Little Big Man

LITTLE BIG MAN – a serial novel by Travis Creel

CHAPTER FOUR: MAY

Previously: Alex competed for – and, to his astonishment, won – the title of "Wisconsin's Little Big Man", which entitles him to a $25,000 scholarship and an invitation to the national contest in June. He does not know that the contest is a fraud run by four Russians with nefarious intentions. Months later, Alex has been ordered to write an account of the contest by one of those Russians, Dmitri, to whom Alex is clearly subservient. From time to time, Dmitri interjects commentary into Alex's narrative.

Alex has developed a friendship with a fellow diver named Matti, to whom (despite his identification as `straight') he is inexplicably drawn. He discovers that Matti, from the neighboring state of Minnesota, is also a Little Big Man entrant. Matti has invited him to attend his upcoming state contest.

Alex has a bad relationship with his father, because three years ago he accidentally killed his twin brother Adam while driving drunk.

The term LHI stands for Latent Homosexuality Index', a scientific measure of the extent to which a straight' man might subconsciously be attracted to other men.

ALEX: SATURDAY, MAY 7 - SUPERIOR, WISCONSIN

Finals in less than two weeks. After what just happened, how could I concentrate on them now? All I wanted to think about was my upcoming trip around the world. And the twenty-five thousand dollars I had just won.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Zach and Emilio insisted on taking me out to celebrate. I stopped after two beers, knowing all too painfully that bad things could happen when I got drunk. The others got pleasantly blitzed. Emilio had finished second, and they surprised him by giving an extra $500 prize to the runner-up.

The runner-up to ME. I still couldn't believe it.

I wanted to tell the whole world and then realized I didn't have a whole world to tell. I couldn't tell Coach or anyone else at school – so far as they were concerned I was at a wedding.

Matti obviously came to mind. But he had Regionals today, and I didn't want to distract him. Besides, I'd feel awkward celebrating my victory when his contest was still coming up and he had only a small chance of winning. I'd tell him afterwards.

But there was one person I COULD tell. One person it would be a pleasure to tell.

• Dad?

• . . .

• Dad? It's Alex.

• Yeah, I know it's fuckin' Alex. I only have one son left, you made sure of that. So what the hell do you want? It better not be money.

• It's not, Dad. I have good news. I won the contest.

• What? The fuckin' contest I spoke to them about? How could you win that? I told them what kind of person you were.

• Yeah, well maybe that helped me. They could see what kind of family I had to overcome.

• Is that why you called me up? To fuckin' insult me?

• No, to tell you I won. I won the scholarship. I won twenty-five thousand dollars.

• . . .

• Dad?

• You won twenty-five thousand fuckin' dollars?

• And I'm going on a trip around the world this summer. I won't get back until just before school starts. So I won't be home this summer. Just for the two weeks between school and the trip.

• You got twenty-five thousand dollars and you still expect to stay here?

• I don't have the money yet, Dad. Not until June.

• Fine, but you're not freeloading off me. You want to stay here, you'll pay rent. A hundred a week and that's generous. You pay me when you get the money. And if you don't – don't bother showing up here again.

• I need that money for my education, Dad.

• That's your problem, not mine. (Click.)

Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

And that was supposed to be a satisfying phone call.

ALEX: SUNDAY, MAY 8 - SUPERIOR, WISCONSIN

This phone call, received the following morning, was more pleasant:

• Yo, Alex.

• Matti! Hey! How'd it go?

• Well, you're speaking to the Division II Great Lakes Regional springboard champion, that's how it went.

• Wow! Super! Matti, that's so great. So you're going to nationals!

• Yeah, in two weeks. Platform's this afternoon, so I'm still here in Minneapolis.

• Damn, I'm sorry I missed it. I was – they were driving me back here, got home about two yesterday afternoon.

• And?

• No, no, you first.

He took me through the details of the springboard competition, how he was in third until the last dive, and won by a hair because he'd saved his highest degree of difficulty for last and nailed it. He was still basking in the glow and I imagined the smile on his face as he was talking. It made me want to be with him so much.

• Your turn. How was the contest?

Okay, moment of truth. Or, in this case, moment of half-truth.

• I made the top ten.

• Hey, congratulations.

I didn't lie – technically. I did make the top ten. Is it my fault if he assumed I didn't get further? (Don't answer that question.) I would spill the beans eventually – I'd have to, I mean, I was going on the world cruise all summer and –

Oh, shit. I was going on the world cruise all summer. Which meant I wouldn't see Matti all summer. Now I really didn't want to tell him I'd won.

• Any advice?

• Be yourself. The guy who won really relaxed during the Q&A session at the end, and was spontaneous and not at all careful about what he said. I think that's what made the difference.

• So who won? What were they looking for?

• Who knows? I don't understand why he won, actually. I didn't think he was as good-looking as some of the others. Oh – here's something interesting. They give a prize for second place. Five hundred dollars. My friend Emilio got it.

• Your friend Emilio? You work fast.

• Jealous?

Omigod, I don't believe I just said that. But he did sound jealous, and I enjoyed that he sounded jealous. I wanted him to be jealous. Why did I want him to be jealous? I'm not gay, dammit. I don't think Matti is, either. But he sure is dropping a lot of hints.

The interesting thing is – I don't mind. I just want to see him again.

• Should I be jealous?

• Yeah, he's my boyfriend now. We went back to the hotel and fucked like rabbits.

• I wish you every happiness.

• Thank you.

• So can you come down to TC next weekend for my contest?

I wanted to, I wanted to. Nietzsche. My paper on Frigga. Those Renaissance paintings. Finals.

• I'll have to see if there's a late bus I can catch back. What would it cost?

• Didn't you get three-fifty from them last night?

Oh, that. Well, no, I didn't get that, because they're paying me twenty-five thousand instead. Only I don't get that until I show up on their boat in a month. Ummm –

• I don't have it yet. They said they'd mail it to us.

• Listen, I've got some cash. I'll pay for your tickets, and you pay me back when you get your check.

• Really? Oh, jeez, thanks, Matti. That would help a lot.

Now I'll have to go. I have no excuse. I'll just have to work my butt off this week so that I can give up most of my weekend before finals.

• I want you there, Alex.

I want me there, too, Matti. I don't understand why, but I want me there very badly.

ALEX: SATURDAY, MAY 14 - MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA

Okay, I've worked like a dog this whole week. Nietzsche test conquered, my friggin' Frigga paper finished, and I have Renaissance paintings bleeding out my nose. I've been a good boy and I deserve a treat. So off to the Twin Cities I go.

There was one bus line that went from Superior to Minneapolis, via Duluth. I caught a 2:00 bus to get there by six. The theater was not far from the bus station and I could walk it in fifteen minutes. There should be time to have a beer afterwards before catching a bus back at 11:30 – if I missed that, there was another one at 12:40.

I found a diner and had fish and a salad – no burger and fries for me if I wanted a beer later, gotta keep in shape. And then I walked to the theater, arriving a little after 7:30.

I handicapped Matti's chances. In my eyes he was handsome, but he had that round Finnish face and maybe those female judges wouldn't be drawn to that. I knew he looked magnificent in a Speedo, but had no strong feel for his Academics. If he could get to the top ten, I was sure he could get to the top five. But could he get out of the first two rounds?

He could. "Matteus Laukkonen, University of Minnesota at Duluth" (ah, he was `Matteus' again) looked cool and confident (and terrific) in the Tuxedo round and when the cut was made, he was named second. As an Accounting Major, I wasn't sure how he would do in the Academic round, which focused more on general knowledge. But he advanced to the Speedo competition, where I knew Matti would knock them dead.

Until I saw the competition. There were several other guys capable of dead-knocking. Although, in my eyes, Matti was top-of-the-line in this competition, I couldn't be sure what the judges saw. So I was tense when Thomas McCord announced the finalists:

• From the University of Minnesota, Justin Fleming. From the University of Minnesota at Duluth, Matteus Laukkonen. From St. Cloud State University, Wei Zhu. From the University of Minnesota, Darius Griffith. From Carleton College, Andrew Koessler.

Now my heart was in my mouth. He was top five, baby! All sorts of fantasies started to run through my head. Imagine if he actually won – we would go around the world together! We would have all summer to spend together. We would –

Hold on, Alex. He has a twenty percent chance of winning this thing. That means there's an eighty percent chance of him losing. And the fact that he came this close without winning is going to make it even harder for him when you tell him that you won.

Matti, you've got to win, you've absolutely got to win.

I was on pins and needles as they began the Q&A. This was where I had won it, I was sure; I hoped Matti could keep it together. The Carleton guy was first. To my surprise, he got the same Supreme Court case question they'd asked Amir Patel at my contest. He handled it fine, if somewhat boringly. Darius Griffith, who was a threat, was asked about the President's use of social media. Wait – that was asked last week, too. When Wei Zhu was asked about the second amendment, I knew that they were reusing the same five questions from my contest. Which meant there was now a 50-50 chance that Matti would be asked:

• Could you describe why you entered the Little Big Man Contest and what it would mean to you if you won.

Which, in fact, he was.

Just be yourself, I had told him. Be open. Be honest. Don't be politically correct. Just be genuine. I was hoping he had listened.

• My parents moved here from Finland when I was three. It was a risk for them; my father took a job in Duluth, and while they both spoke fluent English, they knew no one over here at all. But they did it because they wanted to build a better life for me. From an early age I showed an interest in diving and they started me on lessons when I was ten. I got pretty good and got the attention of the best private coach in the state, a man named Jack Meyers. My parents did this for me, although they couldn't really afford it. I loved my parents deeply. When I was fifteen, they went skiing in the Canadian Rockies and died in an avalanche. I was left completely alone. I was an only child, no siblings. And no other relatives in the United States.

• Jack Meyers and his wife took me into their home, because my only other choice was to go back to Finland and live with an aunt and uncle I didn't even know. He helped me get a scholarship to Duluth. And then he got cancer. When he died, his wife moved to Arizona to live with her sister. Once again I was alone.

• The one thing I had through all of this was diving. Diving kept me in the country when my parents died, diving got me into college, diving paid for a lot of it – though not enough that I don't need this scholarship – and diving gave me, more than anything else, a sense of identity. A sense of peace. And diving is one of the few sports that a man of my size can excel at. Look at it – how many basketball players are under five-eight? How many football players, baseball players, tennis players? But some of the world's best divers have been short.

• Diving taught me that you don't have to be big in stature to be a big man. And that's why Little Big Man spoke to me. Here was an organization who was saying, It's good to be short'. Not even it's okay to be short' but `it's GOOD to be short'.

• And that's why I entered this contest. What would I do if I win? I just want to enjoy it. See the world, have fun, enjoy being short. Because it's good to be short. It's really good to be short.

He killed it. He absolutely killed it. He'd spoken twice as long as anybody else, but he had the audience so silent and attentive that the proverbial dropped pin would have sounded like rifle fire.

I was stunned. He had never told me about his parents. He had told me that his old diving coach had died, but I hadn't known he'd taken Matti into his home before doing so. There were tears in my eyes as I listened to his story – and mine were not the only moist eyes in the house.

Justin Fleming had to follow that, and gave it a good go. He took a question on race relations and personalized it, although it might have had more impact if he hadn't been white. He was earnest and sincere, but, coming right after Matti, kinda looked like he was trying to be as earnest and sincere as Matti had been naturally.

Second prize went to Darius Griffith. And Matti won.

We were both going to the national contest. We were both going on that world cruise. We were going to be together all summer.

Halle. Fuckin'. Lujah!

DMITRI: Sometimes the winner is obvious from the start. Such was the case with Minnesota. Matteus Laukkonen was a quantum leap above the others. He was a feast for the eyes, and, having been orphaned, had no family ties to worry about. But the killer factor was that his LHI was so strong that I'm surprised he still considered himself straight. If, in fact, he did. He may have been lying through his teeth to us – more likely, he was lying through his teeth to himself. The boy was gay, whether he knew it or not.

You may be wondering why we didn't just select openly gay contestants – we could attract them easily enough by repackaging the program.

But that's not what we wanted. We wanted guys who thought they were straight but who might later discover their sexuality was not as one-sided as they thought. They were more fun to break. Plus, we wanted virgins to take home with us when it was all over.

With his obvious advantages – not to mention that stellar diver's body (oddly, we'd just chosen another diver last week in Wisconsin) – I knew we would crown Matteus Laukkonen as Minnesota's Little Big Man.

But before the `national contest', I needed to check him out further. If he wasn't a virgin, we'd have to disqualify him and take the runner-up. I think I'll have to arrange a little test for Mr. Laukkonen.

ALEX: When we saw each other, I gave him a big congratulatory hug, and we walked to Clancy's, the neighborhood bar one of the local guys had recommended when Matti asked him for a nearby place unlikely to card us. And then, brews in front of us, came this moment.

• And Matti, the best thing is that you're going around the world this summer!

• . . .

• What? What's the matter?

• Well, you know, it's a little awkward. I mean, I feel great, but I feel bad.

• Bad? Why should you feel bad?

I knew why he felt bad. It was the same reason that I felt bad a week ago, and I was going to milk this moment for all it was worth.

• You know. I mean, we both entered the contest.

• And what are the chances that either of us would win? One in twenty-five. The chances that we'd both win are astronomical.

• One in six hundred twenty-five.

• You did that in your head?

• Twenty-five times twenty-five is not that hard, dude. I'm an accounting major, we can do numbers.

• Oh, I thought maybe it was a Finnish thing. No worries anyway, I wasn't expecting to win.

• Yeah, but I still feel bad. I'm going around the world this summer and what are you going to do? Home with your awful father.

• Nope.

• You're not?

• No, he told me I'd have to pay rent.

• The bastard.

• No worries, Matti, I've got another place to stay.

• Oh, yeah? Where?

• On a boat, actually.

• What? Hah! We're both going to be on a boat. What kind of boat? Like a houseboat?

• Actually, it's a boat that's going around the world.

• (Pause.)

• (Grin.)

• Are you saying . . . ?

• (Grin.)

• Did you . . . ?

• (Really WIDE grin.)

• No.

• (Nod. Yes.)

• You won? You fucking won?

• Yup.

• And you didn't tell me?

• I didn't tell you I lost.

• You said you made the top ten.

• And I did. So did you.

• You're not shitting me? You really won?

• I really won. I didn't want to tell you because – you know –

• I'd be jealous. Just like I thought you'd be jealous because I won.

• That's about it.

• You said the guy that won – you were talking about yourself, and I didn't realize it.

• That's why I knew you had to be sincere on the last question. And you killed it, Matti. You really killed it.

• Thanks.

• But – why didn't you tell me before? About your parents?

• It didn't come up.

• It didn't come up when I was telling you about my dad?

• Well . . . I didn't want you to feel sorry for me.

• It was brave of you tonight. To say that.

• It was the truth.

• I know.

• Alex, do you have to go? Do you have to take the bus back tonight?

• How can I not take the bus back tonight? I don't have a place to stay.

• My hotel.

• I don't have the money for that. I –

• I mean my room. You can stay with me.

• Matti.

• No, I'm serious. It's a big hotel room. There's a couch. I'll sleep on that, you can have my bed.

• No, no, I'm fine on the couch.

• Then you'll stay! Great!

• Hmmm, guess I just agreed to that, didn't I?

• I think you did.

• (Smile.) No kissing, though.

• (Smile.) No kissing.

• Wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

• Wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

We stopped on the way to get a bottle of champagne and drank half of it while watching Arsenic and Old Lace on TCM until two in the morning. Then we went to bed – that is, he went to bed. I went to couch.

There was no kissing.

But I half wondered if he didn't want to. God, I hope not. I'm not gay.

DMITRI: MONDAY, 16 MAY - FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA

It was a busy weekend. Des Moines to Minneapolis to Fargo, with both Dakota contests held there yesterday. Spectacular results, though, especially North Dakota – stunning. (And another blond!) But Ramses barely got any sleep at all. He did such a good job, I will have to reward him with an extra-large tip. A Mercedes, perhaps.

I have one more job for him first, though. We must have a lie detector test for our Minnesota. Mike says he left Saturday night with another young man. It is probably nothing – a school friend going out for a beer. Young men do this all the time in what they call male bonding, not ever realizing the latent attraction under the surface. They call each other `bro' and think it the height of maleness, the epitome of heterosexuality.

It probably is. But with his high LHI, I have to make sure Minnesota didn't lie to us on his application. We have to be sure this is not his lover.

The odd thing is that Mike said that the young man in question bore a strong resemblance to our winner last week in Wisconsin. Surely he is mistaken. He has seen a lot of young men over the last few weeks, it is easy to get them confused.

ALEX: MONDAY, MAY 23 - CLACKSBURG, WISCONSIN

Finals are over and I've been home for three days. Tense. Awkward. Dad wanted his payment – two hundred dollars – for the two weeks I'd be here before I left for Florida. Nearly cleaned me out, as LBMF said they wouldn't credit my bank account until after I'd shown up for the national contest. I guess they're afraid some guys would just take the money and run.

But with a quarter of a million for the winner and a world cruise, why wouldn't you show up?

Dad finally asked me what the contest was about.

• It's to promote the image of short guys. I'll be a sort of ambassador for the vertically challenged.

• They give an award for being short?

• It's more than that. You have to have a strong academics, and be an athlete, and stuff like that.

• And YOU won the award? For the whole fucking state of Wisconsin?

• Yes, Dad, I did.

• I guess they didn't find out you killed your brother.

• . . .

• . . .

• Yeah, I guess they didn't.

That's what it was like being home. I had my laptop, which helped. I had a TV in my room, which helped. I played golf, which helped. Dad went out drinking with his buddies, which helped.

And I exchanged texts with Matti, which way helped. He'd gone to San Antonio for the Division II nationals in springboard and came in seventh, which disappointed him. But hey, he'd been to nationals, and he was only a sophomore – by his senior year he'd rule. Or so I told him.

I was still puzzling over a text he sent me:

ALEX, HEADS UP. WHEN I GET BACK I HAVE TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST. BE PREPARED TO DO SAME. APPARENTLY IN LBMF CONTRACT.

That was weird.

DMITRI: FRIDAY, 27 NOVEMBER - FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA

Minnesota passed his lie detector test. The boy thinks he's straight. Some ambiguity when asked if he had ever been attracted to another male. Well, his LHI puts him squarely in the bisexual category. But at least he has never had sex with a male. That is certain.

This is a huge relief, as virginity is essential. Replacing him might prove impossible: what if the runner-up couldn't go? Third place was non-viable. Fourth place – how would we explain THAT? But hooray – Matteus Laukkonen is a virgin. Welcome to the spider's web, handsome little fly.

The fun begins one week from tomorrow.

ALEX: TUESDAY, MAY 31 - CLACKSBURG, WISCONSIN

It's Tuesday and I'm leaving Saturday for Fort Lauderdale. It cannot be soon enough. Dad told me I'd have to find my own way to the airport – HE wasn't about to spend his valuable time driving me there. There being no bus service from here to Duluth, I'm sure he thought I'd have to pay for an Uber, which would have cost a humerus and a tibia. But Little Big Man was picking me up: Sorry, Dad, I don't need you.

My flight leaves at 11:25 from Duluth to Chicago, where I have to change planes. Matti is on the same flight, but from there we have different flights to Fort Lauderdale. I'm on a United flight that gets in a little before six, while Matti has to wait around for an American flight that doesn't get in until seven. It seems oddly inefficient, given that everything else has been so well organized.

Speaking of organized, LBMF sent me a packing list – everything I'd need for the three month trip. Most places would be hot, so little in the way of cold protection – just a light jacket. Good walking shoes. Sun hat. They didn't mention swimming trunks, but the boat had a pool, so I was packing them for sure.

But here was the curious thing – they said specifically not to bring our phones. For security reasons, they said – besides, we wouldn't get signals on much of the journey. That made me uncomfortable, but we're all too dependent on our phones anyway. It might be good to get away from them.

Never got a request from LBMF for a lie detector test. I relayed that information to Matti.

• That's strange. I wonder why I had to and you didn't.

• Well, I have a more honest face. Besides, as I told you before, I know how you Finns lie.

• And as I told you before, we usually lie horizontally.

• What kind of questions did they ask you?

• All the moral values stuff. Drugs, crime, sex. Like I hadn't been vetted already.

• Sex?

• They wanted to know if I'd ever made it with a guy.

• Have you?

• No. But then you probably think I'm lying.

• Horizontally.

• That's my favorite position for fucking a guy.

• Well, I'm glad we got that, you should pardon the expression, straight. But, seriously, they really asked you that?

• Yeah.

• (Pause.) Matti?

• What? You sound like you thought of something.

• You don't suppose they found out I stayed in your room that night, do you? I mean, I slept on the couch but they wouldn't know that.

• (Laugh.) Alex, don't be paranoid. Do you think they had the room bugged?

• No, because then they'd know I slept on the couch. But maybe there was a security camera in the lobby or –

• Alex, be logical. If they thought you and I had had sex, wouldn't they have made you take a lie detector test, too?

• Oh, good point. They would.

• And they didn't.

• And they didn't. But they made you take one for some reason.

• Well, they just emailed me my plane ticket to Florida, so I guess I don't care what the reason was.

• Probably your dishonest face.

• Or Anti-Finnish bias.

• Could be that, yeah.

I loved bantering with Matti. Having him on this trip around the world was going to be so much fun.

DMITRI: TUESDAY, 31 MAY - FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA

I've been in Florida for the past two weeks, enjoying a little R&R. Today Boris, Sergei, and Yuri arrived, and we met with the regional coordinators – Ramses, DeJuan, Ricky and Carlos. The eight of us made sure everything on the ship was ship-shape.

The `contestants' will arrive Saturday between four and ten. The games begin Sunday.

They have absolutely no clue what is about to befall them.