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xoxo To Toronto and any other cities celebrating this week: Happy Pride! xoxo
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In This Cruel World
As I said last time, as high school progresses we get pushed and pulled, defined and labeled, celebrated and torn down. I guess the word in the halls this year is that Duncan McKerracher is gay. Something about me sneaking around with Adam Reid. Not that I bother to set the other kids straight on it, but for the record I don't sneak around. If you want to see me and Adam together you don't have to look too hard, the signs are there. I get it that people are cool and accepting, and that gossip is gossip.
All the same, if you want to know just ask me. I am who I am. Can't be someone else, and seeing as sexuality isn't that big of a deal nowadays I don't see a need to deny it. And at the same time I'm not going to flaunt it. To date, aside from Jase no one, not even my good friends, have asked.
Benji on the other hand isn't of the same mind so I don't share with anyone, even Adam, what he and I have done together.
Meanwhile as the school year kicks into full swing Halloween has crept up on me while I've been laying low and busying myself with Yvonne. Benji wants to be the Dukes of Hazard again like we did years ago, but I am not feeling it this year. Instead I want to just do something stupid and juvenile so I tell him I am going to be a vampire. He brushes me off. I'm sure he thinks I'll just cave to his wishes, but not this year damn it!
I talk to Adam and he loves the idea. He gets it; not a Dracula vampire, more like one on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Adam is on the same wavelength as me and I end up dressed up as Spike. I already have the bleach blonde hair for it and Yvonne does my make-up for me.
Brennan had tried a Goth phase when I was younger so I ask to use his trench coat for the get-up. It's a cool fake-leather material and has belts and buckles and a couple cross-like thingies. Kinda like The Crow, or the lead guitar player from Rammstein.
If he knew I were using any of his clothes without his permission he'd probably not be angry, but definitely smile and razz me. Still, I'm not that kind of brother. Despite our age gap and the fact that anyone who knows us can clearly see how much I idolize him, he's always been the best brother I could ask for. If he says no, then I go on to another plan. Oh yeah, the other development this year is that Brennan is living in a frat house with a bunch of his lacrosse buddies, so our shared room is just mine for the first time ever.
Thankfully he laughs when I call to ask him and tells me to drop the expensive mistake off at a used clothing place when I'm done with it. I suggest selling it on eBay instead but truthfully I kinda dig the coat. I always felt proud of Brennan when I saw him in it. Kinda like yeah, that's my older brother, isn't he cool? I may be more slender than my bro, but I think I look good in the coat. Beyond using it as a costume on Halloween I want to sometimes wear it; I'll have to ask him if I can just keep it.
Just like I figure, Benji is dejected when he shows up at school as Bo Duke and sees that I'm not Luke this year. Katy is Daisy Duke and Yvonne is a nun. Adam dresses up all Marilyn Manson and looks finger-likin good. I love Goth mascara and eyeliner on boys. The black lipstick is a little much for me as is his black nails, but who am I to judge when I am wearing both as well. Speaking of which, try getting through gym class with makeup on! My gym teacher laughs his ass off at me, but then so do I!
After the lame school deal we go over to Ian's for a tame party. Yvonne chose to babysit Katy's younger brother so she says she'll catch me on her way home. At Ian's party Cameron is talking my ear off about some senior's French Maid outfit and that he got to see it before she got sent home to change. Something about see-through lace and cleavage, you know stuff that is as interesting as wallpaper to me. I listen to him go on and on and notice that he is giving his Sumo Wrestler costume an extra bulge as he does. Damn it! Cameron's my friend, I've never scoped out his package before. I feel like I've just violated him.
All the while Cameron drones on in my ear I watch Richard dressed up as Einstein and Etienne dressed up as Charlie Chaplin try not to make out in public. Like the world doesn't know those two are into each other. People compliment me a lot on my costume and I always defer it to Yvonne's magic this morning and again after gym class. At the party this leads to people politely asking where she is and I tell them. Thing is, it doesn't bother me that I'm not with my girlfriend. In fact I would rather be here with Benji. Unlike me, he's so into his real girlfriend and it crushes my heart.
The party never kicks into full swing. Just groups of us chilling around Ian's basement while his mother tries to be invisible amongst us. No matter where I am, across the room I always see Adam. He's never alone but now he looks like he wants to jet if I can read his body language. He's still dressed up, but wearing a green and white school swim team sweater over his fishnet shirt. At school he had to wear a plain long sleeve shirt under the fishnet.
Now without the undershirt I guess he's cold? I leave Cameron to babble to Shawna about the Great Pumpkin or whatever he's yapping about now and coast over to Adam, "Cold?"
"Freezing. Do they have the AC on in here or just not pay for heat," he snidely remarks.
"Cut the crap, twenty something kids in two rooms? I'm sweating! You're bored and want to leave," I guess.
He confirms my suspicion, "Totally. Wanna bail with me? I know a Goth that would like to spend some time with a Vamp."
"Your place or mine," I ask.
"Never been to yours. Your parents home or at that thing you told me about," he asks.
"Yeah they should be at the masquerade dinner. I went with them last year but it I'm too old to tag along now. It was cool though. So anyway, yeah, my place then," I offer.
Watching The Crow is a Halloween tradition for Benji and I but I guess Adam will have to fill in for Benji this year as I pop the VHS into the VCR. We hardly watch the first scene of it before I am on top of Adam on the couch. He's starting to look different to me. A lot more man than boy compared to when we started messing around 9 months ago. I don't think I've changed nearly as much. Grown a couple inches yeah, but not much else. He has stubble on his top lip and I find it cute and sexy. Reaching in to kiss him we both find that lipstick really sucks.
We head to the bathroom and I dig up a couple wash cloths to get the crap off our faces. The eyes I make sure to leave on both of us, but most of the white cakey crap and the lipstick goes. Damn, I hope that junk washes out of the face cloths. Oh well!
I figure to make out on the couch some more but Adam steers me into my room instead. He seductively nibbles on my neck and pulls me down onto my twin bed with him. I borrowed a shiny black top from Yvonne for the outfit and we have a devil of a time getting it off over my head. I like his nipples all hard and sticking out through his fishnet top so I stop him from pulling his top off.
He gets a bit pissy, "Duncan, we've had some fun, but c'mon. If you're going to cock-block me and stop me from even getting naked with you I'll just cut my losses now and head."
"Bitch," I correct him, licking the vein or whatever that sensitive part is that runs up his neck in between sentences, "For the record, you're naked body is beyond welcome in my bed. Not just welcome either, if your ego has to know; it's badly wanted. So go ahead and lose everything else but the top. The top stays on, it's fuckin hot!"
With that I dive in and start nibbling on the pert little knobs that are openly exposed. He changes his tune, "You dirty, dirty little bad boy. Yeah, suck those puppies. That's it, oh, a biter too! My little vampire!"
It's not that much past eight, I'm sure I have at least a couple hours before my parents get home from their grown up party at the convention centre. Two hours to play with Adam naked in my bed! I grab his pants, yank them off and peal out of mine.
We quickly get to 69ing, at first sucking on each other but I want to make it last a little so we progress to rimming quickly. Sitting on his face we form a human pretzel. Eating each other out, we both moan in pleasure. When he's loose I work a finger in and he bites down on me. Adam starts getting really into it and follows my lead.
"Oh fuck Duncan! You look so fuckin hot tonight. Screw your fingers, I want your big spike inside me!"
There are too many questions. Is he ready? Am I ready? Are we ever ready? Do I want him to be the first? Who's taking it up the bum? Oh wait, I have that answer, he's offered his for me. Will I be any good? Will he?
"You know what Adam? Let's do it," I answer.
He gives me a huge sloppy kiss, "Psh! That's what I'm saying, no trick! Hurry up and gift wrap your treat so I can sit on it!"
Thank you Brennan for slipping me a 3pack of condoms to hold onto just in case! I fish the strip out of a shoebox in the closet and tear one off. Adam is sitting up watching. I push him onto his back and straddle him so my erection is over his face; if he's going to be rammed by my piece I want him to see it up close while I put the condom on. I seductively dangle my cock over him and let him look at its size and memorize what I am about to force in between his legs and shove as far as possible into him again and again. It will be his moment of truth.
I pinch the tip like I'm supposed to and put the hat on my head. His gaze leaves my dick and we lock eyes. Shit, he's going to chicken out if I take too long, and now that we've come this far I really want to just hump his warm ass. I roll the condom to my base as quick as I can and then steer it to his mouth to lube it up.
"On your back," he says as he snakes out from beneath me.
I protest, "Up yours! Seriously! Where's my foreplay?"
"Oh. You've got one hell of a nice one there Spike, if you want foreplay I'd appreciate it all the more if you slap my face with it a little," he invites, so I oblige, "Fuck yeah, hit me like you mean business. Show me what I'm in for. That's it, yeah, bounce that thing off my lips. So good, yeah! Mmm, stick that wooden stake in me, show me what you've got you vampire!"
I do as he says and he slicks up the condom some more before straddling me. He is positioned right above me, his knees are beside my lower ribs, his hand on my dick. Maybe it's because I am about to fuck him but his body looks amazing from this angle. His slight abs, his inward curve between his hips and his chest, his cock pointing straight up. Yeah, his cock looks glorious. It's become my favourite toy, even more so than my own!
My attention goes from his body to mine as I feel penetration. I don't really focus on him or anything in particular once he sits all the way down on me. All I can clearly think is how good this feels. I'm just getting over the rush of my boner being inside him when I come back to this world and hear his grunts and sighs get louder and more urgent. As good as it feels as he is bouncing up and down on me it must feel better for him because his first eruption goes right over my shoulder.
The boy can cum, that's for sure. By the time he is done I am hosed down from neck to navel. Pools of it I tell you! Pools of milky, runny stuff unlike my thick and creamy globs. He lifts up so that I drop out of his body. I'm still pointed straight up when he asks, "How was that for you?"
I shout, "Amazing!"
He then asks, "Did you come?"
"Nope. Now it's your turn. Wrap that blow-pop up and stick it in me. If we're doin this, we're doin it right yo!"
"Cool," he says.
I get the same treatment that he gave me, putting the condom on right in my face. He slaps my face with it. Not a turn on for me, but I must remember he likes to be slapped with mine. Damn I want that thing in me! I've watched enough porn to know the positions. The way I want to give my cherry is on my back, with my legs in the air.
"Go easy Adam," I say.
Instead of wetting the condom in my mouth, Adam wets my hole good with his tongue. Then I feel it; the head of his dick is at my entrance.
He pushes a few times and says, "I'm just going to get you ready, let you get used to it."
I nod and am about to say o.k. when he forces his way into me. Mother fucker it hurts, "Ouch!"
He nibbles my ear and sooths me, "Shhh, quiet baby, it'll feel good, I promise!"
The bitch tricks me and he has the audacity to shush me as he keeps going, pulling back a couple times and readjusting and then continuing on. Once he's all the way in he stops. I guess we're both waiting for me to adjust, but how do you adjust to another guy's penis inside you for the first time. It hurts and feels really big.
And just like that it's like I am watching from outside my body. I can clearly see his piece of meat slide all the way in until it's buried and then pull out until I can see his corona. Damn, his fucking me looks hot. His sexy penis looks so cute and so inviting with a condom around it each glimpse I get of it as he pulls out. Wave after wave of something is coursing through my body, somewhere below me, somewhere within my body which is laying all the way down there on my bed.
My calves flex against his neck and shoulders each time he thrusts. My ankles are crossed over behind his back and my toes curl in synch with my calves. I think I am shooting my load until I realize that Adam's handiwork is causing my dick to drool. If I didn't feel him inside me, his body slamming against mine, the view alone down my chest and belly to my spread legs, bouncing erection and his crotch kissing my hips would be enough. A silent porno of just his inches disappearing into me and emerging could cause me to blow. But there is a fantastic sensation going on inside me.
I can feel him inside, hitting something wonderful. I can feel his movements in and out at my entrance and it's amazing. Like a gentle tickle, not annoying, but a more of massaging one. And he's grunting and it's hot! I am part yelping, part grunting, and panting in between and my own noises are turning me on. And then there's the wet sound of the actual act and it is hot and gets accentuated by his damp hips smacking against my sweaty hips.
I feel an unstoppable orgasm coming on so I rip my used condom off in time to shoot myself in the face with my own sperm. I rarely shoot hard enough to hit my face, but a beautiful dick in my ass apparently will do the trick!
As he pulls out of me one last time and leaves me with a void my moment or truth is here. I really thought I'd regret Adam being my first and not Benji, but I don't feel bad at all. Coming down from my orgasm I feel quite fine, if not wanting to burst for joy at having just gone all the way.
We don't exchange words. We just smile at each other and I start to laugh. In response to Adam's `what' I pull his naked body close and attack his lips with mine. We lounge around in my bed, basking in the afterglow of our milestone sexual achievement, holding each other tightly. I again idly run my hands through Adam's hair until his whimpers at my attention turn into the relaxed breathing of sleep.
We only doze shortly, when I open my eyes again Adam is smiling and looking right at me. We get under the sheets and snuggle, putting off dressing until I hear the front door creak open, "Get dressed. Now! 'Rents are home."
In a flash I grab my clothes and make a dash for the washroom. Fast enough that my parents, down the hall and around the corner in the mini foyer, can't possibly even have their shoes off yet. I flush the toilet for effect.
Hopping into my boxers I call out, "Mom, Dad, is that you?"
"Of course it is honey, who else would it be? The Boogedy Man," My mom laughs.
"I dunno, Brennan maybe. Oh and hey, look, I have a friend over. Adam, you've met him before," I lie as I do up the button of my pants, trying to plant a seed of doubt that maybe they have met him and just don't remember, "Yvonne gave me this cream stuff to wash the crap off my face. Adam needs some too so I invited him over."
"It's cold cream, honey. Most women have some," My mom states.
My dad pipes up, "Is it all off already? We never got a look at the finished product. I wanted to get a picture of you and Ben."
"It's all messed up now, but Yvonne got tonnes of pictures of everyone at school" I reveal, stepping out into the hallway, still naked above the waist to intercept my approaching parents. Speak of the devil, I run right into Yvonne.
"Well you sure look scary, I'll give you that," My mom kids as she takes in my face, which actually is the smeared results of Adam and I making out.
I stare at Yvonne, blinking out my lack of comprehension to her presence as if in Morse Code until she hugs me. She looks about to cry, "Hey Duncan. Your parents dropped off the Laukkanen's so I caught a ride with them over so we could finish that thing. I guess I'll clean your faces up before we get to it."
"Oh, yeah. That thing," I say as she pushes me into my room, allowing my parents to pass along to their bedroom at the end of the hall.
Yvonne closes the door over and takes in Adam and I. I don't make eye contact with Adam, or look his way in hopes of not giving us away. Yvonne just nods her head at me, "I could see the used condoms on your bed from the hallway."
"Oh," is all I can manage.
"Yes, oh," she repeats.
I'm suddenly ashamed, "Uh, well, I guess now you know about me huh?"
"Yes, this would seem to be the confirmation to my suspicions," Yvonne says, wrapping me in a hug.
Adam clears his throat, "I guess I should get going."
"Nonsense Adam. We need to get that makeup off your face and I don't want you getting all weird in the future. C'mon boys, grab your rubbers and flush them," She commands.
"Are you alright," I put my hand on her shoulder and ask Yvonne before we leave my room.
She turns and smiles at me, "No. Since you ask, no, I'm not. But I'm not heartbroken either Duncan. I'm your girlfriend and you violently flinch when my breasts accidentally brush you. I might have had a clue or two!"
"Yeah, it's not personal. If I were straight you would be the prefect girlfriend. You still are, even though," I say.
She points to the evidence on the bed and says "Grab those and lets get you two cleaned up."
After cleaning off, Adam and I take turns having a shower. While Adam has a quick one Yvonne and I talk things over. She wants to stay my girlfriend for now, until we figure out what the next step is. Our relationship has always been more friends than boyfriend-girlfriend, so really not much will change. She tries to appease me, "Duncan, you dweeb! Like I didn't know on some level. But what we have works."
Adam and I walk Yvonne home and head back to my place, "That was awk! You think she's going to tell on us?"
"No," I say, confident that she won't.
"O.K. Can I still sleep over," he asks.
After the events of the night I'd like to reflect on things alone, but the plan was to have sex, be on the couch when my parents came home and then have him stay over. Actually sleep with someone who cares enough to give me his body wholly and unconditionally. What a great plan! Realizing I have been stuck in my own head while he stares at me I answer, "Yeah, that's the plan!"
We strip down to boxers once we get back to my home. I leave the door slightly open so that my mom and dad don't get suspicious, and then take Adam into my bed. With only one condom left we have a race to see who can get fully erect first. Adam does, so as a gracious loser to our contest I crown his boner and remove my boxers. I let him chose how he wants to do this. After a little effort I am on all fours and he has breached my entry. We very quietly go at it until he bites down on the side of my neck. I twist onto my side so that I can finish myself off with him still in me and cum in Adam's hands. He cleans off one hand, I clean off the other and then I swallow his dick once we remove the condom from it and clean it good too.
I bunch my boxers up in front of me and scoot across the hall to the bathroom. Once I have cleaned myself up and flushed the latest evidence I slip my boxers back on and go back to my room. Walking into the room I get hit with the heady funk of what we've been up to. On a whiteboard on the back of the door is a note Brennan left me in September. `Mini-me, I'm only a phone call away. Love, Bren' it says. Beneath it I scribble the word candles. I slip into the blankets that Adam lifts for me. We make out before finding a comfortable position to doze off.
[to be continued]