To Thine Own Self Be True

By firehose Joe

Published on Jul 31, 2023

Gay

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Shakespeare (Hamlet)

Thanks to Chael for assistance in editing and proofing the story. This is wholly fictional with no reference intended to persons alive or dead.

Please do not distribute to other sites without permission of the author. Comments can be sent to firehosejoe@yahoo.com

From the previous chapter:

Sleep would not come for Alejandro despite his exhaustion. He lay awake pondering the news he'd learned about Charles and wondered how it would affect his life. God knows he'd been through enough change and would make it through this. With change came unforeseen consequences. What were those likely to be? Who would they involve? Fatigue finally won out and he drifted into dream-filled slumber.

Chapter 43

It was of Matt that Alejandro dreamed - Matt with the eyes that could see into you. Matt was shirtless wearing the pants of his Sambo competition outfit. His torso was heavily contoured, sweat running in rivulets between his massive pecs. His body glistened in the dim light. He was moving toward Alejandro prepared to attack him, to grapple with him, to take him to the mat.

In the next moment, Alejandro's dream sequence shifted to a naked Matt. His organ was nearly obscene in its length and girth. A smile on Matt's face both challenged and invited Alejandro. He moved in the slow motion of dream-state toward the eyes, toward the phallus.

"Unnnng, uhhh." He awoke with grunts as he kicked off the covers. His body was sticky with sweat. His cock was rigid, demanding relief. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he wiped the sleep from his eyes and headed into the bathroom.

"Fuck it!" he said softly, irritated at his vulgarity and more irritated at the difficulty to aim his rampant cock to piss into the bowl. He stepped into the shower and relaxed that internal sphincter that held water. He let it fly in a graceful arc to the opposite wall. The sense of relief would have been erotic if his mind had not already been occupied with the images with which he awoke.

After showering he rinsed the soap and shampoo from his body and tried to analyze the quickly fading images of his dream. He gave up, but did wonder where the erotic images had sprung from. All was quickly forgotten when he emerged from his bedroom and saw Frederick and Charles munching on toasted muffins and fresh fruit. The aroma of coffee beckoned.

Frederick was filling Charles in on the love of his life. Charles was listening intently, nodding and making sympathetic noises at the right moments. Alejandro joined them, and motioned for Frederick to continue. He was well warmed to his subject and the affection reflected in every change of expression.

Alejandro glanced at Charles and found Charles looking at him. It was a look of deep understanding. Somehow they didn't need words. They both recognized the love leaping off of the pages of Frederick's heart. Their look acknowledged their deep and likely abiding friendship but not love. They were both peaceful in the knowing.

Soon Frederick was packed and giving the last embraces saying his good-bys. Alejandro rode with him to the airport. He waited until Frederick had cleared the gate and was out of sight before turning for home. He wondered if he'd ever see Frederick again. It was, he knew, one of those friendships that live on despite time and distance. He was glad.

As the car drove toward the center of town, Alejandro mused about the news Charles was to receive and the likely outcome. It would be another good-bye. They seemed to come in groups Alejandro realized. At least they did for him.

When he arrived at the condo, Charles was in high dudgeon. The cleaning service had sent only two people instead of the team he'd contracted. Though genteel, the guests had managed to scatter crumbs, spill wine, and in general make a rather substantial mess.

"Get dressed and go to the office. I'm sure there's something there to do that is more beneficial than to stay and listen to me bitch!" Charles' hands were on his hips and his face was flushed. Alejandro hid his smile thinking that it was the first time he'd seen Charles in this sort of assertive, dominant, take-control mode. There was no question that he'd get his way and Alejandro was more than happy to knot his tie and head downtown.

After greeting his secretary and retrieving his messages and mail he went into the office desperately glad for the quiet, calm retreat. Thumbing through the phone message slips he saw none was urgent. He shuffled through the mail. The thick envelope from San Francisco had an address he didn't immediately recognize.

Alex noted the amount of postage used - it was special delivery and stamped as such in numerous locations. He sat at his desk and sliced the envelope open. There appeared to be a wad of folded sheets of paper.

He removed and unfolded the sheets. On the top was a scrawled note from Matt Grunwald.

`Sorry to be so abrupt but I had to send you these. Wonderful things they are doing. Some will fit as is. Many can be adapted for our growing climate. Want to make sure you are aware that some of the buildings considered will provide only roof-growing area. Need to talk about their Roots and Sprouts Program involving intergenerational gardening. Happening here quite naturally. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of this.'

The sheets were sketches with details enlarged and layouts of various garden plans he'd seen. Some Alejandro recognized. Some were noted, `Change to this for Chigo'. There were notations for thermal mass materials, movable partition construction greenhouses and container gardening that could be modified for nearly nine-month growing.

With some rough sketches Matt had illustrated buildings. `When at all possible – it was underscored three times – buy or invest in buildings that have available greenspace with a south or west exposure.'

There were copious notes, written the way Matt seemed to think. They were linear but occasionally interrupted with random notations. Leafing through the stack several times gathering new insights from each passing, Alejandro knew this was a passionate man on a mission.

Alejandro dialed Zach's office number and left a message that he hoped all was going well and the guests were not making difficulties with demands. He smiled as he cradled the receiver thinking that Zach probably had a virtual perpetual hard-on with so many professionals combing through the information made available and praising his genius.

His thoughts returned momentarily to Charles. He smiled thinking of Charles marshalling the help to make sure everything was shipshape.

Later, Alejandro looked out the window and saw heavy snow falling. He shrugged and shouldered his great coat as he prepared for the trip home. It was the season. During December, nights and weekends would soon be crowded with commitments, and invitations would be left begging. It was the same every year; however with each passing year he found it easier and took it in stride.

Toward the end of the first week of December Charles called him and asked if they could share dinner at Morton's. `It's come. The request for interview has arrived,' Alejandro realized. Quickly Alejandro agreed and met Charles. He was sitting at the same table they'd used when Alejandro had finished his final verbal exam for Art Appreciation years before.

After their drinks had been served Charles spoke. "You may already be aware of this, knowing how well connected you are. I applied some months ago for a position at the Metropolitan. Didn't have a thought that I had a prayer. Alejandro, they've invited me to fly me to New York for an interview. I can't believe it!"

Alejandro smiled broadly, hoping his enthusiasm won out over his concern for himself. "I just found out. The Chairman pulled me aside on Friday, letting me know you'd be a finalist. This isn't just an interview, Charles. You're likely a finalist. They'll make a decision soon, I imagine."

"Alex, so much has happened so fast. I don't know if I'm even ready for an interview, much less the job. I want to do it. I just hope I measure up to their expectations and can answer the questions adequately." Charles' agony was real, Alejandro could easily see.

"Look at it this way, Mr. Dr. Charles Thibodaux. It is a short seminar you're giving. You are being examined. If you succeed, well and good. If not, you walk away a wiser man. I'm sure you will wow them, now quit worrying." Alejandro said his piece briefly trying not to give away what he thought he knew.

Dinner proceeded. Charles dissected everything he knew about the staff and holdings of the Met. When the check was paid, Alejandro was exhausted. Charles was ebullient. As they went their separate ways Alejandro urged confidence and a good night's sleep for Charles, knowing it was improbable.

Charles' interview was within ten days. The decision, they promised, would be made prior to year's end if at all possible. Charles was beyond nervous. Alejandro was almost amused but couldn't show it in the least. He kept comforting and encouraging his friend. The student now took the role of teacher.

The days sped by. Luncheons, requests for funding and social obligations that rested on generations of expectation and precedence filled Alejandro's days and nights. All the members of the visiting delegation to San Francisco had returned to the same seasonal demands but made their reports with enthusiasm. The details each brought back assured Alejandro that every dollar had been wisely spent.

The week before Christmas, Charles received the call from the Met. He was the successful candidate. Could he start before mid-January as a major exhibition needed to be mounted?

His first call was to Alejandro. It was what Alejandro had expected and he genuinely shared Charles' enthusiasm and sense of accomplishment of the moment. They briefly discussed the logistics.

"Of course you say, `Yes'. You can move into the condo and be ready January 2, if need be. What are you thinking, Man? We'll make this happen. Together, the two of us are unstoppable." Alejandro and Charles both laughed at the outsized affirmation.

Resignations were tendered and accepted with regret at both the University and the Institute. The docents and staff at the Institute held a reception for him and gave him a parting gift.

The days grew wings. As Christmas approached, Alejandro and Charles planned and discussed all the elements of the move, the remaining responsibilities in Lafayette and how Charles was going to manage living in New York.

"Charles. Charles! Listen to me. Stop it right now." Alejandro was adamant and tired of listening to the continual worrying. He'd never seen this side of Charles before. He understood the trauma and magnitude of the change. He just couldn't understand how Charles would feel he was doing this alone. Though not joined at either the hip or heart, Alejandro was still a friend for life.

"I know apartments cost a fortune. We bought one, remember?" Alejandro said in exasperation. "Your name is on the deed. I know this wasn't the plan but let's think creatively. I use the condo only two or three times a year. Agree to let me enjoy your company and the privacy of not having to use a hotel and you stay at the condo, partially yours, at no cost. Transfer the utilities into your name. I'll cancel the catering and cleaning – you're a big boy and can take care of yourself." That remark earned Alejandro a cuff on the chin. They both laughed.

Charles heaved a big sigh of relief. "That takes some of the pressure off - most actually."

Alejandro realized his balanced, analytical, academically disciplined friend was at sea. This was big for Charles. This was what he'd hoped for, that hope beyond dreams. It was now his and it was overwhelming. Alejandro remembered different circumstances but similar feelings. He was patient.

Christmas evening, Alejandro planned an open house/farewell for Charles. Of course, they'd be making the rounds on New Years but this was for the larger academic and artistic community. It was well attended even with invitations coming on such short notice and for Christmas evening. Alejandro was pleased and Charles somewhat overwhelmed at the well wishing and promises he had to make for personally guided tours of the Met.

The final guests had gone and the catering crew had cleared out with a more than generous tip and handshake with personal thanks from both men. They poured themselves a single malt Scotch, put on their great coats and went outside to admire the crystalline moonless sky lit only by stars.

"I'll miss you, Charles. No, don't say anything." Alejandro warned him off as Charles tried to speak. "The next few days will be hectic. New Years will be impossible. I need to let you know in a stolen moment of quiet how much I value you as a friend and mentor. Yes, I still depend on you. Less than I did several years ago, but it is partly because of your caustic wit, steadying hand and perspective that I've been able to see my way to this point in my life. Thank you.

"We've never spoken of...no, let me put it differently. We've always known that we were friends not lovers. At times I'm sure we both wondered if we'd cross that line but somehow we didn't and I know we're both okay with it. Am I right?" Alejandro's voice had both certainty and a sense of sadness to it.

Charles intuitiveness and compassion came immediately to the fore. He knew the levels of Alejandro's question and had wondered about them himself.

He turned and took Alejandro by the shoulders. Looking at him with understanding, he said, "After our first visit in my office at the University I found you interesting. After the second, my respect grew ten-fold for the sharpness of your mind, your intellectual capacity and your ability to manage significant multiple tasks to successful conclusions. Your appeal for me has not just been that handsome, muscular and endowed body of yours; it is the whole package, the person of Alejandro.

"Yes, we're both okay with how our friendship has developed. I have no regrets and tons of great memories. I know you can say the same. It would have been very easy for me to find a comfortable niche, others might say rut, staying at the Institute and working part-time at the University. Travel with you, though, opened the world to me in a different way. I knew after participating at the first Met meeting that I could likely hold my own in a variety of art institutions.

"In part, because of our friendship, I've matured from an outwardly cocky yet insecure person to someone who, I hope, is more fully integrated and in touch with himself." Charles laughed at the last comment he'd made. "Sounds like I should be stretched out on the counseling couch, doesn't it?"

Their breath continued to rise in clouds in the cold Chicago night air. Alejandro met his smile and said suggestively, "I know a more comfortable place to recline if you are interested." He winked and said, "Come on Charlie; let's have some fun."

Taking Charles' elbow, Alejandro walked with his friend back to the brilliantly lit, warm condo. Soon there were in the bedroom undressing.

"Gee, where's the blinding passion I've had to contend with, Youngster?" Charles said with a laugh as the continued to unfasten his trousers. "I can remember when you wanted to rip my clothes off to get to this paragon of masculine pulchritude. Now we're more like old married folks, getting ready for the same old thing." His laugh was mostly silent but his chest shook with his mirth.

Alejandro was looking at him, not quite knowing how to respond. Their comments on the deck were still fresh in his mind.

"Just seeing if I could get you. Evidently I've not lost my touch," Charles said with a smirk.

"You're going to pay for that one, Charlie Boy." Alejandro smiled, trying to goad Charles.

As Charles turned from draping his trousers over a chair back he said, "Not tonight, Alejandro."

Alejandro looked up suddenly wondering if this was a challenge or another bit of fun. Charles' face was serious as he held Alejandro's gaze.

"Tonight I want to make it last as long as we can. No frenzied fuck this time, okay? I want to feel you deep inside me. I want to imprint in my mind the feel of that thick cock I've so often enjoyed and perhaps taken for granted. I want to feel my ass stretched and relish the flash of pain that comes each time before I'm overcome with the pleasure of your being in me.

"Let's finish in the bathroom. I want to get comfortable with you, kiss and lick your favorite spots, memorize that musky scent that makes me a little crazy. But most of all I want to make it last `til we're both desperate to cum. When we are, I'm going to take every drop you've got tonight."

As Charles spoke, his eyes drilled into Alejandro's letting him know who was going to be in charge. Alejandro's cock pulsed and rose as Charles described what they'd do. When he'd finished, Alejandro's cock was rigid and throbbing.

"You want this to last? You're going to have to help me pace myself. `Cause right now I want to fuck your eyeballs loose," Alejandro said somewhat breathlessly.

Charles grinned and slightly shook his head. He wondered just how few people knew that Alex could say the word `fuck'. He was always the consummate gentleman, always in control, possessed of perfect manners and a fluent vocabulary; how few knew that the boy could talk trash with the best of them when his dick was hard and demanding satisfaction.

"What are you grinning at now?" Alejandro said with a little exasperation.

"You. I'm grinning at you Alex. Quite frankly, I love it when you talk dirty." Charles laughed again.

"Pace yourself into the bathroom and let's get this show on the road!" Alejandro laughed as he followed Charles.

Their evening in bed was not just sex. It was a layering of passion that continued to build for both of them. They knew each other well. The erogenous places were explored time and again. Charles occasionally had to gently push Alejandro off him as Alejandro's need to take charge began to emerge. At those times, they'd lie quietly, touching each other, talking about memories shared. When both were ready they'd begin again.

Alejandro's pubs were sticky with precum. Charles let his tongue dig into the luxuriant hair and lick them clean. Occasionally he'd remove a stray hair from his mouth and grin before diving back in.

Alejandro gently shifted his body under Charles as Charles explored each contour and crevice with tongue, lips, fingers and nose. Alejandro unknowingly gave clues when Charles was pushing Alejandro to his limit. Again they'd rest, sometimes with Charles head on Alejandro's furry solid pec, listening to the steady strong heartbeat, memorizing, memorizing the sight, the smell, and the sounds of his friend.

At some point they both reached a plateau where they knew there would be the promised release but the demands were lessened. Alejandro was able to return the pleasure of the thorough exploration Charles had given him. Alejandro was careful not to push too hard. This was for Charles. He would bring them both to a crescendo and powerful finale when he was ready.

It was after Charles had explored Alejandro's feet and traced the muscles of both calves and thighs with his tongue that Alejandro groaned softly, "Please, Charles. Please."

Charles moved astride Alejandro directing him to hold his rigid pole steady. Slowly, oh so slowly Charles let his weight fall as his channel devoured Alejandro's aching organ. With exquisite skill, Charles massaged the buried muscle with his rectal muscles. Alejandro's face was alive with motion as each wave of pleasure registered there.

Charles began to slide up and down the throbbing muscle with measured slowness. Charles was sweating, his thighs quivering with the exertion of the slow isotonic exercise. He never rested on Alejandro; he kept the tension and motion consistent. Shifting slightly he brought Alejandro's swollen cockhead in contact with his prostate. As the engorged member raked across the inflamed organ Charles shuddered and momentarily stopped.

"I'm so close. I don't want this to end but I'm so close." It was a whispered moan more to himself than to Alejandro. Charles' strong thighs were rigid cords of definition as he resumed the act of fucking himself on Alejandro's muscle. Steadily he increased the internal grip and speed. When Alejandro was nearly thrashing beneath him, Charles redirected the pistoning muscle to his prostate. Then with increased speed he hammered himself against Alejandro.

Alejandro was moaning continuously, his abs knotted as he resisted the urge to control the fucking. Charles felt his cum rise with a heat that flushed his chest and face. When it came, time stopped. Charles' ring clamped tightly around Alejandro's hard penis. Charles kept thrusting the cock up, deeper within him. The burn of the stretched ring as he reached the thick base of Alejandro's cock drove more cum from his throbbing cock.

Alejandro had grasped Charles' waist when his own orgasm peaked. They bucked against each other, Alejandro bridging violently, driving his body into Charles. Both were gasping as the moment ebbed. Charles was sitting with his head thrown back; his chest heaved. Alejandro lay still as his breath slowly returned to normal. When he opened his eyes he saw Charles looking at him.

"Thank you." It was said gently, softly. It was all that needed to be said.

Alejandro raised his arms inviting Charles. Charles gently lay on Alejandro's strong chest, the back of his head nestled in the crook of Alejandro's neck. They both drifted off to sleep.

The next morning at breakfast, Alejandro listened as Charles, with mounting panic, described all he had to do. After he'd driven himself into a near frenzied state, Alejandro got up, found a pad and pen and began to outline the tasks in an orderly, logical manner. When they'd finished, Charles' normal demeanor had almost returned; he was smiling and they set about working the list they'd made.

Within two days, Charles had packed all the things from his apartment he planned to take to New York. The remainder Alejandro convinced him was good, serviceable furniture that Goodwill could use and would pick up in January. Charles packed the clothes he'd need for the week and weekend and took them to Alejandro's. A truck came and picked up the boxes going east and they all headed for O'Hare where Alejandro had chartered a flight.

Their arrival in New York was made easier since the charter company had arranged for a truck and limo to meet them. Soon they were unpacking boxes in the condo. After that task was accomplished they treated themselves to a walk to the Rockefeller Plaza to see the angels, the tree and watch ice skaters while sipping hot chocolate.

They wandered casually up 5th Avenue enjoying the view of Central Park through the bare trees. They reached the Metropolitan and laughed as they paid the suggested entry fee to the docent guarding the doorway. The Neapolitan Crèche and Christmas tree in first floor Medieval Art area was a towering beauty as always. For many New Yorkers it was an icon of Christmas and each year a pilgrimage was made.

They found a trendy little bistro on one of the side streets and enjoyed dinner and shared a bottle of wine. Afterward they strolled down 5th and took in the windows at Lord and Taylors and Steuben. Pulling their scarves closer and turning up their collars they headed across Manhattan to the condo.

They sat chatting quietly, enjoying a single malt Scotch before bed. Snow flurries danced outside the windows. Showering together, they each helped the other to a satisfying orgasm. Their sleep came quickly. For both it was deep and restful.

The next morning the concierge directed them to several places to shop that offered delivery. Together they played house as they shopped for cheese, wine, and meats for the freezer as well as various pastas and bottled sauces. When they had finished they agreed that Charles could arrive, shower and cook his first meal, never having to leave the place.

They showered and fixed drinks before going out to dinner. After dinner they walked the 20 blocks to the condo. After bathroom duties were done, they went to bed. Charles pushed Alejandro's shoulder back when he leaned in for a kiss. Climbing atop him, Charles took charge and while deliberate, he didn't rush them to the climax that they shared.

They caught an early flight back to Chicago, having done what they set out to accomplish in New York.

Mid-morning they were taking the limo back into Chicago. Charles lunched with friends while Alejandro went into the office to look over mail. They were both hosted by a group of Charles' friends for dinner. The group was a mix from the Institute and University. They were fun, rowdy, and everyone had a great time.

On the 30th Charles made the rounds scheduling utility cut-offs for the end of January and transferring mail. Alejandro's plan included leaving power and phone on until the apartment was empty and cleaned.

They enjoyed a quiet dinner early on New Year's Eve and later went to a dinner dance hosted by one of Alejandro's family friends. Both men were well known and the evening passed all too quickly. Giddy from drinks and champagne they'd consumed to toast 1972 in, they laughed all the way home at some of the antics of mutual friends.

Alejandro had laid in supplies for a sumptuous breakfast buffet. He rose early and tucked covers back in around Charles, insisting that he sleep. Making coffee, Alejandro bundled up in his robe, slippers and great coat and took a mug out on the deck to greet the New Year.

It was a blustery, gray day that matched his mood of the moment. Charles would leave that day and be ready to stretch his wings in New York. `Turn that frown upside down'. The thought sprang to mind from childhood. "Fuck That!" he said aloud and went inside to start frying bacon.

Breakfast was slow and leisurely. Neither man wanted to rush the moment. Their conversation was desultory, ranging from new beginnings to memories shared. It was easy. There were no regrets.

Alejandro rode with Charles to the charter departure lounge and waited until the plane taxied out of sight before returning home. Some friends, aware of the timing and the transitions had made sure Alejandro came over for football and a light buffet supper. Their kindness was appreciated and helped dull the absence he felt. Sleep was slow coming that night but finally he rested.

Alejandro's default mode to dealing with change was to get busy. He hurled himself into work at the office and with the housing project. At a meeting with the primary partners, including Matt Grunwald, it was decided that an architect's services were needed to oversee the inspections, plans and to advise on the final properties selected for purchase. Suggestions were made and a search was begun.

All knew that the person had to be disposed to economy as well as livability. This initiative was gaining profile among various local communities and church groups as well as local and state politicos. Any architect involved had much to gain in reputation based on the success of the project.

Alejandro was adamant that these units were more than adequate shelter. His hope was they would become homes for those who lived there. Equally strong was his insistence that home grown nutrition would make differences in health, community and quality of life. Matt's position was secure and his opinions sought as plans continued to develop.

Alejandro realized that one of the pillars of success was true partnership. He realized that simply due to his financial clout and the substantial resources he'd committed, it would be easy for partners to defer to him to the extent that their ownership and thereby passion would diminish.

Matt was the latecomer to the mix. Alejandro had continually been impressed by his energy and innovative approach to each problem that arose. He exhibited personal discipline in every aspect Alejandro had observed. Alejandro needed someone to bounce ideas off of. The other partners had agendas, albeit benign he hoped, relating to their own mission. Matt was free of any such encumbrances.

Matt was flattered that Alejandro would take him into confidence. Alejandro made it clear that a marginal, easily forgotten success or a major stride forward in dealing with housing issues rested on a few key decisions. One of them was Matt, himself. The other was the selection of the architect.

Matt felt the weight of Alejandro's assessment of Matt's potential contribution. It fired Matt's determination like nothing had in years. They formed an unofficial alliance where candor and confidentiality were the currency. Alejandro's presumptions were confirmed. Matt had seen and sensed a common bond and commitment by all the partners that was generally understood, and agreed on by all.

Alejandro confessed his fears of being too strong a presence and suggested that he step back and let the others bring solutions as well as critical decisions to the table for the majority to decide. Matt agreed. He assured Alejandro that a sense of urgency and passion to see the project succeed was the consistent theme in conversations he'd been a part of in San Francisco. Further he allowed that there had been no noticeable hints of covert jealousy or turf-staking evidenced by the partners. Alejandro was satisfied.

After work, he'd played racquetball, worked out and spent time in the pool and tub. A light dinner with wine relaxed him and to his surprise the next morning, he realized that he'd slept deeply and well.

The cold and intermittent sleet and snow typical of January was a chore to deal with. Sitting at his desk looking at the glowering, grey clouds, Alejandro impetuously picked up the phone and called Zach. The friendly and excited voice on the other end lifted his spirits immediately. Before their conversation was over, Alejandro had a trip planned to California.

He'd had never been to Napa or the valley bearing its name. Zach was an old hand and promised to give Alejandro a perfect tour devoid of the crowds of tourists that would return in the spring. Promising to make all the arrangements Zach hung up and sat with a wide smile on his face. Alejandro, had he seen it, would have guessed immediately that he'd set something in motion.

Alejandro had given Zach a timetable to work with, penciling out the dates on his calendar. Several days later Zach called and outlined the trip. What they'd do and see encouraged Alejandro to come as early as possible. Zach's enthusiasm gave Alejandro his first inkling of the entanglement he'd have to deal with before he returned home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The peculiar food and drink of writers is the comment from the reader. Please feel free to drop me a note at firehosejoe@yahoo.com

Next: Chapter 46


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