Southern Conviction

By Suma L

Published on Oct 27, 2001

Gay

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Hey all! I was listening to Dave Mathews Band -- Cry Freedom and felt inspired, so I popped out this short lil baby. (Well, that and I had finished reading the Adventure of Huckleberry Finn)

I hope you like it! Tell me what you think!

--Sum

Sumacumlaude@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: This story is not real. Actually, I have no idea of that seeing as I created it, it's an Alternative Universe story, but it takes place in the past, and I wasn't alive back then, so you never know. Maybe a Joshua Chasez did exist back then, and he was gay. I don't KNOW! Anyway, this isn't a true story (BUT IT COULD BE!) and so just ignore any ideas you have pertaining to this story, thoughts that it might be real. Ignore those. (BUT IT COULD BE!) So, uh, yeah. This is just a fun little story that I created from the depths of my brain. N Syncs not gay. (BUT THEY COULD BE!)

Joshua Chasez lifted his gun high to his chest and aimed for the boy that was limping to his porch. "It's one of them!" Heather Chasez cried out. "He's got a gun!" "As do I, Heather. Go in the house. If this is one of them, I want you out of the way if he chooses to fight." "Yes, Joshua." She tugged at her skirt, then ran into the house, gently shutting the door. "HALT!" Joshua yelled at the tired looking blonde-haired boy who limped up to the gate of his home. "Please sir, help me..." The boy said so faintly, he could almost not hear him. The boy dropped his gun, and fell down next to it. Joshua took a few steps off the porch, still aiming his gun at the boy. "State your name, boy!" "Please, sir, I can't do-I..." The boy went unconscious, and laid out limply on the grass. "Oh, my..." Joshua said to himself, and walked over to his body. The boys chest moved up and down slowly. He was still alive. There was a huge gash in his left leg. "JOSHUA! DID YOU SHOOT HIM?" "Heather! Get back in the house!" "No!" She yelled, and ran up next to him, gasping as she saw the wound. "We have to help him! We can't let him die! Bring him in the house! GEORGE! TOM! JIM!" "Oh, Heather, just bring out the whole neighborhood..." "Well, you can't carry him into the house!" "Fine. I'll be in the parlor." Joshua stalked into the house just as the three slaves arrived to carry the boy in.

Joshua turned the page of his bible. Exodus. His favorite part.

Heather pranced in, and sat down on one of the large chairs in the parlor. She waited for Joshua to say something.

"Do you need something, Heather?"

"Aren't you going to ask how the boy is doing?"

"I hadn't intended on it."

"You should." He looked up to see her smiling.

"Fine. How is he doing?"

"The doctor said the wound could easily be wrapped up! He just fainted from the loss of blood. He's okay now, but he's sleeping. Very tired! Want to know what his name is?"

"I suppose."

"James Lansten Bass, but he says everyone calls him Lance! He's from the South too, Josh." Joshua raised an eyebrow. "But see, he was fighting, and then he didn't want to fight anymore, so he tried to convince the rest of the men to leave, and they said no, and the commander got mad at him, told him to leave and never come back! And when Lance didn't leave right away, he shot him in the leg, and told him run and die, or stay and fight, and Lance chose to run!"

"Not very noble of him, was it. He should have stayed and fought." Joshua said calmly.

"No, but wait! I'm not finished! Lance had to leave because they were running out of food, and men were dying of hunger and disease, and Lance didn't want to die next!"

"Sounds like that of a coward, Heather. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to read my scriptures."

"Oh, well, alright. I just thought you'd like to know. When he wakes up, I'm going to bring him downstairs and make him up some of that good stew mama used to make for us when we were sick."

"You do that, Heather." Joshua sighed, and attempted to commence reading once again.

"Do you want some, too? I could fix up some real good cornbread too!"

"That sounds nice, Heather. Thank you."

"Mother used to make really good cornbread."

"I know, Heather."

"She would put lots of butter and honey on it."

"Heather."

"What?"

"You're rambling. And what's with all this sudden talk of mother? She's been gone for years. Same as father, but you don't hear me talking about him, do you?"

"Just because you haven't gotten over their deaths doesn't mean I have."

"Heather, I don't want to argue with you. Go fix some stew, and leave me be." He looked back at the book, and began to read again. When he looked up once more, she hadn't moved. "Heather. NOW!"

"Yes, Joshua." She said angrily, her voice filled with emotion and hurt.

He sighed. Mother and fathers death had hurt him too, but he wasn't going to dwell over it. There was work to be done. He had to be the man of the house now. There was no time for mourning again. Life was too busy for that now.

"Joshua! Supper!" Heather cried from in the dining room. Joshua shook himself awake from his nap. He dozed off somewhere in-between the third and fourth plagues. The table was aglow with candles, and three place settings had been put together with cornbread, pats of butter, and bowls of rich, meaty stew. The boy, Lance, was sitting at the middle place. Joshua sat at one end, and Heather at the other. They all said grace together, and then proceeded to eat. "You're going back to your troop, aren't you, boy?" Joshua said to Lance, looking up from his bowl. Heather shot a glare at Joshua. "No, sir. Those were not my intentions." "What were they? You surely can't go back to your family. It's a disgrace to be a deserter." "I know, sir. I'm not really a deserter, because I-" "I know what you are. Don't talk to me with such conviction. It's downright unethical for a man to leave his troop for any such reason. A man is brought in to fight for his cause, not leave because he can't handle it. You should be proud to fight!" "I'm sorry, sir." Lance was quiet for the rest of the meal. Heather continued to glare at Joshua. "That was a lovely meal, Heather, thank you." "Your welcome, Joshua. So where are we going to put Lance up for tonight?" "There's a bedroom at the end of the hall. He may take that one. Be up at dawn, Lance. If you are to stay here another night, you are to earn your keep. You can milk the cows with me in the morning, and fish with me during the afternoon. We don't have any fish left after last weeks gathering." "Yes, sir." "Off to bed now. Goodnight, Heather." "Goodnight, Joshua. Come, Lance. I'll show you to your room."

Days passed by. Lance proved to be very helpful around the plantation, and easy to get along with.

Joshua still treated him with the same cold demeanor, but it was gradually softening. He was almost fond of the boy.

Heather was thrilled to have a new playmate. She taught Lance all sorts of lovely poems and stories, and even how to sew and cook.

About 4 weeks after Lance arrived, Joshua's good friend Joseph Fatone stopped by.

"My, Joshua, you look good. How have you been these past months?"

"I've been well, and yourself?"

"Just as well. I have myself a wife now."

"Oh, really? That's good, Joseph!"

"Legs been bothering me some since the accident. But it's healed well, and soon I'll be as good as new!"

"How's the horse doing?"

"He's good. Just a bit spooked. Suppose that's why it happened really. Damned snake just slithered out and scared the old boy. Fell right on my leg!"

They both enjoyed a good laugh, and spent the afternoon talking about old times.

"Who's that blonde haired boy I saw runnin about with Heather?"

"Oh, that's Lance. He came to our house a few weeks ago with a infected bullet wound to the leg. Doc fixed him up good, but Heather's just gone and had him stay with us. I think I'm stuck with him now. You know how Heather gets once she's attached to something. Maybe he'll marry her and her out of my hair."

Joseph laughed, and patted Joshua on the back. "You never know. Might be just what you need around here, Joshua. A new face. Well, I must go now, but you take good care. Send my love to Heather, please."

"I will. Goodbye."

Weeks turned into months, and Joshua slowly grew more and more fond of the boy. Even started having conversations with him on the porch at night before bed while he smoked his pipe. The more he considered the boy to be enjoyable, the more Heather bothered him about being lonely. "Joshua, you don't have any love in your life." "Excuse me?" He sat down his papers onto the table, and turned to give his sister a disbelieving look. "You don't have any love in your life. You're lonely. I see it. I do! You're always so uptight, and depressed. You need someone. Someone to make you fun and happy again." "Heather, I would close your mouth right now if I were you." "You only want me to be quiet because you know I'm right!" "Heather Chasez! Go to your room, NOW!" "Joshua, just listen to me!" "NOW, HEATHER!" "Yes, sir..." She whispered, and went up to her room. Joshua loved Heather to death, but he hated it when she talked back. Especially when she was right... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Sir, would you like some more tobacco?" Lance asked kindly, holding the tin container out to him. "No, thank you, Lance. You don't have to address me as sir, anymore. I told you, Joshua is fine." "Yes, Joshua." He said quietly. "You have no intentions of ever going back, do you?" "To where, sir?" Joshua shot him a pained look. "I mean, Joshua." "Back to camp with your troop. You have no intention of rejoining the army." "I don't want to." "Why is that, Lance?" "I don't want to die." "That's nonsense! Just because you go and fight doesn't mean you're going to die! Why, old John Williams son came home is fine shape after his troop won that last battle!" "They're dying out there... In large groups... Whole troops down..." "Maybe that's because they're not fighting hard enough!" "Both sides, Joshua. Yankees too. They're all dying." Lance began to choke up with the tears that had fallen down his cheeks. "All my friends, all the people I had had good times with... Dead... Shot in the confusion of the battles, not just by the North, but by people from our own troop..." For once in his life, Joshua had nothing to say. Lance didn't seem to be making all this up if he was crying. He rocked his chair a few times, before looking over at Lance once again. He was rubbing his eyes and sniffling. He almost looked... Pretty. Joshua had always known he liked girls. He'd never had any interest in them. It was that they weren't pretty, it was just that he didn't care. They didn't excite him the way males did. Heather and Joseph knew he didn't like females, Christopher Kirkpatrick, the doctor, and Justin Timberlake, his head slave master as well. They didn't seem to mind, they just wanted to see Joshua happy. Lance continued to cry during their silence. Finally, Joshua couldn't stand to see him cry any longer. "Come here." Lance looked up at him nervously. "Yes, yes, come here." "Alright..." He walked slowly over to Joshua, and stood next to the chair. "Sit in my lap." "Um... Sir, I don't think-" "Sit in my lap." "Yes sir." Lance gently sat down onto Joshua's lap, and sat there very stiffly until Joshua put his arms around him, and pulled Lance to his chest. Lance laid his head on his shoulder. Joshua stroked Lance's hair, and rubbed his back. Lance sniffled a little more, and then finally quieted. "Feel better, now?" "Yes sir." "It's Joshua." He said softly. It was the first time that Lance had ever heard him speak in such a gentle manner. "Yes, Joshua." Lance whispered back.

Soon it had been a year since Lance had arrived at their gate. Everyday, Joshua found himself becoming more and more attached to him, maybe even in love with him, but he didn't realize it. Finally, Justin clarified it for him.

"Joshua, you love him."

"I do not. Get back to work." Justin laughed, and pushed the large hay bale into the corner.

"I'm not trying to be humorous, Joshua, you do. I see it. They way you act around him. That look you get in your eye. I know you do. Heather sees it too. Everyone but you."

"Justin..." Joshua let it trail off, not understanding how to phrase his emotions.

"Just tell him. Let him know. ANYTHING! It's bothering you not being able to love him openly. Next time you're alone with him, tell him how you feel."

"I can't do that, Justin."

"Yes, you can!" Justin sang out. Joshua laughed, and threw some hay at him.

"Get back to work. I'm going to go fix the wagon out back. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Sure. Right after you tell him that you love him."

"Justin! Work!" He yelled out, then walked away laughing to himself.

Lance, Joshua, and Heather all sat in the parlor. Heather was knitting, and Joshua was reading scripture aloud to Lance. "I am so sleepy. I think I will go turn in now. Goodnight, Joshua. Goodnight, Lance." She kissed them both on the cheeks, and then went off to her room. "Did you have a good afternoon, Lance?" "Yes, Joshua. Joseph and I went fishing, and I caught two! They were quite large, but Joseph suggested we throw them back, because they're bellies looked big, and they might be with children!" Joshua laughed. "Good old Joseph. Always worrying about animals." Lance laughed along with them, and then they lapsed into an awkward silence. Joshua started to remember all the things Justin had said to him. He was right. Joshua had fallen in love with Lance. But emotions for Joshua were so hard to put into words. He reached down gently, and put his hand onto Lance's cheek. Lance leaned into the affectionate and rare touch from Joshua, and smiled up at him. Joshua rose from his seat, and helped Lance up from his spot on the floor. "Lance, having you hear has been very good for us. Heather has really enjoyed having someone around to talk to during the day, but most of all... I think it's been good for me." Lance cocked his head to the side, and gave Joshua a confused look. Joshua smiled, and realized how he could show Lance he loved him. He put his hand on Lance's cheek, and slid it until it was on the back of his head. He pulled Lance towards him until their noses barely touched, then he closed his eyes, leaned the rest of the way in, and kissed him. At first, Lance was shocked, and hardly moved at all, then he relaxed, and kissed Joshua back. It was long, and sweet, and felt so good to do. Joshua finally pulled away, breathless, his cheeks flushed. Lance was in the same predicament. "Joshua, I... Um..." "Lance, sometime during your stay... I've fallen in love with you." "I love you, too." Lance said back, softly. Joshua's heart began to pound happily, and he reached for Lance's hand. "Come to bed with me." "Yes, Joshua..." Joshua led him up the stairs, and into his room, quietly closing the door behind them. He took off his shirt, and then looked to Lance to do the same. Lance was so handsome. His chest was well defined from all the labor he had done, yet he still had soft, pale skin all over. It was beautiful and white, like snow. Joshua ran his fingers all over Lance's chest, and then helped him out of his trousers. When they were both fully undressed, Joshua led Lance to the bed, and helped him lay back onto it. "Joshua, I've never... I've never been with anyone before..." "Shhh... Let me make love to you, Lance. Let me make you feel as good as you make me feel." "Yes, Joshua." Joshua slid off his pants, and climbed onto the bed, slowly pushing Lance's legs apart. "This is going to hurt, but it will feel so good afterwards." "I trust you, Joshua." The look in Lance's eye showed complete trust and love for Joshua. It almost made him want to cry. As Joshua slid gently in, Lance squeezed his eyes shut, and began to cry out in pain. "Joshua, please! Oh, it hurts!" "Lance, I promise. It won't hurt for long." After a long moment, Joshua started to thrust in and out. Lance soon stopped wincing in pain, and started to moan with pleasure. "This feels so good, Joshua." He whispered, as Joshua's body began to glisten with sweat. "I know, Lance. I want it to." Soon, both were overcome with a feeling of uncontrollable bliss that shook throughout their entire bodies. Joshua laid down next to Lance on the bed, and wrapped his arms around him lovingly. "I've loved you for so long, Lance. I just wish that I could have admitted it." "I've loved you, too. Even when you were cross with me, I still loved you." "I don't mean to be so cross... I have so much to worry over. Heather, the plantation, the slaves... you..." "Joshua... I have to tell you something..." "What is it, Lance? "This afternoon, Joseph and I went and signed into the Confederacy. We're going to serve in the army. I, again, will fight. I wanted to make you proud..." Joshua's heart dropped. "No, Lance, you can't! Don't leave me, please!" "I have to, Joshua. I will be okay. I will fight, and make you proud, and then I will come home when it is over, and we've won, and show you again how much I love you. That's what you wanted me to. Go back and fight. Be a real man." "Yes, Lance, but now..." "I still have to be a man. I will go help fight for us all. We will win." "Lance... I..." "Yes, Joshua?" "I don't want you to go... But I know there is no way I can stop you, so, I support you in this. You'll write me, everyday, correct?" "Of course, Joshua." Their lips met in a tender kiss. "I'll never stop thinking about you..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~My dearest Joshua, The war is going so well for us right now. We're winning, I know it! Joseph constantly keeps me entertained with his silly tales he tells. I miss you so much. If only I were there to kiss you. I have to go now, we're all going to eat soon. All the love, Lance ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~My dearest Joshua, We have started one of the biggest battles I've ever been in. Many men are down, but we're started to really take charge. I know it will be over soon! I love you. I have to go now. There is much to do! All the love, Lance ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~My dearest Joshua, Joseph has died. I'm so sorry, Joshua. The Yankees got him when we were charging. Please tell Kelly that he died fighting for what he believed in, and that I think she married one of the best men I've ever met in my life. I love you, and I will fight on until this war is over and I can come home to you and Heather. Send my love to her, and tell her how deeply I do miss her as well. All the love, Lance ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Joshua!" "Yes, Heather?" "What are you doing?" "Looking at some papers, that's all..." "Oh..." She looked over at the three old looking papers on the table, and patted Joshua on the back. "You're reading them again?" "Yes..." "Joshua, it's been so long, why dredge it all up again?" "I needed to this time." Joshua sighed, and folded the pieces of paper gently, and put them back into their envelopes. Heather had become so cold lately, with her husband being off at the factory working late hours, and her new baby on the way. It made 4 now. "Why? You read those every year around this time now. Joshua, I don't even remember what he looks like. It's over now. We've all moved on. Years, and years..." "I can still remember. I'll never forget. I needed to this time. 20 years ago today... My first and only love died..."

Well... How did you like it? Well, um... Let me know... --Sumacumlaude@hotmail.com--

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