Luke

Copyright and Disclaimer: 1. This is a fictional story with fictional characters. 2. No one is to steal this story under any circumstances. 3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it, this isn't the story for you.

We've finally come to the final chapter of `Luke.' This has been a really fun story for me to write and am so grateful for all the positive feedback I have received. It means a lot to hear from you, the readers. I hope that you enjoy this final chapter and encourage that you read the teaser to my next story at the end of this chapter.

This final chapter takes place two years after the events of chapter 29. So here's the final chapter of Luke' titled, If This is the End...'

`If This is the End..'

SPRING

"Luke! Hurry up!" Derek shouts as he waits for Luke at the bottom of the staircase of their house. "We only have twenty minutes to get to the finish line."

"That sounds like something you said to me last night in bed," Luke calls back jokingly.

"Very funny," Derek roles his eyes, though he can't help but laugh a little at Luke's lame joke. "Hurry up."

"I'm coming!" Luke shouts back as he finishes putting on his clothes. He gives himself a once over in the mirror to make sure he looks okay before racing down the stairs. "Okay, I'm ready."

The two quickly rush out the door and to the car and make their way down to the finish line of the San Diego Marathon. As they park their car they get out and meet Shane and Benji.

"Did we miss him?" Derek asks.

"No," Shane replies

"Where is he?" Luke wonders.

"He should be coming up soon," Shane replies. "A lot of runners have already finished. I hope he's okay."

"I'm sure he's fine," Derek says. "The people who come in first in marathons are running fanatics. It's nearly impossible to keep up with them."

"I don't think I would ever be able to do a marathon," Luke says.

"Really?" Benji asks.

"This guy?" Derek asks pointing at Luke. "He needs to take a five minute break after thirty minutes of sex."

"I remember those days with him," Shane jokes.

"Is it `Pick on Luke Day' and I didn't get a memo?" Luke asks.

"I won't pick on you honey," Benji puts his arm around Luke. "I think you're fabulous."

"Thank you Benji!" Luke says with a joking glare to Shane and Derek. "If you weren't with Donovan, I'd be with you instead of Derek."

"Oh you love me!" Derek smiles giving Luke a kiss.

"Not that I don't love making fun of Luke, but we should pay attention to the runners so we don't miss him," Shane says.

"It's really awesome that he's doing this," Luke says. "I'm really proud of him."

"He's been training really hard," Shane nods. "It's pretty amazing."

"Are you kidding? It's incredible!" Luke agrees.

Benji eyes a few toned and sweaty runners as they cross the finish line. "I know I'm with Donovan, but I must say, some of these runners are hot."

"Where is Donovan?" Luke asks.

"He had to work," Benji replies. "He has a trip to New York tomorrow so he's getting some last minute things done today. He sends his apologize though. He wanted to be here."

"Is that him?" Derek asks pointing to a wave of oncoming runners headed for the finish line. Luke and Shane look to where Derek is pointing and sure enough, there he is. Jackson is in the middle of the pack of runners headed for the finish line. Luke, Shane and Derek all scream his name loudly and cheer as he makes his way through the finish line.

"You did great babe!" Shane says jumping up and down in excitement.

"Thanks," Jackson gasp between breathes. He grabs a cup of juice and a banana from the refreshment's table. "I think I was one of the last to finish though."

"Who cares?" Shane asks. "You just finished a marathon. Do you know how proud I am of you?"

"Who would have thought that two years ago you were in a wheelchair?" Luke asks.

"Thank you guys for coming," Jackson says grateful.

"We wouldn't miss it sweetie," Benji smiles. "I'll give you a congratulatory hug after you shower and change into non-sweaty clothes."

Afterwards, the guys headed back to Shane and Jackson's house for a celebration brunch.

"I talked to Ford on the way here," Benji says as he takes a sip of his orange juice. "His flight comes in next week at ten in the morning."

"Is Pacey coming?" Luke asks.

Benji shakes his head, "No. He didn't mention him much actually."

"Everything okay with them?" Shane asks.

"I think so," Benji replies. "But you know those two, they fight and then they're over it an hour later."

"Very true," Luke nods in agreement. He finds it odd how much different Ford and Pacey's relationship is from his and Derek's. While he feels him and Derek are pretty in sync with one another and compliment each other well, Ford and Pacey are opposites on so many things, yet at the same time they work together. They are perfect for each other in the most imperfect way.

"So what do you two have planned for the rest of the week?" Benji asks Shane and Jackson.

"We have an appointment tomorrow morning with Dr. Shultz," Shane tells them.

"Oh that's right," Benji remembers. "The big day!"

"Yup," Jackson nods. "So keep your fingers crossed."

"Remind me again how you persuaded Brenda to be the surrogate?" Benji asks.

"It was pretty simple actually," Shane gives a little shrug. He himself is actually in shock by how easy it was. "Jackson and I were just talking to Brenda about how we're looking into having a baby through a surrogate and she volunteered."

"Just like that?" Benji asks.

"Just like that," Jackson nodded.

"Her, Wyatt, Jackson and I have become this completely functional, dysfunctional family," Shane laughs.

"Wyatt excited about the idea of having a little brother or sister?" Luke asks.

"Very," Shane says. "He can't wait."

"Are you guys going to be using Brenda's eggs?" Luke asks.

"Yeah," Shane nods. "But she is giving Jackson and I complete parenting control."

"Since we're using my sperm we thought it would be nice if there was still some blood relation between this baby and Wyatt," Jackson adds.

"So you run a marathon today and you shoot your sperm into Brenda tomorrow," Benji nods his head. "Quite a week for you."

"A great week," Jackson smiles. He then turns to Luke, "By the way, is it cool if I just work from home tomorrow? The doctor's appointment won't be over until around noon."

"That's fine," Luke nods his head. "Just make sure your piece is sent in to me by four o'clock."

"I will."

"Have you noticed how busy it seems we've been getting lately?" Luke asks Jackson.

"It's funny you mention it," Jackson replies. "I was saying that to Shane last night."

"I think the publishers are working on something, but they haven't told us yet," Luke says.

"When you find out, you'll tell me first thing, right?" Jackson asks.

"Of course," Luke nods. "I will even tell you before I say anything to Derek."

"Hey!" Derek says slapping Luke's arm.

"I bet you regret making fun of my sex performance now, huh?" Luke jokes.

"Touché!" Derek laughs.

"You were making fun of his sex performance?" Derek asks confused.

"Don't worry about it," Luke replies. "Just know that any good work gossip I get will be told to you before Derek now." He gives Derek a loving wink.

"Okay," Jackson replies. He sometimes laughs at how ironic it is that he is friends and is working for Luke right now, especially considering the rocky start the two of them had. He now considers Luke family, something he never could have imagined when they first met.

The next day, Shane and Jackson met Brenda at the doctor's office. Brenda is already on the examination table in a hospital gown when Shane and Jackson walked in.

"Hey boys," Brenda smiles sweetly giving both of them a kiss on the cheek.

"Where's Dr. Shultz?" Shane asks.

"She's with another patient right now," Brenda replies. "So you guys ready for this?"

"Yes," Jackson nods. "Thank you again for doing this Brenda. It means the world to Shane and me."

Brenda smiles warmly, "You're welcome. Besides, it will be nice to have a little sibling for Wyatt. Even nicer for him to have one that I don't have to take care of twenty-four/seven."

"You won't," Shane reassures her. "This baby will completely be Jackson's and my responsibility. All you have to do is be the cool aunt."

"Hey everyone," Dr. Miranda Shultz says as she walks in. Dr. Shultz is one of those women who people want to hate because she seems so perfect. She never has a hair out of place, her skin is always flawless, her smile displays her perfect teeth and her eyes always seem to sparkle when she speaks to you. It's more than just her looks too, she's smart (obviously, she's a doctor). Brenda went to Dr. Shultz when she was pregnant with Wyatt. When Brenda met her, she wondered if Dr. Shultz was the inspiration for Kate Walsh's character on `Private Practice.' She is the real-life Addison Montgomery; certified OB/GYN, world-class neonatal surgeon and a fertility specialist. It could be easy to hate her for all her accomplishments if she wasn't so nice and charming. People can't help but feel instantly comfortable with her. "Are we ready to make a baby?"

"Definitely," Brenda, Shane and Jackson all replied in unison.

"Now, I want to remind you three that there is a chance this won't work on the first try," Dr. Shultz diplomatically states. "You're looking at about thirty percent chance."

"We know," Brenda nods. "We've read up on in vitro fertilization and we know what to expect."

"So you also are aware that there's a chance that more than one baby will be produced from this," Dr. Shultz looks at each of them to make sure they are going into this process with full knowledge of what can possibly happen over the next nine months.

"We promise we're ready for this," Shane says giving Dr. Shultz a reassuring nod.

"Okay," Dr. Shultz smiles. "Then let's get started."

Later that day, Benji and Donovan are eating lunch together at Benji's store.

"You never told me how your meeting went yesterday," Benji says as he takes a bite of his chicken sandwich.

"It was fine," Donovan quickly replies.

Benji cocks his head as he looks at Donovan, from the tone of his response he can tell that Donovan isn't quite telling him the full story, "You were awfully quiet yesterday when you came home. Sure everything was fine?"

"Positive," Donovan says with a smile. He then leans in and kisses Benji, quickly changing the subject. "I like the new line of clothes you got in."

"Do you want anything?" Benji asks. "I can arrange one hell of a discount." He smiles mischievously at Donovan. "Or if you can make me a better offer I'll give you some things for free."

"In the middle of the work day?" Donovan asks.

"The shop is closed for another thirty minutes," Benji replies. "That's plenty of time."

"You want to do it in the middle of the store?" Donovan asks intrigued.

Benji grins, "Not in the middle of the store." He gestures to the dressing room, "In there."

"Something about this feels very dirty," Donovan laughs as the two of them make their way to the dressing room as they begin to unbutton each other's shirts.

"Feels kind of hot at the same time though, right?" Benji asks as they get into the dressing room and draw the curtain behind them. "Besides, you're leaving for New York this afternoon. I want us to have some fun before you go."

Than night, Luke and Derek are sitting on the sofa in their living room watching television together. Derek's mind however isn't on the television. He's too busy thinking about something that he wants to talk to Luke about, but he's not sure how to bring it up. While he thinks he's playing it cool, Luke can tell that Derek is tense about something.

"Everything okay, babe?" Luke asks.

Derek gives a little smile, "Yeah. Everything's great."

"You're such a liar." Luke shakes his head. "What's up?"

Derek waves his hand and shakes his head, "It's nothing. It can wait. I don't want to distract you from the movie."

"We're watching `When Harry Met Sally.' It's not like I haven't seen the movie before," Luke says. "What's going on?"

"Well...this morning I got a phone call from the editor at the Boston Herald." Derek sheepishly says. "I had a lunch meeting with him a month ago and he had me send him some of my columns."

"And?"

Derek finally says, "He offered me a job as a political columnist."

"Political columnist?" Luke asks surprised, "But you're an advice columnist."

"I've been writing some political pieces on Washington that I keep in my portfolio," Derek replies.

"You have?" Luke is surprised that Derek's never mentioned that or shown them to him.

"Yeah and he also is a fan of my advice column," Derek adds. "He thinks with the color I use in my column added to the facts of national news will make me an impressive political commentator."

"Wow." It's the only thing Luke can think of saying right now.

"I know it's big news," Derek says. "I should have told you I met with the editor. Especially considering you're my boss and all."

"No, it's okay," Luke insists. "So what did you say when they called today?"

Derek shrugs, "I told them I have to think about it. I wanted to discuss it with you first."

"The Boston Herald is a great paper," Luke says. "That's impressive Derek. I'm proud you got offered a job with them."

"But its in Boston," Derek points out.

"I did expect that considering it's called the Boston Herald," Luke jokes.

"You know what I mean." Derek wants to make sure that Luke is taking this seriously. "I would have to move if I take this job."

"Or face one hell of a commute," Luke deadpans.

Derek gently pats Luke's leg, "Be serious Luke. This is a big decision."

"I know," Luke says getting serious. "What do you want to do?"

"Well, it is a really great opportunity," Derek says. He then quickly adds, "Not that I don't love working with you at the Bulletin."

"But it is a really great gig," Luke points out.

Derek nods his head in agreement, "It's not really the job that's making the decision difficult... What about us?"

Luke was trying to joke about the situation earlier because he doesn't want to think about that question... what happens with them if he takes the job?

"Derek, you have to do what you want to do," Luke says. The two grew quiet and faced the television again, neither one knowing what to say or how to come to a solution. For now, they both decide to ignore the elephant that walked into the room.

The next weekend, Benji, Luke and Shane are waiting at baggage claim of the airport for Ford.

"His plane landed right?" Shane asks looking at his watch.

"Yeah, fifteen minutes ago," Benji says as he looks at his watch. "I called the airline before we left and it's on time."

"I hate waiting," Shane sighs impatiently.

"I think this is a case of transferred frustration," Luke points out. "How long until Brenda can take a pregnancy test to see if the in vitro worked?"

"They say it takes about two weeks," Shane sighs. "I can hardly think about anything else. I picked the worst time to schedule an opening at my gallery."

"At least Ford will be here for the opening," Benji says optimistically.

"I'll hardly be able to concentrate on it though. All I can do is think about the baby," Shane sighs. "You'd think with technology now that they can just inject a viable fetus or something. We should be able to find out if she's pregnant right away."

"Don't worry Shane," Benji puts an arm around him, "You'll get your baby."

"Hey guys!" Luke says getting their attention. "There he is!" The all look towards the escalator that leads to the baggage claim area and Ford is headed down with a big smile on his face when he sees his friends. They all rush to the escalator and Ford quickly rushes into their arms as they all hug each other tightly.

"I missed you guys!" Ford exclaims.

"How was your flight?" Benji asks.

"Great," Ford replies.

They head to the baggage carousel and wait for his bag. "Where's your significant others?"

"Work," Benji replies.

"Ditto," Shane adds.

"Mine's off thinking or something," Luke shrugs.

"What does that mean?" Ford asks.

"Long story," Luke dismisses it. "How's Pacey? Everything great with you two?"

"Yeah," Ford smiles. "Everything is just fine."

"Why didn't he come?" Shane asks.

Ford spots his bag and grabs it, "Work stuff."

"So how long are you here for?" Luke asks. "You didn't tell any of us when you were leaving."

"I don't know yet. Pacey said I should stay out for a while and visit with you guys," Ford replies. "I haven't seen you all for a couple months."

"So are you talking about a week? Two weeks?" Shane asks.

"Who knows?" Ford asks. "We'll see."

"What about work?" Benji asks as they head out towards his car.

"Work?" Ford asks. "I'm writing a cookbook, it's not like I have to stay in Denver for that."

"I thought you were doing some freelance writing for the Denver Post?" Benji asks.

"Haven't in a while," Ford says. "In fact, there isn't too much going on in Denver at the moment... That's why it's the perfect time for me to be here."

"But-" Benji begins, but Ford quickly changes the subject.

"I'm starved. Can we go eat? I'm craving Broken Yolk," Ford says. "I've been craving an omelet all day."

"Sounds good," Luke says as they pile into his car.

That night, Benji is hanging out with Ford at his hotel room. The two of them are kicking back and eating junk food and watching bad television. A pastime that they used to enjoy doing when they were younger and apparently something they still find fun to do.

"I miss it here," Ford says taking a bite of a cookie, "I always seem to forget how beautiful it is here."

"Well, maybe you and Pacey will move out here," Benji suggests.

"Yeah," Ford says quietly as he looks out the window of the hotel room, "...me and Pacey."

"Ford, you might be able to fool Luke and Shane, but not me," Benji says. "Something's off about you. What's going on?"

Ford shrugs and gives a little smile, "You have the most amazing insight out of all of us."

"I know. I'm fabulous," Benji says. "So what's wrong?"

"I lied earlier," Ford admits. "Pacey didn't tell me to stay out here for a while."

"Why did you say he did then?"

"Because I didn't want to admit to all of you how bad things are right now between him and I," Ford sighs.

Benji tilts his head sympathetically, "Oh honey, I'm sorry to hear that. Why haven't you said anything before?"

"Because I've been trying so hard not to be that guy," Ford begins, "I don't want to be that guy who is always complaining about his relationship."

"Did Pacey do something?" Benji asks.

Ford shakes his head. "It's not just him. It's a culmination of things. It's just not working in Denver."

"Why?" Benji asks concerned.

"I am so lonely there," Ford sighs. "The circle of people I socialize with in Denver are nothing like you guys, I can't relate to them about anything. And Pacey is busy with work. When he comes home from work he tries to spend as much time with me as he can, but he's tired so we usually end up going to be early."

"Why don't you do more work for the Denver Post?" Benji asks.

"After a while they didn't like what I was writing," Ford shrugs. "They just stopped calling."

"Oh honey!" Benji exclaims surprised to hear how bad things are. "You should have told me. We tell each other everything."

"I didn't want to admit how lonely I am there," Ford says. "Denver is beautiful, but I have no one there besides Pacey. It gets boring."

"Don just talked to Pacey the other day and he never mentioned any sort of problems between you two," Benji queries.

"Of course not," Ford shrugs. "He never talks about his problems. That's who he is."

"So what's going to happen?" Benji asks. "Have you two talked about moving here?"

"I want to," Ford says. "But Pacey can't. He has too much stuff that keeps him in Denver."

" So what are you thinking of doing then?" Benji asks.

"I don't know," Ford sighs. "I don't know how much longer I can stay in Denver."

"Ford, whatever you decide, I fully support," Benji wraps his arms around Ford tightly.

"Thanks Benji," Ford gives Benji a tight hug. Having finally admitted the problems between him and Pacey he actually felt a little better. He feels relief now that he's vented a bit. Now he just has to find a way to solve his problems.

Meanwhile, Luke is getting ready for bed while Derek lays awake waiting for him.

He comes out of the bathroom and gets into bed with Derek. The two haven't discussed the Boston Herald situation since Derek first brought it up a week ago. They both know it's finally time to talk some more about it.

"Have you thought any more about the situation?" Derek asks.

"Yeah," Luke nods. "You?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"Well, what do you think?" Derek asks.

Luke twirls his fingers nervously as he begins to say what he thinks. "I think you should take it."

"You do?" Derek asks surprised.

"It's the Boston Herald." Luke smiles gently at Derek. "It's a chance of a lifetime."

"It is," Derek agrees.

Luke takes Derek's hand into his, "I don't want you to miss an opportunity like this because of me. I don't want to be a factor in your decision."

"But you are," Derek points out. "Of course I'm going to factor you in. I can't not factor you in."

"Derek, whatever you decide, we'll make it work," Luke promises. "If it means lots of trips back and forth to Boston then that's what we'll do."

"I don't want to ruin this relationship," Derek says. "It means everything to me and I don't want to fuck it up."

"You won't," Luke says. "Derek, this job is too good to pass up. I want you to take it. In fact, I'm insisting that you take it...or else."

"Are you threatening me?" Derek asks as he gives Luke a little kiss.

"Completely," Luke smiles.

"I do want it," Derek admits.

"And you should," Luke replies. "It's a dream job. I've found my dream career, it's time you do too. You don't want to spend the rest of your life being an advice columnist."

"You're right," Derek nods. He pauses for a minutes as he thinks about it a bit more, "I think I'm going to take it."

"Great," Luke smiles encouragingly. He's trying his best to stay positive about this situation, even though the whole idea is still scarring him. What if the long-distance thing is too hard? What if they fall apart? What if...

One week later, the day finally has come for Brenda to take her pregnancy test. Shane and Jackson are sitting on Brenda's bed as she is in the bathroom taking the home pregnancy test.

"I'm nervous," Jackson whispers to Shane.

"Me too," Shane replies as they hold hands tightly.

They wait tensely for Brenda to emerge with good or bad news.

"What if it didn't take?" Jackson asks.

"Then we'll try again," Shane assures him. "Don't worry. We'll get our baby."

"Anything yet Brenda?" Jackson calls out to her.

"Still waiting," Brenda answers through the closed door.

Everyone again grows quiet. As they wait, Wyatt runs into the room.

"Hey buddy," Shane says giving him a high-five.

"Where's mom?" Wyatt asks.

"She's finding out if you're going to have a little brother or sister," Shane answers. "Did you finish your homework?"

"Yes," Wyatt nods.

"Then wait here with us," Shane says. "This is a big moment for our family."

Wyatt jumps onto the bed with them and grows quiet as they wait impatiently for Brenda.

"Anytime now," Shane says to himself.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Brenda slowly opens the door to the bathroom. She stands in the middle of the doorway as she looks at the three main men in her life. Her face is unreadable. They can't tell if she's about to tell them good or bad things.

"Well?" Shane asks.

"Let's go get lunch," Brenda finally says. Shane and Jackson look at her curiously.

"Huh?" Jackson asks. After all the waiting, the first thing she says is `lets go get lunch?'

"Yeah," Brenda replies. She then cracks a smile, "Because I'm eating for two!"

"Oh my God!" Jackson jumps off the bed and rushes to Brenda giving her a hug. He then goes to Shane and the two share a kiss.

"You're going to have a little brother or sister!" Brenda says excitedly to Wyatt giving him a hug.

The four of them continue jumping up and down in excitement, sharing the wonderful moment.

Meanwhile, Benji is sitting in the living room waiting for Ford to come out of the kitchen. After a week apart, Ford had decided to talk to Pacey and discuss the next step for them. As Benji is waiting for Ford, Donovan comes home early. Benji is concerned to see Donovan looking so tired and beat.

"Bad day at work?" Benji asks giving Donovan a kiss.

"I don't want to talk about it," Donovan dismisses. "I'm going to go for a run."

"Wait," Benji says stopping Donovan from leaving the room. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine," Donovan replies. "I just have to clear my head." He gives Benji a quick kiss before he leaves the room.

As Donovan exits, Ford enters the living room, defeated.

"How did the talk go?" Benji asks.

Ford looks up at Benji sadly, "It's over."

SUMMER

"Hey babe," Derek cheerfully answers when he picks up Luke's call.

"How you doing?" Luke asks.

Derek loves hearing the sound of Luke's voice at the end of his workday. "Great. I'm just getting home now. You?"

"Still at the office," Luke replies. "Doing some final touches to tomorrow's paper."

"I miss you," Derek sighs longingly.

"I miss you too," Luke replies. "I'm sorry we won't be able to see each other this weekend, but I have some meetings I need to go to with the publishers."

"I understand," Derek replies. "I'd go to San Diego, but I have an interview set up with the mayor."

"Well, hopefully in a couple weeks one of us will be able to fly to the other," Luke says.

"You realize it's been a month since we last saw each other?" Derek asks. "That's the longest we've ever gone."

"And hopefully we won't go much longer," Luke answers. "Don't worry. I'll work something out."

"Okay," Derek agrees. He then changes the subject to other things, "How's Ford doing?"

"I think he's all right," Luke replies. "He doesn't talk about the break-up much."

"How's his new place?" Derek asks.

"It's nice," Luke replies. "It's a cute little two-bedroom home. It's perfect for him."

"He thinking about dating anytime soon?" Derek wonders.

Luke gets a soft knock on his door from Bill, the sports columnist, wanting to go over the changes Luke made to his column. He then quickly answers Derek's question, "I don't think he'll be dating for a while." He looks up at Bill and waves him into his office to sit down, "Derek, I have to go. Work stuff, okay?"

"All right," Derek replies. "Call me when you get home."

"I will. Love you," Luke quickly says before hanging up. He then proceeds to go over Bill's column and work on a million other things he needs to do as the editor of the paper.

Over at Benji and Donovan's place; Benji is fixing a sandwich for himself when he hears the muffled sound of Donovan's voice in the front yard. Benji heads to the door and is about to open it to greet Donovan, but he stops himself when he begins to pick up on what Donovan is saying.

"What do you mean we can't get out of the deal?" Donovan can be heard saying. Benji looks through the peephole of the door and sees that Donovan's on the phone and is running his hands through his hair in frustration. "Bruce, they led us into this deal under false pretenses... I don't care! I just want out of it... That's not an option... What?! No! If this happens I'll loose everything! Just call me back." Donovan angrily slams his phone shut and unlocks the front door.

Benji quickly rushes back into the kitchen so Donovan doesn't know that he was eavesdropping.

"That you babe?" Benji calls out from the kitchen.

"Yeah," Donovan replies as he walks in. He gives Benji a tender kiss.

"How was work?" Benji asks, hoping that Donovan will tell him what's wrong.

"It was great," Donovan replies. "I'm going to go work-out a bit and then I have to get back to the office later this afternoon." After he leaves the kitchen, Benji sits down at the table and wonders why Donovan won't tell him what's going on at work. He's known for a while now that things haven't been going well, but he won't find out until Donovan tells him.

"I think Donovan's business is in trouble," Benji tells the guys when the four of them meet for breakfast the next day.

"Why do you think that?" Shane asks.

"He's been really stressed lately," Benji explains. "I can tell something is wrong, but when I ask him about it he tells me that everything is fine. Then today I overheard him on the phone talking about trying to get out of some deal that can ruin him."

"You should talk to him about it," Luke says.

Benji shakes his head, "I can't because he won't open up about it. I can't pressure him to talk about something he doesn't want to discuss."

"Sounds like something Pacey would do," Ford notes. "He'd always keep things to himself. He never shared with me. You should fix that with Donovan. Guys like them need to realize that it's okay to show vulnerability sometimes."

"He has a point," Luke agrees.

"Why do they think that keeping things to themselves is a good thing?" Ford asks as he begins to go on a rant. "It's not. It just puts a wall between the two of you. I can't stand that!"

Benji, Luke and Shane all look at Ford concerned. "You okay?" Shane asks.

"I'm fine," Ford nods. "Sorry. Let's refocus on Benji."

Shane looks at his watch, "Wish I could, but I have to go meet Jackson and Brenda at the doctor's. We're going to see our first picture of the baby."

"Awesome," Luke smiles. "Tell them hi."

"Will do," Shane says he gives Benji a hug. "Call me if you need anything. Okay?"

"Thanks," Benji smiles. After Shane leaves, Benji takes a deep breath. "It's weird how much things have changed, huh?"

Luke nods his head, "Yeah. We've all grown up quite a bit. Things never turn out the way we expect, whether it's good or bad."

"So true," Benji agrees.

Ford sits there quietly thinking about how things have turned out for him. He always dreamt that everything would turn out so perfect and idyllic for him. He was going to meet the perfect guy, they would live in a perfect house and have a perfect marriage one day followed by adopting three perfect kids. As happy as he is for Shane, a part of him can't help but be jealous at his life. Shane has a boyfriend he loves, he already has one kid and is about to have another. I guess it's true, he thinks, we always want the things we can't have.

Shane arrives at the doctor's office and heads into the examination room where Brenda and Jackson are already there waiting.

"I didn't miss anything did I?" Shane asks as he gives Jackson a kiss.

"Nope," Brenda replies. Shane gives her a kiss on the cheek. "We're just waiting for the ultrasound technician."

"Perfect," Shane smiles. "This is amazing."

"I can't believe it's already been eleven weeks," Jackson says. "It goes fast."

"Hi Brenda, I'm Felicity," the technician says walking into the room. "Let's have a look at your baby, shall we?"

"Definitely," Brenda smiles happily. "The guys and I are very excited."

"All right, well let's get started," Felicity says squeezing gel onto Brenda's stomach. She takes the speaker from the transducer and begins moving it around the stomach. "We should be hearing a heartbeat in a moment."

"Amazing," Jackson says softly to himself.

"So how does everything look?" Brenda asks as Felicity moves the transducer speaker around Brenda's stomach.

"Hmm," Felicity says as she continually tries to search for the heartbeat. Shane and Jackson hold each other's hands tightly, both excited to hear the heartbeat of their baby. After a few more moments she sets the transducer speaker down, "I'll be right back."

Brenda, Shane and Jackson all look at one another nervously as she exits the room.

"Why did she just leave?" Jackson asks.

Shane tightens his grip on Jackson's hand. "It can't be good." He takes a deep nervous breath.

"Maybe the baby is just flipped in a funny position," Brenda explains. "It took them a while to find Wyatt's heartbeat when I was pregnant with him. I'm sure the baby is fine."

Before they can say anymore, Brenda's physician comes in, Dr. Shultz walks in, her long hair tightly pulled back into a bun with her thin-framed glasses perched on top of her small delicate nose. "Hey Brenda. I'm just going to take a peek at your baby, ok?" Dr. Shultz picks up the transducer speaker and places it over Brenda's stomach. After a few moments she sets the transducer down. "How far along are you?"

"I'm about eleven weeks I think," Brenda says. She turns to Shane and Jackson, "Eleven weeks, right?"

"Yeah," Shane nods. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you not seeing the baby?" Jackson asks.

Dr. Shultz tilts her head as she gently speaks, "We're not seeing what we should be seeing."

"What does that mean?" Jackson asks, although he already knows, he needs to hear Dr. Shultz say it.

"I'm so sorry guys," Dr. Shultz says. "But I'm afraid that we lost the baby. Now, I want to make it clear that this is of no fault to any of you. During the first trimester these things happen. Now it could be a result of many things, but what most likely happened is that there were some chromosomal abnormalities. When there are problems like that there's almost no chance of keeping the baby."

"So what happens now?" Shane asks trying his best to stay strong.

"We can try again in a couple months," Dr. Shultz assures them.

"Is this going to keep happening?" Brenda asks.

"No," Dr. Shultz shakes her head. "These things almost never reoccur. So I want you to take a couple months to rest and then we'll try again."

Shane glances over at Jackson and sees how defeated he is to hear this news. He rubs his arm gently and gives him a gentle kiss on the forehead. "We'll try again, okay?" Jackson doesn't say anything, he just quietly nods his head as he looks at the blank screen on the transducer.

That night, Luke settles onto the sofa in his living room getting ready to watch the news. Before he turns in for the night, he takes out his cell phone to call Derek. It's about midnight in Boston, so he figures he'll probably be waking Derek up.

"Hello?" Derek answers with a lot of noise in the background.

"Hey it's me," Luke replies. "What's that noise in the background?"

"I'm out with some friends from work right now," Derek answers. "We're grabbing a drink."

"Oh I'm sorry. I'll let you get back to them," Luke says. He's surprised that Derek's out. He hasn't mentioned the friends he's made in Boston.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" Derek asks.

"Sounds good," Luke answers. "Have a good night."

"Thanks. I love you."

"I love you too," Luke replies. He hangs up the phone and turns on the television. This will be the first night that the two haven't talked to one another.

Over at Ford's place, he is watching the news as well and his heart stops when a picture of Pacey comes on the television screen with the caption Rival Oil Tycoon Takes Over Struggling Carlton Oil.'

The news broadcaster says, "Oil tycoon, Pacey Stevens became the major shareholder of Carlton Oil today when the two companies merged. Carlton Oil has long struggled to be a major competitor in the oil business. Stevens Colorado meanwhile, has quickly become one of the biggest distributors of oil in the world. Carlton Oil CEO, Hugh Carlton will still serve as Vice President of the company under Pacey Stevens."

Ford feels a rush of emotions as he learns of the latest news of Pacey. He knows how long Pacey had worked to buy out Carlton Oil, it was one of his goals for a long time. He wants to call to congratulate him, but stops himself, knowing that it would hurt too much to hear his voice.

The broadcast continues, "In related news, Pacey Stevens donated five hundred thousand dollars to GLAAD, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation organization. Stevens who himself is a gay man released this statement, It's important for me to give back to the gay community in any way I can. I hope that more people will contribute their time and money into organizations such as GLAAD which promote positive images of the gay community.' Noticeably absent around Stevens lately is his long-time partner, Ford Ohara, when asked on the status of their relationship Stevens said While I don't want to discuss my private life, I will say that this is a difficult time for me and despite my success in business, I'm still figuring out my personal life.'"

Before Ford could think any more, he gets a call from Luke.

"Were you watching the news?" Luke asks.

Ford sighs, "You saw it too, huh?"

"Are you okay?" Luke asks.

"I'm not really sure," Ford answers. "I mean, it's great news for him and I know how hard he worked to get that merger, but still..."

"It seems like he misses you."

Ford scoffs, "You got that from the brief statement he released in regards to his personal life?"

"No, I got it from the footage they showed of him," Luke replies. "He doesn't seem to have that confident look he once had."

"Well, it is what is it," Ford shrugs.

"You should call him," Luke suggests.

"Why? What's the point?" Ford asks.

"Maybe you two can go back to how things used to be between the two of you," Luke offers. "You live here and the two of you can fly back and forth to each other."

"It worked for a little bit, but after a while doing that gets to hard. Long distance relationships never work," Ford says without thinking. He then quickly cringes when he remembers that Derek and Luke are doing the long distance thing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just upset. Long distance isn't that bad."

"It's okay," Luke says. He himself admits, "Long distance isn't easy."

"You two will be fine," Ford says. "Are you going to go to Boston to see him soon?"

"I wish," Luke replies. "Things are so busy right now at work. Newspapers are a dying art so we're trying to find ways to boost circulation. There's discussion right now of going all online."

"And would you still be the editor if it went on the internet?" Ford asks.

"Yeah," Luke replies. "So fortunately I'll still have my job."

"Why doesn't Derek come out here?" Ford asks.

"He's busy too," Luke replies. "And tonight is the first night we haven't talked to each other."

"Sorry about that," Ford sighs. "Looks like things aren't that great for you or me, huh?"

"Looks like it," Luke shrugs. The two take a moment both reflect on their current situations, wondering when the light at the end of the tunnel will appear.

Benji and Donovan are lying in bed together, they too just saw the segment on Pacey and where impressed with his accomplishment.

"Looks like he's doing well for himself," Benji notes as he flips through a catalog.

"Yeah," Donovan replies unenthusiastically. "Great."

Benji can't take it anymore, "Okay, I can't pretend anymore." Donovan looks at Benji with an arched eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?"

"Something is wrong and you're not telling me," Benji says. "What is it?"

"Everything is fine," Donovan replies.

"No it's not," Benji says. "Talk to me."

"It's nothing for you to worry about," Donovan replies. "Just forget it."

"No," Benji insist. "We're a team. You and I don't keep things from each other."

"Benji, I just need to fix a few things and then we can talk about it," Donovan says.

"No!" Benji jumps out of bed frustrated. "This relationship is too important for me to not talk about it. One of the reasons why Ford and Pacey broke-up is because he wouldn't share things with Ford. I don't want what happened to them to happen to us!"

Donovan stays quiet, he sees the logic in Benji's argument.

"I don't want us to fall apart," Benji pleads. "This relationship means too much to me. I never thought I would be the type of guy who would say that, but I am. Please don't let that happen."

Donovan takes a deep breath, knowing it's time to come clean. "Okay, I'll tell you, but don't worry because I'm going to take care of it."

"What is it?" Benji presses.

"There's been some problems at work," Donovan begins. "There were a couple bad investments that my company made and...things aren't looking to good."

"How bad is it?" Benji asks.

Donovan shakes his head, "It's pretty bad. For the past few months I've been trying to fix it, but it's not getting any better."

"So what are you telling me? What does this mean?" Benji wonders.

"I'm saying that if I can't fix things then I might not have Mortimer Industries anymore," Donovan admits. "But that won't happen. I will fix this."

"Why haven't you told me?" Benji asks concerned.

"I didn't want to worry you," Donovan replies. "I didn't want you to stress that I might be out of a job."

"I'm sure you'll fix this," Benji says. "And if you do have to give up your company then we'll be fine."

"I could lose everything," Donovan says.

"We still have my stores," Benji notes. "We'll be okay."

"I hate to say it, but I'm jealous of Pacey. His business is flourishing while mine is floundering." Donovan puts a pillow over his head in frustration. Benji pulls the pillow back and gives him a kiss.

"Thank you for telling me." Benji rests his head on Donovan's chest. "You're going to land on your feet Don. Whatever happens, you'll be fine."

Over at Shane and Jackson's place, Shane finishes getting ready for bed and goes to the bedroom where he Jackson is curled up on his side of the bed with tears in his eyes. Shane lets out a soft sigh and gets into bed, wrapping his arms around Jackson tightly.

"I'm sorry babe," Shane says. "It'll work next time. We'll get our baby."

Jackson can't bring himself to say anything, he just clutches onto Shane tightly. The two stayed like that the rest of the night.

As time passed, Jackson, Shane and Brenda all healed from their trying ordeal. And were getting ready to once again try and get pregnant. Benji did what he could to be supportive for Donovan and help him in any way he can. However, it doesn't seem to help as Donovan's business is still in trouble. Ford has gotten used to being alone and has sent his cookbook to his editor. Luke and Derek have been talking to one another less and less. Now it's common for them to go a couple days without talking to one another.

"Where's Shane?" Ford asks when he sits down at to join Luke and Benji at The Broken Yolk.

"Doctor's office," Luke reminds him.

"Oh that's right," Ford says. "It's round two for in vitro."

"I really hope it works this time," Benji says. "Poor Jackson really took it hard."

Luke nods, "I'm sure everything will go smoothly. It has to."

"One thing we should know by now, nothing ever goes smoothly," Benji jokes.

Ford and Luke both give a laugh in agreement.

"Well, they already went through a roller coaster ride with the first try," Luke points out. "It has to go right this time."

"Speaking of things not going smoothly," Benji says. "How are things with Derek?"

Luke rolls his eyes, "It's getting ridiculous. We hardly ever talk."

"I'm sorry honey," Benji sympathizes. "Why don't you go visit him?"

"I've tried. He's tried," Luke says. "But when I'm free to visit him, he's too busy or if he's free to visit me, I'm too busy."

"But I'm sure you two will work it out," Benji encourages.

"I don't know," Luke answers honesty. "We'll see."

Ford looks at Luke and takes a deep breath, Luke has that same look on his face that he had when things were falling apart with Pacey. It's the face that knows the end is coming, even though you don't want it too. He reaches out and grabs Luke's hand, "Luke, don't do what I did. Don't let it fall apart. Fix it while there's still hope."

"But how?" Luke asks.

"Lots of work and lots of communication," Ford replies. "There are so many things I would have done differently with Pacey."

"Such as?" Luke asks.

Ford takes a sip of his drink before answering, "I would have made sure we talked more to each other. I would have made sure we said `I love you' to each other every day. I would have made sure that we never went to bad angry with one another."

"Are you and Derek fighting?" Benji asks.

"No," Luke shakes his head, "But there is a disconnect between us."

"Then connect again," Ford tells him. "Otherwise, you'll wake up one day and find that it's too late."

"Do you think it's too late for you and Pacey?" Benji wonders.

"Considering we broke-up? Yes," Ford replies.

"Couples get back together," Benji says. "Don and I did."

Ford shrugs, "I think it's really over between us."

"If you think so, then maybe you should considering dating again," Benji suggests.

"I don't really want to," Ford says. "I actually think that I'm done."

"You're done dating?" Benji asks.

Ford nods his head, "Yeah. I had a good run with Pacey, but it didn't work. So I think I'm done."

"You're giving up?" Benji is shocked to hear Ford even suggest this.

"I'm not giving up," Ford replies. "I'm just refocusing my energy into other places."

"Oh yeah? With what?" Luke asks. "I thought you were done with your book."

"I am," Ford replies. "It's with my editor now. I'm keeping myself busy with some volunteer work at an AIDS hospice."

"An AIDS hospice?" Benji asks. "When did you decide this?"

"Few weeks ago," Ford replies. "I've been so self-involved lately. I need to remind myself that there are others who are far worse off than me."

"What are you going to be doing at the hospice?" Luke asks.

"Just helping out where I can," Ford says. "Cooking mostly. When they found out that I wrote a cookbook they were eager to have me help out in the kitchen."

"Good for you," Luke smiles. He's impressed to see how well Ford is doing post-breakup. Ford may not see it, but he's gotten a lot stronger over the years.

"When do you start?" Benji asks.

"Tomorrow," Ford answers. "So wish me luck."

"You'll do great," Luke says. "You're a positive person to have around at a place like that."

"Thank you," Ford is grateful to have the guys supporting him on this move.

That night, Luke is burning the late night oil. He thinks there must be something in the air, because there has been more news coverage than a daily paper can handle. He has reporters doubling up on their assignments and even has some columnist shortening their space in the paper to make room for more coverage.

"Luke, our advertisers want to have bigger ads than we're providing for tomorrow's issue," his ads person says as she walking into his office. "I told them that we don't have the space and that next week we will accommodate them, but they're refusing."

"Tell them that if they can't deal with their ads being twenty percent smaller than normal then they can pull them if they want," Luke says. "This isn't a negotiation. They either take what we have to offer or they can leave."

"We can't afford to lose these advertisers. Circulation is already down we can't hurt the paper more," she insists.

"Fuck," Luke sighs to himself. "Okay, we'll-" He is interrupted once again by his phone ringing. "Give me one second." He answers the phone, "Hello?"

"It's me," Derek says. "Hi."

"Hey. Listen, I can't talk now. Can I give you a call tomorrow morning?"

"That won't work," Derek replies. "I'll be on a plane to D.C."

"D.C.? What are you going there for?" Luke asks surprised.

"I'm going to a press conference with the president," Derek says.

"The president?" Luke is shocked. "Babe, that's amazing. Congratulations."

"Thanks," Derek replies. "I miss you."

"Yeah, I miss you too," Luke sighs wishing he had the time to really talk to him.

"Things just aren't going the way we though, huh?" Derek asks.

Luke takes a deep breath before answering, "No, they're not. But listen, we'll figure something out, okay?"

"Okay," Derek replies. "Well, I'll let you go."

"Thanks. I have so much work to do," Luke replies. "Call me when you get home from D.C."

"I will," Derek replies. He's about to say `I love you,' but he hears the click of Luke already hanging up the phone. Derek shakes his head, as much as he loves Luke, he knows that the long-distance between them is tearing them apart.

The next day, Jackson goes to visit Shane at his art gallery where he's arranging some art pieces for an exhibit that's taking place the next day.

"Hey," Jackson says walking into the gallery.

"Hey babe," Shane smiles giving Jackson a kiss. "Why aren't you at work?"

"I couldn't concentrate," Jackson replies. "Luke told me I could work from home. How are things going?"

"Good," Shane nods looking around his gallery, "Busy, but good. Tomorrow's gallery hop' is really important for my spot. We have artwork by an artist who is on the must see' list in the art community."

"Is this his stuff?" Jackson asks pointing to some landscape paintings hanging on the wall.

"Yeah," Shane nods. "It's great isn't it? It's a mixture of realism and abstract."

"Really cool," Jackson agrees. "So you're not freaking out about this round of in vitro?"

"I am," Shane admits, "I'm just letting myself get distracted with work."

"Do you think it will take this time?" Jackson worries.

"I hope so babe," Shane gives Jackson a comforting hug. "All we can do now is wait and see."

The two stood together holding on to one another tightly, hoping beyond hope that this turn will bring them their baby. The two's hopes and prayers will be answered. Two weeks later, Brenda will find out she's pregnant.

Ford sits in his car and takes a moment to take in what he's about to do and what he is getting himself into. He knows that working in an aids hospice is serious and will take dedication and understanding. He knows that he will see some people who look as healthy as him and he will see some people who look to be on death's door.

"Okay," Ford says quietly to himself. "Here we go." He gets out of his car and walks into the hospice. He is surprised at how homey the place looks inside, considering how cold the building looks on the outside.

"Can I help you?" a kind-looking young woman asks approaching him. She's wearing pale purple scrubs and is holding a clipboard in her hand.

"Yeah, my name is Ford Ohara, I'm a volunteer," Ford introduces himself.

The woman looks at her clipboard and spots Ford's name, "Oh perfect. Hi, I'm Krystle," she gently shakes Ford's hand.

"Hey Krystle, it's nice to meet you," Ford smiles.

"We appreciate you taking the time to volunteer," Krystle says as she leads Ford into the kitchen. "Any help we can get is great. So you're a chef, huh?"

"I don't know if I'd call myself a chef," Ford replies. "I enjoy cooking."

"That's good," Krystle says. She then looks around the kitchen, "Well, this is obviously where you'll probably be most of the time. It would also be great if you could take the time to hang out with some of the patients here. It helps then to get that social stimulation."

"Absolutely," Ford agrees.

"Well, we have food in the fridge so if you can start getting lunch ready that would be great and we'll go over everything else while we all eat," Krystle says.

"Sounds good," Ford agrees. Krystle leaves the kitchen and Ford goes to look in the fridge to see what he can make. It's fully stocked with all sorts of produce and meats so he decides to make a simple chicken Caesar salad.

"Who are you?" a young man asks walking into the kitchen. He's very thin and looks unhappy.

"Hi," Ford smiles extending his hand, "I'm Ford Ohara."

"So you're the new volunteer?" the man asks, he doesn't bother to shake Ford's hand.

"Yeah," Ford smiles.

"Why are you here?" he asks. "Community service? Here out of guilt?"

"No. I just wanted to try and help out where I can," Ford replies.

"Listen, I have good insight on people," he says in a less than friendly tone. "There are very few people who actually volunteer here because they are saints. I can tell, you're no saint."

"I'm sorry, do you have a problem with me?" Ford asks.

"Chase," Krystle walks in, interrupting the building tension between the two. "Be nice."

"Just getting to know the new guy," Chase replies.

"Why don't you go get ready for lunch?" Krystle suggests.

"Fine," Chase replies keeping his eye on Ford as he walks out of the room.

"Sorry about that," Krystle says. "Chase is a patient here."

"What's with his attitude?" Ford asks.

"Don't mind him," Krystle dismisses. "He really is a good guy. He's just had it tough. He doesn't trust people easily. Give him time to come around."

Ford just nods his head, he begins to wonder if he's in over his head.

Benji comes back from work that night to find Donovan sitting at the dining room table with an unreadable look on his face.

"What's wrong babe?" Benji asks.

"My business is over," Donovan replies. "I'm losing everything."

FALL

"What's Wyatt dressing up as for Halloween?" Luke asks as Shane and him pick up some Halloween candy at the grocery store.

"He wants to be a doctor," Shane boasts proudly.

"Doctor?" Luke smiles. "I thought he'd want to be a superhero or something."

"I did too," Shane replies. "But I think with Brenda pregnant it's made him fascinated with doctors. He says he wants to be one."

"That would be nice," Luke says. "So how is Brenda doing?"

"So far so good," Shane nods. "The baby is developing beautifully."

"I'm surprised you and Jackson haven't bombarded us with pictures from the ultrasound," Luke notes.

Shane shrugs, "Well, I didn't want to be that type of a dad who bores his friends with pictures of that kind of stuff."

"I wouldn't mind," Luke says casually.

"Good. Cause here's the photo," Shane says quickly pulling the ultrasound picture out of his pocket with a big grin on his face.

Over at Benji and Donovan's place, Ford is eating breakfast with the two of them. Donovan has handled the loss of his business surprisingly well. At first it was humiliating for him. His name was in all of the newspapers as the fall of his company was deemed as another result of the poor economy. He hated to see his name along with the headline, "Loses Everything." As months passed however, things became easier for him. He almost has begun to enjoy his forced retirement. While he would prefer to be working, he realizes that he has to take everything one day at a time. Benji assures him everyday that he'll land on his feet.

"Donovan, if you're looking for something to keep you busy, we could use more volunteers at the hospice," Ford mentions as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"Thanks, but I've got some projects around the house to keep me busy," Donovan replies. "I'm actually waiting to hear from a friend of mine about a job opportunity."

"Oh really?" Ford asks. "Who's your friend?"

Benji and Donovan both exchange a look with one another, wondering if they should tell Ford or not. They don't need to, Ford can tell by their silence that he's talking about Pacey.

"How's he doing?" Ford asks.

"Keeping himself occupied," Donovan replies gently. "Do you really want to know about him?"

"Yeah," Ford nods.

"Well, he's not seeing anyone," Donovan lets him know. "I don't know if that's something you want to hear or not."

"He hasn't dated?" Ford asks. "I figured he would have moved on the week after we broke-up. He did that the first time."

"Break-up has been tough on him," Donovan reveals.

"You should call him," Benji suggests.

"No, him and I both need to move on." He shakes his head, knowing it's pointless to milk over his feelings for Pacey. He takes the final sip from his coffee cup and gets up. "I should get going. I have to stop by the grocery store to pick up stuff for the hospice."

"Wait, don't you want to-" Benji begins, but Ford cuts him off.

"Thank you for telling me about him, but I want to move on. I need to," Ford says. "I'll see you guys later."

When Ford arrives at the hospice, he goes to the kitchen to unload the groceries he got. He's about to get lunch started when Chase walks in. Chase and Ford still don't get along. Ford doesn't understand why Chase dislikes him so much, but he stopped dwelling on it and has decided to just do his best to remain civil with him.

"So what are you making for lunch today? The same crap you always make?" Chase asks as he grabs a bottle of water.

"Making tortilla soup," Ford replies. "That's different, no?"

"Whatever," Chase answers. "I'm not hungry anyway."

"That's fine," Ford shrugs, trying his best to stay positive and ignore Chase's attitude.

"So let me ask you something," Chase says. "You've been here a lot longer than I figured you would; what keeps you here?"

"I told you on my first day," Ford replies. "I just want to help out."

"Bullshit," Chase replies. "Level with me. You don't have to impress me. You don't like me, I don't like you. I can tell when someone is here because they are truly selfless and want to help, but I don't get that from you. You're hoping to get something out of being here."

"Honestly," Ford begins, "You're right. There is something I want to get out of this, but-"

"I knew it!" Chase snaps. "I knew it. You tried parading around like you were some kind of hero for being here."

"I was not," Ford denies.

"So tell me the truth, why are you here?"

"What do you think the truth is?" Ford asks. "You seem to have some theory, otherwise you wouldn't be pressing me about it."

"You're doing this because of a guy," Chase accuses. "True or false?"

Ford takes a deep breath, he's sick of Chase accusing him every time he's here that he's volunteering only to impress a guy. This isn't the first time Chase has spun this theory. Every week he seems to accuse Ford of this. He finally decides to come clean, if for nothing else than to get Chase off his back, "You want the truth? Fine. I'll tell you. In some ways, I am here because of a guy, but it's not what you think."

"Oh yeah? Then enlighten me," Chase says.

"Well, I'm not going this to impress a guy or anything like that," Ford says. "I'm doing this because I broke-up with someone."

"Son-of-a-bitch," Chase shakes his head angrily. "I knew it. I knew deep down you were a shit. You're like the rest of them."

"Excuse me?" Ford asks.

"I can tell you how this story goes," Chase says as he begins to pace around Ford like a hawk circling its prey. "You were dating a man and found out he has HIV, you couldn't handle it so you left him. However, your guilty conscious caught up with you so you began volunteering here to try and forgive yourself. Well, guess what? You're not going to get that forgiveness here!"

Ford looks at him in confusion, "That's not how it went at all... My ex-boyfriend doesn't have HIV. Him and I broke-up because I couldn't make it work in Denver with him. Since our break-up I got too self-involved with my own problems that I started volunteering here to remind myself that other people have it a lot worse than me."

Chase looks at him stunned. He wasn't expecting this answer.

"Why did you come to that conclusion?" Ford asks.

"No reason," Chase says quickly. "Just do me a favor and stay away from me." He quickly exits the room, leaving Ford curious about what Chase's story is.

A few days later, Luke is in his office on his lunch break. While he's eating his food, he gets a text message from Derek.

`Call me when you have free time tonight. I'll be up.'

Luke raises an eyebrow, curious about what it is Derek wants to talk about. Truth is, the two haven't spoken to each other in a week. Maybe he just wants to catch up,' he thinks to himself as he puts his phone away. Or maybe it's something worse...' He can't help but think. He's well aware that the two haven't been very good at communicating with each other lately. He's noticed the distance between the two of them, but he's hoping that they can work something out to fix that. He just wishes they both at the time to go out and visit one another.

"You have a minute?" Jackson asks knocking on the door to Luke's office.

"For you, I have two," Luke replies. "What's up?"

"I just got back from lunch and wanted to know if you got a chance to read over my review of the Gallery Hop," Jackson says.

"Yeah I did," Luke nods as he picks up Jackson's article. "I noticed that you wrote quite a bit about a gallery that a certain someone we both know manages." Luke smiles. "It's a good piece Jackson, but try to be a little more neutral, okay?"

"Got it," Jackson laughs. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine," Luke says.

"Are you going to go trick-or-treating with Brenda, Shane and me tonight?" Jackson asks.

"I have to pass," Luke says. "I got a text from Derek, he wants to talk with me tonight."

"Everything okay?" Jackson wonders.

"I think so," Luke replies. "We'll see."

"He hasn't come into town for a while," Jackson notes. "It's been almost three months since he's been here hasn't it?"

"I don't even know anymore," Luke shrugs.

"Does it bother you?" Jackson wonders.

"You know, at first it did, but I've gotten used to it," Luke answers. "Is that a bad thing?"

"I don't know," Jackson replies. "I'm not the best at giving relationship advice. I was the one who ruined your relationship with Shane, remember?"

Luke laughs, happy that the two of them have become close enough now to where they can joke about that time in their lives, "Imagine if I was still with Shane? We'd probably have killed each other by now. I think it was a blessing in disguise when he got with you."

"Glad that his infidelity has turned into a good thing," Jackson laughs as he heads out of Luke's office, "If you change your mind about tonight, we're meeting at Brenda's at seven."

"Thanks," Luke calls out. Jackson leaves. Luke finishes up his lunch and then gets back to work and thinking about what Derek wants to discuss.

That night, at Brenda's house, Shane is helping Wyatt get his doctor costume on.

"You look great champ," Shane smiles at his son. "So are you excited to meet your little brother or sister?"

"Yes!" Wyatt says enthusiastically. "I'm going to be the best big brother."

"I know you will," Shane says proudly. "And you've been doing a great job at taking care of your mom during her pregnancy."

"Yes he has," Brenda smiles as she walks into Wyatt's room to join the two of them. "Jackson just called, he's on his way over."

"Great," Shane smiles. He turns his attention back to Wyatt, "Then we'll meet up with your friends and go trick-or-treating. Deal?"

"Deal!" Wyatt beams as he finishes putting on his white lab coat.

The doorbell rings. Brenda looks at her son, "That much be your friends. Why don't you go answer the door?"

Wyatt rushes out of the room. Shane looks at Brenda and her growing stomach, "So are you feeling all right?"

"I am," Brenda smiles. "A little morning sickness, but other than that, I'm doing good."

"Brenda, I don't know if I can thank you enough for doing this," Shane says.

"Shane, you and Jackson have thanked me enough," Brenda replies.

Shane shakes his head, "I don't think you understand how grateful we are. It's the greatest thing anyone has ever done for us."

"I'm glad to do it," Brenda smiles. "Besides, it gives Wyatt a sibling. We are the most unconventional family, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Me neither," Shane replies. He's glad the way things worked out for them. He never would have guessed that the drunk night he had with Brenda would lead to them being to where they are now. All together as a family.

When Luke gets home from work he calls Derek as he wanted him to.

"Hello?" a sleepy Derek answers the phone.

"Hey, it's me," Luke answers. "Hope you weren't sleeping."

"No, I was just resting my eyes," Derek answers groggily. "How are you?"

"Okay," Luke shrugs, "Happy Halloween."

"Happy Halloween," Derek answers. "It's been a while since we talked."

"I know. I feel like we're strangers," Luke half-jokes, although it's partially true. The physical and emotional distance between the two has truly affected them.

The two quietly sit on the phone with one another, neither one knows what to say or where to begin. Luke hoped that this conversation would never come, but he realizes that it's been a long time coming since Derek left. They both though they could handle the long-distance, there were so sure that they figured out how to manage a relationship on opposite coasts.

"I don't want us to break-up," Derek sighs.

Luke shakes his head, "Me neither."

"But-"

"This isn't working."

"I was so sure we'd be one of the few couples who could do this," Derek says.

"Me too." Luke takes a deep breath. "But what can we do?"

"This is ridiculous," Derek says. "We both love each other, we don't want to break-up, so why is this happening?"

"Well..." Luke begins. "Maybe we won't break-up. We'll just take a break."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Derek asks.

"Not quite," Luke replies. "We're both busy with our careers now, so let's just focus on that and when things begin to settle down a bit we can talk again and see where we are."

"I guess that can work," Derek agrees. "So we're both still going to be faithful to each other, right?"

"Absolutely," Luke assures him.

"Okay," Derek nods his head in agreement. "Well, I guess I should get going."

"Okay," Luke replies. "So...I'll talk to you soon."

"Yeah. Talk to you soon." The two of them stay silent on the phone with one another for a few moments, both realizing that it may very well be months before they talk again...

A few days later, Ford is at the hospice when he notices Chase sitting by himself in the living room. He's about to ignore him and go into the kitchen to get lunch prepared, but he sees a sadness in Chase's eyes and decides to go talk to him.

"Hey." Ford walks up to Chase and sits across from him in the living room.

"What do you want?" Chase asks annoyed.

Ford shrugs off Chase's attitude, "You seemed down so I wanted to check in and make sure you were okay."

"I'm great," Chase replies quickly. "You can go now."

"you know, something's been bothering me since the last time we talked," Ford says. "Why did you think that I left someone who was HIV positive?"

"No reason," Chase says. "It was just a guess."

"Want to know my theory?" Ford asks.

"Not really," Chase shakes his head and begins to flip through a magazine.

Ford ignores him and talks anyway, "I think that happened with you. You dated someone who you really liked and when he found out you were HIV positive he left." Chase freezes as Ford talks, clearly stung by those words. "I think that's why you aren't the friendliest person and rightfully so. Am I right?"

Chase doesn't say anything for a while. He finally turns to Ford and shakes his head angrily. "Go to hell." He storms out of the living room and goes to his bedroom.

Feeling badly, Ford goes to Chase's room and walks in.

"You can knock," Chase glares. "Get out of my room."

"I just want to apologize," Ford says. "I didn't mean to hit a nerve."

"Just leave." Chase's back is facing Ford.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ford offers.

"To you?" Chase asks. "Fat chance."

Ford shakes his head in frustration. "Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you?"

"Nothing," Chase replies, still not facing Ford. "Just go."

"No. Chase, I'm going to be volunteering here for a while, so until you tell me why you hate me, I'm not going to leave you alone," Ford says.

"You remind me of him!" Chase explodes, he turns around and Ford can see tears in his eyes. "Every time I see you I get reminded of what happened and how he just left me!"

Ford is stunned to silence, he's not sure how to reply or what to say. In the time he's been volunteering at the hospice, he's never seen Chase vulnerable like he is now. He's always been a jerk to him and now here he is crying in front of him. As much as Ford didn't like him, he can't help but feel sorry for him now.

"I'm sorry," Ford finally says sincerely. "That's horrible."

"Can you just leave me alone, please?" Chase asks.

"Okay," Ford nods. He heads to the door to leave, but before he goes he turns back to Chase. "If you ever want to talk or just need a friend or anything. I'm here." He walks out, leaving Chase alone in his room.

While in the kitchen cooking, Ford finishes putting lunch together when his cell phone begins to ring.

"Hello?" Ford answers.

"Hey." Ford's eyes grew wide when he hears the familiar sound of Pacey's voice. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Ford replies nervously. He didn't expect to be affected this much by the sound of Pacey's voice after all this time. "How are you?"

"Doing okay," Pacey answers. "Just busy with work. How's the cookbook coming?"

"It's done, it should be out in a few months," Ford answers. "Right now I'm keeping busy with some volunteer work."

"Oh yeah?" Pacey asks curious. "Where?"

"Aids hospice," Ford answers. "I actually have you to thank for deciding to do this."

"You're welcome?" Pacey asks uncertain if that's a good or bad thing.

"You see," Ford begins. He pauses, hesitant to reveal too much, but there's a comfort talking to Pacey, even now after they've broken up, there's a comfort that has never gone away. "After we broke-up I indulged too much into self-pity that I needed to channel that energy elsewhere. After all this time, I'm still trying to grow-up."

"That's great," Pacey sighs. "Reminds me why I love you."

Ford smiles to himself, glad to hear that Pacey still cares for him so much. "Why did you call Pace?"

Pacey takes a deep breath and sighs over the phone before he slowly says, "I don't know..."

Ford stayed quiet, he wants to hear Pacey say something, anything that would let him know that he wants to start over, but he knows that it would be pointless to entertain those thoughts. It wouldn't change the problems they had. Ford finally says, "Well...I guess I should get going."

"Okay," Pacey quietly answers. "It was nice to hear your voice."

"Yours too," Ford smiles. "Take care Pace."

"Bye Ford."

Ford hangs up the phone and closes his eyes trying to hold back a wave of sorrow.

"Was that the guy?" Chase asks.

Ford opens his eyes and sees Chase leaning against a cabinet. "How long have you been here?"

"Just a little bit," Chase replies. "So was that the ex-boyfriend?"

"Yes," Ford nods. He then cocks his head to the side, "Why are you here? I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

"Look, I'm sorry for how I treated you. It was never really you I hated," Chase says uncomfortably. He hates to apologize for anything.

"Don't worry about it," Ford says.

"I have a lot of anger," Chase admits, he then deadpans, "Obviously."

Ford lets out a laugh, he was surprised to see that Chase actually had a sense of humor. After this moment, the ice between the two of them finally began to melt and they soon would become friends.

WINTER

"So I think we should put the tree next to the window," Shane says gesturing to a big window in the living room of his and Jackson's home. "Or maybe by the fireplace...or maybe-"

"Or maybe you can make a decision so we can set the tree down!" Luke protests. Shane turns to see Luke, Jackson and Ford unhappily holding the heavy Christmas tree.

"Fine. Put it by the window," Shane decides. "Thanks guys."

"Okay. I found the ornaments in the attic," Benji says coming down the stairs. "You two really should organize up there. It's filthy."

"I keep telling Shane that but he keeps putting it off," Jackson says.

"Having a clean attic defeats the purpose of an attic. It's supposed to be messy," Shane defends.

"Well, let's just hurry and decorate," Ford says. "I need to be at the hospice by four to cook for the Christmas party we're having."

"They do parties at the hospice?" Luke asks.

"Usually not." Ford begins to unwrap some of the ornaments from the decoration box, "But I wanted to do it. Most of those people there are so depressed all the time, they need to have some fun."

"That's nice of you," Benji says. "And how's your friend there doing?"

"Chase is okay," Ford says. "He's gotten a little thin, but he still has a lot of energy. So that's a good sign."

"Must be hard being friends with someone who has AIDS," Jackson notes.

"You know, I don't really think of him as having AIDS," Ford explains. "When we talk, we don't bring up the disease or the fact that he's spending his final months in a hospice. We just talk about normal, every day things."

"I think volunteering there is the best thing you've ever done," Luke says. "It was a good decision for you."

"I think so too," Ford replies. "It's helped me prioritize what's really important in life."

"Like what?" Shane looks over at Ford as he finishes putting some tinsel on the tree.

"Well, before I was always so obsessed with being in a relationship and having the ideal romance," Ford says. "I thought that's what I needed to be happy, but it isn't. Being in a relationship is great, but I shouldn't have to count on it in order to have a full life, you know?"

"Good for you." Luke gives Ford a warm smile, impressed that he's come to that realization. He sees how much Ford has really grown over the years.

"Look at all of us," Benji notes. "I think we've all finally grown up."

The guys take a moment to see how far they've come.

When Ford gets to the hospice, Chase is already in the kitchen washing off vegetables for the dinner.

"Hey," Ford smiles walking in.

"I'm almost done with these," Chase says as he sets the carrots down on a paper towel to dry off.

"Thanks," Ford replies. "So how's it going?"

"Good," Chase nods. "Felt a little dizzy this morning, but I feel a lot better now."

"Dizzy?" Ford asks concerned. "Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it." Chase gives Ford a reassuring look. "I'm fine."

"So do you have family or anyone who you plan to see on Christmas?" Ford asks as he turns the oven on for the pork roast he plans to cook.

"No," Chase replies. "My parents and I haven't spoken in a while."

"Sorry to hear that," Ford says. "Do they know..."

"That I have AIDS?" Chase asks. "No."

"You don't want to tell them?" Ford asks.

"The last time I spoke to them was when I came out at sixteen," Chase replies. "You know how they answered? They said, `Pack your things, this is the last night you'll be staying under our roof.'"

Ford is stunned into silence, he isn't too sure how to reply. "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Chase shrugs. "I've gotten used to it."

"Can I ask you a question?" Ford looks to Chase, hoping he's in a mood to open up a bit. Even though they've become friends, there still is a lot that Chase hasn't been willing to share.

"Sure," Chase replies.

"How did you end up here?" Ford asks. "At the hospice."

"You mean, how did I get AIDS?" Chase asks.

"I guess," Ford turns to face Chase, "Do you mind talking about it?"

"No," Chase pauses for a moment, "I'll talk about it." Him and Ford go to the table in the kitchen and sit down to talk. "I met Jimmy about fifteen years ago, I was twenty-one years old, new to the whole gay scene and he took care of me. He became my everything, the love of my life. We were very serious with one another and he helped me get my degree and get a good job and it was amazing."

"He sounds like a good guy," Ford comments.

"He is," Chase replies. "Well, he was...Anyway, about nine years ago we wanted to try and spice things up in our relationship."

"Spice things up?" Ford asks.

"In the bedroom," Chase explains. "We both always wanted to try a...group thing."

"Oh," Ford nods understanding. "Interesting."

"Gross, you mean," Chase shakes his head, "It's okay if that's what you want to say, because that's what I think now looking back on it... Well, we did it and we didn't do good job at being safe that night because one of the guys ended up being positive."

"So you both got infected?" Ford asks.

"I did. He didn't," Chase replies. "He freaked when we found out and left me. I never heard from him again."

"Oh my God," Ford sighs feeling horribly for Chase. "I'm so sorry."

"After he left I didn't take care of myself." A look of regret flashes across his face, "Had I taken care of myself and taken my medication early enough I could have prevented all this, or at least prolonged it, but I was stupid."

"That's horrible," Ford shakes his head.

"So, I think you can understand why I don't really trust people to easily anymore," Chase sighs.

"Yeah, I get it," Ford nods his head. "So you never heard from Jimmy since?"

"No," Chase shakes his head, "Even though life kinda dealt me a shitty hand, I have no regrets about anything."

"Really?" Ford asks surprised.

"Yeah," Chase replies. "As you reach the end of the line, you can't live with regrets."

"You are not reaching the end of the line," Ford shakes his head, "You look great still."

"Ford, be honest. I look like shit," Chase says. "I know that. I've lost twenty pounds in the last month alone. It's coming to an end, maybe not now, but I know I won't be here this time next year."

"Well, I think you'll be around for a while still," Ford says optimistically.

Chase shakes his head, but decides to just go along with it, "If you say so. Come on, let's get back to cooking."

Ford gets up with Chase as he looks at him, he can't help but feel a wave of sadness knowing that this time next year he won't be around.

Back at Shane and Jackson's place, Luke is still there with them helping to decorate for the holidays.

"I think the house will look even better than last year after we get all the decorations up," Luke says as he hangs some garland on the staircase.

"Thanks for helping us out all day," Jackson says as him and Shane finish decorating the tree.

"It's no problem," Luke answers. "It was either this or spend my Saturday sitting at home reading a book."

"Jackson was telling me that things have slowed down at work lately," Shane brings up.

"A little bit," Luke replies. "Circulation is down. More and more people are opting to subscribe to our online newspaper instead of a printed copy."

"Is the Bulletin in trouble?" Jackson asks concerned for his job.

"If you're talking about your job, then no," Luke answers. "I'm not supposed to say anything, but there are talks of going completely online with the paper."

"Seriously?" Jackson asks.

"Yeah," Luke nods. "It's the direction all newspapers will be heading eventually and we're thinking of trying it out and seeing how it goes."

"It's amazing how much newspapers are changing," Shane comments.

"How will that affect our jobs?" Jackson asks.

Luke quickly answers, "You'll still have a job, but the way we work might change a bit. We're thinking of cutting down on a lot of things so more and more people may be working from home and majority of your stories will be submitted to me via e-mail instead of printing out a copy and bringing it to me to edit."

"That's a pretty risky thing to do," Shane notes. "You'd be one of the first papers to do that."

"I know, that's why nothing has been decided yet," Luke says. He looks Jackson in the eyes, "So you can't say anything to anyone at the paper, okay? I don't want to worry anyone yet."

"Okay. I promise," Jackson agrees.

Shane turns to Luke and wonders, "Since you'd be getting most of your work done through e-mail, does that mean you won't be as busy as you usually are?"

"I'll still be busy," Luke says. "I just won't have to be in the office all the time."

"Which means you can get your work done any place, right?" Shane asks, "Like Boston, maybe?"

"Believe me, I've thought about that," Luke replies. "I would like nothing more than to be able to start things up again with Derek, but again, nothing's been decided."

"For your sake, I hope this thing works out," Shane says. "We can tell you've been upset about the break-up."

"It's not a break-up," Luke insists.

"Yeah, yeah, it's a `break.' Whatever that means," Jackson adds. "Either way, you guys aren't talking or making any attempts to see one another. It's been two months, shouldn't one of you call the other?"

"When I figure out what's going to happen with my job then I'll call him," Luke replies. "I'm done talking about me. How's Brenda?"

"She's great," Shane says. "The pregnancy is going smoothly."

"And you all still don't want to know the sex of the baby?" Luke asks.

"Nope," the two of them reply.

"How the hell are we supposed to get the baby gifts if we don't know if it's a boy or a girl?" Luke asks.

"Get gender neutral colored clothes, like yellow," Shane says.

"Yellow?" Luke asks. "Yeah, that's not a gender neutral color." The three laugh and continue to have a nice day together.

When Benji gets home, he overhears Donovan talking to someone in their kitchen. He walks into the kitchen and is surprised to see Pacey sitting at the table with him.

"Pacey? What a fabulous surprise," Benji smiles and gives him a hug. "What's going on?"

"I came to talk to Don about joining my company," Pacey smiles.

"Seriously?" Benji asks. "You two talked about it so long ago I thought I fell through."

"It took me some time to come up with a position for him," Pacey explains. "I wanted to make sure his talents were used to the best of his abilities and I finally think I found the perfect one if I can get him to agree to it."

"Why won't you agree to it?" Benji asks Donovan.

"It's a great job," Donovan replies. "It's a CFO position, but it's in Denver."

"Oh," Benji replies. "I see."

"With your stores and everything I can't just expect you to up and move with me. So I said I need time to think it over," Donovan says.

"That's a good idea," Benji agrees. "We should talk about it."

"Well just let me know when you figure it out," Pacey says. "I should head out, I have a flight to catch tonight."

"Wait a minute," Benji stops Pacey. "You're out here and you aren't going to see Ford?"

"What's the point?" Pacey asks. "He wants to stay out here with you guys and my job requires me to be in Denver. I'm too old to be doing the long-distance thing."

"I'm sure he'd like to see you," Benji insists.

Pacey smiles, "I would love to see him, but like I said, there's no point." He gives Benji and Donovan a hug. "It was good seeing you two. Take care now."

After Pacey leaves, Benji goes and sits next to Donovan. "We need to get those two back together."

"I think we should stay out of it," Donovan says. "It's not our place."

"What are you talking about? Ford is my best friend and Pacey is your best friend. It's completely our business," Benji exclaims. "We're going to do this!"

"And how do you propose we do that?" Donovan asks.

"We'll figure something out," Benji says determined to make his friend happy.

On Christmas Eve, Luke headed up to Los Angeles where he is spending the day with his friends, Kurt and Leo. When he told them last week what happened between him and Derek, they insisted he come up to Los Angeles to see them and make sure things were okay. When he got up to Los Angeles, he went to Kurt's place, where Leo and him were waiting for him.

"Merry Christmas!" Kurt says warmly as he opens the door to let Luke in.

"You too," Luke replies giving Kurt a big hug. "Is the baby here?"

"Yeah," Kurt replies. "She's in the living room with Leo and Liam."

"I can't believe you two both have kids," Luke says admirably.

"I can't believe you still haven't met them yet," Kurt replies. "Liam is already almost three years old and Jennie just had her first birthday."

"Time flies," Luke says as they walk into the living room where Leo is sitting holding Kurt's daughter, Jennie in his arms while his son, Liam is on the floor playing with Legos.

"Hey you," Leo smiles when he sees Luke. "Want to meet Kurt's daughter?"

"Yeah!" Luke says softly as he takes Jennie into his arms and holds her tenderly. "She's beautiful. A couple friends of mine down in San Diego are expecting a kid in the spring."

"It's amazing having a kid," Kurt says as he kisses the top of Jennie's head. "It's the greatest feeling."

"And that must be Liam?" Luke asks gesturing to Leo's son.

"Yep," Leo replies. "That's my boy." Leo gets Liam's attention, "Hey Liam. Say hi to your Uncle Luke."

"Hi," Liam replies obediently before going back to playing with his toys.

"So how are you doing?" Kurt asks as they sit down together. "How long have you and Derek been apart?"

"A couple months," Luke answers. "We're not too sure what's going to happen."

"You'll work it out," Leo says confidently. "You have to. It's Nick after all."

Luke smiles, "Yeah, I'm not so sure."

Kurt and Leo both look at one another and raise their eyebrows in surprise about that comment. Kurt then says, "But you were so sure before. What made you change your mind?"

"It's just that I'm not sure anymore," Luke replies. "I don't know if it is or isn't... and I don't want to know. I don't want to rely on that idea to keep me and him together, you know? That shouldn't be the reason why I'm with him."

"I see," Kurt nods understanding.

"Well I don't," Leo says. "We met him, we know somewhere deep down that it's Nick."

"Leo, if I let myself believe that then it wouldn't be a healthy relationship," Luke explains. "I can't be with someone like that."

"It makes sense," Kurt nods. "So you mentioned that you two are on a break now. Does that mean you're going to get back together?"

"I don't know," Luke replies. "It depends on our jobs."

"That sucks," Leo shakes his head, "You two might break-up because of your jobs. That shouldn't be the thing that ends a relationship."

"Leo knows a thing or two about having a job affect a relationship," Kurt mentions.

"Oh that's right," Luke nods. "You and Jesse broke-up for a while because of that, huh?"

"We were apart for a year," Leo tells him. "Worst year of my life."

"And how did you two get back on track?" Luke asks.

"I found a job that was still something I loved to do, but also allowed me time to be with him and Liam," Leo says.

"Well, there is a possibility that my job will allow me more time to travel so I can go to Boston and be with him," Luke says.

"That's great then," Leo says. "Just take my advice, if you want him then do everything you can to make it work. There's nothing worst than not being with the person you love."

"Okay," Luke nods. "I'll try to make it work out."

"Good," Leo replies. "Don't let him get away."

Luke changes the subject, "So you all are doing good then?"

"Yeah," Kurt nods. "Everything is really great. Leo and I stopped by Nick's grave this morning."

"I'm planning to stop by there on my way home," Luke says. "I talked to his parents on the way up here. They sound good."

"Yeah," Leo nods. "Do they know about Derek?"

"No," Luke shakes his head, "I'm not going to tell them."

"Good idea," Kurt says. "You know, even though odds are that Derek isn't Nick, it's comforting just to have that thought."

"Yeah," Luke nods with a gentle smile. "It is." The three take a moment to think about Nick and how much has changed since he passed.

New Years Eve quickly came, Shane and Jackson are hosting at their house. Luke, Ford, Benji, Donovan and Brenda came for the evening to ring in the New Year together.

"You look beautiful," Luke says giving Brenda a glass of sparkling cider. He is amazed how well Brenda is carrying the baby weight, it looks like the only place she's gained weight is in her stomach. She is the type of woman who makes pregnancy look glamorous.

"Thank you," Brenda smiles. "I feel really good, except I have to pee every five minutes. The baby keeps pressing on my bladder."

"The joys of pregnancy," Luke jokes.

"Tell me about it," Brenda laughs. "I tell you, Shane and Jackson owe me big time for this."

"We know," Jackson says as he walks by and gives her a kiss on the cheek. He then goes to the bathroom.

"Damn, I actually needed to use the restroom," Brenda mutters to herself when she sees Jackson close the door to the restroom behind him.

"Use the one upstairs," Luke suggests.

"Good idea," Brenda says getting up from her chair. She then closes her eyes and wobbles a bit. "Whoa."

"You okay?" Luke asks.

"Yeah," Brenda nods. "I just got a little light headed. I'm fine. I'll be right back." She leaves the room.

In the kitchen, Ford is mixing a salad that he made while Benji is sitting on the kitchen counter next to him.

"You doing okay?" Benji asks.

"I'm great," Ford shrugs.

"You sure about that?" Benji presses.

"Yes," Ford looks at Benji quizzically. "Why you asking?"

"Well, it's New Years Eve," Benji notes. "Who are you going to kiss at midnight?"

"No one," Ford says. "I don't need to kiss anyone."

"Don't you want to?" Benji asks. "Like Pacey?"

"Why are you bringing him up?" Ford asks.

"Don't you miss him?" Benji wonders.

"Benji, I don't want to talk about it," Ford replies. "Him and I are over and I have to move on."

"But-" Benji begins.

"No," Ford says. "Just drop it, okay?" Ford takes his salad bowl and takes it into the dining room for everyone to eat.

"How did it go?" Donovan asks walking into the room.

"He says that he wants to move on from Pacey," Benji replies.

"Maybe you should just leave it alone," Donovan suggests.

Benji shakes his head, "Or maybe I just need to approach this a different way."

"Benji, can we maybe focus on our lives before you go and try to fix Ford and Pacey's?" Donovan asks. "We need to decide what to do about this job Pacey is offering me."

"I know and we will discuss it," Benji says. "Later. Pacey says we can have all the time we need to think about it."

"I know, but I would still like to give him an answer sooner rather than later," Donovan replies.

"Fine," Benji says. "But it's the holidays and we should enjoy them. We'll discuss life-altering plans after, okay?"

"Okay, but we can't keep putting it off," Donovan points out.

"I know," Benji nods in agreement. "In the meantime, how about an early New Years kiss?" Donovan smiles as he leans in and gently kisses Benji.

Ford walks back into the kitchen and sees them kissing. Ford smiles to himself, even though he is pretending to not care about kissing anyone at midnight, he does secretly wish he was. He still often thinks about Pacey's soft lips touching his as they used to hold each other tightly. His thoughts are quickly interrupted though when he hears a loud scream and a tumble down the stairs. Ford, Benji and Donovan quickly race into the hallway where Shane, Jackson and Luke are already rushing to Brenda who is lying at the bottom of the stairs.

"What happened?!" Donovan asks.

"Brenda fell down the stairs," Luke says. "Call an ambulance!"

"What happened Brenda?" Shane asks as he gently rests her head on his lap.

"I don't know," Brenda says weakly. "I was coming down the stairs and I just got lightheaded and I just started falling." She then clutches her stomach in pain, "I think something's wrong."

Shane and Jackson both look at each other gravely when she says those words.

An ambulance quickly arrives and rushes Brenda to the hospital. Shane rides with her, while Luke drives Jackson, Benji, Ford and Donovan.

When they arrive in the hospital, Shane is escorted to the waiting room where the guys are already waiting for him.

"How is she?" Ford asks.

"I don't know yet," Shane shakes his head. "The doctor is with her now. He's going to come out and talk to Jackson and me after he examines her."

"They don't know what happened?" Luke asks.

"No," Shane shakes his head nervously. Him and Jackson hold hands tightly. "They're going to run some tests on the baby too and make sure everything is okay there too."

"Do you two need anything?" Donovan asks.

"No thanks," Shane shakes his head. He then begins to pace around the room.

"You two should sit down and try to relax," Benji suggests.

"I can't relax," Jackson replies. "Not until I know the baby is okay."

As the guys are sitting and waiting, Luke's cell phone rings. He is surprised when he sees Derek's name flash on the Caller-ID.

"Hey," Luke answers as he walks outside of the hospital to talk.

"Happy New Year," Derek says cheerfully. "You guys having fun?"

"Not really," Luke replies. "We're all at the hospital right now."

"What?! What happened?" Derek asks.

"Brenda fell down the stairs at Shane and Jackson's place," Luke explains. "We're waiting to make sure everything is okay. She's with the doctor now."

"Oh my God," Derek sighs. "That's awful. I wish there was something I could do."

"We all wish there was something we could do," Luke says.

"I guess it would be dumb of me to ask how you're doing," Derek says.

"Other than this incident, I'm okay," Luke replies. "I went up to L.A. last week and saw Kurt and Leo."

"How are they?" Derek asks.

"Good," Luke replies. "It was nice seeing them. So are you having a fun New Years?"

"No," Derek replies. "I'm alone at my apartment watching TV. I have to work early tomorrow so I didn't feel like going out. Besides, it's no fun when you have no one to kiss at midnight."

"I feel ya," Luke adds.

"I miss you," Derek sighs. "I'm beginning to regret taking this job."

"But you love it," Luke points out.

"I do," Derek agrees. "But it's hard being away from you."

"I miss you too," Luke replies.

An hour later, Dr. Shultz walks into the waiting room. Shane and Jackson both rush over to her to find out what's going on.

"The baby? How's the baby?" Shane asks.

"The baby is fine," Dr. Shultz tells them. The guys both take a big sigh of relief. "Brenda is okay too. She just has some minor bruising."

"Why did she faint?" Jackson asks.

"We ran some tests and she's anemic," Dr. Shultz explains. "This means that she has fewer red blood cells to carry oxygen to the brain, this caused her to feel lightheaded and fall. To fix this, we have given her some iron supplements and added iron to her prenatal vitamins."

"Is anemia common?" Shane asks.

"Very common," Dr. Shultz tells them. "Don't worry. Brenda and the baby will be just fine."

"Thank God," Jackson sighs. "Thank you Dr. Shultz."

"Would you two like to go see her?" Dr. Shultz asks.

"Please," Shane says. "And thank you for rushing down here to examine her."

"When you're my patient, I give 100% of my attention to you," Dr. Shultz smiles.

Shane turns to Benji, Ford and Donovan and gives them thumbs up before he goes with Dr. Shultz and Jackson to see Brenda.

Luke returns into the living room and joins the guys.

"Where's Shane and Jackson?" Luke asks.

"They're going to see Brenda," Ford says. "The baby and her are fine."

"Oh good," Luke sighs gratefully. He then notices the time on the clock in the waiting room. "It's midnight. Happy New Year guys."

"Happy New Year." They all reply to one another.

"Let's hope that tonight wasn't a preview of how the rest of the year will go," Ford quips. As the guys sit together, they all reflect on the past year and what they hope the future year will hold for them.

SPRING

Spring arrived and things are still ever changing for our guys. Luke is in final talks to head the Bulletin as it makes the transition to being completely online. Ford took some time after the holidays to do a book tour for his cookbook, it became one of the best selling cookbooks due to its simple recipes. His publishers are anxious for him to do another cookbook, but he wants to focus on his volunteer work at the hospice. Shane, Jackson and Brenda are doing well. Brenda is only a few weeks away from giving birth. Meanwhile, Donovan still hasn't taken the job with Pacey yet because Benji still finds reasons to avoid talking about it which is beginning to frustrate Don. Benji has been scheming to find ways to get Ford and Pacey back together. He's not sure how to do this since Pacey won't leave Denver and Ford refuses to move back there.

"I need to talk to Jackson," Luke says as Shane opens the front door of his place. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Shane replies letting Luke in. "What's going on?"

"It's about the Bulletin," Luke replies.

"Oh okay." Shane calls upstairs to Jackson. A few moments later Jackson comes down the stairs.

"Hey Luke," Jackson says. "Were we expecting you over?"

"No," Luke shakes his head. "I just came from a meeting with the publisher and it's official. We're going to go viral starting next month."

"Next month? So soon?" Shane asks.

"Yeah. They want to get a jump on it. We'd be the first U.S. paper to do this," Luke replies. "So we want to make a big media storm over this venture. Eventually every newspaper will be headed online and we want to be the first in the U.S. to do so."

"So what does this mean for the staff?" Jackson asks.

"You all will still have jobs, we're actually discussing the idea of having each section of the newspaper have a separate blog to specialize in," Luke says. "Since you're the editor of the Arts & Leisure section, you would be in charge of the Art Blog. What do you think?"

"That sounds awesome," Jackson replies.

"Hours will be much different too," Luke says. "Since it's all online we don't have to worry about rushing to press. Hours will be a little more lenient and most of the people can work from home and we'll have weekly meetings."

"That sounds great," Shane says. He then jokes, "Almost makes me want to come back to the Bulletin."

"Well I think it's a great idea," Jackson says. "So does this mean what I think it means?"

"It does," Luke nods. "It means that I'll finally have time for Derek again."

"I'm sure he'll be happy about that," Shane says. "Have you told him yet?"

"No. I was thinking of flying to Boston and surprising him," Luke replies.

"That's a great idea," Jackson nods. "Do it."

"Okay," Luke replies. "I'm going to go tonight so I'll talk to you guys later. I have to go pack."

"Thanks for stopping by," Jackson gives Luke a hug before he leaves.

Meanwhile, Ford arrives at the hospice and is approached quickly by Krystle.

"Thank God you're here," Krystle says urgently.

"What's going on?" Ford asks.

"It's Chase," Krystle says gravely. Ford's heart sinks when he hears her say his name.

"Where is he?" Ford asks.

"He's in his room," Krystle replies. "He's been asking for you."

The two of them walk towards his room, "I don't understand. He was fine when I saw him last week."

"He got really sick a few days ago," Krystle says. "I know you two have become friends, so I want to warn you. He may not last much longer." The stop outside of his room and Ford takes a deep breath trying to calm himself down. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah," Ford nods. "I have to be. Thanks."

"I'll be checking on some of the other patients if you need me," Krystle says.

Ford gives her a gentle smile before she walks away. He once again takes a deep breath before walking into Chase's room. When he sees him lying on the bed he does his best to mask his shock. Chase looks so much different than when he saw him only a week ago. He's gotten very thin and pale, his lips are cracking and the spirit he once had seems to have left him.

"Hey," Ford says gently as he approached Chase.

Chase smiles weakly, "Hi."

"You look good," Ford sweetly lies.

"You're so full of shit," Chase tries to joke. "Glad you're here."

"Me too," Ford smiles. "Do you need anything?"

"No," Chase replies. "I just wanted to tell you something."

Ford gives him his undivided attention. "What is it?"

"Remember when I said that I have no regrets?" Chase brings up.

"Yeah," Ford replies.

"It's a lie," Chase says. "I do have regrets. There are so many things I wish I could have done. I wish I really lived. I wish I took better care of myself when I got HIV. I wish I was still with Jimmy."

"Really? Even after he left you?" Ford asks.

"Yeah," Chase nods. "He was the love of my life. Take it from me, don't do what I did. Live as much as you can."

"I will," Ford promises.

"Go with your instincts and live with no regrets," Chase sighs weakly.

Ford does his best to stay upbeat for Chase, "That's awfully sentimental of you."

Chase tries to laugh, "I guess that's what happens when you reach this point."

Ford wants to say `you'll be fine' or something along those lines, but he knows how pointless it is. There's nothing that could be done at this point.

"I'm so tired," Chase sighs.

"Just close your eyes," Ford says gently. "I'll be here the whole time."

Ford didn't leave Chase's room, he stayed with him for the entire day. At seven o'clock that evening, he passed away.

Later that night, Shane and Jackson were laying in bed together kissing. Jackson began to remove his shirt when they were interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

"It's ten o'clock," Shane says looking at the clock, "Who's visiting us at this time?"

"Should we ignore it?" Jackson asks as he kisses Shane's neck. The idea is tempting to Shane, but there's another knock on the door.

"I'll get rid of whoever it is," Shane says getting out of bed. He goes downstairs to answer the door. His eyes grow wide in shock when he sees Derek when he opens the door. "Derek! Why aren't you in Boston?"

"I finally got a weekend off and wanted to surprise him," Derek says. "I went to his place but he wasn't home and I couldn't reach him on his phone."

"That's because they don't allow you to have your phone on during the flight," Shane says.

"What?" Derek asks confused.

"Luke is on a plane right now headed to Boston to see you," Shane explains.

"Oh shit," Derek mumbles. "But I'm not there."

"No really?!" Shane asks sarcastically. "I guess you both got the same bright idea of surprising each other."

"Shit," Derek sighs.

"Do you want to come in?" Shane asks.

"No thanks," Derek sighs. "It's getting late. I should get going."

"Well it's good seeing you at least," Shane says giving Derek a hug.

"Yeah, you too," Derek replies. "I just wish I could have seen my boyfriend. I'll talk to you guys later."

"Night," Shane waves as Derek heads to his car. After Derek left, Shane got on the phone and tried calling Luke's cell. Unlike Derek who kept getting his voicemail, Luke answers this time.

"I just landed," Luke says. "I'm at the airport now."

"Well get on a plane back," Shane says. "Derek is here."

"He is?!" Luke asks.

"Yeah," Shane answers. "He just left my place now. He wanted to surprise you."

"But I'm in Boston!" Luke exclaims.

"No really?!" Shane says sarcastically to him. "You and Derek are definitely made for each other," he adds, amused that they both sometimes state the most obvious things.

"I better head back then," Luke sighs. "Hopefully there's a flight soon."

"Good luck," Shane says. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Night," Luke replies before hanging up. After he gets off the plane, he goes to the ticketing booth and finds a redeye flight back to San Diego.

When Derek gets back to Luke's place, he looks around the empty house and decides to head back to Boston. If he can't surprise him in San Diego, he'll surprise him in Boston.

Late that night, Benji and Donovan get a soft knock on their front door. Benji slowly gets up from his bed and answers the door to find Ford standing in front of him. His shoulders are slouched, his face is pale, he looks tired and drained.

"Sweetie, what are you doing here so late?" Benji asks concerned.

"Can I stay the night?" Ford asks quietly.

"Of course," Benji says taking Ford's hand, "Come in honey. What's going on?"

"My friend at the hospice...died," Ford slowly says.

"Oh honey," Benji sighs sadly for his friend, "I'm so sorry." He leans in and hugs Ford tightly, allowing Ford to break down and cry.

At five in the morning, Luke arrives back in San Diego and quickly goes to his place to see Derek, however, when he walks in to his house Derek isn't there. As he walks into his empty bedroom, his cell phone starts ringing.

"Hello?" Luke answers.

"Where are you?" Derek asks.

"Where are you?" Luke retorts, equally confused.

"I just walked into my apartment. Shane told me you were in Boston," Derek says.

"No!" Luke exclaims. "He told me you were in San Diego so I got a flight and came back."

"You're kidding, right?" Derek can't help but laugh. He takes off his jacket and sits down.

"I guess this is a good example of how the distance between us has ruined the communication between us." Luke kicks off his shoes and lies down on his bed to relax.

"Tell me about it," Derek laughs.

"I have some really good news," Luke says. "I was hoping to tell you in person, but I guess we ruined that."

"I had some news too," Derek says. "I'm moving back."

"You are?!" Luke asks happily.

"I didn't want to tell you until it was official, but I got a job at the San Diego Journal," Derek says. "I sent in some pieces to them and they liked my stuff and offered me a job."

"But what about Boston?" Luke asks. "I thought you loved your job."

"I do, and I'm going to love my job in San Diego too," Derek explains. "This way, I'll have a job I enjoy while being able to be with my boyfriend."

"You sure this is what you want?" Luke asks.

"Positive."

Luke smiles, "Then I can't wait."

"What's your news?" Derek asks. Luke proceeds to tell him about what's going on at the Bulletin and the two spend the rest of the night talking about being together once again.

A few days later, Benji, Luke and Shane are eating breakfast together.

"I'm happy for you that he's moving back," Benji says.

"Yeah," Luke nods. "I am too. It's funny that we both found solutions to be together."

"It's cute," Benji says. "Kind of romantic."

"Kind of romantic?" Shane asks surprised to hear Benji say that statement. "That's a very un-Benji thing to say."

Benji laughs it off, "I guess I've been hanging out with Ford for too long."

"Speaking of which," Luke says. "Where is he?"

"He's at a funeral service for his friend from the hospice," Benji tells them. "Poor guy. He's been really upset the past few days."

"I don't blame him," Shane says. "I can't even imagine losing someone to AIDS."

"Yeah," Benji nods. "He's been staying with Don and I. I hate that he's alone during this."

"He has you and us," Shane points out.

"But he doesn't have a man with him," Benji says. "I know this is going to be another un-Benji thing for me to say, but since I've been with Don I see how much it helps to have a significant other around to help get you through tough times."

"Yeah," Shane agrees. "But sometimes it is just as helpful to know that you have the support of good friends."

"Which reminds me," Luke brings up. "Donovan called me the other day and mentioned that you've been avoiding talking to him about a job offer he has."

"Why did he do that?" Benji asks.

"Because he needs you to talk through this decision with him," Luke replies. "It sounds like a big decision you two need to make and you've been avoiding it."

"I'm not avoiding it. I've just been preoccupied with trying to get Ford and Pacey back together," Benji explains.

"It sounds like avoiding to us," Shane says.

"It's just a big decision," Benji explains. "We'd have to move to Denver."

"But it sounds like a great opportunity for Donovan," Luke says. "When I was talking to him, he sounded really bored just being at home all the time with no work to do."

"He is," Benji nods his head sympathetically. "But my life is in San Diego, you know?"

"But you can still oversee your stores if you're living in Denver," Luke points out. "It's doable."

"We can point out logistics all day long, the bigger question is, would you be willing to move?" Shane asks. "There has to be a reason why you've been avoiding talking about it with him."

Benji stays quiet for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts and what it is he truly feels, "I don't want you guys to think that I don't love him or that I don't want him to find a good job."

"We know that," Luke lets him know.

Benji shakes his head, "I just don't know if I could leave you guys again. When I lived in New York it was great, but I missed you all. I just don't want things to change."

"I know it sounds cliché, but change is inevitable," Shane says. "There's nothing we can do about that."

"I understand that, but our friendships are very important," Benji says. "It's hard enough for us to see each other a lot when we're all in one city. We're not young guys anymore who can piss off our responsibilities and just go visit each other for a week, we're all grown men with jobs and responsibilities. Add distance to the mix and it can end friendships."

"That's sweet of you to consider us in your decision making process, but you shouldn't," Luke says. "We aren't going anywhere. We'll always be best friends. You have to do what is best for you and Donovan."

"I know this job would be great for Don and I think he really wants it, but it's hard to think about saying goodbye to something I'm so familiar and comfortable with," Benji says.

"It's those uncomfortable and unexpected things that can turn out to be the best," Luke says.

"Yeah," Shane chimes in. "Look at Jackson and me."

"Exactly!" Luke points out. "There relationship was completely unexpected and uncomfortable...for me at least. But now look how it all turned out."

"And look at how well Luke and Jackson get along with each other now," Shane adds.

"Jackson in general was completely unexpected and uncomfortable at first," Luke laughs.

"He kinda was, huh?" Shane mentions laughing as well.

"But the point is, we all get along great now," Luke says. "And in order for us to get to this place, we had to put up with the unknown territory."

"I see what you mean," Benji nods understandingly. He then finally concludes, "I'll talk to Don later. I promise."

"And who knows, maybe one day Ford and Pacey will get back together and he'll be back in Denver too," Shane quips. As soon as Shane says that, a light goes off in Benji's head.

"That's it!" Benji exclaims. "I'll see you guys later. I have to make a phone call." Benji gets up and rushes out of the restaurant.

Ford hosted the wake for Chase's service at his home. Many of the patients at the hospice came as well as doctors and nurses. Most of the people he recognized from the hospice, but there is one particular individual who is keeping to himself in the corner of the living room. He's dressed in a black suit and is probably a good-looking guy normally, but today he looks tired, almost as if he hadn't slept in days. Curious, Ford goes over to talk to him.

"Hi," Ford smiles walking p to him. "Were you a friend of Chase's?"

"Sort of," he replies. "I hadn't talked to him for a while."

"I see," Ford nods. He extends his hand and introduces himself.

"Jimmy," he replies shaking Ford's hand.

"Jimmy?" Ford's eyes grow wide. "You're Jimmy?"

Jimmy looks nervously around the room, clearly uncomfortable that he's been identified. "You know me?"

"I know of you," Ford replies. He wants to get angry at Jimmy and yell at him for how he left Chase, but he can't. Something inside of him sees that Jimmy is really distraught about what happened.

"So I'm sure you don't think too much of me," Jimmy says.

"Well, it took courage for you to come here today," Ford says kindly. "I have to give you credit for that."

"When I found out that he died I was shocked," Jimmy replies. He shakes his head sadly, "There are a million things I would have done differently."

"At least you see that now," Ford points out. "That's something."

"It's too late though," Jimmy says.

"The fact that you came to say goodbye today proves that it's not too late," Ford says sympathetically. Jimmy gives a little smile, grateful that Ford didn't tear him apart for how he left Chase.

That night, as Ford was cleaning up his home after the wake there was a quiet knock on the front door. He sets down the trash bag he was carrying around with him and answers the door.

"Hey," Pacey is standing before him, much to the surprise of Ford.

"Pacey?" Ford asks confused. "What are you doing here?"

"We came to talk," Benji pops up behind Pacey along with Donovan. "Can we come in?"

"What's going on?" Ford asks.

"Benji came up with an idea," Donovan says giving Ford a hug. Donovan and Benji walk in, leaving Pacey and Ford alone at the front door for a moment.

"You look good," Pacey smiles tenderly.

"Thanks," Ford replies. "I feel like shit though."

"Benji told me what happened with your friend," Pacey says. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," Ford replies.

"Get in here guys!" Benji calls out to them from the living room.

Ford and Pacey join them in the living room.

"Do you know what's going on?" Ford asks Pacey.

"Yeah," Pacey replies. "It's why I flew out here."

"Must be something good if it caused you to fly all the way out here," Ford notes. He turns to Benji, "What's going on?"

"So as you know, Pacey has been helping Donovan out with finding a job," Benji begins. Ford nods while Benji continues. "Well, the job would be for a CFO position in Pacey's company in Denver."

"Denver?" Ford asks. "So does that-"

"Let me finish first," Benji interrupts. "You and Pacey broke-up because you were lonely in Denver, right?"

"Yeah," Ford nods. "I couldn't make it work there."

"But correct me if I'm wrong; it wasn't because of Pacey, right?" Benji asks.

"No. It wasn't because of Pacey," Ford replies. He faces Pacey, "I love you and it's not that you weren't enough, it's that you weren't around enough. I couldn't form a life for myself there with out you. I can't be one of those people who is dependant on a significant other."

"You won't have to," Benji says. "Because Don and I will be there."

"You guys are going to move to Denver?" Ford asks.

"And you," Donovan adds. "It'll be the four of us taking Denver by storm."

"It'll be great," Benji says. "We'll be able to hang out and we'll set aside times when we can fly out here and see Luke, Shane and the others."

"Well, this plan only works if you and Pacey get back together," Donovan points out.

"What do you say?" Pacey's eyes are soft and the yearn can be seen so easily that he wants Ford back.

The three of them look at Ford, wondering what he's going to say or react to this idea. His face is unreadable for a minute as he continues to process everything and the idea and leaving San Diego once again. He then remembers Chase's words to him before he died, `Live as much as you can. Go with your instincts and live life with no regrets.' He finally nods his head and looks at Pacey. No words have to be exchanged between the two of them. He takes two steps towards Pacey cups his face in his hands as he tenderly kisses him. It's a kiss the two of them have been missing for so long.

"Fabulous," Benji says quietly as he leans his head on Donovan's shoulder.

"It looks like we're moving to Denver," Ford says.

"This calls for champagne," Benji enthuses. "You have some in your refrigerator, right?"

"I think so," Ford nods.

Benji, Donovan and Pacey head to the kitchen. Ford stays behind. Pacey turns around to Ford, "You coming?"

"I'll be right there," Ford smiles.

"I love you," Pacey says quietly.

"I love you too," Ford replies. After he's left alone in the living room he takes a moment to himself and gives a bittersweet smile. "Thanks Chase." He'll never forget Chase and the true impact he had on his life. He'll never again take things for granted, he's going to cherish every moment.

Two weeks later; Luke, Derek, Shane, Jackson, and Benji are at Ford's place helping him pack.

"I can't believe both of you are moving," Luke says.

"I can't believe we got suckered into helping both of you pack up your things," Shane adds.

"Stop bitching," Luke says. "I had to fly to Boston last week to help Derek pack his stuff up and then move back here and help him unpack his stuff and then go to Benji's to help him pack his stuff up and now I'm here helping Ford pack his stuff up. If anyone is going to complain, it's going to be me."

"We appreciate you guys helping us pack," Ford says.

"We didn't really have a choice," Shane says. "You guys are leaving so quickly, this is the only way for us to spend some time with you before you leave."

"Well Don had to get over there to start working so we didn't have much of a choice," Benji says.

"By the way, I made reservations for us at Osetra for your `going away' dinner," Luke says.

"Why didn't I get a `welcome home' dinner?" Derek asks Luke jokingly.

"Because I gave you `welcome home' dessert," Luke says with a suggestive wink.

"Ew," Ford winces.

"I need more bubble wrap," Shane says. "Does someone-" Before he can continue, his cell phone rings with `Brenda's' name flashing on the Caller-ID, "Hey Brenda, what's up?"

"Get your asses to the hospital. It's time!" Brenda exclaims.

"It's time?" Shane gets excited.

"Yes," Brenda replies. "My water broke. I'm on my way to the hospital now."

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Shane asks.

"I'm fine," Brenda replies. "I'm in a cab and I'm halfway to the hospital now so hurry."

"We're on our way," Shane says before hanging up. He grabs Jackson's hand, "Let's go. It's time to meet our baby!"

"Oh my God!" Jackson exclaims excitedly. "I'm going to be a dad!"

"Sorry to leave," Shane says as him and Jackson head for the door. "I wish we could stay and pack."

"There better be a baby the next time we see you guys!" Benji calls out. "Because if we find out that you guys faked that call to get out of helping us pack then you both are dead!"

Shane and Jackson both rush out. Luke and Derek look at one another. Luke says, "I wish we had a surrogate who was having a baby now."

"But you don't," Benji smiles. "So keep packing."

"Yippee!" Derek jokes sarcastically.

Five hours later, Shane and Jackson were the proud parents of a baby girl named Bree.

The next morning, Luke, Derek, Benji and Ford arrived at the hospital with gifts and to see Bree for the first time. Jackson and Shane are both there still wearing the same clothes they wore the day before. They haven't slept at all, yet neither one of them is particularly tired.

Shane and Derek walk the guys to the baby area of the hospital where all the newborns are kept and monitored by a nurse. They point to a small and beautiful baby girl in the front near the window.

"There she is," Shane says.

"She's perfect," Ford sighs.

"Thank God she doesn't have Jackson's big ears," Luke jokes.

"Jerk," Jackson punches Luke in the shoulder.

"She's gorgeous," Derek says. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Shane smiles. "She's a keeper." Him and Jackson both look at Bree as if she were the only baby in the world.

"Has Wyatt seen his new sister yet?" Luke asks.

"His grandma is bringing him this afternoon," Shane replies.

"I'm so glad that Ford and I were here for this," Benji sighs. They all realize that this may be one of the last moments that they all get to share like this. Knowing this, they all take the time to appreciate how truly special and memorable this time is for them.

A few days later, the time came for Benji and Ford's `going away' party. Shane is the first one to arrive and sits at the table by himself. After a couple minutes, Luke arrives.

"Where's Jackson?" Luke asks giving Shane a hug.

"He's at home with Bree," Shane replies. "Where's Derek?"

"He got caught up at work so he won't make it," Luke says.

"Hey guys," Benji and Ford arrive together.

"I think it's just the four of us tonight," Shane says. "Our men couldn't make it."

"This is kind of nice," Ford says sitting down at the table. "Don't get me wrong, I love Jackson and Derek, but it feels right for it to be just us four tonight."

"It does," Luke agrees.

After the guys eat their dinner and enjoy dessert, they relax a bit in their seats to digest their food.

"So, we're once again exchanging goodbyes with one another," Luke says.

"It seems like we do a lot of that," Benji points out.

"I blame you and Ford," Shane says to Benji. "It's always you two who are leaving."

"And coming back," Luke adds.

"And now leaving again," Shane throws in.

"It's different this time though," Ford says. "It feels more..."

"Final," Luke completes his sentence. "I don't think you guys are going to be moving back anytime soon."

"Me neither," Benji nods.

"But we'll still see each other," Ford promises. "We're family after all."

"Always," Benji agrees.

"Okay, I have an idea," Ford says. "Each one of us has to say something about these past years of us being together."

"I'll go first," Benji says. "You three are the closest things I've ever had to brothers. We've had disagreements and have done things we may not be proud of, but in the end I think it enabled us to all be here now together. I think you all are fabulous!"

Shane went next, "Well, to look at what I've been through with you guys is significant. You've seen me start in one career and start over again in another, you've seen me be unsuccessful in making a relationship last longer than three months to now being with someone who I now have a child with. All the big events in my life have been with you three by my side and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Shane looks over at Ford who decides to go next, "I think we can all agree that I had an interesting evolution as a person. I was this over-the-top, idealistic romantic that felt had to have a man in order to be happy. I really needed the punches that I received in order for me to realize what it means to truly be happy and that things aren't going to be as black and white as I wanted them. I never would have gotten to this place without you guys calling me on my shit."

"Ford just said a bad word," Shane jokes. "Further proof that you've changed." The guys have a little laugh before they turn to Luke.

Luke takes a bit of time to find the right words he wants to say and to reflect on what he's been through with these guys. "This is going to sound cheesy, but I just want to say how grateful I am for everyone at this table," Luke says. "When I first moved to San Diego I was in a really bad place. I didn't think I'd ever escape the dark, but you guys brought me out from under and I'll never forget that and I will always love you for that. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends. I love you guys."

Afterwards, the four of them walk outside of the restaurant and look at one another.

"Is this where we have to say our goodbyes?" Ford asks.

"It's still early," Benji points out. "Shane, do you have to rush home?"

"No, I can stay out a little bit more," Shane says.

"Should we grab a drink?" Luke suggests.

"A drink sounds fabulous," Benji says. "I'm dying for a cosmopolitan!"

"Of course you are," Shane laughs patting Benji on the back. "I'm going to miss my little flamer."

The guys all laugh as they walk off together.

They don't know what the future will bring for them, but for tonight they have each other and it doesn't get any better than that...

The End

With any comments, questions or feedback, please e-mail me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com. Thank you all so much for reading this story! Below I have a sneak peak at the new story I'm working on called `Goodbye Love.' Hope you like it!

When I get to the restaurant, I only have to quickly glance the corner of the room to find Jonathan. He's always easy to spot with his tall, lanky body and his black curly hair always messy. He beams a bright smile at me when he sees me heading towards him. I love Jonathan. He's my support system. I would be nothing without him. People often find it odd that him and I are best friends considering he's straight and I'm gay, but it's never been an issue for us. Our sexuality isn't what defines us, we find it weird that people find our relationship weird. In college, he got hassled a couple times by his fraternity brothers about being friends with a gay guy, but he would always tell them to fuck off. He always would point out to them that if they were secure with their sexuality then they wouldn't have any problems being friends with gay guys.

I greet him with a hug. "Hey bro," Jonathan says in his signature Southern California laid back voice.

"Hope you weren't waiting long," I say as sit down at the table with him.

Jonathan shakes his head, "I just got here a couple minutes before you."

"So are you all packed up?" I ask, regarding the trip to Europe he's taking.

Jonathan nods his head. "Yeah, I'm all set."

"How long are you going to be there?"

"Twenty days," Jonathan answers. "So I'll hopefully see all the parts of Europe I want."

"That sounds amazing." I take a deep breath and briefly think about how great it would be to take a trip to Europe.

"Eddie, it's not too late. You can buy a plane ticket and come with us," Jonathan points out. I shake my head, wishing that I could. "It was always something you and I were going to do together, remember? We said in high school that we'd go backpacking through Europe before we turned thirty."

"I know," I nod. "But I can't."

"Because of River?" Jonathan asks annoyed. "Eddie, he's a big boy. He can take care of himself for twenty days."

"He fell off the wagon last week," I reveal embarrassingly.

"Again?" Jonathan asks shaking his head. Jonathan has never been a big fan of River's. I can't say I blame him. River hasn't done much for Jonathan to think very highly of him.

"He's just going through a rough time right now," I try to excuse his behavior. "His job is really stressful now and added to the economy, it's just a hard time for him." I then quickly go back to talking about Europe. "Besides, you'll have a better time in Europe without me tagging along. You'll probably get a lot of girls throwing themselves at you."

"But this is something we were supposed to do together," Jonathan points out again. This time it hits a nerve with me. It is something we were supposed to do. We always promised ourselves that we would do as much traveling as we can while we're young.

"I know, but-" I begin, but suddenly I begin to tear up. I quickly rub the palm of my hands against my eyes to stop the tears from streaming down my face. I suddenly got filled up with anger, sadness and regret about so many things. "How did this happen?"

"How did what happen?" Jonathan asks concerned. He hands me a napkin so I can dry my eyes.

"How did things turn out this way?" I ask drying my eyes. "How did I turn out this way? This wasn't how things were supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be enjoying my life right now. I'm supposed to be going to Europe with you."

"You know why you're so unhappy?" Jonathan asks. "Because you're in a bad relationship."

"It's not a bad relationship," I say trying to defend Brandon. "He's a good guy. He has a good heart."

"Eddie, it's an abusive relationship," Jonathan says shaking his head.

I quickly deny it, "It's not an abusive relationship. He's never hit me. He's never verbally abused me. He just has problems with alcohol and I have to take care of him."

"He has you trapped," Jonathan interjects. "Whether he did it intentionally or not, he has you trapped. You are stuck in a relationship where you have to constantly take care of him. He may not be hitting you, but it IS an abusive relationship."

"He's a good guy when he's sober," I state. I cringe having to say `when he's sober' because I know that I shouldn't have to say that if it were a healthy relationship. But I can't bring myself to say I'm in a bad relationship out loud.

"I'll admit, when he's sober he's fine. He's nice even," Jonathan says. "But he has problems and you can't fix them."

"I can't just leave him," I say. "It's River, you know? He's the guy who helped me pass my political science class in college. He's the guy who took me to Ruth's Chris on our first date because he remembered I mentioned how much I like that restaurant when we first met. He's the guy who waited three hours to get concert tickets for the Goo Goo Dolls because he knows they're my favorite band."

"He's the guy who is destroying himself and you because of his problems with drinking," Jonathan says.

"I can't leave him," I sigh. "He needs me."

Hope this all got you interested in this new story!