Shape of My Heart

By MJ

Published on Aug 9, 2001

Gay

Oh, man. I feel so guilty. I know it's been months, and all I've got is this little bit. Sorry. Well, I hope it sort of satisfies your hunger. I know it doesn't, but what's a body gonna do if a body don't have no inspiration? And no time?

Ok, I'll cut the crap.

Disclaimer : Go look at the earlier chapters.

Now shoo, and don't bother me.

Short note: Sigh I never really expected that one of the Backstreet Boys would really end up in treatment for alcohol problems, but 'it would have been AJ anyway', as my friend so tactlessly pointed out. I just wanna wish AJ all the best. Kiwi is collecting get well signatures for AJ and when it reaches 1 million, they will send it to him.)


Brian spent the day listlessly, after he had reached home, trying to think of ways to explain to Nick as to why he had kissed him. Kevin called, all happy, saying that he would be back in Florida that night. What was more, he asked Brian to help him tell Nick. Well, Brian thought, at least one of us is happy. Still hung over, he decided to sleep, and accordingly, flung himself on his bed. But no matter how hard he tried to sleep, the feel of Nick's lips always came back to his mind. Tossing and turning, he finally decided that it was futile, that his headache had almost gone away anyway, and that it was time for some breakfast. Or rather, lunch.


At AJ's house, where Howie had crashed the night, AJ decided that he would check on Brian and Nick, just to make sure. "After all, it wasn't a totally fool-proof plan. And if I think I know Nick as well as I do, he won't be the kind to take advantage of the situation. He's, well, still kinda wet behind the ears, if ya get my drift."

"Yeah, okay, so it wasn't the best plan in the world. But it gave them time together anyway. And I thought we agreed that's what they needed most, so that they could realise that the other was in love with them too."

"All the same... Where d'ya think they've gone?"

"I dunno. I guess we'll check both houses. I'll go to Rok's and you'll go to Kaos'."

"Fine with me."


Howie rang the bell to Brian's house and it sounded in the seemingly empty house. After waiting for about five minutes, and ringing about a couple dozen times, Howie turned to leave. Just then, the door opened just a crack, then the crack widened as the eye in the crack saw that the person standing outside wasn't Nick.

"Hey D." said Brian dejectedly.

"Hey Rok, how's you and Nick? Where's Nick?"

Silence greeted him. Then, tears fell down Brian's face.

Oh shit, Howie thought. All is not well. We are so screwed.

Finally, when Brian stopped sobbing, he managed to choke out, "I kissed him, D, I kissed him!"

"Erm, so?"

"He's my goddamn straight best friend, and I kissed him! It's all over now!" replied Brian, placing particular emphasis on the word straight.

We are definitely screwed.


Nick was on a roller coaster ride of sorts. First, he'd be happy, because he'd kissed Brian. Then he thought about Brian renouncing him as something 'evil', and down he went into the doldrums. There was even once when he thought about suicide, but dismissed it on the grounds that it would hurt Brian's career, and the others' too.

"Knock, knock." The sound sounded hollowly in the house, but AJ knew that Nick was in, judging by the lone pair of shoes outside, but he didn't think much of it, figuring that Nick had had to drag Brian in with his shoes on, and didn't bother placing the shoes outside after they did whatever they were doing, smiling at the thought.

"Hey Bone." said Nick as he opened the door to let AJ in, half-relieved, half-disappointed.

"Where's Rok?"

"Oh, erm, he left." answered Nick, smiling sadly, touching his lips.

"Ah."

AJ's phone sounded. Loudly.

"Hello?"

"Get out of there!" Howie's voice was unmistakeable, accompanied by the background noise of car horns. "Meet at the usual place in ten. See ya!"

Nick looked curiously at AJ, who nervously said goodbye and left. Nick looked after him, then turned and sat numbly in the corner. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me, he thought. Hey, that'd make a good line for a song. Ha Ha. Looking around the house, he fell into despair again. Until something caught his eye. The Nintendo set. Bingo.

He lifted up the phone eagerly and, looking through his address book, dialled.


Phones rang throughout the country. But now let us focus on five, no, six phones. Those of the Backstreet Boys, and one more. Nick was talking animatedly on the phone, with someone. AJ and Howie had switched off their cellphones after they met, and since they weren't home, they didn't hear the phones in their houses ringing. Brian looked dejectedly at the phone, willing AJ and/or Howie to pick up. Kevin's phone was occupied by management. Unfortunately. Or fortunately. It all depends on how you look at it, of course.


"So, I, erm, or rather, he kissed me."

"That's great, Carter!"

"Huh? How can that be great? I mean, he's straight, for goodness sake!"

"Do you really know if he's straight?"

"Whaddya mean? Of course he's straight! I mean, with Leighanne and all, how can he not be straight?"

Maxine sighed. "Alright. Put down the phone so I can call Alex. I want to get this thing sorted out once and for all."

Nick said, "Well, you gotta call me back. There's some things I want to ask you."

"Will do. Now put the phone down."

"Click."

"That's not the phone, Carter. I recognize the sound of the number 9 key being pressed."

"Alright, alright." Click

"Now." said Maxine to herself, as her fingers dialled a familiar number.

About twenty minutes later, she said, "Dammit!" and sighed. Picking up the phone in one hand, she dialled.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Nick, this is Max."

"Oh, hi. Erm, look, I'm like, playing Final Fantasy right now, so could you call back later?"

"Alright. Bye."

"Sorry. Bye."


"Well, what do we do now?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"Well, you said 'Get them together and all will work out,' didn't you?"

"Alright, so I was wrong. But that doesn't mean that you have to give me the evil eye, right?"

"Nuh-uh. You got us into this mess, you'd better get us out, or we're gonna go. No more Backstreet."

"Yeah, right."

"Right. Come on man, you know that Nick and Brian are central to Backstreet. They're like, the main singers, man! I know that we say that we are five solo singers, but face it. They sing most of our songs and we only come in on the chorus, or do backing for them!"

"Don't BS me, Howie. I know that we have to get rid of the tension between them, but have you noticed Kevin?"

"What about him?"

"Never mind." AJ blushed slightly.

Howie put his head in his hands and shook his head. For some unaccountable reason he thought of Cinderella. "What we need right now is a fairy godmother."


"Alright, yes, I want the next available flight to Florida."

*********************************************************************** (I originally intended to end here, but due to the sudden influx of inspiration, have decided to continue. So everybody give three cheers for my inspiration! Hip! Hip! Hurray! Okay, so that was totally uncalled for.) ***********************************************************************

The blonde put down his game controller and stretched. Looking out the window, he saw that it was dark. Already? echoed in his mind. He suddenly remembered that Max had called him about something. But try as he might, he couldn't remember what. Oh well, he thought, no use worrying about it. I'll just have to leave my cell on. He turned off the lights and went outside. Time for some food. And some party. Or maybe I'll just take the food, as he tested himself gingerly, and decided that he wasn't up for some party. And besides, that way, he'd not run the risk of meeting Brian, who was probably by now in some sort of drunken stupor. Wait a minute, did he just think of his best and soon to be former best friend in a despising kind of tone? This, he thought to himself, is what you get for thinking too much. He got into his Durango and drove to the mall.


An emerald-eyed brunette made his decision. He would test himself. Tonight. As he made his way to the diner, he reflected on what he would look for. A nice body. Nice eyes. A woman.


Another blonde raided his fridge and finally came to the conclusion that there was nothing fit to eat in his house. "Oh well, it was about time that I got some supplies anyway." He made a list of food, then realised that most of the food on the list was what Nick loved. "Shit." as his heart got caught in his throat. Taking a marker, he crossed them out. From now on, he would have to get used to the fact that Nick wasn't going to be his best friend again. He got into his car and drove off to the mall.


The redhead (who, I might add, is actually a natural brunette) alighted and wasn't surprised that no one had come to pick her up. First she took a cab to AJ's house, and determined that he wasn't there. Then, making a list of likely places, she got the cabby to take her, one by one, to the different clubs and bars in the area. Since it was Ladies' Night for most of the clubs, she had no difficulty getting in. It was the looking for that was the problem.


Two brunettes sat in a corner in a diner, when to their surprise and dismay, a third brunette walked in. Thankfully, he didn't seem to have noticed them. Whispering, they wondered what was he doing here, and decided to quietly leave before he saw them.


The third brunette slunk in the corner, watching the sudden rain pelt the window. He was glad for the obstruction from the outside world, if only for a moment.

"Sir?" repeated the waitress firmly. He started, then she started as she realised who he was. He put a finger to his lips, and she stifled a scream. He realised that this wasn't the best plan, but then he surveyed the waitress. Nice boobs. Check. Nice eyes. Check. Nice body. Check. Wait a minute. Why was he making a checklist? If he was straight, or at least bi, he would immediately know if she was 'the one' for the night. Well, at least that's done. He smiled sarcastically at himself. I'm gay.

"I'll have a tuna sandwich and an ice lemon tea please."


Finally, she gave up. It had been two long hours, and she decided to head to the mall and check out the boutiques before they closed. After all, she had rushed here, dropping everything, without even packing any clothes, and she was determined to get someone to pay for that.

Sifting through a clothes rack, she saw, out of the corner of her eye, a familiar sight. Turning, she was sure. It was AJ. She bolted out of the store, leaving a happy salesgirl to close shop.

She caught up with them in an instant, then spent the next few seconds staring balefully at her cousin.

"What?" asked AJ defensively. If looks could kill, he thought.

"I want to know what's up with Brian and Nick."

"Shit." muttered Howie.

"And that's where you'll find yourselves in if you don't set this right."

"Alright, alright." said AJ. And he explained the problem to her. But he was totally unprepared for her reaction.

"Oh my gawd!" she said, laughing. "Oh. My. Gawd." as she doubled up in laughter.

You wouldn't have been more surprised than the two men if you had suddenly been cut down by a Mack truck.

"Oh man, that is so totally corny!" she cried out when she managed to get her breath back. But her cousin's expression quickly brought her back to the ground. "Alright, alright. But don't look at me like that. What, are you expecting me to play Cupid or fairy godmother or something?"

"Well," began Howie hesitantly, then his mind went What the hell?. He quickly pushed that thought away before continuing. "Well, we thought that maybe we'd sit them both down in one room, then threaten to tell all if they don't make up. Or something like that."

"Using force, eh?" Maxine considered for a moment. "Nah. Not good. I think we'd better go somewhere else before they close up and leave us here."

"Oh yeah. Hm. Well, come on then."

Moments later.

"And where are we going, Alex?" asked Maxine, as they stopped at a red light.

"Well, considering the fact that Howie's driving, we'll be going to Howie's house, of course."

"Oh. Okay." Maxine fell back into her reverie.


Brian blinked, and looked hard. He thought he saw Nick at the other counter way across the supermarket, but he was gone before he could make sure. Get him out of your mind, Littrell! He won't even be your friend anymore!

Nick was sure he saw Brian, but decided that he must be hallucinating. He made his way to Macs and picked up a burger and some fries, glad that the person serving him didn't seem to recognise him. He sat down to eat.

Brian looked up to see a half-familiar face half-covered by a burger. The face finished its business and stood up to throw away the rubbish. It was Nick! He shrank away, before he noticed that Nick had noticed him too, and was actually avoiding him like the plague.


Kevin arrived home, and dumping the keys on the table, went up to sleep. It had been a tiring day. Falling fast asleep, his dreams were constantly haunted by Brian. With Nick.


Oh wow. Cliffhanger! Well, sorta. Sorry, I was, and still am, very busy with my work... I have like, totally major exams in 2 months, and I haven't started studying yet, so work on SOMH and LC will stop (at least on my side) until December.

Please note, suggestions will be much appreciated. My brain has been dead for the past month, and will need a holiday to revitalise it. So I would be very happy if any of you could take over the function of my brain for the moment.

Any comments, suggestions, food, parcels, cash, cheque or money orders or even the Backstreet Boys are to be sent to de_vil@2die.com. Peace out!~ MJ

Next: Chapter 9


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