Mechanics of the Heart

Hi readers! Thanks for joining me in a story exploring the complexity of gay relationships. Before getting to the action, I just wanna say one thing:

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� 2014 ChicosTodos. All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the Author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

If you are a minor, or if it is illegal for you to read material containing sexual activity between male adults, please refrain from reading any further.

NOTE: this story is the sequel to "Roberto the Mechanic Stud", which can also be found on Nifty under Gay / Adult Friends and Gay / Interracial.

It was Friday, one week before Christmas.

Simon was swamped with work at the Queeries office. The back catalogue database was recently updated, and at the beginning of the week, his boss Luke asked him if he was up for working overtime to check and sign off on all entries before the holidays. Simon readily agreed.

It had also been a week since that surreal and ultimately heartbreaking incident at Jae's birthday party. The scene with the birthday boy and Tyler coming on to him, naked, replayed incessantly every night as Simon tried to fall asleep. What could've been a very arousing scenario was instead a disappointing shock. He felt misled, as if the bond he felt with Jae was fake...but at the same time, he knew he himself was also responsible for the consequences. He willfully led himself down a painful path, so he had no one else to blame when he fell down and hurt himself.

For his part, Jae was trying to make things right. He called and texted every other day, asking first for forgiveness, then any kind of communication -- face-to-face, phone, even text -- that Simon was willing to partake. But the damage was still too raw, and the musician honestly thought he would probably fall into the same trap again should he acquiesce and talk to Jae, so he never responded back. The athletic Asian was still the same sexy, positive, friendly, funny guy; Simon was sure he would develop feelings for him in a heartbeat if they started hanging out again.

He didn't want to cut Jae out of his life, but at this stage, when he couldn't trust himself to be strong and sober enough to just be friends with the young hunk, burning the bridge might be the safest, most logical thing to do.

In the office, Simon was working hard, working hard to block Jae out of his mind. He didn't even notice he'd been at work for eleven hours until he felt a chill and sneezed, then paused and looked at the clock on his computer. He knew the coworkers in his row of desks had gone home hours ago; as he stood up and stretched, he realized the office was empty.

Empty except for Luke's office, where the lights were still on. Simon saved his work, then put his computer to sleep.

"Luke, I'm gonna head home. I'll come in around eleven tomorrow," he said through the editor-in-chief's door. Though the next day was Saturday, he had to go into work since the deadline was fast approaching, and he kept running into unexpected issues that took up extra time.

Luke's door opened as he walked away.

"Can't wait to get home, huh?" his boss asked, putting on his coat.

"It's been a long day," Simon replied, nodding. "I'm sure I can get everything done on schedule though."

"I have absolute faith that you will. And, thank you for staying late, again," the husky, impeccably-groomed, and always charismatic editor-in-chief said, shutting off the lights in his office.

"No problem."

"So, are you really going home, or are you going to see your boyfriend?" Luke asked slyly.

Simon's eyes bulged. "Uhh..."

Luke waited patiently for his response.

Simon shuffled awkwardly. "I don't have a boyfriend."

"Oh," Luke remarked with a glance as they began walking out of the office. "Well, all that texting you've been doing lately must've been for someone else."

At this remark, Simon held his breath but kept walking, looking straight ahead.

"I'm so sorry, Luke, I..."

Luke chuckled. "I'm not reprimanding you. I know you're a hard worker, don't worry," he affirmed, patting Simon's shoulder. "I've just noticed you've been coming in with these slick, fitted ensembles, and I thought you finally found someone worth your time."

It was too late: Simon was full-on blushing at this point.

"I'm so embarrassed..." he muttered.

"Of what?" the editor-in-chief questioned as they headed downstairs to the street. "You're smart, dedicated, and attractive. Own it."

"Thanks," Simon responded shyly.

When they walked out onto the busy gay village sidewalk, Simon turned around and said goodbye to his boss.

"Come have a drink with me," Luke offered.

Simon looked at the debonair bear. "I shouldn't," he said.

"Why not?"

"I should go to bed."

"Are you really going to sleep, though?" the editor-in-chief asked with a glint in his piercing eyes. Simon was caught.

"...well, I think I need some time alone," he elaborated.

"You'll feel better if you talk with someone about it. And I'm a damn good listener. C'mon," Luke insisted.

Once again, the magnetic gentleman was softening up Simon with his persuasion. He stood still, uncertain how he was about to spend his night.

"Are you seriously going to turn down free drinks?" Luke asked with a tilt of his head.

"No funny business?" Simon blurted out.

"No funny business. Just free drinks and the best advice of your life."

They went to Glory Bar, which was popular for hosting alternative gay events, from leather-themed parties, bear nights, to live sex shows. Simon noticed that Luke seemed to know everybody who worked there, and assumed he came often. Of course, being one of the most visible queer faces in the city, Luke seemed to know everyone everywhere anyway.

Once they sat down with their first round of drinks, the editor-in-chief got Simon to spill on what was bothering him. The black musician started with Jae's hotel party, then gradually revealed all the layers of their relationship.

When Simon finished his story, he gulped down his drink. Luke was silent and in thought for a moment.

"Wanna hear what I think?" he then asked.

Simon nodded.

"Take back the power. Make him want you back."

The musician liked the sound of that, but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

"Show him that you know you're hot and you can do better than him. This isn't the end of the story, and you absolutely have the opportunity to come out on top."

"Okay..." Simon still didn't know what he was supposed to do.

His boss took out his phone. "Here, let's take a picture. We're gonna post it on your Facebook wall."

Luke sat down beside Simon and circled his arm around the singer's shoulders. Holding up his phone at the classic selfie angle, he took a few snaps, all of them suggesting a very close bond between him and Simon.

"Which one's your favourite?" Luke asked the musician while flipping through the shots. Simon shrugged, so his boss picked one and promptly posted it on Simon's Facebook wall, with the caption "Fabulous night with the smart and sexy Simon at Glory Bar...waiting for the show to start ;)"

"What show?" Simon asked as he logged into his account on his phone and liked the photo.

He didn't have to wait long for the answer. The stage at the back of the busy bar lit up, and a round of cheers erupted. A commanding drag queen, sporting a massive crimson updo and an electric blue spandex bodysuit, sauntered onto the stage.

"Welcome to Freaky Fridays at Glory Baaaaaar!!"

"C'mon," Luke said, motioning for Simon to follow him towards the action.

"My name is Electric Blew, and just like every Friday, I'll be your MC with the motherfuckin' most! Now..." The drag queen paused and surveyed the crowd. "I know why you're all here tonight. Which one of you perverts is excited to see Benjamin Bonn?!"

More hollering. Simon looked at Luke in surprise; Benjamin Bonn was one of the top gay pornstars of the moment.

"Benjamin Bonn is here tonight??"

"Not just here," Luke replied with a wink. "He's performing."

"Performing..."

Simon had never seen a live sex show before. It looked like his Friday night just got a lot more exciting.

Electric Blew got the crowd going with several jokes and birthday shoutouts, then lip-synced a Katy Perry number. Everyone was sufficiently amped up for the x-rated performance to start; the atmosphere was charged with anticipation.

Minutes later, the lights went down and a Britney track blasted from the loudspeakers. People started screaming and clapping their hands to the beat. At the moment when Britney starts singing, the spotlight came on and there was Benjamin Bonn, wearing a leather half-mask, shackles with broken chains, and a black loincloth. He started performing high-energy choreography amidst the cheering, while two male dancers in similar outfits flanked him.

"He can dance," Simon remarked to Luke. Benjamin's impeccable physique, all lean and ridged with muscle, was easy to admire. So was his rugged face: he looked like he walked in straight from the Eastern European countryside.

"He's trying to break into music," the editor-in-chief replied with an eye roll.

At the final dance break of the song, all three men on stage were breaking a sweat with rapid movement, sinewy limbs glistening under bright lights. With one final authoritative pose, the song and performance ended with a bang, and the three performers soaked up the ensuing applause.

As was the case with most singers Simon had met, Benjamin was shorter in real life then he seemed onscreen. He had a confident allure to him, that kind of cocky attitude he knew he could get away with because he was hot. Simon also noticed that the pornstar would adjust his posture from time to time to appear more macho and laid-back.

"All right, who do I have to fuck to get a drink?" he taunted, earning "ME!!" and chuckles from the audience. At this point, security personnel appeared and stood by the corners of the stage. Meanwhile, the two backing dancers stayed on stage, but stood noticeably behind Benjamin. Simon looked closer at one of them, the tall, rough-looking Latino, and recognized him as another pornstar, Angelo Torres. The third man was young, a fresh-faced boy who looked barely legal. His stance was stiff, while a wide grin stretched across his pretty face.

After Benjamin threw back a glass, he waved to his soon-to-be-costars. "Everyone give it up for Angelo Torres and Eddy Payne!" As the audience whooped and hollered, the lead star continued, "If you haven't seen Angelo in action, you're gonna love what you see under that little piece of cloth." He walked up to the musclebound Latino and jigged his covered junk.

"And this yummy little boy here, Eddy Payne, he's fresh and ready to be fucked! Now, I gotta tell you, ladies and..." He looked around the crowd. "Excuse me, we're clearly all fags here..."

Laughter bubbled up from the audience. "Gentlemen, bears, daddies, top, doms, anyone and everyone who appreciates a fine bubble butt such as this..."

Benjamin tapped Eddy's butt, which prompted an anxious stare from the boy. The lead star's eyes stayed locked on Eddy, and he grabbed the young man's waist, forcibly turning him around until his backside faced the audience.

"Look at that!" Benjamin exclaimed, then landed a loud smack on Eddy's meaty and surprisingly fuzzy buttocks to a raucous reaction. "This ass right here, waiting to be filled with cum..." The crowd went crazy. "This piece of cute ass has never taken a cock live on stage before," Benjamin remarked, looking at the bar crowd with an amused wink. "So, I want you to tell him what to do with that fresh boy pussy!"

And the crowd did. "Beg for Benjamin's cock!" "Scream like a pig bottom!" "Creampie!" "DAP creampie!!"

"You're all sick perverted faggots!!" Benjamin exclaimed, then whistled.

Club beats filled the bar again. Benjamin handed the mic over to a security guard, then nodded to Angelo. The two experienced pornstars sandwiched Eddy in the middle and began kissing and licking him all over, sucking on the young man's neck, biting on his nipples. The crowd hushed and watched intently.

Suddenly Benjamin grabbed Eddy's jaw and spat into the boy's open mouth. He then quickly reached down to the newbie's waist and ripped off his loincloth. The crowd roared.

Angelo reached for Eddy's limp dick and began jacking it off, while Benjamin continued making out with the fresh-faced performer. A moment later, the lead star again nodded to his Latino stage partner, who faced the audience with hands on his hips.

In a flash, Angelo whipped off his loincloth and displayed his awe-inspiring manhood. Even soft, it was already six inches, and thicker than a single handful. As everyone shouted their appreciation, Simon's eyes turned to Eddy, who was pushed onto his knees by Benjamin.

With a roguish grin, Angelo turned to the newbie kneeling beside him and licked his lips. His hands smoothed over Eddy's short, curly blond hair. The young man looked up at Angelo; the Latino pornstar winked back and patted his head.

Eddy closed his eyes and took Angelo's dick. In that instant, the newbie performer seemed to come alive; he enthusiastically took the monster cock all the way to the hilt and held himself there for what seemed like an eternity. Finally his head jerked back and he coughed, strings of gooey spit dripping from the semi-hard Brazilian shaft.

It wasn't long before Eddy attacked the oversized member again, pumping his head back and forth with youthful verve, breaking up his energetic blowjob with hungry licks all around Angelo's shaft and clean-shaven balls. All around, heads leaned in to get a better look at the action.

Simon could see why a porn studio would invest in Eddy's angelic beauty and devilish sex drive. He was so taken by the newbie's performance that he didn't even notice Benjamin had already gotten naked, until the lead star tapped on Eddy's shoulders, Without stopping his blowjob, Eddy braced his hands on Angelo's trunk-like thighs and lifted up his thick, hairy ass, pointing it back to Benjamin's long, cut prick.

The lead pornstar flexed his biceps and blew a kiss into the audience. Then he slammed his erect member all the way into Eddy's asshole.

The newcomer grunted, his face turning away from the public, his hand still jerking away on Angelo's intimidating boner. Benjamin then began the athletic sport-fucking that, along with his fitness-model looks, earned him thousands of fans around the world. Every quick thrust slapped against Eddy's ass with a clear smack. In the crowd, hands began snaking down to clothed crotches.

Angelo cupped Eddy's frowning face in his big hands and gently kissed the newbie's lips. He then whispered into Eddy's ear; the latter seemed to nod, then move back down to Angelo's groin, his bending down slowed by Benjamin's pistoning. By now, the Latino stud's cock was fully hard, easily over ten inches, and so thick that Eddy had difficulty taking much past the cockhead into his mouth.

They fucked in this spit-roasting position until the instrumental house track segued into another sequence of anonymous beats, which seemed to be the cue to change their setup. Benjamin pulled his cock out of Eddy's asshole. He snapped his fingers at someone to the side of the stage, who brought up a chair. Sitting down, the main star of the show then opened his legs up in a wide spread-eagle position, exposing his shaved rosebud to the audience. From behind, Angelo came up with his massive dong and dangled it right beside Benjamin's mouth; the gorgeous pornstar immediately seized in in his mouth and sucked away.

Meanwhile, Eddy crawled on all fours to Benjamin's ass and started tonguing the opening.

Simon turned away from the hardcore action to see if Luke was enjoying the show. He saw his boss busily texting away.

"Turning you on?" Luke asked when he looked up, nodding his chin at the stage.

"It's...professional."

At this, Luke burst out laughing.

"Oh Simon, promise me you'll never change."

The singer smiled and turned his attention back to the sex show. All of a sudden, he felt hands circle his waist.

"Y'know that picture we just took?" Luke whispered in Simon's ear. "Well, my boyfriend thinks you're very attractive."

The slim bear's hands wrapped around Simon's burgeoning erection through his trousers, gave a soft squeeze, then let go.

The night had officially entered into `funny business' territory. Still, Simon was too turned on to turn back. He was too captivated by the beautiful bodies and power dynamics onstage to even entertain leaving the venue. And also, in the back of his mind, he considered what Luke might suggest after the show was done.

The trio onstage were changing positions again. Benjamin pushed Eddy's head away from his ass and got down from the chair, then kneeled on the stage. He lifted the newcomer's body into his lap, impaling his dick into Eddy's hole effortlessly. The fresh-faced bottom then leaned back until his head was in Angelo's kneeling lap, where the Brazilian performer fed him his oversized prick.

Eddy rubbed his own forgotten dick as the threesome continued, a chain of sweaty, rippling bodies rocking in rehearsed motions. Benjamin looked to the crowd, pulled out a silly expression, and stuck out his tongue in the midst of his tireless fucking, earning yet another bout of adulation.

Although Benjamin was supposed to be the main attraction, and there was no denying his physical beauty, Simon found his eyes repeatedly being drawn back to Eddy. He was mostly expressionless at this point, and the energy he displayed at the start of the performance had dwindled to flat, detached procedure. In stark contrast to the oral and anal sex that was happening to him, Eddy struck Simon as weary and tediously bearing it; he was probably counting down to the end in his head. The black singer realized then that porn was just a job like any other, and the spectacle took on a sobering undertone.

Not long after, Eddy got his wish. The two tops dislodged their cocks from Eddy's orifices, then stood up and began furiously jacking off. Sweat beaded on both of their foreheads; the veins in their necks visibly strained from the effort to cum on cue. Loud cheering rung from the crowd again.

Below the two pornstars, on his knees, Eddy closed his eyes and his mouth.

Angelo was the first to step forward and ejaculate. His milky cum oozed out and dripped onto Eddy's chin, while the Latino rubbed the oversized cock back and forth over the newbie's shut lips. The clapping audience broke out in deafening whistles and hollers.

Soon, Angelo tried to push his sticky dick against Eddy's lips and part them; the kneeling blond turned his face away and circled his hand around the shaft, stroking his costar off.

On the other side, Benjamin was ready. He grabbed Eddy's jaw, turned the kneeling bottom's face towards his groin, and forced the newcomer's mouth open. Then, with a wild jerk back of his head, the main star unloaded streams of slimy semen onto Eddy's tongue. The audience lost their minds and flooded the bar with roaring noise.

When Benjamin's cumshots slowed down, he shoved his prick all the way into the young man's mouth and held the back of his head in place. Seconds later, Eddy broke free of Benjamin's restraint and spat out his cock with a frown, along with a big mouthful of cum. The main star then lifted Eddy's body up and gave his ass one more slap.

As the pornstar trio formed a line onstage and lifted up their arms in unison, the applause from the audience intensified. Shouts of "Encore!" and "Fuck me, Benjamin!" broke out. All three stars bowed, then walked offstage towards a guarded back room.

"Benjamin Bonn, everybody!" Electric Blew exclaimed over the PA. "Holy FUCK, that was hot!! Even better than his last porno with the wild men fucking on vines in the forest! Whew!! And Angelo Torres...who needs a fist when you have a dick like that!!"

A man with a mop and bucket went onstage and began cleaning. "Did y'all see the poor thing, what's-his-name, he had tears in his eyes `cos he couldn't handle all that cock! If I were him, I'd rather choke to death than take those cocks outta my mouth. They'd have to pry them out of my dead corpse lips!!" the drag queen squealed. "Is the stage cum-free yet?"

"I'm gonna go to the washroom," Simon said to Luke, who nodded and continued texting.

As usual, the musician went to a stall to go pee. Not long after he started, the door opened and he heard a nonstop chatty voice come in.

"Fuckin' amateur...I'm so over it. We were supposed to do two more positions, but that kid was like a dead fish so I just went to the cumshot and called it a night. Ugh, there's NOTHING more aggravating than these lost little boys who ride on their looks and have no talent."

Simon recognized the voice as Benjamin Bonn's, but instead of the low, masculine tone he projected onstage, it appeared his natural speaking voice was much closer to the melodramatic lilt of a drag queen's delivery, not unlike Electric Blew's.

"I swear, if that man taking the foulest shit in the world comes out and tries to take a picture with me, I will puke all over his sorry ass."

Simon was stunned.

Liquid splashed onto the urinal drain. "...Eddy, his name is Eddy. You met him last month at the tour launch...whatever, he looks just like the rest..."

There was a flush. "No, no, Betty, you know what the saddest thing is?"

The black singer stood in front of the toilet with his dick hanging out, listening intently. This was the real show, right here.

"Y'know what he told me the first time we filmed a scene together? He told me he got into porn so he could meet me!"

A high piercing laugh followed. "HAHAHA...god, it's so PATHETIC!" he sneered, turning on the tap. "Oh...oh yeah, oh, trust me honey, if I didn't have to see him every day on this goddamn tour, I'd feel sorry for him too..."

He pumped the lever on the paper towel dispenser. "Like, how fuckin' clueless are you? Did you think I was your Prince Charming, taking you to happily ever after?"

Simon closed his eyes.

Benjamin's tone turned serious as he began walking out of the washroom. "No, Betty, this isn't a fucking joke. This is thousands of dollars on the line he's fucking with...he...listen, he...he needs to know what he's gotten himself into. I swear, if he burns out or gets fucked up because he can't handle..." The door swung close with a squeak.

After waiting a bit longer, Simon zipped up and exited the stall. He looked in the mirror and stood still for a moment, before washing his hands.

When he went back to find Luke, Simon saw the editor-in-chief chatting with Electric Blew. Luke introduced Simon to the drag queen, then walked the musician over to the bar.

"Another drink?" Luke asked.

Simon shook his head. "I'm good, thanks."

"Yeah, let's get outta here."

The street was just as busy as before when they descended the stairs from Glory Bar. Though it was below freezing, the temperature didn't seem to stop everyone from getting their party on.

"So Imran would really like to meet you," Luke said.

"Imran?"

"Yeah, my boyfriend."

"Oh," Simon remarked. "Yeah, he's in town, just got back from Ibiza. He does lighting for festivals around the world so he's constantly flying everywhere." Luke paused and glanced at Simon. "He's worked with all the big DJs: Tiësto, Aoki, Avicii. You'd like him," the slim bear promised with a wink.

"Hmm," the musician responded with raised eyebrows.

"C'mon," the slim bear encouraged with a wave of his hand.

"Luke," Simon said. "Thanks for the invite, but I'm gonna go home."

"Oh?" Luke tilted his head. "Are you really going home this time?"

The singer chuckled. "Goodnight, Luke. I'll see you tomorrow..." He started walking away. "Around eleven..."

Simon was smiling. He felt a new sense of clarity. It was a good idea after all to have gone out drinking with Luke, not because of the sex show, not because of the possibility of hooking up with Luke and his sure-to-be-sexy boyfriend.

No, it was Eddy, and Benjamin's true nature that he needed. They were like fragments of truth that reflected Simon's misguided relationship with Jae. And he was sure how he wanted to address this problem: not by playing games like Luke had suggested, but by being honest and confronting Jae face-to-face.

He took out his phone and dialled the young jock's number. He was ready.

"Hey Simon," Jae answered in an eager tone.

"Hi Jae. How are you?"

"I'm good, man. I'm glad you called back."

"Yeah, I did," Simon said with a smile.

"Listen, Simon, I need to tell you that I'm really sorry for what I did. I know I fucked up..."

"Jae, Jae," the musician interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we talk in person?"

Simon could hear the surprise in Jae's response. "Sure man, of course. Wanna come over?"

"I...I'd prefer to meet at the 24-hour place not far from your house," the singer suggested. "Or, if you know of..."

"Okay, sure. I'll meet you there in five."

"Make that fifteen," Simon added.

"Okay, yeah. See you soon."

When Simon arrived at the 24-hour resto café, Jae had already gotten a table on the second floor. The young hunk got up and was about to hug Simon, but hesitated, unsure if it would be all right. Simon then took the initiative and wrapped his arms around Jae's brawny body.

"Were you getting ready for bed?" Simon asked as they sat down.

"Oh no, I was studying for my chartered accountant exam."

"Oh. How's that going?"

Jae leaned back, arms resting on top of his head. "It's tough, man. It's a lot of material. I'm in a cool study group though."

The server came by and Simon ordered green tea. Then he continued his conversation with Jae.

"And how's work going?"

The young hunk groaned. "I'm so fuckin' overworked. Y'know how it is: I'm the junior so I get all the busy work. And I'm still learning, so I have to do shit over sometimes."

"Aww..."

"On weekends, I have to study for the exam, whenever I have free time basically." He took a gulp from his mug.

"Is that coffee?" Simon asked.

"Yeah. I gotta stay awake. More studying when I get back."

Simon leaned forward. "Oh, well, I won't keep you for much longer..."

This made Jae emphatically shake his head. "No, dude, it's all good! I wanna be here."

Their eyes met. Then the kettle of green tea arrived.

Simon was losing the impetus that compelled him to face Jae and tell him everything he'd been feeling. But he willed himself to go on, as uncomfortable and scary as it felt.

"So, I called you because I wanted to talk," the musician continued, pouring himself a cup. "...about last week."

There was a pause.

"I...I guess I wanna say that..."

Jae awaited Simon's stammering words.

The singer set down the tea kettle. "I can't do whatever it is we've been doing," he confessed with a frown, looking at the young jock.

"Okay..." Jae responded with raised eyebrows.

"I..." The musician took a big breath. "The thing is, I realized I'd fallen for you, and that's why everything at the party affected me so much."

Jae was silent, listening.

"You did nothing wrong. I mean, you..."

At this, the young jock interjected, "No, I was an asshole. I honestly don't know why it seemed like a good idea when Tyler suggested a threesome..."

Immediately, Simon looked around the café to see if anyone heard what Jae just said.

"I guess I got too drunk to make the right call. It was my bad. And you have every right to be mad at me."

Simon cast his gaze down at the table.

"But it really only hurt me because I'm...I was in love with you."

He found it hard to meet Jae's eyes in that moment, so he concentrated on spitting out the words he needed to say, while staring at the tabletop.

"You're such a great guy. You're so easy to be around, and you're funny, and you're always positive. You've really affected me in a good way."

He felt Jae reach for his hand on the table; quickly, Simon retracted his fingers.

"But I can't just be friends with you."

The musician shook his head weakly, weighed down by the sadness in his heart. This could be the end of their friendship, the last time they ever see each other. "I can't."

"I'm sorry," Jae offered again.

His voice was low and monotone, drained of the infectious energy that seemed to always be part of his character.

"I understand if you don't wanna see me anymore," he continued, a hint of sadness creeping into his tone.

They fell silent, looking down on the aged wooden surface of the table. Simon wiped away a tear with his finger and took a deep breath.

The static, wordless moment lingered. Then Jae got up.

"I won't keep you..." he muttered, his eyes avoiding contact.

"But I do wanna see you!" Simon uttered hastily.

They looked at each other, trapped in uncertainty. Slowly, Jae sat back down.

Simon's hands were cold, so he gripped the warm teacup. "Did you ever..." The singer forced himself to look at Jae. "Did you ever have any feelings..."

The young Korean's eyes seemed to lose focus for a second, as if they were lost in a mystery.

"Maybe..." Jae slowly replied. "I don't know..."

Simon wanted to push Jae further, to get a concrete answer out of him. But he knew it could also push him away.

"Do you still wanna see me?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, of course," Jae insisted, leaning forward. "But..."

This time, Simon reached forth and grabbed Jae's hand.

"I'm not asking for anything. I'm not gonna force you to make a decision."

A confused frown crossed Jae's face. "But...how is this gonna work?"

Simon swallowed. "I know maybe you can't tell right now, or maybe you never thought about it, but..."

He gently tightened his grip on Jae's hand. "Do you think maybe there's a chance, in the future, that you could see me as more than a friend?"

The black musician held his breath as Jae pondered the question.

Jae's words came bit by bit. "Maybe...maybe I already have..."

He looked at Simon, fidgety. "I've never had a friend like you before. I've never had sex..."

"Me neither," Simon concurred.

Jae continued, "I don't wanna be an asshole."

"Of course not," Simon followed.

After another period of quiet, Jae asked, "So, what...what do we do?"

Simon had came here to face his issue and get everything off his chest; he assumed the answer to his problem would reveal itself afterwards. Instead, it felt like they were back at square one.

"I don't know," Simon confessed, looking at their joined hands.

`At least he still wants me in his life,' he thought.

"I should let you get back to studying," the musician followed.

"I'll call you later...if you want," Jae offered as they stood up and hugged goodbye.

"Sure," Simon answered with a smile. He felt Jae's strong arms tighten around him, and he reciprocated the embrace.

The next day, Simon went to work feeling refreshed. Sure, he had to work on a Saturday, but he felt proud for stepping up to the plate instead of running away from his problem. Though the outcome wasn't clear-cut, at least they knew where each other stood. It was a big step for Simon towards respecting and loving himself.

When he finished work around five in the evening, he thought he'd give Richie a call, to see if he would be up to hang out. It turned out that his blond friend was stressing out over holiday shopping, and he promptly agreed to meet up for dinner.

They met at a Japanese eatery and caught up with each other. Simon told Richie everything that happened the night before, from going out for drinks with Luke, the live sex show, overhearing Benjamin Bonn's bitchiness, to confronting Jae.

Richie smiled warmly when Simon finished retelling his eventful night.

"Kudos to you, gurl!!" the blond toasted, clinking their teacups.

"Thanks."

"I'm so proud of you. I mean, you know what I would've done..." Richie remarked with a wink.

"Yeah...get to know Imran!" the older musician jabbed. They both laughed.

"And then try to get into Jae's pants again! Don't forget that!"

"Oh goodness..." Simon sighed, chuckling.

"But what you did was ten times better," Richie continued, his tone turning sincere. "You did what you really needed to do. You had to talk to Jae. And you did."

"Thanks," Simon said, blushing.

Richie popped a piece of sushi into his mouth. "So...are you going to get into Jae's pants again??" he asked after swallowing.

"Goodness, Richie!" Simon exclaimed. The blond responded with a cheeky smirk.

The singer resumed, "I dunno...I dunno where we stand. Or, I mean, I know where we stand, but where we go from here..." He picked at his bento box. "It's up to him."

Then he looked up. "Actually, it's up to me," he finished with a spreading smile.

"What if he sleeps with another guy? Or girl?" Richie questioned. "Wait, would that make a difference?"

"It wouldn't," Simon replied, looking back down at his dinner. "And I don't think I could handle that."

The younger blond raised his eyebrows. "So it's either he becomes your boyfriend, or that's it," Richie spelled out.

Simon was hit by how black-and-white it was. "Is that really it, though?"

"Well..." Richie began, but his ringing phone interrupted him. "Oh, it's Danny," he remarked, picking up the call. "Hey you."

Simon watched as Richie's expression turned to concern.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

The musician waited.

"What?!" Richie suddenly exclaimed. "What happened??"

The blond shot a worried glance at the musician. Simon silently mouthed, "What is it?"

"Danny...Danny," the blond interjected. "Can you come to Gyoza? I'm here with Simon. Or do you want us to come pick you up? Let's talk in person..."

Richie listened to his best friend's response at the other end of the line. "Okay, okay. Take your time. We'll be here. Text me if anything."

"What is it?" Simon asked cautiously as Richie hung up.

"He just broke up with Roberto," the younger blond replied, confused.

"Oh my goodness..."

Simon thought back to the last time he hung out with Danny along with Richie, to see if there were any indications that things would take such a sudden and drastic turn. He remembered hearing that Danny didn't enjoy going to the gym with Roberto, and he urged the copywriter to talk to his boyfriend about it. It didn't strike Simon as something that could lead to such a quick breakup, at least on its own.

When Danny arrived, his eyes were puffy from crying and his head hung low. Richie went up to embrace him.

"Do you want some dumplings?" the blond offered as they sat down.

"I'm not hungry," Danny muttered.

"You should eat, though. We'll order you dumplings." Danny stared blankly at the dessert card on the table, and leaned against Richie's shoulder. The latter gestured to Simon to call for the server.

"Can we get an order of dumplings and another green tea, please?" Simon asked.

Richie offered his tea to Danny. They sat wordlessly while upbeat J-pop music played in the background.

After a spell of mute withdrawal, the copywriter straightened up on the booth seat. "I guess you wanna know what happened," he began.

"If you don't wanna talk about it right now, that's fine," Richie assured.

"No, I should," Danny sighed. "It'll help me deal with it."

The dumplings arrived and the copywriter stared at it. Simon wasn't sure if Danny was thinking about eating one, or thinking about what had just happened with Roberto, or if perhaps the dumplings served as a metaphor for the breakup. Basically, the musician couldn't wait to hear the story.

Danny took a breath and began his story. "So I got home from the coffee shop and Roberto was waiting for me with this funny look on his face. He was home a lot earlier than I expected. There was luggage in the kitchen."

He took a sip of tea and went on. "He asked, Where've you been?' like he was a bit anxious, and I said, Nowhere'...and then he pulled out a rose from his back and said, `Happy anniversary, baby'."

"Oh," Richie noted.

"I didn't think it was that time already...I mean, I can't believe it still...he told me he started counting from when we first talked to each other at the garage."

Richie briefly recalled all the ups and down that his best friend had already experienced since his first talk with Roberto a year ago: the whirlwind romance, the tension with Danny's mother, the (first) sudden breakup, and the ensuing fall out of Danny's friendship with Richie earlier in the year.

"I thanked him for the rose and we kissed. And then he told me he had a surprise for me."

The brunet finally picked up a dumpling and began eating. "He booked a weekend getaway behind my back. We were gonna go to a hotel a few hours away...and then check out the racetrack."

"The racetrack??" Richie questioned.

Simon could see emotion welling up in Danny's face. "He said he wanted to show me what motorcycle racing is like, and how amazing it is. But all I could think of was just, what the fuck? And then it hit me that that he's been racing behind my back."

Danny put down his chopsticks. "He swore that he hasn't gotten back on a bike, but then I find out he's been to the racetrack twice already!" He looked at Richie in shock, as if reliving the fight.

"Once during the Big Fair, the second time just last week. And THEN I find out he's been talking to Nadia this whole time!!" The copywriter buried his face in his hands.

"Who's Nadia?" Richie asked. He held Danny as the brunet sobbed quietly.

"His old racing teacher. I was scared she was gonna take him away..." Danny squeezed his eyes shut. "He promised me he wouldn't. He lied to me!!"

"Oh no..." Simon whispered.

"We started shouting at each other. I couldn't understand why he would lie to me...HOW could he??" Danny stared at Richie as if his best friend would have an answer. "And why would he go back to racing?? It's so dangerous!"

"Did he tell you why?" Richie asked.

"No...I asked him what else he's been lying about, and instead of answering me honestly, he turned the tables on me. He asked me where I've been after work and I said, Nowhere', and he said, If you had nothing to hide, you'd just tell me.'"

Richie and Simon were beginning to grasp the layered complexity of the situation. "Danny, why don't we take a break? Here, have some more dumplings," the blond suggested.

But his best friend vehemently shook his head and went on, with tears running down his face. "And I told him, Sorry I'm not as good of a liar as you are.' I said, I go to the mall after work `cos I can't handle going to the gym with you anymore!' I..."

A hint of shame crossed Danny's face. "I even called in sick once..."

Richie rubbed the brunet's back. "I couldn't handle it...I hate going to the gym!" Danny exclaimed. "I feel so weak and ugly, and I just feel like I'm not good enough for him..."

"Oh Danny..." Simon sighed, reaching over to hold his hand.

"And I told him, if racing is that important to you, then just go, go back to Nadia. Just leave."

Danny was shaking slightly, trying to hold it together.

"He looked at me...like the way he looked at me when he found me in the bathhouse, after our first breakup. He looked at me and said he needed to do this, and he needed me to come with him."

The distraught brunet shook his head at the recollection. "I told him I don't want anything to do with racing or Nadia, ever. And then...'"

A pained sob escaped Danny's lips. "And then I said maybe we should break up."

Richie and Simon were both stunned into frozen silence.

Danny took one of the napkins and blotted his face. Gradually, his breathing calmed down.

"He asked me one more time to come with him. I said no. And then he left and said he'll be back tomorrow night."

Simon closed his eyes and held Danny's hand tightly.

Wordless rumination followed. Minutes later, when the brunet broke the lull, he looked up at Richie and Simon. "Should I have gone with him? Should I not have said, `Let's break up'?"

Richie leaned in and looked at Danny. "I really think you guys need to talk calmly when he gets back." The blond squeezed Danny's shoulders. "You guys just had a serious fight, and I really wish he didn't run off like that, but..."

Danny looked at his best friend sadly. "I think it's too late," he whispered.

His eyes were closed as he breathed, "I think...I think it's over," He couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

"No, Danny, it doesn't have to be," Richie corrected, gripping Danny's arms. "You guys are going through some problems, but you still love each other, right?"

And then Danny delivered the line that utterly broke Simon's heart.

"I love him, but I don't think I'm good enough for him."

The singer jumped in. "No, Danny, don't think like that," he urged.

"No, it's true," the copywriter insisted. "He deserves someone better. He should be with someone who's more mature, someone better looking, someone his equal, in every way."

Danny's low self-esteem made Richie realize that there was a much bigger, more fundamental issue to deal with than saving Danny's relationship with Roberto. For all the years he's known the brunet, confidence was never his strong suit; now, it had finally translated into a heartbreaking consequence.

Danny hugged Richie, then reached for Simon's hand and squeezed it warmly.

"I should get back and pack," Danny said, sniffling.

"You mean unpack. The luggage?" Richie asked.

"No," Danny corrected. "I have to go. I have to leave."

"Leave??" Richie asked, astonished.

"I can't stay there anymore. Not like this," he muttered, getting up.

Richie immediately pulled him back down. "But where, Danny?? Where are you going to stay? Are you going to go back to your parents'?"

The brunet scoffed derisively. "No. My mom will never shut up about it." Then he stared blankly at a distance. "I...I was thinking I'll just stay at a motel for a week, until I can find a new place."

Richie thought that was the most foolish and insane thing he'd ever heard from Danny. He looked at Simon desperately, hoping he had a way to stall Danny from his rash decision, if not change his mind.

The musician thought quickly and spoke up. "Danny, if you're really sure you want to go through with this, maybe...maybe I can help you find a place."

"Oh yeah?" Danny responded, hopeful.

"Yeah, well, I know one of the bachelor apartments upstairs from mine will be vacant soon. My neighbour is leaving at the end of the month. I can help you look into that, if you want."

"Really??"

Richie interrupted, "But are you sure about this?" He looked hard at his best friend.

Danny nodded firmly.

The musician continued. "And, if you don't mind, you can crash at my place for a bit. It's small, but I think it's better than you staying at a motel. Even if you decide not to take the apartment upstairs."

Danny's eyes widened. He had long gotten over his initial misgivings about Simon, and they'd been getting along great ever since, but he was still taken aback by how open and generous his new friend was.

"Really, Simon? Are you sure??"

Simon was sure as soon as he heard Danny's struggle with his self-esteem. He recognized a piece of his own struggle within Danny.

The trio of friends left the restaurant soon afterwards to help Danny pack and move out of Roberto's apartment. It was a subdued affair, all of them quietly reeling from what had just happened, and what they were doing.

When they were ready to go an hour later, Danny held his emotions in check as best he could, and did one final check in Roberto's apartment for any lingering belongings. It was his second time moving out this year; he wondered if it would be as difficult every time in the future.

A few minutes later, Danny joined his friends out in the hallway and locked Roberto's apartment door. Richie was on the phone to update Trevor on where he was and what he was doing.

"Let's go," the brunet said.

They took a taxi to Simon's bachelor pad. When they arrived, they promptly moved Danny's things up into the small apartment. He would basically be living out of his luggage and boxes for a while, but at least he had a roof over his head, and he was with a friend, a surprisingly hospitable one.

While Simon called his landlady about the vacancy upstairs, Richie sat down with Danny.

"How're you feeling?"

"Better...I think," Danny said. "It's weird, and crazy."

He gave Richie a long hug. "Thanks for being here."

"No problem," Richie replied. "Trevor's excited he gets to watch a documentary that would put me to sleep."

Danny was so wrapped up in his own drama that he forgot about Richie's life with his boyfriend. "Omigod, I'm so sorry..." he groaned. "Go home, go home."

"Psst...he's having the time of his life watching this fishing boat break waves and...catch fish and whatever." The blond rolled his eyes. "Hey, is anyone hungry? We should cook something," he said as Simon got off the phone.

"Sure," the musician answered with a smile. "And I have good news: the apartment is ready for January 1st."

Danny felt warmth and gratitude as he smiled and said thank you to Simon.

"Time for a chips and pasta fest!" Richie declared and whooped. He looked at Simon and added, "Chips and pasta and hummus fest?"

They went to the supermarket that was open till midnight to get ingredients for a fettuccine with brussels sprouts and mushrooms. Danny felt a lot better now, being with good friends and looking forward to helping out in the kitchen.

When they got back, Simon put on a dance playlist and the trio got down to making their late-night meal. The vibe was jovial, a complete 180-degree turn from before. In about 30 minutes, their piping hot pasta bowl was ready, and everyone dug in.

Amidst discussing celebrity gossip and the next movie they would like to see, Danny, Richie, and Simon finished all of the food quickly. It seemed the heavy emotions and heavy moving from earlier in the evening had carved out a mighty appetite. After the meal, as they washed and cleaned up, Richie got a text, the latest in a string of notifications over the night.

"Well, this is new," he said out loud. "He's moved on from describing every scene in the doc in detail, to pestering me about when I'll come home."

"Trevor wants some bow chicka wow wow," Simon teased, emulating vinyl record scratching.

"Go home, go home," Danny urged, turning Richie away from the kitchen sink.

"All right, all right. He probably wants a back massage before bed," the blond guessed, putting on his shoes.

"Say hi to him for me," Danny said. "And..." He grabbed Richie in a tight embrace. "Thank you for spending your night with me."

His best friend wrapped his hands around Danny's cheeks. "Anytime. Call me tomorrow,"

"Okay."

"Bye, girls!" Richie exclaimed as he opened the front door.

A moment of awkwardness followed Richie's farewell.

"Well, I guess I'll get ready for bed. I'll be quick," Simon said, heading to the bathroom.

"No need to hurry," Danny insisted. While Simon was in the bathroom, the copywriter changed into his pajamas.

Simon had a futon that came in handy whenever a friend wanted to sleep over. Danny helped him fold it out, then sat down on it. He saw Simon do the same.

"Go sleep on the bed," Simon urged.

"No no, it's okay..."

"I was planning on sleeping on the futon anyway. Go sleep on the bed."

Danny pleaded, "Oh, I can't..."

"Yes you can," the musician quipped, flopping down on the futon. "Too late."

Danny gave up with a chuckle and walked over to the bed. He wanted to ask Simon why he was being so nice to him, but he thought it would come off ungrateful.

"Good night. Hopefully you'll sleep okay in a new bed."

"Good night, Simon," Danny replied. "...and, thank you, again."

Simon smiled and closed his eyes.

The musician was awoken hours later by muffled sobbing. At first he panicked, thinking a scene from a ghost movie was coming true. And then he remembered that Danny was here, and he recalled everything that he'd just went through.

"Danny, are you okay?" Simon asked, sitting up.

The brunet coughed. "Sorry..." He blew his nose. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Would you like a glass of water?" the black singer asked.

Danny replied, "Please, go back to bed. I'm okay."

But his host was already up and in the kitchen. Simon soon sat down on the bed facing Danny, and handed his friend a glass of water.

"Thanks," Danny meekly replied. He felt guilty and embarrassed.

"Do you wanna talk for a bit?" Simon asked gently.

"It's late," Danny answered after taken a sip. "I don't wanna keep you up."

"Well, tomorrow's Sunday, so unless you're a morning person, I was planning on sleeping in," the musician said with a grin.

Danny giggled. "Why are you being so nice to me?" he suddenly blurted out.

Simon turned on the lamp beside the bed. "Well..."

"Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I don't appreciate it," Danny elaborated. "I do. Just..." The younger gay gestured around the bachelor pad. "You didn't have to invite me here."

"No, but I wanted to."

Simon paused; he thought about how to articulate his rationale.

The singer began slowly. "I...I guess I wanted to help you because I've been through what you're going through."

He clarified, "Well...not exactly. I've never had a boyfriend. But, when you said, um, that you didn't feel you were good enough, I knew exactly how you felt."

"Really?" Danny asked, a bit surprised.

"Yeah...it's something I've been dealing with my whole life."

Danny sat up and listened attentively.

"I've fallen for the wrong guys all my life, and it was like I never learned my lesson." The 31 year-old looked out the window behind the bed. "Even if they were straight guys...and most of them were...I still fell for them and accepted whatever I could get from them."

Simon continued, "Sometimes it was just a one-sided crush. One time I told this guy and he was okay with it, but he wasn't interested in more than just friends. And then the last two times, man..." The musician whistled. "I let this straight guy use me."

"Like, sexually?" Danny asked.

"No, that was the most recent time," Simon corrected with a chuckle. "Jesse...he was my old boss. He would tease me with the possibility that...we could be more. He played me to get me to do all the boring and stressful work, like, doing the paperwork or the cold calling. And just ridiculous hours."

Simon swallowed and fiddled with his hands. "And then I finally woke up one day and I realized...I realized that he was never going to change. He was never going to love me. I wasted two years of my life, and I still didn't learn my lesson," Simon chuckled sadly.

Danny thought about it. He could see himself in a similar predicament, if he hadn't met Roberto.

"Then the last guy...his name's Jae. Actually, we're still friends..." he paused. "It's complicated," Simon finished while rolling his eyes. The two of them shared a quiet laugh.

"What was his problem?" Danny questioned.

"Well, it wasn't just his problem. It was mine. See, that's what I was having trouble with...I still am, but I'm working on it."

"Working on what?"

Simon shuddered a bit as he expressed himself. "That I deserve better. That I do deserve love. It took me so long before I realized. And I let them walk all over me, because I was scared that no one would want me. And I think that fear came from the fact that I didn't think I was good enough."

The 23 year-old brunet looked at Simon, breathless, mouth open.

"If you can't love yourself, how can you love somebody else?" Simon asked. He wasn't sure if he was asking Danny or himself. "As cliché as it sounds..."

Danny couldn't hold it in anymore. He burst out into sobs.

"Danny??"

"No...I'm..." The young brunet tried to signal through his waving hands that he wasn't crying because he was upset. He was shedding tears because it was as if Simon had read his mind and voiced his deepest thoughts. The crying was a much-needed release not only for everything he'd gone through in the last 24 hours, but for all the baggage he'd accumulated throughout his life.

Simon realized his eyes was a bit moist as well. Everything he said wasn't just advice to Danny; it was advice for himself, too. He held his friend quietly as Danny's sobbing subsided.

After a wordless spell, the copywriter said, "You're totally right."

"I always thought that my relationship had to be perfect," Danny continued. "But it wasn't the relationship...it wasn't just the relationship that was the problem."

He looked at Simon with a new light in his eyes. "It was me. I have to start with me. If I can't love myself, how can I love Roberto?"

"And," Simon added,"If you love yourself, you'd think you ARE good enough."

Danny looked at Simon sadly. "How do I do that?"

"Well, why do you think you're not good enough for Roberto?"

"Because I'm too young, and I don't have a good body," Danny began. "I don't know how to cook, and..."

"I don't think he has a problem with any of those things," Simon interjected. "Or else he wouldn't have talked to you in the first place. Or asked you to move in with him."

Danny blinked.

"So, the problem is how you see yourself," Simon continued. "Nobody's perfect. And I think...I think what's important is to look at your faults, be honest about them," he continued. "And then...just, work on improving them, right? And if you need help, ask."

"I guess..." Danny muttered. He piped up a moment later, "But Roberto is so perfect...why would he love a guy like me?"

Simon grinned. "You can't explain love, can you? How can you explain why you love someone?"

"Sure I can," Danny countered. "I love Roberto because he's really hot, he makes me feel happy, and he's good to me."

"Well, there you go," Simon said. "And I'm sure he feels the same about you."

"I guess," Danny conceded hesitantly. Quietly, he added, "All I see are my faults though."

Simon shifted his sitting stance and faced Danny. "Okay, well, let's look at what you just said are your faults. You said you're too young for him...what if he doesn't think so?"

"But I made him mad one time. I wouldn't if I was more mature."

"Did you apologize?"

"Yes."

"Did you learn what to do next time?"

"Yes."

"Good. That means you're learning and getting more mature. Now, let me ask you this: has he ever made you mad?"

"Yeah."

"Well, there you go. He has to learn too. See, you guys are equal."

Danny thought that was too simple to be true. "But...I'm not as hot as him," he whined.

"Well, that's just what you think. What if Roberto thinks you're hot just the way you are?"

"But everyone at the gym he talks to has an amazing body, and they all want him, I can tell..."

"And who is he dating?" Simon asked with raised eyebrow.

That shut Danny up. He blushed and looked down.

"I know it's easy to just see your faults and not your strengths. I have the same problem, and I'm working on it too," Simon sighed. "But you're intelligent, Danny, and you're nice. You're a good friend, and you're cute," the musician noted. "Why wouldn't Roberto love you?"

"Stop it," Danny giggled.

"Oh," Simon exclaimed. "And cooking is easy to learn. You can practice here as much as you want," he affirmed with a wide grin.

"Maybe I will," Danny said, his expression brightening up. He leaned forward and grabbed his friend in a tight hug. Simon's words were exactly what he needed to hear, to start seeing himself in a new light.

"Thank you," he breathed.

"I think Roberto loves you the way you are," Simon said. "You just have to do the same, okay?"

Danny nodded. Simon nodded too, urging himself to take his own advice.

They say you never forget how to ride a bike.

As soon as Roberto zipped himself into his leather bodysuit, then put on his boots, gloves and helmet, it was as if he'd never stopped racing.

He rolled up his motorcycle to the starting line and leaned down, his stomach flat against the metallic two-wheeled body. He paid no attention to the racer on his left; he was searching for an answer within himself.

Roberto's eyes centred on the racing lights, while his right hand revved the engine. One by one, the amber bulbs lit up and counted down, until the green light shone at the bottom. Then he took off.

Disengage the clutch; shift gears; rev the engine; re-engage the clutch. He repeated the precise, rapid-fire sequence every time the rpm needle hit the sweet spot.

The night wind howled as it whipped past his helmet, singing in furious harmony with the lively snarl of the bike. He accelerated through the quarter-mile at breakneck speed, then crossed the finish line before the racer to his left.

When he returned to the crew pit, Nadia and Olivier met him with smiles.

"7.3255 seconds, 180mph," Nadia said to Roberto after he took off his helmet.

Olivier gave the Portuguese mechanic a hearty pat on his back. "You'll be in the Top 16 for sure, my friend!"

"Thanks," Roberto replied, meeting Nadia's eyes. "But I gotta go."

Both Nadia and Olivier's face expressed surprise.

"But you're just getting started..." the Swiss banker began; Nadia promptly stopped him with a glance and a tug on his elbow.

"Thank you again for this," the mechanic said, giving the silver Suzuki Hayabusa one more look.

"Anytime," Nadia offered. "It's your bike."

Roberto shook his head. "You know I can't accept that..."

Nadia interrupted. "It's yours, and it's here whenever you want to ride it."

The mechanic smiled and gave the Vice President of Racing Events a hug.

"Roberto, my speedy friend," Olivier sighed as he embraced the mechanic. "Please, you're welcome to come back anytime. Nadia misses you, you know? And we would like to meet Danny!"

The mention of his beloved's name stung Roberto in the heart. He nodded, then waved goodbye to the pair.

The two-hour drive back home felt like it would never end. While zooming past other drivers in his red Mitsubishi Lancer, he thought about his apology to Danny. He didn't want to get choked up and mess up the words; he needed to fully express what he felt.

He'd found his answer: Danny was more important to him than racing. The French-Chinese brunet was the centre of his world now, along with the garage. Racing was the old him; like Nadia had said when they had seen each other again at the sports bar, he'd changed.

When he finally got back on a bike and raced down the quarter-mile, the all-consuming adrenaline rush and boundless freedom he'd anticipated didn't manifest themselves. It turned out that racing didn't thrill him the same way anymore. Or, maybe he was no longer satisfied with thrills. He needed meaning, substance, and purpose, things that being in a serious, long-term relationship with Danny offered.

Roberto still enjoyed the run down the quarter-mile, but he was now ready to give it up for Danny. He was ready to do anything for him and their relationship. He would work on their problems, even though he had no idea what he was doing--and he was ready to admit that, too. It would be hard, but he now knew it was worth it to keep trying.

So when Roberto arrived at his apartment and Danny and his belongings were nowhere to be found, the mechanic lost it. It seemed the challenges just kept on coming. His hand was shaking as he called the brunet.

"Hi," Danny answered, a hint of reservation in his voice.

"Where are you?!" Roberto demanded.

"I'm at a friend's..."

"Are you at Richie's??"

"No, no...I'm just crashing at a friend's," he said, looking at Simon beside him.

"When are you coming back??"

"I..." Danny took a deep breath. "I dunno..."

"What do you mean?" Roberto questioned. "I'm back home now. C'mon, I'll pick you up."

"No, Berto..."

As Danny struggled to stay calm and say what he needed to say, Simon held his hand.

"I think I need to be on my own for a while."

There was a moment of silence from Roberto's end.

"You...you don't mean that..." the mechanic stammered.

And then Danny heard a stifled sob. It prompted tears from his own eyes.

"I'm sorry, Berto," he whispered, beginning to cry.

"No, baby, I'm sorry," Roberto replied, trying to breathe through his raging emotions. "I shouldn't have left you last night...I shouldn't have pushed you to go..."

The sobs took over. "I-I shouldn't have..."

"Berto...Berto..." Danny weeped, trying to compose himself and continue the conversation. "I love you, I still do...but..."

"Then come back, baby..." Roberto pleaded. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. I know I said I wouldn't hurt you again..." He shuddered as his nose started running along with his tears. "I'm an asshole, I know, but I'm begging you, please..."

"It's not that, Berto..." Danny blubbered. "It's just...oh god..." He took a few deep breaths while Simon held him.

"Danny, I promise..."

"Please just listen," the young brunet implored.

"I need to see you," Roberto demanded, his voice shaky. "I-I can't do this like this. I need to see you."

"Oh Berto..."

"Can we talk in person, at least?" Roberto asked, despondent.

Danny closed his eyes and thought for a moment.

Slowly, the brunet replied, "Okay...okay. Where do you wanna meet?"

"Come over," the mechanic said, wiping his eyes. "I'll make us dinner."

Right away, Danny knew things might get out of control if he went over to Roberto's place. But hearing his man cry over the phone was just too painful, and he didn't want to hurt Roberto any more.

"Okay."

Soon, Danny hung up, then updated Simon on what was going on. The musician reminded Danny not to get caught up in the moment, and to get everything off his chest.

The young brunet arrived at Roberto's apartment and saw that the lights were off, with the kitchen illuminated by candles. The 31 year-old mechanic had just finished cooking and was hurriedly arranging the dining table.

"I'm just setting up..." he said.

"It's okay," Danny replied softly.

Roberto turned to his younger lover. "Okay, it's ready."

Danny looked up at the love of his life. His heart winced at the sight of his red eyes. The younger man sat down in the chair that Roberto pulled out. On the table was his favourite dish: scrambled eggs mixed with peas, chopped carrots, mushrooms and pork bits. There was also a soup and salad.

"Thank you," Danny said as Roberto sat down.

"It's been a while since I made this," the mechanic added.

They ate quietly. Danny loved Roberto's expert cooking, and he loved eating with his man. But he had so much he had to say, and he was nervous that he wouldn't be able to say it all before either one of them broke down.

"Do you want some wine?" Roberto asked after a while.

"Umm..." It seemed to be another red flag that the night was going to veer off-course. Danny nodded though, thinking that it would calm his nerves a little.

The mechanic got up and rambled about the year and taste of the red wine he had. Danny watched him, his entire being enraptured by Roberto: the lust that warmed his body, the love that pumped in his heart, the harmony that hummed in his soul.

"Danny?"

The brunet blinked when he realized he was staring at the mechanic.

"Can you sit down?" Danny requested.

He noticed a tiny shake as Roberto poured the wine into each of their glasses. After he was done, he set down the bottle and looked at Danny, holding his breath.

"Oh god. It's time,' Danny thought.

"This is so hard..." he began, then quickly grabbed the glass and gulped down the alcohol. He felt Roberto's calloused hand wrap around his own on the table, and instantly, he began to feel hot.

"I guess...I'll start by saying sorry," he resumed, looking at Roberto. "I'm sorry I lied about where I was after work. I went to the mall because I couldn't handle the stress of working out with you."

Roberto furrowed his brows. "I didn't know you hated it. I thought you loved it."

Danny nodded. "I wanted to. It was so important to you. But it just never felt right. I..." He took another sip. "I never felt good-looking enough. I just compared myself to your friends at the gym and I felt...ugly."

The mechanic leaned forward. "Danny..."

"Please, let me finish," the younger man insisted. "I didn't...I didn't feel like I was good enough for you." He waited for the words to sink in. "And that's why I backed away from you."

Roberto was in disbelief; he had no idea that was the reason why Danny rejected his sexual advances. "Danny, you know I'm crazy about you. Don't you feel like every time..." He looked earnestly at the younger man. "...every time we make love?"

Danny shook his head, then stopped when he realized it looked like he was replying in the negative.

"It's not you. The problem is with me, in my head," he explained. "I've never had the highest self-esteem...you know that. I still can't believe sometimes that...that you love me."

"Danny, what..."

The brunet closed his eyes and powered through. "And it took until now for me to see, it's because I don't really love myself. I don't think I'm enough, for you," he stated, opening his eyes. "I don't think I'm enough."

"Baby..." Roberto pleaded, drawing Danny's hand to his lips for a kiss.

"Like, your racing. I thought it was going to take you away from me, and I was scared I couldn't compete with Nadia." Danny looked down. "I know it sounds crazy, but I freaked out because I thought you were choosing racing over me."

If Roberto didn't feel like a bastard of a tool before, he did now. Burning tears assaults his eyes again.

"No no no, Danny, it was never like that..." he insisted, trying not to cry.

As sure as clockwork, the sight of Roberto's moist eyes turned on Danny's own waterworks. Their hands were interlocked in a tight ball at the centre of the table.

"And now..." Danny started, then choked. "A-and now...I see that I have to love all of you..." he breathed heavily with his mouth, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I have to...just like I have to...love all of myself."

"Baby..." Roberto had known it wasn't going to be easy to work through their problems; still, he couldn't stop from breaking down in agonizing sobs.

Danny continued, "I'm still scared that...that you'll get hurt like that racer you saw...but, but, I have to accept that it's a part of you."

"I won't race ever again, Danny. I promise," Roberto urged, wiping his tears on a napkin.

"No, that's not the point," Danny corrected, squeezing the mechanic's hands. "You love racing. It's part of who you are. And I have to learn to accept that, and just pray you won't get in an accident."

"Baby," the mechanic moaned. "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it."

At this, Danny took a breath.

"I want you to be yourself," he affirmed.

Danny looked up at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears. "And I need to learn to be myself. And to love myself," he declared.

"I guess that's why..." he continued, "...that's why I said I need to be on my own, for a while. I think I need space for myself."

He looked deeply into Roberto's eyes, and said, "I need to grow up."

Roberto got up abruptly, walked over to Danny and pulled him into a tight hug. He was afraid that if he didn't hold on tightly enough, he would lose the love of his life forever.

When they finally broke the embrace and looked at each other, Danny saw that Roberto's tears were drying.

"Just give me some time," Danny said.

"We can do this together," Roberto suggested.

"Please, Berto..."

"Whatever you need, I'll give you. I'll be there," the mechanic insisted.

He rested his forehead on Danny's. "Just don't leave me," he begged.

Danny held his man tightly again, and buried his face into Roberto's hard, wide chest.

After a another period of quiet, the mechanic stud asked, "Can you forgive me?"

"Yes," Danny replied, nodding in Roberto's embrace.

"Do you still love me?"

It hurt Danny so much, to see and hear his love like this.

"Of course I love you, Berto," Danny said, looking up at the mechanic. "You're the only man I've ever loved."

"Is there someone else?" Roberto asked, suddenly agitated. "Did you meet someone?"

Danny shook his head frustratingly. "No...no. That's not it. There's no one else..."

Roberto was exasperated. "Then what is it? Why won't you come back to me?"

"I told you...I need to work on myself."

"But...we can do that together." Roberto didn't understand.

Danny sighed. "Berto, please..." He thought for a second.

"I love you, but sometimes you drive me crazy," he confessed. "I...I know I drive you crazy too. And I just feel like...I need some space to think straight and sort things out."

"You don't need to change, baby," Roberto said. "I love you the way you are."

Danny gasped quietly and stared wide-eyed at the mechanic.

"..do you?" the younger man asked in a tiny voice.

Roberto's answer was in the form of a passionate, urgent kiss.

"Berto, please..." This was exactly why he needed space from the mechanic stud, the love of his life. It was near impossible to function logically with this strapping hulk of hot-blooded, virile man going at him every day, sometimes twice a day.

"I love you, baby," Roberto whispered tenderly.

Danny whimpered; Roberto took the hesitation to smother the brunet's lips with his own. Their tongues were soon twirling all over, frantically lapping and swiping at each other.

"I love you," the mechanic repeated, before another scorching kiss. "I need you," he asserted breathlessly, then hungrily pressed his lips to Danny's again. The smaller, younger man gripped Roberto's hard, bulging pecs through his button shirt and kissed back.

When the mechanic broke the kiss for a breath of air, he stroked Danny's chin and asked, "Do you want me to stop?"

Danny was speechless.

The next thing he knew, he was lifted into Roberto's arms and they were heading into the bedroom. The mechanic dropped Danny gently on the king-sized bed, crouched over him and began unbuttoning his shirt.

When Danny saw the sculpted pectorals and rippling abs, he knew it was useless to resist. Any more talking that he wanted to do would have to wait till later.

The young brunet reached up and ran his hands over Roberto's muscular, furry torso as the mechanic stripped off his top. Flicking his fingers over the large, dark nipples, he incited a throaty moan from his man, who proceeded to strip Danny out of his clothes. After a flurry of hurried motion, the lovers pressed their naked bodies tightly against each other.

"Berto..." Danny called out, yearning for his man's touch.

Roberto responded by grinding his pelvis into Danny's as the younger man wrapped his legs around the mechanic's waist.

They kissed fervently, their lips and tongue sucking hungrily, wet and sloppy. Danny gripped Roberto's big biceps, then glided his hands down the mechanic's sinewy serratus and obliques. Just feeling his man's muscular body made Danny hard.

"Tell me what you want, baby," Roberto said after their kiss, leaning on his forearms as he enjoyed Danny's touch.

The brunet's eyes looked up and pleaded.

"Made love to me," Danny whispered, circling his palms on the mechanic's dimpled buttocks.

Roberto planted a quick kiss on his boy's lips, then rolled to the side and grabbed the necessary supplies from the bedstand. He turned back to see Danny folding his legs up against his chest, and chuckled at his lover's eagerness.

The mechanic spread lube over two fingers and gently pressed them through Danny's sphincter. On his knees, Roberto shuffled forward and offered his half-hard cock to Danny.

Danny sighed happily as he took the oversized meat in his mouth. He just loved running his tongue all around that big fat cockhead, until he moved forward and throated the shaft deep down. As strings of viscous saliva dripped forth from his mouth, he would slurp noisily and suck hard all the way back up to the crown, only to repeat the whole process.

Roberto cradled Danny's soft head of brunet hair as he groaned pleasurably. His boy knew how to take dick and work it, and in no time the mechanic was fully erect at a slightly bent nine inches.

He drew his dick out of Danny's pursed lips with a pop. The younger man moaned, disappointed. He felt Roberto's fingers pull out of his eased rectum. The strapping stud then moved behind Danny's folded legs and slicked on more lube.

Roberto gazed at his younger lover's svelte figure, taking in the slender curves of his neck, his waist, and his hips. Then, he looked up at Danny's face.

"Ready, baby?"

"Um hmm," Danny nodded, feeling warm and relaxed.

The push in was slow and gentle. It burned Danny a little as inch after inch of thick, hard cock filled up his anal canal. He took deep breaths and pushed out, willing himself to accept Roberto's massive member. Above him, his virile hunk let out a long sigh, stimulated by the gripping walls of his boy's channel.

When he was all the way in, Roberto wrapped Danny's legs around his sides and leaned down, until he was face to face with the love of his life. Peppering light kisses all over the brunet's lovely face, he began working his pelvis back and forth in a slow, shallow rhythm.

Danny shuddered and laid back, overwhelmed by the gentle internal friction and enveloping warmth of Roberto's statuesque body.

"You like it, baby?" the mechanic asked, studying his boy's closed eyes and frowning forehead.

"Yes Berto," Danny breathed, his arms falling limp above his head. "I love it like this."

"I'll do it like this every night," Roberto promised. His hairy eight-pack stroked Danny's erect five-incher coarsely with every push and pull, titillating the brunet simultaneously with the anal massage.

"I like it every way with you," Danny affirmed. His hands crept up Roberto's forearms, then his biceps and triceps, before holding onto his flexing shoulders.

"But you love this," the mechanic reiterated, kissing down his lover's neck. He wanted to taste every inch of Danny's porcelain skin.

Danny was finding it hard to form words. He sank under the throbbing sensation of affectionate yet insistent thrusts from his big, strong lover, who plunged and withdrew his long, girthy prick over and over into Danny's stretching sphincter.

Unable to stop himself from endless pleading sighs and breathy whimpers, Danny fell deeper into bliss, losing track of time.

When he opened his eyes and looked up at Roberto some time later, he saw the mechanic's gaze locked onto his own. His mouth was slightly open, and a scratchy groan rolled forth periodically. The aching thrusts up Danny's rectum, and the strokes of Roberto's abs on his cock were getting too much to handle. The younger bottom felt a dull ache building in his prostate gland.

"Berto!" he exclaimed.

"You gonna cum?" Roberto asked excited, picking up the pace slightly. "Yeah, baby?"

"Oh god...OH GOD!"

The orgasm overtook Danny. All he could do was scream, as utter release rocked him to his core.

The first shot of semen pelted Danny's moist chest in a thick, long stream. Roberto didn't slow down, only continued fucking the cum out of his lover. Danny was losing his mind, his hands and feet going numb as he contracted and ejaculated over and over onto his own naked body, splashing messy loads onto his nipples, and down to his belly button. His anal canal tightened like a vise over Roberto's plumbing shaft with every spurt, pushing the mechanic closer to his own climax.

One more thrust and Roberto knew it was time. He pulled out as quickly as he could and scrambled up to Danny's face, threatening to shoot at any time. Grabbing the brunet's hand, he wrapped it around his glans.

Danny didn't need to be told what to do next. He closed his eyes and furiously jacked off his mechanic stud, while milking his tight hairy balls with the other hand.

"Ooh baby DANNY!!"

The first cumshot blasted and landed in a thick streak across Danny's face, from his cheek, over the bridge of his nose, to his other cheek. The second shot repeated this trajectory, before Danny stuck out his tongue and moved in to take Roberto's gushing prick into his wide-open mouth.

"AH FUCK!!"

Danny sucked on his glans ruthlessly, starving for another blast of cum, and yet another. He flicked his tongue all over the head and crown, while working Roberto's shaft and balls tirelessly with his hands. Semen filled his mouth again and again, warm and salty. Some of it escaped from the corner of his lips before he could swallow it down.

"Baby..." Roberto hissed, his breathing hitched. "Easy...easy..."

Danny looked up at his sweaty, trembling man and backed off reluctantly, letting go of his genitals. He saw Roberto bend over and shiver.

Looking down at his cum-blasted boy, the hulking mechanic shook his depleted dick, flinging stray drops of semen onto Danny's chin.

"You want more?" Roberto asked in a gravelly whisper.

"I always want more," Danny answered with innocent eyes.

With a grin, Roberto inched forward and presented his soft, spent cock to his lover. "Gently, baby," he cooed as Danny swallowed him with a satisfied hum. "Gently..."

Danny nodded and nursed the dick caringly, suckling and tasting it like his most beloved treasure. He looked up at Roberto and hoped that his man could feel his love through every slow and thorough suck and kiss.

He took his time with the shaft, then lapped at the musky scrotum, cleaning it of all traces of semen, before swirling his tongue back up to the corona. Circling around the glans, Danny then darted the tip of his tongue into the urethra, triggering convulsions in his man.

Roberto looked down at Danny. He saw his boy busily attending to his drained cock, and ran his hand through Danny's fluffy hair. With his other hand, he traced the younger man's jaw line.

They were happy.

To both of their surprise, Roberto's cock began to twitch back to life in Danny's mouth.

"Umm...omm..." the brunet moaned, hollowing out his cheeks as he sucked with renewed vigour.

"I gotta fuck you again, baby..." Roberto growled. He soaked his hand in the messy loads that covered Danny's stomach, and slid his slimy digits back through his boy's loosened sphincter.

In response, Danny smoothed his hands up Roberto's moist, sculpted torso and squeezed his pecs, all the while deep-throating the growing dick.

After a sublime few minutes, Roberto took his cock out of Danny's sucking mouth with a wet plop. The brunet was flipped onto his side by the mechanic, who then spooned him from behind.

"You like this too, don't ya?" Roberto asked as he penetrated Danny.

The younger bottom gasped in delight, feeling himself stretched open by the steel-hard dick invading his rectum. He grasped Roberto's hand across his chest and held on, whimpering in falsetto.

When the sinewy stud bottomed out inside Danny's asshole, he drew in his boy's slim, smooth body, kissing him on the neck. Then he started thrusting, gently, tenderly, lovingly.

"Oh god..." Danny murmured. He was in heaven. He could feel Roberto's love for him; there was no doubt. He felt his man's lust too, but more than that, he felt his love, his man's desire to please and satisfy and make him happy.

"I'll make love to you like this every night..." the mechanic whispered, kissing in a line up to Danny's earlobe.

It felt so intimate that Danny was sure his beating heart was laid bare, pumping in Roberto's hands.

He pushed back against Roberto's thrusting pelvis, getting that dick inside of him as deeply as possible. Every plunge and withdrawal of that thick shaft inflamed his core and had him yearning for more. Turning his head, he kissed the love of his life until his neck strained.

It felt so good to be loved by his man. Suddenly, he wondered if it was good for Roberto, too.

"Is it good for you?" Danny asked, entwining his fingers with the mechanic's.

Roberto's breath was hot on Danny's ears as he answered, "It's so good, baby..." He enjoyed every moment inside Danny's hot, gripping asshole.

"Don't stop," Danny begged. "Please, don't stop..." He just wanted Roberto's dick to keep taking him, over and over.

Soon, he noticed his lover's rough hand slide down his body, until it wrapped around his own leaking erection. A part of Danny wanted to stop Roberto from manually stimulating him, because he knew he wouldn't last long. But it just felt too good, too good...

"Oh Berto..." Danny began. "OH..."

"I love you, baby," Roberto moaned, matching every stroke on Danny's cock with his anal penetration.

"Oh god, oh...OH I'M CUMMING!!"

Once again, Danny's extremities became numb as blood rushed to his genitals and he climaxed. He yelled the mechanic's name over and over as stars exploded in his vision, while his dick sprayed the bedsheet with slick ejaculate. Having Roberto's prick stab into him relentlessly wrung every last drop of semen out of his body.

"DANNY!" Roberto then shouted. The brunet felt it: a spreading warmth deep inside him, semen flooding his anal canal. The mechanic's thrusts became urgent and syncopated, until he plunged in deep one last time and held himself there, spasming from the stimulation of Danny's contracting chute around his sensitive cockhead.

They trembled wordlessly for a moment, too raw to move, too tired to try. Soon fatigue overtook them and they dozed off.

Several minutes later, Danny awoke with a start. He lifted his head from Roberto's arm and looked back.

The mechanic was asleep. Like many times before, Danny marvelled at how innocent Roberto looked when he was sleeping. The softness in his resting complexion was a world away from the self-assured, smouldering aura he always projected.

After staring at his man for a few more seconds, Danny slowly got up, hoping not to wake Roberto. The mechanic's flaccid penis slid out of his hole, unplugging a stream of gooey cum from his anus.

The brunet dipped a finger into the stream that ran down his inner thigh, then lifted his digit up to his lips for a taste.

Carefully, he tried to get off the bed with minimal fuss, but Roberto awoke and reached for him.

"Where are you going?" the mechanic stud asked, annoyed.

Danny pressed his hand on Roberto's wide, defined chest and replied, "Back to Simon's. All my stuff's there."

"Stay the night," Roberto urged.

His younger lover grazed his neck and shoulder.

"I have to go," Danny insisted. Then he looked down at his own cum-soaked body. "I think I need a shower first, though."

Roberto grinned.

They took a long, languid shower where they cuddled and fondled every crevice of each other's body. By the end of it, Roberto was ready for round three; this time, Danny pushed him away with a laugh and ran out of the shower.

The mechanic watched as Danny dried himself and got dressed.

"You don't believe me?" Roberto asked suddenly, standing naked before his lover.

"Huh?" Danny asked, putting on his shoes.

"You don't believe everything I said?" Roberto asked again.

"I do," Danny asserted. "And do you believe everything I said?" he asked back.

Roberto hesitated. He wouldn't be satisfied with any outcome other than having Danny back at home. But he also knew it wouldn't happen, not right away.

"Do you?" Danny pressed.

Roberto sighed. "I just know I love you, baby," he offered.

"Then believe me," Danny insisted.

He gave Roberto a hug, running his hands through his short, thick hair. Then he let go and walked to the front door.

When he opened it, he turned back once more.

"Just give me some time," Danny said to Roberto.

It was only when he stepped out and closed the door behind him that Danny realized he was shaking. He felt a bit scared: scared of the future, scared of losing Roberto to someone else, scared he'd never actually grow up and find himself.

`Am I doing the right thing?' he thought.

With his forehead pressed against Roberto's front door, Danny concentrated on breathing.

And then he knew. Or, he knew enough. He was sure of this: he wasn't running away from his problems this time. He was going on a journey, to work on himself.

"I'll be back," Danny whispered. Then he lifted his head off the door and started walking.

Et voil� ! That's a wrap! Thank you so much for reading "Mechanics of the Heart". I hope you enjoyed it. It was a labour of love and commitment, and though it was often quite difficult to find the time and energy to write it, I'm happy I saw it through to the end. It was worth the effort! Feel free to write to me at chicostodos@gmail.com; I treasure every piece of feedback I get. Also, I have some ideas on what to write next, and I'm always interested to hear what you'd like to see :) Finally, if you're sad to say goodbye to Danny, Roberto, Simon, Jae, Richie and the others, well, who knows what will happen in the future... ;) If you want to be updated on my future erotic work, make sure to send me an email at chicostodos@gmail.com!