Copyright and Disclaimer: 1. This is a fictional story with fictional characters. 2. No one is to steal this story under any circumstances. 3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it, this isn't the story for you.
Here's part 47 entitled, "I've Got a Secret." Hope you all enjoy!
2008 didn't quite start with the bang that Ryan, Leo, Jesse and Kurt were hoping for. Ryan's been trying to figure out a way to get back with Kurt, Jesse has been desperately trying to find a job while keeping the fact that he got fired a secret from Leo, Leo has been trying to fix the problems that have been going on between him and Jesse, and Kurt has been moping around since Josh broke up with him. Yes, it hasn't been the ideal year for the four guys.
One bright point for Ryan has been that him and his dad have really begun to connect. Since Christmas they have spent the following two weeks seeing each other almost every day and talking about everything from Ryan's childhood, Gordon's upbringing and business, as well as Gordon's kids. One thing however that Gordon has neglected to tell Ryan is the relationship that he has been starting up with Kurt's mom, Monica. Since Gordon and Monica met on Thanksgiving they have been dating secretly. Neither one of them were sure where how things would develop between them so they decided to not tell Kurt and Ryan about it. And speaking of secrets, Ryan has one that he's been neglecting to tell Kurt. He hasn't told anyone that the reason why Josh broke up with Kurt was because he told him to. As much as Ryan liked that Kurt was single again, he didn't like the guilt that was building up in him because of it.
"Hey Kurt, how you doing?" Ryan asked as Kurt came out of his room and into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
"What did I say when you asked me yesterday?" Kurt asked sitting down at the kitchen table with Ryan.
"You said you felt like crap," Ryan replied.
"Well, I feel the same as I did yesterday," Kurt said.
"I'm sorry," Ryan said feeling badly. "But maybe today will be better."
"And why do you think that would be?" Kurt asked. "2008 has started out horribly."
"How about I take the day off of work and we take a walk on the beach and talk?" Ryan suggested.
"I think I'm just going to curl up in bed and wallow in self pity," Kurt sighed.
"No you're not," Ryan said, "Besides I already called in sick to work. So you're spending it with me."
"I appreciate it Ryan, but you don't have to," Kurt said.
"I want to," Ryan replied.
"Fine, I guess so," Kurt said. "Thanks Ryan."
"No problem," Ryan replied. "Now go get dressed and we'll spend some time together."
"Thanks," Kurt said as he got up and headed to his room to get dressed. After Kurt closed the door to his room, Ryan was consumed with a wave of guilt over his part in the break-up of Kurt and Josh. He had to confess to someone.
"Kurt, finish getting ready and I'll be right back," Ryan called out through the door.
"Where are you going?" Kurt asked.
"I need to drop something off at Jesse's place real quick," Ryan replied.
"I'll come with you," Kurt said.
"No, you finish getting ready," Ryan said quickly, "I won't be long."
Ryan then rushed out of the apartment and went to Jesse and Leo's place.
"What are you doing here?" Jesse asked. "Did we have plans?"
"No, I just needed to talk to you," Ryan replied. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, of course," Jesse replied.
Ryan walked in and looked around to see if Leo was anywhere.
"Jesse, I did something bad, and if I don't tell anyone then the guilt is going to kill me," Ryan admitted.
"Wow, and I thought I was dramatic," Jesse quipped, "What's up?"
"Are we alone here?" Ryan asked.
"Leo's asleep in the bedroom," Jesse replied.
"Are you sure? Because I don't want him to over hear me and tell Kurt," Ryan said.
"He's asleep," Jesse assured Ryan, "What's wrong?"
"I went and talked to Josh," Ryan said.
"Today?" Jesse asked confused.
"No, Christmas eve," Ryan replied.
"Weren't you unconscious?" Jesse asked.
"It was after I woke-up," Ryan replied.
"But I thought you spent time with your dad after you woke up?" Jesse asked. "Jesse!" Ryan exclaimed frustrated by Jesse's confusing remarks, "Focus."
"Sorry," Jesse replied, "Continue."
"I told him to break up with Kurt," Ryan said.
"What?" Jesse asked surprised, "Why would you do something like that?"
"I didn't want to see Kurt fall too hard for a guy who's just going to die," Ryan answered.
"Sounds like a noble thing," Jesse said, "Now what's the real reason why you told Josh to break up with Kurt?"
Ryan waited a bit before answering, "I want Kurt back."
"Again?" Jesse asked. "You two are a broken record."
"You're one to talk," Ryan shot back.
"Hey! Leo and I only broke up once," Jesse said, "Haven't you two broke up ten times by now?"
"Twice," Ryan corrected. "But if I can get him back this time I am never going to let him go again."
"But what about the whole reason you two broke up?" Jesse asked.
"I've been thinking about it, and as much as I want kids, I realize that I want Kurt more," Ryan replied.
"So what are you going to do?" Jesse asked.
"I don't know," Ryan replied. "But I have to get him back."
Ryan finally let his secret out and felt good to confess it to Jesse, however, he didn't realize that he revealed his secret to someone else as well because in the bedroom Leo was awake in bed and heard the entire conversation.
When Ryan got back to the apartment Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table dressed and ready to go.
"Are you all set?" Ryan asked.
"Yeah," Kurt replied. "What did you need at Jesse and Leo's?"
"He had a book I wanted to borrow," Ryan replied.
"Where is it?" Kurt asked noticing Ryan's empty hands.
"Oh, damn, I forgot it," Ryan lied. "You ready? Let's go."
Ryan and Kurt then headed out for their day together.
Back at Jesse and Leo's, Leo came out of his room to get some coffee.
"Hey babe, why aren't you ready for work yet?" Leo asked.
"Oh, I thought I would take the day off and spend it with you," Jesse replied.
"That's sweet, but you already took a lot of time off because of Mark," Leo said. "You need to go into the office."
"It's not a big deal," Jesse shrugged.
"No," Leo said. "You need to go to work. Thank you though." Leo then gave Jesse a kiss. "Now go get ready for work."
Jesse went into the bedroom and began to worry about a place he can spend the day since he was now jobless.
Later that day, Ryan and Kurt pulled up the car to the beach. Kurt looked out at the ocean and for the first time felt a calm come over him. He's been so worked up about the break-up with Josh that he never felt relaxed, he was always tense and upset. It was the perfect place for him to be. Kurt just looked over at Ryan smiling and thanked him for taking him out.
"I really needed this," Kurt said as the two got out and began to walk on the sand, by the shore.
"It's the least I can do," Ryan replied. "I didn't like seeing you so sad."
"Yeah, I know I've been really emo lately," Kurt answered. "But I'm going to have to deal with what happened. Josh broke up with me. Nothing I can do about it."
"He didn't mention why he was breaking up with you?" Ryan asked.
"No," Kurt sighed, "He just said it wasn't right."
The two continued walking a couple more minutes before finding a nice quiet place on the beach away from people to sit and relax.
"It's amazing, isn't it?" Kurt asked looking out at the ocean. Ryan turned and looked over at Kurt, not a day goes by where Ryan doesn't find himself in awe over how amazing Kurt is himself.
"Yeah, it is," Ryan replied, only he was referring to Kurt, not the ocean. "Really amazing."
"I don't know what it is about the ocean, but it can always calm me," Kurt said.
"I know what you mean," Ryan replied. He then finally began to work up the courage to tell Kurt he still loved him, "Kurt, I need to tell you something." But before he could continue Kurt began talking.
"You know what's weird?" Kurt asked. "Before Josh broke up with me he said he loved me."
"What?" Ryan asked, caught off guard.
"Yeah," Kurt sighed. "He said he loves me. I didn't say anything back because I was so shocked he said that."
"Wow," Ryan replied, knowing that now was obviously not the time to tell Kurt he wants him back.
"But to be honest, I love him too," Kurt sighed. He then paused, "I'm sorry. Is it weird that I'm telling you this?"
"No, it's fine," Ryan lied. The two grew silent and went back to looking out at the ocean.
After Jesse got dressed he left the apartment, but just wandered around the streets since he had no where to go. He knew he had to eventually tell Leo the truth, but he didn't know how. He never wanted to disappoint Leo. He knew he made mistakes and he knew he screwed up, but he didn't know how to go about fixing the problem. Before he could dwell on it even more though, his phone began to ring, when he looked at the Caller ID his heart pounded when he saw that it was Mark.
"Thank God!" Jesse said picking up the phone, "Where the hell have you been?"
"Jesse, I need help," Mark replied.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Jesse asked.
"I need you to meet me," Mark replied.
"Where?" Jesse asked.
Later that day, Kurt and Ryan came home from the beach. Ryan decided he was going to cook Kurt a good meal so he headed out to the grocery store. While Ryan was out, Leo came over.
"Kurt, we tell each other everything, right?" Leo asked trying to hint at the secret he had to tell Kurt.
"Yeah," Kurt replied.
"So if one of us knew something the other should know, we would tell each other, right?" Leo asked.
"Always," Kurt replied confused.
"Kurt, I over heard something and I'm not sure if I should tell you or not," Leo said.
"You can't say something like that and then not tell me," Kurt said. "What is it?"
"I found something out and it involves you," Leo replied.
"Stop with the suspense and just tell me," Kurt said.
"Well, I found out that Ryan is the reason that Josh broke up with you," Leo confessed.
"What?" Kurt asked, the last comment getting his full attention. "What do you mean?"
"Apparently he talked to Josh and voiced his concerns about you dating him because he's dying," Leo replied.
"Please tell me you're joking," Kurt said, hoping that it wasn't true that Ryan would really do something like that.
"But when you hear why he did it, you're going to be flattered," Leo said quickly, he didn't intend to get Ryan in trouble, he hoped that it would help the two of them get back together.
"I don't care why he did it," Kurt said immediately, "He ruined the best thing I had going for me in a long time."
"No, but you should really here why he did it," Leo said trying to defend Ryan.
"Leo, I said I don't care," Kurt said quickly getting up and heading to the door.
"Where are you going?" Leo asked.
"I'm going to go to the hospital and see Josh," Kurt replied. "Maybe I can fix the mess Ryan made. He never heard me say that I love him, he needs to know that I do."
"Kurt, wait!" Leo called out, but Kurt quickly left to hurry to the hospital and see Josh. Leo felt horrible, things didn't go the way he planned them too.
Jesse hurried over to the apartment address that Mark gave him and knocked urgently on the door. When Mark opened the door Jesse immediately noticed the black eye he was now sporting and the cuts and bruises that were visible on his body.
"Oh my God," Jesse said, "What the hell happened?"
"I'm so sorry for being such a screw up," Mark sighed.
"Don't worry about that now, just tell me what happened," Jesse replied. Mark let Jesse inside the apartment he was staying in. The apartment was about as small as a walk in closet, filthy with torn up furniture a dirty mattress in the corner of the room and the only window in the apartment was broken. "Jesse, you're living like this?"
"I know it's nothing special, but it's all I have," Mark replied.
"What the hell happened?" Jesse asked, he then noticed how thin Mark looked compared to the last time he saw him on Thanksgiving.
"I made a lot of bad decisions," Mark replied. "After I left on Thanksgiving I went to Bryce Roberts for help."
"Bryce Roberts?" Jesse asked. "How do you know Bryce Roberts?"
"That's who I worked for before when I got you into trouble for manslaughter," Mark admitted.
"What?" Jesse asked. "You said you were just out screwing around with your friends."
"I was on a job for Bryce," Mark replied.
"What kind of job?" Jesse asked.
"He sells drugs," Mark replied. "And I deliver and sell for him."
"Mark," Jesse sighed disappointed. "What were you thinking?"
"I know," Mark sighed, "But when I first started it was such an easy way to make good money."
"If it's such good money then why do you live here?" Jesse asked.
"Because I got out," Mark replied. "I couldn't do it anymore."
"You did?" Jesse asked proud.
"Yeah and I moved in here a week ago cause it was the only place I could afford," Mark replied.
"Where did the bruises come from?" Jesse asked.
"Bryce sent some guys over to show what would happen to me if I snitched on him," Mark replied.
"Are you okay?" Jesse asked.
"Physically I'm okay," Mark replied. "But I just feel like an idiot."
"Well you are," Jesse said with a smile. For the first time in a long time Mark smiled a little bit too.
"I'm sorry Jesse," Mark sighed.
"It's okay," Jesse replied. "I'm glad you called me. Mom and Dad are worried about you."
"I should see them," Mark said. "Beg for mercy."
"They won't give you a hard time," Jesse replied. "They're just going to be so happy to see you in one piece."
"Hope so," Mark said.
"Why did you leave Mark?" Jesse asked. "You were doing so good. What happened?"
"I overheard you and Leo," Mark replied.
"What are you talking about?" Jesse asked.
"On Thanksgiving I heard you tell Leo that if I had one screw up you would kick me out," Mark replied.
"Oh," Jesse said guiltily, "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be," Mark replied. "I don't blame you for thinking I would screw up. It's what I do."
"No, I shouldn't have said that," Jesse said. "Leo was just upset because I was neglecting the wedding plans.
Still am actually."
"Why?" Mark asked.
"I lost me job," Jesse replied, first time he's ever told anyone.
"What?" Mark asked shocked. "Isn't that something that usually happens to me?"
"I just got so consumed with trying to find you that I didn't go into work," Jesse replied.
"So it's my fault," Mark realized. "I'm so sorry Jesse. I just screw everything up."
"It's not your fault, it's mine," Jesse replied. "But I'll figure things out. You're the only person I've told."
"I am?" Mark asked. "You haven't told Leo?"
"No," Jesse replied. "I couldn't. Things are so shaky between us already."
"I'm sorry bro," Mark said.
"It will be fine," Jesse replied. "Now get packed and I'll take you to Mom and Dad's place."
"All right," Mark said. He then hugged Jesse tightly, "Thank you for coming."
"You're my brother," Jesse replied. "I would do anything for you."
It only took most of their lives, but Jesse and Mark finally realized how much they need one another.
When Kurt got to the hospital he rushed to Josh's room, but when he went inside it was empty. The bed was perfectly made, all of Josh's belongings were gone.
"Excuse me," Kurt said stopping a nurse who walked by, "Where's Josh Dennison?"
"Oh, were you a friend of his?" the nurse asked.
"You can say that," Kurt replied. "Did he go home? Or did he move to another room?"
"I'm sorry," the nurse replied, "I guess you didn't hear."
"Didn't hear what?" Kurt asked even though he had a feeling he already knew the answer.
"He passed away yesterday," the nurse said sadly. "I'm so sorry."
"What happened?" Kurt asked. "He seemed to be doing fine the last time I saw him."
"I don't know," the nurse replied. "He just seemed sad, like he was giving up."
When Kurt heard those words he felt lightheaded and needed to sit down.
"Are you okay?" the nurse asked noticing that Kurt looked like he was about to faint.
"I'm fine," Kurt replied, "I have to go." Kurt quickly rushed out of the hospital. He didn't feel sadness, not yet at least, all he was consumed with was anger, anger towards Ryan.
When James and Mark pulled up to their parents house they both sat there staring at the house. Mark was hesitant to make a move.
"You want me to come in with you?" Jesse asked.
"No," Mark replied. "I have to start taking responsibility and standing on my own two feet. Thanks though."
"Anytime," Jesse answered.
"You should go and tell Leo about your job situation," Mark suggested. "If there's one thing I've learned, you don't want to go through tough situations alone. You need the people who care about you."
"I know," Jesse sighed. "Thanks."
"All right," Mark said getting out of the car and taking out his suitcase, "Wish me luck."
"Good luck," Jesse said as Mark shut the car door. Jesse waited and watched Mark walk up the driveway of their parents' house. Mark waited at the front door for a moment. Jesse waited tensely wondering how their mom and dad would react to seeing Mark. Jesse then saw his mom open the door and quickly embrace Mark tightly. Jesse smiled and drove away knowing that Mark would be okay.
Meanwhile, Ryan was busy in the kitchen cooking and waiting for Kurt to come home. He decided that tonight would be the night he was going to tell Kurt how much he loves him still, little did he know though, that as Kurt entered the front door, declarations of love were the last things he wanted to hear from Ryan.
"Kurt, thank God you're home," Ryan began, but Kurt slammed the door and glared at him, his eyes red from tears he cried over Josh's death. "Is something wrong?"
"Are you seriously asking me such a stupid question?" Kurt asked pissed.
"What's wrong?" Ryan asked confused.
"What's wrong? Well, let's see here; I found out that Josh died yesterday, he died alone and with no one by his side, he died with out me being there for him, he died not knowing that I loved him, and I found out he broke up with me because apparently my jerk ex-boyfriend told him too! And who was that jerk ex-boyfriend of mine? Oh yeah, it was YOU!"
"How did you find out?" Ryan asked.
"It doesn't matter," Kurt replied. "Is it true that you told Josh to break up with me?"
"Yes," Ryan reluctantly replied, "But can I explain why?"
"No, I don't want to hear it," Kurt said. "I can't believe you did this to me Ryan."
"Kurt, please let me explain why," Ryan begged.
"No," Kurt shot back, "You somehow managed to break my heart by not even being with me. As far as I'm concerned you and I are finished."
"What?" Ryan asked.
"As of this moment, I want nothing to do with you," Kurt replied.
"You don't mean that," Ryan shook his head.
"Yes I do," Kurt replied. "You can still live here, but as far as I'm concerned we have nothing more to say to each other."
"Kurt, please just let me explain," Ryan said.
"Ryan, Josh is dead," Kurt said, "There is nothing you can say that can take back what you did to my relationship with him."
"There has to be something I can do to make this up to you," Ryan pleaded.
"There is," Kurt replied. "Never talk to me again."
Kurt then went into his room and slammed the door behind him.
Over at Leo and Jesse's place, Leo was on his computer looking at locations for his and Jesse's wedding when Jesse came home.
"Hey," Leo said. "I took the plunge and started planning our wedding. I hope you don't mind."
"It's fine," Jesse replied.
"How was work?" Leo asked.
"Leo, I need to tell you something," Jesse replied.
"What is it?" Leo asked turning away from his computer to give Jesse his full attention.
"We can't plan the wedding yet," Jesse said.
"Why?" Leo asked.
"I haven't been completely honest with you about something," Jesse replied.
"What?" Leo asked concerned.
Jesse wanted to tell Leo, he wanted to be honest with him, he wanted to share his problems with Leo, but his pride and embarrassment over getting fired was too much.
"Things are just really busy at work right now," Jesse replied. "I don't have time to plan a wedding now. I'm sorry."
"Oh," Leo sighed, disappointed.
"I'm going to go to bed," Jesse said as he got up and went into the bedroom feeling horrible for keeping such a huge secret from Leo.
To Be Continued...
With any comments, questions or feedback please e-mail me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com. Thanks!