The Thing About Secrets
I sat frozen in shame and fear. I had just accidentally exposed my vagina to Lydia, having never done that before, I struggled with what to do next when I decided to just come clean.
"I was born with a penis, as you, uh, know, uhm... but I was also born with a vagina.
The words hung in the air. Lydia was still kneeling behind me and I was sitting on the edge of her bed with my back to her, mostly dressed now. I began to put on my socks, figuring it was time for me to make my leave.
"You're a hermaphrodite." Whether this was a statement or a question, I wasn't sure, but I treated it like a question. "Yeah. I guess." I amended.
"How did this happen? Ugh, why the fuck didn't you tell me before I started sucking your dick."
I felt ashamed, I wasn't prepared for this. Mother had forced me to hide this my whole life and now I was a fish out of water trying to explain myself.
"You should have told me." She said in a whisper.
"I know. I've never had to tell anyone before, so I didn't know how." I pulled on my socks, picked up my shoes and left her room, then her apartment. I stopped at the bottom of the outside steps to pull on my shoes. I felt the tears threaten to come but managed to hold them back. There wasn't anyone I could even unload all this to; I was alone with this and had to come to terms with being a freakshow.
I walked home, not knowing how to take the bus and too upset to try and figure it out. It took over an hour, but it also gave me time to reflect on what happened. The only conclusion I could think of was, I would either need to figure out how to tell girls my secret or just stay by myself my whole life. Both options sucked.
I got to my dorm room late and used the fob to get into the building and my key to open my door. No roommate yet.
I called home to check in with mother and then spent an hour speaking with Andrea, she was a phone person. She told me about the trip home, how her and mother bickered the whole way about silly stuff. All I could think was my sister was a little crazy crossing mother like that. We hung up and I drifted off to sleep with an empty stomach.
I woke up early but didn't feel any better, almost as soon as I opened my eyes, the shameful experience came flooding back to me. I was hungry and that was a good motivator to get cleaned up and head out to find something to eat.
I showered and then headed out to find the cafeteria, which was in a separate building. My student identification allowed me some free meals, and this was one of them, so I piled breakfast food on my plate and found an empty seat away from the crowds. I wasn't a social butterfly on my best day, and this wasn't one of my best days.
I brought along a book for company, so I cracked it open and began to read while I ate the bland food. I ate what I could and pushed my tray aside and concentrated on my book. I was pretty engrossed in the story when someone spoke to me, I didn't register what was said, but it was Lydia.
I looked up at her with more than a little fear, I didn't think I would see her this soon again, given the size of the university.
"Huh?" I blurted lamely.
"I said, nobody eats here. The food sucks." I had just discovered that. "What're you reading?"
Small talk after yesterday seemed ridiculous, but I was curious why she would approach me. I was pretty desperate to keep my secret a secret.
"Can I sit with you for a minute?" She asked.
I closed my book and gestured to the seat across from me. It was obvious what she wanted to talk about which made me extremely nervous given this public setting.
"You should have told me before." I started to speak but she cut me off with a hand gesture. "...but I really didn't give you an opportunity for full disclosure."
That was true, but there was no way I would have disclosed that anyway, so her point was moot. I waited, I didn't want to be cut off again, figuring that might anger her.
"I'm not offended by vaginas, I like them. I mean, I like girls too. It just...the whole thing just took me by surprise."
I searched for what to say back to her, but there weren't any hallmark moments that would help me out here, so I just waited. The wait turned awkward and Lydia stood up, "Well, just wanted to get that off my chest. See you around, Alex."
"Wait." I just needed a minute to organize my thoughts and I told her that. She sat back down and waited. I still struggled with what to say, it wasn't helping that we were in such a public setting.
She seemed to have read my mind because she stood and said, "Come on, Alex, let's go find some better food. We can talk about it when you feel comfortable." I think I fell in love with her right then and there.
She took my food tray and headed towards the bussing station, dropped the recycling and rubbish in the correct bins and led me out the front exit and into a bright and sunny day.
We walked in silence at first but within a few minutes Lydia was chatting away again, business as usual to her. For me, though, this was the first time in my life that someone other than my family knew my secret and I felt freer than I ever had before. Soon enough, I was chatting as animated as she was. I was so lost in our conversation that, when she took me by the hand, it felt completely natural.
After a time, she began to steer the conversation back to what was between my legs.
"Do you have periods?"
If I had liquid in my mouth, I would have spit it out. Stalling for time, I asked her what she meant.
"Okay, answer enough, if you did have periods, you would know."
In spite of myself, I laughed at that, she was really quite funny.
"No. Nothing like that."
Keeping the conversation going, "You said it was fully functioning, so I was wondering what you meant by that."
"Uhm, I meant that, I can..., I mean, it can get wet." Blushing as I struggled to get the words out.
"Really? That's pretty cool party trick for a boy." I laughed again, mostly because I didn't know what else do to.
"So, it feels good to touch it? Like a girl?"
I was blushing, struggling with how I felt about this conversation. On one hand, it was a relief to be able to be around someone and know that I didn't need to keep it a secret from them, on the other hand, it was damn humiliating to talk about, for reasons I didn't completely understand.
"Yeah." I mumbled.
"I already know you can get hard." She looked at me when she said the last part and made a show of winking at me.
"Which do you prefer?" She forged on.
"Uh, I don't know. Both I guess."
"Both? As in, at the same time?" She sounded surprised.
"You are the first person to ever touch me there." I needed to change the subject, I needed time to digest all this newness, but Lydia didn't seem like the kind of person to be easily deterred.
I think this caught her off-guard because she was quiet, maybe in a contemplative way.
"But you've touched yourself there. You must have."
I think my red ears and flushed face was all the answer she needed because she didn't press on right away.
We ducked into a sandwich shop where we both ordered some food. I was grateful for the break in conversation about my secret sex.
We ate on the patio where we had normal conversation about normal things. When we had finished Lydia asked if we could go to her place and hang out, which I reluctantly agreed to, wondering if she was going to want a show-and-tell session. I was concerned that I would be powerless to stop her, if she asked me to take off my clothes. She resumed holding my hand as we walked back to her place.
It was early afternoon by the time we go to her apartment complex. She opened the apartment door and we were greeted with loud music with the sounds of a girl laughing.
"My roommates are home." Lydia said in answer to my unasked question.
We passed through the kitchen and into the living room where two boys and one girl were passing a joint back and forth.
"Hey, Lydia." Said the girl. She was very pretty, she looked like a model. She wore a short skirt showing off her long bare legs, she had slender elegant fingers and chiseled cheekbones. She was also topless, save a black lacey bra. The guy next to her, presumable her boyfriend, was equally as good looking, he was tall and slender, with ripped jeans and a tank top on. His hair was long and a bit unkempt, but he wore it well.
The other boy was sitting on the end of the couch, he was smaller than both of the other two. I was handsome too, but he looked like the kind of person that would keep to himself, the shy type.
Lydia responded, "Hey Jessica. What's up?"
"Nada. Getting high." Lydia made her way to the couch with me in tow. When we got close Lydia said, "Bitchboy, go get us two beers." To my surprise, the smaller boy wordlessly complied.
When he was gone, the couple on the couch broke out in laughter. Lydia pulled me down on the couch next to her, the seat cushion still warm from the smaller boy who had disappeared to do Lydia's bidding. This situation was getting weird, I was starting to think this was a bad idea.
The girl, Jessica, sucked in some smoke, held it in and asked, "Who's your boyfriend?"
I blushed but without missing a beat while taking the joint from Jessica, Lydia replied, "More like my girlfriend."
This caused Jessica to release her smoke with a loud cackle and then her boyfriend joined in. I knew why Lydia said that, but I didn't know the couple thought it was so funny. I was getting more nervous by the minute.
Lydia inhaled deeply and handed me the joint. This time I partook, coughing violently when I took the smoke deep into my lungs, causing more laughter and blushing. I was determined to hang and keep my cool, so, when offered, I took the joint again and hit it deep and hard. I managed to last a few heartbeats before the coughing came again.
The smaller boy returned with three beers, handing two of them to Lydia and me, taking the third, he went to the only remaining place to sit in the room, but before he could situate himself on the floor, Lydia interrupted him.
"No, Bitchboy, I don't think so. No beer and no more weed for you until you get your shit together."
They stared at one another for a few moments, sending the room into silent tension.
"Put it back." Lydia said, and again, to my surprise, the boy returned to the kitchen and came back, this time empty handed.
"Sit", Lydia pointed to the floor in front of where her and I were sitting. Laughter erupted again, and the boy blushed a deep shade of red, but he obeyed.
The joint was passed around a few more times, skipping the small boy as it made its way around. I could feel the drug taking affect, making me feel like I was in a dream or watching a strange and distant movie.
The other couple began to kiss, seemingly oblivious to the rest of the people in the room. I took a sideways glance to Lydia and saw that she was watching them. Feeling strangely discombobulated, I looked as well and was shocked and excited to see that the tall boy had Jessica's bra pulled down, exposing her pink and puffy nipples.
I watched as their fooling around became more impassioned, the boy now taking her nipples in his mouth. Sitting down must have proved to be too awkward because in short time, they adjourned to the floor where the boy climbed on top of Jessica, spreading her legs and pushing her skirt up as she did.
Lydia noticed me watching and began to rub my leg, snuggling up closer to me. She kissed me on my neck and rubbed my thigh in small circles, getting closer to my erect male sex each time around. My erection was straining against my jeans, throbbing in excitement. The weed making my arousal more intense than it had ever been.
The boy sat back on his haunches, pulled his shirt off and then reached up under her Jessica's skirt and pulled her panties down. I couldn't see her sex because the boy laid back on her and began to grind his jean covered boyhood onto her bare sex. Jessica was lost, she was moaning as if no one else were in the room, wrapping her slim legs around the boy now, pulling him as close as she could.
Lydia busied herself opening my pants and, to my great relief, freed my erection from its confines. She began to slowly stoke me while kissing my neck. I was as hard as I'd ever been and was sinking further into oblivion as the weed worked its way through my system.
I closed my eyes and let the stimulation take me where it would, I drifted further and further, feeling the head of my penis become slick with pre-cum. I opened my eyes when I sensed movement in the room and saw the boy was standing now, opening his jeans. He pushed them down, and off of each one of his legs, then he pushed his boxers down and let them fall to his feet. He was erect as well, but his erection was much larger than mine.
Before he resumed his position on top of the girl, I looked at her, looked at her naked body, her small breasts rose and fell with her breathing, her lips where parted just a bit. She had one arm folded across her face, shielding her eyes and the other one was extended down, her long fingers working in and out of her sex, making wet sounds as she did.
I stared openly at her sex, she had no hair there, she had long fingernails and pale skin. She would alternate between penetrating herself and moving two fingers up to stimulate what I assumed was her clitoris.
The boy got back down on his knees, blocking my view of her sex and positioned himself so that he could penetrate the girl laying there. I knew he had succeeded when I heard her gasp out loud, much louder than her earlier moaning even.
The boy began working in and out of her, pushing her legs up and then down until her knees were pinned to the floor. I watched as the boy picked up his rhythm, pushing that big dick in and out of her. I began to wonder how she must feel, I know how it is to be stimulated there, but by something so big was daunting. In my intoxicated fog I imagined that it was me under him, letting the big boy push his thing into my vagina. No, my pussy, that's what he would call it, my pussy. Or my cunt, he might even call hit my cunt.
Lydia's mouth was next to my ear now, breathing out, giving me gooseflesh as she did. I don't know when she started to speak, the breathing seemed to just evolve into words, but I closed my eyes to better concentrate on what she was saying.
"You like watching them fuck, Alex? She loves James' cock so much she forgets that there are people watching them."
She kept up with the stoking and the talking. My breathing becoming a bit more rapid as stimulation went on and on.
"You are so hard, Alex. You must love watching them. I wonder though, are you a bit jealous?"
I didn't know what she meant; I wasn't jealous.
"I saw you watching his cock. I saw you star at it for a long time, even longer than you were staring at Jessica's pussy."
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come to me, she seemed to be able to read my thoughts. I have never been attracted to a man, but this situation was overwhelming, and I was falling into an erotic spell fueled by the effects from the weed.
"It's okay baby. I like that in my boys."
She started to kiss me now, turning my head to face her. She moved her tongue into my mouth as aggressive as can be. She had my face between her hands. My penis left alone for a few moments.
"Bitchboy, show Alex what a good pet you are."
Lydia started to kiss me again, and then I felt a pair of cold hands on my erection. I tried to protest, to push her off of me, but Lydia shushed me with her mouth. Then the small boy had my penis in his hot mouth, and I was lost.
His lips were harder than Lydia's had been, but he was just as eager, maybe even more eager. He worked up and down with his hand while keeping the top portion of my penis in his mouth.
Lydia stopped kissing and turned back to the action in the room, as did I. I watched the boy bob up and down on my penis for a few moments before I looked away, to watch James fuck Jessica.
She was moaning and he was grunting, either with the effort or with pleasure, it was hard to be sure. His pace picked up and so did the boy working on me. I could feel my orgasm building and approaching the tipping point. I wasn't sure if the boy wanted to do what he was doing, or if he was forced to by Lydia. This was without a doubt the strangest though maybe even best day of my life.
As my orgasm hit me, Lydia pushed the boys head down hard on my penis and held it there while I came in his mouth. The sight was incredibly erotic but a little terrifying at the same time. I felt out of my depth, and that feeling really sank in once my orgasm subsided and my cum leaked out of his mouth and down between my legs.
Lydia was back at my ear now, having released the boy, who, in turn, release my penis from his mouth. I felt my wet sex slap against my thigh as he let go.
"You liked that didn't you. Go on, Alex, admit that you liked it."
I watched as the small boy turned back to watch Jessica and James, his duty fulfilled.
How did I get here? I wondered and not for the first time.
"Do you think Jessica is hot? Do you think she has a sweet pussy?"
I didn't know how to answer that, so I kept quiet.
"I know firsthand how sweet that pussy is. I've tasted it. A lot."
That got my attention, but I was still at a loss for words.
"We love to get high and eat each other, Alex. Does that excite you?"
It did excite me; I could feel my penis spring back to life. I could also feel that my female sex had become wet, though I couldn't say when it had become so.
James was grunting loudly now, he sounded like a powerful animal claiming his rights deep in some jungle.
Jessica for her part took the pounding well, letting him finish inside of her. When he was satiated, he lay down fully on her, releasing her pinned legs as he did so. They were both covered in a thin sheen of sweat and Jessica was still breathing rapidly, James was already recovered from his part of the exertion.
"What do you think, Alex? Do you wanna taste Jessica's honeypot?"
I was blushing now, I wanted to tell her yes, but I was too embarrassed to ask for something so crude. She was smoking weed again, and offered the joint to me, which I obediently took. I inhaled deeply and exhaled soon after with another coughing fit.
James rolled off of Jessica and this time I had a clear view of both of their nakedness.
Is penis was no longer erect but was still large and covered with slim from both of them. Jessica's pussy was slightly open now and the whole area was wet. I could see some of James' cum slowly leaking from her.
"Did you cum babe?" Lydia asked. I wasn't sure whom she was speaking to, and I almost answered, thinking she was speaking to me. Before I could though, Jessica spoke.
"So fucking close."
Lydia was looking at me as she spoke to the girl on the floor.
"Want some help, babe?"
This got Jessica's attention, she looked up from where she lay, surprise in her voice.
"You wanna eat my pussy after James fucked it?" She laughed a little, "Oh, you nasty bitch." She opened her legs back up, as if in invitation.
"Come on, Alex, let's do it together."
I did want to do that to the pretty girl, but not with a boys cum leaking out of it. The thought of doing that made my stomach turn. I didn't protest though, when Lydia pulled me off of the couch and we both knelt in front of Jessica's open legs.
Lydia pushed me down onto my butt and made quick work out of pulling my pants off of me, underwear and all.
She then began to rub on Jessica's thighs, stroking closer and closer to her pussy, just as she had done to me earlier. I stared at Jessica's pussy and Lydia watched me. I could feel her eyes on me but was frozen in an erotic terror.
Lydia took my hand and pulled me closer, then put my hand on Jessica's sloppy sex. Jessica moaned, encouraging me. I pushed a finger in her sex, slipping in easy with more moaning.
"Taste them." Lydia encourage me, pushing me forward. I relented and situated myself lying flat on my stomach, with my face a few inches from Jessica's sex.
I have never done this to a woman, I didn't know how to begin, looking towards Lydia for direction, she understood my silent request.
"Kiss her here, use your tongue to flick her clit. Just move it back and forth." She was showing me where, opening Jessica's lips in demonstration.
"But first, lick here." She pushed me by my neck lower down on Jessica's pussy. Right where James' cum had collected. I tried to resist the pressure on my neck, but Lydia was persistent, and the weed had lowered my resistance to almost nothing.
I obediently opened my mouth and took the slimy substance onto my tongue. It was cold now, with an inconsistent texture. I swallowed rather than risk gagging with the clumpy stuff in my mouth.
"Good boy, now do her clit like I showed you."
I moved up and began to lick at where I thought Lydia had pointed.
"Lower. Go a little lower." Jessica instructed.
I moved down and was encouraged that I was in the right place by Jessica's exclamation.
I kept at it, trying to read her movements to judge how good I was doing.
Lydia was stroking my hair and neck when I began working on Jessica but had moved down now. She started to work her hand under my body, searching for my male sex. I was beginning to feel my erection return fully and wanted to give her better access but was afraid to lift my hips and risk exposing my vagina.
Maybe she sensed my resistance or maybe something else stirred her fancy, but she suddenly changed tactics and push her other hand between my legs, presumably now in search of my female sex. I clamped my legs shut, trapping her hand there, but she had enough reach to allow her to penetrate my wet sex.
I felt the familiar jolts of erotic electricity shoot through me, forcing me to give pause to my tongue ministrations.
"Don't stop!" Jessica said, close to breathless again. She used both hands to push me back down into her sopping wet pussy.
I returned to my duties, but fear had caused my erection to subside somewhat. I could hear wet noised coming from my sex now, and with that, sharp pangs of embarrassment. I knew everyone was watching. I didn't know where the boys were positioned, but if they were on the couch, there would be no doubt that I had a secret between my legs.
Lydia used her fingers until she could work enough of her wrist between my clamped legs, then she put her thumb into me. Once she started with that, I rocked back onto her penetrating digit. She encouraged me up onto my knees and then encouraged me to open my legs.
Once I was in the position she wanted, she used her other hand to slowly stroke my male sex, bringing it back to an erect state.
At least one of the boys was indeed on the couch behind me, staring at my secret back there because I heard a boy gasp in what could only be disbelief.
"I fucking told you!" Lydia had betrayed me.
I felt the tears begin to sting my eyes, I wanted to get up but was too high and too terrified to move. I couldn't face these people after having been exposed so thoroughly.
Lydia kept pushing her thumb into me while she was stoking me. I kept on sucking on Jessica's pussy. I was angry and hurt, but the intense high and the feelings from my neither region were clouding my good sense. The mixture of fear and erotic stimulation were toxic, the humiliation was heavy, but it wasn't as gut-wrenching as some of my mother's spankings had been.
I could feel my anger start to dissipate, replaced by a feeling of surrender. This felt good. I had suppressed my vagina, no, my pussy my whole life and now it was all out on the table. I was open and exposed in front of near strangers. I wanted to own this now, this was who I was, I was born this way.
I moved my legs apart and arched my back, given Lydia better access and the boy, or boys, a better view.
I worked on Jessica's clit, using a few fingers to penetrate her as well. I could feel her hips gyrate as she pushed herself hard against my mouth, making it difficult to keep doing what I was doing.
Jessica came, clamping her thighs around my head, trapping me even more. Lydia moved to my side, removing her thumb from my pussy as she did, I felt an emptiness there, but she continued to stroke my dick.
Jessica had loosened her grip on me, but I kept licking her sex, mostly because I didn't know what else to do.
I felt a new pair of hands on my hips and felt a new presence behind me. I didn't resist, even though I knew what was about to happen to me. I told myself it didn't matter if I wanted it or not, this is what Lydia wanted. Deep down, I think I did want it, I wanted to feel what Jessica had felt.
I felt something hard rub against my sex, moving up and down. I couldn't see who it was, but I knew it was James with that enormous cock. He was going to fuck me. He was going to stick that big thing inside of me.
I focused on Jessica's pussy, that was my job, fucking me, that was someone else's job.
I felt the head of James' cock push into me, a little at a time. He must be getting direction from Lydia, he was far gentler entering me, than he was when he penetrated Jessica.
I felt him push in, deeper and deeper, opening me up like those wine bottles used to. He pushed forward and I pushed back until I could feel his thighs against my butt.
He was in me now. He pulled out and pushed in, picking up his pace like he did to Jessica. I moaned into Jessica's pussy, I moaned like a girl because I was getting fucked like a girl.
Lydia gave up stoking me and I gave up licking Jessica, I wanted to concentrate on this, on getting my pussy taken for the first time.
I rested my head on my folded arms and let James do the work. The feelings were incredible, my pussy was hot, but so was James' cock. I imagined I could feel the veins of it against my pussy lips as he pulled out and pushed in. I moaned again, louder this time and my audience laughed. I don't know if it was in appreciation for what James could do with this cock, or if it was because I was debasing myself so.
I ate the humiliation like candy and started to vocalize my bliss.
"Oh, Oh." I said over and over. "It feels so good. You feel so good." I blushed even as I said it. Though I wasn't discouraged by the snickers that came from Bitchboy.
James kept fucking me at a furious pace, and I took it, letting him own my pussy, making my whole-body quiver with female pleasure.
James pace and rhythm suddenly slowed, and he pushed deep into me causing both of us to fall forward. He grunted and then he came inside me. I could feel his cock jerk and twitch and then I felt the hot liquid in my pussy.
I didn't want it to be over for more than one reason, including that if felt amazing. Though the main one was that now I had to face my audience. I had debased myself in front of everyone here, licked cum out of a woman's pussy and then let her boyfriend fuck me like a girl.
The tears returned now, and I collapse fully onto my stomach keeping my face in my folded arms to hide my shame.
I was quiet, but there was no mistaking what I was doing.
Lydia was next to me suddenly, pulling me up and I reluctantly stood as she wanted. She didn't say anything but led me from the living room towards her bedroom. I could feel James' cum leaking from my pussy, running down my leg. Jessica and James were still naked and sitting on the couch, but I didn't have the courage to look at either of them.
I went to sit on the bed, but Lydia stopped me had me wait while she went to her dresser drawers. When she returned, she had a pair of red panties in her hand.
"No fucking way." I managed to say.
"You can't wear boxers to bed. You will leak cum all over the sheets."
When I didn't respond she added, "I'm not trying to embarrass you babe. I just want you to be comfortable tonight."
I relented. I don't know why I didn't just go back to my dorm, but I felt lost and maybe way too high to find my way home. Also, I really did like Lydia, even if she had betrayed me.
I stepped into the panties and before she had them all the way up, she added a piece of cloth. "Panty liner." She said in way of explanation.
She stripped out of her clothes and pulled me to the bed and we both laid down, looking up at the ceiling together. She held my hand and we just laid side by side.
After some time, she turned her head to me, with her mouth near my ear she spoke in a soft whisper, lulling me down into a peaceful place.
"That was the hottest thing I've ever seen. I mean, you just lost it, babe."
A blush returned to my face, but it was probably too dark for her to see.
"Don't you realize how lucky you are?" Most people would give anything to have a pussy and a cock."
It was a curse, not a divine appointment. "I've had to keep this thing a secret my whole life, it's humiliating, Lydia."
There was force in my voice, her betrayal was coming back to me.
"Don't you see? Alex, you don't have to hide it with us. You can be around us and not have to worry about being judged."
We both fell silent, then she said something that struck a chord with me.
"You can just do what feels right, not what someone thinks you should do."
Her words went right though me, they bore into and through my anger, my frustration, my fear, my shame. They tore away at everything, they wrapped around me and comforted me. Those words gave me a sense of peace that I never had.
I smiled at her and I kissed her, and then I climbed on top of her and fucked a girl for the first time in my life.
Authors note.
First of all, thank you to all my readers, especially those that take the time to send me an email, I really enjoy hearing from you. I want to write stuff that people like, without feedback, I don't know how I'm being received.
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Thanks for reading!
-Jennis