Running Thoughts

By moc.loa@livedywrB

Published on Nov 27, 1999

Gay

Hello and welcome to the tenth segment of my little story. A lot has been building up in the past few chapters... and this one will be building on them more! :) It would be nice to conclude the tension and the confusion with one long chapter, but that's never the way that life goes. So, you will have to develop with me. I hope that is acceptable! I wish to thank all of you who read this and get something from it. Why else do we write if not to help ourselves and others? The storyline mentioned is completely fictional and I do not mean to insinuate anything about the celebrities involved. If they ever get a copy of this, I am currently single and I like long walks late at night. :) E-mail me with anything at BrwyDevil@aol.com. Kevin.

Running Thoughts Part Ten: "Almost Paradise"

Lance and Kevin opened up the pizza box and watched the steam waft off into the air. They were both very hungry and it had taken a long time for the delivery boy to find the back entrance to Madison Square Garden.

"I knew we should have just gone out for chinese food..." Lance commented as he grabbed a paper plate and pulled a slice of pizza from the cardboard box.

"This is much better." Kevin ate a piece of pepperoni, "Besides, everyone else is getting chinese food. It's much better to be different."

They fell silent as they devoured the food in front of them. No one else had come back inside yet. A bodyguard had been assigned to each group that went out to eat. Kevin and Lance decided it would be best to stick around and order in. They were getting along quite well- even though Kevin didn't think he was going to enjoy this joint concert at all.

"What would you like to drink, man?" Lance asked as he stood up.

"That depends on which songs we're doing after lunch... I don't want to kill my voice with anything carbonated." Kevin put his plate down and lifted up a napkin. "I love Dr.Pepper but I think I am going to have to go with water..."

"Good choice." Lance walked over to a small refrigerator that was well stocked in the dressing room. He lifted out a bottle of water and a bottle of Sprite. He looked down at his soda and smiled. "I am in the mood for one of these... so I just hope I don't belch in the middle of any of my numbers."

"It's a gamble!" Kevin laughed, taking his water from Lance with a nod. "I have a question for you..." he said after a few more bites. "Why is it that we decided to stay here while the rest of the guys split up and left?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that we barely know each other and we're here together. Isn't that a little odd?" Kevin took a sip of his water and put the cap back on.

"Not really. We worked well together on the stage today. We can get to know each other, can't we?"

"Sure. Sure we can. But what's the point? After this weekend, we may never see each other again."

Lance sat back down and picked up his food. He thought for a moment and shook his head. "Just because you meet someone once, doesn't mean you shouldn't take advantage of learning about them. I am a friendly guy... maybe I just like talking to new people."

"Makes sense to me, I guess."

"Besides, who's to say we'll never meet up again?" Lance sighed.

Kevin tore apart a piece of his crust and ate it. He thought about what Lance had just said. It was true that this was just a coincidental happenstance. There was no reason to ever work with N'Sync. It was a one in a million mistake made by the scheduling teams. After the concert, they could never be together until some awards show where they would be seated far apart from each other.

Kevin started thinking about Nick and Justin. They were obviously flirting with each other. During one of the numbers, they had chosen each other as dance partners and pretty much forgot that anyone else was around them. It was great to see both of them together. Even if it was a very bizarre relationship they were starting. Kevin was a little jealous of their luck. He didn't know if Justin was gay or not, but he did see all of the signs to indicate it.

~What's going to happen when we have to separate those two?~ Kevin thought to himself. He put down his water and stared out into space. ~What's going to happen after tonight?~

============================================================================== =================

Chris put down his newspaper and moved his seat back as the old waitress placed a plate down in front of him. He nodded to her and looked to his food. He was not normally a fan of salad but he had decided to try some today. He took a sip of coffee (which he recognized was not the best beverage to go with a salad) and lifted the fork up from the table.

"Eating alone?" Joey asked as he walked over to the table.

"Hey, how did you find me?"

"I was just passing by and I saw you at this table." Joey motioned at a very large window behind Chris' seat. He pulled a chair over and sat down across from his friend. "Salad?" he asked.

"Yeah. I don't know why I ordered it. Have you eaten yet?" he asked as he ate a forkful of lettuce.

"I tried a hot dog from one of those vendors."

"New York has a lot of those... how was it?" Chris asked.

"Edible, I think. But I am not sure..." Joey smiled and put his elbows up on the table. He looked very tired. "I don't think it was very filling."

"Well, get something before we have to go back in. I don't want you feinting from malnutrition..." Chris took another sip of his luke warm coffee and grimaced. Joey signaled the waitress and leaned back in his chair. The older lady teetered over to their table and smiled.

"Can I get a bacon cheeseburger platter, please." he titled his head slightly. She chomped down on her chewing gum and acknowledged his order happily. When she was back in the kitchen, Joey scratched under his nose and focused back on Chris. "So, how do you think this concert is going to go?"

"That seems to be the big question... I really can't answer it. We're all talented guys. We can either work well together or fail miserably. After tonight, we'll see the results."

"How about you, though? Are you ready to do this?"

"I am confident. We haven't screwed up yet!" Chris ate some more lettuce.

"I am just a little lost, I guess." Joey stretched his arms out behind his head. "I know we are doing all of the same old stuff... but I don't feel the same. I just have a feeling that something is going to go wrong."

"Maybe you are just nervous about that letter from our stalker."

"We've gotten those before. I am not too surprised that she is back- if it is a she. I just think that working with those BackStreet Boys might not go as smoothly as we are planning."

"Well as usual, I am the optimist of the group." Chris sat back in the chair. "I do not think you need to concern yourself with all of this stress until we know for a fact that we're in trouble."

"And when will we know that?"

"As soon as the audience sees all ten of us on stage together."

They both smiled. It was really just going to be another night. After all, as soon as the concert was over, their stresses could dissolve. Did it matter what the press had to say or whether or not columnists decided to focus on it as a media event? Of course not. This was going to generate excitement and experience. That was all that they needed. A change of pace. A flourish of creativity. The aftermath wasn't on their mind. Yet.

The food finally arrived and the meal proceeded in silence. Joey had always been a strict follower of his mothers rules. "Never talk with your mouth full." And since he was so hungry, his mouth was always full. Chris continued looking down at the newspaper and finishing the ice cold coffee in front of him. When the plates were wiped clean, they both leaned back in their seats and smiled.

"That's the kind of meal I always need." Joey said.

"Too much beef will kill you. How many bacon cheeseburgers can you eat in a week?" Chris clucked and scratched his chin.

"Well, let's see... 7 days in a week... 21 meals all together... I guess that's how many!"

The little waitress made her way over and grinned down at them. She took the pencil from behind her ear and tallied up their bill. She winked to Chris and slid it across to him. "Thanks sweetheart." she chomped her gum.

Chris opened the leather billfold and lifted the check out. A slip of paper fell from behind the little booklet onto the table. Joey reached across and lifted it up. He unfolded the worn piece of looseleaf to see darkened letters in black magic marker.

"You know I will be there." It said.

============================================================================== ==============

It was a very quaint little chinese restaurant. The tablecloths were bright red and silver candelabras lined the dark brown walls. Most of the customers were well-dressed and very prestigious. The door opened and Nick and Justin stepped in. They were in their best jeans and casual clothes as the maitre'd approached them. Every head in the restaurant was turned.

"Can I help you?" the manager asked. Many of the faces were very shocked to see poorly dressed teenagers trying to get a table in a posh upscale place such as this. Little did they know whom they were dealing with.

"A table for two, please." Nick said in a very serious tone.

"There is a dress code here." the little man snorted and put his hands behind his back.

"That's good to hear. But we're in a rush... I promise we won't bother anyone with our lack of neckties." Nick responded softly. He wasn't interested in causing a scene. He was just hungry and this seemed like a good place to eat.

"No, no sir. A tie isn't necessary. Perhaps a sports coat or suit jacket." the maitre'd grinned halfheartedly.

"Well, as you can see, we are not attired with that... so do you have a menu we can look at? Maybe we'll just order it to go." Justin asked.

"This is not a take-out establishment,son." There was great disdain in his voice when he said that. "You can go down the block to some little place if that's what you're looking for."

"You don't want our business?" Nick raised his eyebrow.

"We don't want to take away from anyone else's dining experience. I am afraid you are disrupting our patrons and I must ask you to leave."

There was a little bit of rustling amongst the people but that didn't stop Nick. He had once worked as a busboy in a restaurant back at home in Jamestown, NY and he knew what it was like to be looked down upon. Now he felt it might be the right moment to lash out against the snobbish upper-class. Not physically... but where it really hurt. In the wallet.

"I suppose you're right." he raised his voice and grinned to Justin who looked very surprised and uncomfortable. "I guess we don't deserve to sit in here. I guess we ought to go find a little hole in the wall and scrounge around for food." he started towards the exit. He heard a few laughs behind him and he smiled slyly to himself. "And its a good thing I'm not famous, or something... Or I'd spread the word to every fan of mine that this restaurant should be boycotted." He spun back around and winked at Justin who was biting his lower lip. "Oh wait... do I have that power anyway?" Nick looked down at one of the menus by the front door. Ming Chou's Garden it said. "We'll just have to wait and see. Enjoy your meal everyone." And they were outside in a flash.

"Where the hell do you get the balls to do that?" Justin giggled so hard he nearly toppled over as they walked quickly down the avenue.

"It's not balls, really. They were treating us like shit, so I stood up for us."

"That was the funniest thing ever."

"Well, you haven't seen me naked yet." Nick chuckled. There was a slight pause and they realized they weren't walking anymore. It had obviously been a joke but it went a lot deeper than that. Justin grinned and looked back into the amazing blue eyes that he could never get enough of.

"Why would you be funny if you were naked?"

"I was kidding. I didn't mean you would ever actually see me naked." Nick was growing quite red and he looked away quickly. Justin darted his neck in the direction of Nick's eyes and locked the gaze once more.

"And why not?" Justin smiled. "I did tell you that my ex wasn't a woman. Aren't you going to ask me anything about that? Or should I just shut up right now?"

"No. I know you don't like talking about your ex... your ex-boyfriend..." he said slowly. "Is that right?"

Justin made sure that the street was relatively deserted and he nodded. "Yeah- that's the best way to put it."

Nick felt his stomach tighten up. He refused to accept that he was falling in love like this. Could it finally be happening for him? He felt a sudden vibration in his pelvis and he shuddered. He didn't know that could happen! Oh wait. It was only his beeper. He had set the timer and it was going off. "We have 15 minutes to eat, Justin."

They never broke eye contact. They never seemed to move on from here in the conversation. They both wanted to- but they didn't know how. It wasn't easy knowing how to say the right words. How to incorporate what they were feeling. Justin slowly moved his hand over to where Nick's hand was and grazed the back of it with his fingertips.

"Let's go find a little pizza place." he said. "I know you like pizza better than chinese food anyway."

"How did you know that?" Nick started walking again and Justin quickly caught up.

"I have my ways."

============================================================================== ==============

Screaming fans echoed across the Garden. The concert had finally arrived. The unsuspecting fans weilded homemade oaktag signs praising N'Sync and waved t-shirts and pictures of the group in their hands. They were unaware that after the first number was completed, the BackStreet Boys were going to make an appearance. Hopefully, they would enjoy that.

Backstage, Justin looked in the lengthy mirror and fixed the hem of his leather pants. He pulled them down over his shiny black shoes and smoothes out the creases in his white shirt. So far, he was ready to go out there. Everyone was a little nervous. There was a lot of variables involved. Joey fixed his hair and leaned against the stage door. They were running behind schedule as usual, but the concert would be starting at any moment.

"You okay?" Lance asked Justin. He was wearing a dark red tank top and loose-fitting black pants. He was already sweating.

"Sure. I'm ready to be swooned over." Justin smiled. Everyone overheard him and laughed either with him or at him, depending on their mood.

There was now an explosion of applause and yelling as the announcer came over the speakers and began to give instructions regarding emergency procedures and what not. There was a slight lull and all of the members of N'Sync lined up together and prepared to go out onto the stage. They grinned at one another and nodded their luck around. The announcer screamed out their names and introduced them to the stage.

Chris pushed on the door and came running out, followed by the rest of the group. The decibal level of the screaming reached a new height as they were finally seen on the stage. The musicians waited a moment for the crowd to settle down, but the crowd never did. It got louder.

"Hello New York!" JC yelled into his microphone. The teenaged fans screamed their replies and greetings back in one gigantic unison of sound. The music picked up and their newest song slowly began to play. This silenced much of the crowd since they had been anticipating this.

It was a slow melody that wafted through the air and then a steady beat was picked up by the drummer. Justin stepped forward and sang out to the crowd:

I said I'd do what I could do

I said it all but all to who?

The truth of this is never seen

Not by those who count, I mean

And what else can they want of me?

I've done the deeds. I'm still not free.

His melismatic tones caused sensational screams from the audience. The speakers blasted all across the Garden as the five part harmony picked up and the other four boys stopped doing their slow dance and sang:

What now? After all I have done

What more? Nothing left but to run

In this

I've had the most I can take

In time

The remorse has to break...

Why did this happen? How could we let it?

There's nothing more

But to go

I must go

Their voices carried into the dressing room where the BackStreet Boys were intently listening on. Nick was standing right next to the door and listening for Justin's voice. He smiled whenever he heard it. Another solo began and Nick was pretty sure it was mot Justin this time.

I said I'd do what I could do

That limits passed and through

You can't deny what's true

Not now

We have shared so much

Not here

At this point when we can touch

Its hard to say farewell

Its easy to hold on

Its better not to move

Its best to right the wrong

The audience waited as each voice slowly filled itself in and the five boys were crooning away together. The tempo remained steady and Justin walked across the front of the stage and reached out to the adoring fans in the first few rows. They nearly passed out as the song came to a sweet finish.

And so

The end is bittersweet

We know

We'll never be complete

I said that when we begun-

but what I could do....

all I could do...

was done.

At the final chord, the screaming commensed and the 5 guys took their bow. They were quite pleased that the song was a success. But knowing how faithful their fans were, they would probably get an extreme ovation if they sang TV commercials at each concert. Lance stepped forward and brought the microphone up to his lips. He waited for the people to calm down a little bit.

"Hey everyone! I'm happy we could be here with you all tonight! And because we love each other so much... We got you a surprise." He explained. There was another explosion of applause. Lance laughed and looked to his friends behind him who were starting to look a little nervous- but it was very subdued for the sake of the audience. "We have some friends backstage that would like to join us up here for our concert."

"That's right." Justin stepped up. "And we just wanted to make sure it was all right with you first."

The audience clapped louder and screamed longer. It was a shock that these music groups weren't deaf after doing a show. Chris moved forward and was about to speak when he stopped himself and looked to Lance for help. (He was still unable to get out all the things he wanted to say... hopefully, that would change with time.)

"So, guys and gals... I want all of you to put your hands together for some great friends of ours." Lance gestured for the stage door and paused for intensity. "The BackStreet Boys!" He called out. The audience was so surprised they didn't know how to react until they saw the other five boys run onto the stage. It was nearly a chorus of "Oh My God!"

No one was disappointed to see them with N'Sync. It was like two concerts for the price of one. The screaming was earth-shattering. Well, almost. Teenagers are never known for being refined. The BSB addressed the audience with wide smiles on their faces.

"We didn't know how you were going to react to this, to be honest!" Kevin said to the crowd. "I hope it's all right if we do some songs for you tonight."

The masses were quite pleased. Together, the group of ten did "As Long As You Love Me" and "Tearin' Up My Heart". There were then several numbers that each group did by themselves and then a few pairings here and there. Justin and Nick performed a great ballad that they had prepared at the spur of the moment over the telephone the night before. Everyone was quite ecstatic.

Time never seemed to slow down, even with the mellow songs. Before they knew it, the concert was coming to a close. Their finale consisted of a reprise of N'Syncs new number and "Larger Than Life". The audience never ceased the clapping. When they finally made it off the stage, everyone congratulated each other and breathed a sigh of relief. Jack was there to pat them on the back when they entered the dressing room.

"Now that didn't hurt, did it?" he grinned and clapped slowly for them.

"Thanks for everything, Jack." Nick said. Everyone agreed and mentioned a few words of thanks. They each found a chair or a corner and sat down. It was very tiring but very rewarding.

They were silent for quite some time. They had to wait for the audience to clear out anyway. The limos were trapped behind mobs of people. The preparation had been well worth it. Their expressions were positively glowing. But there was something else in the air. Something less satisfying. Since it was over, they had little reason to see each other anymore. They had little reason to get involved in any more projects together. That thought slowly sunk in. Justin looked up and found that Nick was already staring out him with worry deep in his blue eyes.

============================================================================== ===============

All right, so they did their concert. How is this going to affect their lives or their fans? Is it important? I dunno. I'm just the writer. :) Anyway... I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving to all of those who celebrated. I had an awful experience of losing a beloved pet on Thursday morning and it is something I will be incorporating into one of my next segments. I thought I would prepare you! The "new N'Sync song" in this chapter is actually one written by myself. Email me with comments or criticisms or condolences or cliffnotes at BrwyDevil@aol.com. Kevin.

Next: Chapter 11


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