Hi readers! Thanks for joining me in a story exploring the complexity of gay relationships. Before getting to the action, I just wanna say one thing:
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© 2014 ChicosTodos. All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the Author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
If you are a minor, or if it is illegal for you to read material containing sexual activity between male adults, please refrain from reading any further.
NOTE: this story is a sequel to "Roberto the Mechanic Stud", which can also be found on Nifty under Gay / Adult Friends and Gay / Interracial.
Simon knocked twice on the hotel room door. He waited.
The door swung opened and he was greeted by Jae's grin. The smile he'd fallen in love with.
"Simon!"
"Happy birthday," the musician said, as Jae pulled him into a bear hug. It was another thing he'd fallen in love with.
Simon arrived at Jae's hotel birthday bash an hour later than he expected, because he changed his outfit six times. Eschewing his typical polo and khaki ensemble, the black singer finally put on a graphic tee and distressed jeans; they looked casual but cost $100 each. Finishing his look off with a gold-plated necklace, Simon also packed some accessories and a different t-shirt in his messenger bag, just in case he changed his mind during the party.
"Here, I hope you like this," Simon offered as they released themselves from the hug. He presented a gift-wrapped, palm-sized box to Jae.
Delightful surprise lit up the jock's face. "What is it??" He asked, tearing off the wrapping.
Behind the birthday boy, several of Jae's friends looked on in the open doorway.
"I think it'll come in handy tonight," Simon replied cryptically.
Suddenly, a bright voice piped up through the doorway crowd. "What's everyone looking at?"
It was Nicole. Her eyes met Simon's and she rushed forward. "SIMON!!"
Chuckling at her tipsy state, Simon said hi and hugged her.
"Gawd, Jae! Will ya let Simon into the party first??" Nicole asked melodramatically.
Jae looked up at Simon as he bunched up the torn wrapping paper. He had a beautifully printed box in his hand.
"Are these cards?"
"Yeah. The print is by this Russian painter." Simon smiled. "I figured you'd want to play King's Cup tonight, so..."
The athletic Asian hugged him again, this time sneaking in a quick peck on Simon's neck.
"Thanks, man. Come in!" he urged. "It's gonna be a boss night!!"
The birthday hotel party was already well under way. It was in a massive executive suite, several times the size of Simon's own bachelor pad. There was a TV room, a dining room, a full kitchen, two bedrooms each with a bathroom, an additional powder room, and a balcony that looked out onto the lake. Twentysomethings filled the suite, busy with drinking, chatting, laughing, and checking each other out. EDM music blared from the expensive home theatre system.
The black musician followed Jae, Nicole, and a couple of talking girls into the kitchen. Half-full vodka bottles and multicoloured shot glasses littered every surface.
"Drink this," Jae said to Simon as he put down his messenger bag on the floor. The Korean jock had two full shooters in his hand.
"What is it?" Simon asked as Jae offered another one to Nicole. The actress and drama teacher declined.
"Birthday sweets," the Korean answered with arched eyebrows. He poured one for himself, then one for each of the girls.
Nicole's eyes focused on the TV room. "Come find me. We gotta catch up!" she said to Simon as she walked away.
Simon nodded and saw that Jae was ready for his birthday toast. He clinked his shot glass with Jae's and his girlfriends'.
"Happy birthday!"
They downed the liquor together. It immediately warmed Simon's insides as it went down.
"Simon, this is Tiffany and Britney," the young jock introduced, smiling at the cheerful girls by his side.
"Hi! How do you know Jae?" Tiffany asked.
"Through Nicole and the other roommates, Julio and Arthur. How about you?"
"We met him last week at this guy's house party, after the rugby game," Tiffany replied. "What was the guy's name?" she asked Britney, who shrugged and poured herself another drink.
"Jae's so awesome," Tiffany continued, glancing at the Korean. He was talking with a really hot white blond guy, who was a bit taller, with a similarly athletic build. The fitted polo shirt he had on showed off his arms and chest.
"Omigod, remember when his team lost strip poker and they had to strip dance?" Britney blurted.
Simon was all ears.
"Oh, how can you ever forget that??" Tiffany shot back. "They were better than Magic Mike!!"
Both girls guffawed. Simon wished he was there for that, but then again, he'd already seen Jae in all his glory. And touched, and sucked, and fucked.
They'd been hooking up for over two months now, usually once a week, sometimes two. They were also getting closer as friends, catching open mic nights, playing video games, and talking into the wee hours whenever they saw each other, usually after they'd fucked each other's brains out.
Simon knew he was getting in really deep, maybe too deep. But he couldn't stop himself whenever Jae texted or called. They had so much fun together that Simon began to convince himself that the young jock must feel something, too.
"Simon, can I ask you a question?" Britney asked.
"Sure."
"You're gay, right?"
Simon cleared his throat. "Yes," he answered.
"Do you think Jae's hot?" the girl asked unabashedly.
Simon chuckled, surprised yet again by Britney's forthrightness. Before he replied, though, Jae's blond hottie friend bellowed an announcement.
"Everybody to the TV room for King's Cup!"
Jae flashed a wily smile at Simon, waving the playing cards in his hand.
For the most part, Simon was done with getting wasted and making a fool of himself, but if Jae wanted to play a drinking game on his birthday, he wasn't about to be a bad sport and turn it down.
With a crowd of thirty-odd people in the TV room, another deck of cards was added so that everyone had at least two turns. By the start of the second go-around, however, the party was well-oiled by the liquor. During each mini-game, people started miscounting and blanking on rhymes in messy laughter.
Inevitably, spillage occurred. When an errant elbow knocked over a beer bottle on the table, Jae immediately swept the playing cards away from the overflowing alcohol.
"Yo, Jermaine, watch your drink!" he exclaimed. "I just got these cards!!"
"Geez, chill, man..." he responded, picking up the bottle.
Jae looked at him and lifted up a card. "18th century Russian art. Please appreciate."
It was one of the few events that Simon vividly recalled from the long game; he got tipsy soon after the start and answered too slow or just plain incorrectly, which only meant more drinks for him. The other highlight came when Nicole pulled a queen from the deck, which signalled the game `Never Have I Ever'.
Everyone put up three fingers. Nicole looked around the group and thought about her proclamation. Then, she said,
"Never have I ever had sex with someone of the same gender."
Anyone who had done that lowered a finger. As Simon lowered a digit, he watched Jae. The athletic Asian stayed still, looked around naturally, and dropped a finger as inconspicuously as possible.
And then Simon saw the that blond hottie, Tyler, dropped a finger as well, inciting an uproar of gasps and questions to both of them.
The game went on and Julio, a rich, intelligent, and sarcastic poly sci masters student and one of Jae's roommates, eventually become the unfortunate recipient of the King's Cup. At that point, the party was beyond ready to head to the club a few blocks away.
In his drunken stupor, Simon walked arm-in-arm with Nicole during the short but freezing jaunt. They were chatting, but they were so incoherent that they might as well have been speaking two different languages to each other. Every once in a while, the black musician looked for Jae in the giddy travelling pack. The birthday boy had his arm around a different friend every time, emphatically blurting out something, laughing, or raising his fist in song.
As the party crew neared their late-night hotspot, they toned down their bravado and composed themselves for the ID and security check. Simon saw that they bypassed the winding queue leading to the club's entrance. Walking in after the bouncer frisked him, he followed Nicole to coat check, then up a few flights of dimly-lit stairs, until he emerged at the balcony level looking down on the crowded dance floor.
He gathered from the sectioned-off area, posh-looking booths and ice buckets filled with vodka bottles that they were in the VIP. As the rest of the party excitedly filled the room, Simon couldn't help but wonder how much money tonight had cost, from the executive suite to bottle service. He figured Jae must have blown his entire paycheque on this one night.
"You like it?"
The black singer turned around. It was Jae, already sipping from a glass.
"Yeah..." Simon nodded. "Impressed. I'm impressed," he followed. Leaning over the railing, Simon felt his body bob and sway a bit.
"Good. I want everyone to have the best time tonight!"
The singer looked around the club. Rows of colourful LED lights lit up the walls, transforming into moving arrows, falling snowflakes, concentric circles, and cascading waves. The hi-contrast effect was alternately dazzling and dizzying. Meanwhile, on the bar counter, two female go-go dancers rolled and writhed their bodies to the beat, moving sensually in stiletto heels on the narrow serving ledge.
Jae wrapped his arm around the musician's shoulders. Feeling warm and loose from the liquor, Simon had to restrain himself from planting a kiss on Jae's flushed face.
Simon hoped they would have some alone time later.
"How old are you turning?" the black singer asked.
"24. I'm in my mid-twenties now!" Jae exclaimed. They both had a chuckle, well aware that Simon was seven years older.
"Let's see..." Simon pondered. "What was I doing at 24? I was...I was probably recording one of my many unreleased albums," he sighed, shaking his head with a grin.
Jae was silent for a moment. When Simon turned to look at him, the athletic Asian had a serious look.
"Y'know, I checked out your stuff on Youtube." He patted Simon's shoulder. "You're really good, man."
The musician was shocked. "What?? You looked at my old videos?"
"Yeah. Remember? We talked about them last time."
"Yeah, I remember, I just didn't expect...did you watch all of them?" The singer recalled his poor judgments in wardrobe and choreography over the years. "Wait, which one did you watch?"
"I watched all of them, man!!" Jae proclaimed. "You're legit, seriously. You can sing, you can dance...you're gonna make it one day."
At this, Simon shook his head, partly due to humility, partly due to defeat. "Nah, I had my chance. I..."
He exhaled. "Maybe the timing was off. Or maybe I just wasn't good enough."
"Don't give up," Jae said, looking at Simon straight in his eyes. He tightened his hold around the musician's shoulders.
Simon was speechless. Before he could utter a word, however, the birthday boy was mobbed by Tiffany, Britney, and two other girls. They pulled him away and dragged him towards the stairs in fits of laughter.
Simon watched them head down the stairs, presumably to the dance floor. Then he went over to one of the booths, where Nicole and her roommate Arthur were drinking.
"There goes the floozies with their prize," Nicole sneered, rolling her eyes.
"Judgey, much?" Arthur teased. He handed Simon a full glass.
"Actually, I'm basing my judgment on fact. They have a birthday surprise planned for Jae," Nicole said with a wry grin.
"Like a cake? Or song and dance?" Arthur quizzed. "Or song and dance with cake?" He was excited by the prospect of cake.
Nicole shook her head, head held high as if she alone had valuable exclusive information. Simon looked at her and waited a bit.
"What's your guess?" she asked with a smug wink.
Simon rolled his eyes. "I have no idea. What is it?"
The drama teacher and actress looked around conspiratorially, verifying that no one was within earshot. Then, she leaned in and spoke in a low tone.
"A lil' private session back at the hotel."
She waited for the guys' reactions with a side glance.
Simon didn't get it. "What do you mean?"
"Simon!" Her eyes were wide with disappointment.
"They're gettin' down, aren't they?" Arthur asked. He spotted Jae with the girls on the dance floor downstairs, and pointed them out to Nicole and Simon.
She nodded.
Simon's eyes bugged out as he stared at the females grinding up on the birthday boy, who had his beefy arms raised up in victory.
"Lucky man," Arthur quipped. His eyes squinted at the girls, looking them up and down. "Actually..." he corrected with a grimace.
Meanwhile, Simon couldn't hold back his surprise and disappointment. He downed his drink in one big gulp and blurted, "But they just met last week!!"
Nicole squealed and began laughing.
"Seriously, Nicole?!" the singer pressed on, staring hard at the howling drama teacher, anxious for an answer.
Meanwhile, Arthur watched curiously, his observational instincts as a journalist kicking in.
"SIMON! Omigod...oh dear..." she sighed in a sympathetic tone, wiping a tear from her eye. "Are you jealous? Just a little bit?" she taunted.
Her stare was pointed as the singer stammered. "WHAT?? No no no..." He frowned as hard as he could. "Why would I be jealous??"
Arthur's head tilted. "I'm missing something here." He had a pretty strong hunch about what was going on, but it was always more entertaining to wait for his subject to come clean by themselves.
It wasn't going to happen this time, though. "Arthur, girl talk," Nicole said, waving him away. The journalist mocked her haughty gesture and headed downstairs.
When they were alone in the booth, the actress began. "Honey, I think you're in trouble..."
But Simon wasn't having any of it. He stood up, waving his hands and shaking his head dismissively, and headed downstairs.
Nicole thought about calling him back. But then she shrugged and poured herself another drink.
Once on the dance floor, Simon pushed forward through the crowd until he saw the object of his affection. He was busy groping and making out with Britney.
The black singer stood still, watching and comparing the gut-wrenching spectacle to the kisses he'd been sharing with Jae lately. He looked away when it hurt too much.
Simon was compelled to go up to the Korean jock, tear Britney off him, and show him who knew how to pleasure him best. But then anger swung back to heartache again, when Simon realized he had already shown Jae everything he had, given all of his passion in every kiss, all of his desperate need in every blowjob, all of his love in every post-coital embrace...
All of his love.
He was staring at the man he had fallen in love with, the man who was now kissing someone else. A girl.
It hit him cold and hard: he was repeating the same mistake. Once again, he'd wasted his time and given his heart to someone who didn't ask for it, someone whose own heart wasn't up for grabs.
The gigantic speakers around him played the top hits of the year, eliciting wild cheers whenever the DJ mixed into the next radio smash. At that moment, when Simon thought about leaving the dance floor to drown his sorrows, or even to silently ditch the party, the DJ played Zedd's "Clarity".
Simon looked up at the elevated DJ booth and laughed hollowly. As Foxes began singing the first verse, the lyrics about an intense tug-of-war love affair filled the entire club, coming to life as a booming soundtrack to Simon's tortured emotional state.
He thought about the night of the Big Fair fireworks. He could clearly recall the exploding colours across the night sky, clearly feel the sheer euphoria of being with Jae. Now, on a jammed dance floor where drunken partygoers bumped into him and hollered off-key to the skyscraping chorus, he was also looking up at flashing colours. But the phalanx of LED lights that performed manifold sequences on the walls only confused him, spun his head around until any remaining shard of logic that he had were shattered on the liquor-stained tiles.
Simon lost his balance and fell backwards. It happened in a split-second, yet it felt like it was unfolding in slow motion. When he landed, a sharp pain stabbed the back of his head. His eyes lost focus for an instant; after blinking a few times, he saw a circle of people staring down at him.
Nicole and Arthur swooped down and lifted him up.
"Simon! Look at me!"
"Are you okay??"
"Simon!" Nicole's insistent slaps annoyed him, so he glared at her.
"I'm okay, I'm okay..."
A security guard come up and asked what was going on. Simon tried to brush it off nonchalantly, saying he just lost his balance and fell. The stern-looking lady gave him a once-over, then told him to follow her.
Simon groaned, thinking he was getting kicked out. She led him down a corridor past the washrooms, then through a `Security Only" door.
Once inside the security office, she said, "Sit down in there," pointing to a brightly lit side room.
When Simon walked in, he saw three other people in the room, each on small beds. One of them was clearly tripping, staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes. Another was passed out, looking pale. The third person, a young man, was talking to himself.
"Hey, look. Three makes company and four makes a party."
Simon felt dirty and disgusted as he sat down in a vacant chair. He looked down on the floor, avoiding eye contact.
"Yo what's your name?"
The musician closed his eyes and sighed.
Happy holidays indeed! Christmas wasn't too far away, and here he was in some kind of detox room, and he didn't even do any drugs.
"Yo, I'm looking for Kevin. Have you seen him? He's a tall black dude, with..."
The young man would not shut up, but Simon was too much inside his head to register what he was saying.
He retraced his steps. How did he end up here? He drank too much. Why did he drink too much?
Jae.
The fall was sobering him up, and he felt ready to dive into the emotional mess he floundered in, so he took a deep breath and interrogated himself.
What was the problem here? Jae was making out with Britney. Why was he upset by that? Because he didn't want Jae making out with anyone else. Because he was in love with Jae, and obviously Jae wasn't in love with him.
But it wasn't like Jae was cheating; they were fuck buddies. Simon stumbled into this ill-defined relationship with wishful thinking, hoping lust would turn into love, and casual fun would turn into monogamous commitment. It didn't happen, so Jae didn't really do anything wrong by making out with Britney.
Simon leaned back into the hard plastic chair. He thought about drawing clear boundaries with the young jock. Clearly, being fuck buddies wasn't working out for him.
Maybe we can be just friends; maybe I can manage that,' he thought. It would be hard, but it would be worth a try.'
He did want Jae to continue to be in his life, even without the sex. He was an optimistic, happy-go-lucky kind of guy who lifted Simon's spirits whenever they hung out. And he had just encouraged Simon to not give up on his musical dreams. The singer believed that Jae would remain a positive influence in his life.
...but, every time he laid eyes on the Korean hunk, he just wanted to tear his clothes off.
Simon blinked. He got up and went to the security guard outside the detox room.
"Can I go now?" he asked, tired and over it.
She gave him another scrutinizing once-over. "You can leave. Coat check is through that door," she replied, pointing to a door behind Simon.
"Thanks."
When the musician stepped out of the club, alone, it was snowing densely. He saw the nearest bus stop and started walking towards it, then stopped when he realized he didn't have his monthly pass on him.
"Shit, my bag..."
He left his messenger bag in Jae's hotel room. He'd left it there in the mass drunken hurry to head to the club a few hours ago. Simon really didn't want to see or talk to Jae right now, but he had no choice.
He sent the birthday boy a text and waited for a reply in the bus shelter. When he didn't get a text back half an hour later, he called Jae.
The Korean didn't pick up. Meanwhile, the December snow showed no signs of stopping. Simon decided it was worth a shot to go back to the hotel; maybe Jae or someone else was there.
On the way, Nicole texted him asking where he was. After explaining his return to the hotel to her, she invited him to join her at a 24-hour pita shop close by. Simon replied, "Sure," but all he wanted to do was go back home and sleep.
Minutes later, he made it back to the five-star complex and took the elevator up to the executive suite. When he got to the door, there was a "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on the doorknob.
Simon swallowed and grimaced. He knocked on the hotel room door, waited, and knocked again.
"Who is it?" someone yelled, his voice muted by the closed door.
"It's Simon. I left my bag," he shouted back. "I just need to get it."
"Just you?"
"Yeah," Simon replied.
The door opened a minute after. Standing in front of him was Jae, wearing only his colourful boxer shorts. His face was ruddy and smiling. It was a déjà vu moment from the beginning of the night, only drunker and more nude.
Simon looked away from the young Asian hunk as he hurriedly walked in. "Sorry...I just gotta get my bag."
Jae didn't say anything, just watched with a grin as the black singer thought for a moment, then went into the kitchen.
Simon found his messenger bag on the floor by the kitchen table. As he slung it over his shoulder, a voice called out to him.
"Hey, Simon."
It wasn't Jae's voice. Simon turned around.
He saw Tyler, naked, standing in the kitchen with a cocky smirk, his hands on his hips.
"Jae and I were just getting started. You wanna..." He jerked his fat cock. "You wanna join us?"
The tall blond man was as physically attractive as Simon had imagined he would be: all strapping muscle, lightly dusted with curly blond hair from his chest, his abs, his pubes, down to his toned thighs and calves.
Simon's breath was caught in his throat. Then Jae appeared behind Tyler, also naked.
"Dude, slow down," he scoffed, slapping his blond buddy's ass. "Simon doesn't like it like that."
The Korean jock walked up to Simon, who was petrified. Standing face-to-face, Jae leaned down and gave the musician a passionate kiss.
Maybe this is just a dream,' Simon thought to himself. Or...or maybe someone slipped something into my drink...'
Soon Tyler came near and sucked on Jae's neck from behind. With a moan, the Asian hunk turned back and made out with the blond.
Simon wasn't turned on by the sight of the two studs kissing and groping each other right in front of him. Rather, he was confounded. He thought back to how he got his drink in the club.
`Arthur?? But why would Arthur want to drug me??'
"We're leaving Simon out," Jae said, breaking his kiss with Tyler. He looked at the short, slender black man and gestured for him to come closer.
Simon stood rigid, unable to process what was happening.
"C'mon, Simon," Tyler beckoned. "I heard you were amazing in bed," he added, as he reached around and felt the singer's buttocks through his jeans.
The musician snapped. He shot a sharp glance at Jae. He felt betrayed.
"What's wrong?" Jae asked, taken off guard. He took Simon's hands, brought them down to his semi-hard shaft, then moved in for another kiss. That was when the musician broke free of the trance he was in.
"I gotta go," he muttered, shoving past the two hard bodies.
Jae was jolted out of his easy, inebriated state. "Wait, Simon..." he urged, grabbing the musician's arm.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Simon screamed, turning around. He gave Jae a ringing slap across the face.
The Asian jock was stunned. Simon gave him one last look, then sped out of the hotel room.
"What the..." Tyler began, looking at Jae, then the front door.
The young Korean felt his cheek. It stung.
Tyler exhaled. "Sorry, man. I don't know what..."
"It's cool, just..." Jae mumbled. "...I think I need to call it a night." He headed to the bedroom.
Shock began to turn into remorse. He soon noticed that Tyler was following him.
"Dude, seriously," Jae groaned, turning around.
"Look, I know what just happened really sucked, but..."
Jae shot him a glance, as if asking him if he was serious.
"All right, all right," Tyler conceded, disappointed. He picked up his clothes and left the room.
The tall, striking blond couldn't believe it; he was shot down twice in one night. He'd never ever met a gay guy who turned him down. `What a bust,' he thought, a night of promised debauchery flatlining into a massive fail.
When Jae heard Tyler finally leave with the click of the front door, the young Korean jock let out a breath of relief. He stripped off his boxer shorts and got ready to climb into bed, but then thought about the wicked hangover awaiting him the next day. So he went to the kitchen to get some water.
As he took big gulps from a plastic cup, he felt like a douche. If that slap didn't fully articulate how angry Simon was, the final withering stare left no doubt as to how badly Jae had fucked things up.
He hadn't planned on it. He was already busy trading sloppy blowjobs with Tyler when Simon knocked on the door. The blond froze, fearing that he would be discovered. When they realized it was Simon at the door, however, Tyler's fear quickly turned to curiosity. Jae had told his buddy from school how great Simon was at giving head and talking dirty, so in the spur of the moment, the blond suggested an impromptu threesome to Jae. Jae then genuinely thought that Simon would've liked to have some fun with Tyler.
The Korean had met the blond last year in one of his classes, and they mostly talked about readings, sports, and girls at first. Then, at a kegger, Tyler drunkenly revealed that he was `mostly straight': he'd had sex with gay guys, meeting them discreetly through mobile apps. In turn, Jae told him of an alcohol-fuelled gay hookup he had back out West, where he was from. It was just one time, oral only, and afterwards he'd never done anything gay again, until he met Simon.
Jae and Tyler found each other attractive, but they never had sex together prior to the birthday party. Tyler was mainly interested in hooking up with gay guys, while Jae had been fine with being celibate in the new city, after leaving behind a messy breakup with a girl back out West. Then, he met and got to know Simon, and when the singer wrapped his talented tongue and lips around his cock, his libido was reignited.
As a birthday present for Jae, Tyler had suggested a long-overdue sex session. After having sock-rocking gay intercourse with Simon for weeks, the young Asian realized he enjoyed doing it with a guy as much as with a girl. So he took Tyler's offer, excited to explore an attractive new body.
The Korean honestly thought that Simon would be excited to have sex with a guy as hot as Tyler. He didn't expect the anger and the look of betrayal from the musician.
Although the liquor in his system made him increasingly drowsy as he crawled naked into bed, he pulled out his phone and gave Simon a call before he passed out. Feeling guiltier by the second, Jae wasn't quite sure what he was going to say, apart from apologizing.
The musician didn't pick up. Four rings ended in Simon's voicemail message. Jae closed his eyes and started speaking.
"Simon, it's Jae. So, listen, I'm really sorry about what happened. I thought...as stupid as it sounds, I thought it was a good idea. `cos Tyler's an attractive guy and..."
`Stop rambling,' Jae thought.
"...I guess I thought you would like to have some fun with him. Anyway, Simon, can you please give me a call back? I really want to talk this out with you. I'm really sorry."
Simon was in a cab when he got the voicemail notification. He was full-out bawling. He didn't care that the taxi driver was staring at him through the rearview mirror, probably judging his sad state.
For some reason, the singer couldn't get past the fact that Jae was having sex with another guy. He sincerely thought it would've been better if he saw Britney in bed with him instead of Tyler. Why was that?
Because Simon had thought that he was the only guy who Jae had sex with. He'd thought he was the only guy who Jae wanted to have sex with. The only guy who Jae was attracted to.
He'd thought that they shared something special.
"Just three more reps."
Danny's arms were on fire. He wanted to stop and drop the weights in his hands.
"Two..." Roberto counted.
"Argh!"
"One more, c'mon!"
Danny rowed the last rep and dropped the barbells on the padded floor of the weight room. His arms were shot, but he was relieved that he would no longer feel judged on his form and number of reps. He was sure everyone else in the room thought that he was a wimp.
"Good job. Jump rope to finish?" Roberto suggested, grabbing two ropes.
"Sure..." Danny muttered, hiding his frown.
While his mechanic boyfriend could skip up to five minutes straight, no problem, Danny maxed out panting at one minute. The rest of the four minutes were used to catch his breath and feel sorry for himself.
He looked around at the other people working out in the weight room. He saw the same thing in the machine room, the yoga room, by the row of elipiticals, and in the changeroom: better looking, fitter people who knew what they were doing.
Since he started going to the gym with Roberto two months ago, Danny began to constantly wonder how Roberto was attracted to him. His man knew lots of people in the fitness centre, many of whom were clearly attracted to him. These guys and girls almost all had less body fat and more muscle than Danny. In his mind, he just didn't compare.
The copywriter looked at himself in the locker room mirror and sighed. Though Roberto had just complimented earlier that he could see more definition on Danny's body, the brunet knew that his frame wouldn't pack on a lot of muscle unless he drastically changed his diet and weight training routine. He wasn't sure if he had the drive or the discipline to do that.
As he followed Roberto into the showers, he saw Greg, one of the guys who blatantly checked out his man at every chance. A young Taiwanese guy, this fawning acquaintance was of similar build to Danny two months ago; now, Danny saw the bigger arms, shoulders and chest that Greg gratuitously flaunted as he said hi to Roberto. Danny bitterly wondered why he hadn't seen similar gains himself.
Last week, when he hung out with Richie and Simon, his best friend shook his head as Danny laid out the misery he felt every time he went to the gym with Roberto.
"Then stop going to the gym. You said Roberto had lots of gear at home, so work out at home," Richie said.
"Yeah, but I feel like we should spend as much of our free time together as possible. And it's a big part of his life, so I wanna be part of it."
"Then ask Roberto to work out at home with you."
Danny shook his head. "No no, that wouldn't work. He only has one of each equipment. Plus, I think he really likes going to the gym. I don't wanna be the one to stop him."
"Just talk to him. Tell him what you're telling us now," Simon suggested.
The copywriter sighed and pushed away the cheesecake he took one bite of. "No, it's okay. I just gotta get over it."
Back in the gym, Danny looked at Roberto getting dressed in the changeroom. He got the man of his dreams...but did he deserve him?
"Ready?" the mechanic asked him.
"Um hmm," he nodded, grabbing his gym bag.
The mechanic gave him a quick peck on the lips.
It was around eight in the morning when they left the fitness centre; Roberto was going to drop Danny off at his office, then go to the garage. It was a Friday, so traffic was lighter than during the rest of the week.
"Oh, baby, did I tell you I'm staying late at the shop tonight?" Roberto asked.
"Oh yeah? How late?" The mechanic thought for a moment. "Well, I got a business meeting with Fred, so it's hard to say."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, of course. We're looking at expanding...we've been talking about it."
"Okay," Danny replied. "I'll get something from the supermarket for dinner."
They turned into the office parking lot. "Sure. Don't wait up for me though."
Danny looked at Roberto. "You're gonna be that late?"
His boyfriend sighed. "I dunno...there's a lot to go over. I'll try."
"Okay."
They stopped in front of the office entrance. Roberto leaned in for a kiss.
"Love you, baby," he whispered.
Danny swallowed, smiled weakly, and got out of the red Lancer.
He waved goodbye to Roberto as the sports sedan rounded the corner and sped off. Then he waited a few minutes more by the front door.
When he was sure that his boyfriend had driven far enough away, he started walking away from the building, and towards the bus stop one block away.
Roberto didn't know that Danny had called in sick this morning in the bathroom. Roberto also didn't know that Danny planned on spending most of the day wandering around the luxury shopping mall uptown, until it was dinnertime.
It wasn't the first time Danny felt the need to disappear on his own without warning. Once a week, Danny would go to the mall, the hipster strip, or a coffee shop after work. He would wander around and sit for an hour, then come home late, unannounced. Roberto would ask him what happened, and he would lie about working late. Today was the first time he actually called in sick to spend some time by himself. The stress was worsening.
Wasn't he supposed to be happy? He had every right to be. He had a good job, and a drop-dead gorgeous stud of a boyfriend who loved him. Sure, his relationship with his mother was on the rocks, but nobody had it all. Besides, his turmoil didn't have anything to do with his mom this time.
`So what am I doing?' he asked himself on the bus.
He began running off impulsively after work when he'd started going to the gym with Roberto. He hated it; he hated how weak and ugly the gym made him feel. But he pushed himself to go because he wanted to be in every facet of Roberto's life. It was how he envisioned the perfect relationship to be, yet in reality, it was making him miserable. Worse, he began to feel guilty about feeling miserable. He kept telling himself to be a man' and to get over it', but that didn't help.
He'd also been walking on eggshells since Roberto blew up at him for moving his stuff. Danny was never one for confrontation, and that episode with the magazines and the workout gear scarred him; he never wanted Roberto to raise his voice at him ever again. He didn't want any fighting between Roberto and him to ever occur, and if it meant censoring himself and presenting only the side that Roberto liked, then he would do it.
He would do it, however, with the caveat of spontaneous time-outs after work whenever he needed to be fully himself. However, guilt caught up with him every time he was alone and supposedly at peace: he felt awful about repeatedly lying to Roberto.
The shopping centre was filled with Christmas shoppers rushing to complete their lists. The clothing stores Danny usually browsed in were all filled with snaking queues, so he avoided them and went to the bubble tea shop.
In the back of his mind, the ugly beast awakening underneath all of this was that Danny began to doubt whether he was good enough for Roberto. It was initiated by the gym visits, then it spread into a full-blown complex. It went beyond his belief that the mechanic was way too hot to be with someone like himself. He thought he was too immature, too emotional, too inexperienced for Roberto. He barely knew how to cook; he didn't feel like he could provide and take care of his man. He didn't feel like Roberto's equal.
If he was being utterly, brutally honest with himself, his sneaking off was a form of self-sabotage, a corrosive compulsion that was beginning to damage their relationship.
Yet there was plenty that Danny didn't know about Roberto either. He didn't know that, like him, Roberto also wasn't going to work.
Instead, after dropping off his boyfriend, he got on the highway and headed west. He was going to a racetrack two hours away, where an all-day drag racing event was taking place. He'd been invited by Nadia.
They'd been emailing since after they ran into each other at the sports bar; Nadia had been in town to recruit new racers from the street to compete at the racetrack, where she was Vice President of Racing Events. Roberto waited a week after that unplanned meeting before pulling out Nadia's business card and sending her a message. Then, it took about a month before his former mentor convinced him to come out to the track, "just to watch".
He hadn't told Danny about any of this, nor the fact that his first visit to the racetrack happened during the weekend of the Big Fair. Part of the reason for the secrecy was Danny's hysterical reaction when he first met Nadia and thought she was taking Roberto away. The mechanic and former motorcycle racer didn't want to deal with the dramatic episode and the long-winded explanation if he told Danny, at least not yet.
The other reason, the one that scared and thrilled Roberto in equal measure, was because he began itching to race again. It happened as soon as he stood right by the track with Nadia and watched the motorcycles rev up, shoot forward, and clear the quarter-mile with a snarly whine. He instantly felt the urge to zip up in the leather suit he'd stowed away in the basement and climb on a bike.
Of course, circumstances were much different now than they were during his student street racing heyday. He had a garage to run, and he'd already gotten into a fight with Fred over his secret foray back into racing.
It happened just the day before his second visit, as Fred was leaving work. "I'll see you Saturday," the office manager said, ready to walk out the door.
"Hey buddy," Roberto called out, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.
"Yeah?"
"Uhh...can I ask you a favour?"
"What?" Fred questioned. And then he knew what it would be. Roberto's eyes shifted guiltily.
"No," the office manager said.
"Fred, hear me out..."
"Did you tell Danny where you were that weekend?" Fred demanded, staring at the head technician.
Roberto exhaled and shook his head. "I will, after tomorrow. I just...I really need you to cover for me one last time. He might not even call you. But if he does..."
"I'm not gonna lie for you again!" Fred said, exasperated. "Did you know I was THIS close to telling Danny last time at the baseball game? I bit my tongue because he looked like he was about to cry."
Fred wasn't leaving anymore; he had some things to get off his chest. "What's going on between you two?"
"Nothing. Everything's fine."
"Not if you keep this up," the office manager retorted, walking up to his best friend and business partner.
"Look, I've got this under control. I'll tell him everything. But right now, Fred, please, just one last time..."
"I'm not gonna do it!" Fred exclaimed. "Rob, you're not listening to me! You need to tell Danny everything, NOW."
He put his hands on Roberto's shoulders. "Trust me; he WILL find out, and then it'll only get worse."
Roberto shook off Fred's hands. "And when are YOU gonna tell Jen about the Lamborghini fund?" he challenged.
His best friend was thrown off for a second, but he soon steered back the conversation. "This isn't about me and Jen. Rob, I'm trying to help you. If you can just listen..."
Roberto had enough. "Y'know what? Fuck it," he said, walking away from Fred. "Go home. Forget I said anything."
"Hey, I'm not finished!" Fred grabbed the mechanic's shoulder and spun him around.
"Forget it!" Roberto repeated, shrugging Fred off.
"I'm not gonna drop this because I care, Rob!"
The head technician stopped.
"I care about you, and Danny. I like him a lot." Fred took a breath. "He's the best thing that's ever happened to you."
That made Roberto turn around.
"I don't know why you feel like you have to lie to him about this..." he sighed. "I just know that, as your longest and best friend, I'm gonna be real with you."
He paused, then warned, "Don't fuck this up. Trust me, lying never ends well."
So Fred refused to cover for Roberto. That didn't stop the mechanic stud from going to the racetrack on his day off. He was disappointed that Fred didn't understand where he was coming from.
Things were changing in his relationship with Danny. For the first time, Danny began to reject Roberto's advances in bed, saying he was "too tired" or "too sore from the workout". The mechanic didn't know the real reason for the rejection, so he thought that Danny's passion for him was dwindling. This worried him immensely.
Just as worrying and disappointing were the brunet's impromptu disappearing acts. He believed Danny the first few times he said he was working late, but when Roberto asked him why he didn't pick up his phone or at least update him via text, Danny's vague answers and darting eyes told the mechanic that his boyfriend was lying. Sometimes, with the slim, smooth young man naked and asleep beside him in bed, he would lose sleep obsessing over all the possible reasons Danny had for lying, all the horrible things he must've been up to that justified the lying in Danny's head. He would feel his heart breaking, and he would ask himself again and again if it was all worth it.
With all that relationship stress weighing him down, racing came back into Roberto's life at the perfect time as much-needed escapism. It made him realize that he longed for a jolt of excitement in his increasingly stable and settled life. He loved Danny, but he was also nostalgic for his younger, single, freer days, when it was more about enjoying the moment and less about the worries that seemed to have multiplied with age. Since he had no intention of cheating on his boyfriend, he decided that racing would be his way of adding spark back into his life. Just being there, at the racetrack, around the bikes and the racers made him feel young, exciting, and invincible again.
When Roberto arrived at the racetrack later that day, he saw four-wheeled hot rods on the track. The motorcycle races were still to come; he was glad he hadn't missed them.
Friday was the first qualifying session of three, before the fastest 16 racers compete for the trophy and cash prize on Sunday. Since it wasn't the finals, the general public was largely absent from the spectator stands. Those who were present were diehard racing fans and the inner circle of the industry.
Like his first visit two months ago, Nadia told Roberto to meet her in the VIP box. When he got there this time, he saw a grey-haired man in a black suit beside Nadia.
"You got here early," Nadia greeted with a hug.
"Yeah, less traffic on Fridays."
"I bet you sped all the way here so you wouldn't miss a single bike qualifier," Roberto's racing mentor quipped.
"Hello Roberto. Do you remember me?" the man with the distinguished air asked in a European accent. He offered a polite handshake.
"Hey Olivier," Roberto replied, reciprocating the handshake. He was the Swiss banker who Nadia connected with, right before everything turned sour. "Long time no see."
"I don't think I've told you yet..." Nadia began with a slight smile. "Olivier is my husband. We've been married for six years now."
"Time flies when life is good," Olivier continued, smiling sweetly at his wife.
"Well, congratulations," Robert offered. "Better late than never, hehe..."
"Thank you,"
Olivier stepped forward and wrapped his arm around the former racer's shoulders. "Roberto, I remember you were quite the rider."
"Well, Nadia was quite the teacher," Roberto replied.
"Why did you stop racing, my friend? You had such a promising career ahead of you. You could've had the sponsorships, the secondary business ventures..."
Nadia gave Olivier a side glance, which promptly shut him up.
"He's got his own garage now," she said. "And a beautiful boyfriend."
"Well, well, now I think I understand!!" Oliver exclaimed. "What's his name?" the Swiss banker asked with a big grin.
"Danny."
"I would like to meet Danny, the man who captured this superb rider's heart, haha!" Olivier declared, patting Roberto's back. "Does he know of your accomplishments?"
The mechanic couldn't help but chuckle. "Olivier, you're too much...yes, I've told him my past. It was a long time ago. Now I've got my shop, and Nadia's got a whole racetrack to run!" he jabbed at his former mentor.
"I must tell you, my friend: this woman likes to be in charge!" The banker guffawed as Nadia rolled her eyes. "Oh, Roberto, you must stay for dinner; we have to make up for lost time, yes?"
At this, Nadia jumped in. "Darling, I just told you he has a garage and a boyfriend to look after. I'm sure he has to be back home at a decent hour..." she surmised, glancing at Roberto.
"But you must stay for the night qualifying session! Nadia told me you were a speed demon late at night on the street," Olivier said.
Roberto couldn't contain his excitement. "You guys do night qualifiers?"
"Yeah we do," Nadia replied. "You gotta see the lighting rigs we installed this year. It's like Vegas compared to what we used to do!" she said with a laugh. Roberto couldn't remember the last time Nadia laughed.
So he stayed for dinner, a decadent five-course meal that totally broke Roberto's diet; he couldn't turn down Nadia and Olivier's hospitality. Their VIP dining room had a great view of the two-lane raceway; as Roberto watched pairs of racers speed down the quarter-mile, the former rider longed to head downstairs to the crew pit, get on a bike, then give it full throttle on that strip of pavement. He could almost smell the exhaust and feel the night air whipping past.
Thanks again for reading! I hope you enjoyed this intense chapter. We're getting close to the end of this story, and I promise to finish it with a bang! Feedback is always welcomed at chicostodos@gmail.com. Also, feel free to check out the prequel to this story on Amazon; just search for "Chicos Todos Opposite Attractions Can This Be Possible?".