I got into bed, naked. I hadn't even bothered to pick up my discarded clothing from the living room floor. I usually wore a pair of gym shorts to bed, but I wanted to be naked. I ran the events of the last hour through my head. Then I went over every moment of my time with Tucker Lloyd Garrison IV. There was nothing during any of that period that would have given me a clue to explain the previous hour. There was no way I'd set myself up for what had happened.
What had happened was that I'd had my second blowjob from a guy. The first time had been 14 years earlier from an older college student. Because of that incident I'd been racked with guilt from then until now. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that it had impacted my entire life and had certainly had a profound influence on my sex life.
This time I found, to my surprise, I wasn't experiencing any guilt. I was instead totally perplexed. It was undoubtedly the best blowjob of my life (that's what I told myself) but if I was being totally honest it was the best sex of my life, both physically and emotionally. That's what had me confused. I could understand the physical. The guy gave great head and obviously got off big time doing it to me for whatever reason. The combination of great technique and enthusiasm could explain the world class hum job, but what about the emotional feelings that it had caused?
Sure I liked Lloyd, maybe the feelings ran even deeper than mere like, I had to admit there was a growing bond, like between exceptionally close brothers. That didn't explain why I'd gotten the urge, in the middle of getting the best head of my life, to pull Lloyd up to me and embrace him. Had that meant that I wanted to make love to him? Did it mean I wanted sexual contact with a man beyond having my cock in his mouth?
I dismissed these ideas. I was an All American heterosexual male who had fucked women more times than he could count. I'd had exactly two blowjobs from two different guys and at least two hundred from women. I was days from turning 30. If I were gay I'd have figured it out before this. I mean receiving two blowjobs from two guys in 14 years didn't make anyone gay, not with hundreds of women in between.
I just needed to get some sleep. Things would look different in the morning. By morning it'd probably be no big deal. Like Lloyd had said, "why jerk off when you can get a blowjob." I mean a blowjob's a blowjob. Gender doesn't have anything to do with it, except psychologically. A great blowjob is no less great because a guy gives it to you.
I tried to sleep but it didn't come easily or peacefully. It wasn't made any easier by the fact that I was again sporting a rock hard erection. As great as it had been, the blowjob had obviously not fully dissipated my sexual needs. It was as though they had been merely whetted. I decided against jerking off. At the time I couldn't have told you why, but I think subconsciously I didn't want to know what I'd be fantasizing about if I'd done so.
I tossed and turned but must have drifted off to sleep, because I came back to consciousness with a warm and wet heavenly sensation running the length of my engorged cock. I realized that Lloyd must have come into my room, seen me sleeping with my manhood proclaiming its need, and felt free to service me. It felt so good that it didn't even occur to me to ask him to stop.
The experience, much to my surprise, was the match of his earlier efforts; his ability was no one-time fluke. His technique and timing, the sensations coursing through my body were as mind-blowing as the first time. Any apprehensions I might have feared never materialized. Nothing else mattered but that moment in time, the act alone became my entire world. I was determined to make in last as long as my body could possibly endure the exquisite pleasure. Only when I could withhold no longer would I grant myself release. This time I would allow Lloyd to indulge his oral lust fully. We'd both revel in our wantonness.
Again the thought occurred to me: how much I'd enjoy holding Lloyd in my arms, feeling his body pressed against my own. To my amazement the very next moment he was in my embrace and he was as naked as I was. His hard cock was pressed large against my own. He was holding the back of my head as our lips met, our mouths parted and our tongues locked in a dance as old human beings. At long last I understood it all. This was what was meant to be. I understood what had been missing, what I'd been denying myself for the past 14 years. It had remained repressed, so buried that not a hint had surfaced in all that time.
Not until Tucker Lloyd Garrison VI had come into my life. Had he known? Had he known instinctively what I myself could not recognize? It didn't matter, I knew now. Once it became clear there was no holding back. Never before had I ever felt toward another person what I was feeling for Lloyd and I knew, just as certainly that he had to feel the same toward me.
For the first time ever I was more interested in giving another person pleasure than in the pleasure they could provide for me. I reluctantly pulled away from his lips and embrace, slowly sliding down the length of his body. My lips and tongue traced the contours of his chest and stomach as he moaned softly, acknowledging the satisfaction I so wanted to give him. My tongue was probing the inside of his navel; I was a mere inch or two from my ultimate destination. I could feel the head brushing the tip of my chin. How I longed to take him into my mouth, to experience the thrill of his hard flesh pulsing, throbbing and finally feeding me the very essence of his being. I could wait no longer. I slid down further so that I could be between his muscled legs.
Suddenly I crashed to the floor at the foot of the bed. I lay there dazed for a moment, I felt foolish. I pulled myself together and sat upright hoping my klutziness hadn't broken the moment. I wanted nothing more than to go right back to what I'd been doing. I pushed myself up resting my arms on the foot of the bed embarrassed but ready to pick up where I'd left off. I looked at the bed ready to laugh at myself and apologize but found it empty.
My first thought was that Lloyd had run out of the room, but that was impossible without him stepping over me. I couldn't figure it out. Then it occurred to me; it had been a dream. I'd been dreaming, I hadn't been making love to a man, I'd only dreamt I was doing so. It wasn't real. I wasn't gay. These thought were quickly followed by the startling revelation that I wasn't dreaming after I'd hit the floor and the first thing I'd wanted to do, was going to do, was get up and suck a cock. The dream had been so real and I recalled every moment of it, though I seldom remembered dreams. I paused, still leaning against the foot of the bed, trying to clear my thoughts.
My subconscious had dealt with what I could not even contemplate awake. The truth was out and no amount of rationalization could obscure it. I was gay. There had been one even more important eye-opener.
I was determined to see this through. I got off the floor, went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, sprayed myself with cologne, brush away the bed-head effect from my hair and still naked walked toward the guest room. The door was open and I could just make out Lloyd's beautiful form. He was lying on this side away from me. I couldn't tell by looking if he was awake or asleep. I couldn't even detect his breathing. I quietly slid in bed beside him and cuddled up next to him in the classic spoon fashion. I placed my left arm around him and drew him toward me. My hardening cock pressed in between the hard mounds of his naked ass. I wanted to make love to him but was content to just hold him until he woke.
"What took you so long? I expected you an hour ago."
His voice startled me and I sat up as he turned over onto his back.
"You were expecting me?"
"Yeah, as horny as you seemed I expected that the least you'd want was a second round."
"Lloyd you don't understand. I just realized something. I'm gay."
"Well it's about time. I didn't think it would ever dawn on you."
"You knew? Why didn't you say something?"
"So that you could freak out and never talk to me again. I don't think that would have been a very effective plan. But, yeah I knew. I think I knew from the first day, but I wasn't too sure. I was afraid that maybe I was just engaging in some wishful thinking. But the more time I spent with you the surer I became. I knew if I played my cards right I could help you figure it out."
I didn't know quite how to break what else I had to say so I just said it. "There's one more thing, I think I've fallen in love with you."
With that Lloyd also sat up, turning on the bedside lamp as he did so. My stomach nearly did a flip. Suddenly I was afraid that I'd gotten carried away with myself and while he might be interested in some good raw sex, love was not on his agenda. After all if he'd wanted a relationship he certainly could have had one with any number of guys. Why would I ever think he'd want me? I'd been so love struck that good sense had abandoned me.
Lloyd looked at me and smiled. "Well then, you're in love with me. Are you sure? How did you come to that conclusion?"
I had already spilled the beans so I figured there was no harm in telling him the whole story. So I related what happened after he gone into the guest room. I went into detail as I recounted the dream and then waking up on the floor. When I'd finished I looked straight into his eyes.
"I'm sure, never been surer. I've never felt toward anyone like I do toward you. Of course I don't expect that you'll feel the same way toward me, but I want you very much as a friend. I'm going to need someone who I can trust to help me through this gay thing."
Before I could say anything further Lloyd placed his right index finger against my lips.
"Let me say a few things. I realized that I was gay when I was 14. It seemed perfectly normal to me so it was never very traumatic. My folks were great, totally accepting. The only thing that bothered them was that I never was interested in just one person. Sure I dated a little and had more than my share of one-night stands and meaningless sex, but I never had any need or desire to settle down and remain faithful to just one person just for the sake of doing so. My parents were nervous, fearing I never wanted to fall in love and nest down as they had done. They'd been lucky finding each other and I didn't want anything less for myself. I just knew that life was too short to just settle. I decided that sooner or later I'd meet the one for me and that I'd know him when I saw him. I was in no rush. If it happened today fine, if it didn't happen for ten years also fine. I'm not lacking much in my life so I'm content. Then I met you and while I thought you might be gay there were certainly no signs to indicate that you were anything but straight. Still I couldn't get the idea out of my head that you were gay, even if maybe you didn't know it.
"Now you tell me that you've not only discovered that you're gay, but in love with me. I know you want my reaction. Basically my reaction is the same for both. I'm relieved and thrilled with your being gay, because I can tell you that the prospects of falling in love for the only time with a straight guy was more than I was really prepared to deal with."
It took a minute before I fully comprehended what he'd said. He saw the bulb going on over my head and just leaned in and kissed me. We fell back on the bed locked in an embrace and impassioned kiss. After a minute or so he pulled back far enough to speak.
"Now I think it's time we made that hot dream of yours come true. I still haven't gotten off this evening and I can't wait to be on the receiving end, at least for now. Then I'm going to show you how two men can join together as one soul."
That was 20 years ago. Lloyd went on and finished his MBA. When he finished we went into the real estate business together in Massachusetts, and have done rather well. We're the proud Poppas of 15-year old Killian (who is in high school) and 12-year old Tucker, who we call Tuck (who is in middle school). They both have the same surrogate biological mother (a lesbian friend of ours). We got married in July and have never been happier. Not too bad for a guy who thought he was straight for his first 30 years.
You just never know!