Copyright and Disclaimer: 1. This is a fictional story with fictional characters. 2. No one is to steal this story under any circumstances. 3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it, this isn't the story for you.
Welcome back everyone! Hope everyone is still doing great! Here's the kick-off to the next set of chapters, titled, "New Beginnings." Enjoy!
`NEW BEGINNINGS'
A beautiful day in San Diego was reason enough for Benji to get up for a day of shopping. After he checked in on things at his store and made some phone calls to his east coast managers he headed out for breakfast at the Broken Yolk and then drove himself to Fashion Valley Center. He didn't know what it was about clothes that made him feel so good. He loved finding clothes that he could mix together in ways that no one else would wear them. It was no secret he liked to stand out from the crowd and since he stopped being afraid to be himself he's made sure that he was even more `fabulous' than ever.
"Would you like help with your bags to your car Mr. Bennett?" the salesman asked Benji after he finished purchasing a couple bags worth of clothes from Bloomingdales.
"I'll carry it by myself," Benji said gratefully. "This is my weight training for the day." The salesman let out a chuckle as he helped Benji collect his bags and thanked him profusely for his purchase that day. With the economy in the state it's in, the salesman was grateful to have someone like Benji come and shop at the store.
As he was leaving Bloomingdales, his cell phone rang. It was Ford. "Hey sweetie," Benji said in his usual upbeat voice. "What's up?"
"I was just calling to see what you were up to tonight? I get back from Denver at three this afternoon," Ford replied.
"I still can't believe you went to Denver again," Benji laughed. "This is your third weekend there in a row, right?"
"Well, you were the one who told me that I needed to stop being scared and let myself like Pacey," Ford pointed out. "That's all I'm doing."
"I'm glad," Benji smiled. "So Pacey's cocky attitude doesn't bother you anymore?"
"Are you kidding? It infuriates me still. Him and I fight every single day. He is so self-centered that I want to punch him half the time," Ford replied.
"So then why are you with him?" Benji asked.
"Because once you look past that there's a really sweet, sensitive guy," Ford explains. "As much as he pisses me off, he makes me happy more."
"Well it's good to see you happy," Benji said. "Anyway, about tonight, I was going to go dancing at Numbers."
"You're going clubbing?" Ford asked. "Didn't we make a rule when we were young in our twenties that we wouldn't go clubbing anymore in our thirties? We thought that guys in their thirties needed to quit going to clubs and go to bars and lounges instead."
"I know, but now that we are in our thirties, I don't feel as old as I thought people in their thirties were," Benji said.
"I guess it just proves how ageist the gay community is," Ford laughed.
"Tell me about it," Benji said. "Besides, I've been wanting to dance for a while now. What do you say?"
"If you really want to then I'll go," Ford caved.
"Great," Benji said. "Then call me when you get in and we can meet up for drinks and dinner before we head out to the club."
"Okay," Ford said. "So what are you doing now?"
"Just doing some shopping," Benji replied.
"Good, I'm glad you're keeping busy," Ford said.
"Would you stop checking in on me all the time?" Benji sighed. He loved that Ford had his best interest at heart, but he was constantly calling to make sure he was keeping busy or doing something. "I'm doing great."
"All right, well I'll see you tonight," Ford said.
"Bye sweetie," Benji said before hanging up his phone. He put his phone in his pocket and picked up his shopping bags again and stepped outside to let the warm San Diego sun kiss his face. He let out a huge breath and smiled to himself.
As he headed to his car he had to stop and take a couple breathes in the parking lot, with all the shopping bags it was tiring. "It's exhausting being fabulous," Benji said to himself as he took a big breath and made his way to the car.
Meanwhile, Luke and Shane were eating lunch with one another at Pier Café down at Seaport Village. For the past three weeks since he figured out why Derek seemed so familiar Luke had kept quiet about it, he wasn't sure how his friends would react, but he finally came to a point where he couldn't keep it a secret anymore so he decided to tell Shane and see what he thinks.
"So you're saying that Derek reminds you of Nick?" Shane asked confused, he wasn't sure what Luke was trying to tell him.
"No," Luke replied shaking his head, "I'm saying that Derek IS Luke."
"Oh," Shane said, he tried to make sense of what Luke was saying, but it wasn't connecting in his lead. "Huh?"
"I told you there was something about Derek that I felt I knew, remember?" Luke reminded him. "Well it's because he's Nick."
"You're not trying to get all supernatural on me are you?" Shane asked. "Cause I don't believe in that stuff."
"I'm not saying it's something supernatural," Luke clarified. "But hear me out, he got in his accident on the same day that Nick was killed. Derek doesn't remember anything in his life prior to the accident, he's an advice columnist now just like Nick was, I'm telling you that it's Nick."
"Are you feeling okay?" Shane asked worried that maybe Luke was losing his mind.
"I'm fine," Luke replied. "But remember a while ago I ran into that psychic who told me that Nick would find a way back to me. I think she was talking about Derek."
"Luke, I think you're reaching too far here," Shane said. "She was a crazy psychic."
"Why won't you believe me?" Luke asked.
"Because the idea is crazy," Shane replied. "It's not possible."
"Some things go beyond the logical and explainable," Luke said. "Love is one of those things and I know in my heart that it's Nick."
"Luke, I have to say that I'm a little worried about you," Shane said concerned. "Are you getting much sleep?"
"God, I knew it was a mistake telling you," Luke sighed rubbing his face with his hands. "I knew you wouldn't believe me."
"Luke, think about what you're asking me to believe," Shane said. "You would think the same thing if you were in my shoes, be reasonable."
"I guess you're right," Luke said. "But whether you choose to believe it or not, I know that it's Nick."
"And you don't think this is just a case of not being able to move on from him?" Shane asked. "I know he was a big part of your life."
"It's not that," Luke said. "I know in my heart that it's Nick. It explains why I felt all those things around him."
"Have you thought that maybe this guy just has similar qualities like Nick? It doesn't mean it is him," Shane said.
"It is him," Luke said, refusing to believe anything else. Shane decided to just drop it, he knew that Luke wouldn't think anything otherwise. After eight years of friendship, Shane knew how stubborn Luke can be and that if he truly believes that Nick's spirit is somehow in Derek, he's going to believe it. He felt a little sad for him though, to him it seems as if Luke is just showing signs that he'll never get over Nick and is believing this far-fetched idea in order to love someone again.
Luke didn't want to argue about the subject anymore so he decided to move on to something else, "So how's Jackson doing?"
"He's pretty depressed," Shane replied. "Doctors are still unsure if he'll walk again or not."
"That's too bad," Luke said. "Sorry to hear that."
"Yeah. He hasn't smiled once since the accident," Shane revealed.
"How did the accident happen again?" Luke asked.
"He was going to his car when he dropped his briefcase in the street as he was picking it up a car came by and didn't see him in time and hit him," Shane replied.
"Well it could have been a lot worse," Luke said.
"I know and I try telling him that, but it isn't much help," Shane said.
"How are you holding up with all of this?" Luke asked.
"I'm doing okay," Shane said. "I'm trying my best to stay positive and be there for him. I won't lie though, it is tough."
"I bet," Luke sympathized. "Have you thought about what you're going to do once he's out of the hospital?"
"What do you mean?" Shane asked.
"Are you going to take care of him?" Luke asked.
"Of course," Shane said. "Why wouldn't I?"
"I'm just saying that it's going to be tough," Luke explained. "Being paralyzed is going to completely change the way he lives and it will in turn have an affect on you. I'm just wondering if you're prepared to handle it all."
"I think so," Shane said. Truth of the matter, he didn't really think about how it would affect him. He was too worried about Jackson that he didn't think about the hardships ahead for himself.
Later that day, Luke went to Derek's apartment where he was working on his advice column. Whenever Luke saw Derek, for a split second he always saw Nick's face smiling at him. Luke's heart would speed up a bit and he would remember all the details of Nick from the way he spoke to the way he let out a small sigh whenever the two kissed. Derek had those same traits. He didn't care what Shane thought, he knew that Nick was somewhere inside of Derek and he was excited to be getting this second chance with him.
"I'm glad you're hear," Derek said giving Luke a kiss as he walked into the apartment. "I had an impulse today and wanted to run it by you because I think it can be really fun."
"What's that?" Luke asked giving Derek a quick kiss.
"Let's take a drive up to Los Angeles tomorrow," Derek replied.
"Los Angeles?" Luke asked curious. "Why?"
"I don't know," Derek replied. "I was just sitting here and working when I got this impulse to go there. It can be fun we can go to Hollywood, see the Kodak theatre, walk around Melrose. What do you say?"
"I'd be up for it," Luke replied.
"I've never been there before," Derek said.
"You've never been there?" Luke asked. He then wondered if anything about Los Angeles would be familiar to him, "Are you sure?"
"Well if I did then it was before my accident so I don't remember," Derek replied.
"Then we should definitely go up there," Luke said positively. "Would you mind if we met up with two of my friends up there?"
"No not at all," Derek answered. "I didn't realize you had friends up in L.A."
"Yeah, two good friends," Luke said. "They were the best friends of my old-boyfriend."
"Oh, the one who..." Derek tried bringing up Nick sensitively.
"Yeah," Luke replied. "Nick."
"Well I would love to meet them," Derek smiled.
"I think you will really get along with them," Luke mentioned. "Just a hunch."
The two began to make plans for the next day for their trip. Luke was anxious for Kurt and Leo to meet Derek. He hoped that they would see something familiar in him as well.
Over at the hospital, Shane went to visit Jackson. When he arrived at Jackson's room he found Jackson in his usual depressed state he's been in the past few weeks. He was sitting up in his bed looking blankly down at his legs willing them to move, but as usual, nothing happened.
"Hey," Shane said softly to get his attention.
"Hi," Jackson replied emotionless.
"You look great today," Shane said in an attempt to raise Jackson's spirits a bit. He walked over to him and gave him a tender kiss.
"You don't have to lie," Jackson said. "I've been stuck in a bed for the past three weeks, the only way I get clean lately is through an embarrassing sponge bath, my hair is disgusting and I've lost about ten pounds cause the food here is too gross to eat."
"I told you that I would bring you some food if you wanted," Shane said.
"It wouldn't help," Jackson replied. "Food isn't really a top priority to me right now."
"Jackson, it's only been a few weeks," Shane pointed out. "You're body just needs to recover fully. I'm sure you'll be able to walk again."
"Shane I have no feeling in my legs," Jackson retorted. "I probably won't ever walk again." Saying it out loud was hard for Jackson to accept and his eyes began to tear up.
Shane didn't know what to do other than wrap his arms around him and kiss him on the forehead. Jackson however pushed Shane away. "It's okay. I'll be fine."
"Why do you always do that?" Shane asked.
"Do what?" Jackson asked wiping the tears out of his eyes.
"Whenever I try to comfort you or be there for you, you push me away," Shane replied.
Jackson stayed quiet for a minute before answering, "I just don't want to have to depend on you to be there for me."
"But I want to be there for you," Shane said.
"For now," Jackson said quietly under his breath.
"What?" Shane asked not hearing what Jackson said.
"Nothing," Jackson replied. "Listen, I'm tried so I think I'm going to try and sleep a little bit. But thanks for stopping by."
"Okay," Shane nodded. "I'll come by later."
"You don't have to," Jackson said.
"I want to," Shane assured him. "I'll see you later." Shane gave Jackson a quick kiss before heading out.
Later that day, Shane met up with Benji and Ford at Top of the Hyatt for drinks. Shane filled them in on the revelation that Luke told him. He wanted to see if he was the only one who felt that Luke was reaching too much in believing that Nick and Derek were somehow the same person.
"So he thinks that Derek is Nick?" Benji asked.
"Yeah," Shane replied.
"Are we talking about a Patrick Swayze in `Ghost' kinda situation?" Benji asked.
"Something like that," Shane replied. "I don't fully understand it all myself. I was too shocked that Luke actually could believe that."
"Has he gone out of his mind?" Benji asked concerned. "That's not a normal thing people would think about a guy they're dating."
"Okay, so I'm not the only one who thinks it's ridiculous?" Shane asked.
"Definitely not," Benji said.
"Wait a second," Ford spoke up. "I don't think it's such a ridiculous idea."
"What?" Shane and Benji both asked at the same time.
"You can't be serious," Benji said.
"Why not?" Ford asked. "Derek got into that accident the same day that Nick died and then he starts his life over at the same newspaper that Luke works at, as an advice columnist on top of it."
"All that is just a-" Shane began, but Ford cut him off.
"Coincidence?" Ford asked. "I don't think so. I think Luke may be right."
"Honey, I know you're a romantic again and everything, but you really believe that Nick's spirit is in Derek?" Benji scoffed.
"I do," Ford said. "And even if it isn't true the who cares? If it makes Luke happy then let him believe that."
"It's not healthy," Shane said. "He's trying to live in the past, he won't be able to move forward with his life."
"Who are we to say what is and isn't healthy?" Ford asked. "When it comes to things like love there is no logic or rationale. It's like me and Pacey, he is nothing like the type of man that I ever thought I would be with or even like, but I am and I do. I like him a lot."
"Yeah, but you don't believe that he's has the spirit of your old boyfriend inside of him," Shane said.
"Who cares?" Ford asked. "It makes Luke happy, so we should be happy for him."
"He does have a point," Benji agreed. "Despite what we think we should just let him do his thing."
"I'm just worried that this attitude he has will have a negative affect on his relationship," Shane said. "He won't get to know Derek because he'll be too busy trying to find more traits of Nick in him."
"Well despite what you two think about the situation I think it sounds very romantic," Ford said.
"Romantic?" Shane asked.
"Yes," Ford replied. "It's as if Nick's soul found a way to get to Luke again. Soulmates."
"Oh my God," Benji groaned rolling his eyes, "That's so cheesy."
"Wow, you really are back to being a true romantic," Shane pointed out.
"What's wrong with that?" Ford asked. "If more of us had that attitude then we wouldn't be such a jaded society."
"Speaking as a person who was jaded for almost seven years," Shane said.
"And I've gotten over that," Ford said. "I can't tell you how great my weekend with Pacey was. It was so romantic. His home is beautiful and he has a full kitchen staff that prepared the most amazing meals. I told him that he should open a restaurant with his chef."
"Sounds nice," Shane said. He couldn't help but be a little envious of Ford's love life. It was only a few weeks ago that he was supposed to have a romantic weekend getaway with Jackson, but that was tragically cancelled. Now the person he likes is stuck in a hospital bed unable to walk. He wondered how this turn of events would affect them. "I should get going. I want to see Jackson before visiting hours are over." Shane glanced at his watch as he was getting up.
"You don't want to come dance with us?" Benji asked.
"I think I'll pass," Shane said. "Besides, aren't we getting a little old to go clubbing?"
"You're only as old as you feel and tonight I feel like I'm eighteen again," Benji enthused.
"Well don't get too wild," Shane said. "Keep an eye on him Ford."
"I will," Ford replied. "Give Jackson our best."
"Thanks," Shane smiled as he left.
"So how are you doing?" Ford asked Benji sympathetically.
"Why do you always ask me that every time I talk to you?" Benji asked. "I'm fabulous. What makes you think any differently?"
"Maybe because for the past three weeks you have been keeping yourself busy 24/7 by shopping or working or going out every night," Ford pointed out. "You haven't slowed down at all."
"I don't need to slow down," Benji said. "I'm great."
"Benji, it's me you're talking to," Ford said. "I'm your best friend. I know you better than you know yourself."
"You think so?" Benji asked with a raised eyebrow as he took a sip of his drink.
"Benji, you just got out of a serious relationship," Ford said, ignoring Benji's last comment. "It's okay to be sad."
"I'm not sad," Benji insisted. "I told Don that I didn't want to get married so he ended it. It's plain and simple. I've moved on."
"Why don't I believe you?" Ford asked.
"Ford not everyone goes through a long grieving process when they get out of a relationship," Benji replied. "I'm fine, okay?"
"All right. I'll drop it," Ford replied even though he still didn't believe him.
When Luke got home he called up Kurt in Los Angeles to let him know that he'll be up in the area tomorrow.
"Great! I'll see if Leo's free and hopefully we can all meet up for dinner," Kurt suggested.
"That sounds like a plan," Luke replied. "I'm really anxious for you to meet Derek."
"Wait a second, you don't still think that Nick's been reincarnated into Derek, do you?" Kurt asked skeptically.
"I don't `think,' I know," Luke emphasized. "I'm telling you that it's Nick."
"Luke," Kurt sighed. "It took all of us so long to even accept Nick's death. I thought you've moved on. Why would you try to bring all that back again? It's only going to hurt you."
"It's not," Luke said. "Because I know it's him."
"How do you know for certain?" Kurt asked.
"I get this feeling when I'm around him that I used to get when I was with Nick," Luke explained. "When I look into his eyes I can see him. I see Nick."
"Luke-" Kurt began, but Luke quickly cut him off.
"Just meet him," Luke said. "If you don't see what I see then I'll drop it. You and Leo are the only other ones who I think will be able to sense it too."
"Fine," Kurt sighed, "But if not then I want you to drop this and accept that Nick's not coming back."
"But-"
"No," Kurt cut Luke off. "I want you to accept that it's not him if Leo or I don't feel anything when we meet him. Deal?"
"Deal," Luke sighed. "But you will. I know you will."
"We'll see," Kurt said. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye," Luke replied before hanging up.
When Shane went back to the hospital he brought Jackson a burger and fries. He hoped it would cheer him up some, but unfortunately Jackson wasn't in the mood to eat. "Thanks, but I'm just not hungry," he sighed as he adjusted his bed so he was propped up to talk to Shane.
"Well I'll just leave it next to your bed," Shane said. "Try to eat it before it goes bad."
"Fine," Jackson shrugged.
"Do you want to watch some TV?" Shane asked.
"Nope," Jackson replied.
"I also brought today's newspaper," Shane said holding up the day's issue of the San Diego Bulletin.
"I don't feel like reading or watching TV or doing anything for that matter," Jackson clarified.
Shane tried his best to resist snapping at Jackson, but after three weeks of him doing nothing but feeling bad for himself he had to say something. "Enough Jackson!"
"Excuse me?" Jackson asked.
"Yes I know what happened to you is really bad and you're upset. I get it. But enough is enough," Shane vented. "You're lucky to be alive, do you know that?"
"How am I so lucky?" Jackson asked. "I'll be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life and I'll have no one there for me."
"What are you talking about?!" Shane asked. "I'm there for you. I've been here for you every day!"
"For now," Jackson said. "You're here now because you feel bad for me, but eventually you're going to realize that you don't want to continue seeing a guy who's wheelchair bound. You're going to want someone who you can walk around with, who you don't have to push around in a wheelchair and I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to deal with that either."
"When have I ever said that this would be an issue for me?" Shane asked.
"Shane you're a great guy, but come on, be honest with yourself. You don't want to deal with me now," Jackson sighed.
"Is that why you said earlier you don't want to depend on me? You think I'm going to leave?" Shane asked.
"It's not like we've been dating long. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to go," Jackson replied.
Shane gave Jackson a gentle smile and sat in bed next to him and wrapped his arms around him.
"Let me tell you something that I don't think I've told you yet," Shane began, "I like you, a lot. If I didn't care about you as much as I do then I probably wouldn't be here now, but I do. I'm not going anywhere."
"You have to understand that it's going to be very difficult dating me," Jackson said. "If I never walk again then it will put a lot of restrictions on what I can do. You sure you can handle that?"
"I can," Shane said. "I'm going to be there for you every step of the way." He leaned in and kissed Jackson on the lips and this time he didn't pull away. Jackson melted into the kiss and gently stroked Shane's hair. It's the best he's felt since the accident and he got hope that maybe thing just might be all right. Shane felt better as well, he knew now that even though there would be challenges for the two of them, he was convinced that there's no obstacle they couldn't overcome.
While at Numbers, Benji and Ford were dancing the night away. Even though Ford was concerned that Benji was hiding his feelings, he had to admit that it appeared that Benji was having a great time.
"I forgot how much fun going dancing can be," Ford said as they took a break and headed to the bar.
"I know. It's fabulous!" Benji gushed. "The deejay is really good tonight."
After they got their drinks the walked to a less crowded part of the club to hang out.
"See anyone cute?" Ford asked as they observed the crowed.
"I saw a couple, but they're all so young here," Benji said.
"Of course they are," Ford said. "They're all in their early twenties. I'm sure we're the oldest ones here."
"No we're not," Benji said. "Look at that old guy over there." Benji pointed to a man who appeared to be in his late-forties or early fifties dancing by himself and trying to hit on the young guys who were all denying him.
"That's just sad," Ford said. "See this is why we can't go clubbing the way we used to. We'll turn into that if we do."
"You have a point," Benji admitted. "Okay, I'm going to go to the restroom. I'll be right back."
"You want me to come with you?" Ford asked.
"No. I can pee on my own," Benji laughed. "Be right back." Benji walked away and headed to the bathroom. He went into a stall and took out his cell phone. He went to the pictures he had saved on his phone to one of Donovan. Benji looked at the picture sadly. Donovan never looked better, it was when he was out in Los Angeles for Christmas and had just woken up in the morning. He had sloppy morning hair and gave a tired smile when Benji took the picture. While he's taken better pictures there was something charming about that picture of him and Benji loved it. Even though he tried to keep a front about his feelings, he really did miss Donovan. He hated the way they ended things.
THREE WEEKS AGO
"What are you doing here?" Donovan asked getting up from the desk in his office when Benji entered. "You didn't tell me you were coming to town."
"Well I had to see you in person," Benji said walking into the office.
"It's good to see you," Donovan said giving Benji a kiss.
"You too," Benji smiled nervously, he didn't even know how to begin this conversation with him.
"You look great," Donovan said noticing that Benji was wearing a bright bold outfit, something he hadn't worn since he was beaten up a few months before.
"Thanks," Benji replied.
"So I'm guessing you're here to answer my proposal," Donovan said.
Benji tried to think of a nice way to ease into this conversation, "I can't marry you." Instead he chose to be blunt.
"Oh," Donovan said surprised. He had thought and hoped that Benji would say yes.
"I'm sorry," Benji said quickly, "That didn't come out the way I wanted it too."
"You don't want to get married?" Donovan asked.
"I'm sorry," Benji said. "But I'm not the marrying-type. Ever since my accident a few months ago I have been lying to myself and trying to be someone that wasn't me. I can't do that anymore. I have to be true to who I am and that doesn't include marriage."
"Do you not love me?" Donovan asked.
"Of course I do," Benji replied. "This isn't even about that. I love you very much, but I can't pretend to be someone I'm not."
"I see," Donovan replied emotionless he knew if he let himself feel anything then it would be too much for him.
"But it doesn't mean that I don't want you," Benji mentioned.
"Benji, I love you," Donovan sighed. "But marriage is in my plans. It's what I want for myself."
Donovan didn't have to say anymore, he knew what was coming. He knew that Donovan was breaking up with him.
PRESENT
Benji closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to feel this sadness in him anymore and he quickly shut his phone to get rid of the picture of Donovan he was looking at. He took a deep breath to block his feelings again and went back out to pretend to have a good time.
Meanwhile, Derek went over to Luke's place for a late dinner and to discuss their trip up to Los Angeles.
"There's this one restaurant up in L.A. that I want to take you too," Luke said. "I think you'll like it."
"What kind of food is it?" Derek asked.
"It's this Italian place called Valentino," Luke said. Truth of the matter is that Valentino's was a restaurant that him and Nick used to eat at all the time, it was one of their favorite places to go to together.
"Sounds nice," Derek said. "And we're going to meet your friends?"
"Yeah," Luke said. "I think you'll really like them." Luke got up and retrieved a picture of Kurt and Leo that he had on a cabinet in his living room and brought it back to the dining room table and showed it to Derek. "This is them."
"Let me guess, that one is Kurt in the green shirt and the other one is Leo," Derek said correctly pointing out who's who in the picture.
"You're right," Luke said, he then wondered, "How did you know who was who?"
"Lucky guess," Derek shrugged, but Luke wondered if it was something more, he hoped that maybe there was some part of Nick inside that remembered...
To Be Continued...
With any comments, questions or feedback please e-mail me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I said it before and I'll reiterate, I am going to do my best to make this storyline with Luke and Derek as real and believable as possible. I want to assure you all that I won't go to a supernatural place. I hope you all like what's to come! All my best!