Tom Browning's Schooldays
By
Joel
Chapter TwentyOne
As I reached the door I saw my sister Hatty talking to our father. My brother-in-law, James Canning, was in earnest conversation with my mother. His high white stock marked him out from father and me with our carefully tied cravats. Yes, father had a new one!
I was pounced on by a beaming Hatty. She looked so pretty in her dark blue gown. "My, Tom!" she declared. I was hugged and kissed, rather to my embarrassment but I couldn't resent it. "You look gorgeous enough to eat!" I did mind that!
My father harumphed but said nothing. I think that remark would be stored for exposure at another time: probably to give me another cause for a reddening of the gills.
I looked towards the doorway on the landing at the top of the staircase. Jabez and Mehmet stood to either side. Each had a tray of elegant filled glasses. I noted my father and the others had a glass. Within a moment Jabez was marching over and bowed and I took a glass of bubbling wine. Gosh, it was champagne! Without changing his solemn expression Jabez marched back to his place and was ready for the entering guests.
I heard Mr Tolliver announce the first of two couples who had mounted the stairs and were at the doorway. "Mr and Mrs Arthur Plummeridge," he intoned, then "Mr Cuthbert DeVere and Miss Constance DeVere." I hadn't noticed Aunt Fanny who appeared suddenly from an alcove and there was much handshaking and kissing and the couples were brought over to us. The whole procedure was repeated except I just shook hands. I wondered how Mr DeVere, who was short and plump and wearing the tightest of trousers would manage to sit down without splitting them, but he had a great twinkle in his eye. It was not matched by his daughter who not only looked morose but appeared as if she might burst into tears any moment. She did seem a little happier when she saw me. I gauged she was about seventeen or so and was not pleased to be in the company of so many older folk.
After introductions the Plummeridges went through to greet Uncle Digby but the DeVeres remained and we listened while Mr DeVere told us of his plans for taking a house in Nice in the South of France for the spring to get away from England and it's cold weather. He couldn't go yet as his business - I think he was a manufacturer of window glass - was retaining him because of the demand with so much new building. It sounded as if he was very rich and I wondered about his background. I found later from Hatty that he was from Manchester where his father had founded his business of foundries and furnaces and had been a prominent citizen there.
Gradually the other guests arrived. Lady Manners was as I remembered her. I wasn't actually kissed but felt I might be attached by all the pins and brooches at her ample bosom if she clutched me much more. The Major and his wife looked as if they dined every evening well, too. He was an Artilleryman and was in charge of some ordnance depot but spent most of his time at the same barracks that my brothers would be at off Whitehall. His uniform was quite plain, just blue with frogging and a red stripe down his trouser leg. His wife was in a high-busted creation in purple silk and I noticed she had a pin keeping her lower bodice together. She was soon in conversation with my mother and Lady Manners and they were laughing together over some anecdote when the Member of Parliament and his wife were announced. He was tall and spare with a pronounced stoop and she was almost as tall as well. Father knew him. I gathered he was a keen student of the Turf and had a string of racehorses in Newmarket so they were soon talking the hind leg off a donkey, or a racehorse!
My brother Terence appeared. His new Captain's uniform was just as Uncle had predicted! Golden aiguillettes and other loops of yellow braid hung from the shoulders of his scarlet hussar's ornamented pelisse. He was another one with tight trousers but at least he was slim and quite tall. I would have to ask him how he managed to have such a perceptible bulge to one side. I hadn't seen what he possessed in detail although I had heard Torquil once say to him that he was hung like a racehorse. I had asked Jabez what he had meant and he had laughed and said I should observe some of my father's good stallions. As I was only eleven at the time and I was not so forward in knowledge of that kind I forgot about it. I was reminded when George had said the same about Maitland one morning and I'd witnessed him at the trough and, true, he had both length and breadth in the pizzle he was holding. Terence didn't have the tasselled Wellington boots of officers I had seen on other occasions, just blue trousers and shoes! I did miss his usual jingling spurs. But what a sight for sore eyes! In fact, Constance did smile and dear Terence took charge of her and after all the introductions chatted together. Wow, was brother smitten, even though he had said he wasn't interested in ladies?
I noticed my father harumphed again when Terence appeared. I wager he was wondering where the money was coming from for such an extravagant-looking uniform. But Terence had his grandfather's inheritance and I knew he did not gamble. I expected Uncle Billy handed down a reasonable portion as father said he was as rich as Croesus having been rewarded handsomely for his victories against Boney in his younger days.
Still others were being announced. The Dowager Duchess was well-preserved, as Terence always said about Squire Matthews' wife. "Looks good, even if pickled in aspic," was a common saying of his, "And the sooner the better," was always added for Mrs Matthews.
I was eyed keenly and, yes, she had a shiny brass ear trumpet on a ribbon hung from her neck. She looked quite stern and I was reminded of an etching I had seen of Ludwig van Beethoven the great German composer. However, she was soon talking to Hatty and James and I heard her ask if the twins might visit her as she had found a new supplier of good sweetmeats. I gathered she was especially fond of French chocolate and she handed me a wrapped confection which she extracted with much ceremony from the reticule she was clutching. Hatty smiled and whispered I had made a conquest. Stupid girl!
There was a silence as two figures reached the door together. The first was announced as Captain Marmaduke Montgomery-Hastings. Just as much gold braid on his uniform as my brother Terence but his jacket was a strange deep russet and his britches were an even darker shade. They appeared to shine as if made of velvet. His shiny black knee boots had white tops to them but he was without his spurs, too. What regiment all this represented I did not know. But it was his companion on whom my eyes were fixed.
"His Excellency Herr Baron Hauptmann Adolphus von Meinertzhagen Mittelbach" was intoned by Mr Tolliver almost with eyes shut. All heads turned and we were all staring at the short squat figure who more or less waddled in. I nearly had a fit of the giggles and was glad my cousin Rosamund had chosen Marmaduke as her beau. If Terence was hung like a lampshade, or like a racehorse, then Adolphus outdid him in one respect. He was still wearing a shiny silver helmet with a huge black plume on top which even so only raised his stature by six inches to about my height. He removed this with a flourish and tried to hand it to Jabez who was holding his tray of glasses and looking quite stony-faced. Luckily Mr Tolliver stepped forward and took the strange headwear from him. Adolphus had a very fleshy face and his black hair was oiled flat and parted severely down the middle. He had on a bright blue tunic more or less covered in draped gold braid or elaborate frogging and which was topped by huge gold epaulettes which almost came to the level of his ears. His white buckskin trousers were stretched round his waist and covered with a scarlet cummerbund with two gold medallions pinned to it. His trousers had loops which disappeared into his short shiny boots so that the legs were held tight around his meaty thighs and calves. No racehorse, though, as the front was moulded down with no bulge at all. He bowed to us all and held out his right hand which Rosamund gallantly stepped forward to hold as no one else did. I noticed every finger had at least three rings on it. He didn't quite look disdainful but as soon as Rosamund took his hand he bowed his head again and raised his left hand with thumb and first finger touching to form a circle.
"My dears," he said in the most peculiar accent and quite high-pitched voice, "I am so honoured to be invited once more to this illustrious household. My felicitations to you all."
Uncle Digby wasn't in the room and I wondered what he would have made of that strange greeting. Any conversation had stopped and it wasn't until Jabez saved the day and handed His Excellency a glass did everyone relax. I couldn't help but stare until nudged by Hatty who didn't dare say anything or we both would have roared with laughter.
The last guest to arrive was the naval Captain from next door. Not in any sort of uniform just an old-fashioned evening suit of tailcoat and black britches. He was a bit tottery but held his glass quite steadily and I saw Jabez turn to serve another of the men when the Captain waved his empty glass in his direction. Being kind I took the empty glass from him and got a full one from Mehmet who wriggled his muscles under his tailcoat and did give me a hint of a smile which was absent when others were served. I suppose he and Jabez had been instructed in correct deportment in High London Society! Our footmen at Careby were never as formal as this.
At last the gong sounded. As the youngest present I was directed to the Duchess's side and got there before Adolphus who had abandoned Rosamund, or she had abandoned him. We processed in first. As I had had practice with old Miss Barnes I knew I had to see her to her chair and wait while the footman moved it towards the table as she sat down. She gripped my hand as she sat and said her knees were not as young as they had been. I rather liked the Duchess.
I had seen a copy of the menu card in Uncle's study. This was my first experience of having dinner upstairs here. On previous visits I had dined alone or with a son or daughter who could not be left alone as the parents were only visiting and staying in a hotel, but now I had been raised in status! If I thought we dined well at Careby then the list of courses and dishes here was quite tremendous. I had noted a first course of two soups, beef or green pea with something Italian. In any case most of the items seemed to be in Italian or had familiar words but ending in 'o'. There were five entrees listed. Salmon, mutton cutlets, capon sliced, porco, which I assumed was pork, and linguaggio which must be tongue. The second course had breast of pigeon, beef in pastry, pheasant, turbot, salmon and a list of vegetables headed by roast potatoes. Desserts included a chocolate souffle, orange slices in liqueur, roast apples stuffed with dates and a lemon confection with cheeses listed at the end. I was still staring at the menu card propped on a stand in front of me when a soup bowl was placed in front of me and Jabez asked "Which soup, sir?". I chose green pea and gabble-gabble, whatever the Italian meant. Rosamund said it was her favourite and as I tasted it I knew it would be a favourite of mine! As we ate so conversation diminished but Adolphus sitting opposite was heard to comment on every dish and it seemed he had a plate of everything on offer. I felt sorry for my mother who had him next to her as when not eating he just kept talking about the food and the meals he'd consumed in Paris, Berlin, Potsdam, Dresden and about another half-dozen places I'd never heard of.
I will say I did not overeat and took just a small amount of each choice I made but I thought each portion I sampled was so good, especially as every dish was accompanied by the most delectable of sauces. If this was London Society I could endure the smells, the smoke and the horseshit, but then thought I would miss the countryside as all I had seen of London on this visit was the mass of buildings and the press of people.
Hatty talked about the service in the Cathedral tomorrow. She said the twins were so excited that 'Uncle Tom' would be there. They were also destined to join the boys in the Cathedral choir at Easter and would attend the Choir School. She said they were disappointed they wouldn't be seeing Robin and Philip but she had promised they could visit Careby in the Summer. I said I had something for John Harrison and she smiled. "He was at Matins last Sunday and asked if Robin and his brother would be coming again. I said you would be here and when I said you were my brother he probably thinks you're a grown-up." I harumphed like my father. She laughed. "You do sound like father but all I meant was you're not as old as me!" I just said 'Ancient' and she jabbed me with her elbow. Such a pleasant sister!
At last the dinner was over and the plates and used glasses removed. The ladies moved to the drawing-room and I was left with the gentlemen who all moved down the table towards Uncle Digby. He beckoned me to him and said I was to sit next to him as I was being allowed to stay on this special occasion for me. Usually, he said with a smile, any youngsters would be packed off to bed once the meal was finished! I thanked him and took the chair by his right hand side. However, he had Adolphus on his other side.
Adolphus was in full flow. As port was circulated and the men all lit pipes or cigars he gabbled on about his recent journeys and the receptions he had been to in Saint Petersburg and Muscovy or wherever and pointed to one of the medallions and said it had been presented to him by the Tsar.
Strangely, he knew who I was for he asked if I was happy at Ashbourne. He explained he had had a cousin there some five or so years ago who then went on to the university in Heidelberg. He wanted to know my plans. I said I thought I would study to be a physician. He smiled and said it was a good and useful profession but one he tried to steer clear of as another relative had much recourse to doctors and the waters at Baden-Baden. As I had no idea what usefulness the waters might be I didn't ask. In any case he was into some long story then about more of his journeys. I saw my father glancing at him and I tried to catch his eye but father was too much into his conversation with the horseracing MP to take notice of his son. I did hear Uncle tell Mr Plummeridge that the railway scheme would be going ahead. Mr P solemnly nodded his head but said nothing and Uncle did not explain I was the one with the good news.
I had two small glasses of port and felt quite the gentleman sitting in my fine clothes although I did not take one of the cigars or pick up a clay pipe and fill it from the carved box of tobacco. Terence wasn't smoking but partook of snuff from a very elegant golden box. Father always alluded to it as a 'filthy habit' and Benjy had said he had been told by Joe Caley that his father said that something all boys did was a 'filthy habit'. Benjy had said as long as boys were careful and it didn't give the laundrymaids extra work what was filthy about it? But Joe retorted they didn't have laundrymaids in his parents' cottage and he'd made a stain on his sheet and his mother had boxed his ears and told his father who made him kneel down and ask for forgiveness of the Lord for a sin of the flesh.
After about an hour we rejoined the ladies. They looked most askance as their intense deliberations on which dressmaker should be visited so that they would not look old- fashioned and dowdy for the coming Spring were disturbed by gentlemen, who almost to a man had overindulged in the fruits of the vine. That is, except for me and I kept well to the rear as the procession entered the room. I think Mr Plummeridge had other problems as he lagged also and let free the most poisonous quiet fart which made me wince and wish for a gust of fresh air even if it came from London's stink. He breathed out deeply and commented, I hope to himself, "Better out than in!". Not as far as I was concerned. I skirted his rather large figure and looked around. The ladies had been drinking tea and the Dowager Duchess spotted me. A beckoning finger was raised. I went over and she smiled at me.
"Tom, dear boy, please procure one of those small cigars for me. I like to light one on my journey home so the odours of the streets do not intrude into the carriage." It was almost an imitation of Herr Baron's outlandish voice and near a true copy of the way he spoke while giving his opinions on the qualities of the kitchens of the nobility of Europe. There was also a hint of a wink in her eye. I nodded and went back to the diningroom. The table was being cleared by the younger footmen and two lads in black waistcoats and short black aprons. I explained to Jabez what the Duchess wanted and I was given a small silver tray to carry my bounty back.
The Duchess patted the seat next to her. "I hear you are at Ashbourne," she said as she dropped the cigar into her reticule, "My nephew is a master there. Timothy Martin. D'you know him? Fine scholar I'm told." Her voice was normal now!
"Is he a clergyman?" I asked not knowing if I should say 'Ma'am'.
She nodded. "Should have stayed at Oxford."
"He's my master and he is a good teacher," I said, "I have learned much in just one term. I hope I may continue in his form."
"His mother is my youngest sister and his father is a canon somewhere. I think Winchester. He could never settle. Wanted to be an explorer but got ordained instead and was given a living by his College and moved from that as soon as he married my sister. Said he'd take them all to Australia but Sarah put a stop to that. She said her children needed a good English education. Timothy is her eldest and decided on the Church and then schoolmastering. The other boys are in the City or the Navy and I never know which. But you like the school?"
"Yes," I said, wondering how one made small talk with a rather elderly Duchess. I could hardly say about Hare and Hounds or Sing-Songs in Great Hall. Ah! "Will you be at my Aunt's New Year's Day Ball?" I asked, then I panicked. Perhaps she had not been invited, or was having a grand dinner and entertainment of her own.
"I shall endeavour to attend," she said. I was saved. "I will not dance though. My legs seem older than the rest of me. Will you be there?"
"Yes, Ma'am," I said using the form of address our servants usually used to my mother or Aunt Matty, "But I have not learned to dance."
"Then I will crave your company at times. If you can stand the gossip of an old lady I can tell you most of the secrets of those who'll be around." She stared across the room where His Excellency was sitting between Rosamund and my sister with Marmaduke hovering. "Except for him," she nodded in the Baron's direction. "Can't find out. He suddenly appears a year or so ago and is on everyone's list. Dines out every night somewhere different. Everyone's fascinated."
We passed on to other topics. She said she had been to Stamford and Peterborough many times but had not heard of Careby until introduced to my Aunt. I told her I played the flute and had also played on my Aunt's new pianoforte. I found she more or less pretended she was deaf so she overheard much that people were trying to keep from her. I was laughing when she said this and she said it was our secret.
I hadn't realised but we had chatted on for a good three-quarters of an hour as I told her about my love of riding and how I had acted as a drover for the two greys and even about the Boxing Day Hunt. She said her late husband, the Duke, had been a great horseman and won a steeplechase against another titled man and she proudly showed the diamond ring she'd bought when given the winnings from the bet on who was the better rider. I did not dare to ask how much it cost!
It was time for the guests to depart. We heard that carriages were at the door and farewells were made. "I hope you haven't been bored with the chat of an old lady," she said and I solemnly kissed her thin hand before I accompanied her down the sweeping staircase. I had assured her I was not bored and we would meet again on Monday. She opened her reticule and from it's depths produced three wrapped sweetmeats. "I think you deserve these for your patience." She smiled. "His Excellency is still upstairs so he won't get one!"
I said good night to my sister and brother-in-law and was reminded my young nephews would be waiting to see me in the morning as he helped her up the steps of their small carriage. Terence said he had to get back to barracks as he was the officer on duty for the church parade in the morning but he would be accompanied by his personal servant on Monday. "It's Caleb, but don't tell Jabez, it can be a surprise for him." Other departing guests shook me by the hand and I thought the Plummeridges might need a cigar lit in their carriage to overcome the odours from within the conveyance rather than from the outside as I had experienced earlier. Marmaduke kissed the hands of the remaining ladies farewell. I was ignored as he probably thought I was the chimney-sweep's boy and he couldn't buss a sooty paw. Not even a farewell handshake or wave. I decided there and then he wasn't to be my cousin-in-law! He and His Excellency shared a carriage but at least he had mangled my fingers with a firm be-ringed handshake and said I should study hard. Uncle had said about scent. A strong exotic odour of roses drifted from him as he climbed into the carriage. I felt Mrs Plummeridge might appreciate that on the journey home but I wasn't going to run after their carriage to suggest it.
At last there were just my parents, Aunt Fanny and Rosamund left and I then realised that Uncle Digby hadn't joined us in the drawing-room when we had joined the ladies. Aunt Fanny explained that he tired easily and had been taken down to bed. I said I would go to bed myself and my father was about to say something but didn't.
To be continued: