You Don't Know
WARNING:
This story contains graphical descriptions of homosexuality between consenting adult males. If this is not your desire to read such kind of articles, or you are not of consenting age in wherever you are residing, please do not continue.
DISCLAIMER:
This story is written completely based on fantasies. The author does not know, or own, the celebrities, establishments, cities or countries mentioned in the story, hence has no knowledge on the sexuality of the celebrities mentioned. It is of pure coincidence if the story should resemble any real life experience of any individual.
RATING:
NC-17
PAIRING:
Jeff/Drew
Inspiration: "Give Me Your Hand" by Leehom Wang, "You Don't Know" & "If She Only Knew" by 98 Degrees.
Dedication: To Gemma, something sweet for her little operation.
To Lee, for all her great stories and inspiration.
To Thack, for his great story "What I Feel For You".
To Alex, author of "Where You Are" & "Last Kiss Good Night", all the best to your health.
To Rin Song - darn it, i'm still waiting for more of "Insatiable".
And to all those great authors who wrote "All the Love in the World", "Christmas Wish", "Darkness World", "Ghost Behind My Eyes", "Give Me Just One Night", "Hollow", "Loving Nick Lachey", "The Color of Love" - you guys got me hanging in the middle.
You Don't Know
'Cos love, Love is so easy to feel, but the hardest thing to say...
"Hey Sprout, are you ok?"
"Mmm... Yeah. I'm fine."
"You're sure?"
"Just something's on my mind now."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not now. Maybe some other time."
"'K."
"Jeff?"
"Hey, wassup, D?"
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure. come on in."
Drew came in, closing the door behind him. He looked nervous.
"What's on your mind?"
"I'm seeing someone."
"Cool! Is she someone I know?"
"It's a 'he'. I'm gay." Drew fidgeted a little.
"Oh..."
"Jeff, please. Don't freak out on me, please." Seemed like he's about to break down himself.
"I didn't mean that, D. I care about you all the same. It just kinda took me by surprise."
I sat down next to him putting my arm around his shoulder to give him a little squeeze for reassurance.
"Thanks... I don't know who else to talk to about it."
"You know I'm always here for you."
"Thanks. Nick will freak if he knows."
"You should be more trusting towards him."
"Maybe I should. I'm just too much of a coward."
"No, you're not. Anyway, are you going to tell me about this guy you're seeing?"
"I like him a lot. But I don't know what he thinks about me."
"You two going out, as dates, right?"
"He's acting like he cares sometimes, but mostly doesn't."
That was how I started talking to Drew about his boyfriend.
The phone was ringing. I woke and glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning. I knew it has to be Drew.
"Hello?" My voice wasn't waking up yet.
"Did I wake you?"
"It's alright Sprout. Is he doing it again?"
"He just told me to leave him alone. He said he wanted to break up with me."
"Have you been crying?"
"No...... Yes, I am."
"Is Nick home?"
"I'm not sure. I'm still on the driveway."
"Why don't you come over? Nick will ask if he sees you crying."
"I'm sorry..."
"Just shut up and come over. Drive safe, okay?"
"Ok."
When Drew got to my place, I just hugged him and let him cried himself to sleep in my arms. We stayed on the couch.
That has been going on and off for Drew's relationship with this guy. Me? I was Drew's anchor whenever something went wrong. I was always there for him like I told him that I would be.
Drew was deeply hurt, but he loved the guy.
I was heartbroken every time Drew came to me for comfort.
I knew Drew. He's a great guy with a big warm heart. He's got so much love to give. His smile was like an angel. He should be with someone who loved him in return. Not with someone who kept tormenting him emotionally.
Drew deserved better.
I could be the better one for Drew.
No, wait... Where did that come from?
Drew was all excited. He was telling me that he and his boyfriend were planning a vacation in Paris. He was having all these little ideas of making it sweet and romantic.
I'm jealous. I want to be the one bringing so much happiness to Drew.
Instead, I smiled and congratulated him. He deserved happiness, no matter who brought to him.
I was at the airport. Drew called from Paris that he was coming back earlier than scheduled. He asked if he could stay with me until the date he was supposed to be back. I heard tears in his call.
Drew had his shades on him. When he saw me there waiting, he just ran over to me and broke down in tears hugging me.
His boyfriend broke up with him.
Drew was literally thrown out of the room when his boyfriend brought along with him a blond hungarian for the night.
I wanted to kill that bastard.
Gradually, I discovered my love for Drew. It was not just a crush. It brewed for a long time. It has begun to grow long before it made itself known.
Yeah, I've never thought I'd fall in love with a guy, much less one of my best friends. But would it matter?
No, not to me.
I wanted him to be happy. And I wanted to be the one who made him happy.
I felt rage rising up my chest and my heart crashed every time I saw Drew sitting there by the window, looking out but eyes unfocused. His eyes would be red from crying. His beautiful features twisted from heartbreaking.
I wished I knew how to ease his pain.
I wished I could bring him smile. His bright smile of warmth.
I wished I could hold him in my arms and made everything right for him again.
I only wished I knew the right words to tell him how I felt.
"Jeff? You awake?"
"Yeah, come on in."
I was getting ready to sleep. Drew came sitting on my bed. His eyes still red and his face and hair wet. Probably he washed up a little before came knocking my door.
"You're crying again." I stated.
"I haven't been much of a guy lately, have I? I'm always crying."
"Guys need some release too. Holding back doesn't help."
"Thanks for taking care of me these days. I've been giving you so much trouble ever since I started seeing him."
"Don't you say that. I'm glad you come to me. I'm glad you trust me."
"Do you think he's ever loved me?"
"Frankly, I can't say 'cos I don't know him. But I do know you deserve better. You're a great person and you shouldn't suffer this."
"I'm not sure. Sometimes, I just wonder if I'll ever find someone who loves me back like I love him."
"I love you." Instead, I just said, "Be patient, you'll find him."
"Can we share your bed tonight. The guest room is cold."
I moved a little to the side and patted the space next to me.
Lying down, I reached and switched off the bedside lamp. Drew snuggled close to me.
"Good night, D." I brushed my lips lightly on his forehead.
"Night, Jeff. Thanks for everything."
I woke up to the first strike of dawn. The room was faintly lit. Drew had his head on my chest and both his arms wrapping around my left.
Drew looked like an infant - pure and innocent.
I just looked at him, thinking about the two of us. We've been close since we got to know each other. We liked the same sort of music, enjoyed the same type of movies, indulged ourselves in the same kind of books. We shared different views on politics, had different favorites for food, loved different baseball teams. We discussed but we never fought. We challenged each other yet we cheered for each other. We're the same and we're different. We had a harmony going on.
It seemed perfect for us to be together.
I knew it would be perfect.
"Hello?"
"Jeff?"
"D? Hey, how's it going?"
"He called."
My heart sank.
"Jeff? You there?"
"I'm here. What does he want?" I found my voice. It surprised even myself that my voice was so calm.
"He apologized. He wants to make things up to me. He asked me out for dinner tonight."
"You know I don't like you seeing him again. He shattered your heart."
"He said he's sorry."
"That's not good enough. You know you deserve someone better."
"I don't have anyone."
"You can have me any time you want."
"Jeff? Say something. Please."
"Promise me you'll come over and see me tonight, after dinner. I don't want you to follow him home."
"It's just dinner. Don't make it sounds like I'm that easy."
"I'm not saying you're. But I won't be surprised if he thinks that."
"I'll call and come by after dinner, ok? Don't be mad at me please."
I offered Drew the coffee he asked for. Then I sat opposite to him and waited.
"He asked me to go over to his place after stopping by here."
I was right.
"Jeff, are you mad at me?"
Mad? Hell sure I was! But it's that SOB that got me mad. Was Drew just an easy laid for him?!
Maybe when I saw that bastard, I could see for myself if those boxing classes did pay off for me or not.
"Jeff -"
"Drew, you know how I feel about him." I cut Drew off. "But it's your life to live. I can't interfere."
"You're mad at me."
"No, I'm not."
"I'm sorry. I've disappointed you." Drew put down the coffee in his hand. He stood up. "Maybe I should leave now. I'm really sorry, Jeff."
Drew turned for the door. A rush came over me and I ran over to him.
Grabbing his wrist, slowly I turned him around facing me. My other hand rose and gently caress his cheek. I was looking into his eyes, trying to tell him that I was in love with him.
My mouth just hanged open slightly. Nothing came out.
Instead, Drew leaned in and his lips pressed onto mine.
Nothing came out of my mouth except a silent groan of contentment.
And Drew's tongue came into my mouth with a moan.
I move back a little, remembering to breathe. "Wow!"
"Yeah. Wow!" Drew agreed. He smiled, face flushed.
"Now, where did that come from?"
"He asked me to get back together. It suddenly became clear to me that I felt most peaceful and happy when I was with you. So I ditched him and came here."
I smiled.
"I thought you were mad at me." Drew said.
"No, I wasn't. I'm just mad about you."
"Really? For how long now?"
"You have no idea."
"Try me."
"You don't know it until you feel it."
"Yeah, I can feel it now."
"So do I."
This desperate heart that knows, how perfect we could be.
From the author:
Yeah, I'm an attention-sucker. Write to me with your comments and ideas!
Copyright © by Jasper Jeff
http://jasperjeff.no-ip.org/