Nothing happened Bailey. He knows I've had a crush on him for the last two years; and I have. But you know he's totally not on our team, and not really comfortable with the idea of guys even digging him. But he knows about you too, and he thinks we're boyfriends," Neville reveals.
Neville's trying to abate his guilt over having sex with Bailey's sister in his bed. The same bed he hopes to share with Bailey someday. The very bed he wants to have passionate, steamy sex with Bailey in, over and over again.
With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Bailey clarifies, "You slept with him?"
Neville confirms, "Yeah. We were both bundled up in layers, but technically in the same bed."
Relief washes over Bailey, "And you're sure he's not gay?"
"Josh is really laid back and is trying to not be a homophobe, but I have no doubt he would permanently maim the first guy's lips or hand that tried to touch or kiss him. Even if the guy was just playing around. He's definitely not gay and in the closet. Just like we're wired a little different, so is he."
Bailey grins, "Well you know who's going to maim your lips if they don't try to play around with mine soon?"
Rather than say anything Neville walks over to Bailey. Bailey sits up and places one hand on Neville's hip and his other hand grips him just below his opposite arm pit. Neville steadies himself with his hands on the mattress and leans in for a good, long kiss.
Nearly two years since he was caught kissing Steve, Neville's apprehension is non-existent. He always thought he'd have a hard time making out with a guy because of what happened the last time. Instead he's pleasantly surprised to discover it's easy and natural. He gets bolder and gently guides Bailey to fully lie back on the bed as he feels a sense of joy course through his body. Both boys are nervous about the kiss, and the many that follow, but both are very excited.
Their hands hardly explore each other as they get more comfortable and continue to kiss. Lying on their sides, one of Bailey's hands idly plays with Neville's short blonde locks while the other is between his shoulder blades. Neville's fingertips stay mainly on the back of Bailey's head, neck and shoulders.
Time slips away and neither boy is aware that Cathy spies on them from the end of the hallway when she's concerned that they're too quiet. Seeing that they are fully clothed with the door wide open, she lets it be. She's proud of herself that she and Jonas have dealt so well with two of their three children being gay. She's also proud that they've done so well at loving their children that Bailey doesn't feel the need to close his door over when kissing another boy. Now her maternal instinct kicks-in in another way; she'll need to guide Bailey so that he doesn't get crazy in love like he did with Jeremy.
The moment ends when they hear a cracking noise that comes from Neville's pocket. Rolling around on top of the mattress, the boys take their first break in over half an hour.
Pulling out a CD and looking at the broken jewel case, Neville explains, "Oops. I grabbed a CD earlier. Not for me, but for you. There's a song on it I want you to listen to. I know it's not the dance stuff you listen to like Steps and Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, N'Sinc and stuff, but just give it a try. It's really special to me."
"Savage Garden? I listen to them," Bailey says, trying to read the cover.
"No. Savatage. They're like, hard rock. The one song is like a heavy Christian song. It's maybe too out there for you, but it really means a lot to me, and not even from a faith angle. It's called Believe, and I just really always liked it. Now that I'm older I get the deeper meaning."
"Well they're not nearly as cute as the A*teens but I'll give their song a listen for you. I was wondering what was in your pocket. I even was going to try and find out soon," Bailey coyly suggests.
Neville gently shuts him down, "Not yet. Not today. This is perfect, I love kissing you."
"So, like, I can't feel you up?" Bailey tries.
Neville reaffirms, "No, you don't get to do that today."
"It's the cologne isn't it? It's because I don't have it on today, right? I knew I should have put on some of your favourite cologne when I heard your voice downstairs this morning!"
"What, the one that makes me want to hump your leg like a dog? You know I like that one? I'm impressed."
"Yeah, it's my favourite too. Something told me you like it, something that you try to conceal when it gives you away! Like now for instance," Bailey says, quickly brushing his hand over the straining bulge in Neville's pants.
"Well good thing you don't have it on then, humping your leg would be embarrassing!"
"I think it would be cute. It would be a huge ego booster just like the message your body's sending me right now," Bailey insists.
"Hush up lover-boy! Yeah, you inspire that, but I'm not the only one who's got a branch jutting out from his bush. And remember; playing with matches starts forest fires. There will not be any uncontrollable blazes getting set today, thank you very much! Less yapping, more kissing," Neville says and dives in for another prolonged kiss.
).:.(<<
When things are getting so hot they either have to stop or else they're going to start losing some clothes, Bailey breaks for a cigarette outside on his landing. Neville winds down two floors to the diner so that he can grab a V8 for himself and chocolate milk for Bailey. He's stopped by Cathy Regan while making his way back up to the main floor.
"Uh, Bailey sent me to get these. Is it okay? I'll put them back," Neville defends.
"That's fine. How's the Social Insurance Number coming along?" Cathy replies.
"Uh, not so good. I didn't have something right for my birth certificate so that got sent back to me. Once I get that I'll file for my replacement SIN card right away," Neville lies.
"Oh, it's a replacement card? I don't need the actual card, just call and get me the number then and we're set," Cathy says.
"Yeah, I thought so too, right? But they said because everything was stolen they can't even give me my number, let alone a replacement, until I have the birth certificate as proof I'm me. But to get the birth certificate I need other proof I don't have yet because I lost it all too. I thought it was because I'm a kid and the woman was giving me a hard time but she gave my parents the same spiel," Neville further lies.
Cathy believes it to be plausible, if highly unlikely. She's more prone to believe that Neville's just been lazy and forgetful like most teens have a penchant for, and that's why it's taking so long. She's unsure if his uneasiness standing before her is because he's lying to her, or because he's in the closet and just spent the better part of an hour kissing her son. She decides it's got to have something more to do with the damp spot visible by his left hip.
She chuckles to herself, biting her lip to keep from mentioning anything to Neville about what she sees right now, or what she saw upstairs between he and Bailey. She doesn't want to scare him off, "Don't be so uptight! It'll all sort itself out."
"Okay. Thanks for being so awesome about this Mrs. Regan," Neville says, blissfully unaware that thanks to his short shirt, his pants have revealed just how much he likes her son. Not knowing what else to say or do, he quickly scampers upstairs.
"Ask Bailey what you're planning for dinner, I'm about to get started," Cathy calls up the stairs as Neville ascends them.
Neville plants a kiss of Bailey's forehead instead of placing the carton of chocolate milk in his outstretched hand, "That's from your mom."
"What?" Bailey says, jumping a foot away from Neville.
Placing the cartonin Bailey's lap, Neville remarks, "You should probably keep that there for a bit. Cool things down. I think maybe we better ease up for today; your mom was acting all weird and asked what you're doing for dinner. I think she's on to us."
"Oh. Crap. Well then, what do you say we see about making something to eat I guess?"
"I thought you'd never ask!"
"Hungry are ya? I thought you were just really into kissing. Now I know it was all for my cherry chap-stick."
"No. I'm definitely enjoying your lips, but Josh and I skipped breakfast this morning and I last ate early yesterday evening. It's late afternoon already, so it's been nearly 24 hours. I'm starving and need more energy so I can tongue wrestle with ya!"
While eating, Bailey asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, can Nev stay the night?"
With a look that conveys there is more to be discussed, Jonas simply offers, "Yes."
Breaking for dinner and a few games of cribbage with the family, Bailey and Neville get their next chance to lock lips when the teens all head to their bedrooms. Cathy and Jonas have already turned in for the night, after a private discussion about the boys, and Cathy has made sure to leave a full set of bedding for the pull-out prominently placed on Bailey's bed.
Once he's back in his room, Bailey grabs his cigarettes and slips outside for a quick puff. Returning a moment later, he takes the blanket for the pull-out and unfolds it. After spreading the blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace he sets the rest of the sheets aside and takes the duvet from his bed as well. As soon as he's sandwiched between the blankets he invites Neville to join him.
Neville knows which pocket to fish chewing gum out of, and feels Bailey squirm as his hand is going somewhere new. With minty gum to combat his possible food-breath, and Bailey's cigarette-breath, Neville dives into the blankets and gets close to his waiting boyfriend. Both boys are more relaxed as they resume their session from earlier in the afternoon. They're slightly more confident and comfortable with each other now, and much more obsessed. As Bailey's hands play in the tight-spun rings of his short hair, Neville is the first to start tracing his hand over Bailey's body; searching for sensitive areas while drinking in the contours of a body he now has permission to explore.
After the fallout from the first, last, and only time in his life he held another guy, Neville always worried he'd be too afraid to follow through the next time the opportunity arose. He's very relieved that he is free of fear while being close with Bailey. Instead it's satisfying; so much so that the repeat thoughts are just barely conscious, and immediately drowned out by the euphoric feeling exploding all over his body.
Careful to keep his hands strictly waist and up for now, Neville gently traces his fingers all over his boyfriend. When he finds an erogenous zone like earlobes, navel, or belt-line, he commits it to memory and spends some time exploring the area. Getting extremely aroused, Bailey takes charge and utilizes his greater experience at being intimate with another guy. Bailey parts his lips from Neville's and starts kissing his companion all over his neck until he finds the spots that garner a reaction. In his excitement he tries to remove Neville's thick layered shirts.
Neville stops him. Eyes glued together, Neville offers a smile, "Not yet Tiger. I'm new at this and want to savour it all. This is so amazing, you're so amazing."
"Whatever you say, as long as you mean it and aren't going to sneak off in the middle of the night on me and never talk to me again," Bailey says jokingly, but meaning every word despite his disappointment.
Neville kisses Bailey, "No one's forcing me to do this! You're a dream come true! The only sneaky thing I'll might do in the middle of the night when your asleep is a private matter unto myself for now."
"Uh huh," Bailey says, attempting to sound disapproving. Instead he comes across to Neville as unsure.
"Just so we're clear on that, it might involve the gentle caress of a hand I'm intimately familiar with."
Grabbing for Neville's crotch and massaging it, Bailey offers a cute smile that just melts Neville's heart, "And this?"
"Yeah, and that. Which is still off limits for now, so hands off the merchandise. That's your prize for being a good boyfriend when the time comes."
"Can't wait!"
"Well you'll have to. For now, just kissing you and lying with you is way better than I dared hope! I don't even have words to tell you how mind-blowing this is and how my whole body wants to explode," Neville responds.
Neville finishes the rest of the thought unspoken while curled up in Bailey's arms, `Talking always slows you down, trips you up, huh? Sorry Bailey, but I really mean it. I'd go all the way with you right now if I let myself. I know you're the right one for me, but we have to take our time. I have a lot of obstacles for us to overcome, and you have to be ready for them. So as we progress and I can start really trusting you with my secrets, I'll give you more sexually.
You know what? It's not just you; I have to start trusting myself too. That's what you don't see and can't possibly know, and even though I'm working on it, it's not so easy. Please be patient with me! I so badly want you to be my first. Scrap that, I hope to God that you're the one because I am madly in love with you!
But I screwed up. Have you ever had sex in your bed? Have you ever had sex with anyone? I can say yes to both, and it wasn't with you. I wasn't even half as hard as I am right now. Instead of bedding you and your fine smelling cologne, great bum, and cute smile, I did something regrettable with your sister. I don't know how to ever tell you that because I can't stand to crush your heart. I know it's selfish to worry about the anguish I'll feel over revealing something hurtful to you, but I just don't have the heart to tell you. But I have to tell you before we ever get that far. You deserve the truth. Then it'll all be over and you'll hate me forever.
Is that why I did it? So I had a bomb to drop on you that would trump everything else? Did I really do it so I'd have a way out when you get closer to my heart and truths than I'm willing to let you? Jesus Christ! Bailey, go get yourself a boyfriend that's better than me. You deserve someone that's completely honest and fiercely loyal to you and not so worried about his own self-preservation. I'm going to break your heart, and the thought alone breaks mine. I'm so, so sorry we're falling in love.'
As Neville wages war in his mind he makes little noises; a sigh, a weak groan, a slight grunt. He also constantly repositions himself. Bailey takes the noises to be a sign of satisfaction, and the movements an attempt to get even more comfortable. Bailey is overjoyed, thinking that Neville is happy and simply enjoying the moment. With the exception of an occasional kiss Bailey plants on the back of Neville's neck, the boys cuddle together, peacefully content in their closeness.
Waking in her sleep, Cathy gets up to check on the house. Stopping at Bailey's closed door she's compelled to check in on the boys. She does knock first instead of walking in on them. The boys scramble from under the blanket in front of the fireplace and try to straighten their shirts as if nothing is going on. Both boys look to Cathy as if she just caught them with their pants down. Harbouring no cruel intentions, she does enjoy the charade playing out for her benefit as she confirms that both boys are fully clothed, and their pants are in fact done up.
"Mom! You don't need to check in on us," Bailey protests.
"You boys were so quiet behind the closed door, who knows what you were up to if not sleeping! It's a mother's job to make sure you boys aren't up to any trouble. And lying on the floor in front of the fire place, you two can die of carbon monoxide poisoning. Give Neville your bed and use your pull-out. Time for bed guys, and keep the door open," Cathy states.
Neville has a quick shower while Bailey sets up the pull-out bed. Neville helps himself to a pair of Bailey's gym shorts from the dressers while Bailey is having a shower. He also slips into the long sleeve waffle knit shirt Bailey was wearing up until moments ago. He feels warm and secure in the top that is worn thin from age and use. He's bones don't show through his skin nearly as much as they once had, but he would prefer to be a toned-skinny rather than unhealthy-skinny when Bailey first gets to see his bare upper torso for more than a peak. Bailey returns to his room in just his sleeping pants, which are really a loose pair of jogging pants, and finds Neville long form curled up tightly under the sheets of the pull-out.
To Bailey's sultry look Neville shrugs his shoulders, "This is more than good enough for me. I'd like to share that bed with you but I think my lips need a rest and I don't want to mess your sheets."
"No, get your sexy ass into my bed and I'll sleep in that," Bailey says. He had hoped they'd ignore what his mother said, even if obeying is probably for the better. He smiles when he sees the shorts sagging down from Neville's hips, "Hey I have a pair of shorts and a shirt just like those."
"I know. Two guesses where they are right now and who's going commando in the shorts," Neville teases.
As Neville gets comfortable in what he thinks of as Bailey's `cloud bed', Bailey sits cross-legged on the corner and faces Neville, "So, I've got some things I guess I should tell you."
"Nope. Not right now. Today was amazing; let's leave it at that. I'll be dreaming of kissing your lips and cuddling with you under the blankets. If you wake to find I'm humping your bed or making out with your pillow in my sleep, just know you're to blame because you're too damn irresistible! Now toss another log on the fire and get your butt in here with me or off to bed with you!"
`If you tell me your secrets you're going to be looking for something out of me in return. Heck, you probably already do want me to share secrets with you; really start building a bond together. I really want to drink you in, melt into your arms as I fall asleep, but I also want things to slow down. The end is inevitable, but I'd like a little journey with you before we get there. That's a good boy, Bailey. Sleep in the other bed! Good call, maybe we can stretch this thing out a little longer!'
Bailey sulks, "I'll play by your rules for now, but I don't see why we're sleeping in separate beds if we're boyfriends. You're in love with Josh and shared a bed with him last night, and you tell me to make me jealous. And here you are with me, your boyfriend, in my own room, but you're sending me to sleep alone."
Neville lifts up the blankets, "I'm all for sharing body heat with you, but I'm not ready for sex, okay? You're my fantasy now, and I know you'll live up to it and then some! Just no hanky-panky tonight. Well, maybe a little, but these shorts and those revealing pants stay on. Deal?"
"Deal. So, is it me, or are you just not comfortable with being gay yet? Sorry, I shouldn't have asked," Bailey says as he snuggles up to Neville.
"Roll over, other way, I want to hug you. There. Feel that?"
"Oh yeah! Feels perfect," Bailey suggests while grinding into Neville's lap.
"Uh, well, it likes you."
"Cool," Bailey says with a purr.
"Stop it," Neville says with a giggle as he pulls back from Bailey, "What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm way more excited about being gay now that I'm here next to you. You have no idea how much you've flipped my world upside down, but you didn't make me realize I'm gay. I've known for a few years now. I just want to take this nice and slow; it's all new territory."
"You don't have to explain," Bailey says.
"No, I do. It's just something I felt the minute you walked your fine ass into my life that made me get off the sidelines. When we made eye contact that afternoon, I can't explain it."
Bailey feels the same way, "I know! Me too!"
"So, I'm cool with it, but there's only one first for everything. I want ours to be awesome memories, okay? Tonight is the first night of hundreds, maybe thousands, that I get to hug you like a teddy bear all night long. That's huge," Neville relates.
Bailey resists the urge to comment that what's nestled between his back and Neville's front is huge. He's aware this all means a lot to Neville and doesn't want to turn it to something crude. Instead he's self satisfied with his more mature response, "A thousand nights like this is only a few years, let's make that tens of thousands. Like seventy to eight years more. And tonight is the first of all of it!"
"I hope so," Neville thinks aloud.
).:.(<<
Early into the night Bailey's mind is conflicted. While Neville is out like a light, he can't get it out of his mind that his parents are going to be pissed to find them in the same bed. Looking around his room by firelight, Bailey reminds himself that they're where they are now because he couldn't be mature in his last relationship. Deciding it's for the best, he drags himself across his room and tries to get comfortable in the pull-out bed.
Bailey sleeps fitfully in the other bed. Waking repeatedly, he tries unsuccessfully to get comfortable. Part of it is that Neville is so silent in contrast to when they were snuggling by the fireplace, and Bailey keeps looking over to the other bed to make sure he's still there. At one point he goes outside for a quick cigarette and gets wet on his balcony. The next time he wakes, he slips the CD Neville picked out into his discman and listens to the song he's supposed to, which isn't all that impressive to him.
He doesn't know the time when he gives up and slips back under the sheets with Neville. All he knows is that his mother has already checked up on them, again. With Neville's lanky body curled up on his side, Bailey adjusts himself so that his erection is in the hollow of Neville's legs. He gives into temptation, planting sweet little kisses on the nape of Neville's neck. Neville responds in his sleep, instinctively curling up into a tighter ball, yet leaving his neck exposed for Bailey's attention.
).:.(<<
In the morning Bailey throws on socks and a sweater and heads down to the diner, once he's admired a hickey that he has marked Neville with overnight. He heats milk in a sauce pan over an open flame and makes hot chocolate for himself and his parents, who are also up.
Jonas light-heartedly broaches the subject, "So, your mother noticed you and Neville inspecting each other's tonsils yesterday. Is everything okay, or should we make a doctor's appointment for you?"
After a shared groan with his mother Bailey shrugs his shoulders, "Yeah, ha ha. Laugh it up. But don't worry; he's really shy about it all and we're going to take our time. We're good; we didn't sleep together. We're only at first base."
Cathy laughs at Bailey, "You can cut that line of bull, were up before you and saw you sleeping with him. Oh you should see your face right now! Remember the picnic when you kids were all playing baseball and Brooke had you convinced that when you made it to first base in real baseball you had to kiss the first baseman? Which one of the Mike's was it; Mike MacInnis? Oh the look on his face! You remind me of it right now."
"Yeah? Guess I'm totally busted then. Anyway, it was Robo, not Mik-Mac. Mr. Robertson loved showing that home video to every friend of Mike's he could! Damn the invention of camcorders, I never lived that one down," Bailey says as his cheeks redden.
"And even after that it didn't occur to you last September that everyone already knew you were gay?" Jonas says with a laugh.
Bailey tries to protest, "No, thank you very much. And I thought I was doing a bang-up job of being hetero. You all forgot to let me in on the big secret that everybody already guessed. But c'mon Dad, seriously; Robo was your big clue? I was like what, ten? Everyone knew Brooke played one of her cruel little jokes on me so I more or less got away with the kiss. Fuck-yeah, that was good though. I mean I still clearly remember I was so happy it was a boy on first base I had to kiss and not a girl. Even I didn't know it at the time, but that was the only real clue to be found there."
Jonas reflects, "No, for me, I remember when you both came home from Smitty's a few years later and Brooke said you had to kiss him in the closet for a full minute from playing spin-the-bottle. She was just happy you had to do something deathly embarrassing. You tried to hide it but you were so happy when you said that you actually did it. For days afterwards you looked like the cat that ate the canary. That's when I knew for sure."
"I know! It was so awesome! I was so happy that I convinced him we had to actually kiss and he either just gave in or bought it! Oh my God! He wasn't into it at all and it was the single greatest minute of my life to that point. That's when I knew for sure too," Bailey gushes.
"I'm just amazed the two of you stayed best friends after that. He knew you liked him after that kiss," Cathy divulges.
Jonas cuts in, "So, about you and Neville."
Bailey explains, "Don't worry Dad. You know how guarded he is. I don't think he's ready to let me in very far at all. We went to bed together for the first bit. I got a little mad at him for falling asleep on me right away, without as much as a kiss goodnight. I know I have to take it slow, so I hopped into the other bed after a few minutes and was only back with him for the last bit. He probably doesn't even know that I went to the pull-out for most of the night before coming back to him this morning."
"Take it slow and easy," Cathy instructs.
"Don't worry. All I have to think of to reign myself in is my meeting with the judge coming up next month. Once I get my sentence Nev will know, and he won't want me anymore anyways. So I've given up forcing things. We're not going to be in a committed relationship like Brooke and Megs by then, so yours truly is doomed to be a virgin for a while longer. Who knows, maybe I'll give my virginity to a cute cellmate in Juvie."
"You'd already be in Juvie right now awaiting your sentence if the judge wasn't so easy on you. You know you're only getting community service," Cathy utters.
"Yeah? Maybe Nev will find my criminal history intriguing and stick around because he has a thing for guys that have done hard time!"
"Get out of here," Jonas says, slightly irked at Bailey for the aloof comment even though he knows his son is remorseful for his actions, and more so for their repercussions.
).:.(<<
Returning to his room, Bailey strips back down to his sleeping pants and sits cross legged on his bed, idly watching Neville sleep. For two nights when Neville has stayed over, Bailey has listened to him sleep. He's convinced Neville doesn't make a sound when he sleeps; no snoring, no heavy breathing, no crying out, no mumbles. Thus, when his eyes focus on Neville's open eyes minutes later it doesn't surprise him in the least that he didn't hear Neville wake up.
Caught looking at Bailey's exposed upper body, Neville greets him with a smile, "Morning, Sunshine!"
Bailey returns the smile, "Sunshine? Is that your pet name for me? I like it!"
"Well if you all call me Pancakes I have to call you something," Neville reasons.
Bailey uses Neville's line on himself before diving in, "Less yapping, more kissing!"
Neville's more than willing to oblige and get the day off to a great start. After prying themselves apart for separate showers, they meet up in the diner where Neville gets a lesson in making pancakes. He wants to instigate a flour fight and follow it up with a make-out session. Then they could have another make-out session while cleaning up the mess, too. Instead, he fights the urge because he's again wearing Bailey's clothes and doesn't want to dirty them.
After eating and cleaning up after themselves, Neville reaches in and kisses Bailey in front of Brooke, Megan and Bethany, "Hey, I have to cut out on you for a while. I have a couple things to do and one of them is stopping in to see Reverend Francis at the church. I'd invite you to come with, but I don't want to put a time limit on the Reverend. Do you think I could maybe borrow a flashlight off you guys?"
"What's the other thing, maybe I can tag along for that," Bailey fishes for an invitation.
"Well, I have to fix my bed and I'd invite you over for that too but the truth is my place is disastrously messy and I'm too embarrassed for you to see it. That and Davis will really be on my case if I have another visitor, so it's just easier to not have anyone over. Way easier. In fact, if you ever meet Davis, it's best for me if you not bring it up at all."
"But I thought Josh stayed over a night ago?"
"Yeah, and that's precisely why I have to go and take care of my mess now. Trust me, if you saw Josh's place too you'd understand that he and I are too proud and too embarrassed to have people over, but my place is even way more sparse than his. Please Bailey, don't fight me on this?"
Handing Neville a flashlight from the top of the basement steps, Bailey confirms, "You are coming back though?"
"Yeah, hopefully the power comes back on and we can get back to making and serving food and making some money!"
Whispering in Neville's ear Bailey suggests, "I hope the power stays out and we can snuggle in front of the fireplace again!"
Neville responds with a smile before slipping out into the bad weather.
).:.(<<
Neville heads straight to the arena and it's unsecured side entrance. The doorway is so frozen over with sheeted ice that the blade of his Swiss army knife is useless. Around the back of the arena he punches a code into the keypad for the Zamboni door. Thankful that Davis never changes the code like he's supposed to, Neville worries that the motor may not be strong enough to lift the frozen door at first. When it starts rising he breathes a sigh of relief. Scanning the underbelly of the arena, Neville hopes there's some other option for him to continue living somewhere within it.
`Damn you Josh. Why'd you have to go and ruin everything? No doubt you'll turn my meagre little home into a hang out, even though you understand that I'm trespassing just by being here. I can't have that. God, I don't want to move into that homeless hideout off of Main Street. Where else can I hide out here? Might as well pop behind the front desk and snag the keys for a look-see.'
He's losing hope half an hour later when he comes across his answer. Across the hall from the storage room he lives in, at the base to both sets of stairs that go up to the players benches are small maintenance doors. They form an old service way behind and beneath the players' benches that used to house controls for freezing the ice surface and floorboard heating for the stands above. It also doubled as a the referee's change rooms before the renovation of the arena. Now, because the half doors make accessing the service way bothersome, one end of the partitioned room is used for the storage of forgotten league equipment and the other is used for arena supplies. Neville decides the end that holds equipment is perfect for his new home.
Several trips to his old hidey-home later, Neville has moved into a cubby hole underneath the stands through the half door at the bottom of the steps leading up to one of the visiting team's player's benches. Taking the key from the ring before he returns the keys to the front desk, Neville chastises himself to remember to get a copy made and get the original back as soon as possible once the power is back on.
Back in his new cubby hole, Neville spreads some goalie pads out in a crawl space beneath the player's bench and layers his stolen towels on them to make a bed. Trying it, he finds it lumpy and the goalie pads are in need of some balled up newspaper to fill the gaps. Removing the towels, Neville uses the straps and laces as best he can to bind the old and used up goalie pads together. Smoothing the towels again, he sighs and accepts that this will just have to do. At least he's off the direct cement. He really didn't think he'd be so lucky as to find another place in the arena. Now he just has to check with Davis if it's okay, and come up with a reason to explain the move that is true, yet doesn't reveal to Davis that he'd been discovered by Josh.
Even though he's completely underground now and next to the ice surface, he thinks the new place is warmer than the room across the hall that is against an outside ground-level wall. He's happy with his new and improved bat-cave to the point of excitement.
He wants to share the great news, but can't. Crystal's the only one he can tell, and last he saw of her, he's not sure he wants to burden her with any more problems. Telling her about the move means telling her about Josh finding him. He has no idea that finding out it was Josh will in fact relieve her, he mistook her solemn worry when he told her about the coat as disappointment that he had been discovered.
`Oh Crystal. If I explained it all, you'd be happy for me. This place is the bomb! It's larger than the bathroom I've been living in, in the back corner of an old-change-room-turned-storage-area. It's way cosier, and feels much more homey. There's even a corner toilet and sink in here too; dirty as they are. Let me see...awesome! The both work! I am so set, this place is perfect! It's way better than the one Kenny showed me. Why didn't I find it earlier?'
With a bounce back in his step, he heads to church for a talk with Reverend Ingrid Francis before heading back to Bailey's. The grey curtain of a sky is not going to get him down today as he walks with purpose through the falling sleet. He has much to be happy and thankful for today. Finding the church barren inside, Neville seats himself where Ingrid led him the day they met. He's silently in prayer when she checks to see who her unexpected visitor may be.
Waiting until he raises his head, Ingrid welcomes Neville, "Looks like the weather hasn't hindered you at all Mr. Reilly."
"No ma'am, Reverend. It's really not so bad out there," He states, as if the weather that's shut the Canadian Maritimes and New England region of the United States is nothing extraordinary.
"Well you look dry enough for having been out in the freezing rain, and you aren't to terribly blue," Ingrid replies, making sure the scepticism in her voice is picked up on.
Picking up on her obvious concern, Neville nods towards the large cross at the front of the church, "I was just thanking Him for the constant shelter He's allowed me, and asking him to bless the family I'm staying with that are sharing the warmth of their home while mine is too cold."
Ingrid tries, "Where do you live?"
"Ha! Wow, that's direct! All I can tell you is that I have a place that's really not that bad, Reverend. It could seriously use an interior designer and copious amounts of air freshener, but it's clean enough and safe enough, and it keeps me completely protected from the elements. I actually upgraded just this morning before I came to visit you. It's a long story that involves a guy that doesn't need to get in trouble for trying to help me out. By the way, the new place may not be the Ritz Carlton, but it meets my list of requirements."
"I assume this new place doesn't have heat either?"
"Uh, not at the moment, no. But both this place and the last have heat so long as the city has power," Neville reveals.
"This guy that helps you, can I help him help you?" Ingrid asks as she motions Neville to follow her.
"NO! Please. Sorry to shout. Josh is a really great guy. Yeah, Josh Wharton. I'm sure from the small circle of people in my life you'd figure out who he is. He's so much better than he sees himself. He knows I'm gay and that I drool over him, and he's not that comfortable with either idea, but he puts that aside to help me. I can't let his compassion be repaid with betrayal. Please?"
"Are you going to make me promise, or trust that I respect your wishes," Ingrid asks in all seriousness.
Neville feels appropriately chastised, "Yeah. Uh, sorry I do that. Even if I didn't this time. It's not so easy knowing who to trust. You know; a wolf in sheep's clothing and what-not. Like a father you get along great with suddenly deciding you are devil-spawn. That can kind of throw your judgement a bit."
Ingrid agrees, "No doubt."
"Yeah. And then, sometimes you start getting to know a person a little and let your guard down. You reveal some tangible things in your life and all of a sudden they just drop you. Either you scare them off because they weren't looking to get so deep, or they figure you're not what they envisioned you to be, or whatever. It sucks. It lets you down and you learn to keep your guard up the next time, along with the realization that most relationships are superficial on some level. But don't worry, I trust you. Unless you don't want to get to know me for real, then I'll just leave you alone."
Ingrid hugs Neville to show him that she's not shying away from him, "The family that opened the diner up a couple streets over? Have they taken you in?"
"Good one again! You're really trying extra hard today Rev! You know I'm happy on my own. When it gets too cold because the powers' knocked out I stay with the family I work for. They're really amazing people and they don't care that I'm falling in love with their son."
Ingrid offers encouragement with a warm smile, "That's good to hear."
Neville feels the need to explain, "Well, they sort of do; know I'm in love with Bailey, that is. I think. They check in on us in the night to make sure we're behaving ourselves. When they saw we were both sleeping, clothed, and not fornicating, they let us continue to sleep together this morning."
"Did they tell you this?"
"No. They don't know I heard them; you can probably understand I'm a light sleeper, for good reason. But his parents, they weren't negative about us being together at all. They genuinely care about Bailey's happiness," Neville excitedly relates as he's led to the church kitchen where a wood burning stove is providing heat, and the overhead light is being supplied electricity by a gas powered generator in the attached shed outside.
Handing Neville a piece of string, Ingrid sits down and shows him how to make a rosary out of different sized wooden beads and wooden crosses from various bags on top of the table, "God's ear comes free of charge, sometimes mine requires you to help make these rosaries that I send overseas to different villages I've been blessed to see."
Imitating her pattern, Neville starts talking, "So, I told you about maybe becoming a father. Looks like that's not going to happen, I'm told Brooke did get her period, even if it's way late. But, here's the thing; I was really excited about it. Scared senseless at first, but I got over that. And now that we're not pregnant it's a relief because it's her brother that my heart is crying for. Still, I can't help but feel that I've wronged both Brooke and Bailey to the point that I should just take off and leave them to their lives."
"And how would they feel if you just left them? They seem to care greatly for you," Ingrid questions.
"That's just it. Bailey and I made out for the first time yesterday, awesome by the way, and I'm pretty sure he feels as strongly for me as I do for him. I know he's dying to express it physically, and if I didn't set clear guidelines last night...well you can guess what two boyfriends in one bed might get up to."
"But you were an ass-hat and slept with his sister, and that's all that's really holding you back from sex with him," Ingrid says nonchalantly, taking the rosary Neville completed and tying it off.
"Pardon me? I don't know that word," Neville indicates.
Ingrid checks the word that she thinks Neville's caught up on, "Ass-hat?"
Neville's shocked, "I thought that's what you said. Oh wow. You swear? Making a Reverend swear isn't going on my list of trespasses when I have to account for my life at Peter's gates is it? I've tried to cut the curse words out of my vocabulary recently myself."
"I may be a Reverend and my sister may be your English teacher, but I do resort to foul language to get a point across. That's a tick against my soul, not yours. Now answer my question. You're an expert at shifting the subject so that no one notices that you're evading them. I'm sure it works with most people, and you no doubt use it to deflect Bailey's concerns and affections when he hits too close to home. But it doesn't work on me. Now, my question was about your guilt preventing you from letting him in further, and in fact pushing him away."
"Damn, you're good. Yes. I cheated on him with his sister, who I have zero sexual attraction to. It certainly wasn't to prove or disprove my orientation. I can't figure out if I let it happen so that I could purposely break Bailey's heart with the news, or if I let it happen so that I had proof for myself that Bailey deserves someone of higher moral standing than me. Either way; I let it happen and I'm scum. Even worse, it almost brought a child into this world," Neville explains.
"Just because your father decided you weren't worth his love doesn't make you worthless Neville. Look at you; you're an inspiring young man!"
"Josh says so too. Maybe I should start believing it myself, but things like having eaten out of dumpsters sort of takes that rosy picture of my life and turns it to toilet paper smeared with reality. But thanks. I get what you mean. Please don't kid either of us that I'm inspiring. All I really am is just a more evolved version of a racoon or skunk, or whatever other scavenger you care to name," Neville refutes.
"All the more inspiring. But you don't want to hear that so I'll stop. You need to own up to your actions and tell Bailey what you did. You need to let him decide if he has room in his heart for you afterwards. You also need to be prepared to lose him and your job if he doesn't. In your unique situation that may pose a serious problem to your survival," Reverend Francis says, removing the sugar coating.
"See, I knew there was a reason I was drawn to you. You tell it like it is. I have a friend that used to be a solid voice of reason but I think she's giving up lately. She's diabetic and I know she isn't taking care of herself. But she lives in Montreal and I have no control over her, and when I try to help I can't get through to her."
"One problem at a time Neville. No leading this conversation astray. When you first approached me you had the words `show me the way' written across your fingers. You have your hands full as it is, but take things back to that. Try to support this friend, but you need to address your immediate issues first. That's the path you must follow."
"I know. I have a lot to think about. I don't hate myself, by the way, in case you thought that earlier. I do think my life is worth living, and I will make it through these trying times. In my own way, I'll contribute to mankind. I want to go to school and get a psychology degree and help kids like me. I know my sperm donor of a dad is wrong, and that being gay doesn't change my humanity. Especially with my experience, I have a lot to give."
"Then stop questioning if you are good enough for Bailey. Just as you say young Josh Wharton doesn't see his own worth, realize that sometimes neither do you."
"Point taken. So, where are these rosaries headed? Where in this wonderful world have you been?"
Neville stays for another hour helping Reverend Francis string the rosaries that he's not certain fit the religion he's adopted, listening to fascinating details of places and people she's seen and met.
).:.(<<
The storm calms down to nothing by mid-afternoon as Neville reluctantly accepts the Regan's hospitality into the evening. The power does not come back on until late that day, and with the diner closed until fresh food can be prepared, Neville tries to hide that the whole ordeal has him on edge. At one point he convinces himself to head home in a little while. As obsessed as he is with Bailey, he's also used to a lot of time by himself. Time alone that he'd like right now, to sort out his thoughts. A trip out to the garage to move firewood quashes the thought as it's still freezing outside. This just drives home that with no heat for two days in the arena, the new nest he considers a bed will be just as cold.
Well past midnight Neville is agitated but graciously thankful towards the family for sharing their home with him and Bailey for sharing his bed, `Your bed, my new bed, sandwiched between Brooke and Megan in their bed, or outside in a snow bed; I just really would love to be asleep in any bed right now! I'm falling in love with you Bailey, but I'm also falling asleep on you.'
Neville breathes a sigh of relief inside when hours after she went to bed herself, Cathy comes downstairs to end a heated game of cribbage that the older teens are playing. She politely instructs them to head for bed, yet in a way that makes it clear that the subject is not up for debate.
As they all pack up the game and tidy the kitchen table they were playing around, Cathy's direct, "We'd prefer if you guys slept apart tonight. It's taken you two silly gooses months to get this far, no need to rush it. Neville; Bailey gets a little crazy when he has a boyfriend. You two need to take it slow. Bailey; the truth hurts, but it is what it is. For both your sakes, he deserves to know. Now all of you; get to bed."
After showering and changing separately, Neville asks, "Are you even going to bother with the pull-out? You slept with me for a while last night, you know, when you came back and sucked on my neck like a vampire?"
He's half hoping the answer is yes, and if it is he'll insist in sleeping in it. An equal half is hoping the answer is no, so that it gives them a change to test their courage under the covers and maybe progress a little further now that first contact has been established in the form of hugs and kisses. In the morning that is, for now he just wants somewhere to lay his head and fall asleep.
"You caught that, huh?"
"Well it took me until just now, but now I know what everyone's been staring at all day on my neck. I should have put two and two together sooner. Everyone kept looking at the spot that was bothering me today, and I thought it was beyond weird," Neville indicates.
"Oops. I couldn't resist. Now, about the bed, I wasn't really thinking we'd bother with the second one. Why? I'll set it up if you want. I mean yeah, I did try to sleep in the other bed for a bit there last night, but it's no fun with you here just out of my reach. My bed's way warmer than the pullout with such a thin mattress and a crappier blanket. And if you're in my bed, it's where I want to be."
Neville is conflicted about taking things further tonight. He wants to, but he doesn't want the attachments that come with being sexual with Bailey, not at least until he can sort out in his head how to open up to him. He doesn't want temptation to be only an arm's length away. But he doesn't know how to convey this though, so after a long pause he answers, "Whatever you want. Just be warned, I'm going to be out like a light wherever I sleep. I'm having a hard time staying awake."
"Well, your call; two beds or one?"
"Your bed is so amazing; I kind of want to sleep in it again to be honest. I never oversleep at home, but your bed is so comfy that I just want to curl up and be engulfed in its fluffy warmth for as long as I can get away with. And while holding you was just an awesome way to fall asleep, I'll take the pull out tonight if you want to set it up. I could never ask you to sleep in it again when your bed is as good as it is. Although...screw it, I'd rather sleep together."
Bailey walks over to his dresser and sprays on his cologne that Neville likes and closes his door over, "Me too! My parents are just going to have to deal with it."
"Awesome. But if your hands go exploring down my pants I will scream like a girl," Neville truthfully suggests.
Bailey responds with a wink, "There's not really that much left to the imagination right now, and it's not even standing straight out. I'm a bit afraid of it and a lot turned on by it."
"Well, it likes you, and when the time comes it will be gentle. There's something in that cute tent of yours too that I can hardly wait to get to know, but just like Christmas, the waiting makes it that much more special," Neville flirts.
"I don't think it's as big as yours, but I'll show you mine if you show me yours?"
"Don't compare. Know what makes yours better than mine to me? That it's yours. I felt it throbbing against me this morning; it's plenty big. I'm nervous about trying to take it in me when we get there," Neville mentions.
"Oh? So you want me to, you know, in you? I thought with such a big one you'd want it the other way around," Bailey reveals.
Neville shrugs his shoulders, "We'll see. For now I want to penetrate your mouth with my tongue for a few minutes, then pass out in each other's arms."
Bailey eagerly agrees by leaning in for a kiss. The kiss starts off hot and passionate and finishes tender and sensual. True to his word, Neville is asleep shortly after they part lips, giving Bailey time to think, `This is going to work out a whole lot better than I thought! If what I'm understanding is right, you want me to be the one wearing a condom when we get to needing one! You're a few inches over six feet for certain, while I'm almost six feet. And it's not just that you're waist is a good few inches less than mine either; you cock is bigger on you than mine is on me. If you don't care to stuff that thing in me, I'm not going to argue. Not saying I won't try it from time to time. It would be a major conquest, and I am curious to see how much I can take. But if you want me getting off in you Nev, well hell-ya, I'm game!'
[to be continued]
).:.(<<
I have published In This Cruel World in paperback and e-book formats. If you loved it and want a copy it is available through the sites linked on www.myspace.com/phantomscorpio77 or many online bookstores worldwide (just search the keywords : In This Cruel World, Jaden Lane). If you buy a copy please let me know, I'd like to send you a personal thanks!