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Life's Illusions - 10 years on - Chapter 29
In the months after Pauly died there was a dark shadow which settled over the whole family.
It invaded every household.
For PJ and Lenny the loss of one of their firstborns was a hammer blow, they hadn't talked about it, they couldn't, each choosing to deal with it in their own way, unsuccessfully, a huge mistake.
At Chateau Beauchene, the same format was playing out, Beth had withdrawn, social events were a no no, she shunned any conversation where Pauly were mentioned, Dave tried to help but Beth didn't want to know, he couldn't get through to her.
At Montclair there was a similar pattern, though Pete was still travelling around the world to accomplish his financial goals, whenever Pauly's name were mentioned Pete would disappear, refusing to be a part of any conversation where ultimately he may have to acknowledge Pauly was dead.
Woody mistakenly followed Pete's lead, work was all important, the mere mention of Pauly's name was a sure sign that Woody had suddenly found important work which needed his immediate attention, there had been numerous occasions where Jacqueline had turned to find herself talking to an empty room, Woody had left at the mere mention of Pauly's name.
In Chicago, Billy had been a mess for months, any mention of Pauly was enough to reduce him to tears, often a sobbing wreck, Jay and Jolly were at a loss, they just didn't know how to help him, he wouldn't talk about it.
Reece was just oblivious, he hadn't left their villa in nearly four months, his days consisted of sitting in the garden, or on the terrace, staring into the distance, often with a tear streaked face, his evenings drinking beer on the terrace, before falling into bed drunk.
Sofia, had failed in trying to get through to her Poppa, in desperation she'd turned to her grandparents for help, but neither had returned her calls, she felt hurt, lonely, abandoned.
Finally, it was a chance call by Aly that broke the spell.
Aly had called to speak to Reece, but at ten o'clock in the evening Reece was well past holding a conversation, Aly had chatted with Sofia, the outcome had been an irate Aly marching into Chateau Montclair.
Lenny, PJ, Woody, Beth and Pete were totally unprepared for the tongue lashing Aly was about to unleash.
He'd sent a message to Beth, insisting she be at Montclair that evening to discuss important family business.
Next he'd called Jacqueline, following their conversation she'd agreed to brief Jaque.
His last call was to Dave, he listened then agreed he'd accompany Beth to Montclair.
When Aly arrived at Montclair his first stop was the Housekeeper, after a brief conversation he'd secured her agreement to do as he asked once he gave her the okay.
Next he entered the main salon, there he found all of the family, including Woody's and Pete's children, his first request was to the children.
"Hi kids, I'm really sorry to upset your evening but I need to speak with your Parents, Grandparents and your Aunt, would you leave us please, I promise I'll find a way to make it up to you soon".
The children gathered their games and left the room, as Beth spoke.
"What's this about Aly?, I expected everyone would know why I was summoned here, but it seems no one else knew you were coming".
Aly waited until the children had left, then, nodding to the housekeeper he watched as she closed the salon door, hearing the distinct sound of the lock being turned, then he turned on them.
"I'm here to deliver a well deserved bollocking to most of the people in this room".
He paused as he looked at the surprised faces.
Lenny started to speak but he cut her off.
"When I'm finished, you can have your say, not before".
There was not a sound from anyone.
"Anyone here remember someone called Pauly Caswel-Thorn?".
There was an audible gasp at the mention of Pauly's name.
Pete was the first to react, standing and heading to the door as he spoke.
"I don't have time for this nonsense, I have work to do".
At the door it was almost comical to see the confusion on Pete's face as the door wouldn't open.
Aly continued.
"It's locked Pete and it will remain locked until you lot get your heads from up your arses, only then will it be opened, now sit back down, you've avoided this for long enough, either we resolve this tonight or I for one will wash my hands of this family for ever".
Pete looked furious, but resignedly, he sat back down.
"Pauly Caswel-Thorn, one of my most precious heroes, the boy who helped make my childhood magical, the man who inspired me, gave me hope that I could be accepted when I realised I was gay, the man I aspired to be like, I loved him, all my life I've loved him, I still do, I won't forget him, he meant so much to me, and yet you lot won't even speak his name, it's like he's been erased from the family, then there's Reece, he's in a terrible place right now, Sofia is at her wits end, she can't get through to him, she needs help, she's a child, which of you have reached out to him, speak up if you've tried to help him, none of you can, because none of you have, I really hope Pauly's watching, he'll be disgusted with all of you, every one of you so wrapped up in your own grief you seem to think pretending Pauly didn't exist will make it all okay, well I've got news for you, it doesn't, it makes it a hundred times worse".
At first there was just silence, then Woody spoke up angrily.
"What gives you the right to come here and be so rude Aly?, how we mourn is our business, I don't need you to tell me how I should act, now get out of my house".
Aly nodded and started for the door, he didn't get far before Jacqueline jumped up.
"Stay where you are Aly".
Aly stopped as Jacqueline turned on Woody.
"You don't own this house, you don't get to eject people I invite in".
She saw the look of surprise in Woody's expression.
"Yes Woody, I invited Aly, I knew why he was coming and I welcomed it, I'm sick of how you're all behaving, I loved Pauly, he was my brother in law, a wonderful person, I miss him so much, but I can't even mention his name, it's as if he didn't exist, Aly's right you should be ashamed of yourselves, Aly is going nowhere until this is resolved, and mark my words Woody, if it's not resolved, Aly won't be the only one leaving, I can't live in this atmosphere any longer".
This time Pete responded, looking quite smug.
"Cut the dramatics Jacqueline, I agree with Woody, Jaque and I are telling Aly to get out too".
Jacqueline turned on Woody.
"You still want Aly to leave?".
Woody nodded his answer.
Aly replied.
"Very well, but before I go I have one last thing to say".
He turned to PJ and Lenny.
"In you two I'm really disappointed, for years you've preached your family values garbage, and that's what it is really isn't it?, you allowed this to happen, you disrespect Pauly in the worst possible way, pretending he didn't exist, your granddaughter has tried reaching out to you, you've shunned her, left her isolated when she needs you the most, I really hope Pauly is watching, you're nothing but a pair of two faced, lying hypocrites".
Aly knocked on the salon door, they all heard the key turn, he opened the door, turning to Woody, he tapped the palm of his hand, where both he and Woody had scars signifying their blood brother status, before saying.
"Liar".
Then he left them.
Woody found that one word, and it's meaning, the most difficult part of the evening.
As Aly left Dave and Jaque stood up, Dave watched Aly leave then turned to address the others.
"It seams you are all determined to justify your pathetic behaviour by insulting our friend, making him out to be the villain, well if that's how you want this to play out so be it, but I for one agree with Jacqueline, if you won't listen, won't change your ways, I want no further part of this family".
Jaque now spoke for the first time, leaving Pete completely speechless.
"Well said Dave, I agree, and Pete, don't you ever again assume you speak for me, whilst there's shit like this coming from your mouth you don't".
At that Jacqueline, Jaque and Dave walked out of the room, closing the door behind them, leaving complete silence.
PJ was the first to speak, surprising everyone, he didn't rant, just made a simple statement which shocked them.
"Aly was right, they all are, everything they said is true".
It was Lenny who spoke next, tears streaming down her face.
"I agree, I lost my beautiful, sweet boy, worse, I wasn't there, I didn't see it coming, I couldn't take it, somewhere along the way I blocked it out, justified what I was doing by believing if I didn't acknowledge it, it hadn't happened, between us all we allowed this to happen, we're all to blame, it's time we took stock, we have to put this right, Pauly's gone, but he was an important part of all our lives, we should be helping the really hurt ones left behind like Reece, Sofia and the boys".
She paused a moment while PJ hugged her.
"Pete, Beth, Woody, you have some serious fences to mend, PJ, come with me, we need to find Aly, I want to thank him, hug him".
Aly was in the bar at The Inn when Lenny and PJ walked in, he hoped this wouldn't get ugly, but in truth, he was in no mood to take any crap.
"If you've come to administer a tongue lashing, be warned, in this establishment I can, and will, have you ejected, whatever your family connections".
PJ just smiled, Lenny walked towards him with her arms outstretched.
"You always were wise beyond your years child, come give me a hug, I need desperately to thank you for saving me, saving us".
Aly was overjoyed.
"I'm sorry I was so brutal, but I didn't see any other way, and I didn't seem to be getting through".
Lenny shushed him.
"You said what needed saying, though I admit I heard definite tones of your mother in that tongue lashing".
They both chuckled before Lenny went on.
"I've spoken with Sofia, I understand better now what motivated you, we're flying back tomorrow, Reece needs help, so does Sofia, we're awake again Aly, that's all thanks to you, bless you child".
Aly had his back to the door as he embraced Lenny.
"What about Woody, how does he feel?".
Lenny whispered the answer.
"Why don't you ask him, he's behind you".
Aly turned to find Woody holding up his palm, the scar evident.
"I didn't lie, I'm not a liar, take it back now"
Aly walked to him, raised his own palm, brought the two palms together.
"I take it back, I'm sorry, Brothers forever, whatever, for life".
Woody repeated the saying.
"Brothers forever, whatever, for life".
Then they were hugging.
The following day Reece was surprised when PJ and Lenny arrived at the villa with Woody.
Reece was unshaven, unwashed, in crumpled clothes.
Woody asked his parents to give him some time with Reece, then he headed out to the patio where Reece had settled.
"Do you remember when Rosie died?, the circumstances were vastly different, but for me, that was the first loss I'd ever experienced, I still feel some of what I felt then, it never goes away".
Woody watched Reece, he didn't seem to be listening, but Woody knew he was.
"For a long time, I felt as though a part of me had died, there was a deep, deep, hurt, an ache that nothing seemed able to cure, it eased over time but for a long time it didn't seem like it would ever leave me".
He was watching Reece, he knew there was some interest in what he was saying.
"I regret, bitterly, I didn't get to speak to my brother before he died, it hurt so much, it brought all those feelings for Rosie back to the surface, I didn't get to speak to either of them, and I had so much, no that's wrong, even after all this time, I have so much I want to say to each of them".
Now Woody could see a definite interest.
"In Rosie's case I made peace long ago with the fact that she was troubled, didn't mean to hurt me, but Pauly, that was ten times worse than I remember it being with Rosie".
Woody paused to collect his thoughts.
At first I thought he'd deliberately kept me at arms length, my head told me stupid, silly things, that he must have not loved me, he must have wanted me to suffer, I couldn't take that so I shut it out, refused to have Pauly mentioned, if I didn't allow it into my thoughts, then it hadn't happened".
Now he saw it, the fleeting changes of expression as Reece recognised some of the points Woody had mentioned.
"If I'd had the chance to talk to Pauly, I wonder what we would have said, I think I would have been urging him to be strong keep fighting, and that's silly really because I know with everything you guys had, and the children, Pauly wouldn't voluntarily give up on life".
Woody was watching intently, so we're PJ, Lenny and Sofia inside the villa.
"But what would Pauly have said to me?, he would have told me how much he loved me, it's a no brainier, I don't have any doubts on that subject, not now I've woken up, Pauly loved me, and I loved him, he was one of my heroes, I've always loved him, that won't change, but I can't tell him now".
Woody new he had Reece's attention now.
"I think, no, I'm certain, he would have asked me to swear my promise on several things, things he felt were important, things he knew were important enough to make sure they were done, and if he'd done that I would be bound by those promises, bound because I made those promises, bound because Pauly found it necessary to have me swear I would honour them".
It was almost too quiet to hear but Woody caught it.
"Stop it Woody"
Woody was on a roll, a reaction, quiet, but a reaction non the less.
"Can't do that Reece, you see I didn't get to make any promises to Pauly, other than the unspoken ones I'll always honour towards my brother, but you Reece, that's a totally different kettle of fish isn't it?".
Woody paused, he could see the tears rolling down Reece's face, his own face a similar picture.
"You made promises Reece, I know you did, it was Pauly's way, all my life he made me promise things, he needed to have them boxed off, ticked off in his mind, except this time it would have been more important to him than ever that he got those promises, so I'm betting you lied to him".
Woody expected a reaction but even he was taken by surprise.
Reece was out of his chair, his hands around Woody's throat.
"Don't you dare, you say one more word and I swear I'll rip your throat open, I didn't lie, I just can't do what I said, he's gone, I can't do it".
Woody had seen his parents and Sofia rush out from the villa, he'd signalled them to stay back, he knew this was risky.
"So you fuckin lied to Pauly, you gave him your word, liar, liar liar".
Reece snapped, he punched Pauly so hard it propelled him backwards into the pool.
For what seemed like forever he watched Woody as he hit the water, floating face down, quiet at last.
Then the screams brought him out of his fog, the screams of his daughter and Lenny, he registered as PJ launched himself into the pool in an effort to save his son, it was enough, it did what Woody had all along intended, it gave Reece a purpose, to save Woody.
In an instant he was into the pool, pushing PJ aside, he had Woody lifted above the water, carried him to the side, placed him on the tiled surface before he cleared the airway and started CPR.
"Come on Woody, breathe, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry".
Woody had lost it, the punch was the most violent he'd ever experienced and Woody was no wimp, he'd administered some serious blows of his own, but Reece was a powerhouse, fired by the adrenaline Woody had built, he saw the balled fist coming, then it was lights out.
Reece was sobbing, but he didn't falter, it was like seeing Pauly die all over again.
Woody spluttered, coughing out water.
He opened his eyes, focusing on Reece.
"You're trying to save me now right, because I didn't enjoy the kill Woody part".
For Reece it was too much, he scooped Woody into an embrace, sobbing loudly.
"I'm sorry Woody, I'm so sorry, thank you, I get it, but I'm sorry I hurt you, I made you a promise years ago, if Pauly wasn't around, I'd keep you safe, and I tried to kill you, seems I'm not good with promises".
Woody wasn't fazed.
"These aren't normal circumstances Reece so we deal with them in our own way, I made you react, I had to, I caused what just happened so we can forget that, and at least you got a wash, because quite frankly, you smell Bro".
Reece laughed, for the first time in what seemed like forever, he actually laughed.
"Woody I nearly killed you and you're cracking jokes, come on let's get you cleaned up".
Later, sitting out again on the patio Woody asked.
"So what did he ask of you Reece, what promises did you make?".
Reece looked deep in thought before he reeled them off.
"I'm not allowed to try to follow him until my natural time is up, I promised to live out my life as I was meant to, live life for both of us, be there for the children, experience as much as I can".
Reece had to pause to gain control of his emotions.
"The next promise, he said was him being a little paranoid, but he wasn't, he was right, he said he had this idea that I'd become a sort of recluse, never leaving the villa, he made me promise, after three months I'd accept invitations to whatever comes up".
Once again it was all proving too much for Reece, he started to sob, his voice breaking, but he carried on.
"When I didn't answer him he changed it, I promised him at the very least I'd go to Lanzarote with the children for Christmas, and Montclair in the summer, as he put it, that would be enough to get me started".
Woody could see there was more.
"There was one more thing Pauly wanted, he wanted me to promise, if love came along again I wouldn't turn it down because of him, because of us".
Reece was still sobbing, clearly he was reliving the conversation with Pauly.
"I told him I couldn't promise that, I told him I'd never love anyone else, but you know Pauly, he tricked me, said if I was so sure it wouldn't happen there was no problem making the promise, and I did, I promised him that I wouldn't turn down love if it came along again, I will have to break that promise if it ever happens".
Woody could see Reece was done.
"Well it seems you overran on the reclusive promise but I reckon Pauly would cut you a little slack, because promise number two is about to be fulfilled, get packing Bro, you're coming back to Montclair, you need to thank Aly for reading us all the riot act and getting us to pull our heads out of our arses, oh boy did he go to town on that one, amongst other things he called Momma and Poppa hypocrites".
TBC
ARB Allan
Comments are welcome to cfgw2000@aol.com.
Thank you for giving me your time, enjoy.