Ember in the Cinders

By Ritch Christopher (Of Blessed Memory)

Published on Feb 15, 2001

Gay

Usual disclaimer...All rights reserved. Copyright owned by the author. If you are underage and or offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.

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(ring)

"Hello, Mrs. Moore, is Jackie home?"

"Is this Chuck?"

"Yes, maam.'

"Let me get her for you, Chuck."

"Thanks."

(pause)

"Hello?"

"Jackie?...Chuck."

"Hi."

"Are you OK? or rather..."How are you?"

"Fine."

"I, uh, thought I ought to call you...about this afternoon."

"You're braver than I thought."

"It's not a matter of being brave...I just wanted to sorta explain...I mean, after what you and Marsha saw...or probably saw..."

"We saw...and really, Chuck, there's no explanation necessary."

"Yes, there is..."

"I assumed that you and Jake were just indulging in guy stuff."

"Well kinda...but not exactly."

"My cousin, Tina, told me that her stepbrother told her about all kinds of things boys do at Boy Scout Camps."

"Jackie, Jake and I, are a little old for the Boy Scouts."

"Well, I rather just think that's what was going on and leave it at that."

"I wish you would let me explain...willya...please?"

"All right,..I'll listen...for a while."

"You know how mixed-up I've been since the night of "Rebel"...My whole world sorta tumbled in all at once."

"I know."

"And now...this thing...Jake's eyes...I don't think there's anything else that could happen...It's just be too much...for all of us...you and Marsha, included."

"I tried to be there for you, Chuck, but Jake was always just a step ahead of me...and I never could seem to get to you."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize...You got what you needed, apparently...and that someone was Jake,"

"Jackie, Jake's like my brother."

"And what am I?"

"You're like my...I don't know...you're like my..."

"Watch it, Chuck, I may hold you to what you say,"

"OK...we've been going together for...I don't know...since junior high school."

"Yes."

"And in all that time, have I ever ONCE said I loved you...think about it!"

"Well...no."

"And have you ever ONCE said that you loved me?"

"No...I haven't."

"Have we ever ONCE talked about getting married or what we were going to do when we graduated?"

"...no."

"We had sorta a boy-girl...deep...friendship...and that was about all, wasn't it?"

"I thought there was more to it than that."

"...just like I had a boy-boy...deep...friendship...with Jake...I loved you both...equally...I guess...on your own terms."

"So are you trying to say that I meant nothing more to you than Jake does..."

"Sorta...Jackie,,,I don't know how to say this...but a couple of weeks ago...something sorta strange happened between me and Jake."

"You mean strange...or queer...?"

"It's not like that at all...I mean...Jake and I were spending the night together...and we got to talkin'...you know...boy talk...and the next thing I knew,,,Jake was kissing me,,,and he,,,he started making love to me."

"And you didn't try to stop him?"

"At first...but then I started...liking it...it seemed like there was nothing wrong in what he was doing..."

"And you felt guilty and make love to him in return, I suppose...?"

"Something like that...but it wasn't dirty or evil...it just seemed so 'right'...and then the cops came by and told me about my parents and the house...and I wanted Jake there, by my side...and he stayed with me and comforted me through that whole ordeal...and every night, we became closer and closer...and then after the date, when we took you and Marsha home...and the taxi...and the wreck...and Jake...and the blood...and his eyes...and now, he needs me more than I need him...and I've told his parents I would be there for him...always."

"And that display...this afternoon?"

"You know you weren't suppose to see that...the things people do behind private bedroom doors...should remain just that...private."

"You were making love to Jake, weren't you?"

"Yes."

"The kind of love that men and women do..."

"Yes."

"And you're..."together" now...a "twosome".

"Well yes..."

"And me and Marsha?"

"I want us all to be friends...if that's possible...I mean...you haven't told anyone about what you saw, have you?"

"I wouldn't dare...I'd be too embarrassed."

"I mean...I've got my hands full...I want the world to be as "normal" around Jake as I can make it...and you and Marsha could help a lot...if you just would...do it for Jake's sake, not mine."

"What do you want us to do?"

"Act normal...like there's nothing different between us...Jake's dad has already talked to Dean Henderson about having Jake tutored at home and taking an oral exam...so he can graduate with us...and then, the prom...I would like us all to go together as a foursome...just like always...that is...if you and Marsha would be willing to do this BIG favor...I know it's asking a lot...and it means putting on a big front...but this way we won't be embarrassed by looking like I dumped you or you dumped me."

"Do you think Jake will be able to dance with Marsha...if she's agreeable?"

"For Christ sakes, Jackie, there's nothing wrong with his feet...we all dance with our eyes closed any way, don't we?"

" 'sfunny, but I had never thought about that...there's a lot of things we do without seeing or looking..."

"And that's what I or WE have to convince Jake of...he's got to realize he's not an invalid...and remind him of the things he can still do...but I'm gonna need yours and Marsha's help...can I ask that of you?"

"Sure...friend..."

"Thanks...Jackie...I love you..."

"But you love Jake more..."

"You said it...I didn't."

"OK...I'm going over to Marsha's house and try to explain everything to her...and hopefully she'll be as understanding as I'm trying to be..."

"I'll owe you one..."

"I hope not..."

She hung up.

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There were and are so many simple things that we do by rote, without ever thinking about them...turning a doorknob or a faucet...brushing your teeth...taking a bath...even shaving...Doing things you're able to do...well. Don't try the impossible...at first...any way...that means...no driving the car...or chopping wood...or diving off cliffs. I wanted Jake to accept the things that he normally took for granted...and use that as a foundation...and go on from there.I don't know whether it was his love for me or vice versa...but he wanted know pity,,,and he was willing to accept help. That was over half the battle and he hadn't protested the first time...To me that showed how big a man he really was...and even better...he was my man.

The thing he made ME aware of was unexplained sounds. I soon got to the place when something fell on the floor or the wind banged a door shut. rather than make him wonder and become afraid...I would instantly ease his mind by saying things like, "A cup dropped on the floor...I am going to swat a mosquito...so don't jump!" This way he learned to trust me even more. I had to be his eyes...but I had to make sure that he knew what I saw and what made the noise that he couldn't see. He soon caught on to various sounds. I use to close my eyes and listen...at first you are only aware of the immediate sound...like a radio...but listen harder and you hear the sound of the fan oscillating...and there's a drip coming from the bathroom...there's a dog barking somewhere up the street...is that a mixer coming from the kitchen...even a fly was became as intrusive as a motorcycle roar. You're never conscious of these things until you're made to become aware of them.

We played the money game...feeling for the ridges of Eisenhower silver dollars and on eagle halves, Washington quarters, Roosevelt dimes, but smooth edges on the buffalo nickels and wheat pennies. There was a certain way you folded the corners of bills in your wallet, so you could reach for exactly $28.00 without fear of being gypped. Then we learned to count...steps, that is....eight steps forward when you sit on the side of the bed,,,now turn to the right for three baby steps to miss that easy chair....then two to the left and a quarter turn to the right and ten steps further and you would be at the bathroom door...three to the left...feel the commode with your knee...raise the seat,,,unzip your pants...pull out your penis...point it downward and pee...unassisted!

The one thing I didn't have to re-teach Jake was how to make love in bed. He had become a tiger with a voracious appetite. He couldn't get enough,,,I didn't want to get enough of him...ever...I was loving him more and more every day. He was grateful to me, but in a loving way, He was able to let me show that just what a mate does for a mate...it's was just the natural thing to do. I even stopped him from saying "Thank you" every other breath.

Fred had hired a tutor...Bonnie Gustavson...to catch him up on the subjects he'd missed...with enough answers to pass a final exam. He didn't resist. He learned quickly because he HAD to listen with no distractions. He could've passed the tests better than I.It only took about two sessions for Jackie and Marsha to get use to the "new" Jake...and do their best to understand our relationship...Soon the four of us were laughing and joking as we had done for years...we had become "friends"...very good "friends". And by the time Jake and I took them to the prom...they had accepted us...for what we had become. Another thing for which I was grateful, they were willing to continue acting as our "girlfriends" for appearance sake.

Ann and Fred had gone beyond the call of duty, letting Jake and me find the way of living our life together, without interference from a meddling parent, only offering assistance when we asked for it. My birthday was only two weeks away...but with the help of Fred and his contacts...I had arranged to give Jake a special present for graduation. I was driving his Fairlane, while I waited anxiously to buy my dream car...a silver 1955 Porsche 550 Spyder...just like James Dean's. I even wanted it customized with "Little Bastard" printed on the rear. That was going to set me back about $3,000...a little extravagant, perhaps, but that was my birthday gift to me.

With Ann and Fred already seated, I led Jake into the living room and placed him on the ottoman,

"Jake,,,it took me a long time to get JUST the graduation gift I wanted you to have...and though you may not know just how to use it yet...it does come with instructions...and a complete set of lessons you'll have to take...to get full advantage of my present."

"Good heavens! What did you buy me?"

"You remember how I spoke about hiring Steve from Erlanger hospital to help you with your daily living chores?"

"You've hired Steve to come live with us?"

"No, not Steve...'Mac'...Mac is going to live with us."

"And who's Mac?"

"Mac's waiting in the hallway to come into meet you."

I went out of the room for a moment."

"Jake...meet Mac...Mac...meet your new bed buddy, Jake."

I released the big 110 lb. Labrador Retriever and he went over to Jake and licked his face with a tongue that would've measured four inches across,

"He's been trained, Jake...He's been trained to see for you...and you will have to learn how to use him...what commands he answers to...and he'll become an extension of your right arm...and you will always be safe with him around,"

"Chuck, I love you so much."

"Careful, your parents are in the room...they can hear you..."

"That's OK, Chuck," said Fred.."Jake's not the only one that loves you..."

Ann walked over and hugged Jake and me...and patted the dog.

"Do you think the bed is big enough for the three of you?"

"Let's order a king size...OK?"

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The senior class had chosen the theme of the prom to be "an evening in Hollywood" and all the girls had worn period costumes or antebellum hoop skirts, a la "Gone With The Wind". The guys were all in black tails. and the most heart-wrenching surprise. Since the dance committer knew that Jake was coming...they had a requirement that everyone was to wear Hollywood star sunglasses. Even though Jake couldn't see they were making him the "norm", he cried out of gratitude when I told him. It was a sweet gesture in allowing him to "one of the gang" once again.

Marsha and I were able to fill their "no break" card with eight of her best girlfriends. The girls were all fussing about who would dance with Jake to what tune. He had become more popular now than ever before. I just wanted to make sure they were being "honest" and not making a freak show out of him. Jake was actually please by the attention he was receiving since he had spent the most of the past month at home. He hadn't been with his classmates since the accident...Jackie, Marsha, and I saw to it that no one said the wrong things or tried to treat him like a cripple.

The swing band began to play the first strains of "Love Is a Many-Spendored Thing" and Jake glided across the floor with Marsha,He had never danced this way when he could see. I stood there wanting to scratch my head in wonderment, watching him...he was the life of the party.

Everything was going better than I could have ever hoped, until the fifth "no break". It was a waltz, "Tammy". Marsha had scribbled in the names Lori and David, which meant that during that song, they would switch partners without anyone else being able to "break" or "cut" in. Lori was a floozy, to say the least. Everyone knew she tried to be sexy. She had to...she convinced everyone that she had the same measurements as Marilyn Monroe...36-24-36. During school days, she always wore the flared poodle skirts and the tight orlon sweaters with the Peter Pan collars, and the usual white turned down socks and brown and white saddle oxfords...but she always looked like if she had to sneeze, her breasts would pop right out of the sweater. She must have worn two sets of falsies because her bust wouldn't have measured under 40 inches and her I.Q. registered around room temperature in Alaska.

She and Jake had made around two turns and she began to pry.

"Does it hurt to be blind?" or "I just never knew anyone who was handicapped before"...or the lowest, "Does someone have to take you to the bathroom?".

If these remarks had come from anyone else, Jake would have been hurt and offended...but considering the source...he actually laughed out loud at Lori. I was so proud to see how well he was adjusting. I had read books and seen movies where Bette Davis or someone had lost their sight and had become bitter, went to bed, and lay there hating the world...But not my Jake...Ann, Fred, and I (including Jackie and Marsha), had done all we could to make him feel loved and life could go on as usual. Thank God, he accepted our love.

"Hey guy, do you need me to point you toward the little boys room?"

"Yeah, my bladder is about to burst from all that punch."

I led him to the door and said, "Do you remember where the stalls and urinals are located in the gym."

"I think, so."

"Well, you're facing the side wall...go to it."

There were many guys in the bathroom and when they saw Jake approaching the urinal on his own...they parted the way and let him through. They stood there in awe of his independence. I was beaming with pride...but the guys didn't know the real reason. Jake finished, zipped his pants, and returned to me at the door."

"Chuck?"

"Right here."

"How'd I do?"

"Just great but you've got to find a way from getting all those guys staring at you, so excited...It looked like you were trying to pick up one or two of them."

"Go to hell."

"It also looked like one or two of them would have gone with you."

"Oh yeah? Which ones."

"Never mind. I see now that when we're old and poor, I can "rent you out", become your pimp and you can pay our rent."

"Can anyone hear what you're saying?"

"No, you want them to? I can get on the P.A, system and make an announcement if you want me to."

"No...then no one can hear me then?"

"Good...It's just a chance to say I love you and wish we could dance together."

"That might be arranged."

"What?"

I went over to Jackie and Marsha and huddled explaining my scheme to them. They laughed and went around the room buzzing with the other girls. About fifteen minutes later, we heard Joanie Fields, the head of the dance committee making an announcement.

"Hey, y'all, listen up...this is the Hollywood Star Dance and we want to make it a little more Hollywood. During the next dance,,,every boy will have to pick a boy and every girl will have to pick a girl to be his or her dance partner. The girls squealed and the guys yelled in manly protest...then everyone smiled and made the joking gesture of picking out his favorite guy or gal. Everyone joined into a fun unit of activity. I had to laugh as some of the bookworm guys asked the big football players to dance, It must have been a fantasy come true for the "little guys" and maybe even, vice versa from some of the expressions I saw on the varsity team's faces. And without anyone knowing the method in my madness, I got to dance at the senior prom with my love. The song?...Marty Norris sang as the swing band played, "When I Fall In Love, It Will Be Forever". I held Jake closer than I should've perhaps, but no one suspected, they just thought I was supporting him during the dance. The night was perfect,

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It was four weeks until my birthday, My Spyder had been delivered, I had driven Jake over to Germantown Road, where the house was being resurrected and described how much had been constructed. The outside was almost completed. It was beautiful with white tile emphasizing the red brick. There was only one step leading into the front door. I had had them make the doors a little wider in case Jake and Mac wanted to enter a room at the same time. Jake had bonded with our new roommate, and Mac was one of the family now. Through the training sessions, Mac had earned Jake's trust, and Jake knew he could rely on Mac to make him a complete person.

After so much tragedy and heartbreaking problems, life was good now ...and in some ways, but certainly not all, things were better than before. I felt like Jake and I had matured by ten years.

After we had dropped the girls off, we returned home, to be greeted by Mac, who did his nightly duty of escorting us to the bedroom.

"Need any help getting out of you tux?" I asked Jake,

"You could hang it for me."

"Done."

"Chuck, can I ask you something will you give me a straight answer?"

"Try me."

"I've been thinking, and I don't know what to get you for your birthday?"

"You're all I need and want."

"You already have that...I want to give you something different."

"OK...how about a trip?"

"A trip?"

"Just you and me. We can leave Mac with Ann and Fred and we can get in the Spyder, and take off for a few days."

"Where to?"

"Oh...I was thinking maybe about driving to Indiana."

"Indiana?...Why there?"

"I want to visit James' grave."

"Wow,,,that would be super!"

"Do you think you're up to it?"

"Try and stop me."

Tonight, we didn't even bother with pajamas...the three of us got in bed, Mac being on the outside of Jake, This had become "his" favorite spot to sleep...and every night when we were alone, just the three of us. we were a family.

"Chuck?".

"Yeah?".

"I had fun tonight...no one in the world could've had a better prom."

"You deserved it."

"And how did you manage the boy-boy dance?"

"You can thank Jackie and Marsha for that...they did it."

"You know...they never got mad...after the way things turned out...I mean, between us."

"Yeah, that kinda amazed me to."

"You don't have any regrets about you and Jackie?"

"No more than you do about you and Marsha...They were wonderful the way they just "accepted" everything...Some day maybe, the whole world will "accept" us that way."

"You don't have any regrets about me, do you?"

"Not in a million years."

"I mean...am I ENOUGH for you...I mean...not a burden or anything?"

"You're enough for me in this lifetime and the next, if there is one...now...would you like to make love before you go to sleep?"

"That would be the perfect way to end a perfect night."

"OK...King of the Prom. Your wish is my command...what do you want to do?"

"Would it be all right if I fucked you tonight?"

"Jake, you never have to ask that...we belong to each other...every thought, word, deed, or body part...I am yours forever and ever."

"I can't get enough of you...I just wish I could look into your eyes."

"If you looked into my eyes, all you would see is you."

Jake reached over and patted Mac and said, "Stay."

Then he turned me over on my right side and cradled me from behind. He pressed his manhood into the crack of my butt and I felt him start to rise, becoming bigger as he slipped between my cheeks. His left arm went over my left hip and he reached down to grab my mounting cock,

"Do you think spit will be enough, or do we need some Vaseline?"

"Let's do it au naturale...nothing artificial,"

He spit in his right hand and covered his glans and my anus with saliva, before entering me. I could swear his penis had grown an inch or two in the past month...the constant exercising must be building up his penile muscles. His insertion had become easier as I had become accustomed to it. I longed now for him being inside me. The uniting made us one person. Sometimes I didn't even want him to start a motion. It was stimulating enough just feeling him in my love chute. I wished that he could melt inside me with hot sperm and weld our bodies together forever. But this new thrill of Jake's was too much for him. He was like a kid finding his first rocking horse underneath the Christmas tree. He was anxious to get pleasure, and I was all too pleased to give it to him. He pumped my cock with his fist and he plunged in and out of me, all the while nibbling and kissing my back with his hungry lips.

Mac never moved. He didn't know what we were doing, but he must've felt it was therapeutic and something his master enjoyed. Jake, with practice, had learned just how to angle his projectile to strike my prostate with each forward lunge. He had become an expert. I had learned to love this feeling almost as much as oral sex. I had never experienced this before Jake...and the novelty of it was now a priority in our sexuality. I could ejaculate now without the aid of hand or mouth, The explosion of our semen was like the culmination of passion. He couldn't wait to fill my insides with his intimate juices that only I had received. I didn't even want to clean myself when he was through, I just knew that the liquid he spewed in me was the recipe he had made in his fantasies. I filled his palm and dripped my love milk all over his fingers and wrist. He moved his sticky hand to his mouth and began to lick each finger as if I had just made frosting for a cake.

"Want some?"

"If you'll feed it to me like a momma bird."

"Open up, little birdie."

He poked his tongue into my mouth covering my tongue with my own jism. We both licked and swallowed, followed by a long series of kisses.

"God, how I love you!"

"And I love you, too,"

When the deed was done, We both lay back to rest,

"Chuck, can I ask you something else?"

"Uh oh..."

"Tonight in the bathroom at the gym, were the other guys staring at me, going to the bathroom?"

"Just the ones that wanted to get a closer look at your dick."

"Are you serious?"

"Sure," I said, while lying and joking at the same time.

"Who, for pete's sake?"

"Oh, I saw several of them eyeing you,..but mainly it was Jeff Thomas..."

"The quarterback?"

"Yeah...but he won't ever try again."

"Why...what did you say to him."

"I took him outside the gym and told him that only I was allowed to suck your dick and if he ever looked at it again, I would beat him to a pulp."

"You told him that you sucked my dick?"

"Only when it wasn't slid up my ass."

"You didn't!!"

"Gotcha!!"

"You fruitcake...you scared the shit out of me."

"It wouldn't surprise me though,,,I mean about Jeff being interested. I heard rumors about him and Chad Sawyer...the guy whose balls he touches every time he has the ball centered to him."

"You heard that they do the same things we do?"

"Yep."

"I told you, guys get horny, around virgin girlfriends...You ought to know."

"Let me know if you hear about anyone else?"

"Why?"

"I don't know...safety in numbers. or something like that."

"You want me to see if they'll double date with us?"

"Chuck, you are a clown! I never know when you're being serious."

"That's something we'll have to work on.,,now let's go to sleep. You have to bone up tomorrow for you finals on Monday."

"God, I hope I pass everything."

"There's no doubt in my mind that you won't."

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The exams were over. We had passed everything with flying colors, and today was the day we were going to Memorial Auditorium to practice graduation exercises.

"Do you want Mac to lead you across the stage...or do you want me?"

"Neither, I want you to drill me over and over...how many steps to take...when to turn...when to put out my hand to receive my diploma...I want to do it alone...without anyone helping me."

How could I fight determination such as that? I drove him downtown two hours early. The auditorium was empty and I took him to the stage and we went through the graduation routine, over and over, until I felt I could do it with my eyes closed. The only thing I worried about, was if he walked on the wrong plane across the 100 foot stage he could fall into an orchestra pit 12 feet below.

Friday night came and the grand old coliseum filled up all 5,000 seats with students, teachers, alums, parents, and friends. The familiar strains of "Pomp and Circumstance" echoed across the big room as we marched in and took our seats on the stage. I walked closely behind Jake in case he needed guidance or has lost count on the number of steps. We suffered though the salutatory and valedictory addresses, followed by a non-political, political speech delivered by Gov. Frank Clement, who was running for re-election. And then it was time to receive our diplomas. The one thing I had forgotten...our names would be called alphabetically and guess who was first? "A" as in "Abrams". There would be no one for him to follow. He would have to lead the way, by himself, My stomach muscles tensed up as I heard Dean Henderson call out...our first graduate...Jacob Abrams. There was applause as Jake stood up, turned 90 degrees to the right and started counting 73 steps to reach the speakers' podium. He held his head high and walked with more assurance and his confidence building with each step...but the sound of the applause was growing in intensity. They stood up to cheer Jake on for his courage and fortitude. Ann and Fred were in the second row,,,each of them crying,,,as was I...and Jackie...and Marsha...just as we all use to cry together at the movies, I knew Jake was proud of himself...but I was prouder.

Ten days later, Jake and I had the Spyder packed as full as we could get it as we spun out of his driveway and headed 575 north toward Indiana.

I could still hear Fred crying out as he waved, "Be careful, boys. Chuck, please drive safely!". We were on our way to Park Cemetary in Fairmount, Indiana to pay homage our idol...James Dean,

Next: Chapter 6


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