SECOND TOUGHEST IN THE INFANTS by Kai Wailbone
Author's note: I'm starting to realize that this story has taken a rather different turn than I originally meant it to take... Okay, quick explaination - I was supposed to put these out over two months ago. I had some rather unavoidable medical problems... but I'm better now.
For James, for support, encouragement, and such like...
DISCLAIMER FOR CHAPTER TEN
This is a work of fiction. The characters are fictional, though their names and descriptions are similar to real people. Do not take this (the story) seriously. Please.
The title is from the Underworld album "Second Toughest in the Infants." The chapter headings are from lyrics and song names.
Second Toughest in the Infants Chapter Ten - There is a sound
"I don't know if I am real without you What is left of me without you? I don't know what is real without you How can I exist without you?"
- Stabbing Westward, "Shame" ___________________________________
"So... how was the hangover?"
Ashley smiled crookedly as he ran a hand through his still shower-damp hair. He had managed to pull on a pair of jeans, but his chest was bare except for the wet towel around his shoulders.
"Pretty bad," he admitted. "But I'm used to it by now."
Jeremy's casual smiled faltered slightly. "Yeah, I'm sure... so, I guess Nick brought you back in one piece?"
"Yeah, he did. He's a really nice guy." Ashley glanced nervously at Trevor and Erik, sitting on the bed across from him, then back at Jeremy, who was leaning by the wall, fiddling with an unlit cigarette. "So, uh... what's up?"
Jeremy glanced around the room. "Is Jacob around?"
"No... he left while I was in the shower. Didn't he come down?"
"He might have on another elevator or something... we may have passed him."
"Why, you need to talk to him?"
"No, no... I was actually going to talk to you." Jeremy pulled one of the chairs near and sat down, staring at the floor, plucking nervously at his jeans. "Um..." Glancing quickly to Trevor and Erik, he said, "Ashley... um... about the other night..."
"Oh... uh... yeah..."
"I just want to..."
"No, I was going to..."
"Look, Ash..."
The ringing of a cell phone interrupted them, and Jeremy jumped as he reached quickly for his.
"Sorry," he said as Trevor and Erik automatically checked to see if it was their phones ringing. "I'm expecting a call..." Opening his phone, he answered it excitedly. "Hello?" A second later a slightly disappointed look crossed his face. "Oh... hi... quoi? Non, non, j'ai deux semaines avant mon, uh..." Looking up, he smiled apologetically, shrugged and turned away as he spoke quickly into his phone in French.
Ashley took the moment to think. He had a pretty good idea what Jeremy wanted to say, and he wasn't looking forward to it, especially in front of Trevor and Erik. He even felt a tinge of irritation that Jeremy wouldn't ask them to leave first. So as soon as Jeremy hung up, he spoke quickly.
"Jeremy, I'm sorry. I was really, really drunk." At Jeremy's surprised look, he added sheepishly, "Not that it matters, now... but... I am."
Jeremy paused. Slowly closing his phone, he turned to face Ashley. "Funny... I was just about to say that."
Ashley smiled a half-smile. "Really?"
Jeremy shrugged. "Yeah, and it does matter. Because I was drunk, too, and I've done this apology thing myself more times than I'd like to admit."
"I think EVERYONE got drunk that night... Will was making sure of it." Ashley laughed, but it sounded forced.
Jeremy smiled thinly. "Yes... yes, I suppose. I just... I know how it must have looked from your side, and I just want you to know... about the thing with David." Taking a deep breath, Jeremy said, "Look, it's not that I don't trust you or something. It's just that... it's David. Ben and I have a sort of... well, Ben, Nick and I have a sort of thing with David, where we feel the need to protect him. It's stupid, it's not really cool... in fact, it's not really fair to David at all. Or to us, and... anyway, Nick talked to me about how I was acting, and I have to admit I agree. It was inappropriate, my actions and... MOST of the things I said. And I want to say, I'm sorry."
Ashley glanced again at Trevor and Erik. "Look, Jeremy... I just want to say that I was just drunk, too, and... that's all. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. It was the first time I ever smoked..." Ashley's eyes flickered to Trevor and Erik again. "I mean... I was kind of crazy, and I was doing things... I just don't want you to think I'm gay or anything."
Jeremy stared at Ashley for a moment, in shock. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "I'm sorry, did you just say..."
Ashley shrugged, smiling slightly. "Yeah, man. I mean... no offense, but... it's not like I'm normally interested in guys or anything."
Jeremy stared at Ashley for a moment longer. "Yeah... I mean, yeah, sure, of... course not..." Running a hand through his hair, Jeremy sighed. "So... we're okay on the whole David thing?"
"Yes. Definitely."
"Excellent."
"Besides, I spent most of the night with Nick, anyway."
Jeremy smiled. "Oh, that's right, you two WERE spending a lot of time together... so... you had fun with him?"
"Yeah." Ashley laughed. "Damn, you should have seen some of the things... that guy is good, let me tell you that."
Jeremy's smile seemed frozen. "Good at... what, kissing?"
"Kissing? That boy's lips should be in the Smithsonian or something. And his tongue... I mean, damn, what he can do to your nipples..."
There was a sudden loud crash as Erik stood up, his knee knocking into the night stand, but that didn't slow him down. Without looking up, he stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
For a moment no one moved. Then Trevor slowly stood up.
"Um... sorry about that. He's just... he just needs a bit more time, you know?"
"Time?" Jeremy asked. "TIME?"
"Yeah... it'll be okay."
"No, no it won't. It'll never be okay with time. Time helps union workers and mold to grow. You guys are going to need a hell of a lot more than time, at least as long as you're living in this damned fishbowl of a life..."
"Yeah, yeah..." Trevor interrupted, waving his hand. Smiling slightly, he said, "You forget, we've heard all this before. And I should..." He motioned towards the door. "I'll be back, I'm just going to see if he's okay."
Jeremy nodded, smiling. "Sure, no problem."
Ashley watched as Trevor left, then turned back to Jeremy. "He'll get over it," he said, surprisingly casual.
"What?"
"He'll get over it." Ashley scratched his chin. "It's no big deal, really."
"That's a rather... callous way of looking at it."
"Yeah, but it's also realistic."
"I see... the whole time thing again..." Jeremy watched Ashley for another moment before settling back. "So anyway, any idea what's bothering Dan?"
Uncertainty flickered across Ashley's face like a shadow. "Dan? Why, is something wrong?"
"I don't know... just... he seems a bit on edge today." With a sly grin, Jeremy raised his eyebrows. "I figure it's problems with Cindy, but Trevor said you were rooming with him last night, so... what's the inside scoop?"
"Um... yeah, I guess it's girl trouble. He'll be around moping somewhere, I'm sure, not wanting to talk about it." Straightening, he said, "Actually, he seemed a bit upset about it last night. I think we should probably just let him work this out on his own, and not bug him to talk about it."
"Oh, definitely." Jeremy nodded. "These kinds of things need to be worked out on a personal level without anyone else interfering."
Ashley paused, studying Jeremy's face. "So you're not going to bother him about it?"
"Ashley..." Jeremy pretended to be offended. "I'm shocked and appalled that you would think so. No, I won't 'bother him' about it... it's none of my business anyway."
"Okay, good." Ashley sat back, relieved. "So... what else is going on?"
Jeremy raised an eyebrow almost imperceptibly. "Not much. Just recovering from the party. Other than that... absolutely nothing."
Erik was staring at the sidewalk between his feet, his back pack sitting beside him. Ashley was muttering to himself as he shuffled a couple dance steps, whether to practice or to create, it wasn't clear. Dan leaned against the Suburban, dark glasses on, a clear distance away and staring at the sky. No one spoke to each other, and so great was the apparent tension that Jeremy almost laughed in relief when the hotel doors opened, signaling Trevor's return, but his smile faded when he noticed that Trevor had come back alone.
"Trev... where's Jake?"
Trevor sighed as everyone's eyes turned to him. "He's not coming out."
"What do you mean, 'he's not coming out'?"
"I mean I knocked, but his door is locked and I can't get in." Trevor looked embarassed. "I... I think he's crying."
Instantly four pairs of eyes looked towards Ashley.
"What?" Ashley asked, startled.
"Jacob's not coming down," Trevor said. "Any idea why?"
"How should I know? It's not like I'm his babysitter or anything..."
No one spoke.
"Seriously," Ashley said, trying to laugh. "I'm not..." He trailed off helplessly.
Still no one spoke.
Ashley hesitated. Sighed. Looked at his watch. Sighed again.
"Give me five minutes." Ashley dropped his bag onto the sidewalk and stalked back into the hotel.
Trevor glanced at Erik, who looked quickly away. Jeremy was smiling for some reason, and he winked when Trevor looked in his direction.
No one noticed as Dan looked quickly away and walked to the other side of the Suburban, pushing his shades up to rub his eyes roughly.
"Jacob?"
Jacob looked up, making no attempt to hide his tear-streaked face. Ashley stared at him for a moment, unsure if this was making him more excited or more repulsed. Either way, smiling took far too much effort. Instead, he beckoned to Jacob, almost sneering.
"Jake, I... I want you to know..." Ashley resisted the urge to sigh in resignation and dredged up his sketchy knowledge of love stories and poetry. Shelli had made him watch her movies to death, the ones that were always saying something to ignite passion or some shit like that... "Jacob... I came back... I... listen, I understand why you're upset. I want you to... Jake, I... "
Jacob just stared at Ashley, not looking particularly impressed, but at the same time seemed to be hanging on his every word. As if he was... waiting for something.
"Jacob..." Ashley managed a very small smile. "Jake, I... was thinking... I really can't imagine life without you anymore. I miss you. I want you with me. I... I want to make love to you..."
That last line hit Jacob. Wiping his eyes, he managed to smiled back. "Really?" he asked in a soft, hoarse, almost child- like voice.
Instead of feeling guilty or repulsed, Ashley felt a surge of excitement as he looked at Jacob's hopeful expression.
"Yeah, sure," he said, sounding more convinced this time. "You know I really like you... and just because I can't love you the way you love me right now... doesn't mean I never will, right?" Stepping forward, he sat down on the bed next to Jacob. Jacob started to turn away slightly, but Ashley reached out and held him close.
-not so fast you still owe me-
Leaning forward, Ashley kissed Jacob gently on the forehead, then on his cheek. Jacob turned to face him, and looked at him with red, shy eyes. Smiling comfortingly, Ashley kissed Jacob's lips, tasting the salty tang of his tears.
"Ashley..."
It was rough, but Ashley didn't care. In mere moments, he hadn't just convinced Jacob, he OWNED Jacob. But it was obvious Jacob wanted it, and though it salved Ashley's conscience, it also frustrated him in some unfathomable way. Even when he pushed harder, forcing Jacob's head down so hard he gagged, his struggling was minimal.
It was over quickly, since Ashley had been waiting since that morning for release. Holding Jacob's head, he didn't let him come up until he was convinced Jacob had swallowed everything in his mouth, then let him flop down onto the bed, exhausted and boneless as a broken puppet.
Ashley sighed in satisfaction, then glanced at his watch. Stuffing himself back into his pants, he stood up. "Get dressed," he said. "They're waiting for us." Without waiting for Jacob's response, he left.
Jacob lay staring at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath, the taste of Ashley still in the back of his throat. He was still highly aroused, but knew he didn't have time to take care of it himself, so he just enjoyed the feeling for a moment. Then, smiling slightly to himself, he pulled himself up to get dressed.
_____________________________________ Okay, shorter than I normally make 'em... sorry, but I'm having a hard time getting through some... problems. I'm writing these things as fast as I can, with no idea when I'll be posting them. Anyway, for those fellow writers out there, yes, I know I have quite a few loose ends and unexplained phrases, some of which will never be resolved. The story is writing itself differently than I originally wanted it... sorry... -- Kai Wailbone wailbone@excite.com _____________________________________ Coming soon... Second Toughest in the Infants Chapter 11 - Listening to the barbed wire