Robert's Revelations Chapter 5
Robert's Revelations
This story is set in rural England in 1982. It is, obviously, written in British English with British words and spellings. The cultural references are also from that time and place so I hope that references to cars, TV shows or music won't spoil the story for those who don't know them. Follow the links provided for more information or just ignore them. (And yes, I know you can use a search engine just as well as I can. The links are for convenience, not to insult anyone.)
As always, this is fiction and any resemblance to real people is coincidental. In some chapters controversial opinions will be expressed. Please remember they are the characters' opinions, not the author's. Some are opinions I profoundly disagree with but I've tried to state them fairly, not parody them.
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Chapter Five – Hands On
“You know, I'm a bit jealous of you two” remarked David. “I'm the only one who hasn't got off yet tonight.”
“Well if you like transgressive fantasies I don't mind being Billy Price for you.” said a voice. My voice! Did I really just say that? The gin must be working its magic. “I'm sure that'd be fun to watch,” this voice continued, “and I'd love to see Billy's face if he knew, he'd freak out! Not that he ever can know, obviously,” I added seeing David's face, “I like my head the shape it is.”
“You are feeling better, aren't you?” he replied. “Good, I'm glad, I was worried. Well, fantasies are fine but I like transgressive actions better. I thought maybe you could help me. But seriously, only if you really want to, no pressure, I've pushed you enough tonight. If you want a show I'll give you a show but I hoped you might like to get hands on.”
I felt like I'd touched a live wire, shaky and disoriented. Hands on? Did that mean what I thought? But how could it? “What about Tony?” I asked, nervously. “Won't he mind?”
“We talked about that” said Tony. “There's one thing you're not going to do to either of us, and we won't do it to you either. You'll have to get that elsewhere if you want it. Well, two actually, we won't kiss you on the mouth either. But we decided that for us, anything else is just playing and it's fine. Could be quite hot to watch, actually.”
“So what do you say, stud?” asked David. “You want to rip these shorts off and show me a good time?”
Oh my God did I ever! The school heart-throb would just lie back and let me do what I want and this was a QUESTION? No, it wasn't. Reality came crashing back. The question is do I want to face the implications of answering it? If that makes any kind of sense. My libido does, my conscience doesn't. Oh, and by the way, I'm scared shitless! I should have had more gin.
David watched my face carefully. “Seriously, Rob, no pressure, whatever you want is fine. But remember what we said. No G word. It's fun, not fucking, and you wouldn't be the first boy to experiment. And what happens here stays here. No-one will ever know.”
“What if I don't like it? Or I'm no good?” I think I'm losing the war with myself. Now I'm just looking for excuses and playing for time. Why does he have to look so good?
“It's not an exam, Rob, just do what feels right. And if you don't like it just stop. You've learned something about yourself and we're all just friends.”
I was sitting in one armchair, Tony in the other. David was sprawled on the couch. Suddenly the image of Billy Price's contemptuous sneering face came into my mind as, I don't know, sort of a contrast or something. And it made me angry. Really angry. Furious, in fact. I think, now, that I suddenly realised that this bullying moron, and the attitude he represented, had made me too scared to be honest with myself for the last two years or so. And made me confused and unhappy in ways I never understood because I was taking a false belief totally for granted. And would have continued to do so if not for David's 'reverse bullying' if I can call it that. But this was a feeling, not an articulate thought, directed at Billy's face but really all our cultural norms and my own inhibitions and if I put the feeling into words it would be 'screw you, you don't tell me what I can't do.' And then the brakes came off, all the way off.
Two seconds later I was kneeling in front of the couch yanking David's shorts down and off and I threw them across the room. He was wearing the same style of briefs as on Tuesday, but a darkish red this time. But not for long. I reached up and grabbed the sides with my hands and yanked down, hard. David gasped with surprise as he slid forward. I ripped his briefs right off over his feet and threw them away. Then I stared. His turn to be naked while I'm dressed.
He looked shaken. “Jesus, Robbie, calm down! You're like a wild man, it's scary. There's plenty of time, I'm not going anywhere. You look like you want to kill me!”
That broke the mood and I did calm down a bit. I grinned ruefully. “Not you. Maybe some other people. Sorry. I'm better now.” I looked him over. “So, what can I....”
“Anything you want, Rob. Just go with the flow.”
Anything I want, eh? You're pretty sure of yourself aren't you? Well, the mood I'm in now I might just surprise you, you cocky arrogant tosser.
He lay back, sprawling on the sofa invitingly, open to whatever I wanted to do. Except for Tony's two exceptions presumably. But if that means what I think it does I'm not going there tonight. I mean, or any night, that's horrible. Playing's one thing but even 'wild man' Robbie won't do some things, sensible boy Robert is scandalised enough already.
But curious boy Rob is.... well, curious. I knelt down in front of the sofa and tentatively put my hands on his thighs. They were smooth and firm and slightly hairy, but not grossly so. The parts I was really curious about lay there soft, vulnerable and inviting a little higher up. But why was I... No, Rob, play now think later I told myself sternly. I cupped his testicles in my left hand. They were both hotter and heavier than I would have expected. I lifted his penis with my right and squeezed gently. Soft and spongy. Well, it would be. It was weird touching a boy like this. Surreal when that boy is the school heart-throb all the girls want.
But he seemed to like it. It didn't stay soft and spongy for long. I felt it grow and harden in my hand as his scrotum tightened and my left hand found itself empty. I wrapped my right hand around the shaft and started stroking the way I do to myself. That was really strange, feeling something in one place only that I always feel in two.
I soon got into a rhythm and after a few minutes his breathing got deeper and I could see the need in his face. A need that conjured some previously unknown inner demon, because I slowed right down. “Oh, please” he moaned softly.
Payback time. Now who's calling the shots?
I slowed even more and loosened my grip. “Please what? Now I'm in charge and you're naked and helpless and you need me.” I squeezed the shaft and, suddenly inspired, leant forward and teased the base of the head with my tongue. I expected a fishy taste but there was nothing. He groaned. “Payback time! If you want to come I'll make you come.” I went back to normal speed for a couple of seconds, then slowed again. “But you have to beg for it. Come on, big guy, you want it, fucking beg for it you bastard!” Wow, Mr Demon, I never knew you existed! I'm shocked by my own behaviour.
Tony was leaning forward in his chair watching avidly. Now he laughed out loud. “Well, Dave, you said you wanted to bring him out of his shell. Do you think maybe you've done that now? Man, this is HOT!”
“Alright, alright, you win” David surrendered. “I want it, I need it, please make me come, I'm begging you.”
I kept going slowly with my right hand. With one finger of the left I smeared the clear fluid that was oozing out all around the head. “Please make me come SIR, I'm begging you SIR. Say it!” Oh my lord where did that come from? I'll be lucky if he doesn't punch me!
But he didn't. He was getting desperate. “Oh God. Please make me come SIR, I'm begging you SIR. Is that enough for you?”
“Of course it is. It'll be a pleasure. You only had to ask.” I tightened my grip and went back to normal speed. It wasn't long before he got really hard and then ejaculate spurted out of him. Three long bursts and then a few smaller ones.
His breathing got lighter and slower and he looked down at the mess on his stomach and torso. “Oh my God, that was intense! Where the hell did you learn that?” He looked up at me. Now who looks like a puppy with its master?
“Nowhere” I admitted, pleased with myself. “I just made it up as I went along. Was I good then?”
“You could say that” he said drily.
Tony came back in with the kitchen roll and bin so David could clean himself up. He shucked the soccer shorts, revealing surprisingly untrendy light blue y-fronts, and pulled on his jeans and shirt. “Let's save the post-mortem for later. I'll make us some more coffee and then it's nearly nine o'clock.”
David got dressed and I put my shirt on. Tony brought us coffee and we settled down in front of the TV. The show turned out to be a repeat. The last season ended in 1980 but after a two year gap they were making a new one for later this year and now were repeating series four to whet our appetites. Still good though, we've had long enough to forget what happens and guns, Russians, fast cars and suspense make an entertaining programme.
After it finished David made yet more coffee. I declined because it keeps me awake and making me hot chocolate seemed to amuse him. Well, I suppose he's got a reason to stay awake in bed, I haven't.
David went upstairs and came back with a handful of magazines which he handed to me. “I can't remember which article I was thinking of earlier but have a look through these sometime. I think you'll find them interesting.”
I looked at them. 'Gay News' and something called 'Mancunian Gay' of all things. “Where did you get these?” I asked. “Manchester's a long way to go for the papers isn't it?”
“My cousin gets them for me. He's not gay but he's cool with it, and he's a raging lefty so he says anyone Mrs Thatcher hates that much must be doing something right. He surprised me and Tony once but he kept his mouth shut. I think he sees me as a fellow subversive or something. Or more like he enjoys pretending to.
“Family parties are a riot when they get on to politics. My dad thinks Mrs Thatcher is just what the country needs. Jeremy hates her. Dad says he might feel different if he was paying taxes instead of living off other people's. Uncle Steve just sits there winding them both up, calling Dad Mr Gradgrind and telling Jeremy he'll be voting Tory before he's twenty-five. Dad calls Uncle Steve 'big brother' and says anyone who joins the Liberal Party and drives a Citroen CX is being different for the sake of it. It's the only thing he and Jeremy agree about. And if I hear one more joke about Jeremy Thorpe.....
“Anyway, Jeremy's at uni in Manchester and he buys these and sends them to me. He says it's his contribution to undermining the bourgeoisie. I think he's joking.”
“Hang on” I said. “I thought Tony said your parents were Liberals too?”
“Different sort of liberal. Small L. Dad votes for the economy and law and order but he doesn't care what people do. He couldn't understand all that fuss about 'Life of Brian' a couple of years ago, said if people don't like the film they don't have to watch it.”
“Oh, I see. But why are you giving me gay stuff? Are you trying to say something?” I asked defensively, as if a certain twenty minutes was an aberration that somehow didn't happen.
“I think you've said it pretty loud yourself by now haven't....” Tony began. He sounded offended but David interrupted him.
“Alright Tony, not now.” He turned to me. “I'm saying you have gay friends, at least. Well I hope we're friends. You care about your friends and want to understand them don't you?
“You can be whatever you are and choose to be. You can even pretend to be something you're not. It's your life. If you're gay be gay, or spend your life lying to yourself, it's up to you. If you're bi then great, double the choice. If you're just a broad-minded boy who likes to play around sometimes that's fine too. You don't have to decide it tonight, I fought it at first.”
Why does he keep making me feel like I want to cry? Is he offering me something I wish I wanted but don't? Or something I don't have the courage to face up to wanting? I remind myself he's only offering friendship, plus limited messing around. His real feelings are for Tony. Or is that what's upsetting me? This emotional confusion is giving me a pain in my gut. I wish I could understand it.
“Yes, sorry, you're right.” I said. “I'll read the magazines to understand my friends. And maybe that will help me to understand myself sometime.”
“It'll come, don't try to force it. And now us two growing boys need our beauty sleep, don't we Tony?”
Tony grinned, wolfishly. “I'm a growing boy when I remember you begging for it! That was awesome. Don't think you'll be sleeping any time soon! But it's definitely bed time.”
David's embarrassed grin reappeared. “Whatever. Well, good night Rob. Come up when you want to. You know where the drinks are in the kitchen don't you? Do you want any food? There's stuff in the fridge and freezer if you do. I'm sure you can work the microwave. See you in the morning.”
They went upstairs and I realised I was quite hungry. I found a pork pie in the fridge. That plus a small can of beans made an excellent supper. I made another mug of hot chocolate and settled down to read until I got tired.
It took me a long time to get tired, though, and I really struggled to concentrate. I kept imagining what the others might be doing and wanting to gatecrash their room and join in. But I knew I wouldn't be welcome. When I finally went upstairs all was quiet. They must have been asleep.
Chapter 6 coming soon.