The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities are completely fortuitous. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. If such content offends you please leave now. The author maintains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written consent from the author. Write Bobby at brokendreamboi@yahoo.com with you comments.
A Life So Changed 10
The past month has been absolutely thrilling. I have gotten drunk almost every single night. What about school? Exactly, what about school? I haven't gone but maybe three days. And all those days were cut short. I needed an escape. The continuous amount of alcohol was the perfect one. Oh, and don't get me started on the sexual escapes. Me and that waiter are really starting to hit it off. I finally learned his name; it's Mark. I think I'm starting to fall in love with him even though I told myself that I don't need anyone.
The past month I haven't seen Jared that much. Sure, the few times I've gone to school we've seen each other and he's even tried to talk to me. Hell, he's called me tons of times just making small talk. He told me that...he still loves me. When he told me that, warmth swelled inside of me. Then I quickly got rid of it. At the end of every call he also said he loves me, and then I'd here the click.
"You know, maybe you should just call and talk to him sometime." Mark said, buttoning his shirt back up.
"What?"
"That boy, Jared, is it? You obviously still care for him." he said simply.
"No I don't," I argued. I stood up off of his bed and walked behind him. My arms found there way around his waist and locked hands.
"Oh, come on, you do too! I saw this sparkle in your eyes the past few times you talk to this mystery man." Mark explained.
"No, I don't." I said firmly. I walked in front of him and looked him dead in the eyes. "I...I love you."
He turned around and gave me a weird look. "You what?"
"I...think I love you, Mark."
"Really? Hmm, I think that deserves some alcohol. It's Saturday night after all and we've done no big partying lately. What do you say?" he said quickly.
I suddenly got the feeling that I pushed limits that we never even had. And I realized that all we do is blow jobs when he gets off work or bored at his small apartment. Where is the love in that? And where the fuck does he get off telling me I still care about Jared?
"Yeah, sure. Let's go party hardy." I said, flashing him a fake smile. We don't even kiss. It is just blowjobs.
He drove us to the Miller place. It was quite crowded for only being nine. Right when we walked in we were handed a beer. The not-so-faint smell of Mary Jane was lofting in the air. The small alone was making me anxious to get my hands on some. And of course I got some.
After a couple hours I drank minimum which surprised the hell out of me. Eventually I began wandering around the house looking for Mark. I wanted to leave, but he brought us so I was screwed. No one had seen him downstairs so I drifted upstairs. There were several people upstairs doing the same thing downstairs. The only difference between the floors was that the upstairs had more rooms to...do things in I guess. As I walked down the hallway I noticed that one of the doors was open. Carefully, I poked my head in and was stunned.
"Oh, yes! Mmm, that's perfect!" Mark moaned. I saw someone thrusting into Mark roughly. Mark was on all fours and he was totally into it. Of course, anger swarmed inside of me. I tore myself away from the door, trying to hold back the tears. The crowd seemed like it had suddenly grown larger, but I managed to force my way through the drunks and stoners and I actually made it outside. The tears had made there way out of my eyes unfortunately, and I realized I have no way to get home.
Mark is such an asshole for doing this to me. We share blow jobs for months then I tell him I'm falling in love with him and how does he repay me? By bringing me to a party to get drunk and then get himself a quick fuck, that's how. Fuck it, I'll just go back in and drink some more. I think tonight is the night to get completely smashed.
And that is exactly what I did. Around two is when I must have woken up from passing out. I was barely able to get up and walk, but I had to find Mark. Of course, it wasn't until I checked every room that I was told he left. Instead of people telling me this first, I had to kill myself trying to find someone who had apparently left two hours ago. What a bastard. My feet that were stumbling every step weren't helping me make my escape through the door, but eventually I stumbled outside where I collapsed by a tree. I propped myself against the base and took out my cell phone, dialing Jared's number.
"Mmm, hello?" Jared said groggily.
At first, I couldn't reply to him. His voice was angelic to me, and I hated myself for thinking like that. "Hi,"
"Um, hi, who is this?"
"It's me," I said softly. "Kevin,"
"Kevin? What the hell are you doing at two-"
"I need your help." I interrupted him.
"Oh, okay. What do you need?"
So I told him that I was stranded here and he told me that I wouldn't be for long. What a great guy. I'm almost thinking that it's a shame I broke up with him. But if he wasn't so damn demanding and controlling then I wouldn't have had to break up with him.
Although, maybe my drinking is a problem in my life. I can see why Jared would want me to quit. Drinking and smoking is a total catastrophe to your health. Then again with the way I have felt lately I could care less about my health. I couldn't care less if a truck ran me over at full speed. At least then I would be out of my fucking misery.
I know I fucked up. Jared was my everything. He was my boyfriend, my lover, my rock. And then I had to go and screw everything up. When Jared had called to talk to me we always talked about how I was, but not one thing was usually mentioned about him. This suddenly pissed me off. How the hell could I be so selfish? Jared had given me everything I'd ever wanted. And some of the things he gave me he wasn't even aware of.
Maybe I could try to stop doing these things. Maybe just drink instead of drugs and smoking. Then again I couldn't drink like I do now. Ah, hell, what am I thinking? If I gave all this shit up again I'd just lose it like I did before. But if I did try and stop this time I could at least drink every now and then which would help the process so I wouldn't go through DT's.
A car pulled up into the small dirt lot a little ways from the house and parked. Someone got out of it and ran up to me. Instantly I knew who it was. The biggest tip off was his scent. Even at two in the morning his scent was almost dangerous.
"Kevin, what's going on?" Jared asked quietly.
I started crying for no reason. I felt his hand wipe the falling tears away. That touch nearly burnt. It had been a long time since I felt a loving touch like that. Sure, Mark touched me, but that was just to reposition his mouth on my dick. "Can you take me home?"
He looked at me cautiously, probably deciding on whether or not I was okay enough to go home or maybe the fact that without Mark I really didn't have a home. "Why don't you come home with me? You can shower and change your clothes and eat something. You look so pale and skinny."
"I think that'd be a mistake, Jared." I said somewhat hoarsely.
"No, it won't be. I promise there are no strings attached. I'm just trying to help you out."
"But why?"
"Because I still love you. Even though you have done horrible things, I still love you."
"Oh, don't say that."
"Why not?" he asked calmly.
"Because I still love you, too, damn it." I choked out. He wiped more tears away and helped me stand up. I was to sick and drunk to resist so I tried being as easy to carry as I could be.
He drove me to his house and took me to his room. I was on the verge of passing out, but I was forcing myself to stay awake. He brought me here so I could shower and that is what I intend to do.
I bent down to try and take my shoes off, but Jared started doing it for me. He started with my shoes and socks, then my pants, then my shirt. By now, I was completely naked except for my briefs. I may have been out of it, but I knew what Jared was doing.
"Jared I can't do this with you." I groaned.
"I'm just helping you out, Kevin. You wanna take a shower, right?"
"Fine, but I'll take these off in the bathroom."
"That's okay,"
I walked into the bathroom and started the shower. I slid my briefs off and stepped inside the shower. Suddenly, I was on my back.
"Kevin!" I heard someone say. "Are you all right?" I couldn't answer. My head was hurting even worse than before and I felt so stiff. Then the door swung open and I was lifted onto my butt. "Kevin, are you okay?" Jared grabbed my face and looked straight into my eyes. It was hard to focus on him, and I couldn't.
"I killed the cat. Lots of blood." I barely got out.
"What? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Lots of blood."
He lifted me up and carried me back to his room. There was no way I could walk. I felt him put me down and cover me up. He left, I'm guessing to turn the water off then I felt the bed lightly sink down next to me.
"You were hallucinating. Why are you doing this to yourself, Kevin?"
I couldn't answer. The only thing that I was capable of was sitting there, looking in his eyes, and crying. He rubbed my stomach gently and wiped the tears away. The last thing I remember before shutting my eyes was him telling me "I love you."
I woke up to an empty room. Jared wasn't anywhere to be seen. Thank God. I am so not in the mood to talk about anything right now. I pushed the blanket off of me, but that was a big mistake. I quickly pulled it back over myself. It was freezing. And I was naked. What the hell?
"Oh, good, you're awake." Jared walked in the room looking bright as usual. I think my feelings for him might be heating back up, but...I can't let them. If I fall back in love with him I'd have to quit everything. I won't do that shit if we get back together. Lucky me, we won't get back together.
"Where are my clothes?" I asked. He pointed to the end of the bed. I reached down and grabbed my briefs. "You washed my clothes?"
"Of course I did," he replied.
"Well, thanks,"
"No problem, anytime."
I slid my shirt over my chest then stood up. Jared looked me over and gave me a shy smile. His cute signs were enough to drive me wild usually, but not anymore...kind of.
"Can you drop me off at a friend's house?" I asked.
"Oh, you want to leave already?" He seemed generally disappointed, but spending to much time with him would be bad. It'd be giving him false hope.
"It'd be best,"
"Right, best."
I finished getting dressed and ate the food that Jared made me. After, he drove me to Mark's apartment where I have been staying for the past month. Before I got out of the jeep we just sat not talking to each other. I felt so awkward being in my ex-boyfriend's jeep. Sure, I'm grateful that he gave me a ride last night, but I never asked to be taken to his house.
"Thanks," I said, opening the door and stepping out. As I made my way into the complex gate Jared shouted my name. I didn't turn around, but I heard a door shut and foot steps coming towards me.
"I still love you. Does that not mean anything to you?" he asked with hopefulness in her voice.
"Honestly I'm flattered, but no, it doesn't. I'm sorry."
"So, what you just pretended to love me? Is that it?"
"No, but you drove me away! You made me quit that shit and I didn't want to. You were controlling and strict. It was like living with my parents!"
Before he responded I turned around and continued walking into the complex. As I was climbing the stairs to Mark's apartment I heard a car speed away. I assumed it was Jared. It wasn't my intention so break is heart, but if I don't love him anymore than I can't just deny my self-respect and still go out with him. But shit, who am I kidding? I still feel a little something for Jared. Although, I don't. It is so hard to explain my feelings.
I walked inside the apartment and was greeted by Mark and some guy sleeping naked on the couch. Nice. What a bastard. I was actually starting to fall in love with him. Suddenly, a thought struck me. Why the hell am I here? I don't live here. I don't have anything but a few shirts here. Fuck this shit.
The past week has been a living miserable hell. Since I found Mark naked with that guy I immediately kicked myself out, not worrying about telling him goodbye. But since I had no where else to go I actually am now homeless. Jared is an option, but he hasn't even called me. It's not like it'd do any good any ways. I haven't paid the bill this month so it's shut off. I don't think he'd call me considering we left on my terms.
Could you forgive me?
I don't know if I could. For a while it actually seemed like Jared was forgiving me without me even saying anything. But I think that is only because he is still in love with me. The thought of going back to him and telling him that I'm still in love with him has been on my mind ever since I told him that I didn't care if he loved me or not.
Tonight I plan on going to a party and getting myself wasted beyond belief. I've been going to the same place for parties for the past couple months, but now it is time to spice it up. I heard about this place that could stomp all over the Miller place. And just because I have no car, no home, no one who gives a damn about me, doesn't mean that I'm not gonna party until I die.
Luckily, tonight was coming very fast. My new home wasn't that far from the party either. Recently I've lived in one of the parks that are found in our city. I go as far into it as I can so that no one, not even the early morning runners, could find me.
Sometimes I would forget where I kept what my things. Of course, if I forgot where they were it wouldn't be a big deal. Alls I have are a few shirts and...the necklace Jared gave me for Christmas. It is the only thing left of him that I have. Now, I bet you're sitting there thinking that I brought this upon myself. Well, you're only half right. Sure, I broke up with him, but the reason for the break up was simple: I wasn't happy anymore. I missed my old life and how I ran it. But why do I feel miserable without him in my life anymore. I even had the perfect opportunity last week when he picked me up from the Miller party. I'm just too much of a coward, I'll admit that. But what to do now? Well, that is such a simple answer. Party.
I walked to the house where the party was. I had waited a couple hours for the party to start and for people to get drunk before I moved in and took over. It only took me an hour to get drunk, but I was not satisfied there. I wanted to get wasted. There was no ulterior motive other than that. And so I did. Twenty shots of...God only knows what and eight joints. To say I was fucking gone would be sugar coating it.
Around four, I decided to walk back to my park home. It was amazing that I was able to walk on my own. On my way, I stumbled a few times and even tripped, but my thoughts never changed; should I go to Jared's right now and tell him that I love him?
Wait, I just went from unloving to loving in a matter of hours. Shit. Even though I am dangerously drunk and somewhat high maybe I should at least go to Jared's and tell him the good news. At this very moment I am deciding that I want those feelings he gives me even if it means I have to stop what I'm doing to myself. I want to feel that warm sensation he can course through my body by just simply looking at me. Aw, now I'm freaking crying.
But fine. I'm going to his house. I just hope that a cop doesn't find me wandering the streets right now. Besides that fact, it is freezing outside and I have nothing but a shirt, pants, shoes, and a silver necklace in my pocket. I lost my wallet some time ago, but I have no idea where it could even be.
When I was only three blocks away from his house I ran into trouble, major fucking trouble. A car pulled up next to me and stopped. I didn't turn around to look because I knew who it was. I just continued walking.
"Hey son," One person got out of the driver side and the passenger side. It freaked me out considering I've never had to come in contact with these people.
"Yeah?" I said, turning around and facing them.
"Mind telling us what you're doing out so late? Or in this case so early?" a woman asked.
"I was just enjoying the morning. Is there a problem?"
"How old are you kid?" a man asked.
"I'm old enough not to answer that question." I said flatly. I was feeling extra brave at the moment, but I shouldn't have been so bold.
"I like your daring kid," the man said. "I'm Lieutenant Scavo and this is my partner, Officer Solis, where's your house? We'll take you home." They both stepped in closer to me and shined their flashlights into my eyes.
"I don't have a home. My parents put me up for adoption. I broke up with my boyfriend so I can't go there anymore. I hooked up with a guy and got a place to live, but ran away from there after he had sex with some jackass. Does that answer your question?" I said hastily.
"That and so much more. Listen kid, where're you heading to?" the Lieutenant asked.
"I was just about to go to my ex's house." I replied nervously.
"Well, tell you what. We'll let you go this time, and give you a ride to his house." the officer said nicely. "What's your name?"
"Um, Kevin Scavo," The Lieutenant seemed to look at me harder after I said my name. I wonder if I have some kind of record, or my parents called the cops on me for some reason. Officer Solis looked at the Lieutenant and then back at me warmly.
"Right, well, Kevin let's get you in the car and we'll give you a lift." Solis said.
I was hesitant at first, but then replied, "I guess that'd be okay." She opened the back door for me and I hopped in and closed the door. I noticed that the Lieutenant was looking at me curiously before Solis stepped in front of him and started talking. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I got the faint indication that it was definitely about me. When Officer Solis turned around and looked at me I looked a different way sharply. They both got in the car and I told them how to get to Jared's house. Officer Solis was making small talk with me where as Lieutenant Scavo was busy...that's why he kept looking me over. We have the same last name. But it's not like we're related or anything so what was the big deal?
"It's the huge one on the left," I said.
"Wow that is one huge house." Solis said.
"You can just drop me off in front of the security office. I have to go through that anyways."
We pulled in front of the office and I stepped out, along with them. Gus walked down to us and regarded me as if I was invisible.
"Hi, I'm Lieutenant Scavo and this is my partner, Officer Solis. We are just escorting Kevin here."
Gus stuck out his hand. "Gus Basset, head of security here at the Young residence."
"Well, Kevin, you stay out of trouble and stay indoors during curfew. Good night." Officer Solis said. She stuck out her hand and I shook it without hesitation.
"Thank you," I said, smiling for the first time in weeks. She sat back in the cruiser then shut the door leaving me and the Lieutenant standing outside. Gus already went back up into the office probably because he was freezing his ass off.
"Here's my card, Kevin. Give me a call anytime if you need some help."
"Um, thanks Lieutenant." I said. He extended his hand and I easily shook his hand. He walked back around and got in then drove off. A general feeling of happiness swept inside of me. I got really lucky tonight by not getting tested or taken in for being a minor.
I walked up to the office and asked Gus to let me in. He must have known what has been going on because he was very rude to me. Hell, he didn't even let me in.
"Gus, please let me in. I know I've screwed my life up, Jared's life up, but I'm here to try and fix that." I begged. This was making me feel even guiltier. A hang over was in clear feeling and I was not in the mood to deal with a hang over and rude people. After what seemed like an hour of begging he actually let me in. I don't know if he got tired of me begging or he believed me, but when he finally let me in I almost screamed.
Now here I am standing in front of the door that is the entryway to Jared's home. I suddenly felt very depressed, but I guess that's normal right? I slowly reached out my hand and opened the door, trying to be very quiet. Luckily no one was awake. The grandfather clock by the front door showed about five. So, all in all everything only took about an hour. Not bad at all.
I climbed the stairs to Jared's room. I hadn't even realized it, but tears were actually falling from my face. Great, I come here to make up and I'm starting the water works. Oh well, it'll show how sincere I am. Besides, if I didn't start crying now I'd just do it once I saw him.
His door was open which was unusual for him; he always keeps his door closed. Carefully, I crept in the room and saw that Jared was sitting on his love seat covered with his small silk blanket. Even if it was dark in his room I could easily tell that he'd been crying.
"Hi," I whispered, trying not to scare him.
"Kevin, what are you doing here?" he asked, getting in front of me quickly. His scent took me by surprise and I got a little lightheaded.
"I came to...to say that I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. There was no excuse for what I've said and the things I've done, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry." I never looked away from his eyes; they were now watery and I could tell he was about to cry at any second. His face suddenly cringed though.
"You're drunk," he said disappointingly.
"Yes, but I mean what I'm saying, Jared. God, I was such an idiot. I still love you!" I cried. He looked happy again after I said that. And indeed he was. I think it was the way he suddenly grabbed me in a hug that tipped me off.
"I've missed you so much! I haven't done anything since we've broken up. My parents were so worried about me. Hell, everyone was." Jared cried.
"I'm so sorry, Jared. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Done." We separated and he smiled at me. I returned the gesture and wiped some tears from his face. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a necklace. "You still have it!"
"Of course I do. It was the only thing I had left of you. It was a painful reminder, but I always made sure it was safe." I said.
He pulled his shirt collar down a little bit and showed a silver necklace. "You kept yours, too."
"I've barely even taken it off."
"I love you so much. And I'm still so sorry. I need your help with these things, Jared." I pulled him into my body and hugged him. It felt so right to be here in his arms. I'm finally happy again, but there is still so much we have to work through. This time I know I'll do things fro myself and not just for him. I really do want to quit those things. Well, at least the pot and I'll take it easy with the alcohol, but I can't say for sure that I'll quit that.
"Shh, it's all behind us now. I just want to focus on you right now. I've missed having you in my arms."
"I'll quit smoking, but I don't think I can quit drinking. I'll at least only drink every once in a while."
"Fine, fine, whatever. I don't even care about that stuff right now." he said, tightening his grip around me. "We can talk about all that later."
"Good, I'm so happy again."
Now and then, we all need a little help. So we ask for small favors. But it's always best to be wary of those eager to come to our rescue because even the smallest of favors carries a price tag. Yes, everyone has an agenda no matter what they may tell us. And in those rare instances where there is no ulterior motive, we're so taken aback that we may fail to recognize the truth...
"Me too, Kevin, me too."
...that a loving friend has just done us an enormous favor.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The end is coming closer to this story. Feel free to write me at the e-mail given at the top of every chapter or join my group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Shades_of_Wisteria/ and write me there or do both. Thanks!