This is a work of fiction. It will eventually contain sexual acts between consenting men. If gay sex is illegal in your area, or you're under the age of consent in your area, or you just flat out don't like queer sex (what the hell would you be at this site for?) then go away. Comments, questions, and ideas welcome and appreciated, and will be responded to. Please put 'Nifty' in the subject line so I know it's not spam. A huge thanx to everyone that has written. I love getting the praise, the ideas, and the requests. I'll try to use any ideas and requests you guys send in, but have patience as it may take me a while to work them into the story:-) Thanx, and enjoy. Chris Email to gaiasdruid@aol.com
Group Dynamics-Chapter 6
When next I opened my eyes, I was laying on my back with my head in Kelly's lap. She was stroking my hair soothingly. I looked up and she smiled down at me.
"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," she said, "sleep much?"
"Wha...what happened?" I asked.
"You went floor diving," said a concerned Matt, his face appearing over Kelly's shoulder, "without a net, mind you. How very Fall Guy of you."
"Ugh, don't make me laugh," I groaned, putting my hand to my forehead, "my head is killin' me."
"I guess next time you'll use a net when you try a stunt like that, now won't you?" he asked.
"Fine, I swear. No more diving without protective gear."
"Good, now put this on your head for a bit," Kelly said as she placed a cold, damp washcloth on my forehead.
"Thanks, Kel."
I looked around, gingerly, and saw the others sitting around me quietly. Rachael was obviously trying very hard not to laugh.
"What? What's so funny?" I asked her, glowering as best I could with an aching head.
She lost control of her laughter and started giggling uncontrollably. It was several moments before she was able to answer me.
"You...you realize of course," more giggles, " why you fainted, don't you?"
"No, Miss Bitch, as a matter of fact I don't know why," I answered, still trying to glare," It's never happened before."
She laughed for a few more moments and then said, "You passed out because you were overwhelmed. You could see it on your face just before you checked out. You'd just realized all four of your cute roomies said they could be had. I think your imagination went into overdrive, and you couldn't handle the visuals."
At that, my other roommates bust out laughing as well. I felt a slight quake beneath my head and glanced up to see Kelly trying very unsuccessfully to stifle her own laughter. My face felt like it was on fire, I was blushing so hard. Oh, this was just too much. Screw all of them.
I sat up in an obvious huff, determined to leave and salvage what little dignity remained to me. My head swam a little as I gained my feet and started for the door of the meeting room, leaving the laughter behind me. I heard someone call out my name, and yell for me to come back, but I ignored it. I was humiliated. I fainted like a fucking girl. I didn't want to look at any of them, couldn't look at any of them until I had regained my composure.
I ran to my dorm, and bolted up the steps to the door of our suite. Keying in, I slammed the door behind me and went straight to my room, locking the door behind me. I turned my CD player on, put in a Savage Garden CD and cranked up the volume, hoping to drown out any knocks on my door. I threw myself down on my bed and proceeded to sulk.
I must have dozed off again (that bed was damned comfy), because the next thing I know I felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me awake. My eyes snapped open, and I saw Josh leaning over me, smiling. I just grunted and put my head under my pillow, trying to block him out. He didn't get the message.
"Luke, buddy, C'mon. It ain't that bad. We should have known how you'd react to what we said. We all thought we were just joking around. No one was trying to make you uncomfortable."
I lay there, doing my best to ignore him. I wanted to stay mad, wanted to believe that they were making fun of me. It fit in with my view of straight guys: mean and sarcastic, the lot of `em. As long as that view remained unchanged, I had a valid reason to keep myself apart from them, and in keeping myself apart, I kept myself safe from getting hurt. I had heard all the jokes about fags growing up, I knew how most guys felt about guys like me. I didn't want to be the object of their ridicule.
I thought that if I allowed myself to believe they were sincere, at least a few of them, I would open myself up, giving the others a chance to get inside my defenses. I imagined trusting them, and thinking that they were like me, and then hearing their scornful laughter when I expressed my feelings. I couldn't handle that. I wouldn't.
Josh, however, was not going to be ignored. He pulled the pillow from my face and stared down at me. I saw the concern in his face, and tried to convince myself that it was all an act, a ploy to draw me out and make me vulnerable. He watched me for a few minutes and then knelt down beside my bed, close to my head. I could feel tears forming, and I stoically held them back. I would not cry. I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction.
"What's really bothering you?" he asked me. "You're acting too upset for someone who was just embarrassed. What is it?"
"Nothing. Just leave me alone."
"Bullshit. You're more than embarrassed. You keep looking at me like you're waiting for me to bite you or something. You're acting scared. What are you so afraid of?"
"I'm not scared!" I practically screamed at him. He was hitting too close to home. "You have no idea what is going on in my head, so back the fuck off!"
"And that would be whose fault? I have no idea what's goin' on in your head cuz you won't tell me what's goin' on in your head. If I'm wrong, correct me. But as it stands, I think you're afraid of getting too close to us. You think we're gonna turn on you cuz you're queer. You think the shit we said was just a set up to get you to do something, to give us a reason to kick your ass or something. Am I right?"
"Just leave me alone," I was crying now. Damn he was good. What the fuck was he? Scotland Yard? "Please, just go away."
"I notice you don't deny it, so I assume I'm right. Luke, listen, I can't speak for the others, because I can't read their minds. For all I know, that's exactly what they intended. I doubt it, but, yeah, the possibility is there. But for myself, I can tell for sure, I can swear, if ya want. I am not trying to hurt you, I have no reason to hurt you. The shit I said initially was just a knee jerk reaction to hearing someone tell me they were gay. That's the first time I ever heard someone say the words out loud. I've known a few gay guys, from high school and summer camp, and it was just known, but never mentioned.
"I've never done anything with the guys I knew, unless you count circle jerks as sex, and I never really had any desire to give it a go, but it's not something that turns my stomach. I'm not grossed out by it. I've seen two guys making out. Hell, I've even watched gay porn with my best friend when we were freshmen. We swiped it from his older brother's stash and wanted to know just what his brother did in bed. We both jerked off watching it, because it was sexy to watch. Believe me, I'm not afraid of gay sex, I just haven't had the drive to actively pursue it. I like pussy too much, so it never occurred to me to expand my repertoire.
"But I've also never lived with a gay guy before. Hearing the others joking about wanting to fuck around with you made me want to be included. I was thinking that if I ever got the chance, I'd take it, just to see what all the fuss is about. It would be an excuse to try something that I've watched from the sideline lots of times in the past. I don't know if the others were serious, but I was. So, at least stop being so damned afraid of me."
I was watching him the entire time he was speaking. His eyes remained locked on mine, unwavering, without a hint of malice. He was telling the truth. I thought back to the other three. Ryan had found my porn, and Matt had even caught me watching it. Both had waved it off as no big deal. Jude had come in to give his endorsement and had even kissed me. Was I really just being an oversensitive prick?
Sniffling, I sat up and wiped my eyes. I looked at Josh and smiled.
"You're right," I said finally, "I need to calm down. You guys have all been great. I should be appreciative that I have understanding roommates. I lost my parents last year, and I guess I'm a little jittery about letting anyone else get too close, afraid that I'd lose them too. You're right, Josh. You guys are just what I need: friends that accept me for me without me having to be afraid of you guys bolting off."
"So we're all good?"
"We're all good," I said with a smile.
"Great. So you'll come to the party?"
"What party?" I asked in confusion. "We were already invited to a party?"
Josh rolled his eyes to the heavens.
"Lord, how quickly they forget," he said. "Us boys have a hot tub party tonight, remember? We didn't buy all that booze and junk food for nothing, ya know."
"Oh, yeah, I had forgotten about that. So, when is the infernal event to take place?"
"It's already getting started. We were wondering where the hell you were, so I volunteered to come and get you. So grab your suit and let's go," he paused for a second and then grinned evilly at me. "Not that it'll remain on your body for long. Matt said something about truth or dare."
"Great. That'll give me the opportunity to make you guys do unspeakable things to each other," I said with a smile.
"Unspeakable? Nay, let us speak of them. Just remember that turn about's fair play. What comes around goes around. Eye for and eye, tooth for a..."
"Okay, I get it, already," I said, pushing him away. "Hey, how did you get in here anyway? I distinctly remember locking my door."
"You left your patio door unlocked," he said, pointing to the open door behind him.
"Oh yeah, oops. OK, well, go away so I can change."
"Actually, I believe I'll stay right here and watch you. I wanna see what kind of body you have hiding under all those sharply cut clothes."
"What!?" I exclaimed. "I don't think so. You wanna see the goods, you wait for the hot tub like everybody else."
"Fine, I'll wait. Know now, though, that you will be `nekkid' before the night is done."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Consider yourself warned as well, bitch."
I pushed him out the door and turned around to get changed for our first party. I wondered if the girls were gonna be there. I doubt that I would be able to do any risque dares or show skin if they were present. I dunno. We'll see, I guess. Dear God, this was gonna be weird.
TBC