Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional, and therefore it does not imply that any of the characters portrayed in this story (i.e. the five members of Westlife) are gay... If you're under 18, then you might want to hit the "back" button on your browser. This story is not for you!
Check out my new WL fan*fic site @ www.geocities.com/westlife_idl where you'll find all the installments for "If I Let You Go"
The story "If I Let You Go" is copyright 2000-2001 Jay Cee
IF I LET YOU GO - PART 14
"What's that you got in your hand there Mark?" Kian asked, pointing at the half empty bottle that Mark was gripping so tightly.
Mark brought the bottle out from beside him into the light, "Vodka" he replied, "your favourite."
"And you've already had that much?" Kian exclaimed, noticing how much was already gone from the bottle.
"No I haven't silly," Mark said as he shook his head slowly from side to side, "we drank the other half at the poker game we had here ages ago, don't you remember?" Bryan had lost a lot of hands that night, and after his hangover the next morning, hadn't dared play another game of cards with the other boys since.
"I can still smell it on your breath though" Kian said as he leant in towards Mark, deeply inhaling his scent that was laced with the smell of liquor.
"Well, are you gonna let me in Kian, or are we just going to stand here talking all night?" Mark asked impatiently. Kian moved out of the doorway silently, Mark brushing past him into his room.
"Where are the glasses Kian?" Mark asked as he entered the small ensuite. He found none in there, and turned towards the door, but was met by Kian, who grabbed the bottle from Mark's hands. Raising it to his lips, he took a gulp of the vodka from the bottle, his eyes closing as the alcohol burned down his throat.
"Hey, leave some for me," Mark yelled, trying to grab back his bottle from Kian. Kian hid the bottle behind his back, saying "You want it Markey? Come and get it boy!" Kian ran out of the ensuite, followed closely by Mark, determined that Kian wouldn't get to have what was left of the vodka all to himself. Then Mark had an idea. It would be easy to get Kian to hand the bottle back. Hold him to ransom.
"Hahahaha" Kian laughed, taking another generous swig from the bottle.
"Fine," Mark said, trying to sound angry and frustrated, "If you want it all to yourself, you got it. But that'll mean no fun for you tonight." Mark stood firm, facing Kian who was standing on the other side of the double bed, swinging the bottle suggestively between his legs. He may have been enjoying the drink, but he wasn't going to let it get in the way of a good time with his man. He screwed the cap tightly on to the bottle, and casually tossed it to Mark.
"Shit Kian!" The bottle spun through the air; the alcohol must have already started to go to Kian's head, as it veered to the left, Mark just catching it before it fell to the floor.
"Nice catch Markey..."
"I hate it when you cal me that Kian."
Kian walked casually around the bed to where Mark was standing, their eyes locked on one another. "No you don't, you don't hate it at all... You love it, you know you love it." Kian wrapped his arms around Mark, resting his head around Mark's chest, feeling the heavy beating of his heart. Bringing his hand up to Kian's face, Mark caressed his cheek, brushing his thumb over the scar below Kian's eye. The lust in Mark's eyes was all to obvious as Kian looked up. "I think I know what's going through your mind right now Mark," Kian said.
"How could you know?" Mark said in a low voice, "We haven't been together for that long."
"Haven't we? I've known you for years, haven't I?"
"Yeah," Mark said seductively, moving his hands down, clasping them together round Kian's butt, "but you don't really know me, do you?" Mark took a deep breath, and moving one hand away, searched his pocket, pulling a small object out.
"Well," Mark said, holding it up to Kian's face for him to see, "I know that I'd like to get to know you a whole lot better."
"Where did you get that from?" Kian asked, a quizzical expression on his face. "Well, I was talking to Nicky before, and, um, it must have fallen out of his pocket or something. I thought that maybe we could, well, use it." Mark's cheeks had turned a deep shade of red by this time.
"Hmm," Kian said, a doubtful look coming across his face as he inspected the writing on the little foil package, "I was kinda hoping that you'd be a bit, well, how should a say this?" Kian chuckled.
Mark was starting to take offence. What the hell was Kian finding so funny? "What is it Kian?"
"I was kinda hoping that you'd be a little bigger than a 'small'."
Mark looked at the packet closely, and saw, for the first time, the word printed on the outside. Mark's face had been red before, and although it was hard to imagine it going any redder, it did. "Oh shit..."
Kian fell back onto the bed, taking Mark down with him. "I'm glad I fell in love with you Markey, and not Nicky." The redness quickly drained away from Mark's face, the hilarity of the whole situation eventually dawning on him. They quickly quietened down, not wanting to be heard by Shane, whose was only a couple of rooms away. Little did they know that they were being heard by Nicky as well.
"You must be tired," Kian said quietly.
"Mmm, I don't think I'm really up for a steamy session personally," Mark chuckled.
"Ooooh" Kian had an idea. "Speaking of steam, you must be feeling a little dirty after today..."
"Well, you know me Kian, I'm always feeling dirty."
"If you're feeling dirty then, why don't we get you all cleaned up??"
Mark smiled, "I think I like that idea." He pushed himself up off the bed, dragging Kian up behind him. He led him to the bathroom. It was decision making time. "Well, Kian, what will it be? The shower or the bath?"
"Gee, it's a tough one, but I'd have to say the bath." Kian leant forward, turning on both taps, the water splashing around the tub. "have we got any bubble bath??"
"Bubble bath?" Mark replied, surprised, "I don't think we've got any, and besides, bubble bath will just obscure the view through the water, won't it now?" Mark reached out and tugged hard on Kian's shirt. "I think its time we got naked, don't you think?"
"Ooooh, I think I like the sound of that." Kian swiftly pulled his shirt off, his nipples hard and erect with excitement. Unbuckling the belt on his jeans, he noticed that Mark was standing before him, motionless, his gaze fixed on Kian. "What's wrong," Kian asked, a little worried, "are you having a change of heart or something?"
"No," Mark said, his hand feeling his growing erection through his pants, "I'm just enjoying the view..."
"That's okay," Kian said, at the same time grabbing hold of the waist of Mark's pants. "But I'm the impatient type... I'm sure you know that already." Overcome with desire, Kian undid the buttons on the fly of his lover's pants, forcing them down. Mark got the idea, and did the same to Kian. It was only a matter of seconds before they were both standing there, naked.
"You're looking a little horny there Kian" Mark said, Kian's state of arousal never more evident now that his cock was pointing up at Mark.
"Enough talk Mark," Kian said impatiently, "let's just get in." Kian stepped in, the heat of the water burnt a little at first, but he quickly grew accustomed to it as he slid down into the tub. Mark followed, sitting between Kian's legs, his lover's dick pressing into the small of his back.
"I could get used to this," Mark said as he rested his head back on Kian's chest. Bending down to plant a kiss on Mark's forehead, Kian replied "So could I, and you can squirm around as much as you like."
Mark let out a little giggle, and did just that. Kian let out a low pitched moan as Mark moved around, his back rubbing against Kian's member. Suddenly there was a knock at the bedroom door.
"Kian, are you in there?" came the voice. It was Bryan.
IF I LET YOU GO - PART 15
"Shit," Mark said, as Bryan began to knock on the door outside. "What are we gonna do?"
"I'll have to answer it Mark. If I don't answer, he might go to your room... What will he think when you're not there?" Kian slowly got out of the tub, Mark turning around to watch the water trickle slowly down his body, dripping back into the bath. Despite being worried about Bryan outside, Mark's eyes were transfixed on his lover's body, as Kian bent over in front of Mark to grab a towel off the floor, before he wrapped it tightly around his body. "I'll be back," Kian said, "just don't make a sound okay?"
"Okay, don't be too long," Mark replied as he blew Kian a kiss. Kian smiled and backed slowly out the door, closing it behind him. He walked towards the door, taking a deep breath as he slowly reached out, grabbing the door handle and turning it ever so slowly.
"Kian," Bryan said, obviously relieved that Kian had decided to answer his knocking,
"Shit, did I get you out of the shower? Sorry."
"Well, it was the bath actually Bry."
Bryan pushed his way into Kian's room, making Kian a little nervous, with Mark still in the tub just a few metres away in the bathroom.
"Look, I reckon there's something very weird going on around here Kian. I mean, I've just taken Georgina back to a hotel in town, there's no way she could've stayed here."
"That much was obvious," Kian replied, "She was pretty upset."
Bryan nodded. "I know, wouldn't you be if you were her?" He laid down on Kian's bed, letting out a sigh. "I just don't get it, last week they were practically engaged, Nicky saying that Georgina's that girl's for him and stuff, and now they've split up! Explain that to me, can you?"
"These things happen Bry."
"Bullshit. Not this quick Kian." Bryan paused for a moment, thinking about whether it was a good idea to continue. But he knew that he had to get it off his chest, to get things out into the open. "When we went off to find Mark, Nicky and Shane go off together into the forest. On the plane too, they were acting strange, I was watching them from my seat."
Kian began to get a little anxious inside. What is Bryan trying to get at? he thought. That Nicky and Shane are together? Mark hadn't told him about the little heart to heart that he and Nicky had earlier by the fire, so Kian was blissfully unaware of the "other" couple in the group. Meanwhile, Mark sat in the bath, motionless, daring not to make a sound while Bryan was so close. He listened intently to their conversation.
"Bryan, Nicky and Shane always goof around. What the fuck has that got to do with it anyway?"
"Its got a lot to do with it. This wasn't just goofing around, so much as fooling around if you know what I mean."
"Shit" Mark whispered.
Kian looked at Bryan with a puzzled expression. "No, explain fooling around to me Bryan." Fooling around was what was Shane wanted to be going on in the other occupied bedroom. Shane had woken from his brief slumber, and was feeling decidedly frisky. Nicky was curled up beside him, his breathing slow and even, his chest slowly rising and falling, a sight which left Shane fascinated. He thought about how quickly it had all happened, how his feelings that he had wanted to express for so long were suddenly out in the open. What dwelled on his conscience the most though was Nicky's willingness to let Georgina go for him. Thinking about it made Shane love Nicky all the more for it. He looked down again at Nicky's sleeping form, angelic in the pale light from the moon outside. He could hear the sound of murmuring from Kian's room next door. Shane only wondered for a moment what they could be talking about, before his attention was drawn back to Nicky. He traced a circle with his finger around Nicky's nipple, a faint smile emerging on Nicky's face. Nicky didn't wake though, so Shane tried softly blowing on his earlobe. Still nothing. Shane decided that it was probably better to give up than play the tormentor, after all, they had all had a very long day, and he was feeling the effects of the eventful day himself.
He took one last look at Nicky, and began to close his eyes. But the raised voices from next door made him delay his sleep just a little longer. Trying not to disturb Nicky, Shane slowly got up out of bed and crossed the room, putting his ear up to the wall, trying to make sense of the muffled sentences. He thought he could hear Bryan and Kian talking, or maybe arguing, in the room next door. As for what it was about, he had no idea.
"No Bryan, that's not what you saw," Kian said, his voice cracking. Mark sat in the bathtub, his body starting to shake, the cooling water only serving to exacerbate his anxiety at the conversation he was hearing outside. "I don't know why you think you heard that, but that isn't what happened. He was upset Bryan, I was trying to a friend, a mate, make him feel better."
"Really?" Bryan said sarcastically. "Well Kian, when your other friends come to talk to you when you're feeling down, do you massage their crotches too? Do they feel all better then?"
Kian was speechless, his blood boiling, his anger ready to spill over. Mark sat in the bathroom in disbelief. How could Bryan have seen anything? he thought to himself. Mark was worried, he didn't feel ready to come out to the rest of the band. Now it seemed as though he wouldn't have a choice in the matter.
"What is it that you're trying to prove Bryan?" Kian said, his voice raised. Shane heard Kian's remark, though it meant nothing to him, it only served to make him more curious about what exactly was going on in Kian's room.
Suddenly the bathroom door swung open Mark standing there in all his glory. The surprise was evident on Bryan's face, but Kian was equally as shocked. Mark walked confidently over to Kian, and looked Bryan directly in the eye, "This is what you're trying to prove, isn't it Bry?" Mark said, as he pulled Kian into a long passionate kiss.
IF I LET YOU GO - PART 16
Bryan stood before Kian and Mark, not believing the sight before his eyes. Kian, dressed only in a bath towel, and Mark fully naked engaged in a passionate kiss; their eyes closed, their intertwining tongues occasionally visible as their lips parted. It seemed to go on forever. He had never thought he would ever see this happen, not with two friends of his, not with any of his buddies in the group. Sure he had his suspicions, but he'd hoped that they would come to nothing more than that. It seemed that Mark and Kian would go on forever if Bryan didn't say something, and he was growing a little anxious at Mark's increasingly excited state. He could take no more.
"Would you two stop it!" he screamed, just as Kian's hand started its journey south to caress Mark's moist behind. Mark and Kian stood there, together in the pool of water that had formed on the floor from Mark's dripping body. His cheeks turning crimson, Mark was a little embarrassed at what he had just done, despite the brazen way that he had entered the room just moments before, much to Bryan's, as well as Kian's surprise. Shane could hear the commotion next door clearly now, as the voices became louder. He went over to the bed and woke Nicky.
"Nicky, baby, wake up," he said as he gently shook Nicky's sleeping form. His eyes opened slowly and he moaned as he gradually became aware of Shane before him.
"Mmmm, what time is it Shane?"
"Its after midnight Nicky."
"Why don't you just wrap your arms around me Shane and we'll drift back to sleep, okay?"
"Nah, not now, you have to come and listen to this Nicky."
"Listen to what Shane?"
And just then Nicky found out, as he heard Mark's voice from the room next door. "Sorry Bryan, I..."
Bryan shook his head in disbelief. "I'd have never thought that I'd see anything like this. Sure, I had my niggling doubts, but I... I just couldn't picture it. For fuck's sake, I come here to talk to you about something Kian, and I find out that you're a god damn fudge packer! Fuck me..."
Kian thought of a comeback for Bryan's last comment, but under the circumstances, he decided to keep his mouth shut instead. "So when were you going to tell Shane, Nicky and me about this huh? Or were you just going to try and keep this a big secret?" Bryan asked.
"Shane already knows Bryan," Kian said quietly. Mark turned to Kian, a shocked look on his face. He didn't want the others dragged into this mess.
"You know what this is going to do to the band? If this ever gets out?" Bryan yelled.
"You're starting to sound just like Shane, you know that Bryan?" Kian retorted. Nicky sat close to Shane in the room next door, their ears pressed hard up against the wall. "What is he talking about Shane," Nicky whispered, "why is Kian saying that you sounded just like Bryan for?"
Shane knew that Nicky was going to find out about Kian and Mark sooner or later. "I think I know what's going on in there," he said, taking his ear from the wall and looking into Nicky's eyes, "Kian and Mark are together Nicky, just like us. They're gay."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Mark told me himself. Sounds like Bryan's just found out and he ain't half pleased."
"Shit, what is he going to think when he finds out about us two then?"
"I don't know, I really don't know."
Nicky and Shane again pressed their ears to the wall to listen in on the heated conversation taking place in Kian's room.
"This is just too weird," Bryan said, shaking his head.
"Why, do you have a problem with two guys loving one another Bryan?" Mark asked. Bryan sighed, "When its someone else, I never really cared, but when its two of your best friends, and they keep it a secret... I've always been taught that this is wrong, I just don't know if..."
"Bryan, please," Kian said, walking over to Bryan.
"No, Kian, just stay away from me." There was a tense stand-off, Kian and Mark standing together near the bed, Bryan slowly back tracking towards the door. "I need time to think about all this, I'm sorry guys, I just have to get out of here." Before Kian or Mark could plead with Bryan to stay, to talk about things, to end his doubts that their relationship would be harmful to the group, he was out the door. Bryan almost tumbled down the stairs as he ran through the darkness of the house and to the van outside, the keys still in his pocket from dropping Georgina off at a hotel only a little while before. He started the engine and sped off down the long driveway of the mansion, Kian and Mark watching him leave from Kian's room, and Shane and Nicky watching from Shane's.
"Where do you think he's gonna go?" Kian asked, Mark standing behind him, his arms wrapped tightly around Kian's tense body.
"I honestly don't know," Kian replied. Mark loosened his grip, his hands slowly moving down Kian's torso, down to the small knot that held Kian's towel up. "Mark," he said quietly.
"What?" Mark replied playfully, the towel just about ready to fall into a heap on the floor.
"Not now baby, I don't,"
"But Kian,"
"Let's just get some rest okay? Please?" Kian could see the hurt in Mark's eyes. For some reason Mark felt ready to do with Kian what he had previously been too hesitant to. Maybe it was because everyone knew about them now that it didn't matter.
After a long drive Bryan reached Georgina's hotel. He parked the van in the small car park by the side, and walked briskly through the hotel lobby and to the elevator. He got to her door, and knocked loudly, just in case she was asleep. Georgina opened the door, surprised to see Bryan standing before her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, as they exchanged a brief kiss.
"I'm staying the night."
"What?"
"Yep," Bryan said as he walked into Georgina's room, "I couldn't have planned all of this better if I tried."
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