Shape of My Heart

By MJ

Published on Dec 25, 2000

Gay

"Wow! I get to do this again?" - Kevin Richardson.

Disclaimer: Do I have to do this? Alright, this story is purely fiction. I do not know (personally) the Backstreet Boys, nor own them nor anything like that. However, if you do, please email me and I will try to suck up to you so that I can get to know them (personally). If you are breaking a law by being here, get out. If you are offended by homosexual themes, get out. There.

Hey pple! Y no feedback (exept from colleen)? yeah, you should know by now that I really love feedback! okay, what crap am I writing? I honestly don't know.. :) Oh yeah, I've noticed that pple put their fav stories here, so I'm gonna do the same.. I love:

Affirmation, Brian and Me, Search and Rescue, Open your Eyes, Dirty Mind Games, Little White Lies, Love you Hate you Get lost.. and many others that are too numerous to mention! I'd like to thank all these authors for inspiration! :)

Now onwards!


Kevin woke up first. He would always be the one who woke up first. Stretching, he dressed and went to make breakfast. Then he peeked into Brian's bedroom. No one. And the sheets were not messed up either. Brian had not slept in his bed. He rushed downstairs to check if Brian was on the couch. Nope.

"Howie, wake up! Brian didn't come home last night!"

"Wha?" mumbled Howie as he struggled to wake up. Then it hit him. "Oh man. Let's go wake up the others!"

Soon, they were all in the kitchen. Kevin was glad when he saw the bery worried look on Nick's face. At least now he cares, he thought. Taking charge, Kevin said, "I've already called him, but he left his pager and cell at home. AFter breakfast, we're gonna search for him. AJ, you and Howie take downtown. Nick and I, we'll search around. I've got all calls to the house wired to my cell. Call me when you find him." I hope he didn't get mugged or anything, flashed into his mind, and the worry was reflected by the three faces in front of him.

They ate breakfast in hurried silence. Brian never did a bunk before. Usually it was Nick or AJ who accidentally had too much and forgot where to go.

AJ and Howie jumped into AJ's car and they cruised along the streets. AJ went into all the clubs he could think of, while Howie stayed outside and tried to spot Brian.

Finally, they decided to stop for lunch. After a hurried lunch, where the waitress nearly recognized them, they continued searching.

Then AJ's cell rang. "Wassup, AJ here."

"Hello, Alexander James McLean. Mzx here. You were supposed to pick me up, but I'll let that go for now. Brian, your friend, dropped by. He was kinda drunk, so I let him sleep in the den. He just left."

"Any idea where he went?" AJ but Maxine off. "And why didn't you call us sooner?"

"He didn't want me to. And, no, I have no idea where he went."

"'Kay, bye."

"Drive safely, Alexander. Bye." AJ hung up the phone and concentrated on swerving through traffic to his house.

"Who was that?" Howie asked.

"My cousin. I was supposed to pick her up last afternoon, but it kinda slipped my mind. She said that Bri spent the night at my house. Could you call Kev? I think that she isn't exactly telling the truth."

"What?"

"I mean to say, Brian hasn't left my house."

"Okay."


Kevin's call rang. "Hello. Howie? Really? Okay, we'll be right over."

"What?" said Nick.

"They think they've found Brian. Come on, let's go. Do you know the way from here to AJ's house?"

"Sorta. I'll try."


"Damn this jam!"

"You could call your house and check if Brian's there... there may be a chance the he will pick up.

"Nah, he'll bolt, if he doesn't want to see us."

"Oh. Yah."

"Sometimes, I really wonder which one of us is older, Howie."

"Yeah, right, AJ. Just drive."


"Wait a minute. Could you stop here? Thanks. Keep the change."

"Thanks, mister." And the cabbie drove off.

Brian walked to the basketball court, reminiscing about the times when they were younger, and he and Nick had played basketball together, especially here. Especially after night fell, and they would just lay down on the field adjoining the basketball court, watching the stars come out. He remebered something Nick had once said.

"See those stars? And see the darkness that surrounds them? Well, only if the darkness surrounds those stars, do they seem to shine. Same as for us. The people around us, who helped us, and loved us enough to be our darkness, is why we shine."

At that time, he thought about how, suddenly, the boy had become a man. He also thought that was when he fell in love with Nick.

Brian stood on the grass. Evening was approaching, and he could see the planet Venus on the horizon. Something was missing. Nick. Brian couldn't help it. He cried.


"Okay, we're close now. I recognise this place. This is where Brian and I played basketball after he moved to AJ's house." Nick thought back to the innocent times they had together on this basketball court. And where I fell in love with him.

"Okay, so it's a left turn here, then? Nick?"

"Huh? Oh, yah, I think so."

They didn't notice the lonely figure walking on the basketball court.


"Maxine! Where's Brian?"

"I told you, he's left! If you don't believe me, search for yourself!"

AJ stormed up the stairs and searched everywhere. "He's not here!"

Maxine put on a told-you-so face. Then she noticed Howie. "Hi, I don't believe we've been introduced?"

"He'd Howie. Howie, meet my most annoying cousin, Maxine. Maxine, Howie, my bandmate." said AJ, leaning over the banister.

"Hi." smiled Howie worriedly.

"Well, we came here as soon as we could. You said Brian was here. So where's he?" asked Kevin as he entered through the open door without knocking.

"Well, he was here..." answered AJ. He paused.

"So where is he now?"

"He doesn't really know." Maxine answered for AJ. Kevin rolled his eyes.

"I think I know, " put in Nick. "Let's go." They all jumped into Kevin's car. "Remember that basketball court I told you about?" Kevin immediately took a right. "He should be up there." They approached the field, darkness surrounding them. Nick headed for his and Brian's favorite spot where they usually sat after basketball. The rest followed him. When they got there, they saw him hanging back, watching Brian. They stood behind him, watching silently. Then Kevin broke the silence and moved forward. "Cuz, are you okay?"

Brian turned slowly to face them when he heard Kevin's voice. AJ and Howie moved forward too. Only Nick hung back. They all saw the tear stains on Brian's face. Then he started sobbing again, hurt that Nick seemed to be avoiding him, but at the same time felt a sort of relief too, that Nick was avoiding him. Nick noticed the relief, and felt hurt, but he thought, who was he to feel hurt? After a while, Brian said, "I'm so sorry. I made you all worry."

Kevin ran forward, and took Brian in his arms. "Don't cry. Whatever problem you have, I'm sure we can solve it."

"I'm not so sure about that." Brian said under his breath.

Back in the car, AJ grumbled good-naturedly. "I don't see why Brian doesn't get a scolding when he runs off like that. I always do."

"Perhaps it's because you always run off. This is the first time Brian's done it." answered Howie across a sleeping Brian, who he was holding.

"Yeah, whatever."

There was silence from the front of the car. Kevin was wrestling with his thoughts, how it felt so good to hold Brian in his arms, while Nick was looking out through the window, willing the tears not to spill.

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" AJ broke into Kevin's thoughts.

"Hmmm? Oh, actually, nothing. It's still our break, but it won't be our break after tomorrow. Day after, we have to meet in the studio. They want us to go over some songs."

"Oh, yeah. Drat." They drove the rest of the way in silence.

Upon reaching Brian's beachhouse, Kevin carried Brian up to his bedroom, and tucked him in. Nick wanted to follow him, but forced himself to stay downstairs. Coming down, Nick said to Kevin, "So I guess I was right in giving you super human strength for powers, huh?" But there was a little strain in his voice that shouln't be there. Nevertheless, Kevin laughed a little. Then he hugged Nick and went with him to the living room, where Howie and AJ were. "What do you guys wanna do now?" Kevin said as he entered.

"AJ and me think we'll sleep here again and maybe when Brian wakes up, we can discuss whatever's bothering him." answered Howie. AJ was on the phone, tellin Maxine that he wouln't be home for another night and to tell his mother too. He nodded when Howie answered Kevin.

"That's fine by me. I'm staying too. How about you, Nick?"

"What can I say? I'll be staying too."

"Okay, good night everybody." said Kevin as he went up the stairs. Nick went into the kitchen to fix himself a snack, while Howie took the downstairs bedroom. AJ finished calling Maxine, cast a worried look in the direction of the kitchen, sighed and headed upstairs as well.


Okay, TAFN... what do you want to see? Tell me and maybe I can incoporate it in! For those who wanna see how Brian acts when he's drunk around the guys, I'll try to work it in, but it'll be later in the story. Yup. How exactly does Kevin feel? I don't know... Maybe you tell me! :)

Any comments, suggestions, food, parcels, cash, cheque or money orders or even the Backstreet Boys malicious grin are to be sent to evilthoughts@dangerous-minds.com. Peace out!~ MJ

Next: Chapter 4


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