Shape of My Heart

By MJ

Published on Jan 2, 2001

Gay

Disclaimer: Do I have to do this? Alright, this story is purely fiction. I do not know (personally) the Backstreet Boys, nor own them nor anything like that. However, if you do, please email me and I will try to suck up to you so that I can get to know them (personally). If you are breaking a law by being here, get out. If you are offended by homosexual themes, get out. There.

Well now, another installment hey? Alright, my thanks goes out to all the funky people who emailed me! Woohoo! I lurve email! And oh yeah, my email addy has changed to de_vil@2die4.com -- just to let you know.

Stories I like... Affirmation, Brian and Me, Search and Rescue, Open your Eyes, Dirty Mind Games, Little White Lies, Love you Hate you Get lost, Superman Can't Fly, Bsb-Nsync Chronicles, Desperate Measures, Eternally Yours, Blissful Tears, Any Path, The One, and many many more... :)

Okay, I'll stop crapping right now.


Brian woke up in the comfort of his bed. He'd only remebered falling asleep in the car, but this? Must have been Kevin, he thought. Then the aforementioned person popped his head in and said, "Good morning. We're all waiting." Brian nodded nd went down the stairs with his cousin,

They were in the middle of breakfast, abut the thing strange about it was that Nick didn't have everything piled on his plate. In fact, he was eating less than Howie. But Brian said nothing, choosing instead to concentrate on his breakfast. "Hmm, this is pretty good. Who cooked it?"

"All of us had some hand in the prepartion, after Kevin decided to make scrmbled eggs but wound up breaking two bowls. But Howie did most of the cooking." AJ piped in.

"Sorry, cuz." said Kevin sheepishly.

"Never mind. Less stuff to clean up then, in the long run." said Brian, grinning.

They finally finished breakfast, and one by one they faced Brain, silently asking for an explnation. Brian faced them nervously and asked, "This is about my drinking, isn't it?"

"Well, actually, yes. If you have a problem, we will try to help you with it. We're all brothers, aren't we?" said Kevin.

"The thing is... this is more personal than any problem that I've ever had before, and I think I'll have to get through this myself. I'll promise not to drink so much any more, but if I do, could you stop me? I'm just very tired." said Brian as he absently pulled the pillow that was on the couch towards him and hugged it.

"I guess we'll have to settle for that then." said Kevin.

"If you need any help, we'll be here, as always." said Howie.

"I'll be okay." said Brian, looking at Nick, who was looking at his hands. AJ nothiced this and made another mental note. Kevin saw it too, and his heart wrenched. Then the phone rang, breaking the tension. It was management, calling about the next day's schedule. The rest of the Boys keft Kevin to talke to management, Brian and Howie going to clean up. AJ and Nick were left in the living room with Kevin still on the phone. AJ seemed to have made up his mind, and told Nick, "Okay, Nick, we are going to talk. Come on, we'll go to my house and there we can have the privacy I think you'll want when you hear what we are going to talk about."

Nick looked at AJ. Then he said, "Alright." They left.


Howie and Brian washed the plates and cutlery in silence. "You know, B-rok, even thought we are the closest to each other in our ages, we definitely are not the closest in any other conceivable way. But still, I can't help noticing... well... the looks you give Nick."

There was a slight pause in the movement of Brian's hands, but then he continued washing the dishes as though nothing had occured. After a moment, he said, "Oh. Is that so?"

"Well... okay, okay, if you don't want to talk about it, don't." as Howie noticed how Brian seemed to be tensing up a little. He continued, "But remember what I said, we'll always be here to listen."

"Okay." They continued washing the dishes in silence.


In the living room, Kecin put down the phone, and sat down for a while, trying to reemeber all the details of the schedule. He finally noticed that there was nobody around, and tried to figure out why. There were some sounds coming from the kitchen, so he headed that way. "Hey, why is it so quiet here?" he said as he popped his head into the kitchen.

"Well, it seems the major noise-makers have gone out, leavinf us poor sould to clean up after them." replied Howie. "And B-rok has something he wants to think through first, so we're not making much noise here either."

"I see. Need my help?"

"No thanks old man, I'm worried what will happen to the rest of my stuff if you handle them."

"What?" said Kevin in mock anger.

"You heard me, old man." said Brian, as Howie laughed.

"I'll old man you, you, you, "mock threatened Kevin as he raised a fist in imaginary anger and brought it down to tickle Brian in the ribs as Brian giggled.

"TICKLE FIGHT!" cried Howie, as he attacked Kevin.

After a while, they all gave up, and just lay on the kitchen floor laughing, tired out from tickling and being tickled. "Well, you're lucky, we didn't break anything this time." smiled Kevin.

"Yeah, well, what's this then?" said Brian as he pointed to the soapy cracked plate that he held.

"Oh, it's just a crack, no need to fret about it, Rok." said Howie.

"Yeah, come on, we'll fix it." said Kevin.

"Alright, and I'll continue doing the dishes." said Brian.

"Damn, I nearly got it out of him before you came in." said Howie to Kevin when they were out of earshot, carrying the cracked plate to the den where the superglue was.

"Well, how was I to know? And I thought that Bone was supposed to be the psychiatrist?"

"Well, yeah, but...nevermind." said Howie. They set to work finding the glue.


"Liqour so early in the day, Alex?" enquired Maxine as AJ went into the living room with a bottle of whiskey.

"It's not for me."

"Well, tell your young friend that it's not good for him."

"He has a problem too, Max."

"I see. You sure are a problematic bunch."

"I have a hunch that their problems are linked."

"Okay. Whatever you say. They're your bandmates after all. By the way, introductions, Alex?"

"He's Nick. Nick! Come here a while!" yelled AJ. "Nick, this is Maxine, my cousin, and Max, this is Nick."

"Pleased to meet you. And who is that tall guy with the moustasche?"

"He's Kevin." replied Nick with a smile.

"Well, tell him he's sorta cute. You know, ugly but adorable." said Maxine thoughtfully, before breaking into a fit of giggles.

"Okay. I think he's getting swelled head from all the compliments anyway." grinned Nick as AJ motioned towards the den.

"So." said AJ as Nick sat down.

"So?" asked Nick.

"So, what's up between you and Brian?" asked AJ.

"Nothing." mumbled Nick.

"I'll be blunt. You've seemed very downcast these few months, and we're all worried. I've noticed looks flying between you and Brian, and somehow I feel that these are not ordinary looks between friends."

What? Nick thought. Brian's been giving me looks too? But "Yeah?" was all he said.

"Yeah. Anything you want to tell me?"

"Nothing for the time being."

"Oh well." AJ searched for a way to lessen the tension. "Hey wanna play Mario?"

"Yeah! I'm so gonna trash you!" Nick was glad for the change of topic.

"Who said I was gonna play with you? Wait a mo." said AJ. "Max, there's a contender for your crown!"

"Eh?" said Maxine as she walked down the stairs.

"I said, Nick wants to play Mario!" yelled AJ.

"Cool!" said Maxine as she walked into the den.

"Don't worry, I'll try not to trash you." said Nick.

One hour later, Nick ahd lost all four consecutive games, as AJ watched, grinning.

"Well, looks like you have to work on your game some more," said Maxine as Nick lost for the fifth time.

"Man, your cousin sure is great at Mario!" groaned Nick.

"Told you so." crowed AJ.

"Looks like you won't need the liqour then, Alex." said Maxine. AJ hunched his shoulders as if he was trying to get away form something, He hadn't told Nick that he had planned to use the alcohol on him. Then, looking at her watch, Maxine exclaimed, "Look at the time! I hace to go and prepare my notes for the meeting! See you later!" as she stood up hurridly and left.

"Liqour, Bone?" asked Nick.

"My cousin's very formal sometimes." shrugged AJ. Nick cocked an eyebrow.

"I may be blonde, Bone, but I'm not dumb. So you really want to know then?" said Nick in a bitter tone.

"Hey, hey, calm down." said AJ as he noticed Nick's balled fists. "We'll talk when you feel like it."

"Well, I want to right now. I think I am gay. And I think I am in love with Brian."

"Uh-huh. Well, that's cleared up." said AJ, half to himself, half to Nick.

"Did I hear you correctly?" said Maxine. "Sorry, I just happened to pass by and hear that you, Nick, love Brian? Oh my." Nick stared at her. AJ grimaced. Maxine grinned.

"She has such super hearing sometime, it's creepy." said AJ. "I think she'd make a marvelous Mata Hari."

"Don't worry, I can keep secrets." she said with a smile.

"Oh, okay, thanks." mumbled Nick. Great, he thought.

"Max, could you stop sneaking up on people like that?" asked an annoyed AJ.

"But I wasn't! I wa just walking by when I heard Nickolas here say that he liked Brian." said Maxine.

"Never mind, AJ, never mind. And how do you know my full name?" asked Nick.

"Did some research on the web about you people. I didn't know you had such a big following. Very impressive record, I must say. What was it? Over 20 million albums sold or something?" laughed Maxine.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Max. I thought you said that you had to prepare your notes for your meeting?"

"They're all ready, Alex? Or should I call you AJ, or even Bone?" smirked Maxine. "Oh, yes, by the way, lunch's ready. Nick supposedly likes pizza, so I just prepared that. After all, guests first. And we can't be eating Macs all the time." as AJ started to protest.

"Oh, all right." said AJ. "What toppings did you put?"

"Pepperoni and mushrooms and cheese and onions."

"Hmm. I'll try that." said Nick.

"Okay, I've got to go now. There's a stew in the fridge and if I'm not back by six, heat it up for me, okay?" said Maxine as she went out the door.

"Well, looks liek all food bases are covered for you, then, Bone." smiled Nick as he munched on a slice of pizza.

"Yeah. I don't know how she can be like that, even though she's only a year older than I am."

"You mean, more responsible?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. Mind you don't choke though."

AFter swallowing his pizza, Nick said, "Seriously though, do you think I'm gay? It's like, I've been thinking that I'm gay, since I already went through the "Well, that guy looks cute" phase, the "Wait a minute, did I say that guy looks cute" phase. the "Oh shit, I think I'm gay phase", the hysterical "I can't be gay" phase, but I haven't really stepped into the "Okay, I'm gay" phase yet. This will be a big step for me."

"Well, I don't know, how is a gay man supposed to act? The only gay men I know of are Oscar Wilde and Stephen Gately, and OScar Wilde doesn't even count 'coz he's dead. Stephen Gately... We don't really know him either. You gotta realise that since you've haven't had much exposure to growing up as a normal teen... Well, you lack experience... not like us... "

"Well, for example, I can really get to like your cousin as a good friend, but loving her in a romantic way? I don't see that happening. However, sometimes, when I look at Brian, and before Brian, other men, well, they just seem to attract me and I can't help staring at them. And the other time we went to the diner, and you stared so hard at the waitress, well, she didn't attract me at all."

"Sounds like it, then." said AJ as he laughed and dodged a flying pillow coming from the direction from Nick.

"And how did you guess so much, and find me out?" asked Nick.

"Well, I just observed you for like, what, the past year. And it's so obvious. It just felt like you were gay."

"Really?"

"Really. Actually, it was Howie who first pointed out your behaviour to me, but now, it's like he's switched off or something. Yeah."

"Maybe he's just preoccupied with his condos." offered Nick. "Now scoot! I wanna practise my game bfore your cousin comes home!" said Nick as he switched on the machine again.

"Whatever." said AJ as he strolled out of the den. Now for Brian, he thought.


Okay, that's all for now... sorry, they still haven't realised that they love each other yet!! hehe.. it'll come out in a few installments, I promise.. I have to develop Kevin and Howie too your know.. (the chracters, i mean) unless you have other ideas! :) Watch out for the next installment! For all those who don't really appreciate inter family romantic relationships, skip the first part of the the next installment! Okay, that's all I'm gonna say.

Any comments, suggestions, food, parcels, cash, cheque or money orders or even the Backstreet Boys malicious grin are to be sent to de_vil@2die4.com. Peace out!~ MJ

Next: Chapter 5


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