Chapter 8
Kevin shut the door of his house, and sighed with relief as he looked round.
It was strange how if you hadn't seen your house for a few weeks, all the colours seemed to jump out at you as you looked round. Colours aside, however, he had never been so glad to see the inside of a house before. He'd somehow managed to survive that awful tour, and now the next few weeks should be a breeze. A couple of publicity stints, and formulating ideas for the new album. Hell, he might even manage to fit in an appearance with his family. Wouldn't that be something?
The first place he went was his bedroom. He'd missed the privacy that having your own room brought, and Brian wasn't exactly the most ideal roommate. For a start, he was damn untidy, and secondly, every time Kevin looked at him, he felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt wash over himself.
Kevin walked over to the double bed and lay down, fully clothed. Kicking off his shoes, and making a mental note to tidy them up later, he shut his eyes and thought about everything that had happened on this tour. Actually, not much had happened after Nick's revelation. Kevin expected things to get painstakingly uncomfortable after he'd admitted to Nick that he loved him, but Nick had been great. There was an understanding between them now, that Kevin hadn't expected. It didn't stop Nick thinking about Brian, however, and Kevin told himself he had to accept that. Kevin's deceitful actions never played on his mind too greatly during the day. It was actually extremely easy to forget that he was keeping two people hopelessly in love with each other apart. But at night, he would lay awake wondering how he could be so heartless. Then he would think of Nick's beautiful smile, and crystal blue eyes and know. How twisted was that?
When you look into a mirror for too long, you start to see someone different, someone you didn't recognise. Nick stared at himself and wondered if this was what people saw when they looked at him. He hated his face, and would constantly wonder why so many girls seemed to love it so much. His smile, his cheekbones, it just looked all wrong. His eyes were the only feature he didn't mind too much, but even they were usually inexpressive.
"What does Kevin see that Brian doesn't?" He asked under his breath. How could one person be capable of loving him that much, while another person would never notice him as anything more than a friend. Because Brian isn't gay, Nick answered himself inwardly. And even if he was, he still wouldn't. Because someone can't love me like that. Apart from Kevin.
Apart from Kevin. The words played in his mind, and he tried to picture him and Kevin together. Nick had imagined himself with all of his band-members in the past, but Kevin was one he'd always remained perplexed about. Sure, once you got past the brows he was good-looking, but looks aside, Nick couldn't imagine him in a sexual way. There was no chemistry, no spark. Nick had always trusted Kevin, looked to him for advice, and in a way he had become a surrogate older brother, something that Nick had never had. But love in a sexual sense? It wasn't altogether impossible, but it didn't seem right thinking about it. But Kevin had been. Had been for a couple of years now, he'd confessed. A couple of years. How could anyone have loved me for that long, Nick wondered. What is there to love? Someone like Brian, Nick would remain devoted to for the rest of his life. Because Brian was so easy to fall in love with. But as Nick looked in the mirror, he failed to see how someone could be capable of loving him. As the tears that had become a daily occurrence now rolled down his cheeks, he turned away and flung himself onto his bed. All he wanted was love. He just wished it was with the person he couldn't have.
He was so lost in his silent tears, he didn't notice his cell phone ringing until his disgruntled sister who was trying to sleep in the next room shouted at him to answer it. Blinking, he reached over into his bed-side cabinet and pulled it out of the open drawer. Sighing, he saw it was Brian calling from his home.
"Hey Bri." Nick answered the phone.
"Hi Nicky." Brian answered back. There was a pause. Nick took it as a sign to speak again.
"Um, is something up?" He asked.
"No, no. Course not." Brian protested.
"Then, um, why'd ya ring?"
"Oh right." He heard Brian take a breath, and wondered what the hell was going on. "I just wanted to, like, apologise for acting like such a dickhead on this tour."
"Bit late now." Nick said softly. He didn't care if he was being immature, Brian had really upset him. The whole room-swapping thing hadn't been too bad, but Brian had barely spoken to him after it happened.
"Nicky, don't be like that. I'm really sorry, I swear."
"Brian, I don't know what I did wrong, but you were a total bastard that whole tour. None of us wanted to do it, but that didn't mean you had to take it out on me." Nick's voice rose.
"It wasn't like that." Brian stated miserably. "I didn't mean to, I just didn't think."
"I noticed." Nick laughed wryly. He was reminded of the sleepless nights that tour had brought, laying awake wondering, crying, asking. None of it had made a difference, and every day he had to wake up and face a non-syllabic Brian. It had been pure hell.
"Okay Nick, fuck this." Brian retorted nastily. "I'm not gonna grovel to a whiny little brat."
"Well fuck you too." Nick's tears caught in his throat. "It was your fault, not mine."
"Oh yeah, it's always someone else's fault." Brian sneered. "Just cos you can't open those eyes wide enough to see what's happening around you. Grow up Nick. You can't be a baby all your life." And with that he hung up. Nick stared at the cell phone, angry tears rolling down his eyes, quickly turning to tears of despair. He couldn't take this anymore, he really couldn't. Standing up, he grabbed his coat and ran out of his room, down the stairs and out of the house, ignoring the questioning shouts from his mum and dad. It was pouring with rain outside, and as it ran down Nick's face he looked up to the heavens, hoping it would wash away the dirt that clung to him like the plague.
Kevin rolled over in his bed and groaned as he heard the distinctive sound of his doorbell ringing. Maybe they'll go away, he thought to himself, but the ringing grew more persistent the longer he left it. Finally he got up, switching on the lamp by his bed and trampled slowly out of the room, opening the front door. On the other side, Nick stood. He was absolutely soaked, and his eyes were red with crying, but to Kevin he had never looked so beautiful.
"Nick." He said, with amazement. "What the hell are you doing here? You're soaked."
"Yeah, that's what happens when you walk five miles in the pouring rain." Nick answered. "Can I come in?"
"Of course." Kevin led him in. He was shivering, and his lips had a blue tinge to them.
"I'm sorry." Nick said when they were standing in the hallway. "I didn't have anywhere else to go."
"Shhh, it's okay." Kevin assured him. "But what happened?"
"Me and Brian had an argument." Nick sighed.
"Well, forget about it for now. Let's get you out of those clothes." Kevin led him to the bedroom and hunted about for some dry clothes. He handed them to Nick, who coughed uncomfortably. Kevin took the hint. "I'll get out of here, sorry." He apologised. "Let me just get you a towel."
"Okay." Nick walked into the living room, where Kevin was sat, half-watching the T.V, half wondering what the hell was happening. "Thanks for the clothes."
"It's okay." Kevin smiled at him. Nick sat down in the chair facing him. "Does your mum know you're here?"
"No." Nick shook his head. "But I don't care. I'm old enough to go off occasionally without telling her."
"Fine, but don't blame me if she calls all angry and demands you come home."
"She won't." Nick assured him. He shivered and rubbed his arms.
"You still cold?"
"I'm okay." Nick shook his head.
"Was the argument bad?" Kevin asked. He wished he didn't have to ask, but it would look strange if he didn't.
"Not especially, but bad for us." Nick's eyes glazed over. "Why does it have to be like this?"
"I don't know Nicky." Kevin whispered. He walked over to where Nick was sat and crouched down beside him, putting his arm round him. Nick leaned against him, nestling his head in Kevin's chest. It felt so right, so perfect, Kevin thought he would die from sheer happiness.
"I wanna love you so much, Kevin." Nick whispered.
"Maybe you could, in time." Kevin swallowed.
"Do you think?"
"Yeah, I do." Kevin nodded. Nick pulled away slightly and turned round to look at him.
"I do too." Nick shut his eyes and leaned in. Kevin responded instantly, and pressed his lips against Nick's. They kissed for over two minutes, until Nick pulled away, shaking his head.
"What?" Kevin asked.
"I can't. I can't do it to you, it isn't fair."
"Nick, I love you." Kevin told him. "I've dreamed about this moment for so long, so hard."
"But I love Brian." Nick sobbed.
"I'll make it all okay." Kevin told him. "I want you and me, it's a possibility. You and Brian aren't."
"I wanted him to be my first." Nick whispered. "But he never will be, will he?"
"I don't think so." Kevin shook his head.
"Be mine then, Kevin. Be my first." Nick swallowed. "Tonight."
"Are you sure?" Kevin asked, scarcely wanting to believe it.
"Yes." Nick nodded. "I want someone to love me. You love me, don't you?"
"Nick, every time I see you I fall in love again." Kevin told him, and it was true. Every time he looked at Nick he could feel himself falling deeper.
"Then I'm ready." Nick smiled through his tears. "Cos I'm sure that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever gonna say to me." They kissed again, and this time it was more passionate, more desperate. As Kevin's hands travelled over Nick's body, as he pulled Nick's t-shirt over his head, he felt completely content for the first time in years.
Woe, Kevin finally got some!!! Well, it should keep all the Kevin and Nick fans happy, I suppose. But let me warn you, his actions are gonna have serious consequences. You thought this story was depressing so far? You ain't seen nothing yet!