If you are not 21 or over do not go any further. If you do not like man on man sex go no further.
This is the true story of how I arrived in blissful situation where I live the life of a happily married, white collar, suburban husband and father while occasionally serving a woman's role to service a male lover secretly.
I'm 37 years old and have been living this double life for 2 years now. Although I experimented with homosexually when I was younger, for the 14 years of my marriage I've repressed any activity to simple fantasy and internet porn. Then a few years ago I felt myself being drawn more and more to gay thoughts and desires. My fantasies turned more to being a "bottom", being a "sissy", "being "submissive" and providing sexual relief for another man. Using my hands, mouth and ass as a woman does to please a "man" - to release his seed, expecting nothing in return.
Prior to this, my gay real life experience was very brief and limited to rushed, awkward, anonymous encounters at rest stops, gay bar pickups when out of town for business and the like.
Here's how it started...
My first gay experience was during my senior year in college. I was tall and slim and would have been classified as a "preppy" type. Although I was clean cut and nice looking, I was very awkward and nervous with girls and did not have any luck dating. I also (like a lot of college kids) had very little money for taking girls out, and was treading water in a engineering program and working too damn hard to graduate in 4 years. I didn't have time for girls and figured that would work itself out once I graduated and I had a job and free time for a life...
However, I did start having some gay thoughts - which were accelerated by the Village Voice newspaper. The Voice had a great listing of all the NYC clubs and ads showing what bands were playing where. This section of the paper was circulated widely in the dorm for planning weekend forays into the city. One day I was killing time between classes at the library and picked up the latest edition of the Voice - and found that there was also a section in the back that listed personal ads. This was my first time reading gay and lesbian personal ads and I was blown away. Some of them were quite graphic and tantalizing. They offered "blow and go" and "no recip needed" whereas on the opposite page there were the straight ads for "long term commitment" and "relationship" situations requiring "marriage minded" and "financially secure" which I was far from.
Although I didn't have a girlfriend, I did have a rampant sexual need which was satiated with daily j/o sessions. During my first semester at college I got terrible grades. Aside from the workload, I explained to my parents about how difficult it was to study - my roommate was a goof off and the door was revolving with noisy visitor after noisy visitor. I was fortunate that my parents paid the extra money so I could have a single room. My grades improved greatly and a side benefit was that I had the ability to jerk off whenever I wanted.
I found myself occasionally fantasizing about being blown by a guy in a "blow and go" scenario. I privately wrestled with the morality of it. On one hand it seemed so dirty and wrong. On the other hand - it seemed like a perfect honesty: 2 guys being honest with each other, both of them being into it and getting what they want with no strings or hassles. It wasn't like misleading some "marriage minded" girl on a date. It also had an attraction as being something private and secretive. I had to give it a try.
I rented a mailbox at the nearby post office. I started to buy the Voice once a week and pour through the personal ads in the privacy of my room. I found myself gravitating toward older men, thinking I could trust them more than kids my age with my privacy concerns. I also thought that they'd be less inclined to make fun of my thin, non muscular body or my small, thin cock. I clipped out the ads that interested me and after a few weeks I had a small pile of ads to reply to. One Saturday I sat down and hand wrote my responses - very brief, just saying my basic stats and that I was not outright gay but wanting to try, looking for privacy and discretion, etc.
I got responses from all of them, but one I liked more than the others. He was in his 40's and lived in Queens. He included a photo of himself wearing a suit, sitting in an armchair looking bored - at some sort of family function. It was enough for me to see that he was a big, bear shaped guy - which was quite a turn on for me. He had nice handwriting and sounded cool. He also included his phone number encouraging me to call anytime and we could try to get together. The next Friday night I called from a pay phone off campus but only got his answering machine. I decided not to leave a message and hung up. Late on Saturday morning I got up the courage to call him again. I almost couldn't talk and was so nervous when he answered the phone with a deadpan "Hello?". I haltingly introduced myself and he seemed to brighten as he remembered me.
After a minute of talking he suggested that we could get together today and see if we hit it off. I told him I was coming from Hoboken and he offered that we could meet halfway in Manhattan or I could take the train out to Queens and we could meet and go for a cup of coffee, or lunch just to talk. I told him I liked the idea of coming out his way and he gave me directions. He would meet me at the street level - he'd be in a silver New Yorker. We agreed on a time and said goodbye.
My mind was racing, I was nervous but horny and excited at the same time. I jogged back to my dorm and took a shower - taking extra care to clean 'down there', and 'back there', not having any idea where things would end up. I dressed in jeans, button down shirt, sneakers and wore the beige windbreaker I told him to recognize me by.
I got off the train at his station and looked around. I saw what looked like the car and started tentatively walking toward it. There was someone behind the wheel and he flashed the headlights which confirmed my thoughts. As I approached I saw it was him and as I walked up he reached over and unlocked the passenger door, which I took as a signal to join him. I opened the door and looked across the seat at him. He looked very much the same as he did in the picture, except he wasn't wearing a tie. I nervously asked if he was Howard - he smiled and said "Yes, why don't you come in - we can drive someplace if you want". As I got in we shook hands and he started with small talk about the trip in, the weather. Then he pulled over to the curb asked what I wanted to do...and let the question hang there. I felt myself blush as I stammered that I really didn't know, I've never, you know, like done this. He said he thought it would help if we
just talked for a while - was I hungry did I want to go out for a late lunch? Perhaps I'd be more comfortable if we just drove around and talked? I said yes to driving around - I had butterflies in my stomach and couldn't think of eating or drinking anything.
As we drove he talked about himself and did a very good job of asking questions to draw me in carefully. He came across as a normal, regular guy. He said he dated women from time to time, but was having difficulty finding the right one. He asked if I wanted to go into the city to hang out at a real gay bar. I wasn't ready for that I mentioned how nervous I was, and that although it seemed unlikely I was afraid someone I knew would see me, going in, coming out of, or 'heaven forbid' actually inside a gay bar! He was very cool about it - said that he felt a little too old for those places and preferred to keep his privacy. He suggested that maybe we could go back to his place and hang out. I thought that would be a good step further and agreed.
He drove to his apartment, parked and I walked up with him. It was a nice apartment complex in a nice looking neighborhood When we got in it was clear that the bachelor wasn't expecting company - the place was a mess - stacks of laundry, dishes piled in the kitchen and on end tables in the living room. He quickly apologized and moved a few piles of stuff around as he took my drink order. I sat on the couch and he sat in a reclining chair in the living room. I noticed a stack of porno movies and commented on it - he asked if I'd like to watch one and I said 'sure'. He got up and put one in and then he closed the blinds making the room quite dim. We were watching for a few moments talking back and forth about the action - then he asked if he could join me on the couch. I looked over at him - he had taken his suit jacket off and was partly reclined back. Even though the room was dim, I could see that his trousers were tented up covering a
huge hard-on. I said yes and self consciously slide over a little to make room and pretended to watch the movie. As he sat down he started to touch me. He leaned in and nuzzled and kissed my neck and told me to relax. His hands were much larger than mine and as we kissed he unbuttoned my shirt and reached in to caress one of my nipples. As he leaned against me I felt his thick cock against me and reached down to stroke it through his pants. He whispered that I was hot and that he wanted to see my body. I felt like putty in his hands, my head was spinning, my cock was throbbing and I liked the feeling of being in the arms of this big man. I wanted to see him naked, to see that huge cock of his. He got up and lead me to the bedroom by my hand.
I undressed myself and he did the same. I took in the sight in front of me. He was taller than me, probably 6'-2" and thick around the chest and belly - but not flabby. He had a huge nut sack hanging and what looked like 8 or 9 inches of thick circumcised cock sticking straight out. My thin 5'10" frame with 145 pounds on it seemed tiny in comparison . My 5 inch cock was erect and standing straight up. As he came over to me I couldn't help gasp that his cock was huge. He took me into a gentle embrace and we stood there for a moment holding and stroking each other. He reached down and gave my small nut sack a little jingle. He turned me around and pulled me into a hug with my back pressed against him. I started to panic thinking that he was going to ram his monster up my hole standing there, but instead he ran his hands over my body, tickling and exciting me. He played with my nipples and nibbled my ear as I leaned back against him and
stroked his cock which was against my hip.
Both his hands came down from my chest, slowly tracing their way along my sides, to my hips, cupping down under my ass cheeks. He squeezed my ass cheeks as I leaned back against him, stroking his cock. His hands parted my ass and I felt his fingers gently brush against my puckered hole. He whispered into my ear, asking if I wanted to lay down on the bed, I gasped out a yes and he led me over to his king size bed. In a moment he was on top of me, I was laying on my back and he was pressed up against me. He asked me to reach down and hold his cock and as I did he started pumping, making his cock glide along my abs and through my hands. He started to really buck with incredible power. He was wheezing and in ecstasy but he kept pounding away. His full weight was on me and I could hardly move as he pumped away. I was confused and a little disappointed. I thought he was going to fuck me but he seemed content to rub off against me. I was
also scared because my virgin hole was not ready for a cock as big as his and his thrusting was so powerful it was frightening.
His strong grip and ramming was practically knocking the wind out of me. After a few long minutes he started grunting out for me to "hold him". "Hold me, hold me!" He was so powerful and also so needy. I pulled my hands out from between us and brought them around his torso, gently stroking his back and his ass and the backs of his thighs. I brought my knees up and brought my feet out and behind his legs. In this way I started to rock with him as he thrust into me. I whispered to him "I'm here baby, you got me". He grunted and thrust his cock in between us in a few long jabs and I knew he was cumming. He collapsed on me and laid still. I stroked his back and let him catch his breath. He must have sensed that he was suffocating me, because he move his knees up and shifted some of his weight there, gulping air and catching his breath as he remained over me, panting and sweating.
We held each other and I felt very content - I knew he blew his load and needed to rest and I was happy to lay there smoothing my hands down his back. After a while he rolled to one side and propped himself up with one arm to look at me. He admired my body below his and I was shocked at the quantity of thick white cum covering my belly and chest. He started to run his finger through it and trace shapes on my body, like he was painting me with it. I reached out with a finger to join him, but he stopped me. "No - don't touch that" he said firmly. "I haven't been tested in a while". I froze in absolute terror. He added "if you want we can get tested together and then you can suck down every drop". He probably meant this as a compliment but I was horrified...in the throes of passion I had stopped thinking about safe sex and here I was covered in this strangers cum.
He went to the bathroom and came back with a towel and wiped me down. He sat beside me and started stroking my cock and my nipples. He produced a tube of gel which he used to get my cock all slick.. As one hand was pumping my shaft quite expertly the other was tickling my nuts and rubbing against my rosebud. He was trying to get me hot but I was too freaked out about the cum and aids thoughts going through my head that I remained soft. I touched his hand gently and told him "That's OK, I really just wanted to get you off...one of my nuts go squished back when you were thrusting away and I'm still a little sensitive". He stopped and apologized and we laughed about it. He looked down at me and rested a hand on my hip. "You seem so nice and young - I really wanted to get my cock into you, but I felt that tiny hole of yours and knew that I'd hurt you. You are so hot and that soft little ass of yours is cute - I'd love to my cock in there and
give you my cum when you're ready for it." I beamed up at him, his appeal to my vanity was working and I felt like he really appreciated having me there. I told him that I'd like that, and laughed about how I was afraid that his huge cock would split me. He leaned down and kissed me.
I thought we might be heading into a second round, so I asked hesitantly if he had a condom. I was shocked when he said "Yes, but I'm not into ass-play or anything messy, so you're going to need to work that asshole of yours loose or maybe come back after you'd had some dildo practice". I felt like I had just gotten dumped! It seemed like every emotion flooded through my body in the last two hours and I was confused and mentally spent. He started talking about getting me a dildo so next time I saw him my 'pussy' was ready for him. He was stroking my leg and I noticed his cock was starting to stand back up. As he sat beside me on the edge of the bed he brought a hand up to one of my breasts and started squeezing very softly, lovingly. He brought his head down and started to kiss and suckle the nipple. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax and enjoy the feeling. As he tapered off he moved he mouth to my neck, kissing and
nibbling. He whispered to me "when we were on the couch and i touched your nipple for the first time you whimpered, and I knew you wanted me to be your man". I took his cock in my hand and gave it a squeeze and a stroke. It was thick enough that I couldn't close my fingers around it. As I stroked him pre cum started to leak out and I rubbed it around the head.
He looked down at me stroking him and said "You are so hot baby, I want you to roll over so I can titty fuck your soft ass". I grinned up at him and asked in a mock sweet voice "are you going clean me up when your done?" as I moved into the center of the bed. I rolled over and laid flat on my stomach and looked over as he rummaged for the lube. He started lubing and jacking his cock and he told me to lift my ankles and slightly spread my legs to give him access and the view he wanted. I felt so vulnerable and was so embarrassed I buried my face in the sheets and covered my head with my arms. I felt the bed shift with his weight as he made his way up behind me. His two hands were on my ass, spreading me open and I knew he was looking at my rosebud, thinking about putting his cock in me.
I felt cold lube landing on my crack and felt him move his body closer, with his knees up against my thighs. His thick shaft landed between my cheeks and he started rubbing back and forth. I felt submissive beneath him, I was being used for his pleasure. It was a surprising turn on and I felt my cock getting hard from the movement of my own body against the bed.. I was amazed with how good this felt - I started the day thinking I'd get getting a blow job and here I was being used as the fuck toy. He started pounding away wildly and calling out that he needed me, I felt so good.. I whispered back "I'm here for you baby, my ass is for you, give me that powerful dick" hoping that the slutty talk would help him know that I was enjoying him. He grunted and I felt liquid spurting onto the small of my back.
He collapsed beside me on the bed staring up at the ceiling, gasping for air. I reached over and smoothed the hair on his chest and felt his heart racing. "Thank you baby, that felt great to me, I loved feeling you on me like that". I rubbed his chest and neck as he relaxed and closed his eyes.
After a few moments he held my hand and looked over at me. He asked if I was ready for him to 'take care of me'. "No, I'm happy that we got you off twice, that was really great".
He rolled toward me and gave me a kiss. "You are the best lay I've had in a long time" he said as he moved my hand down to his nut sack. "Hold these gently for me" he whispered into my ear. "After we get tested I'm gonna give you my cum to taste".
I felt myself blush and snuggled against him. He laughed lightly and nibbled me ear. "You'd like that wouldn't you baby?" he prodded.
"Yes" I heard myself say with a gentle rub to his sack.
After a while he got up and cleaned my back off with a towel. As we got dressed he politely offered to take me out to dinner, I declined. I was overwhelmed and needed to get away and think about everything that just happened. I was so confused with everything - my passive role, the joy I had in pleasing another man, the AIDS testing, my actually wanting a cock in my ass!
He drove me back to the train station and we said our goodbyes in the car. I felt like we were out 'in public' and didn't want to be too affectionate. I think he sensed that so he reached over and massaged my neck with his closest hand. He told "I really had a lot of fun, if you want to get together call me and let's do it. It doesn't just have to be sex, we could go out to a movie, or a concert or a Yankee game if you want. But don't get me wrong - the sex was great and you are a hot little piece of tail. You can be my girl anytime."
I blushed a 'thank you' and told him I had a great time. He smirked and said "I had a great time, and don't feel funny about wanting to help another guy get off. Some guys are like that -wanting to be a bottom for their man. I'm cool with that, hell I love it. Now I know you didn't cum this time - if you don't want to cum that's ok too. If we're going to see each other again you have a say in what we do - I want to make sure your happy too."
His hand moved up from my shoulder to the back of my neck. I was beat red with embarrassment as I looked over at him. "I, I liked doing what we did, you know, getting you off. It made me feel good, knowing that I was helping you. I really liked being beneath you, under your body. It was much more intimate than just a blow and go. I wouldn't mind doing more, you know, like that. As long as we're clean and safe I'd enjoying getting you off more...and it's not important to get me off.."
"Good" he said, "and next time jerk off I want you to think of me being on top of you, and slipping my cock into your ass. When you're ready for it I want you to loosen that hole of yours up. If you're able to take my cock I'd love to mount your hot ass and fuck you like a prom queen." I laughed and blushed "OK Howard, it'll probalby be a while before I can take a cock like yours, but I'll work on it."
We shook hands goodbye and as I slid out of the car. As I walked to the train platform I felt overhelmingly sexy. I knew he was watching me; I knew he was thinking about our next visit; I knew our little chat had given him a new hard-on and he'd probably be jerking off thinking of me.
I knew I needed to gather my thoughts and figure out what the next step would be. I had his number.
End part 1