Shape of My Heart

By MJ

Published on Dec 14, 2000

Gay

"Wow! I get to do this again?" - Kevin Richardson.

Disclaimer: Do I have to do this? Alright, this story is purely fiction. I do not know (personally) the Backstreet Boys, nor own them nor anything like that. However, if you do, please email me and I will try to suck up to you so that I can get to know them (personally). If you are breaking a law by being here, get out. If you are offended by homosexual themes, get out. There.

Hey, hey, hey! MJ in the house! Woo-hoo! I'm Back! Hi, how's everyone? Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who emailed me! I love feedback! (especially when I've got writer's block) Keep them coming! (no pun intended) :) Secondly, well, there is no secondly. :) Now, on wiv the show!


"Ring!!! Ring!!!" AJ woke up, fuzzily searching for the phone, but the answering machine beat him to it.

"Yo, this is AJ! I am no longer reachable at this number. If you would like to reach me, my new number is, well, I ain't tellin' ya. If you can't reach me by any other way, aw, that's gonna suck. See ya. Bye. BEEP!"

"AJ! Get your ass over here! Something's wrong with Brian. We're having a meeting now, while he's out. Howie's on his way over, and so is Nick." It was Kevin, as usual. Just barely one week after the start of their break, and he was bossing around already. But, considering all things, Kevin was a little more considerate this time. Afterall, AJ knew how panicked Kevin could get when his cousin had a problem, espcailly after his surgery.

"Yo man! It's only like ten in the morning! You could have called at a later time, right?"

"No! You're gonna be late if I didn't call you now, so get your ass here before I send someone down. And I promise you won't like it if I have to send someone down."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Juz let me shower first, will ya?"

AJ put down the phone and strechted. He wondered what the problem could be. Hopefully it wasn't a health-related problem. They'd had enough of such problems on Brian's side already. But if it wasn't, it had to be serious, coz Brian was usually the steadiest of the group. Oh, well, he'd find out as soon as he got there. He showered and dressed, then the phone rang again. The answering machine got it first again. It was his mum. "AJ, I want you to pick up your cousin, who's coming on the four o'clokc flight. Remember, or else." He could almost hear the evil grin she had on her face. He chuckled. "Ha.. unlucky soul.. coming here at this time.. better leave a note for Max then.. don't wanna get chopped up again." AJ muttered to himself. He scribbled on a piece of paper and stuck it on the fridge, telling his mom and his cousin where he went, just in case the meeting dragged on too long. Then, jumping into his car, he drove off.

A moment later, a taxi drove into his driveway, and a lady stepped out.


Brian wandered down the streets, watching aimlessly as the cars sped by him. He had watched all the movies there were, and now it was five in the evening already. He turned into another club and sat himself down on the counter. "One bourbon please." The bartender put it down in front of him curiously, but Brian pulled down his cap and the bartender shrugged. He hunched over his drink, nursing it, wathcin the crowd at the dance floor. He knew that Kevin had most probably called the rest of the Boys for a meeting about his 'problem'. He wasn't all that stupid. But he didn't really have a problem, did he? He'd just consumed a few drinks, not that many. "No, you just drank three whole bottles of gin between yesterday and today." A small voice in the back of his head tole him. He ignored it and finshed his drink, ordering another one.


Kevin turned to the rest of the Boys, sighed, and said, "Look, it's really serious okay? I've counted. He drank somehting like 12 to 13 bottles of alcohol just through this week. I think there's something really heavy bothering him. Any of you know what it is?"

Howie shrugged. Nick didn't respond. AJ looked at Nick, and shrugged too.

"Oh come on, I'm sure one of you knows? Howie? AJ? Nick?" Kevin became more and mroe agitated, and almost came close to blowing his top. Howie noticed it and moved quickly to calm him down. After a while, Kevin said heavily, "Nick, you're his best friend, you should know. Nick?"

AJ nudged Nick, and he came out of his reverie.

"Huh?"

Kevin sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere. AJ and Howie were genuinely concerned, but Nick, well, he just wasn't there. And Nick had been his most important link to Brian. But that had been before Nick had started seeing his girl, Mandy. Now Nick seemed to have lost touch with Brian, as Brian shut himself off, 'to make space for Mandy' as he put it. But it was obvious that no one except Nick bought that crap. And Nick wasn't helping either, by shutting himself off to everyone, but Brian especially and just letting their friendship wilt like that. Sometimes, though, he'd catch them looking at each other when they thought no on was watching, especially the other party.

They had argued through most of the afternoon and now it was approaching evening. They all decided to wait for Brian to return home after ther meeting ended unsuccessfully, with a very mad Kevin shouting at them, and Howie trying to calm him down. It had been ages since the last time Kevin had lost his temper like that. AJ looked very troubled, but when Howie asked him about it, he shrugged it off. Nick was lost in another reverie, and Howie had to carry on being Howie.


Meanwhile, at AJ's house, the lady finally marched into the house, after she had been forced to call a locksmith to unlock the door. She was greeted by three dogs who bounded up enthusiastically to her. She fondled their ears happily, then walked into the kitchen in search of some food, turning on the lights as it was already dark. "That dratted ALexander. Where is he? I've given him the benefit of the doubt that he'd be out till five, but he should be home by now!" Looking at the note on the fridge, she muttered to herself, "Ooookay.. as usual, he's too busy for poor ole me. Oh well, I'll just have to move my stuff up myself then."

After she did that, she wandered around the house, finally ending up in the den, watching television, after she had cleared up the disgusting 'bachelor's mess' there.


She woke up to the sound of the door unlocking. "Finally he has decided to come home!" she thought. Looking at the clock, she realised that it was one in the morning and she came out of the den, readt to give AJ a scolding. She was surprised to see a strange man on the doorstep of her cousin's house, staggering in. She hid in the den, watching him come in and fumble about for the switch. When he hit it, the light flooed the hadd, and she saw a pair of bleary blue eyes, a crown of dirty blonde hair, and a whiskey bottle. Something clicked into place. He was the one of her cousin's boyband members, wasn't he? The shortie? What was he doing here? Just then, the man crashed into the kitchen and she came out of the den. Crash! Tinkle, tinkle. What was that sound? She rushed in and found the man on the floor with broken glass pieces around him. There was blood too, in his palm, but thankfully no sign of any glass in it. He seemed too much in a daze to know what he was doing. She immediately cleaned up the broken glass pieces, and wiped up the area to pick up any minuscle pieces of glass left over. Then she got out the first aid kit and proceeded to treat his hand, finally wrapping it up. Meanwhile, he had gone to sleep. After she ahd put away the first aid kit, she surveyed him, and, quietly chuckling to herself, half-carried, half-dragged him into the denwhere at least the floor was carpeted, gave him a pillow and a blanket, then went up to the guest room herself.


The next morning, Brian woke up to a familiar cottony feeling in his mouth and a tremedous hangover. He looked at his watch. 12 o'clock! The guys must be worried like hell! He sat up immediately and his headache got worse. Just then, he spotted an asprin bottle on the table, lunged for it, and popping the top off, took three. As he waited for them to take effect, he tried to make sense of where he was. Okay, he was at AJ's house, that much he remembered. But wait a minute, AJ was never tidy! Then, he caught sight of the note on the table, which had been under the asprin bottle.

"Hi! What's your name? I'm Maxine and I'm Alex's cousin. You came in last night and made a mess. The edvidence is in your hand."

Brian then noticed the bandage around his hand. He read on.

"You sure are heavy, so I couldn't carry you up the stairs. Hope the asprin workes. There's breakfast in the kitchen. Come in when you're properly awake. If I'm not there, then you'll have to get something for yourself. Love, Maxine."

Brian walked stiffly to the kitchen and saw a woman. "Hi?" he managed to say.

Maxine started, then smiled as she saw Brian. She picked up the papers she had spread over the countertop to make space for Brian. "Oh, hi. I didn't notice you come in. So I guess you saw the note and decided to eat something. Here, have some bread first. Would you like eggs and bacon, or some ham or something?" Brian shook his head. "Oh. Alright then. And I still don't know your name yet."

"Brian. Nice to meet you." he said as he munched on the bread.

She smiled and sat down, looking through some papers.

They sat in comfortable silence until Brian finished his bread. "So, erm, Maxine, what brings you here?"

"Oh, I'm supposed to attend a scientist's conference here, and so Aunt Denise invited me to stay here instead of in a hotel..." she rambled on, while Brian relaxed under the influence of her soothing voice. "What about you?" He started.

"Oh, eh, I was just out, drinking, then I decided to crash with AJ, since he's house was the nearest, plus I still have his keys with me."

"Okay." she returned to her work.

"Look, you said you're scientist right? How much alcohol is too much? Is 15 bottles too many for a week?"

"You mean you've been drinking that many? Are you mad or something?"

No, just troubled about my sexuality said a tiny voice in Brian's mind. "Not really, just asking."

"Well, Brian, honestly, yes, you're liable to get liver damage from drinking that much liquor. In facr, almost anybody could tell you that." She said absently as she shuffled, throught some papers. Then she looked up. "Wait a minute... did I just hear you say that you drank 15 bottles of alcohol in a week?"

"Er, yeah you did."

"And, so, accordinly, you have a reason?"

"I have a... erm... problem."

"Oh. Well. Drinking's not going to solve it, you know."

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to call Alex and tell him you're here?"

"Who?"

"Alex? You know, one of your band members?"

"Oh, AJ. Just wasn't used to people calling him that." Brian grinned sheepishly. "Erm, thanks, but no thanks. I think I'll just rest here a while before going back. Oh, after I'm gone, you could call them to say I'm okay, and that I've been here." Like that'll stop them from worrying, he thought. Kevin would probably be mad and worried, pacing up and down. AJ would be trying not to show any signs of worry, but not succeeding anyway. Howie would just look out the window, looking for any signs of him. Nick? He didn't know. Usually the one they were worried about would be Nickers. He put his head down on the counter, watching Maxine do her work, gradually falling asleep again.

When Brian woke up, his hangover and Maxine were gone, and in her place was another note. It seemed to Brian that Maxine was always leaving notes, at least to him, and he laughed slightly at that.

"Had to but some groceries. Don't know what ALex survives on. Called already but said you'd left. Lock the door after you're gone. Love, Maxine."

Brian picked up the note, crumpled it, and went out the door, carefully locking it after him. He hailed a cab, pulling his cap over his eyes which were ringed with dark eye rings. He'd have to thank Maxine for looking after him, especially since she didn't know him except as one of AJ's band members. But that would have to wait for later.

"Where to, mister?"

"Just drive. I'll pay. I don't wanna talk."

"Whatever you say, mister."


Alright! I've finished for today! Just where is Brian going? Honestly, I don't know. :) But I hope that this has been satisfactory!

Sorry, all Kevin and Nick fans! More on them the next installment! BTW, the answering machine message on AJ's phone is mostly for real.. I just modified it a little! :) It's called writer's licence (or something...)

Any comments, suggestions, food, parcels, cash, cheque or money orders are to be sent to evilthoughts@dangerous-minds.com. Peace out!~ MJ

Next: Chapter 3


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