This story, depicting sex between a consenting seventeen-year-old male and other consenting males, if this subject offends you or is illegal in your area please do not read. This story will also deal with sexual assault, child neglect ( emotional), Anti-LGBT Bigotry, Racism, Ableism, Discrimination and other possibly sensitive topics.this story is fiction and completely a product of my imagination. The author retains all rights to this work. If you enjoy it, oir wish to contact me, or tell me what you think, questions etc please tell me so at SaudadeSurvivor@gmail.com
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Ch.1 nowhere to go, but places to be
That sound, that familiar sound, a screeching ring. I woke up to the sound of my phone's alarm going off. Groggily looking around the dark room, and remembering where I was, what I did last night. Finally shaking the sleep from my eyes, I start grasping for my phone to silence the damn thing. Just out of reach on the floor, I pulled the tight grip of the thick arm around my winestem waist , the movement and sound of the alarm waking him up. Grasping the phone finally I look at the time of the screen through blurry eyes. With a sigh I swing up to a sitting position, 2:00 Am. shaking my head to remove some of the sleep I stand up, pulling on my leather pants from last night with a groan.
"Ugh, hey come back to bed gorgeous..." My burley bedmate croaked out.
Continuing getting dressed I look over at the forty something man , his muscular frame barely covered by the thin sheets.
"ah nah! i gotta go, i can't stay any longer big guy"
He grabbed my hand as i finished putting on my Cropped Slipknot tee "Come on sweet thing, my wife won't even be home until monday, come back and stay...i'll make it worth your while"
Rolling my eyes with a frown and irritated groan I wrenched my hand out from his grasp " I told you, and im not gonna say it again, im no fuckin whore!" I curtly remark in response.
" yeah yeah i know i know" he gruffly respond.
" listen, if you can't take no for an answer the first time" i retort " i'm not coming back again"
All I heard was a rough grunt in response as I finished tying my high tops, grabbing my bag and running out.
Trotting out of the Front door I'd jump into my old 59 Series 62 Cadillac as I searched my bag for my cigarettes. This car is probably the only good thing that I got from my grandfather, not that I really knew how to even take care of the thing. I started driving down the Still Dark morning streets of Santa monica. I always loved driving this time of night...hell i always loved this time of night! No one, or at least nearly no one around, just the quiet dark streets, not yet morning but no longer the night before. I found that even in the most populated places this was always a constant. Finding the container of smokes in my bag I flip it open only to find the last Dart in the pack. "I need to pick some more up before I go home", I thought to myself as I lit up using the outlet Lighter.
Taking a slow ,long, intake of nicotine I ran the stiletto Nails Of my fingers through my scalp. My Strawberry neck length hair waving back and forth from the wind, the curls becoming even more wild than they usually are when not in motion. I couldn't help but give a heavy sigh as I looked in the rearview mirror during the red light In Front of me. Last night's eyeliner and mascara was a total mess from the encounter with my older playmate.
Why do I keep putting myself through these "walks of shame" so often?
"Because no one would have or want you for anything else." my mind answering myself as it so frequently did in my mental dialogue. But I was right. No one would want anyone like me for much else but Someone to warm their bed. No one in my entire life ever seemed to give me the time of day if it wasn't for a quick rough fuck. Who would or even could love such a scrawny, girly faggot like myself? Hell, even my Parents, before the accident, never gave me any attention unless I was doing something I shouldn't be doing, and well, now they couldn't give me any Attention even if they wanted to.
Seeing my smoking Reflection in the mirror I can't help but think of when I started the filthy habit. I had originally picked up smoking hoping that it would get my Parents Attention. My parents didn't even blink an eye, my dad didn't even notice me smoking the cigarette in the Informal Sitting room, He merely grabbed the pack off the table, lit one and tossed it back towards me. He didn't even give me a second glance, as if I wasn't even there! My Governess Geneve had more of a fit than him. Now it just became a force of habit mixed with the Addictive substances and the ritual of it all.
I feel bad about Geneve when I really think about it. I gave her so much shit she didn't deserve, Taking my Anger out on her and the rest of the staff out of frustration. Now all I need to do is bring up tinder or Grindr when i want attention and that ends with fewer broken plates and vases. Now I can't even remember what my mother and father's voices sounded like! If I didn't have a couple of photographs and having it not even happened that many months ago I doubt I would even remember their faces.
I parked in my usual place next to where my aunt's Beat up Sedan is usually parked. knowing anyone who passed by when both cars were perched on the driveway in the rare occasions of both of us being home at the same time wouldn't be able to help but gawk at such a difference in vehicular taste or class level. I'm pretty sure anyone who wasn't used to seeing my Cadillac in the driveway would take a second glance at such a car being out in front of this small bungalow ,that might as well be a shack that my estranged aunt called home.
The place I now called residence, as it never has felt like a home to me, was a run down little thing. The dark green paint flaked from the salty wind that was Santa Monica's weather. The wood underneath that paint is doing barely any better with the lack of renovation or upkeep. Living in such a place has definitely put things in perspective, though any normal house would if, like me, you were practically getting lost every time you tried to go to your room each night, an exaggeration, but not far off. My parents had been quite well off and always liked to show it with the size of their purchases, large cars, large houses, they go with large bank accounts after all. The only thing that my parents ended up having that wasn't large and extravagant was their only son, me. At only 5'6 and as skinny as a rake, one would think that a simple breeze could push my nearly skeletal frame over.
I merely jumped out of my car and walked to the front door, throwing my bag on the Mirror-backed Bench in the front with a tired sigh. The house was, as it always is, dark and quiet. Making my way down to my room, the illustrious basement. I once again peeled off my clothes from last night, before walking into the en suite bathroom and starting the hot Water.
Even Though I was a night owl I knew I would have to get my Sleeping habits back to a normal night schedule with the upcoming school year just ahead. Even as a Senior I still loathed the fact of starting my last year at a completely new school, however short of a 364 days it would be before I could leave this place.
I slowly washed my hair, as I practically swayed under the warm water. The Refreshing feeling running down my pale flesh. I loved a nice warm shower in the late hours of the night. Such showers always seemed to feel more intimate, and relaxing than having a shower right after waking up in the morning.
As I turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and beginning to dry myself off I heard the unmistakable sound of my aunt slamming the front door as she arrived. She was always in a bad mood when she was up late at night, and seeing as she was a night shift nurse, that made her pretty much an angry bitch 24/7. The benefit of her schedule though was something I couldn't ignore. Since she worked nights it meant we rarely saw each other and with how nosey and obnoxious she is I was quite content with such a schedule, let alone the privacy meant that as long as I arrived home before her she wouldn't be any the wiser of my...extracurricular activities when I'm feeling lonely.
After I finished drying off I simply crawled into the warm heavy covers of my queen size bed to quickly fall back asleep, Sunday mornings like most of my mornings these days would be nice and lazy.
I woke up not long after my head hit the pillow, a mere three hours later, from a loud knock at the door to the basement. "Alexi, are you awake?" came the loud screech from my aunt.
"Ugh! I am NOW!" I yell back frustratingly, leaning up from underneath the warm cozy duvet onto my shoulders to the dim room around me, the sounds of birds faintly coming in from the covered basement window to the left of my bed frame. The door opened and my aunt Lynda came trotting down the steps before peeking around from the staircase wall " Alexi i need you to get upstairs i have some stuff we need to go over for tomorrow" she stated with a flat frown. Not even an apology for such a rude wakeup.
Shaking my head I simply threw myself out of bed with a roll and a yawn. " yeah i'll uh, i'll be up once i'm dressed" i stated curtly back with an equally annoyed frown as she turned to leave once she noticed i was not wearing any clothes. "...And I told you to stop calling me that! It's alex!" I yell up with a scowl.
I go to my dresser, and pull out a simple pair of black boot cuts, buckled winklepickers, and one of the many torn Band tees I Hoarded. Although my surroundings have changed, my furniture from my parents estate has not, though now the Art Deco furniture looked as if it was merely kept down here for storage with how out of place it looked, the only thing giving it away to currently being used and not stored here is the clothes and other belongings strewn around the place.
Practically running up the old wooden stairs I turn abruptly to the left, as I go straight to the fridge to pull out a packet of orange juice. My aunt seemed to be making some sort of sandwich that , to the looks of it, utilized every single thing in the fridge that could possibly be placed on bread. I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose at the abomination of a sandwich as I plopped down in the Bar stool in front of her.
"You called me Lydia? What's on your mind?" I asked as I began to drink down the refreshing juice.
Looking over at me with her signature frown she would grab a folder from the side of the counter and toss it in front of me. " Here, I picked up your schedule and other paperwork you'll Need for school tomorrow" she would reply with a gesture to the folder. Opening the folder there seemed to be my class schedule, a locker number and a couple forms that seemed to be filled out by my aunt.
" make sure you drop those papers off at the office tomorrow morning before you go to your classes" she would practically order before taking a large bite of her food.
" ah sure i guess, what time am i even supposed to be there?" I inquired while looking through the folders contents once more before closing the manilla folder.
" seven, but go early so I don't have to hear them complain at me if you get lost"
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that comment. She always seemed to care more about the things that could inconvenience her, rather than trying to be actually caring towards me, or anyone else for that matter.
Looking at me from under her glasses she would continue "Also if you're going to sneak out after I leave for work you can at Least keep the goddamn door locked, I don't need anyone waltzing in here and robbing the place" .
I instinctively gave a scowl in return, not deigning to even respond with anything else as I turned around and made sure to shove the Folder in the well used Leather Courier Bag I dropped at the bench near the front door earlier.
I quickly went back downstairs to finish getting ready. I refused to leave the house without fixing my makeup. After growing up jumping from private school to private school, you couldn't force me to wear a uniform, cut my hair, or NOT wear make up even if you put a gun to my head. I never knew why but ever since I was young, even though my Nanny tried to stop me to no avail, I always enjoyed playing with my mother's makeup. I guess it was only natural that I'd be obsessed with it once I got the freedom to dress how I wanted.
After I had got my eyeliner to my liking, I ran upstairs, throwing a rather oversized black bomber Jacket around my shoulders that I could feel a bit safer in. Larger jackets that had me practically swimming in them always seemed to give me comfort. Jumping into my car I took off. It was still pretty early in the morning, so I decided, fuck it, why not just go enjoy the cool morning breeze at the Boardwalk.
Rummaging through my bag as I start my car I find my pack of Marlboro reds, opening up the small package to take one out only to realize the lack of any in the packet. "ah god damnit, I knew I was forgetting to pick something up last night" I say to myself out loud. Just means one more stop before the Boardwalk I guess.
My thoughts kept going back to my first couple of nights here in Santa Monica. Though I've only been here for about a month there was one thing in abundance around here and that was guys that seemed to want to experiment. Though I haven't had a shortage of men interested in enjoying a nice night, as the many apps I've been using have shown me, Every single one seems to end the same. One and done, well, aside from the married Guy I was with last night. The sex is good but I always feel bad about him being Married. We weren't on a first name basis or anything, merely going off of our screen names was enough. Last night was the fifth time we hooked up. I never saw much of a reason to get too entangled in the lives of someone who was merely there for a good fuck and nothing else.
Pulling into the nearest 7-11, I quickly got out and ran inside, not really caring to look around at any of the others getting gas or loitering outside this early. I was surprised to see a line to the counter though. Getting in line I pulled out my phone to check the different messages on the few apps I had downloaded since I got here. I couldn't help but shake my head with a smirk .Talk about a confidence booster. I had seven messages on one app alone! I knew I'd feel sick with myself after each encounter but it was flattering to be wanted by these men. I already accepted that this was the only way I'd feel loved by another man anyway, or anyone for that matter.
I started looking at the different messages from guys near my location. Most were definitely not my type or didn't even have a single photo which is a big no no for me. I was brought back to my surroundings with the sound of the door chime, and the sound of three rather deep voices laughing.
My head shot up at the sound, I couldn't help but stare at the three most gorgeous guys I'd ever seen. All three well built guys seemed to have a tan complexion that made me think they were from somewhere in north Africa or near the middle east, the one on the left seemed to have warm caramel colored eyes, with deep brown hair up in a top knot, probably 5'9, the one on the right who seemed to be laughing the loudest, although the more burley of the three was maybe the same height as me at 5'6 with a tight black buzz cut, and eyes as deep green as the waters of the Mississippi swamps. The one in the middle, at somewhere over 6ft, had to be the most beautiful yet domineering guy I had ever seen. With a well built frame any football player would be jealous of, a perfectly quaffed chestnut pompadour, strong defined jaw with the darkest eyes I'd ever seen. I couldn't stop staring at this sheer Adonis of a man just a few feet away from me, the now probably very prominent tent in the front of my pants causing my red face to deepen even more red at the realization of its presence. I couldn't help but drink him in with my transfixed gaze, my bright blue eyes caressing over his well built frame, noticing the rather thick bulge in the front of his tight fitting jeans.
As I looked back at his handsome mug, that strong noble nose, perfect thick lips surrounded by the start of a dark subtle stubble of hair. Cheekbones that could cut glass. His looks and demeanor screamed danger and dominance yet the softness of his eyes and body language caused a feeling of safety. The well defined bulging arms, the veritable 8 pack under his skin tight blue v-neck made my mouth water with want, and my heart fluttered with a feeling of emotional desire for this man. Though he couldn't have been much older than me , maybe a year at most, that's what he was, a total man. I felt the strong urge to look away. Quickly dropping my eyes to the ground Infront of me as I noticed him looking back " fuck I just got caught blatantly checking out this hot stranger" I thought as I fidgeted in my spot in line.
I looked down at the linoleum floor like it was a piece of fine art that grabbed my attention. The three men were moving back to the isles of junk food and Energy drinks grabbing a handful of snacks that would look like enough food for a whole party, not just three young adults. I could feel the tallest guy's eyes boring a hole through the back of my head the whole time. I need to be more careful. Guys have beaten the shit out of me for less, I'm sure I'll have to deal with jerks at school because of my effeminate taste in my looks tomorrow like was always the case in the myriad of private schools I had been jumping from before the accident. I didn't need to be getting jumped by strangers on top of that.
I tried to get my breathing under control as I finally reached the cashier, taking glances at the three guys in the mini Mart until each one right after the other lined up behind me. I quickly shook my head out of this weird feeling before asking the cashier for my Marlboro reds, showing the acne-pocked cashier the fake license I had gotten before moving here, when he asked for it before paying and quickly making my way out the door to my car. Just one more year and I wouldn't even need the damn thing. As I settled into the leather of my Cadillac I quickly lit a stick with shaking hands before looking up with a deep inhale of the sweet nicotine.
The second my head looked forward I froze. The guy in the middle of the other two was very sternly looking at me. Our eyes met as he seemed to be looking with a hardened puzzled expression on his handsome face. It felt as if his gaze was piercing through to my very soul. I nearly dropped the lit cigarette betwixt my lips and into my lap before quickly pressing my lips tighter, starting the engine and quickly peeling out of there .
" What the fuck was that?" I thought out loud as I quickly took another deep inhale of the cigarette, before a slow exhale. I could still feel that heavy stare on my skin as I sped down towards the beach and my destination; the Santa Monica boardwalk.
The boardwalk has always been a favorite place of mine, especially when I just wanted to sit and relax.I always found myself coming here ever since I moved to Santa Monica. I'd come here to get away from my aunt when she was home and In one of her sour moods. I enjoyed people watching, the large crowds and being able to just look at others as they go about their day makes me feel less of an "other". I'm so used to being the person that others stare at. With people watching it lets me imagine that there's a glass sheet between me and them, that I can be safe and just observe without always being the one that is scrutinized under the microscope. I loved the crowds as it made watching others easier. Even this early at nearly 8 in the morning the place was seemingly packed with mostly tourists hoping to get in the sights and various activities the place had to offer before the sun was fully out. The fact that it was so downcast made me shake my head. Why so many tourists would want to be at a BEACH without any sun boggled the mind.
The bench I chose had a perfect view of the famous ferris wheel and multitude of shops. I wondered how long it would be before the sun fully rose. So far the place was simply lit in the sunlight of the cloudy morning. A truly gray affair.
The phone in my pocket gave a quick buzz letting me know I had a notification. Taking out the thin device I looked at who or what was crying for my attention. A new message on Grindr showed promptly on the screen as I unlocked the device.
"Fuck me!" I verbally acknowledge under my breath, the positively mouth watering photo of a pale six packed torso staring back at me from the sender of the new message. I sent back an emoji of wide eyes to which they responded:
Abs: hey there thin thing, looking for some fun?
The guy clearly remarking of my profile photo, a picture of my nearly-nothing waist line and skinny chest with it's pink nipples visible
Me: with a six pack like that? God yes you don't even need to ask!
Abs: says you're not that far away. Meet me under the boardwalk below the lemonade stand and we can have some private fun cute stuff.
Me: you got it! I'll be there as quickly as my legs can take me drooling emoji
After my response I quickly jumped up and put my phone in the back pocket of my tight jeans. Quickly speed walking to where the boardwalk met the beach line. Walking underneath the tall posts holding up the planks as I quickly headed over in the direction of the lemonade stand he spoke about, which was near where the sand underneath the boardwalk sloped up where the road met the wood walkway.
The lighting was near nothing down here with how little light there was up top. I waited a couple minutes before pulling out my phone.
Me: hey I'm here but I don't see you? Where are you? I inquire , waiting for a response as I look left and right for my well fit suitor.
Message seen
After five more minutes of waiting with a no show and no response I started to get a bit heated at the thought that some random guy fucking with me by standing me up. I started to type out a rather nasty set of expletives at the profile for standing me up when suddenly a strong hand covered my mouth in a rough grip eliciting a muffled scream from me as a second arm grasps around my lithe waist yanking me backwards against a large frame causing me to drop my phone to the dank sand In Front of me with a thud.
I tried to wrestle myself out of the grip of my assailant to no avail as it seemed to be as strong as iron. I mentally reprimanded myself for being so fucking stupid. Going to such a dark secluded place to meet some random stranger because I was so horny. Here I was probably going to be raped or mugged, possibly murdered by some sicko.
My heart felt like it was going to burst from the confines of its home in my chest. I could feel the sheer terror rush through my veins with adrenaline. I had been so excited to feel like I was wanted again that I had foolishly let this happen. I had gone to this secluded, dark, off-the-beaten-path location to find a quick fun, endorphin kick, I hadn't even thought of how dangerous it was. Would I be ruined and left to die? Or would they want to finish me off themselves?
The only thing that kept running through my mind was how even though I didn't deserve it, and that I wouldn't have ever found it anyways, I would die before ever finding love. I would never get the chance to experience a first date. I would never get to have that feeling of a quickened heartbeat flush with crimson cheeks from the gentle caress of a true love's hand against my own. I would never get to wake up next to that special someone, look over at their sleeping face and think "God I am the luckiest guy in the world"
After what felt like five minutes of struggling, though it was actually more like five seconds, the strong grip tightened even more, causing what would surely be bruises from holding me in place as I struggled to get away.
As I tried to elbow my assailant I froze up abruptly at the feeling of a searing sharp pain in my neck. The sensation was more painful than anything I could remember. Hot tears seared the skin of my cheeks as my screaming caught in my throat from such a stinging pain. The cold hand gripping my face like a vice was so pale I found myself wondering why they would wear body paint this time of year, or maybe they just really caked on the sunscreen?
Just as quickly as it started the pain subsided, being replaced by a sensation I could only describe as euphoric bliss. The feeling of pure sexual energy caused me to embarrassingly and abruptly climax in my pants before my eyes felt heavy. My body felt drained. And everything went black...