Here is the long awaited chapter. I apologize for the long delay, i've had a lot going on. I hope it was worth the wait. Let me know what you think. email me at rysh1422@aol.com or visit my web site at www.familyshoebox.com/family/bleeding-hearts and leave a note in the guestbook.
Chapter 17
My mouth was moving but nothing was coming out. How was I going to explain this? Jake would find out I watched him change and he'd be mad at me, maybe even stop talking to me.
"Killian, I'm kidding," he said, grinning, "I knew you were there the whole time. Did you enjoy the show?"
"You...you knew?" I couldn't believe what I'd just heard.
"I saw your reflection in the window. Do you think I always change out in the middle of the yard?" he laughed. "I wanted to see how far I could go before you said something."
I blushed and he laughed even harder. Suddenly, he stepped in close to me and kissed me softly on the lips, then stepped quickly around me and walked away down the path towards the house. I stood where I was until I'd calmed down enough to follow him. I caught up to him near the back door.
"By the way," he said when I came up alongside of him. He didn't sound quite so pleased with himself now. "Don't expect a repeat performance anytime soon."
"I-I-I d-don't," I stuttered and he giggled again.
"Oh, and one more thing," he said with his hand on the doorknob, "Don't worry about Todd." I opened my mouth to say something, but he gave me a look that effectively said 'shut up' and then went inside.
I followed him in, wondering the whole time where the nervous, self-conscious kid from the other day had gone. This confident tease was another whole side of Jake that I hadn't even known existed. Obviously, I still had a lot to learn about my new friend.
"Come on up to my room," he said, so I followed him up to his room, which he apparently shared with Todd. He sat on one of the beds and I decided it might be wise to keep a little distance, at least until I'd figured him out a little more, so I sat on the chair at the small desk that was positioned between the two beds.
We both sat there for a few seconds in an awkward silence. Jake suddenly wasn't looking so sure of himself. The seconds stretched into minutes with neither of us saying anything and Jake began to squirm and even had the grace to look a little queasy. I was enjoying the sudden shift in power until I realized how sleazy that was and then I just felt guilty. So I decided to break the silence, at the exact same second Jake spoke up.
"So, you wanted to talk about..." I started as he blurted out, "Killian, I'm so sorry!"
"Sorry?" I repeated stupidly.
"For that whole thing down by the boathouse. I can't believe I did that," he was almost in tears and his hands had started shaking. "That was so not like me."
"It's...ok," I said feeling very lame, "Let's just forget about." Oh yeah, like I could forget what I had seen; forget how beautiful his body was.
He looked up at me through these incredibly thick, black lashes and I felt as if he were looking into my soul. Our eyes locked for several seconds before I started blushing again and looked away.
"Why are you blushing?" he asked me.
"Let's talk about something else," I suggested, ever so subtle as usual.
"Why are you always avoiding my questions?" he asked me.
"Why are you always asking such personal questions?" I countered.
We stared at each other for a few seconds before I cracked and smiled. He quickly followed suit and in no time things were relaxed and we were comfortable with each other again.
"So," I thought I'd try again, "you said you wanted to talk to me about the other person that you saw talking to Seth."
"Well...yeah...about that..."
"Jake, don't tell me you're backing out on me now."
"Not backing out so much as offering a rain check," he said with an apologetic, lopsided smile. He was the undisputed king of lopsided smiles. I found that I couldn't even be upset with him.
I sighed. Might as well give in with dignity, I thought. "So what is it now?"
"Well, the person in question asked me to hold off for now so they can talk to you themselves."
"They? How many people are we talking about here?"
"Just one, I'm trying to keep things gender neutral," he grinned at me.
"You weren't trying to keep things gender neutral outside," I teased. I was surprised when he blushed a fetching shade of red.
"I thought we were gonna forget about that," he mumbled.
"Sorry," I said, but I didn't even sound convincing to myself. Jake shot me a dirty look. "Look, if you saw me naked would you be able to just forget about it?" I asked.
His eyes immediately lit up with that mischievous look he'd had outside and I knew I'd goofed up. "Hmm...I don't know...there's only one way to find out." In one smooth motion he leapt up and pounced on me like a cat. The swivel chair I was on spun around and dumped us both onto the floor, where Jake proceeded to tickle me.
"Hehehehe...stop!" I managed to gasp out. I tried to push him off and we ended up wrestling for several minutes before I managed to pin him to the floor. My body was pressed against the length of his and our faces were only inches apart. A feeling of déjà vu swept over me. Last time we were in this position he pulled away and the moment had been lost. I decided to not let that happen again. I moved slowly closer, our eyes never losing contact until the last second when he closed his eyes and lifted his head to meet my lips.
And then we kissed, for the second time that day, but this time I kissed back. At first it was just a soft kiss, but then, as I let go of his wrists and I felt his arms wrap around my back, we began to kiss harder. I felt his tongue brush against my lips and they parted instinctively. I felt myself getting hard and apparently Jake felt it too, which wouldn't be too difficult considering it was pressing into his crotch. He immediately responded by getting hard too. He began to grind up into me; my breath rushed out of me, leaving me limp in his arms.
Jake rolled me over, maneuvering so that he was now on top. He started kissing down my neck and I found it harder and harder to breathe. When he resumed the grinding I thought I was going to cum right there. He sat up, straddling me, and pulled up my shirt, running his hands up my chest in the process. Then he bent down and kissed my chest.
"I can feel your heart beating," he whispered.
I reached up and stroked his cheek, then slipped my hand behind his head and pulled him up for another kiss. He broke away again and trailed kisses down my chest, sliding his body down as he went. He hesitated when he reached my pants.
Just then I heard footsteps coming. Obviously Jake heard them as well, because he looked up with a slightly panicked look on his face, leapt to his feet. He stood there a moment with 'what-do-I-do?' look on his face, then he grabbed my hand and yanked me up too.
We had just gotten our clothing straightened out and our erections hidden as well as we could when the door swung open. I almost jumped out of my skin. It was just Todd. He looked at me and then at Jake, took in our flushed faces and his eyebrows drew together in a frown.
"Don't look at me like that, Todd," Jake snapped, "We weren't doing anything."
"Oh yeah right, Jake," Todd snapped, "What? Do you think I'm stupid?" He pointed at me, "What kind of a jerk are you? Gilly's right downstairs while you're up here screwing around with her kid brother. And you!" he wheeled towards Jake, "I saw what happened down by the boathouse. You're going after him. You're both pathetic. You both deserve each other; a couple of little fags. If it weren't for Gilly I'd kick both of your asses. Get out, Killian; I'll deal with you later. Right now, me and Jake are gonna have a little talk."
"Todd..." I tried, but he quickly cut me off.
"Out!"
I cast one last look at Jake, who looked like he could burst into tears at any second, then dropped my head and walked out of the room.
Gilly met me at the foot of the stairs. "Killian," she said, "We're throwing a big Halloween Costume Ball here next weekend, Saturday night. You'll come right? You'll be my date?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll come," I said slowly.
"What's wrong?" she asked. I heard a noise at the top of the stairs and turned to look. It was Jake. Our eyes locked and, for a moment, everything else faded away. Then Gilly's voice broke back through and brought me back.
"Killian? Are you ok?"
I forced my eyes back to Gilly. "Oh yeah, sorry, Gilly. I'm fine and of course I'll be your date, but I hafta go right now."
Gilly looked from me, up to Jake and back at me. Her eyes narrowed and for a moment I thought she was going to make a connection, but then her face cleared and she took a step back to allow me to walk next to her to the front door. "Ok, Killian," she said as we walked, "I'll call you later to discuss our costumes."
"Ok," I said as I backed out the door. I looked up at Jake one more time, before spinning on my heel and jogging off to the car. Todd had been standing behind him, glaring at me with eyes full of disgust.
I had a lot to think about on my ride home. How did I feel about Jake? Obviously I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me, but was it more than physical attraction? I hadn't even known him that long. We definitely would have gone farther if Todd hadn't come in when he had. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Part of me wanted to so badly, but another part of me wanted to be sure before I went that far.
And what about Gilly? Would it hurt her if I ended up with her little brother? She knew I was gay from the beginning, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't be hurt. I don't even pretend to understand how a girl's minds work. There was that kiss on the back porch that night and now she's all excited that we're going as dates to this costume ball.
Then there was Todd. Where did he fit into all this? He'd seemed to have it in for me from that first night. Why? Was he just the typical protective older brother? That was probably all it was, but it still made me uneasy. Now he knew that Jake and I were gay, where would that lead?
To top it all off, I still wasn't any closer to finding out who had killed Seth. I had to come up with a plan soon.
When I arrived home, an extremely happy Adam greeted me at the door.
"Guess what?" he shouted before I even had the door closed.
"What?"
"Ilana called...Eve's lawyer called her today, on a Saturday. He told her that Eve has decided not to contest my request for custody. Once the paperwork has been signed, Kane will be moving in with us!" He grabbed me up in a huge bear hug and swung me around the hallway. He stumbled over the rug and almost dropped me. We laughed together as we headed for the living room.
"Steve's on his way over; we're gonna celebrate! Oh! I almost forgot. Kane called soon after Ilana and said to tell you that the plan worked, but he wouldn't explain what that meant. Does this have anything to do with your sudden interest in homework last night?"
"Maybe, maybe not," I said with a grin.
"Are you going to explain?"
"No."
"Fine then, I won't tell you my last piece of good news."
"What?! You have to tell me!"
"Not until you tell me what this secret plan of yours and Kane's is."
"I'll tell you when Kane gets here, I promise, now please tell me the other good news. Ple-e-e-ease?"
Adam gave a huge mock-sigh and then broke into a grin again. He was just too excited to even pretend to be upset. "Ok, well, Asher called in the middle of all this excitement and wanted to talk to you so I invited him to the celebration dinner. He should be here in about half an hour."
I felt my expression freeze, and then slowly melt away.
"What's wrong?" Adam asked, "Did I screw up? I thought you'd be happy. You guys have hardly talked in weeks."
"Asher...hasn't been very...happy about me and Gilly," I told him slowly.
"You haven't told him that it's just a cover?"
"Well, I tried, but he made me so mad, I kinda said some stuff I shouldn't have and I probably hurt him pretty bad."
"Well, then you can apologize tonight and explain things to him and patch things up."
"Well...there's one other problem..." I said, thinking about Jake.
"What's that?"
"Well, it's hard to explain," I started. I felt myself start to blush.
"Does this have anything to do with that boy you brought home the other day? Gilly's little brother?"
It always amazed me how Adam could read me so easily.
"Yeah, his name's Jake."
"And you like this Jake?"
I blushed again. Adam leaned in towards me and gave me a sharp look.
"Just what exactly is going on with you and Jake?" he asked.
"Um...well...it's kinda had to explain."
"Well, let's try, huh?"
So I haltingly began to tell him all about Jake and I, from our first conversation in the lunchroom, to the flirtation, to our interrupted lovemaking. When I finished, Adam sat for a moment without saying anything.
"Killian, you'd better be very thankful that Todd came in when he did. He stopped you from making what could have been a very big mistake."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you love Jake?"
"I don't know, no...I guess not. I think I could love him."
"But you don't love him now?"
"No."
"Then all you were experiencing today was lust. Look, Killian, you're young and its easy to be carried away by lust; but take it from someone who's been there, lust hurts. It uses people. It's no replacement for love. Not even close. Wait for true love, and you'll know it when you find it. Trust me on this though; it's worth it. Maybe it'll be with Jake, or maybe not. Maybe it'll be with Asher, maybe not. Maybe it'll be with someone you've never met, years down the road when you're an old guy like me."
As if on cue, we heard the front door open, quickly followed by Steve's voice, "Adam?"
I watched Adam's face as it lit up. You could see the love he'd just been talking about reflected in his eyes. That was what I wanted. I wanted that love. "We'll finish this later," Adam said as he practically flew out of the room.
I followed as Adam met Steve just inside the door. He flew into his arms and they just seemed to melt into each other.
"I'm so happy for you, Babe!" Steve mumbled into Adam's shoulder.
They hugged for a few more seconds, and then stepped back.
"Let's get dinner started. The other guests will be here soon." Adam said as he grabbed Steve's hand and headed for the kitchen.
"Who else is coming besides Asher?" I asked, trailing behind the two of them.
"Ilana and her husband, and my long time friend, Bryant and his current beau. Bryant said something about bringing some guests that were in town, so I guess we'll see."
The next 20 minutes were spent cooking pasta and making the garlic and clam sauce that would go over it. When the doorbell rang, Adam went to get it. Once he was gone, I asked Steve a question that had been bubbling in the back of my mind since he got here.
"Why don't you live here with Adam?"
Steve sat the pan he was holding down carefully on the counter and turned to face me. He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "You picked a good time to bring up a very complicated question," he said, "but the short answer is, we didn't think it would be a good idea at the time; between Seth moving in with Adam and my job being in another town, plus things were still up in the air with whether or not Adam would have visitation rights with Kane. Of course, he didn't get them, but we didn't know that when we were making these decisions."
"Why didn't you move in once Seth was moved in and you knew he was gay and that Adam wasn't going to get to see Kane?"
"Well, all that didn't happen over night. The whole court case with Kane took months; by the time it was all settled, we were settled. It didn't come up again until Adam and Seth moved down here. We were talking about it then; but when Seth was murdered, it didn't seem like the best time to press the issue."
I nodded, but our conversation was over; we could hear voices coming towards the kitchen. Steve turned back to the stove just as the whole party came bursting through the doorway. Apparently everyone had gotten here at the same time.
Adam introduced me to everyone. First there was Ilana, a tall, elegant woman with bronze skin, golden brown eyes and straight glossy brown hair that she wore cut just below her shoulders. Her husband, Lysander, was a very handsome black man with a pencil mustache. They had different last names, although I missed his, so she must have kept hers for professional reasons.
Then there was Bryant and his boyfriend, Calvin. Their guests turned out to be Calvin's cousin, Heather and her partner, Nila. They'd been together for 4 years, since they were both 18 and met as freshmen in college. Bryant had wavy brown hair that he didn't seem to wear in any particular style. He looked pretty buff under his Gap sweater and khaki slacks. Calvin had bleached blonde hair and several earrings in both ears; I later noticed that this was not the extent of his piercings. He was very thin and wore oversized baggy clothes. Heather looked like the quintessential college student; long curly brown hair pulled up into a ponytail, baggy sweater over white turtleneck with jeans and glasses. Nila on the other hand had the exotic beauty of an actress or a model. She wore her long, straight black hair parted in the middle and hanging on either side of her face like a curtain. This only served to accentuate her high cheekbones, straight nose and pouty lips. Her dark tan skin seemed to glow in the kitchen lighting. She was quite stunning.
Last but not least, a few steps behind everyone else, was Asher, looking as innocent and hurt as ever with his rosy cheeks and shiny black curls. He was wearing jeans and a sweater over a black turtleneck. I gave him a small smile to let him know I didn't mind that he was there and he offered back a halfhearted smile of his own.
After all the introductions were made, most of the group headed for the living room, Steve and I stayed behind to finish up the food preparation and set the table, Asher sat down at the table. We all made small talk but it seemed forced and more than a little uncomfortable, for me at least, and Asher seemed to be just as uncomfortable.
Dinner was a festive event; everyone was very excited about Kane moving in, everyone except Asher. Since he didn't know Kane it was hard for him to show much enthusiasm, especially since it was obvious that he had something on his mind. Once everyone was settled back into the living room, Asher asked me if we could talk. We excused ourselves and walked upstairs to the room that I would soon be sharing with Kane.
"Killian," he said when we were upstairs, "we need to talk."
"I know, Asher," I said, "I need to explain some things to you."
"I need to explain some things to you, too."
"I'll start," I offered and quickly rushed on before he could say anything, "I'm not really going out with Gilly. It's just a cover so that I wouldn't get harassed. I need to find out who killed Seth and I can't do that if everyone knows I'm gay. Or maybe I could, it seems like not as many people care as I thought. It's just that those that did care were very vocal about it. So anyway, I'm still just as gay as I was before. I wanted to tell you all this right away, but well...I guess I have a bad temper."
"Yeah, me too," Asher said quietly, "I provoked you that day in the lunchroom. I was jealous and hurt and I just said a bunch of stuff that I shouldn't have. I want to ask you to forgive me for all that stuff I said, and ask if maybe we can start over or something...maybe?"
"I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me, but what do you mean by start over?"
"I don't mean as like boyfriends or anything, at least not yet, but I'd hate to lose the best friend I've ever had over something like this."
Who could resist that? I got up from where I was sitting, walked over to Asher and wrapped my arms around him in a big hug. Just then, the phone rang.
I grabbed up the phone and was surprised to hear Kane's voice on the line.
"KILLIAN!" he screamed into my ear, "Did you hear?"
"Yeah, Kane, I heard," I laughed, "and it's a good thing I heard before you called, cuz I think I'm deaf in that ear now."
Kane laughed too, "Your plan worked. I told Mom I wanted to live with Dad and when she asked why I said cuz I related more to him because I was gay too."
"What did she say?"
"Well she just sat there for a minute, then she walked out of the room. A little later she came to my bedroom and said she'd called the lawyers and it was being taken care of." Kane's voice changed at this point from super-charged excitement to uncertainty, "She seemed really sad, Killian. Like I had let her down."
"I'm sorry, Kane. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. I mean, it was kinda lying. You don't even know for sure if you are at all."
"No, even if I'm not sure, it was right cuz it means I get to come live with you guys now! Hey, I better go. I don't want Mom getting mad at me at this point. I just had to call you. Thanks, big bro! I love you!"
"You're welcome, Kane. I love you, too. And yeah, you're right; you don't wanna get in trouble now. Bye, Kane."
"Bye, Killian."
I hung up and turned to find Asher had slipped out of the room while I was on the phone. I started to go look for him when the phone rang again. This time it was Gilly calling as she'd promised about our costumes.
I agreed with whatever she said just so I could get off the phone quicker, so I wasn't entirely sure what I had agreed to wear. I figured I'd find out sooner or later. It turned out to be sooner since I didn't make it out of the room before the phone rang yet again. I answered expecting Gilly again, but this time is was Jake.
"Hey, Killian," he said as soon as I answered, "I'm really sorry about what happened today. I mean about everything, the boathouse, in my room, with Todd. I don't know what was going on with me. I'd blame it on the moon or something, but I don't know whether it's full or what. Anyway, I'm just really sorry about everything."
"Jake, its ok. Don't worry about it."
"Just forget about it, huh? Like before?" I could hear the smile in his voice and I could just picture the lop-sided grin that I was growing so fond of. "You know, Killer, I really like you a lot."
I started a little when he called me Killer, but I quickly recovered. "I like you too, Jake."
"No, I like you a lot, Killian. I want to spend more time with you, but I don't know how with Gilly and Todd and all."
"Hey, we're friends right? Friends spend time with each other."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Do you think maybe we could be more than friends?"
"Maybe, but let's take things one step at a time for now. I think we were moving a bit too fast today. It's probably a good thing Todd walked in when he did."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Well, I probably won't see you really before the costume ball, but I know what you are wearing so I'll look for you."
"At least one of us does, what am I wearing?"
He laughed again, "Gilly wants you to dress up in some costume she found in a thrift store. I saw it and I guess it's pretty cool. It's like this long black hooded cloak that goes over this tunic thing and tights with a fake sword and all. It looks kinda creepy, but cool. Gilly bought this cloak of her own so I guess you guys are going as a medieval couple or Shakespeare in love...I dunno."
"Did you say tights?"
"I haven't decided what I'm wearing so I guess you'll be surprised."
"Tights?"
"Hey, Killian, I have to go. I shouldn't have stayed on here this long. I just wanted to apologize and all. I'll talk to you later, ok?"
"I have to wear tights?"
"Yes!" he laughed, "and I, for one, am looking forward to seeing it! Bye, Killer."
His calling me Killer snapped me out of my horror at the thought of wearing tights, "Bye, Jake."
I hung up and turned around to find Asher sitting on the edge of my bed looking like he might cry at any second. "So was that my cousin Jake?" he asked.