This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Michael Timothy Headly -- That's me!
Spike -- (Diane, my big sister)
Mary -- My mom
Tom -- My father.
Gilbert Blank -- Friend from Woodland
Joey Gray -- Gilbert's "little brother"
Bobby Pepper -- New friend
Arlo Gates - Orienteer
Randy Samson -- Arlo's roomie
James Samson (Jay) Randy's adopted brother and ... My Twin!
Blair -- New Roomie
... From Chapter 15:
I shook Jay "awake". "C'mon Shawnie Baby -- we need to move into the bedroom." He got up and Randy sleepily took his arm and they went into the bedroom. I followed and Jay actually undressed Randy. "Sorry Randy, but I'm afraid the sleep wear is all used up. We have to sleep without any tonight."
"I can deal with that. Lock the door!" He said.
We took turns going to the bathroom. And then climbed in the bed, this time with Jay between us.
"G'night Bro."
"G'night Bro."
"G'night Bro."
We slept spooning all the rest of the night, waking up to Diane's knocking. "We have barely enough time to get to that church you pointed out, Randy. Better get up."
We all hugged close and stretching, got up. And believe me -- we were ALL "up"! Randy is always a beautiful sight to see.
Chapter 16
In church our first meeting was what they called Priesthood. All the men and young men over 12 attend priesthood meeting. And each man over the age of 12 holds some kind of priesthood. They said it was the power to act in the name of God. Each successive level of the priesthood carries more and more responsibility. They didn't cover all this info - I had to ask.
While the men and young men are in priesthood the women and young women are also in meetings, but woman don't hold the priesthood.
Since I was in college, Randy said that Jay and I should go to his meeting -- in the Elders Quorum. This was my first time at any such meeting, but this was also the first time Jay ever attended the men's meeting.
In it they taught about serving one another and living close to Christ. I could tell that something was going on with Jay, but couldn't put my finger on it.
After that was Sunday school. Another class, studying the scriptures. The kept quoting from the "Book of Mormon". It sounded like the Bible to me -- and was pretty much the same, as far as I could tell -- except I was given a paperback copy to keep and I read parts of it. It was much easier to read and understand than the Bible, but said mostly the same things.
Again, something seemed to be bothering Jay. Of course we didn't do anything to attract anyone's attention. At one time, during their spiritual meeting, he was actually crying. Everyone I saw partook of the bread and water that was offered in remembrance of Christ's sacrifice. That was when Jay was tearing up. He didn't eat any bread or drink the blessed water, either. I asked him about that later. Again he teared up.
"I -- I -- don't feel worthy to partake of the Sacrament."
"Wha -- at? Are you feeling guilty about being gay?"
"No!" He said sharply, then quickly explained. "If I had been fooling with a girl I'd have felt just as bad. Fornication of any kind is -- is -- a sin."
"And what is considered fornication?" I asked.
"It -- it - "
Randy walked in and I could see that he immediately picked up on the tension in the room. "What's the matter, Bros?"
"Jay was just trying to explain what your church believes is fornication."
"Oh." Said Randy. He made his way to his brother. And sat next to him on the bed. "Are you okay, Jay-Jay?"
"Not -- not exactly." He stammered. "Tell -- tell Mike what fornication is."
Randy looked at me. I could still see concern behind his sunglasses, in his non-seeing eyes. He looked in my direction, but spoke to his brother. "Jay-jay -- did you take the sacrament today?"
Jay could hardly speak and he squeaked out, "No."
Then Randy spoke to me. "Jay didn't take the Sacrament because he was involved in fornication. That's any sexual relations outside marriage."
I was stunned. I knew what fornication was, but the implication for us was -- devastating -- to us. If my lover felt that he was sinning every time we had sex -- what could I do to make him feel better about it?
"I -- I - "
"He needs time to think.." Said Randy.
I looked hard ... but lovingly at my twin. He nodded.
I wanted to scream. What could I do? I moved closer to Jay and put my arm around his shoulders and my hand on his knee. He moved my hand from his knee and started to shudder and put his hands up to his face. He looked like he was going to turn and fall, crying on my breast. Instead he stopped and fell on his other brother, and broke into sobs. Randy said, "SHhhh, Little brother. We'll get through this." I was beside myself -- devastated myself. Randy quietly said, "Close the door, Mikey."
I did and then Randy patted the place on the bed on his other side. I sat -- feeling like a zombie. A teenaged zombie! A 13-year-old zombie!
"My sweet brothers. You may have noticed -- that I took the Sacrament today. Do you know why, Jay-jay? I have done the same things with Mikey that you and Mikey have been doing."
"I know you and Mike didn't do anything near what we have done this weekend!" said Jay.
"He's right Randy. We - "
"Randy, I lied about not feeling good last night -- so I could stay home form the Temple trip. Then we -- we -- did -- more than I knew was possible - more than I knew I could stand to do ... and I loved it!"
I felt so guilty when he said that. I had shown him all the things I knew to do. He was a relative virgin before I got to him! "You don't need to feel that way, Mikey!" said Randy.
"Huh?" I said. I hadn't said anything about how I felt!
"I can feel your -- your -- guilt. You don't need to feel that way. You haven't been raised with this -- like Jay and I have. But - Jay-jay -- the point is -- I took the sacrament because I repented."
"I know that!" Protested Jay. "And how do you think I can repent?"
Randy's shoulders slumped. "I now see Dad's logic. Jay-jay, I couldn't imagine why Dad would tell you to ask for your name to be removed from the church records. Now I do. If you do, you won't feel responsible -- like you do now -- or not AS responsible." He was patting Jays back as he told him this. "Jay -- I have only known Diane for barely 4 days and yet I feel like I love her. Maybe that's not the right reason to repent, but it sure makes it a lot easier. I can't see that it will ever be that way for you. Little brother -- I hate to even say it -- but I think you just need to move on."
Jay heaved a deep shuddering sigh and his shoulders started to heave and again he was sobbing on Randy's chest. Randy felt my cheeks. Somehow I wasn't crying at all. "Are you okay, Mikey?" He asked.
"I -- I feel kind of -- numb, I guess." I said.
"Maybe you could leave me here with my brother and -- and -- tell the others we were tired -- and needed to take a nap. You must be tired too, babe."
"I'll tell them." I said woodenly. I got up and started for the door.
Randy said, "Mikey?"
I stopped and turned. "We love you, Mikey -- both of us love you!" Jay didn't look, but his head bobbed.
I left and went to the front room. All eyes were on me. "I -- we -- they needed to -- um -- rest -- a little. I went out to the back yard and lay down in a chaise.
In no time, my sister was in the chaise beside me. She took my hand and just held it. Finally I said, "This is so hard -- for both of us."
"I know -- I could tell. You two aren't all that hard to read. I'm the one that sent Randy in there."
"Thanks!"
"I'm sorry." She said.
"No really -- thanks. I think he made Jay feel better."
"He made Jay feel better," she repeated, " -- but not Mikey, huh?"
"I dunno what to think ... or feel! Gosh, I love him so much!" I said. Then it was I who started to whimper. "Did -- did -- I -- push him too fast? He sure seemed to like -- um -- everything I -- um -- showed him."
"You mean after the two of you pulled the headache thing to get out of going to their temple?"
"I was gonna go!" I protested.
"Yeah, until Mom suggested you stay back with your brother. I think Jay was counting on that! And I saw both your faces when she said it. It was as if you both said, `Yess!' first Jay -- before he looked down to hide his glee, and then you."
"Well, I guess it worked." I said, still sniffling.
"Well, yeah -- it did. But Mom and Dad aren't stupid!"
"Do you think they knew"
"Um ... YEAH! They both are really confused as to what to do or say to you. I just told them all they could do was to keep loving you. But I think they can figure out what's happening with Jay. They saw how passionate Randy was as he showed us around the Temple Visitors Center. There was someone who walked us around the temple, and they showed us where the different rooms are in the temple. Randy was almost glowing the whole time."
Wanting to get the subject off me, I asked, "So -- what's going on with you two?"
"Well -- I'm a couple years older than Randy, but he doesn't care. What I like is he likes me -- for me. Here I lost all that weight to make myself more presentable to a guy -- and now I get a guy who can't appreciate it."
"Well, you certainly have nothing to be ashamed of -- now. If I wasn't gay - "
"Um -- let's not go there -- ever again. Let's pretend I never said anything!" She laughed. "Think you can wrap your M. T. Head around that?"
"I love you so much, Spike!" I said squeezing her hand.
The rest of the day, after Jay's and Randy's "Nap" jay wasn't exactly cold to me, but he told me in a private moment -- "I just need some time to think things through. This is hard!"
"I know it is, Shawnie. I'll wait."
He hugged me close as he ever had, to thank me. When we got back to school, Randy started to work -- with his parents assistance -- to get him a transfer to Sacramento. He could not really do it until the next semester, but he was excited about that.
Arlo was expecting me to not want to fool around, knowing how I felt about my "new" brother. So he was not too disappointed when I didn't give any return on his broad hints. He found out soon enough that Jay and I were kind of "on a break" but he didn't really understand it. I'm not too sure I did!
In the mean time a shy blondish guy came to fill the empty room. He was a pretty big guy, who had been originally at the university for a football scholarship. But something went wrong with that and his parents had enough clout to keep him there anyway. He was working with tutors to bring his grades up, since the scholarship would not cut him slack any longer. There was a sadness about him that broke my heart, but he was very closed about his life, especially his past.
At the same time, I had only seen Jay on weekends, and not very much even then. He obviously loved me, but he decided that he needed to be celibate while he worked things out ... and I of course I had to respect that. I told him I'd wait and it wasn't that hard -- most of the time. I was pretty confident that he would come around.
I moved into Randy's room -- to let Blair -- the new roomie -- have mine, so that we could keep our study room. That wasn't too hard either because Randy was committed to my sister and I wasn't going to do anything to mess up her relationship. The most we did -- and it was quite regular -- was to jack off at the same time. And of course sometimes snuggle under the covers. I was kind of wishing-hoping that he would have one of those dreams where he would hump his brother -- but that never happened again, either.
On the morning before Christmas break, I forgot an assignment in the study. I rushed home to pick it up. I heard something moving in Blair's room -- which scared me a little, because everyone was supposed to be in class.
I silently pushed open his door, and slowly, a horrendous scene opened to me. The first thing I saw were feet and legs dangling, then I saw a contraption over Blair's bed, from which he was hanging naked, by his neck -- still twitching, his throat gurgling, with some red and green stuff running out of his mouth..
I ran immediately and stepped up on top of his bed and putting my head and shoulders under his crotch, I grabbed his legs, and I found out in a very practical way how heavy he was. He was built solid and I am sure it was only adrenaline that allowed me to do what I did. I couldn't reach anything else, so I steadied myself and got out my cell phone, pushing in 911.
I gave the dispatcher our address, and said please hurry. "I don't know how long I can hold him up. He is very heavy!"
Within minutes -- which seemed like hours -- I heard the siren and they came bursting into the room, relieving me of the weight. I collapsed on the floor and into tears, as they cut him down and administered mouth to mouth and then straight oxygen after he threw up -- into the EMT guy's mouth -- which had them both choking for a moment - and he started to breathe again.
I was told to go back to class and they would contact Blair's family and give me a report later. It was clear that me forgetting ,my assignment was the only reason that Blair was alive.
My assignment: "Suicide Watch: Signs to look for."
I expected to get an F in the assignment -- since I didn't see the suicide brewing in my own house! I didn't, but I though I should have!
At the end of the day, I came home and there were several cars parked outside the bungalow. There was a black and white police car and maybe an unmarked one as well, and a Lincoln Towncar. When I entered the bungalow, I was met be a solemn assembly of people. First were my two other roomies, both more somber than I'd ever seen them. Randy hugged me and whispered, "You saved his life, Mikey!"
Then a uniformed officer asked my name. I told them, and he said, please go into -- um -- I guess it's your study?"
I did as I was told and found Blair, red-faced and red-eyed and obviously his parents sitting side by side on the two love seats, Blair being in the one with his mother. I was politely asked by the man in the suit to sit next to Blair's dad. The man in the suit closed the door -- which made it seem very small -- with 5 grown adults in the room.
"I'm Dr. Wilcox, Mr. Headly." He said to me. "I am a police psychologist. It seems obvious that you have saved this young man's life. I want give him and his parents a moment to address you before I invite your room mates in here."
He left the room, telling us to take our time and tell him when we were ready.
Blair's mother was the first to speak. She got up and pulled me into a hug and broke down crying. She told me that she had no words enough to thank me for what I had done. I tried to shrug it off, when his father spoke.
"Blair is a large boy -- man really! He weighs 265 pounds and it is obviously 6-foot-6-inches of mostly muscle. We know that it was eleven minutes that you had to support his weight while the EMT's got there. You are NOT that big yourself. You must have loved our son -- a lot!"
"It must have been adrenaline." I said, truly humbled. "I can't even bench press that kind of weight."
It was just what anyone would do ... wasn't it? I wasn't about to tell them that I couldn't get close enough to Blair to love him that much.
"Well, anyway, you have saved our son, and as my wife said, there is no way to express how we really feel." Then he looked at Blair. "Son -- don't you have something to say to this young man?"
Blair got up shakily and walked to me and threw his arms around me and almost crushed me, as he again started to cry. He tried to say something and instead, crushed me even harder into his body. When he was finally able to talk -- thankfully before I myself passed out from his crushing hug -- he said, "I knew the moment I jumped that I'd made a huge mistake. How could you -- you - Thanks for -- for - " and he broke down again.
His mother pried him away and resumed hugging him and crying with him. When they got themselves together, Blair's dad opened the door. Dr. Wilcox brought in our room mates. They stood silently as Dr. Wilcox explained, "We have determined that Blair is cognizant of his mistake and believe that he will not repeat it. He recognized the error after it was too late -- or nearly, that is -- if it weren't for Mr. Headly - "
"Please call me Mike!"
" -- if Mike here had not found him. What we need to do now is ask all of you if you all think you can deal with him staying here.."
"Ah hardly know him, but if Randy and Mikey -- er -- Mike are okay with it, Ah am." Said Arlo.
"Mike probably knew him the most. He spent more time trying to draw him out. But Blair was closed up. Blair -- will you be willing to talk to us -- now?"
Blair could hardly talk. It was obvious he was humiliated and embarrassed. He nodded his head.
"I'm not sure that he is ready for group therapy," said Dr. Wilcox, "but maybe one-on-one would be good. I'll be transferring his case to one of the University psychologists, but I encourage you to talk to at least one of your room mates, Blair. Do you think you could do that?" Again Blair nodded. "And - who would that be?" Said Dr. Wilcox. At the pained expression from Blair, Dr. Wilcox apologized, "I'm sorry, but I need to know that you will follow through and - "
Blair pointed at me then looked back down at that floor.
"So you were indicating -- um -- Mikey, here?" Again Blair nodded. "and Mike- or Mikey?" He hesitated.
"Mikey's fine."
"So are you willing to talk to Blair when he needs to talk? I expect he should talk to you at least twice a week. I realize Christmas break starts tomorrow, but it may be important for him to even chat with you then. Where do you live, Mikey?"
"Williams -- California."
"Oof!" Said the doc. "Well, maybe you can talk by phone. When are you traveling?"
"Tomorrow morning."
"Well, would you take the assignment to talk with Blair twice a week during your break?"
"I could do that."
"Splendid! I will leave him in your and his parents care for the moment. "When are you two leaving?" he asked Randy and Arlo.
"Ah'm on a flight out this afternoon."
"I'm actually flying out with Mikey tomorrow morning. His sister and I are -- kind of seeing each other."
"Well, since Blair lives locally, maybe he can stay here tonight with the two of you and - "
"Actually, I need to go home tonight to see my family before I go to California. Are you okay to stay, Mikey?"
I sighed and then said, "Blair and I will see you home, Randy -- and then come back here."
"You are welcome to come stay with us tonight, Son." Said Blair's father. Blair shook his head violently and said, "NO! Here!"
"Oh -- alright." Said his father. "Well, then if we can have a moment alone with our son ... ?"
I followed Dr. Wilcox out and to his car. "Doc -- what do I talk to him about? Do I ask him what made him - "
"I'm not sure that would be good right off the bat. Just get to know him -- what he's like and show him what you're like -- so he will hopefully trust you. It'll be better if he volunteers the info to you."
I didn't have to wait too long. We sat and talked all evening ... about nothing. He liked football, and had been a jock in high school, but I could get much else out of him. I really didn't share everything about myself either.
That night, after I was asleep, I woke up to crying in the next room. I went to him and knelt by his bed. I touched his arm. He flinched. "Oh! You scared the fuck outa me!"
"Sorry. Are you okay?"
"WHY ARE YOU BUGGING ME?" He hollered, "GET OUT A MY ROOM! I'M NOT THAT KIND OF -- huzzz-zzzzz - " He was dreaming. I went out and knocked on his door.
"Hm! Wh-! Um -- what?"
"Are you okay?" I asked once again.
"Dude! Do you make it a habit of coming into another guys room in the middle of the night?"
Do I even answer that question?
"Well, I -- um -- I heard you -- um -- I guess you were dreaming, You were crying out."
"Crying out? Was I crying out for you?" He said accusingly.
"No -- I mean you were not crying out for -- um -- anyone -- that I could tell - "
"Them why did you come in here?"
"You were crying! Dammit, this afternoon you said you'd talk to me. I didn't think that Dr. Wilcox was talking about the weather! So of course I came when I heard you crying."
"It's happening again!"
"Again?"
"That's one reason my other room mates wanted me out. I thought I'd stopped."
"Why -- why -- were you -- um -- crying." I asked.
He flipped over to his back in one movement. "How much time do you have?" He said angrily.
"All night -- well, the rest of it anyway. I can sleep on the plane," I was instantly wishing I hadn't been so willing.
He moved over to the other side of the bed. "Come up here! It's creepy to have you kneeling on the floor by my bed." He flipped open the covers.
It was cold so I didn't hesitate to accept his invitation. I climbed in and pulled the cover over me. He crossed his arms and sighed. "Where do I start?"
He was silent for a long time. Just as I wondered if he had fallen back asleep he sighed again and said, "I used to be a bully."
He was so shy since coming to our bungalow, I couldn't believe that. "A -- bully -- huh? Who did you bully?"
"Guys that were smaller than me -- and my friend Todd. Worst of all, I bullied my own little brother. Me and Todd used to make him suck our -- you know! And worse!"
"Worse?" I said.
"You know we used him like a girl. I think he liked it -- sometimes. At least he was always rock hard when we fucked -- erm -- when we um -- did him. He was hard when he sucked us off too -- me and Todd."
"You -- friend's name was Todd?"
"He was a big goofball. An idiot, really. He was mean to my brother."
"You weren't mean?"
"I -- I -- wasn't always. We used to have lots of fun together. You know, sucking and corn holing and stuff like that. But when we caught him watching us working out one day in the basement -- he had a boner and was playing with himself while he watched us. I at first thought it was pretty funny, but Todd didn't like it and he grabbed my brother and made him suck his -- you know! He said, "You like looking at us so much, why don't you just come over here and you can find out what we taste like!"
"My brother grinned at that and did come over, and when Todd saw how quickly he got on his knees, he started to abuse my little brother. When my brother complained, Todd smacked him -- on his butt."
Then Todd said, "You got a girls butt, lemme take a look at it."
Todd made him pull his pants down and then smacked his bare butt. My brother cried out and Todd told him to shut up or he's give him more. The worst part is I just let it happen. Todd was such an idiot, and I let him abuse my little brother. That makes Me the bigger idiot!
Then when Todd wasn't there, I'd be nice to my brother. That confused him. Finally he asked, "Blair -- why? Why are you nice to me when we are alone and mean when Todd is here?"
"I told him to shut the fuck up and don't ever mention it again. Truth was I was embarrassed in front of my brother. I couldn't take that, so I started being almost as abusive as Todd was -- especially when Todd was there.
"So - then there was this kid in school. William was small -- a computer nerd. Todd and I saw him on his way home from school one day, and Todd stopped him. He acted scared, so Todd pressed his advantage (Todds even bigger than I am) and he made William suck him off. Then he made him suck me off. I didn't feel good about that, but again, like my brother, when he was doing it -- he almost seemed to like it.
"After that time we had our eye out for William. I wish I could blame Todd, but ... um ... He was good at - erm -- at what we made him do to us. No girl could do it like he could!
"Then one day we happened to meet him in a wild area close to the high school. No one was around, so we made him strip and -- and -- we were going to fuck him. But my little brother came along and distracted us, and William got away. He ran away! And we couldn't catch him. But he left his clothes behind. So he had to go home with no clothes on except his underwear.
"Then Todd caught my brother and we fucked him instead! And we made him go home in his underwear as punishment.
"Anyway, that was how we -- erm -- how I was!"
"But -- a bunch of those other guys ganged up on us and caught us and made us do for them what we had made them do! Only it was worse for us. William -- little computer-nerd William had the biggest cock I ever saw. He made me suck as much of it as I could, but then he actually fucked me with it -- ripped me wide open -- or it felt that way. But he was the last to do it. About 4 other guys had already had their way with me.
"And while William was fucking one end, his best friend made me suck him at that same time. I was belligerent up until William fucked me. That really hurt bad. But what hurt the worst was -- well two things. First, It was then it hit me: what they were doing ... I had been doing to those other guys. I was angry as fuck at them at first for ganging up on us, but then while William going deep up my fuck chute, it occurred to me: I had all this coming! It was my own fault.
And what hurt the worst was -- I found myself liking it. When he did that to me, I blew my load without even touching my peepee. Oh crap! That's what they made me call it. And -- compared to the most of those other guys -- especially William and the college dudes -- I was a peepee!"
"Wait a minute, Blair -- you liked it?"
"I never thought for a second that I'd like what they were doing to me, but -- I did! I noticed it and was hardly believing at first, but when it hit me ... When I realized that I liked it -- even the pain -- maybe especially the pain - -- I went into overload and -- I passed out.
"You passed out? Wow!"
"That scared the other guys enough that they let us go and told us never to bother anyone else again. They didn't have to tell ME that! But Rod, on the other hand was bound and determined to get even.
I just wanted to stop doing what we were doing. I thought since Rod liked the guy action so much -- they made US do each other too -- that we should maybe play around with each other. He used to be my best friend!"
"What did he say to that?"
"He called me a fag and told me never to call him or to try anything ever again. He told the football team that I came on to him! Boy, when those guys ganged up on us, I was so stupid, but I finally saw what I was doing ... to my brother ... to those others. But not Todd. He's as mean as ever. Or he was at graduation last May. It's good that he's not anywhere near those guys. He vowed to get even ... but he is now up in New England going to university. Like me, he got a football scholarship. And I bet he's found guys that he can fuck and force into sucking him there as well -- and pretending that he's mister macho! I could have told the rest of our team about him -- but by that time, I just wanted ... out!
"I don't know if my brother will ever accept my apology. I don't blame him if he doesn't. He never told Mom and Pop what I did, or what happened. He knew about our kidnapping, but he didn't participate in it. I am just so screwed up. I don't think I'll ever try to kill myself again, but -- now I don't know if I'll ever be able to have a relationship with anyone ever again. Umm - Did I ever thank you for saving my life?"
"I think -- I dunno," I said, "but anyway -- you probably just need to do everything that the school psychologist tells you. For sure tell him everything you just told me -- and don't make him drag it out of you. Can I tell you the truth?"
"What can I lose? Go ahead!"
Blair, when you were about half done telling me your story ... I hated you! I knew guys like you in my school. I almost got up and went back to my room. What you did was despicable. But then something about the way you -- um -- well -- you seem repentant -- or something. You seem changed -- already. It's too bad it took what it did to make you that way -- but you seem to be a -- a -- nice guy now. I don't know why you couldn't have a relationship now. I mean -- obviously you may want to work with the shrink for awhile -- and maybe he'll tell you NOT to get yourself into a relationship just yet. Listen to him ... or her -- whatever!"
"Thanks for listening, Mike."
"Are you -- I mean -- do you think you'll be okay now -- the rest of the night?"
"I -- um -- well -- I guess. Why?"
"I'll go back to me own room, if you want me to."
"NO!" He exclaimed. "I mean -- um -- please stay -- here. My little brother used to come in and sleep with me -- back when he trusted me. SHIT! I was such a weakling! Todd was just stupid! But I let myself be led around because of his macho-ness. He was stupid, but there was something about him that I let him dominate me. And now I've lost Marshall! Man that's fucked!"
"Marshall -- is your brother?" I said evenly, even though I wished he would tone down his language. We'll discuss that later.
"Yeah. Please stay here, and -- and maybe I can close my eyes and maybe pretend that I am holding Marshall. Oh never mind -- that's just too fucked! Weird!"
"Um -- can I ask you -- um -- would you pleas not use that word so much? Huh?" I said. "You want to -- um -- hold me?"
"No -- um -- never mind. That's too - Oh -- um -- that's right -- um -- you're gay -- aren't you? I mean ARE you? I mean -- oh fuck! I'm doing it again! Assuming just because you're not loud and vulgar that you're gay. Sorry. You can go to your room if you -- if -- I mean -- if it bothers you to stay -- for any reason."
"Blair -- I AM gay."
"I wondered. I thought I heard some things going on in your room with the blind guy."
"That's Randy." I said.
"Oh -- yeah. I was in my own world of -- of -- self pity. I couldn't have remembered your name before this morning. Now I'll never forget it! I guess I'll see you in the morning - - Mike."
"Um -- you can call me Mikey." I said and chuckled. "Hell, even your dad calls me Mikey -- and if it's okay -- now that you know I'm gay -- I'll stay." I said, and I backed into him. He pulled me in as if I WAS his little brother ... or ... something ... I wasn't at all worried about MY reaction -- and I knew there would be one -- I was committed to waiting for Jay -- for as long as it took.
Blair was asleep in minutes. It took me a bit longer. Just as I started to nod off, he started to wood up, and then I had to get used to that. I was glad he wasn't awake, so one more thing could embarrass or humiliate him.
I was awake by 6:30. Our plane was to depart O'Hare at 9:00 AM. I tried to extricate myself from Blair without waking him, but that didn't work out. He pulled me in closer and moaned, thrusting his boner into my crack. "Don't go yet, Marshall!"
Then he woke up.
"Oh! Shit! I'm sorry dude! I didn't mean -- I mean I thought - "
"I know what you thought, Blair. It's okay. You wouldn't be the first guy to think I was his brother! Randy's parents will be here to pick me up in 30 minutes. I gotta go."
"Yeah -- okay. Thanks for -- um -- last night -- okay? Um -- just how are you related to -- um -- Randy -- anyway?"
"He wants to marry my sister. And his brother -- is my -- twin."
"His -- what? How can that - "
"Jay and I were separated at birth. We found each other just by chance at Halloween. Now really I need to go get ready."
"Yeah -- okay, um -- geez, now that you got me to open up to you -- FUCK! I'm gonna miss you -- but oh - sorry! That's right, we're gonna talk on the phone twice a week right?" Gimme your number. No, never mind just get ready -- I'll follow you."
And he did. He followed me to the bathroom -- waiting outside the door unto he heard me flush, then he came in just as I was stepping in the shower. I gave him my phone number, which he put in his cell phone. He sat on the toilet -- yes to take a crap -- while I was in the shower, and talked the whole time. When I got out, he looked me up and down. "You're a good looking dude!" He said. "Sorry -- I didn't really notice before."
"Thanks! I think I already told you that I think you are too." I said. I shaved and spiked my hair, then he followed me to my room.
It was 7:00 sharp when the front door opened. Randy, Jay and their dad walked in. They helped me with my suitcase as Blair's eyes almost popped out when he saw Jay. "Holy Fuck!" Said Blair.
"Hey now!" Said Randy. "Have a little respect -- this is my dad!"
"Sorry -- I -- was just so -- blown away! I'm sorry Mr. -- um - "
"Samson. Apology accepted. And you must be Blair!" said Jays and Randy's dad.
"Hello." Said a very cowed Blair -- probably assuming that Randy had told his dad about what happened.
"Well, is that everything then? We better get going. You know how busy O'Hare gets this time of year."
We stepped outside and it had snowed -- apparently all night! It looked like a winter wonderland. I turned and hesitantly offered my hand to Blair. He shyly took it and seemed to be begging for more -- so I hugged him quickly and went to the car.
Randy and their dad sat in the front seat, and Jay and I in the back. After we got started, Jay quietly said, "Um -- I turned in my mission papers yesterday."
"What does that mean?" I asked. "Is that your first step to quitting your church?"
"No. It means I have decided to serve a mission -- a two year mission -- somewhere."
"Wha -- at? I don't understand." I said.
"Mikey -- I love you so much! But I have to do this."
"Are you trying to prove something to yourself?" I asked.
"Mikey -- what I'm trying to tell you is -- I am going away for two years. Don't wait for me. I want to -- I mean -- I have to -- that is -- I have to stay in the church. I just can't -- stop -- being a Mormon. It's who and what I am. Maybe I'll learn something on my mission."
I was stunned. I had told him I'd wait. I was so sure that he would -- would -- but -- no! He can't be serious! But he IS serious -- more serious that I wanted to believe. "Where -- where -- where will you go?" I stammered, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears. I could see that he was crying too.
"I -- don't know until I get the call. It sometimes takes several weeks to find out. They might send me to Spain -- or Hong Kong -- or California! No one knows! And then I probably won't be going until the spring or maybe even summer."
"Someone knows!" I said.
I don't think he meant to hurt me -- like he did. I'm not sure he knew -- at the time. I was numb! At the airport we hugged long and close. Well, he had several more months -- to change his mind. I would see him lots before he left. But -- was it fair for me to try to dissuade him from serving his church? I had a Christmas gift in my pocket to give him. I found a gold plated bracelet and had it inscribed, "Forever Love" inside. It didn't seem right now -- to give it to him. He gave me an envelope. It was a funny Christmas card, but the pendant he gave me was not so funny. It was one of those half broken hearts. He surreptitiously pulled out an identical one he was wearing when I opened it. "I'll never NOT love you, Mikey."
I took out my gift to him at the last minute and almost had to throw it at him as we checked in and they could not follow us any further. As we worked our way through the long line at security, I watched him open it. Then he looked up with tears running down, and turned away. His father followed him toward the door. He turned once more just before going out the door. It was impossible at that distance to see details -- even expression -- but he stood there transfixed for several seconds and than ran out the door -- out of sight -- to catch up with his dad.
On the plane, Randy pulled me close to him. "I knew you'd take it hard, Mikey. Believe me, So did Jay! Even I am kind of disappointed. I love seeing you two together. I know I can't actually see you, but just knowing that you might have been together and what you might have been doing -- kind of -- maybe in a perverse way -- helped me deal with my own -- um -- my own -- homoerotic feelings. I closed my eyes -- to shut out the curious and cruel eyes, and just lay down on his chest. I thought about how being blind sometimes might be a blessing.
Notes. Okay, I didn't see that coming either ... before yesterday! I was about to end the story, believe it or not, after that last chapter, when the twins could easily have been ... "happily ever after!" But ... that'd be too easy -- right? Thanks to my beloved Keith ("Coach's Office") for letting me steal parts of his story characters for the Blair ... in case some of that seemed familiar. (Names changed to protect my own less than innocent ass! LOL) Comments as usual are welcome, to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and ... love, Steve